My Golden Child Sister Decided To Get Married One Month After Me r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like subscribe maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first

[00:00:17] story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit. This story is from onetone4608 Am I the Arsehole here for not supporting my sister's engagement? I 24F am planning my wedding to my partner of almost 6 years. We got engaged at the end

[00:00:39] of November 2023 and we set our wedding date for September 2024. Before we get into the current situation I want to provide a little context. When we were growing up it was always abundantly clear that my sister, 20F was the family favorite.

[00:00:57] She was always given special privileges and talked more highly of than me. For this reason we didn't get along during our childhood and most of our teenage years. After attending therapy as an adult I came to the understanding that I couldn't hold my parents treatment

[00:01:11] towards her against her because she was a child and the only people to blame are my parents. After working through that her and I became really close. For the past few years

[00:01:22] we have been inseparable. She's my best friend and I am hers. I asked her to be my maid of honor and she was so excited. She started dating her current boyfriend, 21F in late October 2023. Of course he just so happens to be everything my family ever dreamed of

[00:01:40] with a son in law, exact opposite of my partner. For the past 6 months they've been together and my sister's partner is all my family talks about, even at my bridal appointments. Right after my engagement my sister said that when she found out about my upcoming engagement

[00:01:56] she made it clear to her boyfriend that this year was about me so she didn't want him to bring up anything marriage related until after my wedding. She said she wanted this to be my year. I've dreamed of this wedding my entire life and maybe it's selfish to

[00:02:11] say but I just wanted this one thing to actually be about me. This leads us to our current situation. Last night my sister, 20F and her boyfriend of 6 months, 21M facetimed me together and told me that they decided to get married. They

[00:02:27] said that he would go to ask my parents either today or tomorrow for permission and then he would immediately go buy a ring. They then said that they want me to help plan the official proposal which will happen in 2-3 weeks with the wedding set for November

[00:02:41] 2024. I told them that I needed time to process and ended the facetime. An hour later my sister called me to talk about it and I was sobbing. I explained to her how badly it hurt me that she of all people would do this after she promised that she

[00:02:56] would let this be my year. I explained to her that I want to be happy for her but I'm grieving the loss of my special day because the second our family hears about their engagement

[00:03:06] it will be as if I and my wedding doesn't exist. She cried while I explained myself and then said don't worry about it just don't worry about it I have to go and hung

[00:03:16] up the phone. I haven't heard from her since. Right now I feel like I've lost my wedding and my best friend. I'm the villain in her story for ruining her moment and she is the villain in my story for taking this milestone from me even after she promised

[00:03:30] me she wouldn't. Where do we go from here? Am I the asshole for not just being happy for her? The top comment on this one says not the asshole but I would definitely take a step back from

[00:03:41] your entire family. Your sister wants to be the main character and it seems like she's jealous because you were getting all the attention. Disastra says this. Keep down she's not really your best friend. Plan your wedding

[00:03:54] and have a fabulous time with people who actually want to celebrate you and don't want to secretly compete with you. Otherwise Degree says not the asshole she did it on purpose. She got engaged 6 months

[00:04:05] into the relationship and you have to plan her official proposal. After that they will ask you to plan other events for her wedding. They're not even officially engaged and already have a wedding date coincidentally one month after yours. If they look for venues

[00:04:20] they are going to find one available for a month prior to your wedding. Your sister gives the vibe of an immature child that needs to get something first at all costs and that of a high school bully that says something then does something else entirely.

[00:04:33] So there were some different takes on this one as well. Old Satisfaction says everyone sucks here. Your family is pretty toxic if a boyfriend of a couple of months is the only thing they talk about at your appointments. You really should distance yourself from them

[00:04:45] and attend therapy to try and manage how their behavior affects you. Your sister obviously shouldn't have promised you a whole year but OP you are bonkers if you really think a whole year is going to be about you and your wedding. In that family

[00:04:58] it is pretty obvious it isn't going to be so either way but it's a pretty immature standard to make. The world doesn't exist around you and your wedding, even your family's own

[00:05:08] world. Hell, it's only a party. It will be way too much if only a day or several days really are focused on you. Only you and your partner are really invested in that. So if

[00:05:18] you really think that you deserve to have a year, think again but from the perspective of a mature adult. Hurricane says you're the asshole, she's probably pregnant. And just because you're getting married doesn't mean everyone else has to put off their own life plans. If some

[00:05:35] of your family members never want to talk to you about your own life, you can deal with them separately. But if your reaction to this is the norm for you then I think you just can't handle being the center of attention 100% of the time and that's something you

[00:05:47] need to work on in yourself. Your sister promised you something stupid and harmful like giving up her own life for a whole year. And then she probably got pregnant and had to change her mind. She probably only

[00:05:57] felt the need to make such a stupid promise because she knew you expected something that unreasonable. Life isn't a zero-sum game where something good happening to someone else means less good happening to you.

