My Husband Committed Identity Fraude In MY NAME - Then Called Me The Devil

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from klutzyletterhead359 from the Am I The Arsehole here subreddit. And it says, am I the arsehole for asking my husband for a divorce because he blames his financial incompetence on my lack of employment. Hello, I'm going to keep this short and sweet. My husband and I have been married for seven years. Prior to us getting married, I had my own business and was doing great for myself. My husband is in the military.

[00:00:49] [SPEAKER_00] When we got married, he encouraged me to give up my business and be a stay at home mom, which I was fine with. The problem is now we can't afford the bills. He pays for the two vehicles we have, insurance, his phone bill, groceries and gas. We live on base, so we don't pay utilities and BAH covers our home. He claims I need to get a job because we again can't afford the bills. Our bills total out to about $1,200 a month. He makes about $2,000 a month.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_00] And I was confused because he makes more than enough. My car payment is now behind five months and he's claiming the financial stress is due to me being a stay at home mom. I'd started looking at our bank account. I've never checked it before and that's on me. I found out that he eats out every single day and spends hundreds of dollars a month on sports betting sites and steam purchases. We have had the same argument for months and he just won't stop gambling and eating out.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00] He was spending so much that he started taking out cash advances in his name and my name and that's what's keeping us in a hole at this point. My credit is ruined and I'm not okay with being the scapegoat because he can't stop spending money. So am I the asshole for wanting out? So initially he convinced you to give up what sounded like a successful business then has been gambling away your family's money and took out cash advances in your name without permission.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_00] That's fraud right? And now he's blaming you for a hole that he's dug. I mean for one it sounds like he's got a gambling addiction and but he's using you as a scapegoat for it. But the first commenter says to OP not the asshole but I think the reason for the divorce is because he's a gambling liar rather than him blaming your soon to be repossessed car on the fact that you don't work. Lazuli Rose says not the asshole. You're going to need an attorney. This is going to sound like blaming but I really do not mean it to.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_00] Always check bank accounts, financials and keep an eye on bills even when married. You should know what's going on with the family finances. OP says I'll provide a little more clarification on the bank thing. I used to check it. We almost went through with a divorce about a year and a half ago. When that happened he changed all his passwords. When we reconciled I just never asked for the new one. I definitely should have though and that's fully on me for not doing so.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00] Substantial Shoe says you need an attorney. A shark because he committed identity theft by getting cash advances in your name. I'm an army brat. The physical and financial cheating never stops. Please get out before he lays hands on you. Or worse. Edit to add. The gambling and abuse to your credit is more than enough to lose his future promotions and security clearance. Best of luck and take care of you and your kids. So it was two months after this that OP did come in with an update.

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00] And they said hello. It's been about two months since my original post and I wanted to provide an update for those asking. TLDR. My now ex-husband has had a serious spending problem. Gambling problem. And neglected our bills for months. He blamed my lack of employment. I blamed him spending outside of our means. He has since repeatedly taken out cash advances in my name and maxed them all out. The car payment is behind by three months and now instead of six. Since my original post a lot has happened.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_00] I visited my family for Thanksgiving and when I got back he told me I needed to get a job. I worked on finding one. But because I wasn't hired within a week somewhere all hell broke loose. He started speaking to me in a way he never has before. Degrading me. Insulting me. Weaponizing past traumas against me etc. I told him finally that I was done and wanted a divorce. And this infuriated him. For days he recorded me in my own home.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00] Followed me around insulting me and calling me awful names. He would call his best friend and yell insults about me and sit there degrading me in front of our children. He would approach me and just antagonize me continuously until I finally had enough and told him to leave me alone. He told me he didn't have to do anything since it was his house and started screaming at me more. He then repeatedly told me over and over that he would be taking my children from me. And that I would never see them again.

