Girlfriend Said She's "LOSING RESPECT FOR ME" For Eating Crackers Late! | r/AmITheDevil

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And today we're checking out the AmITheDevil subreddit. A place where it's obvious the OP is the arsehole in this situation. But if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from DrummerSwimming7044, originally on the AmITheArsehole subreddit but made its way to the AmITheDevil subreddit. And it says, AmITheArsehole for staying up late to eat crackers. Interesting title. Interesting.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_00] My girlfriend, female 22 of almost 3 years, told me she's been losing respect for me, male 23, because of my irresponsibility. This was prompted with my action of staying up later than I should have on a work night. Because I was going to make crackers and cheese before bed. But I got caught on a limited time event in a mobile game I play. I was only on my phone around 50 minutes.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_00] In the middle of me playing, my girlfriend asked me why I couldn't play tomorrow. And telling me we needed to go to bed soon, so can we please make our snacks now? I felt really rushed and hurt. I didn't want to explain to her that it was a limited time event, so I just decided to finish the whole event in that 50 minutes. I finally got up to go make the snack, as it was only 30 minutes past when I was supposed to be asleep. And that's when she tells me, This is why I feel like I'm losing respect for you. You're not very responsible.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00] I was really upset, and this might be where I'm the arsehole. I told her she's annoying, and that she doesn't get to dictate how I spend my time before work. She replied that she also has to get up early too, and doesn't like missing sleep because of her chronic health condition thing, and that I never care about making her feel comfortable before work. She works so early in the morning that I usually just go back to sleep. There's not really any time to do anything, so I don't understand.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_00] And complaining that I don't do chores or cook, even though I would if she just told me what she needed done. Oof. To end it, I said whatever. You're not gonna listen to me anyways. I'm done talking to you. Good night. Then we just wordlessly went to sleep. It's been a day and a half, and she hasn't spoken to me much, but says she's waiting for an apology and to talk about it. I don't think I went over the line, and I don't think there's really much to talk about.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00] I'm still so hurt that she would say she doesn't respect me. Reddit, am I the arsehole. Oh, dearie me. It was never about the crackers, was it? Your girlfriend isn't losing respect over crackers. She's losing it because she made a reasonable request. Come to bed because you're both working tomorrow and doesn't really want you banging around in the middle of the night when she's got a chronic health condition.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00] And the wording chronic health condition thing jumped out to me as well because it's just like, come on, mate. And what was one of the other responses? I'd do chores if you just told me. I was like, oh, my word, really? And once again, the crackers was never the issue. It seems to be a pattern that's been building over some time. And that night, that's when it finally cracked. Technical Flan says to OP, you're an adult with a job. Why do you need someone to tell you to do chores? Quoting, I would if she just told me what she needed done.

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00] And then says, take some initiative, dude. It's really not that hard to find chores that need to be done. You're the arsehole. OP replies saying, not sure if this would sway an opinion, but wanted to add context that she's very particular about how she wants things to be done. She gets upset if I accidentally threw the trash in recycling and vice versa. So that's what I meant. That it'd be easier if she just told me how and when she wanted it to be done. Money says, for the crackers alone, not the arsehole.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_00] But you need to work out how you both sleep sufficiently and with as little disruption from one another as possible. In regards to the chores, definitely the arsehole. You're an adult, right? Look around and see what needs to be done without being told. Look if the dishes have been done. If there's laundry. If the garbage has been taken out. Or make it a rule to routinely do chores like two times a week vacuuming. Once a week, clean the bathroom. Plan a meal. Get the groceries and cook. Women are not born with an intuition to do this stuff. So don't expect it.

[00:04:27] [SPEAKER_00] Acrobatic says, dude, I mean this as kindly as possible. But you're insufferable. Nobody wants to wait for someone to play a phone game for an hour. Nobody should have to tell you to do chores. You're an adult. Most kids can understand what chores they should be doing without someone having to nag at them. Nobody wants to have to do that with a romantic partner. I'm afraid I'll do it wrong. It's absolute bullshit. It's just an excuse not to do it. You're the arsehole.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00] Obvious Thraway says you're the arsehole. Wow. You should be embarrassed as shit. You're treating your girlfriend like your mummy. You know she's going to leave you, right? Like the silence isn't that she's waiting for an apology. The fact that she fell asleep without any further words means she doesn't actually give a fuck and the relationship is over now. She's just working out the logistics of how to get rid of you with the easiest transition. After some of the comments, OP edited the post and says I do some chores without communicating with her.