[00:06:09] And there was all sorts of different comments on this one. Some people saying the sister is clearly doing this on purpose, other people saying no that's not the case. Life happens and she just wants to get married at that particular time and the OP can't expect

[00:06:24] the whole year to themselves. I think what I'd find really interesting is because OP said that they attended therapy and that's when she started bonding with her sister once again and they became inseparable, made of honor as well. So whilst some people are

[00:06:38] saying she's not your best friend etc, clearly they feel that there is some bond between them. And of course as usual there's every chance the sister is playing OP etc etc. But what I would be curious about is if OP has talked to the sister about how she

[00:06:55] feels about their family dynamic, that she feels like she's always been cast aside and the sister's reaction to that. But OP comes into the post around 8 days later and says Thank you all for your advice in the comments on my original post. I'm sorry for taking

[00:07:10] so long to post an update for you. By the way, the sister is not pregnant. I spoke with my sister on Tuesday of this past week and it was not a very positive conversation.

[00:07:21] I was still extremely hurt and she was angry with me for ruining her excitement. I ended that conversation by telling her that at the end of the day she would have to make her choice on whether they would go through with this engagement and wedding or wait until

[00:07:34] after my wedding based on what felt most right to her. She left me on read and I didn't reach back out because I felt like the ball was in her court. Last night she reached out

[00:07:43] to me and apologized for hurting my feelings. She said that she doesn't want things to be bad between us over this. She then started asking me more questions about how I felt. After some more explanation I asked her if she had talked to her boyfriend about our

[00:07:57] phone call. She said that she did and when I asked how it went, she said that he told her she needed to reach out to me and try to make things right. She said it took her

[00:08:06] a while to reach out because she was still trying to process her emotions but ultimately she knew he was right. I asked her what they decided to do and she said that after several

[00:08:16] days of talking it over, they have decided to postpone the proposal until after my wedding in September. She said that their new plan is to get engaged soon after my wedding and plan their wedding for early 2025. They have not said anything to our family about the

[00:08:30] engagement and my family has been blissfully unaware of the state of my sister and I's relationship. I guess you could say that this is the best case scenario for this situation. There is still quite a bit of tension between my sister and I but hopefully that will get

[00:08:45] better with time. Another commenter says your sister may not be pregnant but I question the idea of talking proposals and marriage after 6 months. I'd recommend you speak to her about the insanity of that choice but given the situation as it is, it's probably best not to add any

[00:09:00] fuel to a still smoldering fire. Topi replies saying my parents have been encouraging her to do this since they hit the 1 month mark in their relationship. I wholeheartedly believe that my parents are more interested

[00:09:12] in getting him into the family, he's their dream son rather than looking out for her best interest. Because of this, a couple of months ago I sat her down and had a hard conversation.

[00:09:22] Topi adds she was upset with me for a couple of days but I told her I could not live with myself if I didn't at least give her another perspective on this relationship. She lives

[00:09:31] with our parents so she is hearing their perspective everyday. I explain issues that can come up with someone that you don't fully know yet. I told her at the end of the day I wanted

[00:09:40] to protect her from ending up in a situation that I have been in in the past. I try to explain to her that some things you only learn about a person in time. Right now you're in the

[00:09:50] honeymoon phase of the relationship and that's not an accurate representation of what the relationship will be. People are usually on their best behavior at the beginning and then over time as they become more comfortable and the new starts wearing off things can change.

[00:10:03] I finish the conversation by saying that if he really loves you and has all the best intentions with you, he will still be here a year from now. A good man will not walk away from you

[00:10:13] because you want to date for one year before getting engaged and married. I guess she didn't take what I said to heart and decided to take her chances. I doubt this one is seriously over and a lot of the comments are predicting the same, saying

[00:10:28] that something is going to happen during OP's wedding. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story is from the relationship advice subreddit from throwawayaccount that

[00:10:45] apparently has a couple of new updates to it, one from the husband at the same time as well. It's titled, My 23 female husband 25 male asked for a divorce then changed his mind hours later. Background we've been together for 2 years, married for 1. We're both in our early 20s.

