My Husband Brought Home A Burmese Python And Refuses To Give It Up r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] Now today's first story comes from Scared of a Snake, which says, My 24 female, husband 26 male, abruptly adopted a Burmese python. It terrifies me and I want to rehome it. Maybe this would be more appropriate on r slash snakes, but this problem is less about the python itself and more about my relationship with my husband. So personally, I don't think so. Six months ago, our corn snake unexpectedly died.

[00:00:48] My husband and I were both very upset. He was a cute little guy and still very young. My husband has owned several small reptiles during his lifetime and told me he was thinking of trying a milk snake this time instead of a corn or a garter. Instead, two months after our corn died, he came home with a baby Burmese python. Apparently, it's always been his dream to own a Burmese. Not only am I pissed that he got something like that without consulting me. On the upside where we live, they are living.

[00:01:18] I have several reservations that have only grown since we've owned it. I have GAD, G-A-D, and that triggers my anxiety like no other. Just in case, G-A-D or GAD stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And Opie continues, When I was doing research about Burmese pythons, I kept reading stories about them killing pets, children, and even their owners. So now I'm freaked out and have barely slept for four months.

[00:01:45] This is made worse by the fact that my husband has no experience with large snakes, and the larger the python grows, the more it shows, and also by us having a cat. The other snakes we've had, our corn snake and my husband's older garter snake, pose no threat, but now I constantly worry that the python is going to get out and eat her.

[00:02:06] I've taken to locking the cat in our bedroom at night, which interferes with our sleep since she meows and scratches at the door, and I constantly worry about her when she's home alone. I'll reiterate, this thing is fucking huge. He is already six feet long. I'm home more than my husband, so I have to feed it and change its substrates often. I hate doing both. So much. Especially now that he's graduated to eating rabbits and pigs.

[00:02:34] I honestly think that since my husband bought him without consulting me, that caring for it should be his sole job. But I'm not going to let it go hungry or live in its own waste out of pride. I honestly don't think we'll be able to give this snake the best quality of life, which I think is essential for all pets. He's getting too big for the tank he's in, which is his third since we've gotten him. And I don't think we have the room in our house for the enclosure my husband wants to build him.

[00:03:00] His food is very expensive and eating into our savings. But it's what he needs, so we can't downgrade. The python does not deserve to live in a tiny space and eat inadequate food because my husband wanted one as a kid. At the same time, it's a good possibility it could eat us out of house and home. I don't want kids while we own a python and these things can live up to 20 years. I don't want to never have children, which I've dreamed of because of a python.

[00:03:27] Because of all these reasons, but especially the ones about our cat and its quality of life, I think we should re-home the python. Preferably to a wildlife sanctuary or something. I've gently brought all of this up to my husband. How much mental anguish it causes me. How worried I am for our cat. How the snake is unsustainable. And all he's done is tell me to get over it. Accuse me of not caring about his happiness. And tell me I'm being prejudiced against animals that aren't cute and cuddly. None of this is true.

[00:03:56] Not even the last accusation. I like the smaller snakes a lot. How can I communicate productively with my husband about this issue? He already loves this snake and I think that's getting in the way of him seeing reason. OP also adds an edit and says for the snake people, I acknowledge now that our husbandry is probably wrong. Proving my point even more. Also, I've been informed that the snake probably wasn't a baby if it's at that size now. So take that into account. I am not the most knowledgeable about snakes.

[00:04:27] For me and putting myself in OP's shoes, the fact that he came back and brought it without even discussing it, it could have been any kind of pet. That is enough in itself for me to be really pissed off at that. Throwing into the mix that it's a potentially dangerous snake at this... Wow, it sounds like from what people are saying, it is a dangerous snake if you don't know how to handle it properly. And look, I'm no expert on snakes, but I knew someone who owned... I think it was a bald python. I'm not 100% sure.

[00:04:54] But this snake was huge and incredibly strong. And again, putting myself in your shoes, but I'm replacing the cat with Poppy. Poppy, I wouldn't want Poppy to be in that situation because I don't know what's going to happen. As I said, I'm no expert on snakes here, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to get Poppy off of a snake. If a python, especially like a six foot strong one like that, was able to get hold of, say, Poppy, I'm not sure I'll be able to get the dog off him without doing damage to the snake, which is unfair in itself.

[00:05:22] All in all, I'm just saying I wouldn't be comfortable with the situation. I don't like the way your husband's dismissing your feelings on the matter. And as much as I'm against ultimatums, I'm struggling to see a way past this if he's not going to see eye to eye with you. No hate against snakes, of course. Some of our members have got some absolutely little beautiful danger noodles. Finmeister says, You're in the right here. A Burmese is a huge, dangerous constrictor. They are one of the thickest and strongest of such snakes.

