My Girlfriends Brother Took My Project Car WITHOUT PERMISSION | r/AITA

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_00] Now this story comes from Full Plastic who says, My 27 male girlfriend's 25 female brother, 29 male, drove my car without my permission. And I have proof that he did it. I lived with my girlfriend for a few years and we've been a great match. Her only weakness is that she will give in to her family's request if they pressure her enough.

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_00] I restored a car by myself in my early twenties. It's customized to my liking and took me years to build from the ground up. I'm not a huge dick about it, as I drive anyone around in it and I don't get bent out of shape when people touch it. My only rule, which my girlfriend knows, is that I do not like anyone else driving my car. Her brother took a liking to the car immediately after he met me and has bothered me to let him drive it often.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_00] Her whole family jumps in it and says I should let him take it for a spin. Her mom even kept going and said, What's the harm in just letting him drive it? I've always laughed it off because they all know I don't lend it out to anyone. I was out of town for the weekend on business and things went on as usual. I flew back into town and went about life. This morning I noticed my car was posted in a group that spots vehicles in my city.

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00] I saw what I'm convinced is my girlfriend's brother's face through the glass in a parking lot. I know for a fact it is my car and sometimes these people hold onto photos before posting them. But I have very short hair and the man in the picture has two inches of hair like my girlfriend's brother. Should I confront them both? I want to do this without causing too much of a fuss because it's not a big deal to everyone. I just don't like people I'm not very close with driving my cars.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_00] So either the girlfriend's handed these keys over because you gave us a little hint in the first paragraph that she has a weakness of giving in to her family's requests if they pressure her enough. Or the brother's taking the keys from her. Stolen the keys from her, should I say. And then stolen your car and taking it out for a joyride. And to discover this information I would simply be asking the girlfriend with the photo evidence that you have about how did your brother end up driving the car while you was away.

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_00] Then her answer is going to tell you everything that you need to know. If she gave him the keys, it's a huge betrayal after what she already knows about how you feel about the car. And if he stole them from her, she should be equally as angry as you are in this situation. And if not, again, that's also telling. Either way, someone was stealing in this situation. And it's quite as simple as that. And in Opie's TLDR on this, they said, how do I confront them without making too much of a fuss?

[00:03:00] [SPEAKER_00] But the thing is, you should be making a fuss on this. But a commentator says similar saying that's called theft. He's not on your insurance. I'd be making a big fuss. He's 29, not 16. That's screwed up in a lot of ways. Opie says, that's my way of thinking. I'm pretty upset over the clear breach of boundaries along with the immaturity. I'm just thinking of the best way to approach the situation because I tend to get a bit extra when I lose my temper. Moonlight Tracer says, I'll confront your girlfriend first.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_00] I saw a picture of your brother driving my car on this group. You know I don't like people driving my car. And I feel hurt that you go behind my back to allow him to drive it. It doesn't matter if it's not a big deal to you. You should respect the boundaries I set in place with my belongings. I cannot trust you with this car and therefore you will no longer have access to the keys. Take deep breaths. You know you might get out of control so just stick to whatever script you decide. If you feel yourself getting mad, just calmly tell her that you need some time to think.

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_00] You getting mad will only make her more defensive. Stick to how hurt and disrespected you feel. Opie says, I've calmed down quite a bit to think rationally about this. I know that I'm just going to calmly confront her and him about this. I plan to speak to her first and him face to face after with photo on hand. I'm just going to tell them both that I'm very disappointed and that this was a huge breach of trust. In the future, when they make reference to driving my car, I'll be as harsh and blunt as possible about not letting any of them drive it.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_00] Someone says, what kind of car is it? Opie says, it's a 1970s Nissan Zed. I just had a look at those and they're cheeky little cars there. They look quite nice. And I was looking at the prices and they was ranging from like 17,000. Some of them were up to like 40 odd thousand. So bloody hell. Again, I might be looking at something completely different there. So you have to forgive me. But I imagine that's quite pricey a 1970s car like that that he's looked after by the sounds of it. But Opie came in with an update and says,

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_00] I took the advice given and contacted the guy who posted the picture for details. The information he provided proved this picture was taken when I was away from town and a couple of minutes from my house outside of a grocery store. So I printed the picture and information to take home with me. When I got in, I went straight to my girlfriend and told her I'd like to speak to her about something. I put the picture on the table with a conversation I had with the guy who posted it. It took a second to register with her at first, but then she just asked, is that my brother?

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_00] I told her I saw this posted in the spotted group and asked when her brother had access to my car. She said she had had him over because she was making dinner for her parents and brother the day after I left. We walked through the entire day and long story short, she went to take a nap and asked her brother to pick up some stuff from the store. She went in the bathroom and he left, then came back with the stuff. By this time, I was on the edge of exploding. It's obvious that her brother took my car to the store for a joyride.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00] At the time, I angered them both to be honest. I didn't know if I wanted to believe her story or just condemned them both. I told her I needed to cool off a bit and went outside. She seemed a mix of upset and confused. When I got back inside, she was on the phone with her brother in the other room. I could hear her yelling, don't fucking lie. So I walked in and told her to make him come over and I'd like to speak to him. I called off a bit by the time he pulled up. I asked him to take a seat and showed him the pictures and conversation.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00] I was about to ask him to explain before my girlfriend jumped in and asked, did you take his car to the store when I asked you to pick up some stuff up the other day? He didn't say anything, so I started speaking. I told him that he took my car without permission after I made it abundantly clear that nobody else should drive it. This is not only disrespectful to me, but it's also dangerous from an insurance standpoint and illegal. He just sat there and said nothing. I told him and my girlfriend that I will leave it alone this time,

[00:06:52] [SPEAKER_00] but if something like this ever happens again, I'll call the cops. We sat in silence for a while until I told him it's time to go. He tried to apologize, but I stopped him and said he should just learn from this and make better decisions. I also reminded him of my promise to call the cops next time and that he is not allowed in my car anymore. He left and then I turned to my girlfriend and told her that my trust had been breached. I love her and will give her the benefit of the doubt on this, but to take it as a lesson on being firm with her family.

