My Husband Didn't Want A Gift And Said He Wants The Cash Instead r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider in a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now our first story comes from zealousidealmix6580 and it says, Am I the arsehole here? For refusing to give my husband the cash I got back from a present, he asked me to return.

[00:00:30] For context, my husband, 46 year old, got into a terrible cycling accident last year. He suffered from a punctured lung requiring a chest tube, three broken ribs and a broken clavicle. He spent five days in the hospital. It was really scary for all of us. He is finally back on the bike and training again. The kids and I worked really hard for his birthday present this year. We wanted it to be something to recognize how proud we were of him getting back on the bike.

[00:00:59] It's important to mention that when he asked what he wanted for his birthday, he would tell us, I don't need anything. We, by we I mean, me, because our kids are both under the age of seven, got him a Garmin Varia, which is a bike radar and a camera that provides a tail light, visibility to approaching cars and notifies the biker of approaching cars. Total cost was $500. We gave it to him last night and it was pretty obvious he did not want it.

[00:01:29] This morning, he asked me to return it. I'm pissed about his ungrateful reaction, but that's another conversation. Later on today, he informs me that he would just take the $500 cash amount as his present instead. I told him hell no. He doesn't want the gift, fine, but I'm not giving the money, especially with how ungrateful he was for the original gift. He says I'm the arsehole and that it's his gift and therefore his cash.

[00:01:54] So am I the arsehole here for not giving my husband the cash that I'm getting back for returning the gift he didn't like? For me, I can understand being very particular about a gift, especially if it's like his cycling, which I imagine is like a big hobby, if you like, for him. Like for me, when I get into hobbies, I like very specific things. I think it's all in the approach. Like if your wife gave you this and, you know, you don't think you're going to use it, you approach it in a nice way. And ah, thank you so much for that.

[00:02:24] But I don't think I'll use it for X reason, this reason. Would it be possible to do this? And maybe suggest a gift that you will use every time. But I think asking for the cash amount instead did come across as rude. And I kind of feel like there's more to this. But Alkaline says as a cyclist myself, I'm confused why he wouldn't want that rear camera for extra insurance, especially after being in an accident. More community says, yeah, it's frustrating.

[00:02:51] You put so much thought into that gift, especially after everything he's been through and he just brushed it off. Then asking for the cash? Gosh, that's pretty disrespectful. You're not in the wrong for not giving him the money. He needs to recognize the effort and meaning behind the gift. The last day of Bison says, and it'd be one thing if he never got back into training and cycling. It'd be understandable if such a traumatic and life-changing experience was too much for him. But he did.

[00:03:17] He showed them he was still invested and interested in a keen cyclist. And they reacted and responded accordingly. Talk about mixed messages. Each in life says, nah, just remind him that he didn't need anything. Giovanna says, info. Is this normal behavior for him? Or have you seen shifts in his personality since his accident? Interesting. Becent Position says, ooh, good point.

[00:03:42] A good friend of mine had a TBI and it took years before he found things funny again. Even now he still gets grumpy quicker. Though he tries to hide it. Brain injuries are wild. So, Opie came in with an update and said, I'm not sure if this is how you're supposed to post an update. I had no idea my post was going to get this much attention. Thank you everyone for your advice. I want to clarify a few things. This present was not a way to encourage him back on the bike.

[00:04:12] He's been riding again for several months now. 20 plus miles at least three days a week. He's training for a triathlon. I asked my husband if the present triggered him or brought back any traumatic memories. He told me it did not. His reason for not wanting it is that he does not want all the extra electronics on his bike. He did apologize for his reaction and thanked the kids and I for the thoughtful gift. But explained that he would never use it. Not that it's really anyone's business.

[00:04:41] But we have a joint account and then we each have our own separate bank accounts. It works for us. I did not give him the money. We agreed to use some of the money to set up a fire pit in our backyard. Which is something he's wanted to do for a while. The rest is going back in my wallet. I got the Garmin Variety RCT715 with rear view bike camera for $399. And then I got a Garmin Edge 130 plus compact bike computer to go with it. Which was $120.