[00:05:24] [SPEAKER_00] But she's very particular about how she likes the house to be. And I'm just not as picky. What you've been saying about doing it without asking makes sense. I just fear I'll do it wrong. Thank you all for commenting. Edit 2. Alright, yep. It's clear now that I'm the arsehole. I appreciate everyone's responses, even the harsher ones. We had a conversation that went well and we've become more clear about our expectations and responsibilities as not just people who are dating, but two people who live together.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00] I realize I have a lot to work on. And if I want this relationship to work, I'll need to change my behavior. I realize this post made me look like a super shitty guy. For good reason. It really opened my eyes. I feel guilty for referring to her chronic illness with such casualness. It's not right and it's clear. I'm not understanding her condition or taking it as seriously as I should. Thank you for reading. And now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next story is from a deleted user and says, I'm the arsehole for making fun of my wife's $7 coffee purchase. My wife struggles a lot with spending money on herself. She has immense guilt about it. And it hasn't been until recently that she feels a little bit more comfortable buying herself new underwear, bras, clothes and makeup.

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00] Still, I have to plan our family vacations because the thought of spending money gives her great anxiety. We are upper middle class and have enough money. The other day, I noticed a transaction come through on our shared credit card while my wife was at work. It was for Starbucks and over $7. I text her immediately to see if it was her, as I thought it may have been fraudulent activity since she so rarely goes to Starbucks or anywhere like that. There is a Starbucks in the same building at her work.

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00] She has worked at this place for over two years and has never bought anything from the Starbucks or cafeteria. She always packs lunch and brings her own coffee. The next morning, I made fun of the price of the coffee. I said sarcastically, I hope that was a really good coffee for $7. I saw her expression change and tried to give her a side hug. She got really quiet and looked sad. She took our kids to school and then texted me from the gym afterwards, explaining that she only went because her friends had invited her.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_00] She also pointed out that my cans of tobacco chew are more than $7 and that I get several each week. She then did the math and figured that I spend over $700 on chew a year. I apologized via text. She got home and seemed aloof, so I apologized in person. This is a huge improvement from where I was at the beginning of our relationship, before I would get super angry with her for even becoming upset in the first place. She acknowledged that me apologizing was an improvement,

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_00] but she told me that she's still very upset and hurt. It's been almost two days and she is still sad and barely talks to me. Am I the arsehole here? I really don't get people how they don't see that they are. So after they type all this out and go through all this, and then they'll step back and think, fuck me, what have I done? I mean, OPE themselves, in the very first paragraph, the very first line says, she has immense guilt about it. And it hasn't been until recently that she feels a little more comfortable

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_00] buying herself like new underwear, bras and clothes and makeup. And you talk about the issues she has around it. So surely you must have known making that comment was going to make her feel like absolute shit. You didn't just make a snarky comment about the overpriced coffee. You made it about her. At the exact moment, she finally let herself have something that was small and nice for her. She's probably already feeling extremely guilty about it herself. But trying to battle through that guilt at the same time,

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_00] to spend some time with her work friends, it would have been a huge deal for her with someone with spending anxiety like that. And your first instinct was to take the piss. And what was those ending lines before I would get super angry with her for even becoming upset in the first place? I mean, I'm glad you didn't get angry with her for this situation. But also, you don't get a pat on the back for not freaking getting mad at her. Rash's hippo says you're the arsehole. You acknowledge her struggle, but yet you made it a point of judging her for it. Even if you didn't mean to,

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00] you pissed away your opportunity to support her in dealing with money anxiety. Then adds an image. And for the podcast users, it's basically her in a box, then her coming out, gonna treat herself to a coffee, then getting basically punched back into the box for a $7 coffee, and then going, never again. The commenter continues, side note, what the fuck is this? We got a double helping of you're the arsehole in this post. And then quotes, I would get super angry with her for even becoming upset in the first place.

[00:10:08] [SPEAKER_00] But yeah, that one, it really tripped me out, that comment. Another commenter says you're the arsehole. I'm one of these people. I budget excessively. I'm terrified of spending money on myself, and the guilt is crippling. Everything is always, instead of getting myself this, my husband could get this instead, or my kids could get this. It is really, really, really hard for me to decide to get myself something. It's usually forced from my husband who understands my struggle, but in the extremely rare occurrence that I get something nice.

