The WHOLE Family Was Invited Except My Daughter - Daughter Responds In Reddit| r/BestOf

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider? Hit that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Advice A from the Am I The Arsehole subreddit. And it says, am I the arsehole for not wanting to participate in my niece's wedding after she excluded my daughter.

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_00] It starts, mine and my sister's families are very close. Our kids are more like siblings than cousins. My eldest niece got engaged and we are all thrilled for her. My daughter and I spent hours on the phone with her helping her with early wedding planning. My niece even mentioned to my daughter that she was having a hard time finding enough bridesmaids because many of her friends are pregnant. Then we all started finding out who my niece had chosen to be in the wedding party. Everyone in the family was included except for my daughter.

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_00] My niece asked me and her two sisters to be bridesmaids, asked my son to be a groomsman, included her parents of course, and even asked my ex, who's been estranged from my side of the family since the divorce, to be the usher. She made a wedding website with photos and descriptions of all the people in the wedding party.

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00] My niece didn't directly tell my daughter that she wasn't included. Instead, she created a text group with all of the women in our families except for my daughter to plan hair, makeup, etc. for the day of. My daughter was with me and my other nieces when we all got the text and didn't have a phone on her, so she assumed she was included as well. Turns out, she wasn't. When I reached out to my niece for clarification, she stated that my daughter was not going to be included.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_00] When I asked if my daughter could at least get ready alongside us in the bridal suite, doing her own hair and makeup, my niece said no. Her exact words were, there won't be any room for her. My daughter is understandably crushed and has no idea why she would be the only one not included. When she and my niece finally spoke about it, my niece wouldn't explain why she had done this or apologize. Her only words were, it was my decision to make. I'm sorry that you feel upset about it. I hope you can get over it.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_00] I never saw my niece as a mean person, but I'm questioning my view of her now. I don't want to participate in a wedding where my daughter has been singled out and excluded for no real reason. I can't think of anything my daughter could have done to offend my niece. It seems that my niece can't come up with a single reason for excluding her either. When my niece asked me to be a bridesmaid, I didn't know that she was planning on asking everyone else in the family except for my daughter. I wouldn't have accepted if I had known this.

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_00] I'm I the asshole if I tell my niece that I won't be able to fulfill my commitment as a bridesmaid and just attend as a guest. I already posted this with my daughter and she thinks that me and her brother should still participate because she doesn't want to be blamed for our dropping out. If I do decide not to participate, I'll be making it clear to my niece that it was 100% my decision to drop out because I personally feel disrespected that she would treat my daughter this way. I'm torn on how to handle this. Edits. My daughter is 22 and my niece is 34.

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00] Like from the niece's point of view, the bride, she must have known this was going to cause some kind of drama. Imagine inviting every family member in a wedding party, the mom, the son, even the estranged ex-husband. But somehow the daughter is getting left out without a single explanation and then comes up with a non-apology. The I'm sorry you feel upset. And it seems like the daughter's being the bigger person in this. There may be a legit reason here that we don't know about. But at the moment, it looks like the daughter's being the bigger person by saying don't drop out on my behalf.

[00:03:42] [SPEAKER_00] Because, you know, it will make things even worse. But something has clearly happened between these two that we're not being told because nobody singles out one family member by accident like that. It's a choice. But Top Combin says, info. Is your daughter what most people would consider prettier than the bride? Could it be jealousy? Even if it is not the arsehole by the way. Opie says, I will say my daughter is beautiful. And I've seen from experience a definite head turner. Solis Ginger says, ding ding ding.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_00] We have an answer. Your niece doesn't want a bridesmaid that is prettier than her. Basically, niece has become a bridezilla. I'd personally bow out to the wedding with a bride as petty as this. Dabla Dame says, I wonder if there was something that happened between them. That your daughter doesn't feel comfy bringing up. And neither does the bride. I mean, when pressed, the daughter doesn't seem that bothered. Because maybe she was the one who caused problems. The theory of she is too pretty just doesn't sit well with me. I think something shady happened between them.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_00] Opie says, maybe I wasn't clear. My daughter is very upset. She tries not to make a big deal out of it. But she's expressed many times to me that she is very hurt. And doesn't understand why her cousin has excluded her. PR Minx says, info. Has your niece and your daughter historically had a good relationship? Opie says, yes. Historically, they've been very close. I had a hand in my niece's upbringing. So she was always like an older sister to my daughter. For reference, my daughter's high school graduation gift was a trip to go visit my niece.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_00] PR Minx replies saying, It's hard to make a judgment call here. I think something happened between the two of them. And they aren't telling you the true story. You're not the asshole. But there will be consequences if you don't go as intended. Your daughter may get upset. You made it into a bigger deal. As she said. And the family could rift. Opie says, My daughter and I are very close. I think she would have expressed to me if she had any idea of why she was excluded. When we talked about it, she seems most hurt because she doesn't understand why.