[00:11:05] Denied to the bullshit we had an argument about the distribution of chores that I think triggered it. I thought it wasn't fair that I was doing the majority of the housework

[00:11:14] on top of being a full time student at university and having a job. He seemed to think the chore distribution was fair and that I was overreacting. We came to a solution after all the bullshit

[00:11:24] I'm about to tell you about occurred, but essentially I was feeling overwhelmed and unheard and he was feeling stressed and confused as to why I thought this was a problem. Later that night we were discussing the situation again and I expressed how it feels like he's

[00:11:38] not listening to me and how distant he's been lately. Then he says there's a reason for the distance and I ask him to tell me why. He says he thinks we've moved too fast, he

[00:11:48] doesn't know who he is and he wants a divorce. He says that he cares about me but he doesn't love me and he's been feeling this way for a while. Now I've promised myself since years

[00:11:57] ago I would never try to make someone stay with me if they don't want to. So as much as this hurts I said okay. I cried, he cried. I did ask if he wanted to try couples therapy

[00:12:08] before divorcing but he said no. We decided to sort out details in the morning, I grabbed some blankets to sleep on the couch and he went upstairs to bed. In the midst of my sitting

[00:12:18] on the couch crying and looking up apartments, what felt like hours later, I hear him get up and come into the living room. He sits down next to me and just says I fucked up

[00:12:27] so bad. I freeze when I hear this because I barely process the reality of what just happened and I can already see where he's going next. I ask him to elaborate and he

[00:12:38] says he doesn't want a divorce, that he doesn't know why he said that and he's feeling the most regret he's ever experienced in his life. He says that he realizes he fucked up and I don't have to take him back. At this point I've experienced so much emotional

[00:12:52] whiplash that I've completely numbed out. I'd already cried all the tears I could, now I was just sitting there next to my sobbing husband and saying I'll take him back even though I've barely processed the fact that he wanted to divorce me. I told him I wanted

[00:13:07] couples counseling for him to get individual therapy and he agreed. I've asked him about individual therapy in the past but never wanted to until now. It's days later now, I've gone through all the stages of being mad at him, depressed that my marriage almost ended,

[00:13:21] insecure about myself, accepting the reality, feeling love for him, feeling numb. Cycling through all these emotions over and over again at random. We're searching for a couples counselor but a lot of them have a waitlist right now. So in the meantime I just want

[00:13:37] to know if anyone has been in a similar situation? Does it get better? Does the trust ever come back? I feel like I can't trust him at all now. When he touches me I freak out sometimes

[00:13:47] because that's not the comforting feeling I'm used to when he touches me, it's the feeling like he's suffocating me. I want to be there for him and help him through whatever mental shit he's going through. But this has been affecting my work and my school. I left

[00:14:02] my dream school for him. I can't just keep prioritizing him above everything else when he clearly doesn't do the same for me. And yet until now, he was doing the same for me.

[00:14:12] He's always been so sweet buying me flowers, making dinner, feeling out of his way to make time for us. And before you scream abuse, please know I've been in abusive relationships before and they felt nothing like this. He's not like those guys, this is the first time he's

[00:14:26] ever done something like this. I just don't know how we can recover. Any advice about how to get through this would be appreciated. So the first update said, 8 months ago my 23 female, husband 25 male asked for a divorce,

[00:14:41] then changed his mind hours later. We went to couples therapy and individual therapy, though he quit his individual therapy after just a couple of sessions, claiming he'd look for a new therapist and never did. We've worked through a lot of our issues, we've become

[00:14:54] better partners to each other, but despite all our improvements my mind keeps going back to that moment. I find myself constantly monitoring his emotions, look into his eyes try to see if he's still in there or if they're vacant like they were that day. I completely shut

[00:15:09] down around his friends because I saw the text conversation he had with his best friend the day of and how they shit talked me. My husband swears his best friend doesn't hate

[00:15:18] me but I don't believe him. I live my life in constant fear that today is going to be the day he changes his mind again and leaves me. I've become obsessive about saving money

[00:15:29] in my personal account so that if he does leave I'll be okay. I find myself apologizing for everything, making myself small. I hate this version of myself, I feel like a coward. Last night we had a fight about it because I asked for reassurance and he got upset.