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_00] My husband is kind enough not to say a word, not make a fuss, not embarrass, humiliate, or make me question whether wasting the money was worth it. If he reacted the way you did to a simple coffee, I'd feel extremely embarrassed and down on myself. My single, very silly, yet empowering moment of, maybe I will get myself a treat, would be turned into, that was a waste of money and really silly of me. Don't create insecure complexes out of her growth and healing. Washed Up Prom Queen says,

[00:11:05] [SPEAKER_00] you're the arsehole on so many levels, but I'm going to pick this one. Quoting, she acknowledged that me apologizing was an improvement, and then says, are you kidding? You're looking for brownie points for simply being a decent human being, and I wouldn't even take it that far. Your wife shouldn't feel like she has to walk on eggshells when it comes to showing her sadness, not even anger, and you sound like someone that only apologizes to fix the situation, not because you actually mean that you are sorry. And one more comment too, says you're the arsehole.

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_00] You've essentially set up a trap with encouraging her to do something nice for herself, and then punishing her with guilt for doing the exact thing. That is an incredibly dysfunctional and nasty dynamic and perspective to have on your life partner. You should be on the same team and uplifting her, not making her feel bad and creating traps for her to fall into. You're making her have to validate and defend innocent, rarely enjoyed pleasures, and then seem mystified that she's anxious about spending on herself. My guy, you are the problem,

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_00] and I need to do a lot of self-reflection and work about why you think it's okay to do to someone you allegedly love. It is deeper than just teasing over an expensive drink. It's a whole dynamic of values. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below, and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from 1bicycle172, and it says,

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_00] Am I the arsehole for mum shaming my 20 male, sister 28 female? My 20 male, sister 28 female has a 5-year-old. His dad is not in the picture. She's currently temporarily living with us. My nephew is the most entitled little brat you will ever meet. Super picky eater, constantly jumping around, messy, moody, oversensitive, throwing tantrums all because my sister enables him. Before she moved in with us,

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_00] I used to feel sad for her. But now I think this is honestly my sister's fault. For example, he keeps bringing in dirty rocks, and instead of telling him not to, my sister washes them for him and lets him keep them, or when he cries over a toy, she always gives in and buys him whatever he wants. He won't sleep without his toys, and he has the worst sleep schedule. He will wake up in the middle of the night wanting to play, or because he just remembered something. She enables this behavior by listening to what he has to say.

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_00] He's touch-sensitive, sound-sensitive, light-sensitive, sensitive anything, and my sister does absolutely nothing to get him used to it. She also refused to discipline him in any way. I told her to tell him to eat or go to bed hungry, and eventually he'll get hungry and eat. But she refused, saying she won't starve her kid. I told her to stop picking up his toys after him and not give him toys until he learns. She said she won't punish him like that. He still occasionally wets himself,

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_00] and my sister took him to a pediatrician for that, but they found nothing wrong and recommended to a child psychiatrist. So, he got evaluated and didn't get diagnosed with anything, but my sister refuses to believe that is the result of her poor parenting and goes doctor shopping to get him diagnosed. Now, since she moved in with us, my mom has been helping her. When she told us how she's so anxious about moving back, because she'll be all alone again, and she loves my nephew and wouldn't change him for the world, but sometimes he can be so hard to handle.

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_00] I said, that's on you though. She asked me what I meant, and I told her my nephew is hard to handle because she lacks discipline and keeps enabling him. Her gentle parenting clearly doesn't do her any favors. She doesn't get to complain because she paved this way by refusing to listen to our offers. My sister broke down and started crying because there is already too much on her plate. He doesn't get the help he needs. She does the best she can, and she didn't need me mum shaming her.

[00:15:00] [SPEAKER_00] I apologized but told her there is nothing wrong with him. He already saw a professional. The only help he needs is some discipline. Both my parents sided with my sister, and they're all giving me the cold shoulder. Am I the arsehole? So this 20-year-old dude with no parenting experience seems to have cracked the code that's avoided these medical professionals. Absolutely amazing. I mean, the nephew saw a psychiatrist and came out undiagnosed,

[00:15:30] [SPEAKER_00] and you saw it as, see, it's definitely her fault then. I mean, come on. Some of the stuff he was pointing out was just like typical five-year-old behavior, right? The guy wants, the little dude wants to collect some rocks, and you saw that as an issue. All of that just made it sound like you're the actual issue here. But Malibu said to OP, I'm sorry, a five-year-old acts like a five-year-old, and you think you have something to say about it. He sleeps with his toys. Oh no, she takes care of his things. How dare she?

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00] She listens to him when he speaks. Awful. Quoting, told her to tell him to eat or go to bed hungry, and this is absolutely fucking not. You're the arsehole. I'm happily child-free. You're the type of person that gives us a bad name. Jocelyn says you're the arsehole. The child sounds like a pretty normal five-year-old, and you sound fairly inexperienced with children. Gentle parenting is pretty much the standard these days because, well, the old-fashioned ways turned out to have some side effects.