[00:05:51] Does your husband know what to do if the snake attacks? Does he have a tranquilizer ready? Or worst case, a knife? My school took in an illegal, reticulated python as part of an amnesty agreement with a former owner. We were licensed to have it and knew how to take care of it. I was feeding it one day with tongs, which were about three feet long, and something happened. Thankfully, there was a hot water tat nearby. The snake only threw two coils around my arm, and I didn't have to sacrifice it.

[00:06:21] I don't believe in killing any animal unless there is no alternative, or in the case of euthanasia. But I do have minor nerve damage in that hand, which will never heal. Large constrictors like this are illegal in many areas because they are dangerous, and many people get them not understanding that. Tell him that you will not tolerate the snake, and you don't care about his happiness. Wow. He doesn't care about yours, or the safety of the household. If I were you, I would consult a university or zoo,

[00:06:51] explain the situation, and have someone come collect the snake. Fuck him. Shelby Knit says, you brought this up gently and logically, and he accuses you of not caring about his happiness. Wow. Personally, I think the only way to get the man to see reason now is, it's me or the snake, and one of us will be gone by this date. Opie says, well, I'm not going to pretend that I was a saint during all these conversations. I've cried while telling him my concerns after he initially didn't listen to me

[00:07:20] because of how scared I am and out of frustration. And I've raised my voice with him, but only after he did first. I personally hate ultimatums, but I'm starting to think one might be necessary. Yes. Kimbu replies to that saying, you know, just because something is legal doesn't necessarily mean that it's without risk. I used to own a ball python, which never grow that big. Turns out that having a constrictor snake as a pet voided my tenant slash contents insurance.

[00:07:47] I really love all kinds of animals, and I find snakes especially fascinating. But I'm not about to claim that they contain them and that they aren't without risk. It's a baby now. But what happens when it's 25 years old and 10 feet long? Edit. Ah, I just read this already six feet long. That's insane. Why are you so sure that a fish tank can hold it in? Those things can climb trees and crush large animals. Having one as a casual pet owner is the definition of insanity.

[00:08:19] Duck Hunter says, well, it was stupid of your husband to get it without consulting you, but people do make stupid decisions. The main problem is now he is dismissing your concerns and making it out like it's your fault for not agreeing with him. That is a bad sign for the health of your marriage. You may have to go with an ultimatum on this one, but then you can bet he'll resent you for it. Try counseling. Yes, I had a friend that was into large reptiles. Your cat won't last the year. Gee whiz. OP says,

[00:08:48] I'm honestly thinking about giving the cat to my mom or something. I would never forgive him or myself if she had gotten eaten. Little Stray says,

[00:09:18] Another user says, OP says, OP says,

[00:09:35] OP says, Lefleur says,

[00:10:25] first update. And then says, First of all, I have to say thank you for the outpouring of support I got, especially from the reptile enthusiast who happened to be browsing the sub. You guys are awesome. I just want to say at the beginning, what everyone wants to hear is heard. The snake is gone. And my cat is all right. Here's how it happened. Thursday night, while I was replying to people in my post, several people suggesting, talking to my husband's friend, who owns Burmese pythons. is an experienced reptile keeper and could be a huge help.

[00:10:54] I was too blinded by the situation slash my own anxiety to even think of that. I messaged him on Facebook Thursday night and told him the situation. He was shocked at just how bad things were. But apparently, he tried to warn my husband that owning small snakes and then jumping to a berm is like thinking owning house cats makes you qualify to own a tiger. But my husband didn't listen. He's been busy going to reptile shows. Dude breeds venomous cobras. He's kind of a badass. So we only saw the snake in person once,

[00:11:24] when we got it and was immediately disturbed when I told him about the overfeeding. My husband's desire to start it on live food and the fact that it free roams and is handled alone. He told me he'd come over the next day, Friday, and give my husband a real talking to, as well as do anything he could help us to rehome it. I decided I couldn't live another day in the house like that and neither could my cat. So Friday morning, I moved out to my mother's while my husband was at work. It was a bit sneaky,

[00:11:52] but I knew that if I tried to leave while he was home, he'd try to convince me to stay. I called him on his lunch break though and told him I'd left until the snake was gone. He was very upset, but started accusing me of being so petty as to let a snake wreck our marriage. I had nothing productive to say to that, so I told him I'd talk to him later. Well, my husband's friend was so angry at what he saw of the snake that when he got to the house when my husband was home from work, he gave him the tongue lashing of his life and told him in plain terms that

[00:12:22] now that he saw how woefully inadequate we were as big snake keepers, there was no way he was going to let the snake stay at us. Being yelled at really affected him. When my husband drove over to my mother's to talk to me, he looked like a kicked puppy. He broke down and told me that he loved me, that he was sorry for the hell he put me through and that it had taken having reason yelled to him by an expert for him to really see what was going on and that he understood now that the snake could no longer live with us. I know at that point that the sorrow he felt