[00:15:45] He said he's been trying so hard, no matter what he does it feels like it will never be good enough and honestly he might be right. He really has been trying so hard and he's

[00:15:54] been such a good partner these past few months but I can't get what he did out of my head. I've tried to explain so many times in so many ways how much what he did hurt me and

[00:16:04] how it's going to take time to heal. His response last night, good people make mistakes, get over it. So I decided that the pain of bringing it up again and again and hurting

[00:16:15] him in the process wasn't worth it. I told him I'd stop talking about it and try to forgive him. I feel like I've just made the ultimate betrayal to myself. I stopped individual therapy a bit ago to save money but the combination of last night plus the

[00:16:29] fact that I feel compelled to post on Reddit about this probably means I should go back. I fantasize about going back to my dream school, running away and just leaving all of this

[00:16:38] behind. I hate that I gave up my dream life for a man who maybe doesn't even want me and I'm stuck playing the part of the good quiet wife who shuts up for the sake of protecting

[00:16:47] his image. I hate what I've become, it's hard to see a way out. So a comment with a reply, someone says, so what I'm reading here is that though your husband has done so much work and improved so much for his marriage, he cannot consider

[00:17:00] your side of the marriage because a marriage is between two people, two partners. It takes more than just one side. It doesn't sound like he's improved as much as he thinks he

[00:17:10] has if he cannot be asked to have a conversation with you about it. That's where the bar is for your marriage, especially after he instigated this crater in the road and has worked to

[00:17:20] fix it. Opie says to be fair to him, it's probably hard for him to feel like he can't fix what he did. I'm not the only one hurting in this. I keep trying to talk about it with

[00:17:30] him to try and work on fixing things but it just seems to make him upset and he says it doesn't help anything. So one year after the original post, Opie says one year ago, I24 female made this post asking for advice on how to continue with

[00:17:45] my relationship after my now ex husband 26 male betrayed my trust, telling me he wanted a divorce out of the blue and then changing his mind just a couple of hours later. As

[00:17:57] stated above is now my ex. Those of you who said that he would repeat the same behavior again, you were right. On New Year's Day 2024, he said he wanted a divorce, packed a bag and

[00:18:08] left to a motel, then came back hours later. I'll admit I was a wreck that day. I asked him if this was just going to be like the last time and he said no. I asked him if he

[00:18:17] felt mentally okay and he said he felt fine. I got on my knees and begged this man to stay. Not my proudest moment. He looked at me with empty, vacant eyes and just left. I was in

[00:18:29] tears for a couple of hours and then I opened this app to try and distract myself and saw he had made a now deleted please don't go looking for his account post on the divorce

[00:18:38] subreddit about how he left me and felt bad but didn't regret it. Then I went from depressed to furious. I called my landlord and told him that I was getting a divorce and needed

[00:18:49] his help changing the locks. My landlord was very understanding and helped me do so. A few hours later I heard a knock on the door, and when I opened it my ex husband was standing

[00:18:58] there. I didn't even get a chance to tell him to leave because he immediately collapsed into my arms, sobbing. The first coherent words to come out of his mouth were, you're

[00:19:06] not going to take me back are you? Reddit, I would love to say that I rejected him right then but I didn't. Even after all of this I was still hooked into his web of manipulation.

[00:19:17] So instead I sat down with him and had a long discussion about how much he hurt me. How in the middle of working to rebuild that trust that he had broken between us he completely

[00:19:25] destroyed any progress that had been made and found a way to make that distrust even worse. I don't remember the details of what he said but he always knew what to say

[00:19:34] to get me to feel sorry for him. The night ended with me saying I would take him back. He was smiling saying he'd never felt so hopeful. He wrote me a love poem that night

[00:19:43] for the first time in years. Meanwhile, I'd never felt so broken and I told him that after he said he felt so hopeful. He shrugged it off and said I'd feel better in the morning.

[00:19:53] I did not, in fact, feel better in the morning. During the next few days while I was trying to pick myself up, studying for finals and continue going to work as if nothing was wrong,

[00:20:03] he went back and forth every day on whether or not he loved me. Whether or not he wanted to be married to me. He said he thought he loved the idea of being a husband more than he loved me.