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_00] Owls and Cardinals says you're the arsehole. I get it's tiring for you to see what you believe are flaws in her parenting, but you aren't a parent, and you are not really qualified to tell her how to do it better. Furthermore, most of the things you mentioned are not bad parenting. Washing off rocks a kid is collecting is not a bad thing in and of itself. It's supporting the child's curiosity and interest in stuff that is probably pretty harmless. It's also controversial at best whether sending a kid to bed without dinner is indeed a good discipline approach

[00:16:58] [SPEAKER_00] when it comes to food. Unfortunately, while maybe some of what you have to say has merit, most of your input seems off-base when it comes to healthy parenting, and your sister does not seem like a bad parent in this write-up. She does seem overwhelmed, though, and like she could really use some help, rather than constant criticism and judgment from someone who has no idea what they're talking about. Dangerous quotes a section of that about washing off rocks as a kid, and then says, I want to underline this.

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_00] What boy doesn't collect rocks at age five? Sure, she washes the rocks so he's not carrying around germs. That's a good thing. Mate, I'm not afraid to admit, if I see a nice rock still, it's going in my pocket. But how about you guys? Have you found any decent rocks recently? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below, and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from ProudToHaveBeenBanned, who says, am I the arsehole for quitting my main job

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_00] to invest in my podcasting career? I'm not going into my beliefs, but I started a podcast to raise awareness of something serious a few years ago. UFO sightings, anti-gravity, the massive increase in sightings, that kind of thing. And I finally started to get views. Two weeks ago, I quit my job. It was okay, but I don't get along with a few close-minded colleagues who, in my experience, are willfully ignorant of the dangers. Since then, I've given it my all

[00:18:24] [SPEAKER_00] and podcasted every day, and I've seen growth. Most importantly though, this is what I believe and I feel is my purpose in life. My wife is unhappy to say the least. She thinks this is a really dumb decision and that I'm being selfish putting my beliefs over our income. She works too. My old job was relatively simple, customer complaints and returns, and is going to be automated eventually. True passionate journalism is rare, and I'm just going to say it. With what's coming,

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_00] it's important people show the truth because I fully believe we will witness a planet-altering incident in our lifetime. Truthfully, am I making money now? No, not really, but could I? Yes. I'm estimating if I grow at this rate, I can monetize within two months. UAP research is a growing field, and I see myself as establishing myself in the field. If things don't work out in two months, I've told her I'll go back to my old job. She thinks this is too long. Am I the asshole for quitting my main job

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_00] to invest in my podcasting career? Now, I'm not going to get into the category of your podcast or anything like that, but doing a podcast, absolutely, why not, right? If you believe in your work and you're putting your all into it, absolutely give it a go. But, you're still the asshole in this situation because you quit your job without any clear financial agreement with your wife. She's not dismissing your passion. She's probably just doing the maths

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_00] on the situation. You said, basically, you're going to go from zero income to, trust me, two months while she's carrying the bills. And, what will happen in two months? What kind of income are you talking about? If it's anything like I initially started, it starts off real low. Unless, somehow, you've gone viral and all this would be happening while she'd be carrying the bills and growing resentment. Basically, you can't make unilateral decisions in a partnership. I would always say to anyone who's going into content creation

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_00] of any sort is to, you know, have some sort of backup money to be able to do this initially, keep your first job and work on your, whatever platform you're on in the background and see where it goes. But, Swimming says, I don't care about what your new job is. You're the asshole for making a responsible for bills for two months without anything to contribute. Gravitational Lens says, so you quit your job to join the crowd spreading rumors and anti-scientific nonsense. Well done. Your wife doesn't work too.

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_00] She's now the only one working. You didn't have a podcasting career. You currently earn nothing. You claim to stand for true, passionate journalism. But, your writing is rambling, contradictory, and poorly structured. Nothing in your text suggests journalistic skill or subject matter competence. Expecting to become an established researcher in two months with no credentials, income, or skills is unrealistic. It sounds more like a mental health issue that needs professional attention than a passion. If it isn't,

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_00] then yes, you're the asshole. I hope you're replacing it's not anti-scientific. I consider myself a scientist. I know the laws of physics and these things are not following them. Gravitational replies again saying, you consider yourself a scientist and a journalist and a researcher and you're probably ready to open a new chapter in the history of humankind. Every more or less published scientist regularly receives emails with the same boring BS about things that don't follow the laws of physics. This is too common among all sorts

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_00] of poorly educated buffoons or people having manic episodes. Gen X says, you sound like my husband. We're divorcing. Another commenter says, bold to assume a single person in your career field will continue to take you seriously enough to return to your old job. You're the asshole. Adults only quit work to chase their dreams when those dreams have already proven to be more lucrative than their day job. If you're as fantastic and amazing as you say, you have no issue establishing yourself on nights and weekends.

