My Husband Doesn't Know I'm About To Divorce Him r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. If you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] Now today's first story comes from the true off my chest subreddit from important audience 610 and says my husband doesn't know I'm about to divorce him. This has been my plan for six years. This is by far the craziest thing I've done and I can't believe I suffered all these years staying with this man just so I can survive financially. The start of our marriage was wonderful. We had two babies. After the second pregnancy, he cheated on me with a very close family member.

[00:00:48] He gave me a lazy apology and on top of that, he complained about my body. He also told me I was built like a refrigerator. Mind you, I was four months postpartum at the time. I secretly saw a family lawyer. To sum it up for you, I'd be screwed leaving him. We only had 25k and that being split up is basically nothing for me. No marital properties, no car, I didn't have a job. Literally nothing. I was a stay at home mom. I applied for a job.

[00:01:18] I had hundreds of hundreds of jobs during the time and couldn't find employment anywhere so leaving was a bad decision for me financially speaking, especially with two small babies. Also, alimony and child support wasn't going to be enough for me to live off or survive with two babies with. So I let him believe that I forgave him and I continued being his wife.

[00:02:07] I bought a house with his income. He grew his money too during this time, so he made far more money now than when I originally wanted to leave him.

[00:02:15] I started working recently. I have a career now. I'm so happy about that. I haven't filed the divorce yet. He has no idea of my plans. I'm excited. I finally get to leave him after six, almost seven years. Now I can walk away with at least 200k. We have marital assets now like the house and the car. He also paid off for me.

[00:02:37] Now I have my education and my own career. I've been working on my weight loss. I lost 66 pounds. He paid for my my tezepatide. I had a breast reduction and a breast lift. I look amazing. I don't doubt I'll probably get remarried eventually. Everything in my life is finally set and going the right way.

[00:02:58] ETA laughing at the people mad at me for cheating back on him. What did you expect to happen? I stay loyal to my husband while he fucks other girls. Lol, you guys think I'm going to just go without sex for almost a decade. The marriage was already over the first time he cheated on me. Hilarious, you people think on this app. Rookin Me says, you know at the beginning I was ready to start thinking, man that's really something to stay with someone for so long just to milk more money and assets out of them.

[00:03:27] But then you mentioned how he cheated on you the first time with your cousin. Showed no remorse whatsoever. Body shamed you when you were going through the first few months of postpartum. Cheated on you again. Honey, you milk that man like a farmer would milk a cow. Milk him for all he's worth. You withstood the storm and now you are the storm. Commoner says, not gonna lie, you seem toxic as fuck. The cheating back and bragging how he paid for everything and you don't have to pay a dime is gross.

[00:03:57] I'm actually really happy for your husband. Funny how you leave out any flaws in the marriage that came from you. You could say the cheating is one, but you don't seem to think that is a bad thing. Hope no man ends up getting with you after his divorce. Especially as a toxic single mum with two kids. Yikes. Grumpy says, you sound exactly like my wife. Before her and I met, they didn't have the cheating you experienced, but she experienced incredible loneliness.

[00:04:23] About 10 years into their 20 year marriage, she began to squirrel away money from her own allowance and plan for a future once their kids were grown and out on their own. Her major problem was his complete inability to find time for any of them. Zero weekends, zero vacations, trips, family time. It had got to the point where she dreaded hearing the garage door well after the kids were asleep. She found an incredible group of girls in our chat room on IRC. It helped her make the incredibly difficult decision to leave.

[00:04:52] Please do what's best for you and do it safely. Best of luck to you. Commercial says, I'm in a similar boat. I can't leave. Child support and alimony will not be enough. I financially cannot leave. I've been applying to jobs over and over. Every day. I just try to do things to make me happy to pass the time. Good luck to you and your new endeavours. This gives me hope. OP says, it really does get better. I was so miserable at the beginning, but I had goals to keep me busy.

[00:05:23] Going back to school and getting my independence back was step one. I had a plan and I know there was a way out eventually. Even if it's going to be almost a decade away, it was still worth the overall outcome. I really wish you the best of luck. Stay strong early. Another commenter says, and asks a question after that, saying, Can I ask, how was your marriage these past years though? Like, did he even attempt to change or anything? OP says no, he didn't. He said he was going to change and never did. He just started hiding everything from me.

[00:05:53] And he was lying about his whereabouts. He was liking random girls' Instagram pics and DMing them flirty messages. He was Snapchatting random women. I only knew that he cheated on me twice because I checked his phone. He definitely cheated on me way more than I know of. I just stopped going through his phone like, what's the point? Like I already knew he was cheating. He also treated me really poorly. Made me feel bad about my weight. Always called me fat and ugly.

[00:06:21] He told me that I needed to get BBL to get rid of my mom pouch and fill my flat droopy ass. I can really go on and on, but I'll stop there. So OP did come in with her update and said a lot of people here wanted to update the last time I posted. I wanted to update you guys and tell you that I did tell him I'm divorcing him. You know what's the funny part? He was honestly shocked that this happened as if he didn't do anything wrong.