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00] And that the courts would side with him because I've already given up one child. I have an open adoption because I had a child at a very young age and wasn't in a position to raise her. This was the last straw for me. The following Friday I packed as much of mine and my children's necessities in the trunk of my car. Packed up our pets and I left. He arrived home shortly after I left and started blowing up my phone.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00] I texted him and said I was leaving to stay with family until things calmed down and our home wasn't a hostile environment. He continued with more threats of taking the kids from me and making sure I get very limited time with them. During this process he turned into some type of religious wacko. Calling me the devil repeatedly. Speaking about judgment day. Calling me evil. And telling me a judge and his attorney were going to tear me apart in court.

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_00] Three days later I was served with an emergency order. He had filed and a few days after I received a parentage order and temporary domestic order. Mind you this all happened over the course of only five days that I had been gone. We had a court date at the end of December. During that court hearing my ex decided to make up a bunch of lies. To try and make it seem as if I was a neglectful parent. And isolating them from him. He spoke to them ten plus times a day. And I never interrupted or listened in on their time.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_00] At the end the orders were thrown out. And the court officer stated that she believed my ex's behavior was concerning. After he openly admitted to verbally abusing me the last few weeks I was in the home. But my ex stated it was okay because the children didn't hear. They were in the next room over. Since all of this I've looked further into bills as a commentator suggested. Stating I bet he's paying his bills and neglecting hers. Well you were right. All of his bills strictly in his name are all up to date.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_00] The only ones he's refusing to pay are our bills with both of our names on it. He's also now taken out a total of over $1,100 in cash advances in my name since I left. I was able to log into all these accounts he made. Change the password, contact support and prevent it from happening even further. He received a bonus that all service members received last month. I put $1,000 of it towards the car to get caught up on payments. As it was around $1,900 behind.

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_00] He called fraud on his payment. But thankfully I caught it in time. And told the bank what was happening since I am the primary account holder. He has since locked me out of our shared bank account and restricted all of my access. He refuses to pay off the cash advances as well as stating they are your problem now. I've since retained an attorney and filed for divorce. He made a big deal about his lawyer tearing me apart. Come to find out he doesn't have one.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00] After fighting me for the last few weeks he's given up. I'm guessing because he doesn't have the money to fight me on this. And we've come to a custody agreement. I also started my business back up and things are looking up for us now. For those that were stating I needed to work. Thank you to all the redditors for the harsh truths, reality checks and honest opinions. I swear some of you have crystal balls and can predict the future. I never saw these horrible escalations coming. And I never dreamed that he would ever speak to me the way that he was the last few weeks I was there.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00] But anyways, there's a small update. I'll answer any clarifying questions that I can. Thanks again. Here are some clarifying points that people asked about on the original post. So people don't have to look through the comments to find it. My ex is active duty in the military. We don't pay rent or utilities. Our bills total to about $1,200 to $1,400 a month. He makes $2,800 a month. It was a stay-at-home mom to two children.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00] We never had financial issues to begin with when he was making less money at a lower rank. It only became an issue when he started gambling and eating out multiple times a day. Why didn't I work? Daycare costs are fortune. And I didn't want to work just for my entire check to go towards daycare costs. And it made no sense to do so. We almost got a divorce about a year and a half ago due to him cheating. When this happened, he changed passwords to everything. When we reconciled, I never asked for the new ones.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00] I just trusted that he would pay the bills like he always had. I was encouraged to reach out to his command. I did. They did nothing and said it was a civil matter. I then reached out to the IG who then told me the same thing. My family paid for my attorney as I'm not in any financial position to be able to afford one. So a commenter says to OP, you may want to report him to his CO. I cannot legally nor ethically diagnose someone over the internet,

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_00] but his behavior is giving red flags for bipolar disorder, specifically a manic episode with his risky behavior, gambling and turning to sudden religiosity and calling you the devil. I think, but don't quote me, if you report this to his CO, the military may do an involuntary psych eval and either get him treated or thrown out. AP replies in, I spoke to his CO and the IG Inspector General's office. They informed me he had done nothing wrong and that I would need to take him to civil court