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_00] It may also be important to note that I overheard most of their conversation when my niece and my daughter discussed it. When my daughter asked why she wasn't included, my niece refused to answer and only said, It was my decision to make. Someone says maybe the niece is afraid of being overshadowed. And Opie says, My other two nieces, the bride's sisters, are also in their twenties. But there would be no way for the bride to exclude them. I hope the overshadowed part isn't the case. But I'm starting to think it is. I don't want to see my niece as someone who is petty enough to exclude my daughter simply

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00] based on that. Opie comes in two months later and says, Hey everyone, this is the daughter writing the update. My mom didn't know how to do an update post and asked me to write it for her. We're both here to respond to comments if you have any. I saw that a few people asked what my aunt's opinion was after the verdict was given on this post. Here is the answer to that question. My aunt said that she had told my cousin from the beginning that excluding me was going to hurt my feelings and suggested to her that I be a bridesmaid instead of my mother. My cousin turned down the suggestion but would not say why.

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_00] I also saw some people wondering if something bad had gone down between my cousin and me that I wasn't telling my mom. This is definitely a valid question. The answer is no. She and I haven't had any problems prior to this that I know of at least. She's always been like a sister to me. If she ever had a problem with me or anything, I've done what I hoped she would tell me. Another question I saw was about the relationship with my father. He and I have a very tense relationship due largely to some mental health problems that he has.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00] Prior to all this, I confided in my cousin a lot about this. This made a decision to include him over me hurtful in a very poignant way. After reading all your comments and some more deliberation, my mom ended up staying in the wedding party. I appreciate her desire to stand up for me but I really did want my cousin's wedding to go smoothly despite my feelings being very hurt. My mom respected my wishes. She's an amazing mom all around and I'm lucky to have her in my corner. After the conversation I had with my cousin, described in the last post, was on the fence

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_00] about attending the wedding. I then heard from other relatives that she was concerned that I would sabotage the wedding if I were to attend. I found this comment to be bizarre and confusing. At this point I decided it would be best to remove myself from the situation entirely. I told her that I wouldn't be attending and left it at that. It was a hard decision to make but her reactions to the original post made me feel more confident in my choice. The wedding did end up going smoothly. I heard from multiple sources that there was plenty of extra room in the bridal suite.

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_00] I wish I could have been there with my family to support her on a big day. She and I have both been part of each other's major life milestones for as long as I can remember. I still haven't figured out why I was the only one excluded but I've come to the conclusion that she and I must not be as close as I always thought we were. At this point I'm not sure that I want to be. Your feedback on the original post played a large part in me realizing that. Thanks to everyone for reading and for all your responses. We got great insight from everyone who commented, especially those with different perspectives from our own.

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_00] If you guys have any more questions, feel free to comment. A commenter says to OP, I guarantee you her husband thinks you're hot. That's the only thing that makes sense if everything you're saying is true so I'm curious. How's your relationship with him? Like is he close to your age? Do you all have a past? Does he act weird around you? That's the only reason I can think of what would make a chick act like that out of the blue. OP says he and I have a good relationship. Not super close but we're always friendly and laugh and joke around when we see each other.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_00] He's a really nice guy. We have no past and I've been with my boyfriend longer than my cousin's husband has been around. Kimmy says, will you invite your cousin when you get married? The answer better be a resounding fuck no. OP says, not sure if there will be room for her. Can't be sure whether or not she'll sabotage it. Sorry if she feels upset about it. It'll be my decision to make. Hope she can get over it. Pepper says, my petty ass is cackling. Ronnie says, info.