[00:06:46] He told his parents on me because I'm really close with his parents and he thought they could persuade me to change my mind. His parents are sweet, however they turned on me quickly and told me off for leaving their son. They let me know what he did was unacceptable, but what I'm doing is even worse by leaving him and a family behind. My husband cursed me off after the divorce news. He also called me a gold digger and went on a rant about how women only want money and blah blah blah.

[00:07:12] He also called me a slut because I went out with my girls and boys who are my close friends and we went to the bar to celebrate my divorce. Anyways, we're in the middle of divorce now. It's a process. We both still live in the marital home until further notice as noticed by the attorney. We will both have 50-50 custody, most likely a rotating schedule. One of my kids is taking the divorce really hard even though he knows what happened and he's begging us to stay together and how he doesn't want us to get a divorce.

[00:07:42] Honestly, I did feel pretty bad after my son begged me not to divide up our family and to stay with their dad. But I know at the end of the day I need to be selfish and put my needs above everyone else's for once in my life. My son does hate me though. He won't talk to me and spends most of his time with daddy. My other child is younger and doesn't fully understand what's going on and is just kind of brushing it off. My son just keeps saying he doesn't want divorced parents and he wants us to stay together and he doesn't want step-parents.

[00:08:12] My son is really taking it hard. He's also saying that he wants to spend most of his time with his father if I go through the divorce. I just told him that's not how it's going to work and we'll both spend time with him. And he keeps saying it's not fair and he doesn't want to stay with me. And pretty much all of the top comments on that update were saying, you know, this is where parental alienation is going to come into play. That he's already got his parents involved in this. That why wouldn't he start like poisoning your own children against you?

[00:08:42] Which is absolutely terrifying. And other people mentioning, you know, get the kids therapy. That's an absolute must, especially if they're taking it hard. Which of course, if your family's, you know, breaking apart like that, therapy is a good idea for them, right? And a top comment on that one also saying to grey rock him and basically record any of the stupid shit that he might pull at this point. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:09:08] Whilst the majority of the comments were on OP side on this, there was a few saying that it was the wrong way to go about it. But what do you guys think? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Crap Kid Throwaway that says,

[00:09:31] I'm writing this post because my best friends, Kate, husband, Bert, called my husband, Tim, an asshole. I've historically kept my opinion of Bert's behavior to a minimum on the grounds that good friends say their piece once and then love each other through shit relationships. But I'm asking internet strangers to be the judge. I'm traveling for work. Kate's is stuck at home, working, at seven months pregnant on modified bed rest.

[00:10:01] Generally during the week I drop over once or twice to bring her family some dinner. Tim cooks extra portions once a week to share. Cheer her up, read her oldest a couple of bedtime stories so that mum can go to bed early and get some sleep. Bert works an office job. Stressful, I'm sure, but during her pregnancy he's been working longer and longer hours. Salaried, not over time. She's been sad and a bit lonely. Yes, I've suggested counseling.

[00:10:30] With that for background, this evening she and I were texting. It was about six-ish and she got a craving for a taco place near my house and, importantly, near Bert's office. She says she asked him to go grab her some on his way home. He says he's not stopping. He's got work at home and she should just door dash something close. This makes her extremely sad. She says it's irrationally sad but you be the judge. Because he used to surprise her with her favorite tacos and now he can't be bothered.

[00:11:01] As one does, I tell Tim. I'm three states away so it was just part of our chat as I was getting back to the hotel and getting ready for a work dinner. I get back from dinner and Tim had gone to pick her up tacos. I remember the bag of things I collected for her and the kid that were in my car and pulled a tuna casserole from the freezer. Bert hates tuna casserole. He dropped them off on the porch and just texts her that there were some things I wanted her to have. Then Bert gets home.

[00:11:28] Did he bring tacos, coloring books or a good attitude? No, he did not. He called Tim to tell him that he was an arsehole for showing him up. Other colorful language was also used including some fairly sexist nonsense. He also texted me telling me to keep my husband away from his wife. Tim did respond rudely when Bert called. Kate says he told Bert he was a failure as a human, a man, a father and a husband.

[00:11:55] Apparently that caused Bert to scream expletive so loud their daughter started to cry. Not good. Tim then hung up on Bert. Blocked him and text Kate that if she needed someone in an emergency, she knew where to call. But he wasn't putting up with her shit husband any longer. It's a giant cluster and I have no idea what's going to happen. My husband feels bad that things escalated so much. Particularly since their daughter was crying. He feels like an arsehole at the moment.

[00:12:24] Obviously Bert thinks he's an arsehole. I think he's a sweet man. What do you guys think? Nerdy Swamp Witch says not the arsehole. Bert is the only arsehole in this situation. Also $5 says Bert didn't want to stop for tacos because Bert has not been staying late at the office. And he was nowhere near the good taco place. Bert is getting shown up because Bert isn't even phoning in being a supportive partner and husband. He's sending a brain damaged carrier pigeon.