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_00] over any loans and cash advances he stacked up in my name. I told them everything that has happened. They didn't seem too worried about it though. Keyphone says, that's weird. Have you talked to JAG? Identity theft is a federal crime. That being said, it definitely sounds like some sort of psychotic break. So he will probably do something that will be flagged soon. OP says, I have not spoken to JAG. I've been pointed in so many directions and contacted so many people

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_00] that have all told me there is nothing they can do. I'm just going to request in our divorce decree that he's responsible for paying off the cash advances and hopefully he'll be ordered to pay them off. Mama Kim says, document, document, document. He's digging himself a hole. Also, I'd file a police report of all the stuff he's taken out in your name you had no idea about. That's identity theft. If you reply saying I did and was told it's a civil matter because we're married, I was kind of shocked.

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00] But I have day-to-day documentation of everything that's happened. Bank statements. Until I couldn't see anything anymore. His text admitting to taking out cash advances. The cash advances and how they're overdue, etc. And one more comment saying to OP. If he's taken out loans in your name without your approval, that's identity fraud. File a police report. Make sure you lock down your credit and your children's. He could fraudulently try and open lines of credit in their name to fuel his addiction.

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_00] OP says a police report has been filed as well. Though they told me it was civil. My word, I was absolutely shocked. Perhaps I shouldn't be that the military did nothing about someone on active duty committing, what, identity theft? Like, what the hell? And not being concerned at all about his behaviors? Obviously, I'm not sure if she told him the full story. But the fake lawyer, the devil accusations, the financial abuse. Again, one of those situations where you're just glad

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_00] that OP was able to get out of it. Obviously, it's going to take some time to rebuild, etc. But other than staying in that. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from a throwaway account from the Relationship Advice subreddit. And it says, My dad disowned my sister and he is dying. How do I convince her to let him go?

[00:12:41] [SPEAKER_00] Backstory, my family used to be really close. But that changed in 2003. When my dad, 55 male, discovered that my mom, 54 female, was having an affair with John, 54 male. My dad's childhood best friend. He was basically his brother back then. And he was my dad's best man in the wedding with mom. He begged her to stay and work things out. But mom ended up leaving him for John. And eventually, they got a divorce. And my mom ended up marrying John five months later.

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_00] My twin sister, Sarah, 27 female, was always the stereotypical daddy's girl. Dad spoiled her a bit more than the rest of us. And she was basically his shadow back then. And that's why it was really surprising to us that Sarah chose to stay with our mom after the divorce. Back then, me, 27 male, and her were the only ones still living with our parents. We have four other brothers. I chose to stay with dad and Sarah chose to live with mom.

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_00] And in the weekend, she'd come to stay with me and dad. I chose to stay with dad. And I occasionally went to mom's house. To say that the divorce and that my sister choosing to stay with mom fucked with my dad is an understatement. He tried to act like he was okay in front of us. But every single weekday for the year following the divorce, I could hear him cry himself to sleep. After the divorce, the relationship between Sarah and dad didn't change that much. He started to spoil her a bit more than usual

[00:14:06] [SPEAKER_00] and still remained the usual super dad, showing up in every parent-teacher conference, ballet recital, and soccer match and being the most present dad possible. Things started to change when she suddenly changed her mind about med school. Our dad is a surgeon. And she always said that she wanted to follow his steps. But mom and John ended up pressuring her to change her career path to become a lawyer. Mom and John are both lawyers. During her studies, John started mentoring her

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_00] and they became really close. After she finished her college, he got her a job at his law firm. On to the issue. In 2017, Sarah got married. My dad was absolutely thrilled about her wedding. He gave Sarah a blank check for her dream wedding. To be fair, he did this to all of us. He really likes weddings. But in Sarah's case, he was really excited because she is his only daughter. And I always remembered him talking about walking her down the aisle.