[00:20:14] My last straw was when I reached out to one of his childhood friends who I'd interacted with a few times and thought I could trust to be honest with me and asked him if he ever noticed

[00:20:23] any red flags in my ex-husband's behavior in past relationships or behavior towards women in general. This friend assured me that he had never noticed anything of the sort. I thanked him and asked if

[00:20:33] he could please not tell my ex-husband I asked that since I was afraid of what he might do. When my ex-husband came home from work that day, I could immediately tell he knew. He opened the

[00:20:43] front door so forcefully. He sat down on the couch next to me, told me he knew, and said in a low, almost growling tone of voice, but I know you didn't mean any harm by it. I was frozen in fear

[00:20:56] and couldn't say anything, but then he grabbed my face and turned my head to look at him and his eyes looked so cold. He said again, you didn't mean any harm by it right? I nodded and forced

[00:21:06] myself to answer, right. And I knew in that moment that this man would kill me if I didn't find a way out of this relationship. If I didn't kill myself first with how bad my mental health was

[00:21:17] getting after dealing with him insulting and belittling me day after day. I was genuinely starting to spiral into a dark place I hadn't been to in years. The next day while I was at

[00:21:27] work, I packed a bag, wrote a note telling him I'm leaving and that I want his stuff out of the house when I get back, left a note on the counter with my ring and spent the night at my mom's. It was

[00:21:37] an uncontested divorce, filing by mail, and should be finalized in April. I started the paperwork at my mom's house that first night of separation. Since ending my relationship, I've gone to therapy and realized just how abusive and manipulative my ex-husband was. I also understand how broken

[00:21:54] he is, but being mentally unwell is not an excuse for abusive behavior. What he did to me was abuse and I'm not afraid to say that anymore. I've reconnected with old friends and made new ones.

[00:22:05] I've started doing things that I love again, things he never wanted me to do like wearing red lipstick or eating mint flavored things and going to concerts. I've realized I never want to be married again. I've discovered my polyamorous identity and have begun to explore this side of

[00:22:19] myself. I have plans to move out of my hated hometown that he had dragged me back to. I feel so much more joy, freedom, and self-love than I ever did when I was in a relationship with my ex-husband.

[00:22:31] I won't be using this account anymore after this as I have no need to, but I want to thank this community and other Reddit subs that I've participated in. If I had never made my original

[00:22:41] post, I don't think I would have realized just how awfully my ex-husband treated me. Thanks to the support of hundreds of voices telling me I deserve better, I realize how true that statement was. I deserve better and now I have better. I also want this

[00:22:54] update to be a beacon of hope to anyone who has found themselves in a similarly emotionally or verbally abusive situation. Life is so much better when you leave. There is hope. There is light on the other side of the pain. Thank you again Reddit. I'm finally free.

[00:23:11] So a month later was the husband's response which says, I know I'll probably come off as the villain but I need to get this out. I destroyed my marriage and I still don't even know why. I'm in my 20s so is my ex-wife. We had

[00:23:26] this fast summer romance. It was my first relationship that ever got serious. She wanted to go to college in another country and I didn't want to lose her so I said I'd go with her.

[00:23:35] Maybe that's where I fucked up. Turns out getting a work visa when you don't know the language is pretty much impossible. And so the only way I could go with her was if we got married. She asked

[00:23:45] if I would marry her and I said yes. At the time I thought we'd be getting married someday anyways. So why not shorten the timeline a bit? I really did love her. I want to emphasize this because

[00:23:56] my actions later on admittedly did not reflect that. We had a small wedding. I've never been one for fancy things and she said she'd rather spend the money on our future than some elaborate

[00:24:06] party. She spent months searching for an apartment for us in the country she'd be studying in but ultimately we had to decide on her going alone first when the school year started and me staying

[00:24:17] in our home country where she continued to search for a place for us to stay. This was rough and I couldn't stop imagining her finding someone new or going out to college parties the way all

[00:24:27] the movies show and finding someone she wanted more than me. It's always been an insecurity of mine especially because she's bi and some things she'd say sometimes made me wonder if she'd like

[00:24:37] being with a woman more. Long story short, she ended up getting sick and we decided she should move back home and continue her studies here. She got really depressed after coming back home.

[00:24:48] She didn't want to go out because she didn't want to run into people we knew. She felt like she had failed in her goals. I tried to help her get back on her feet but she was just so in her

[00:24:56] head and I just couldn't stand it sometimes. Something had shifted then. She got angry with me a lot, we got into fights and I hated it because I'm not a person who gets angry ever.