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_00] Hey OP, you're going to get deluged because this was a fascinating post. So in light of this weird turn of events, is there any of your cousin's behaviors in hindsight that have any hint of her being a jerk throughout your relationship? Your relatives have any theories? I can't imagine this not being hot family gossip and honestly, far more distracting than you as a bridesmaid would ever have been. OP replies saying, honestly yes. I've gradually seen her becoming more self-centered and materialistic over the years, but I've

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_00] tried to ignore it because I didn't want to see her that way. I can think of a few examples. The past few holidays that she came to visit my family. She lives out of state. She's gone out of her way to make a schedule of who is invited to see her, when and what they're doing. I see this as very self-centered and it has rubbed me the wrong way, but I mostly just try to let it go. I also asked her to look over my personal statement from my application to graduate school a few years ago because I looked up to her tremendously and wanted her input.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_00] She said she would do it, but then put it off and made excuses until I finally submitted it without her input. She's a very organized person and that was not characteristic of her. I let that go as well and tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. As for the situation, my family is generally confused and feels that she owes me an apology. No one really understands what she was thinking. Vienta says, does she value her education quite a bit?

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00] I have a cousin who changed her name on Facebook to the initials of the various master's degrees that she has because she is, well, a little pretentious. She didn't seem to want much to do with me shortly after I started pursuing a doctoral program and I was the first in the family to do so. I don't want to be petty, but I feel like she maybe thought that I upstaged her by getting a higher degree. That could have been the start to your cousin's jealousy. Also, you being younger and prettier would only add to her feelings of jealousy.

[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_00] Opin said she was the first in our family to get a bachelor's. Part of me wonders if she may resent no longer being the most educated in the family. That's not the kind of thing that matters to me. I pursued an education in my field because I'm passionate about working with children. Not for the title, but I know it matters to her. Someone says, info. Okay, I know this is an actual judgment post, but damn it, we all want to know. So how much hotter are you than your cousin? Opin says, this is a loaded question. All I'll say is this.

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_00] I've never felt the need to compare myself to her. Yes, I am conventionally attractive. I've always thought that she was pretty, but now her personality makes her ugly to me. And Opin comes in a year later with a smaller post saying, got engaged. Hi everyone, this is the daughter. For those of you who are interested enough in our Am I the Arsehole post to follow, a few people who have commented on our post wanted to be updated when I was planning my own wedding. Now I am. I'm so excited to get married to my fiance.

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_00] If you have any more suggestions or insight for me, let me know. It's a weird time to be thinking about planning a wedding, but in I are both really excited for the rest of our lives together. Commodore says, now the million dollar question. Does the cousin get invited? Hopefully she is definitely only a guest if she's invited at all. Have you mended the relationship at all? Opin says, we have not mended the relationship at all. I made it clear that I'm willing to move on if she apologizes, but unfortunately she's not done that.

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_00] At this point, I don't plan to invite her. Really not so happy says, congratulations for the engagement. I wish you and your SO all the happiness. I couldn't find it on the updates or the comments. Maybe I missed it, but did you ever learn why you were excluded this harshly? And they thought you would sabotage the wedding if you were to attend. Opin says, thank you for the congratulations. We're very excited and no. I never found out why she excluded me or said those things. To be honest, I'm not even sure that she is consciously aware of why she did it.

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_00] Surely if there had been a real reason, it would have come out by now. At this point, I just feel kind of sad for her. And many people after this one, just putting it down to jealousy in the end and that she's not invited because of that. And it's just so wild, isn't it? To just, you know, torch what, I don't know, what it sounded like was a decent relationship beforehand. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe the cracks were always there. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_00] Would you have dealt with this in any other way? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from the subreddit, WhatDoIDo from OperationSAD4073. And it says, Should I suggest that my married boss set boundaries with this employee? To set the scene, there are a few people at my place of employment. My boss, mid-30s male, and a couple of other employees, including myself.