[00:12:51] was due to having his snake taken away. Not of real understanding. Not yet. So don't worry, he's not completely off the hook. It was cathartic to hear though. His friend contacted a herpetology society he works with regularly and then a member of that society whose speciality is rehabilitating snakes that its irresponsible pet owners get and then mistreat on his ranch. So snakes went yesterday to this guy's ranch where he'd be fed the right food and go on a diet apparently

[00:13:20] and live in a space big enough for him. My husband and I have talked a lot about this and he acknowledged that his fervent desire to fulfill his childhood dream made him careless and selfish. That he wasn't trying to be malicious towards me but he just wanted a snake so badly he'd do and say anything to keep it. It still seems like though that he hasn't learned. Which I'm not expecting this early but it's still a mite disappointing. He talked yesterday about getting a ball python and I put my foot down.

[00:13:50] I don't think we should get another snake for a long time. On Sunday, I sat him down and asked him to tell me the truth of how he got the python. Because walking into a pet shop for a milk snake and just finding a Burmese was sounding more and more implausible the more I thought about it. He admitted that he arranged to get one with a breeder online while he was telling me he wanted a little snake. Meaning he was actively lying to me. This breeder is also a state away meaning my husband participated in something illegal

[00:14:18] when he met up with him to get it. Since transporting Burmese pythons across state lines is against the Lacey Act. I'm very angry about this. I'm upset about his lies and I'm upset that he blew me off for months. He admitted he lied just because he knew I'd say no. Which shows such an immaturity that almost disgusts me. I'm upset that he broke the law. I'm upset that he only listened to what I told him when it came from someone else. Apparently he's been having a quarter life crisis that he didn't tell me about

[00:14:48] because he feels that he should have accomplished more with his life at 26. He never went to college. I feel sympathy for him with that but that's no excuse to treat me badly. I moved back home with my kitty last night but our marriage is in severe jeopardy right now due to the lying and the lack of respect my husband has showed me. But I made vows to stick with him and I don't take those lightly. We're going to be getting counseling which I hope will make him really see what was wrong with what he did rather than a knee-jerk response

[00:15:17] to being in trouble so to speak and will strengthen us. If not, well, I'll have to consider my options. Opie then adds their second update and says hi I'm back. The snake is still gone but I guess I'm coming back out of desperation. People message me wanting to know how I was doing anyway. On the surface, therapy has been going well. My husband has been doing everything right. He's been contrite, open-minded and treats me like a princess at all times. I can tell at home that he's making a conscious effort

[00:15:46] to listen to my opinions and thoughts and incorporate our therapist suggestions into our lives. I feel like the hugest bitch saying this but I don't think it's enough. Over these past weeks, I've come to terms with the fact that something about how I view my husband has fundamentally changed. And finally, after extensive soul-searching a few years ago, I realized what it was. I have no respect for his intelligence anymore after all of this. That is very, very important to me. And now it's just gone. And I don't know if it can come back

[00:16:16] without him getting a personality overhaul. It's killed my physical attraction to him. I normally have a high libido and prior to all this, we made love four to five times a week. Now since all this went down, we've been intimate three times. To be fair, while Snake was here, we were down to two to three times a week, but it was still more frequent than this. Despite all the changes he's making, he's still himself. I don't think I can like who I know him to be now. He's still goofy, absent-minded self who needs me to balance the checkbook and pack his lunch.

[00:16:46] I can't respect that anymore. I don't want to be his mom or a naggy sitcom wife. I used to love doing these things for him. Throughout our relationship, I've taken care of him, patched him up, and helped him solve his problems. I always saw it as the ultimate expression of love. Now I'm just sick of it. He can tell something's still wrong. He's irritated about my lack of forgiveness and lack of sex drive lately when he's objectively doing all the right things. But his lack of understanding towards my apprehension

[00:17:15] makes my feelings even more pronounced. I realized the other day that I love him dearly as a friend. I've known him since I was nine years old, but no longer as a husband. That devastates me. I can't believe I'm thinking of divorce after less than a year of marriage. I feel like such a failure. I haven't broached these feelings in therapy yet because they crystallized only a few days ago. But I don't know how to start because I know saying them will mean my marriage will be over. I've talked to my mom and friends about this

[00:17:44] and they all tell me to wait longer to stick it out because I made vows. But I feel like I found something fundamental about my husband that I wish I never had and that nothing can be the same now. And those posts happened 10 years ago. But Opie's come in with the new update, which says, 10 years ago, I posted on r slash relationships about being scared of my ex-husband's giant snake. Here's the update. One of my friends sent me this

[00:18:13] and it was the best of Redditor update links and then says, saying, I think you wrote these posts and reading them. Yeah, I did. A lot of people seem to be wondering what happened to me. So I logged into this account for the first time in 10 years to give one final update about what happened. I'm posting here because I'm not quite sure where to post. I feel like r slash relationships isn't really a thing anymore. Basically, my ex brought home a Burmese python after telling me he wanted a milk snake. I was really scared of it and anxious

[00:18:42] and he was dismissive of my worries. Ended up getting the snake shipped off to a reptile ranch but it absolutely shook my trust in my ex-husband because he was lying to me. It also made me realize he relied on me to do everything for him like a second mother and I hated that. I really tried to work through the feelings I posted in the second update but after three months, we separated. It's totally okay if you judge me for this because I judge myself. After being separated for half a year, we ended up having sex. My grandma had just died.