[00:15:05] [SPEAKER_00] Like every wedding that we went to, he always said to her that he couldn't wait for the day to walk his little girl down the aisle. One day before the wedding, Sarah drops the bomb that dad and John will be walking her down the aisle together. Well, dad is the most non-confrontational person to walk on this earth and she expected him to just suck it up. He didn't do that. They got into a huge fight. First time I've seen him get angry. And in the end, he didn't attend the wedding

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_00] and John ended up walking Sarah down the aisle. The fallout was massive. After the wedding, dad and his side of our family basically disowned her and their relationship became non-existent. She tried to reach out after a while and make amends several times, but he simply didn't want to talk or hear about her. We expected him to turn around when she gave birth in 2018, but he doesn't even want to meet her kids. Earlier this year, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And unfortunately,

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_00] the treatment didn't work and he is terminal. Even with that, he still doesn't want to see her again and she doesn't understand that. I'm very close to my dad and this last few weeks are being really difficult to me. How do I convince her to let him go? OP adds a lengthy comment below this that says, she was always dad's favorite. She was the most stereotypical daddy's girl possible. They were practically joined by the hip. She was basically his shadow growing up. And she is very sweet.

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_00] She is honestly a very easygoing and well. She was like everyone's little sister. My dad always wanted a girl too, but in the end, she is a very likable person. Apparently, it was my mom's idea and my sister accepted because John has done so much for me, which I honestly don't understand. My dad paid for her whole education. When we moved to another city to go to college, my dad spent hours talking to her on the phone every week and he used to travel every 15 days to see us. A three-hour flight, by the way.

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_00] She knew the whole story. Our parents' divorce was as civil as possible, but she knew about the whole thing. It's not like it was a family secret or anything like that. I and my older brothers told her before the wedding that this was a bad move, that she was pouring salt on dad's wound. She didn't listen. We're all very close. I'm particularly close with her because, well, we're twins. She had a woman's stuff, but our older brothers love her and she loves them as well. She was always a bit spoiled by them,

[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_00] the privilege of being the only girl in the family. Oh, I really don't think he is possessive over her. I really don't think he judged for staying with mom. He was just sad he doesn't get to see her more often. They were together since they were 12 and 13 years old, you know. The divorce was really rough on him. She is trying to talk to him since that day. They didn't see each other since the wedding. The thing is, if he did have a bit more time, I think he will end up forgiving her because she is really sorry, but he simply doesn't have

[00:18:02] [SPEAKER_00] that much time. All of my brothers understand both sides. They know how sorry she is and how much this regret is eating her alive. They know how much the whole thing hurt my dad. The thing, if dad had more time, he would probably make amends with her, but the thing is, he really doesn't and that sucks so fucking bad. She is trying to reach out since the wedding. The problem is, she knows that she fucked up really bad and the regret of this whole thing is eating her alive. I was talking to my brother-in-law today

[00:18:31] [SPEAKER_00] and he told me that she barely sleeps, practically doesn't eat. I really don't know what to do here. On the back of all this, Vanilla Cookie Monster says to AP, there really isn't anything you can do. There is no way to make this less awkward or horrible for her. She made her choices years ago. Now she has to live and die with the consequences. I know you would like to make it easier, but I would just step back from this. The only statement should be, I'm sorry, dad still doesn't want to see you

[00:18:59] [SPEAKER_00] and spend all your energy on your dad, not on a dead relationship. Mano What The Fuck says, I would say that by choosing the man who took his wife and life away to walk her down the aisle, that she was the one who chose to disown her father. She needs to live with the consequences. Osiris says, absolutely, to wait a day before the wedding to drop that bomb. She knew it wasn't going to go over well. Terrible situation all around.

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_00] Password says, and to not back down. Ugh, I'll be honest, I'm baffled that she ever thought this could have gone any other way. Another commenter says, she thought that dad was a pushover. She was wrong. Now she's living with the consequences. OK Castor says, are people glossing over the fact the daughter took her dad's money for a dream wedding and after it was spent, then she tells him, oh by the way, that dream of you walking me down the aisle? You need to share that dream with a guy that stole your wife and split up your family.