[00:05:09] For those of you questioning if I'm telling the truth about the price. That's all folks. I wish he kept the gift for his safety but I can't force him to use it. I've learned my lesson and I'll no longer be buying surprise gifts for him. If he doesn't tell me exactly what he wants he will get a gift card. Commenter says Just wanted to comment because I love the Variety. If he does a lot of road cycling that gadget can be very useful. One example in my case I get into a Zen Statewall Cycling.

[00:05:37] And this device will warn me when a car is coming up behind me and get my attention back. Just in case something goes wrong. I.e. Inattentive driver. I've owned variations of this device since I started riding in 2019. And almost all of my cycling buddies had ended up buying one as well. Natalie says It sounds like you're doing what's best for both of you. Even if it's not what others might expect. A joint effort for the fire pit is a great compromise. As for the gift. It's okay to learn and adjust next time. Just ask what he wants.

[00:06:08] If I'm being completely honest. It gave me feelings of There's something more to this. But again we're only seeing a very small part of someone's life here. But there was a mix of comments below this one. Some people saying that they understand where he's coming from. Especially some of the cyclists that was on that post. They were saying look. They wouldn't want extra electronics on their bike. But again it's about the approach. And saying you know I don't think I'd use it. Is there a way we could put it towards something else? You know in a nice way.

[00:06:37] Not take it back and I'll take the cash. But there was also people criticizing her. Saying you know although it was a thoughtful thought out gift. Getting mad that he doesn't want it. Isn't going to help things is it? Surely you want him to have a gift that he's going to appreciate. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:07:04] Now our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole here. Subreddit from SadHubTA who says Am I the Arsehole for being upset that I found out my wife was pregnant via social media. I'm 29 and she is 27. We've been together for 4 years. Married for 2. Both from the same hometown but currently living in a different city. She's at our hometown for a family event. And I stayed back due to work. We've been trying to get pregnant for 3 months. And now it's happened.

[00:07:33] The problem is the way I found out about it. My friend congratulated me by posting a screenshot in our group chat. A screenshot of an Instagram story posted by one of my wife's friends. The post was my wife crying and hugging some of her friends with a caption. You're going to be the best mom. I called her right away. And she answered pretty quickly saying I have news babe. What I said was I know. You're pregnant. She replied Wow babe. How did you know? I just said

[00:08:02] I saw it on Insta. Didn't you think to call me first huh? She said What? I didn't post anything. I responded Yeah but your friends did. That's one way to find out I'm going to be a dad. Thanks. And I hung up. I was furious. She kept calling me and I didn't answer until my sister called shortly after. My sister asked me what was going on because she'd just arrived at my in-laws house and everyone was freaking out, biting and my wife was locked up in her room.

[00:08:30] I told her what happened and she said there's no way she would do that. I replied well she did. My sister said she was going to find out what was going on. A little later my sister called me back and explained everything. At that point I'd calmed down thinking it was just a crappy friend who decided to post without permission. But my sister filled me in on the details. My wife was late on her period and while hanging out with a friend they thought What if you're already pregnant?

[00:08:59] So they bought a bunch of pregnancy tests. All of which came out positive. They freaked out, told her parents and then text some friends in town to come over. From the time she found out to the time her friend posted on Instagram only two hours had passed. My wife told at least 10 people before telling me. For the record my sister told me that the argument going on when she arrived was because the other friends were upset with the one who posted on Instagram. Apparently they all thought it was a shitty thing to do and were mad at her.

[00:09:29] But they also couldn't understand why my wife hadn't told me sooner. I finally called my wife and she was crying. She apologized and said she'd been planning to surprise me. Which was why she hadn't told me yet. I was skeptical and pointed out that if she'd really wanted to surprise me she wouldn't have been ready to tell me right when I called. She went silent and I told her I needed some time to think. She yelled saying I couldn't just walk away and that we needed to talk about it.

[00:09:57] I replied, why do we need to talk? So you can lie again. And I hung up. A ton of people have been messaging me. But I'm honestly exhausted. I don't know why but this has drained me. I've cried randomly which is unusual for me. I'm not a crier. This isn't supposed to be a huge deal but it feels like I've been hit by a truck. My sister sent me a message that really stuck. Hey, I know this sucks and it was crappy of her but don't let this ruin it for you.