[00:19:12] I was devastated that he came to the funeral to support me and because he had known her forever and loved her too. We went home together after the family lunch and we ended up having comfort sex. Neither of us wanted kids at that point but my IUD had slipped into my cervix at some point before this and I ended up getting pregnant. Both of us were unsure about introducing a kid into our relationship but decided to get back together and make another effort. I had always wanted to be a mom and didn't want to abort.

[00:19:42] We found out pretty early into the pregnancy that it was actually a molar pregnancy meaning that instead of a normal fetus, I was pregnant with a tumor. Had the mole removed but I was one of those lucky people who develops cancer from their molar pregnancy. Luckily, the cancer was caught when I was only at stage 2 and responded really well to chemotherapy. I've been cancer-free since 2016. However, my ex's behavior when I was extremely sick from chemo which stayed together after losing the pregnancy

[00:20:11] caused me to put my foot down and want a divorce. He couldn't or couldn't pick up the slack around the house and I couldn't deal with it anymore. I felt like I couldn't depend on him for anything not even when I had cancer. Literally after a week I was told I was cancer-free I told him I was moving out and wanted a divorce. I lived with my mom for a year while our divorce was being finalized and a bit after it and then decided to get a job in a new city because I needed a new beginning.

[00:20:40] I also decided to fulfill a dream of mine I've been mulling over for a while and went back to college to get my BSN in 2017. I graduated in 2019 because I was in an accelerated program for people who already have another degree. I now work as a neonatal nurse. The job can be really wearing and difficult but it's so amazing watching tiny and sick babies grow and thrive and eventually leave. I feel like I've found my calling.

[00:21:08] I also met a guy in my class when I went back to school. We were just friends for two years because I didn't feel ready to date. And then in 2019 we started dating. That guy is now my husband. We got married in 2022. My current husband is the most amazing man and partner I could have ever asked for. I can fully lean on him and him on me. I didn't have to ask him to please pick his socks up off the floor. He even does most of the cooking because I hate cooking. Due to my cancer treatment I went into premature ovarian failure.

[00:21:38] So we're going to start IVF in the new year with eggs I had frozen before my chemo began. We also want to adopt and slash or foster at some point and I've been looking into that as well. I know for sure my husband is going to be a wonderful support for me and an amazing father. At the time of my divorce I had no confidence my ex would be either of those things. I don't want to just bash my ex though. He's doing much better since we got divorced. A month after I left for good he attempted suicide and was put on a 72 hour hold at the hospital.

[00:22:08] He took their advice to follow up with a psychiatrist seriously and was diagnosed with ADHD. It explains so much about how he was when we were together. A little later on he was also diagnosed with autism. I don't speak to my ex because it's too painful for both of us but my mom is still close to his mom and has given me some updates. He's taking medication that's really helped his ADHD and was able to go to a trade school. He has a much better job now and he's been in a steady relationship. I wish him all the best.

[00:22:37] I look back on my old posts and all I can do is shake my head. I was putting up with so much I would never put up with now. I also thought I was so grown up because I was 24 and married but clearly I still had maturing to do. Part of me feels sad for my ex too because he was struggling for so long and I was writing him off as unhelpful. However, even though he had a medical reason for being inconsiderate I still had to do what's best for me and that was at my breaking point. Considering his success I think we're better off without each other.

[00:23:08] Oh, and I still talk to my ex's friend the cobra breeder from time to time. Bucatini the Burmese python is still doing great in his new home. I love that name. And, you know, I like the way that's ended for OP because although they've been through an absolute time you know, recovering from cancer dealing with a husband as well to then turn it all around find something which you you said yourself is your calling and a partner which you can lean on and support you

[00:23:37] and makes you feel good. It just sounds absolutely wonderful and even for the ex-husband regardless of what the thoughts are about him that he was diagnosed with his ADHD and autism and it sounds like he's doing better in himself at the same time because again regardless of what you think about him he's going to move on to another partner and hopefully he's a better version of himself and makes his current relationship work. Otherwise the alternative is we see the pattern which we've seen in these previous posts.

[00:24:07] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love your support your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.