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_00] Or mid-20s and female. I am my boss's assistant and we've been pretty good friends for almost two years. One of the girls was hired within the last six months and we'll call her Gina. There was an ongoing, unintentional situation between my boss and Gina. So we'll start from the first instance. Everyone at my job smokes weed and it's acceptable to smoke on your brakes as long as it does not affect your ability to do your job. I refrain, but my boss and the other girls will. My boss and Gina will sit in this car together and smoke.

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_00] The other girls will as well, but not nearly as often. Well, my boss's wife noticed his seat was moved and they argued about him having Gina in his car alone. A few weeks later, Gina admits to me that my boss flirts with her. My boss would never cheat on his wife nor put his job at risk, but he's the kind of guy who doesn't necessarily realize how other people may perceive the things he says. I do not believe he is intentionally flirting with Gina, but I do believe she thinks he is and or over-exaggerates

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_00] because she's the type of girl to think it's cool to have a boss interested in her. Third instance was recently. My boss's wife was at our job, along with him and Gina. He asked Gina if she had weed. She went out and grabbed it from her car and slipped it into his hand to avoid clients from seeing. His wife noticed and got extremely upset because she thought Gina slipped it directly into his pants pocket. Finally, Gina responds very poorly to my boss when he says something she doesn't like. She's turned around and walked away from him mid-sentence

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_00] and has hung up on him multiple times when he explains things about our job or tries to provide constructive criticism. When I have to provide disciplinary action, she responds completely differently. I think she responds this way because she perceives their friendship differently than he does. Now, the reason I want to bring this up to my boss is because I know he is not intending for her to feel this way. Anyway, she's the type of girl that thinks it's entertaining that his wife is jealous of her. Unfortunately, if things go sideways for Gina and her job,

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_00] I can see her telling my boss's boss that he made her uncomfortable, flirted with her, etc., even though she thinks the whole situation is funny right now. I'm uncomfortable with this situation and I know my boss does not know the extent of what she says or believes. I do not want this to turn into a terrible situation and I really think my boss should set some boundaries with her. So, am I overreacting for wanting to tell him? I know he would appreciate me bringing this to his attention and, like I said, he'd be devastated to lose his job.

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_00] Should I just let the situation play out, even though I don't trust her? I can't get over the fact that they're able to go out during work hours and smoke weed in a car. I mean, surely you're going to come out smelling of it for at least a little bit. A commenter says to OP, Sorry to tell you, none of this is any of your business. So, why do you care so much if he flirts with her or not? Why do you care so much if she starts being rude to him when he tells her things she doesn't like? Manage your boss. The job is to manage people.

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_00] So, why are you trying to micromanage him and tell him how to do his job when he is your boss? That'd be overstepping in my opinion. OP says I care because he isn't intending for her to feel this way. Because she's the type of girl to blow everything up if she gets fired slash something happens that she doesn't like. My boss is my boss, yes, but he's also my friend. And I don't want the place that I've helped build for the last three years turned into a shit show over a girl who hasn't even been here six months. I know, and I'd put that on my life, that he doesn't know how she's acting or what she's saying to others.

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_00] And it can turn into something really nasty. A commenter says, If it's making you uncomfortable and could really shake up your job by losing your boss, and you know your boss would appreciate it and be devastated to lose his job, I think you already know you should give him a light-handed suggestion about how ugly it could all get. It doesn't have to be a full lecture, and I would hope he'd understand quickly that this really could affect a lot of things in his life and others' lives. I don't know. While I don't make work my life, if there's something that's affecting the whole work environment, I would have to say something.

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_00] OP says you're also understanding what I'm saying, so thank you. I would not get fired for bringing this up to my boss, and he'd be thankful that I did. I'm not planning on lecturing him or making it a huge deal. I just want to let him know that she is feeling a certain type of way about him being friendly, and what he does with that is his choice. But I know he would like to know what she is telling people. Another commenter says, Not your circus, not your monkeys. Don't get involved. You have good intentions, but this isn't going to go the way you think. What will happen is your boss will get uncomfortable,

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_00] and probably completely pulled back from the both of you, and work will be awkward as fuck. Or one or both of you may lose your jobs. What you say, it sounds like he's a friendly guy who may have poor leadership boundaries, but isn't crossing any lines. It's your friend that has a crush on him. Let's make him more out of these interactions because she wants him. Actually, flirting is intentional. You can't be flirty without intending to be. A lot of people mistake kindness and joking to be flirting when it's not because they won't be kind, and joking with others without wanting more themselves. If you need to do something,