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_00] That was absolutely a scumbag move. And one more commenter who says, daddy, thanks for paying for my dream wedding. I need to tell you one thing. I want you to walk me down the aisle with a guy that fucked mummy behind your back and then stole her away. Do you remember him? Your former best friend turned most hated enemy. Yeah, I want to give that man equal honor as father of the bride. I don't understand why you're upset daddy. And the comments on this were brutal but correct. Sarah took

[00:20:28] [SPEAKER_00] dad's blank check for her dream wedding and then dropped this bomb the day before that John, the guy who destroyed their family, would share the walk down the aisle. And she thought dad was going to be too non-confrontational to push back. Well, she was wrong. And I think the commenters are absolutely right that you just need to step back from the situation and let her deal with whatever she's dealing with because, you know, she's drowning in regrets but the hard truth is you can't convince her to let go

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_00] because she doesn't want to accept that she killed the relationship herself. But OP comes in with an update six weeks later and it says some people ask for an update. Unfortunately, life isn't all about happy endings. This is a sad ending. A week after I posted the original post, my dad started getting worse. His health started declining really fast. We lost him exactly one month ago and it wasn't pretty. I never thought it would be

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_00] but I never thought it would be that heartbreaking. He was in a lot of pain. He's been through so much in these last months. As heartbreaking as it was to us, he deserved to rest. He was tired. In the end, he was lucid enough to say his goodbyes to me and my older brothers. Hearing him say what he said to me was one of the most painful and beautiful moments of my life. His words meant a lot to me. I won't say exactly what he said because I believe it's just too personal. He said goodbye to my daughters,

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_00] 11 month old and 2 year old. It was just like when I was a kid. He gave them a kiss on the forehead, told them to be good girls and said that he loved them. It was something I won't ever forget. And it hurts like hell that they are so young to understand what happened. They still ask about grandpa and every time I try to explain to them that he isn't coming back, they don't seem to understand that. And how can I blame them? I'm only 27 years old. I honestly don't get it. I was supposed to get a lot more years

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_00] with my dad. It doesn't seem fair at all. The worst part was my twin sister Sarah. Dad died without speaking to her. I tried to talk to him about her but he wasn't interested in speaking with her. She started getting more desperate and suddenly he died. It was expected but she was in denial. His funeral was beautiful. A lot of people shared their stories about him. It was nice. Sarah saw dad for the first time since the night before our wedding. She didn't recognize him.

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_00] He was very skinny. Dad was always a bit overweight. The famous dad bod but he had lost a lot of weight from cancer. She cried a lot during the whole funeral. Mom and John tried to show up at the ceremony and my uncles were forced to kick them out of the funeral. Good fucking riddance. Dad's will went as expected as it could. Dad's family came from old money. Petrochemicals. So he always had a lot of money. He left a little bit of money and properties divided equally to all his kids

[00:23:25] [SPEAKER_00] including Sarah. He left a trust fund which was a lot of money for all his grandkids including Sarah's kids which he never met. It was honestly expected. My dad never really cared about money that much. He just wanted us to be comfortable and assure that his grandkids all had something to support them. The tricky part was the personal things. He left a really big letter to all of us except Sarah. It was really personal stuff. In my letter he spoke to me

[00:23:54] [SPEAKER_00] about our story about my childhood. It was really nice. I must have read the letter like a hundred times and I cried every single time. One of dad's favorite hobbies was photography. He was quite an enthusiast and the subject of his photos was pretty much our family. When he and mum were together later it turned out to just be me and my siblings. As a result of this we had a lot of pictures from us growing up. He gave each of us a photo album and behind each photo he wrote something. Brett was taken

[00:24:24] [SPEAKER_00] and a few words. I was honestly very surprised with this. He must have done this long before he died. It was a very thoughtful goodbye gift. Something that was very typical of dad. Sarah didn't get a letter and her album didn't have anything wrote behind her photos and when she found out about this she had a mental breakdown. The regret was eating her alive and still is. She was admitted to a hospital and spent an entire week there. She's doing a bit better now. Getting a little