[00:25:07] She said I didn't do my fair share of chores, got upset whenever I'd spend too much time gaming and not enough attention on her. It was like I had to be this perfect picture of me she had in her head

[00:25:17] otherwise I was a monster. One night it got really bad, I said I was going to do the dishes and I honestly just forgot. I was going to do them after one more round of call of duty with the boys but

[00:25:29] I forgot as we were going to bed. She turned and saw the dishes in the sink and started screaming at me. I was already tired and had work in the morning and honestly couldn't be bothered.

[00:25:39] She stomped downstairs and did them and I'm pretty sure she intentionally made as much noise as possible so I couldn't sleep until she was done. The next day while I was at work I decided I was

[00:25:50] done. It was like some sort of switch just flipped in my brain. I didn't want to go on being treated like this. I'd seen this kind of stuff play out with my own parents and didn't want to be miserable

[00:25:59] like them. So when I got home I sat her down and told her I wanted a divorce. She seemed surprised which I thought was strange because from my end it seemed like we were both unhappy. She took it

[00:26:10] pretty well though. We had a long conversation about our feelings and stuff and decided I'd take the bed and she'd take the couch and we'd sort out details in the morning. She asked if I was sure,

[00:26:19] if I wanted to try therapy first and I was so sure that this was what I wanted. It was rough. Laying upstairs in our bed I was able to hear her sobbing and I was so sure this was what was best

[00:26:30] for both of us. And I don't even know how to describe it. It was like a switch flipped in my head again and I started imagining what my life would be like without her. The morning coffees

[00:26:40] and kisses, the way she always remembered my birthday my family forgets every year. Her constant encouragement, seeing her smile and then my mind flashed how broken she looked when I

[00:26:49] told her we were done and I cannot even begin to describe the stab in the heart I felt when I realized I just hurt the person I love most in the world. I knew I couldn't live without her and

[00:26:59] I'd do anything to make her smile again. So I went downstairs, it was still late at night, I don't know how much time had passed and watched her try to wipe away her tears and

[00:27:10] tried to look put together as I sat down next to her. I didn't even know what to say, the first thing I could think of was I fucked up so bad. She set down her laptop and saw it

[00:27:19] was open to some apartment search site. She asked me what I meant and I told her I still loved her, that I didn't know why I said everything that I did and I don't deserve any sort of forgiveness

[00:27:29] but could we please try again? And this saint of a woman held me in her arms as I broke down crying and forgave me. She said she wanted couples therapy which I instantly agreed to, would've agreed to anything she wanted if it meant staying together.

[00:27:43] The next day was rough, she was starting a new job, I have terrible timing I know and she wouldn't even undress in front of me. She went into the bathroom to change clothes,

[00:27:52] there was no kiss goodbye before work, no kiss hello after, she wouldn't even look me in the eyes. This went on for a while, it was a full week before she let me have sex with her and things did

[00:28:03] slowly start to get better but she was never fully the same. The fun loving woman I fell in love with was gone, it was like the light in her eyes had gone out. I tried everything I could,

[00:28:13] went to therapy sessions, I bought her flowers, planned date nights, went out of my way to get her favorite chocolate, listened to the book she wanted about emotional labor and I even created a

[00:28:23] chore chart so the housework could even out. And some days she'd be fine but there was a lot of nights where I'd wake up to hear her crying in the bed next to me. If I tried to comfort her,

[00:28:32] she'd push me away and say she was fine, so at some point I stopped trying and just lay there and listen to her trying to stifle her sobs and wonder how many nights she was doing this.

[00:28:42] At the time she'd get angry, any mistake I made she'd always find a way to tie it back to how I abandoned her, it was like nothing I could ever do would be enough. I'd always be the monster who

[00:28:53] made her feel unloved. One of the worst gut punches was when I realized she changed her phone background from a photo of us to a bunch of photos of her friends. I asked her why she

[00:29:03] changed it and she said she just felt like it. My background stayed as a picture of her until the very last day. After months of this back and forth trying to please her and one too many nights

[00:29:13] of listening to her crying in bed, I looked through her phone and saw something she'd written about how she felt trapped in our marriage. The next day I told her I wanted a divorce,

[00:29:22] that I knew she was unhappy and I was too, and this was the best for both of us. I went further this time, packed a bag and went to a hotel, turned off my location. She acted

[00:29:32] different this time. The first time she was calm, self-assured, said she wasn't going to beg for me but this time was different. She was hysterical, literally got on her knees begging me to stay.