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_00] your best bet is to talk to your friend and try to get her to snap out of this. Opia replies saying, Out of all these replies, you have understood this the best, so thank you. By flirting, he tries to take on a fatherly role to us. For example, I could see him saying, You're a good girl and a guy would be lucky to have you. But he would not mean it in any other way than pure respect and fatherly intentions. This girl does not understand that and misinterprets him treating us this way as him liking her. I just know what kind of person she is,

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_00] and I don't want him to eventually receive backlash when his intentions are not what she thinks they are. Commodore says, His wife has noticed this already. She knows what Gina is up to. She thinks she hasn't had it out with her husband, your boss, over this already. He knows he's flirting. He knows he's being inappropriate with her. He knows he's crossing enough lines that his wife is upset with him. Gina is getting away with doing things to make the wife jealous on purpose, and your boss is letting her get away with it because he enjoys the attention.

[00:19:55] [SPEAKER_00] And if your boss and Gina were only smoking buddies, she wouldn't react the way she does when he tries to provide constructive criticism. If she's already hanging up on him, walking off mid-sentence, really being rude to her boss, she would have been fired. Ask yourself why he doesn't fire her for treating her boss that way. Opie says, My boss is lenient with people, including the men that have previously worked here. This girl just speaks that way, but because she presumes there is something between our boss and her, she's much more loose with him.

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_00] My boss's boss has met her, and she's very unprofessional, and needs to work on her behavior, attitude, and communication. Whether you want to believe it or not, those are not his intentions, and he would stop if he knew that's how she was perceiving him. Opie came in five days later with an update and said, To provide context, a new co-worker of mine recently admitted to me that she believes my boss has been flirting with her. In addition to that, there have been two instances where his wife got upset with him for interactions with his co-worker. They call her Gina.

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_00] The first interaction was them smoking alone in his car, which he offers to all of us when it is cold. And the second, his wife thought Gina reached into his pocket to give him something. She did not. Personally, I do not believe my boss is flirting with her, and based on how this girl behaves, I could see things going south for my boss very quickly if she is fired, which she is very close to. And that's why I wanted to talk to him about her perspective of the situation. Reddit told me not to talk to him because he's definitely cheating with her, but I talked to him anyway.

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_00] This is his perspective of the situation. My boss told me that he believes she's projecting because he's convinced she is the one who has been subtly flirting with him, not the other way around. When we all work together, she's quite mean to him in a joking way. It's all boss's fault or, boss, you suck, etc. He said when they're working alone, she does a lot of eyelash batting, and he's had to tell her to stop staring at him. He also stated that she pretty consistently asked about his marriage

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_00] and is always insistent on talking about the problems within his marriage, telling him he deserves better whenever there are problems. He said he now 100% believes that she's waiting for his marriage to end. At the end of our conversation, I told him that she has honestly never expressed interest towards him when talking to me and instead talks about her boyfriend, who isn't really a boyfriend but kind of. He looked at me and said she has never mentioned this guy. He had no idea she even had a boyfriend. He also reiterated that he would never put his job at risk, he just got a huge promotion,

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_00] nor would he do that to his wife, who just gave birth last week, or his children. When we were done with the conversation, he said that his beliefs felt validated and he could in good conscience set boundaries with her now. He didn't want to before because he thought that was potentially misunderstanding her and her intentions, and he didn't want to treat her differently than the rest of us if there really was no reason for it. The reason why I was more inclined to believe my boss is because I've worked with him for years and he has never given me the impression of flirting. He gives off the fatherly kind of love,

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_00] but Gina seems to take that differently. As I said in my original post, Gina has also expressed that she enjoys when other women's men like her. She thrives in chaotic environments and would be the type of person to find it entertaining if her boss would be interested in her. For all the people blaming me for not thinking my boss was flirting with her, I still don't believe that and 100% trust him because I actually know these people. If I end that wrong, then it'd be a learning experience, but I really don't think I am. Also, I am my boss's assistant.