[00:10:26] You're going to be a dad. You're going to be an amazing dad. This is great. The only thing keeping me going right now is knowing that I'm going to be a dad. I've dreamed of this and all I hope is that this baby is healthy. I'll probably swallow my pride and pretend I'm fine just to avoid making my wife too emotional during the pregnancy. But I'll do that tomorrow. Tonight, I'll just sulk. Edit. I posted this into the Reddit void.

[00:10:53] Thinking of nothing of it and woke up to thousands of comments and dozens of DMs. Holy shit. Thanks so much for caring. Just to clarify a couple of things. So I think the baby might not be mine. Classic Reddit. Lol. No chance she cheated. She works from home and we have home security cameras inside the house. So that's not happening in our house. She does not do girls nights. Her best friend in the city we live in is a female co-worker of mine and we hang out the three of us often.

[00:11:22] They text each other a lot but almost never hang out one on one. If they do, it's at our house with me in the next room. Also, my wife is the clingiest person alive. Like when I'm at work, she texts me every 30 minutes and when I'm at home, she's always at least in the same room I'm in if she isn't cuddling up to me.

[00:12:09] When we're out, she's always holding my arm. She lives in a different city so they always hang out a lot when she's in town. I cannot emphasize enough how out of character this whole situation is for her. She has many flaws like every other person but being inconsiderate is not one of them. That's why I woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling like I'm actually completely wrong on this because she would not do this on purpose. There is no way. So I sent her a text just saying that everything is fine and that we'll drive the four hours down there to talk.

[00:12:38] She was actually awake and asked if she should call. She did and said she wanted to come home. I said that I was going over there to pick her up. She asked, are we okay? I just said yes and she started to cry. I told her that I'm very happy and I'm dying to see her but we will need to talk about it. She calmed down a bit after that. That's when I opened up the post again and saw all the comments. I asked for a day off and my boss was fine with it so I'm actually going to my hometown right now. I will update when it's all settled.

[00:13:10] Gee bloody whiz. No, I don't blame OP one bit for being upset about this situation. I'm glad that, you know, they're getting back together and having a chat about it but we'll cover that update in a moment. And whilst I found it kind of strange that you're doing a pregnancy test with your friends rather than your husband in the first place, you know, the chance of it being positive. I can kind of understand that there was probably a lot of feelings afterwards when you do see it as positive, excitement, you know, just a whole shit ton of feelings.

[00:13:40] But then your first thought afterwards is not to immediately call your husband but to gather a whole bunch of friends about it and your husband find out last is yeah, come on man. It cracked me up though that some of the comments talking about cheating if the child was actually his. I was like, where did that come from? And the top comment on this one was from EmptyMastodon7165 who just says too much social media. Never Destination says there is a certain type of person.

[00:14:09] I choose not to share pictures of my little ones online as I want them to have control over what is shared. They have ended up online because my sister-in-law couldn't just enjoy a family get-together without sharing it with their followers who most likely don't care. Then I have a different sister-in-law who is intent on creating an alternative life on social media where everything is perfect. So when my kids go to play with their cousins, they all have to have a forced photo shoot whenever they do anything.

[00:14:36] Just getting kids to look at the camera at the same time is nearly impossible when you have more than one under five in the mix. So it always leads to tears. I remember my nephew crying on his second birthday because he just wanted to play. But he wasn't allowed to until his mom had got the perfect photo of him standing next to the perfectly coordinated balloons and tablecloth. People are stupid. Faded Tiger replies that saying, this is my mom. Couldn't give my wife the opportunity to post the first picture when our second was born.

[00:15:05] We were focused on making sure everyone got a chance to meet him in person and would get to the post when we found a moment of peace. Apparently after two days it's fair game because my mom had to post the picture she insisted getting taken when she met him with her and her two other grandchildren. She retired and took the family on a Caribbean vacation to celebrate. Instead of enjoying being in paradise with her children and grandchildren, she complained about how the kids didn't like the matching outfits she made.

