My Grandpa Is Punishing My Father & I Can Stop It But I'm Not Sure If I Want To r/Relationships

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories

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[00:00:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And let's crack on with today's first story much love guys

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Now today's first story comes from Zesty close charge 281 and says

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Grandpa is punishing my dad. I have the power to stop it, but don't know if I actually want to

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm using a throwaway because if any of my friends or family see this

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want them to know my main account since I have some very private things on there.

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I, Female 21 lost my mom when I was 14. Dad remarried when I was 17. My stepmom has a daughter

[00:00:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Female 15. She and dad had a boy male 3 and now she just gave birth to a little girl

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, I've worked since I was 16 to have some money to buy stuff for me

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_01]: When I turned 18 dad said I was now an adult and should start paying rent. It was only

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_01]: $500 a symbolic amount since he would still cover food and other essentials

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I was mad and we fought but in the end I accepted and that was the arrangement until seven months ago

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_01]: That came to me saying I had two months to move out

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Stepmom was pregnant and they would need my room for the baby

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Which is insane because they both have private offices

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_01]: My stepmom doesn't even need one since she's a stay-at-home mom since the birth of my baby brother

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Nonetheless, they told me I had to move

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_01]: By the way, just an addendum. Me and my stepmom get along fine. We don't fight or bicker

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think this was an evil stepmom moment

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_01]: But who knows me and my stepsister are actually pretty close. They help her with homework and talk about her personal problems

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I do love her very much

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Back to the story. I didn't know what to do. I'm going to a college

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I want to be a civil engineer and work part-time. I don't have the means to live by myself

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I called my aunt asking if I can move in with her for the time being until I figured something out

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Offered to pay rent and all she was aghast at what my dad was doing

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_01]: She said I absolutely could live with her no rent needed but also said she was going to deal with my dad

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_01]: The next day grandpa came to our house and they talked privately

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I could hear my dad's angry voice, but couldn't understand anything being said

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_01]: After a while grandma came to my room and said I had three choices

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_01]: The first was continue living with dad and stepmom like I was doing

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Nothing would change except without paying rent. The second was moving in with him and grandma or my aunt

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Third was find a place of my own and he would pay the rent and costs for me

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_01]: He said I didn't need to choose now. I could keep living with dad

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_01]: And if I change my mind to just tell him I was actually relieved

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I could still live with my dad and that this madness was over

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_01]: The following days and weeks dad and stepmom was very hostile towards me

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And I felt incredibly uncomfortable being in my own home

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Even Cassie picked this up and asked me why they were angry at me. So I decided to move out and told grandpa

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_01]: He said he would take care of everything

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Few weeks later. He moved me into one of his rental units. The apartment is lovely

[00:03:30] [SPEAKER_01]: He bought me a fridge stove and other essential items

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_01]: He gave me a check for 15,000 saying this is money to help me start living on my own

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And that as long as I'm working or studying I can live there rent-free for as long as I want

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_01]: My dad and I have been pretty low contact since I moved out

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_01]: He never came to visit me or I visit him and miss them a lot, especially my stepsister, but I'm still hurt

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Two weeks ago. My stepmom gave birth. I visited them in the hospital

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_01]: It was a little awkward but nice seeing them and my baby sister

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, a few days ago dad calls me saying he misses me the children misses me and I should move back home

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_01]: He apologized for asking me to move out etc, etc, etc

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_01]: And I told him I would think about it yesterday

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I visited my aunt and was telling her what my dad said my cousin laughed a little and said I'm sure he does

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_01]: I asked what he meant and that's what he told me a lot of until now unknown information

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Basically, my dad's home is actually my grandpa's as is my aunt's

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Basically the deal he made with me he did with all his kids and some grandkids as well

[00:04:41] [SPEAKER_01]: He never wanted any of his family to worry about basic stuff like house and food, etc

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01]: When I called my aunt that time she called grandpa which was furious with dad

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Not only for kicking me out but also for charging me rent

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_01]: That day he went to my dad's and tore him a new one and threatened to have him evicted

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_01]: But now the petty part, you know that 15k grandpa gave me

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_01]: It's actually what I paid my dad in rent all that time and now he's making dad pay him back

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Also, he's charging dad $1,200 for the rent lost in apartment I'm living in

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Call me dumb or naive but until now I never realized my dad didn't make that much money

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_01]: We lived in a great house always went on vacations and lived very comfortable lives

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_01]: But I guess grandpa has always been helping behind the scenes

[00:05:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Now my cousin thinks dad is struggling with three kids at home a single income and having to pay it back to grandpa

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_01]: So he says dad wants me back

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Because he imagines grandpa will stop punishing him if I'm back living with them honestly, I don't know what to do

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm actually loving living on my own these past six months. I do really miss them. I miss my siblings

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_01]: I miss the life we had before all of this

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_01]: But I don't know if moving back home is the right answer and also I'm hurt. The reason he wants me back is money

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, I just wanted to vent gee whiz what a grandpa, right?