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_00] better every day. Her husband and I are really confident is sleeping and eating almost normally now. She still starts to cry randomly multiple times on a daily basis but it's getting better. At least that's what I'm telling to myself. Which brings us to last week. My wife and I discovered that we're expecting again. It wasn't planned or anything like that. My wife switched birth controls last month and she spends a week without taking the pill. It's still very early in her pregnancy so we

[00:25:23] [SPEAKER_00] haven't told anyone yet. The thing is that I'm really angry. I'm angry that my future kid is not going to be able to meet dad. I'm fucking pissed honestly. It doesn't seem fair at all. I'm angry and I'm scared. My dad was supposed to guide me in the whole parenthood process. He was teaching me a lot of us with my daughters. I'm fucking scared of doing this without him. I'm scared of not being a good father like he was to me because my kids deserve that. This is it folks.

[00:25:52] [SPEAKER_00] This whole situation could be a lot better. I play the what if scenario on my head every day. Unfortunately it doesn't change anything. This is honestly a bitter ending. It doesn't seem fair at all. That's the thing about life. It's actually never fair. I want to thank everyone who gave me advice and to everyone who reached out and offered their support in the chat. I was very lonely at the time. Still am. Fuck this year honestly. It meant a lot to me.

[00:26:22] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you Reddit. The first commenter on this one just said this whole situation is sad. Canada says listen bud let me tell you something. Your amazing dad did his job and he gave you whatever he could pass on to you. Best thing you can do now is live accordingly to the good things he taught you. Grab a book and start journaling all your best memories. Talk to your family members. Write down what they remember too. This is the time to do it while memories are fresh. Losing him is sad but finding happiness is also realizing that whatever

[00:26:52] [SPEAKER_00] hardships he had in life are also over. Now you need to do your best to be as a great father as he was so your children can benefit from him through the hands of the son he raised with his own two hands. I wish you the best in your journey forward. Commodore says my condolences man. Your mom and John sound like very entitled assholes judging from what you wrote in the update. To have the audacity to show up after all they did. What exactly were they thinking? Or smoking? Anyways, I

[00:27:21] [SPEAKER_00] believe that Sarah will be okay. But we'll probably not fully recover for a long time. She needs therapy and you and your family have to focus on your own healing at the moment. Oh, and congrats on the new baby slash babies. Tell them about their grandpa one day. Another one says hey, let's go to my ex-husband's funeral who I never loved and cheated on. Yeah, bloody hell. Another one says with his best friend from childhood. Another one says who he saw as a brother. Another one says

[00:27:51] [SPEAKER_00] who his wife cheated on him with. And the final one says the lack of awareness of the two of them is appalling. They deserved each other. Bloody hell, what an absolute sad situation. But the mum and John trying to show up at the funeral. The fucking audacity destroyed this man for a part of alienating his daughter from him and then they thought they had a right to be there. At least the uncles got involved and handled that. But there

[00:28:20] [SPEAKER_00] was also a lot of comments, you know, saying what an absolute villain Sarah is in this story. And, you know, she did make catastrophic choices. There is parts of me that wonders, you know, how was she manipulated by her mum and John for years, etc. No excuses, of course, but obviously the mind wanders when you read these stories. But she does need serious therapy to get herself through this. Not for any absolution because there isn't any, but to learn how to carry

[00:28:50] [SPEAKER_00] what she's dealing with without it completely tearing her apart because that's not good either, is it? But sometimes the consequences are permanent and I can only imagine them being in a situation like this where she's never going to forget what happened, which again is pretty sad. but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Maybe you got a different opinion on the matter. Let us know your

[00:29:19] [SPEAKER_00] thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories you love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here, for sharing, for liking, for everything you do. It's absolutely amazing and I'll see you in the next one, hopefully. Take care and much love.