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_00] He would not discuss this with other employees, nor would I have talked to him about it if I was not his assistant. Edit for everyone saying I'm interested in my boss. I like drama or that I'm his work wife. You're all incorrect. By talking to him, I was hoping to avoid drama that may happen if this situation proceeds. I do not want to nor plan to discuss this with him or anyone else again. I said my part and it's up to him to fix the situation. For the work wife comments, I care about my boss as a mentor,

[00:23:45] [SPEAKER_00] but in terms of his relationship and slash all people flirting with him, that does not concern me whatsoever. The reason I care about this situation is because it can directly affect my job and the environment of my job if things continue. If it were someone outside my place of employment saying that he flirts with her, I would not care or get involved in any way. Edit 2. I also forgot this because this person quit when she got hired. She also stated that the man who used to be in my position was begging to fuck her. Her words. He quit and she got hired. So there were never any issues.

[00:24:14] [SPEAKER_00] But I feel that information may be relevant here. Whether or not he actually did, I don't know, but it's quite interesting now that I think about it. Commenter says to OP, he needs to notify human resources. If he values his job, then he needs to protect it. If he creates distance now, she may take it as rejection and get hostile. Human resources could coach him on having a direct convo with her. He will need to be prepared for some feedback about employees in his car, etc. and about his boundaries in general. OP says, I 100% agree. Commenter says, I'm confused.

[00:24:44] [SPEAKER_00] Have you just been listening to him vent and saying nothing at all? Just be a good person and tell him your perspective and stay out of it. He may actually be flirting and maybe he doesn't have enough respect for his wife. It should be obvious to him. OP says, no, we had a full conversation about it, but he never brought it up to me before because he wasn't 100% sure in his thoughts. When I brought it up first, he said that everything I stated validated what his thoughts were. I gave my perspective, he listened, and that there shouldn't be a reason to talk about it again unless he feels the need.

[00:25:13] [SPEAKER_00] I do not believe he is flirting. OP responds to a comment about crossing boundaries and the possibility of having a crush on her boss. OP says, I have a lovely boyfriend. My boss is not attractive to me, let alone almost double my age. I truly care about my job and my boss is a good mentor. Therefore, I don't want any bullshit to happen. I don't mind the other employee, but she is not necessarily the most professional person and could do some damage if she really wanted to. Yes, we have HR, but we are also not a typical place of employment and if our bosses were there for the conversation,

[00:25:43] [SPEAKER_00] it would have been acceptable. Another commenter says, your boss is not the most professional person. He is smoking in his car alone with employees. That is at the very least putting him at risk of rumors. He has been discussing his marital problems with his employees, including the one that you are concerned about, that is inappropriate and unprofessional. When you brought your concerns to him, he gave you far too many details regarding the colleague. He should have thanked you for bringing this to his attention and changed his behavior to prevent any further confusion. Any conversation or further dealing with colleagues

[00:26:12] [SPEAKER_00] should have been handled privately. I understand you admire your mentor, but you have him on a pedestal. Everyone has feet of clay and you should be able to see that his behavior could have been more professional. I hope he says, I definitely agree with you that he needs to be more professional. He's not 100% blameless in the situation. I'm not as naive as people think and I'm not as a work wife or wanting to be involved in drama. The reason why I brought it up to him is because I want to avoid the drama that this employee can bring, which also means he needs to set boundaries with not only her, but all of us

[00:26:41] [SPEAKER_00] and I'm absolutely okay with that. Granted, the conversation may not be appropriate to people here. No one knows the dynamics of my work and my boss and I are friends, which is why he was probably so honest with me. I care about my job and have been here for years. I don't want drama to ruin it, regardless if it is one or both of their faults. Opie then clarifies her role in the workplace and Gina being a coworker and says, I'm not a peer of hers. I'm a coworker. Yes, but I hold a position of authority that is above her, but below my boss

[00:27:10] [SPEAKER_00] and I'm the only person in this position. I'm his assistant and we are both her boss. He just has more authority than I do. Lots of people were telling Opie, you know, to stay within her role and she's getting too involved. Opie says, I'm not possessive of him. I'm possessive of my job and the environment here. I updated the post because I refused to talk about it to anyone in my personal life and it was a controversial post to begin with, which always makes for decent update posts. Also, the conversation was not gossip. It was bringing up valid concern, which is part of my job.