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_01]: But this is the simple case of

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Consequences have actions your dad messed about and now he's been fanned out and he's gonna have to pay the consequences of his actions

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Your grandpa wants you all to live comfortably

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't want you to worry about

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Financials and I'm sure your dad knew that includes you as well

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Your dad decided to take advantage of that by charging you rent at the same time while he's living rent-free and

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_01]: As sad as this is going to sound it sounds like you're right that your dad just wants you to come back home

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_01]: So hopefully grandpa will stop punishing him like he is

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_01]: That's not even punishment. It's just the consequences of his actions

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_01]: They're probably also recognizing a lot of other things they're missing you for you said that you know, you helped your sister with homework

[00:06:49] [SPEAKER_01]: They're gonna have to step up and take those roles as well now

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_01]: So there's probably a lot of other things that you was doing at the same time that like shit

[00:06:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Let's try and get her back

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01]: But like you said I bet it's strongly about the money in this one and that's got to bloody hurt

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I would enjoy your newfound freedom

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_01]: It sounds like you got something really nice there and I would make the most of that

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_01]: But not the lizard genital says I'm so very sorry that your father has hurt you so much

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't want you though. He wants money and knowing this is always going to hurt you and chip away at your self-worth

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I know it hurts but going back is not healthy for you. You deserve people in your life who love you

[00:07:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I want to spend time with you because it's you and without ulterior motives

[00:07:33] [SPEAKER_01]: How about starting new traditions with your aunt and grandparents? They love you and want you around and wish you all the best

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_01]: OP quotes and says he doesn't want you though

[00:07:44] [SPEAKER_01]: He wants money and says this is the weird part because I know this but also it's difficult to see my dad that way

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_01]: These past six months. I wondered why kick me out. I've done something now. I'm thinking it's all about money

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Boots again and saying how about starting new traditions then says yeah, they've been great. I visit them whenever possible

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Grandma isn't in the best of health, but she always came to visit me on my birthday

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm very lucky to have them and their support and thanks for the kind words

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Land of puffs says stay where you are

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_01]: You can miss them and love them from afar. Maybe with your grandfather and your aunt's family

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_01]: They seem like the real family also tried to go see a therapist

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Aggravating secret says nope you stay right where you are

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Listen to me any man that would treat kids like that ain't worth the powder. It would take to blow him up

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I said what I said, I don't hold a high opinion of your stepmother either, but that's neither here nor there

[00:08:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I know this hurts you my dad and I weren't on speaking terms when he died

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I spent years trying to have a decent relationship with him before giving up on it

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I've been in your shoes. They want you back for the money not because he misses you

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_01]: You'll be just as miserable as you were before right now. You have to protect your well-being

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Including your mental health. I'm old enough to be your mama. So let me give you advice

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I give my babies stay put and go to school

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_01]: You have extended family who are more than willing to support you lean on them in school

[00:09:15] [SPEAKER_01]: You'll meet friends who will become like family and you'll grow yourself a good support system there, too

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_01]: This mess with your father would ever stop hurting but don't let it dominate your life

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Your school should have some resources for counseling right there on campus start with them. You need someone to talk to about this

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry about the loss of your mama

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Also drink your water and put on some sunscreen before you go outside getting hot that part goes for you all

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Internet mama's coming out to help out. I love to see it some great advice there as well

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Shortly after op came in with an update and said I wanted to give you guys an update since you've all been so helpful

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_01]: And kind to me was overwhelmed by the support. You gave me thanks 1,000 times

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Before just answering some questions people had my aunt and grandpa are from my father's side of the family

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_01]: My mom's side. Unfortunately, I don't have much contact

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_01]: My grandparents have passed away before mom have uncles and aunts. I see once in a while but they didn't live close

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_01]: They also have two other uncles from my father's side. I'm close to them, but not as near as my aunt

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_01]: She was my rock when mom died. I consider her a second mom

[00:10:27] [SPEAKER_01]: My stepmom knew about the rent I was paying who's implied stepsister would need to do the same when she turned 18

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if she knew dad didn't own the house or the extent of how much grandpa has financially helped dad

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Billy update

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_01]: Monday the day after my post I called dad and said I decided to not move back