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00] And one more that says, you're the asshole. You quit without consulting your wife. Put the sole financial burden on her. I genuinely hope you do not have kids or pets and have a job where you are generating no income. Get a job and do your passion on the side. Revisit if this is something to do full time by discussing with your wife when you start to generate income. That is, if she doesn't leave you over this. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts and let's move on

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00] to another story. Now, this next story comes from Topstar3383. Bloody hell, this title. Am I the asshole for telling our friend that my husband wet the bed? Posting in both subs because I'm newish to Reddit and I'm not sure which one is right for this or what the difference is between the two. My husband and I live across the country from where he grew up. In fact, he hasn't been back to visit his family in years. He enlisted in the military right out of high school and decided to live in one of those states

[00:23:20] [SPEAKER_00] where he'd been stationed permanently. But his mother is ill so he wanted to go visit this year as well as see some old friends he hasn't caught up with in a while. I thought it was a great idea because I also have friends who live in that area and we have some mutual friends there. A small world. We decided we'd visit his family stay overnight and meet up with some of our mutual friends the next day. Well, we stayed the night at his family's and I woke up to find not only did we oversleep

[00:23:49] [SPEAKER_00] but he'd wet the bed in the night. I've been with him for a few years now and that's never happened before. He was a bit worried because it was his parents' guest room nice sheets and whatnot so he put some stain remover on them and then put them in the washing machine. It took some extra time out of our plans plus I misplaced my car keys. It was a whole thing so by the time we got to the meetup spot with our friends we were late. One of my friends joked that it was the first time we've seen them in years and we're still late. My husband said

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_00] jokingly, well, she lost her car keys so I said, but you wet the bed. I didn't mean it maliciously at all and the whole table laughed but my husband was embarrassed. He played it off while we were there but on the drive home he said he couldn't believe I told him that. I said, I didn't want to take all the blame for being late and that it was not a big deal anyway. Anyone could have an accident. My husband said I could have just made up something, anything but tell them that. He still doesn't want to talk to me.

[00:24:48] [SPEAKER_00] Am I the arsehole here? This wouldn't have been a big deal at all to me if it happened vice versa. Space Dinosaur says you're the arsehole. Wow. How embarrassing. My heart hurts for your husband honestly. As a rule, it's generally not okay to bring up intimate things you only learn from having such close proximity to someone from sleeping together without permission or if the behavior is harmful. Add in that it's an embarrassing moment and one that comes with a lot of shame. Add that this is a stressful moment

[00:25:18] [SPEAKER_00] with his mom's illness. Add in that these are not friends you see often. Yeah, he made a dig about the keys and it wasn't nice but you went pretty nuclear. You could have responded that you were both scrambled that morning or that he overslept or that he needed to do laundry or anything more innocuous. Yeah, I'd have trouble forgiving my partner for that to be honest. It's quite a betrayal. The other commenter says you're the arsehole. You admit your car keys were a whole thing that caused lateness. Also, there's not

[00:25:47] [SPEAKER_00] shame or stigma to misplace keys and the conversation was lighthearted and relaxed. You decided to publicly humiliate your husband in front of his friends he had not seen in years because he said you lost your keys. You are wrong. Different story says clearly you're the arsehole. Wetting the bed and your wife notices. Embarrassing. Wetting the bed and your wife tells your friends? Absolutely humiliating. It doesn't matter if it's no big deal for you. He's mad for a good reason. Appropriate says

[00:26:16] [SPEAKER_00] you're the arsehole. This is the kind of thing that could actually break the marriage even if it doesn't happen right away. He's not going to forget this and he may not forgive you. And one more commenter who says good god I can't imagine the level of shattered trust moving forward here. If I were your husband I'd feel so utterly betrayed. This is so embarrassing and you just put him on blast without a second thought. This shit will take years to repair. If it's fixable at all honestly. Good luck. Major, you're the arsehole here.

[00:26:46] [SPEAKER_00] And yeah he shouldn't have made it like your fault in this situation. He shouldn't have turned it on you about you know losing the whole car keys thing. But her reaction was pretty fucking nuclear right? Holy moly. To do that in front of friends like some of the commenters were saying not even friends you see all the time. These are friends that you see once in a while. To do that to him I can only imagine him being pretty devastated at this moment in time. But what do you guys make of this situation? Down in the

[00:27:16] [SPEAKER_00] comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being here truly it's absolutely amazing and hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love.

[00:27:33] Bye. Bye.