[00:27:39] [SPEAKER_00] If it needs escalated to HR, I will do that, but there will be no more discussions between him and I regarding this. Also, I do not know him better than anyone. I'm aware that I only know him during work hours, but I do know him better than this employee and have a hard time believing her when it comes to what she is saying. I have access to cameras as well as someone else who watches them 24-7. If something was happening, I would know or we would be notified. It can affect my job. This girl can be very volatile and if she does indeed get fired, which is the path she is headed,

[00:28:08] [SPEAKER_00] she can use him flirting with her as ammo, which would affect my position pretty heavily. After the conversation I had with my boss, he agrees that it is an issue, and he would be taking steps to prevent her from feeling that way. My boss has put me on a trajectory to go further within the company. I'm in trainings on PDPs, etc., performance development plan. Believe it or not, I'm actually very good at my job. If he gets fired, I have to take over his position without the pay or benefits for however long it takes him to find someone new. If and when they were to find someone,

[00:28:37] [SPEAKER_00] they could decide to halt that progress and make him for a promotion and or not know what to do with it. It could cause a huge delay for me. Also, my boss recently got his own promotion when my group of employees and another were combined. It's still in very early stages, so if he were to get fired, again, I'd have to take that on without benefits and while it's extremely unstructured, I'm also a full-time college student. So taking on all that stress would not only affect my job, but obtaining my degree as well. Also, if this were happening and I did not know and slash or confronted,

[00:29:07] [SPEAKER_00] I'd be reprimanded because it is a part of my responsibility to ensure there are no relationships like that because boss slash subordinate relationships are strictly prohibited. So yes, it does affect me regardless of whether or not you think it does and it is a part of my job to ensure these things are not and do not happen. Opie also says, I am my boss in my own right and it is a boss's responsibility to report and confront these situations. Yes. I had one conversation with him which he appreciated and that is the extent of my involvement. If it is severely unprofessional

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_00] to confront a potential situation that is against policy, then yes, I must be severely unprofessional. I have the utmost confidence that if my boss's boss was in the room during that conversation, he'd have found it completely acceptable, but you nor anyone else would know that. Opie adds another comment, another comment saying, I have involvement because the situation can directly affect my job. I only know these details about his marriage because they happen inside our place of employment and the girl in question told me to watch the camera footage of them. In terms of relationships within my place of employment, yes,

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_00] that is information I need to know as my relationship between a boss and their subordinate is strictly against policy. As a boss myself, it's my responsibility to watch out for these things because I do not believe there is a relationship and it is instead being fabricated by an employee. That is means of discussion. I did my part and not be discussing it further with anyone other than HR because I want to avoid the drama, which is why I brought it up in the first place. I got to the end of this one and I was just like, this whole story just isn't about Gina, is it? It's like, this whole, for me anyway,

[00:30:36] [SPEAKER_00] this whole workplace seems really bizarre before even Gina walked through the door. You've got this manager, whatever age he was, Opie said, you know, he's double her age at one point, but you've got this manager going out with employees and hot boxing in his car telling his staff about his marriage problems, playing like the wise father figure to a group he's meant to be managing and I get you want to connect with your staff, et cetera, but there just seems to be, like the story saying, no boundaries at all and it seemed for Opie telling him,

[00:31:06] [SPEAKER_00] talking to him did work out well in some aspect, but I was still like, I was kind of like on the just stay out of it because it's just all incredibly messy, but Opie just seems really deep in it herself as well with these sort of murky boundaries and I'm assuming it's because everything has just become normal to her. I mean, you've got this guy telling her about his home life, she treats him as a mentor and a mate at the same time as well. You must lose where the professional line is and the personal begins

[00:31:35] [SPEAKER_00] and like some of the commenters were saying, I definitely felt that as I was reading that story as well, the protectiveness of Opie towards the boss and it just felt like they're enmeshed in a way, if that's the right word, and feels like something that's one day that's going to just go horribly wrong, but what do you guys make of this situation? I'd love to know your thoughts on this and just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time, it always means the absolute world to me, so thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing and hopefully,

[00:32:05] [SPEAKER_00] I'll see you in the next one.