[00:10:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't mention anything I was told just that I was well settled here and moving back seemed like a step back

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_01]: But I also said I wanted to keep in contact with them

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_01]: They could invite me for dinner whenever they wanted and I also said I would love my stepsister and brother

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_01]: To be able to spend time with me here at home

[00:11:04] [SPEAKER_01]: He was disappointed and I didn't feel any angreness in his tone at least but he basically said

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Today we'll see and left it at that. I was also disappointed

[00:11:14] [SPEAKER_01]: But then Friday he called me asked me if I wanted to have lunch Sunday today

[00:11:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I said I already had plans with grandpa and grandma. He asked when I would be free

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_01]: So we scheduled dinner for Thursday. I haven't told any of this to my stepsister

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_01]: We talk and text regularly. She also hasn't heard them talking about me

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_01]: But she did say grandma her mom's mom is there to help with a baby and has been incredibly annoying

[00:11:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I laughed at that

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to offer her to sleep over here, but didn't want to get her excited just for dad to say no

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_01]: So I tried to talk with him Thursday

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_01]: The big update is I've just came back from visiting grandpa and grandma

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_01]: We spent a lovely day together, but I also wanted to know everything that was going on

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't a kid anymore and I felt like I was living in lies

[00:12:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Most important things were things my cousin and aunt told me last week, but there were a few more

[00:12:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Grandpa had been subsidizing quite often our basic needs like school health care, etc

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Because dad hasn't saved up one cent according to grandpa

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Also, my college fund was mainly contributed by him and mom before her passing. I guess that makes sense

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_01]: I was also dumb to not realize this sooner

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_01]: He also set up funds for my baby siblings and also one for my stepsister

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Because he didn't want her to feel excluded and to not have the same opportunities as their siblings

[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_01]: This man is incredible. I love him so much and

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I'm very very lucky. I've seen so many people commenting this not in a derogatory way

[00:12:47] [SPEAKER_01]: But being supportive and nice

[00:12:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I know I'm very privileged to have grandparents and family members who can afford and are willing to help me

[00:12:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Hope one day I can help others the same way they're helping me

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Anyways, I also expressed worries about dad's financial situation and he assured me dad is fine more than fine

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_01]: We'll have to be less frivolous with money for a while

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_01]: But that he would never let any of his kids or grandkids to suffer or be in the need for anything

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_01]: As many of you said he's trying to teach dad a lesson. I should have taught him a long time ago

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'll stay out of it. I don't think I'll tell dad that I know all of this

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I know many of you said to confront him, but I think it's for the best if he continuously thinks I'm oblivious

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Lastly we talked about why dad kicked me out. He didn't have an answer either

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I could see he and grandma were very hurt by what dad did. He said he asked for an explanation, but got none

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_01]: That's it for now. I continue trying to have a relationship with my siblings outside of my dad and stepmom

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I also try schedule some weekly dinner with them

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I know what you guys said about my father is mostly true

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_01]: But I need to at least try to have a relationship with him

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_01]: If not for him, for my siblings and for me, but don't worry

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I won't let him hurt me anymore and the top comment on that update said your grandfather is the goat

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I wish I could add someone like him in my life

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I still think that your dad is trying to erase his last wife slash your mom from his memory

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And I've heard about such things all too often

[00:14:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Although maybe not consciously

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sure at this point if he's being honest, I hope things go well for you

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_01]: All I'm gonna say again is that I think that grandpa is absolutely

[00:14:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Amazing by the sounds of it and I hope OP continues to lean on the support of the grandparents

[00:14:30] [SPEAKER_01]: While they're still with us like I don't want to talk bad

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to be negative in that way

[00:14:34] [SPEAKER_01]: But you know life is short etc

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_01]: And I mean not just from financial means but like the grandpa trying to teach trying to teach the father a lesson

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_01]: At the same time. I think was pretty cool

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Let grandpa deal with it. Enjoy your life, etc

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_01]: But I had to go back like reading it

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_01]: You said that you had a good relationship with the step-mom

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_01]: But there was something that really rubbed me the wrong way

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_01]: I kind of had the feeling that you know, she is pulling the strings behind the scenes here

[00:15:00] [SPEAKER_01]: It might not be the case might be just reddit brain going one step too far as usual, you know

[00:15:05] [SPEAKER_01]: But she could have certainly stepped in to stop father doing what he was doing

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_01]: She was obviously encouraging her to be moving out at the same time both the father and step-mom were absolutely wrong

[00:15:17] [SPEAKER_01]: And hold responsibility over this for me. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Let's move on to another story and our next story comes from due construction