[00:15:32] And the only pictures she had of her with them in, her outfits included her in a bathing suit. She wasn't in a single photo in a trip post. And the only photos used were the ones where the kids were wearing the outfits she made. Some people are more concerned with showing people they had a good time than actually having a good time. Commenter says that's some shitty behavior indeed from that one friend. Who the hell steals a pregnancy announcement? Away Understanding says your wife and her friends are shitty.

[00:16:01] Also, why should you have to hide your hurt feelings when she's the one that fucked up and hurt you? Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean you have to push down your feelings. She took away an awesome moment that the two of you could have had and instead had that moment with almost a dozen other people. You're allowed to be upset with her. What's next? Is she going to insist someone else in the delivery room instead of you? She's pretty selfish and I hope she grows up before the baby comes.

[00:16:27] So, around a week or so later, OP came in with her update and said hello again. Things have settled down now and I feel like I have all the information. So I'm here to give you all an update. When I got to my in-laws, my wife was sitting on the sidewalk waiting for me. She jumped on me and kept apologizing, just hugging me and saying how sorry she was. We went to her room and I told her I was really tired and wanted a nap before our talk. We slept holding each other. When we woke up, our talk felt like an endless circle.

[00:16:56] Me asking what happened and her saying that she was stupid and that it was all her fault. She kept saying it didn't matter what happened because she screwed up a big moment in our lives. I kept asking but she just repeated that she messed up and that nothing else mattered. Eventually, she said she didn't want to give me excuses and that the right thing for her to do was take responsibility and apologize. I eventually gave in, told her she was forgiven and said everything was fine. Still, I went to talk to her friend.

[00:17:24] The one who was with her all day and bought the pregnancy test with her. The story was that right after my wife tested positive, they spent about an hour freaking out and talking about the ways to tell me or surprise me. Eventually, my mother-in-law got home and they told her. Together, they decided to invite their girlfriends over to discuss ways to tell me. Her friend went over all their ideas and I 100% believe her.

[00:17:49] She also said it was discussed with a group that I didn't know yet and that they should keep it quiet for now because we hadn't decided when to announce it. She says the one girl who posted it on Instagram absolutely did it on purpose. She had been told not to say anything to anyone and at that point, they were even discussing ways to tell me with her. The picture she posted was taken when another friend had just arrived and heard the news. For some reason, she decided to post about it right then and there.

[00:18:16] Apparently, when they confronted her, she initially claimed she didn't know she wasn't allowed to post it. She stuck to that lie for a while but eventually, she just told everyone she didn't give a shit and left. She blocked everyone in the group and we haven't heard from her since. No one knows why she did it. They didn't know if she's jealous of my wife or something else. At this point, we don't care. She's blocked on our end too and we went no contact with her. My sister later confirmed the friend's story.

[00:18:45] When she first called me with details, she was under the impression my wife had just told everyone and forgot to tell me. But after talking to other friends and my mother-in-law, she told me basically the same story. I was also told the friend I spoke to, my mother-in-law and another friend that when I called my wife, she basically said, screw it, I'm telling him right now and was super excited to do it. Me and my wife talked again during our trip back home. That was me having most of the details and she told her side.

[00:19:12] Basically identical to what my sister and the friend told me. She was again very apologetic and kept saying that I'm her number one priority. And that this is one of the dumbest things she has ever done. We have a couple's counseling appointment next week at her insistence. I honestly don't think it's necessary but she believes I need a space to fully express my feelings. She's worried I forgave her too fast and that I'm bottling everything up. Honestly, her concern about my feelings is already enough for me to forgive her and chalk this up as a one-time thing.

[00:19:41] We also had our first appointment with an obstetrician. First because it's obviously the right thing to do. But also because many people warned me about the risks of miscarriages in early pregnancy. My wife's last period was about six weeks ago. And the doctor said it was a bit early for an appointment. Still, they ran a bunch of tests and confirmed my wife is indeed pregnant. So far, everything looks fine. Thank you all so much for caring about a random stranger. Gee bloody whiz with a cherry on top.

[00:20:11] What do you guys make of this situation? Some people not believing the story that was told. Other people saying that their friend was just jealous and that's why they posted it on social media. What do you think of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being involved. Truly, it's absolutely amazing.

[00:20:39] And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.