[00:12:51] Kate needs to rethink if this is what she wants for her and her kids long term. Is this the model of a relationship she wants them to see? An angry arsehole who ignores an easy request from his pregnant partner and then goes off when a friend helps. Tickety tickety boom says Bert is shit. Kate needs to address this. However I think Bert wasn't at his office near the taco place. Has he lost his job or having an affair? Not the arsehole. Jay Scarlett says not the arsehole.

[00:13:21] Bert refused Kate's request. He said he was too busy for any family obligations. That sets the bar incredibly low for anybody to show him up. To be salaried and be a slave to your job that you have to leave the office, go home and straight to work. Sounds kind of sus. As the kids would say. People need to eat. People need to poop. Is he not at the office and rushing home now to catch up on work? The dude couldn't take five minutes to pull over and grab the food that Kate could have called for pickup.

[00:13:49] Don't ignore your husband and provider duties and then be pissed off when someone treats your wife, the person you pledge to love and cherish in sickness and health till death do you part, as a respected human being. She's making humans in her belly. You can't get her a fucking taco. Bert is a failure as a human. And Significant Kiwi comes in with a bit of a different take. Bert sounds like an arsehole, but not sure you guys helped here or that you picked the right battle either.

[00:14:17] It clearly sounds like Tim escalated things, plus literally sending him with tacos wasn't necessary. DoorDash is a valid way to get food you want. And sending the tuna casserole that you know Bert doesn't like also sounds like a deliberate provocation on your part. And I think you darn well know it. To play devil's advocate, sending Tim there with tacos wasn't necessary. So it's hard to blame Bert for thinking Tim was trying to show him up, especially if Tim responded aggressively and called him names.

[00:14:47] Honest to God, when I was pregnant, it didn't mean I expected my husband to go somewhere at the drop of a hat to get something special for me, particularly when I could get it easily delivered. Bert may actually be tired too. Yes, Bert is an arsehole, but you need to find a better way to support your friend. You're getting awfully close to arsehole territory yourself because it doesn't sound like your efforts were completely out of kindness, but that you deliberately aim to make him mad. Your reaction makes this a soft everyone sucksier,

[00:15:15] but you can do better to prove your friend you're there for her. And yeah, Bert is absolutely an arsehole, but I'd be lying if that didn't pop into my head about that tuna casserole thing. I was like, hmm, especially knowing he doesn't like it. It just felt like that was like a fuck you, Bert. But then OP comes in with their update and says, not a happy update. One, I apologize for screwing up the title last time. It's fine.

[00:15:44] We read the right one this time. I was trying to be brief and wound up being wildly disappointing. My apologies. Hopefully this is more effective. Two, this update is shared with Kate and Tim's permission. For reasons, Bert can go fuck himself. Bert did email Tim this morning to apologize. Bert said he had forgotten I was out of town and he didn't realize that Tim was dropping off the meal train food. It was a weird email for many reasons, but Tim responded politely if non-committal.

[00:16:13] Tim hasn't changed his view of Bert in part because of what happened between Bert and Kate this afternoon. Bert also texted me to apologize, but I didn't get his message until after I landed. By then, everything else had happened. I've elected not to respond. Bert went home around noon after staying at a hotel last night. Kate's sister had taken their daughter to the park so Bert and Kate could talk it out. Short version is that Bert has been avoiding Kate because she's not happy during this pregnancy.

[00:16:43] I mentioned in a comment that Kate had been married previously and shortly after her first husband died, she had complications in her pregnancy that forced her on bed rest. Unfortunately, her son didn't make it. Her current pregnancy is bringing up a lot of painful memories and she's scared she won't be able to make it to full term. So yes, she's not as cheery as she was when she was pregnant with their daughter. It's a difficult time. Bert is frustrated and angry that she's not happy,

[00:17:12] so he's been staying late and ignoring her until she stops doing that. I know that sounds horrid, but I think they could have worked through those feelings. But as he was explaining how he felt, he said she should be glad her son wasn't there because otherwise she wouldn't have this life at all. Yeah, that still knocks the wind out of me. It's so cruel. She did talk to him about that statement. The explanation doesn't get better.

[00:17:39] In any event, for her, that was just the end. She told him she was done. They can work out joint custody, but the marriage was over. She called her sister and she and her husband encouraged Bert to leave. Currently, Kate's not angry or sad or panicked. She's just done. Personally, I'm surprised since they've weathered some fairly shitty things, including infidelity by him. But I guess that was the line. In any event, her D&D friends are over there for Saturday games night

[00:18:09] and they are eating waffles. She thought it was important for the internet to know that waffles are appropriate separation food. In terms of well-being, which many kind souls were worried about, they have a prenup. The house is hers. His family property is his. I'm sure there will be a fight over custody, but she'll be financially okay. In any event, she has family and friends who will help and support regardless of what happens. What the fuck goes through someone's head like he said?

[00:18:39] He's glad that a son wasn't there because otherwise she wouldn't have this life at all. How does that go through your head and think that's right to say in any way, shape or form? It's just madness. But I'm glad she got rid of him in the end, especially as it says about the previous infidelity by him as well. Sounds like a right catch. And of course, I agree on the waffles as well. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:19:08] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. Truly, I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.