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_01]: 7-4-3-5 and says would I be the asshole here if I tell HR about my past with a new co-worker I

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_01]: 34 male I'm a lead developer on a team of mid-size

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_01]: SAAs company that has around a hundred or so employees

[00:15:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Apparently SAAs stands for software as a service. I hope that's right

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Basically, we are large enough that there are employees we can see recognize but not necessarily know their names

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Recently we had a new hire

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Krista 33 female who joined the PM part of the project I am working on have a history with Krista from college

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_01]: In college, I was a lot more in my own shell

[00:16:13] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't really treat myself well and was very much the introverted nerd down to bad posture and poor fashion sense

[00:16:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Krista she did have quite a few friends in college

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_01]: But at least in my view she wasn't super popular, but she was well liked and was conventionally attractive

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_01]: We shared a few classes together on one day. She asked for some help on an assignment

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I helped her on it and we talked and from the sound of things. She seemed genuinely friendly to me

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I helped her on a few more assignments

[00:16:43] [SPEAKER_01]: And finally she asked me if I wanted to meet her after class at a coffee shop and talk

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I said sure and when I got there Krista was nowhere in sight

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I waited about 20 minutes before I called her she answered and started laughing. I heard several other voices laughing

[00:17:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Krista saying something like I would have want to date a fat loser like you

[00:17:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Looked out the front window of the shop and saw one of Krista's friends holding up her camera phone

[00:17:09] [SPEAKER_01]: And it looked like she was recording

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Next few weeks there were jokes about me

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Liars with my face from the coffee shop vid plastered up with creep in bold letters on top

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Kept my head down and within a month the next big thing popped up on campus and I was forgotten

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Didn't stop Krista and her friends from going

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Creep when they saw me like guests for the rest of the campus it got old

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_01]: So I've never got accused of anything or even really ostracized by the rest of the student body after college

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_01]: I did learn about self-care a bit better

[00:17:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Plus I usually am in with other programmers. I really don't stand out as a social outcast

[00:17:46] [SPEAKER_01]: When Krista was introduced to our team, I didn't think she recognized me

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_01]: It's only been a week, but I want to know if bringing up the college incident is even worth it for HR

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Most of my rational brain really wants to just let this go treat Krista as a new person and get on with me

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_01]: But I have a small fear that she might tell a skewed version of the college events and sour the team

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm on against me

[00:18:09] [SPEAKER_01]: So I should at least disclose to HR. So in case she does start telling tales every course

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Reddit would I be the asshole here if I told HR about my past with Krista?

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Now I don't know what HR would do with the information

[00:18:23] [SPEAKER_01]: But I don't see any issue with you know, just reporting it just to have it down in writing

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Just in case anything does happen. Like you said it makes sense to me. What an absolutely

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Awful thing to do to you and I'm sorry you had to go through that OP

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_01]: That's just bullying toxic behavior in my own personal experience people like that rarely change

[00:18:45] [SPEAKER_01]: But you know, I'm sure there are people out there in the world that have changed

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I've seen you know bully apologizing stories before where they have been legit and she may have changed

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_01]: But I don't see any issue with having this, you know, just documented just in case but to Barnett needs as bruh

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_01]: She made a false allegations around campus about you being a creep because she asked you on a date and stood you up

[00:19:08] [SPEAKER_01]: As a prank. She's a scumbag

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_01]: What if she goes to HR and tells them you were a creep in college?

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Came onto her and tries to go after your job by getting you fired

[00:19:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Go to HR, report it, get ahead on it

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_01]: If she says something a response will always be seen as defensive and potentially lying

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Well if they have it on record that she has a history of bullying and labeling people as creeps

[00:19:30] [SPEAKER_01]: When she tries it again they'll have serious trouble believing her and be keeping an eye on it and make someone else a direct

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Supervisor etc. So you're in less situations she could lie about

[00:19:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Say you don't want to be involved in any decisions about wages, firing, hiring, promotions

[00:19:45] [SPEAKER_01]: or being her direct supervisor

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And the rest of the comments were pretty much yeah, just report this to HR get ahead of the game here

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Hope you then came in with an update and says yesterday some things happened some bad mostly good

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_01]: There were mixed responses most telling me to tell but one HR professional saying I shouldn't

[00:20:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Due to the mixed messaging. I did consult a local employment lawyer

[00:20:09] [SPEAKER_01]: The lawyer told me that I should make HR aware of the past

[00:20:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I have with Krista, but make it clear that there was never any disciplinary acted upon me in college

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_01]: He asked if my job had a copy of my transcript and I verified that it did