[00:29:42] I was really unlike her, I was honestly a little worried for her safety. But I left anyways, hopped online and told the boys it was over, tried to distract myself with gaming because

[00:29:52] it was the only thing that keeps me sane. Eventually I logged off and just laid in the hotel bed listening to music trying to fall asleep, then a song came on that meant something

[00:30:00] to our relationship and it was like something broken me. I couldn't stop crying. I ran to the car and drove back home sobbing and speeding, I'm not sure how I didn't crash. When I got there I

[00:30:11] tried to unlock the door and the key wouldn't fit, she'd changed the locks already. Had to knock on the door of my own home and the waiting seemed to last forever. I know it sounds pathetic but as

[00:30:21] soon as she opened the door I just collapsed into her. I was crying so much I nearly hyperventilated. She was standing really still, she didn't say anything and her arms were flat by her side,

[00:30:32] I could tell she wasn't going to take me back this time. After I pulled myself together I saw a bunch of trash bags by the table and knew it was probably my things. I asked her if she'd

[00:30:42] take me back, she hesitated for a while before saying she'd have to think about it. We had a long talk, a good talk, about our whole relationship and everything that had happened. Somehow I managed

[00:30:52] to convince her that we could give it another try. I'd gone from feeling so empty that morning to feeling so hopeful by the night time. I felt like this time really would be different. I started

[00:31:03] writing again, she even let me have sex with her that night rather than waiting a week like last time. She said she felt broken and was saying some scary shit about wanting to kill herself but

[00:31:12] she's always been a bit melodramatic so I knew she'd come around. I fell asleep dreaming of a better life for us. But the next days were hell. I woke up realizing that after I'd fallen asleep

[00:31:23] she'd put her clothes back on and slept on the floor. She would barely eat, everything she did seemed robotic and every night I'd have to pull her away from the knives and pills because she

[00:31:33] kept saying things about how she didn't want to live. One night it got really bad, she was crying in bed as usual and when I asked her what was wrong she started begging me to kill her, saying

[00:31:44] I was a coward for killing her soul and leaving her body here to suffer. I was really scared for both of us. I managed to talk her down somehow and the next morning I came home to a note on

[00:31:54] the counter saying she was staying at her mothers and she wanted me out of here by the weeks end. She left a ring on the note so I knew she was serious and honestly I was just glad it wasn't

[00:32:03] a suicide note. So I took the rest of my things and left. We've interacted a few times since then to get papers sorted and now the divorce is final. From what I can tell she seems happy,

[00:32:14] I guess she's moving on and maybe has a new guy, I can't tell. I try not to look at her things. Her life for me I can't figure out why I did it. She's telling people I was abusive,

[00:32:24] maybe I was. My father seems to think I'm in the right which makes me feel icky because he's a misogynistic prick. I loved her, I really did and I'm starting to realize just how much she

[00:32:35] did for me. My apartment's a mess without her, my life's a mess and I keep forgetting shit because she's not here to remind me. I have a toothache but keep forgetting to make an appointment

[00:32:45] because she's always the one to do that and I don't even think I have dental insurance anyways. I miss my dog, I miss her, I miss having someone to come home and vent to,

[00:32:54] she was always so understanding of me. I took her for granted and now she's off to some foreign country probably fucking her ex or something and I'm stuck here away from my family and friends working my ass off in a 9-5 with nothing to show for it.

[00:33:09] And the top comments on this one pretty much said so, you were shite with chores, don't know if you have dental insurance and can't make your own appointments. You played with the boys on video games which would normally be fine except it

[00:33:20] sounds like you made her into your mother so you sound like an immature teen that needs to be told to get his ass off to contribute to the house. Leslie says, I have a toothache but keep forgetting

[00:33:30] to make an appointment because she's always the one to do that. It's a beautiful thing when weaponized incompetence backfires. Q adds lol so you move out and your apartment is a mess and you're incapable of making your

[00:33:43] own dentist appointments. Sounds like she dodged a bullet, she'd be thriving without having to babysit her partner. Opie says, I want to point out that I did start contributing more after she told me. I just didn't realize how much she was doing.

[00:34:24] Huge thanks from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories, your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.