[00:20:22] [SPEAKER_01]: lawyer asked if there were any third parties that would verify the

[00:20:25] [SPEAKER_01]: harassment and see if I could get their names and contact details if needed

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_01]: I knew two people back in college that I still had on my LinkedIn and was certain they would tell the truth

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_01]: So we were good there

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Lawyer told me to just request a meeting with HR and my supervisor say there was a past with Krista

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_01]: There was never any charges or disciplinary action and I have two witnesses if they ever need verification

[00:20:49] [SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I did

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Friday morning I came into the office and HR and my supervisor an email requesting a formal meeting at 10 a.m

[00:20:58] [SPEAKER_01]: My supervisor came to my desk and asked if everything was okay wanted to make sure I was happy

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Told him everything was fine. I wasn't leaving then it wasn't anything with him or the team

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_01]: He seemed relieved and by 10 a.m. We rolled into the conference room with the HR officer

[00:21:14] [SPEAKER_01]: I thanked them both for taking the time out of their day to meet me and then I did as my lawyer

[00:21:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Instructed I said that the new project manager Krista was someone I went to college with she participated in harassment of me in college

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Detailed how I never had any charges or disciplinary action

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I had two independent witnesses that saw the harassment and gave their contact info

[00:21:35] [SPEAKER_01]: My supervisor seemed shocked and the HR officer went through the info

[00:21:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I gave her for a minute and then the two of them talked for a minute

[00:21:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Finally Krista was called in when Krista walked into the conference room and saw me HR and the team supervisor

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_01]: She seemed shocked

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_01]: HR started with something like we've been told you two ever passed

[00:21:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Krista sat down and looked pretty shocked throughout she did admit to the bullying but tried to reframe it as a

[00:22:01] [SPEAKER_01]: misunderstanding repeatedly

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_01]: She never outright said what the bullying was

[00:22:06] [SPEAKER_01]: But then she was told that since this was an incident in both our paths that nobody wants brought up again

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_01]: But it should stay dead HR made it clear that this is not to be a funny water cooler story to share

[00:22:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Krista and I both agreed to that but Krista still looked shaken

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Noon was coming up right when the meeting was wrapping up my supervisor and HR again reiterated

[00:22:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Neither of us is to breathe a word about the college incident. We're professionals and we're here to do a job

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I went to the break room for lunch and actually felt like my appetite has finally returned

[00:22:37] [SPEAKER_01]: The last few days were stress-starving me to be honest

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I sat at the table with the rest of the development team and we started the eating

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Halfway through my sandwich another co-workers Sandy 30 female came by and said I heard an interesting story yesterday

[00:22:52] [SPEAKER_01]: About you and Krista with a big grin on her face

[00:22:54] [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't get further because my supervisor was at our table stood up

[00:22:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Pointed at Sandy and across the room at Krista and said you two conference room now

[00:23:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't privy to what happened in the conference room

[00:23:06] [SPEAKER_01]: But I did see the HR officer go into the room two minutes later looking pretty pissed with a mustard stain on her shirt

[00:23:13] [SPEAKER_01]: I guess she got the call and was interrupted during lunch

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Not sure what went on the rest of my team asked what that was

[00:23:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I said, I have no idea and just kept eating

[00:23:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Five minutes later two more co-workers on other parts of the project were brought into the conference room

[00:23:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Lunch ended and we went back to work, but speculation was high

[00:23:33] [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't until three that the conference room finally emptied

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Krista looked like she was crying and others that were in the room with her seemed to treat her quite coldly

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Not sure what this will mean, but it appears for now. Krista is still working here

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_01]: But I appreciate the lengths HR went and my supervisor are taking to ensure this won't blow up further

[00:23:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Man, I'm sorry. You're having to deal with that OP just sounds like absolute mean girl behavior

[00:24:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Right and quite frankly and this might sound a bit brutal. I hope she does get the sack

[00:24:04] [SPEAKER_01]: She doesn't sound like she's changed much at all

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_01]: And I wonder what the interesting story was that was told because if anyone came up to me and said to me

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_01]: They treated another human in the way that she did

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I'd be absolutely disgusted in that person

[00:24:18] [SPEAKER_01]: You know the Sandra might just be another mean person as well

[00:24:21] [SPEAKER_01]: But is there some twisted version of this story that they've told here? Sandy I meant

[00:24:26] [SPEAKER_01]: But OP did absolutely the right thing with getting HR involved when they did thank goodness

[00:24:32] [SPEAKER_01]: But now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:24:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories your love your support your time always means the absolute world to me

[00:24:48] [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you so much, and I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love

[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Super lecker