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_00] That the whole, oh, but they're family or what's the harm shit is not tolerated anymore. She agreed and apologized for the whole thing. I now keep my keys locked away in a place only I know. My girlfriend called her mother and started explaining the whole thing. I cracked the beer and rested easy. All is well at the moment, but I keep in mind that this happened once. It's definitely going to be different around her family, but I think that's a good thing. Thanks, Reddit. So a commenter said to OP, well done, sir.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_00] You kept your cool, told off the brother and kept good relationship with girlfriend and parents. Have another beer. OP says I'm glad that I'll still be on okay terms with her family. From what I heard, her mom and dad are pretty shocked that their son did that. I'll leave getting angry and yelling to them now. Frodo says what your girlfriend did, jumping in, is only suspicious because we've seen all movies or TV shows where that happened, like Joey saves Chandler from revealing too much to Phoebe.

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_00] Your girlfriend probably did it because she is in fact genuinely angry and wanted to yell at her brother so you didn't have to. She felt bad that her family did this to you. And felt responsible. So she wanted to fix it for you. OP says, that's what I believe happened. I know she was upset and very embarrassed by the entire thing based on how her voice sounded. She probably didn't want to hear him try to lie his way out of it for all I know. Commodore says, having been in the girlfriend just last week in a similar situation.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_00] I called my brother immediately and flipped on him. I was mad for my boyfriend and embarrassed for myself. Totally understandable if she did that. And someone was saying OP's the arsehole for the way he reacted to all this. And OP says, maybe I am an arsehole and you're entitled to your opinion of me. No disputing that. I'm upset that the brother of my girlfriend took one of my prized possessions for a drive when it's clear to everyone that I do not want anyone else driving it.

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_00] I might be overreacting by hiding my keys, but I don't trust leaving them out in the open at the moment. Didn't work out the last time. As for calling the cops, like I said above, I told him if something like this happens again, I'd be calling the cops. Would you like someone borrowing something precious yours again after you told them not to the first time you caught them? And edit. As per previous comments, I'm currently gathering parts for a kill switch and nobody knows where my keys are hidden but me. Edit 2.

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_00] After a bit of thinking and reading comments below, I realized that I left things a bit unfinished with my girlfriend and I sat her down. I apologized to her if I made her feel any of this was her fault and assured her it wasn't because in truth, it really isn't. In the heat of the moment, my mind was clouded. She was relieved that I wasn't mad at her and told me how embarrassed she was about the entire situation. We talked a bit more and I reassured her she couldn't have known he'd do that and did nothing wrong.

[00:10:09] [SPEAKER_00] She knows where I keep my car keys and we're all good. Her brother did call and apologized to me again. I appreciated him reaching out and told him as long as it's not repeated, we're all trying to move on. I've seen that people find it odd or childish how protective of my car I am in the comments below. They might be right and I overreacted a bit. I'll admit that. This car holds a fair bit of sentimental attachment to me and I've sunk quite a bit of hours into it. It's a passion of mine so I've gotten very protective of it over time.

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_00] Again, thank you Reddit. I'm glad that OP had that conversation with his girlfriend in the end because, you know, it doesn't sound like it was her fault. And I also don't think that OP overreacted in this situation. Like OP said, it's sentimental. He's put a lot of time and it's probably worth quite a bit and this guy's just taken his possession and gone for a ride in it. It takes the piss. Like I always say, it's not hard to be respectful of other people and that's just so, so disrespectful. Taking someone's car out like that.

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_00] And it's a thought process. He was thinking, where's the keys? I need to sneak them out to go and take the car, etc, etc. I know people, well, a couple of people. One owns a Sierra Cosworth. One owns an Escort Mark II. Both project cars that they've had for years and years worth absolute ton. And I'm not saying this is the right way to deal with things, by the way, but I can imagine them going absolutely super crazy if someone did something like that to one of their cars. I mean, berserk.

[00:11:37] [SPEAKER_00] Again, I'm not saying it's the right way to deal with it, but they would. That's just a fact. And now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? How would you feel if you was OP in that situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now, our next story, it comes from preferenceok449 from the amithearsholehere subreddit.

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_00] And it says, am I the arsehole for blaming my fiancé for Thanksgiving being a disaster? I'm sitting in my pajamas fuming about this whole thing. My fiancé is acting like he holds no equal footing here. I need to know I'm not crazy. When I was about four years old, my parents introduced me to their friend, Rose. She started spending a lot of time with us and eventually moved in.

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_00] They were very close friends and she was very good to me, but I didn't think anything weird of it. A lot of people I knew lived with family, so I thought it was like that. When I was a preteen, they explained to me that they were all together. No polygamy or a sister's wife situation. But Rose was in love with and dating both my parents. It was a little jarring because I accepted it and honestly, it didn't change much.

[00:12:55] [SPEAKER_00] Rose was still one of those people who helped me with homework, pitched in with dinner, taught me how to ride a bike, etc. She was there for every big moment, even the sad ones. The only thing that changed is they started kissing one another in front of me, but nothing gross. Just the typical parent pecs or whatever. I knew this wasn't the norm for every family. My friends were fine with it when they found out. Not all of their parents were as understanding or accepting.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_00] But we were old enough that we could see each other outside of our homes and it didn't impact me a whole lot socially. Twice I had a boyfriend who found it weird, but it was revealed early on in our relationship, so it wasn't a huge heartbreak. I've been with my fiancé for the past three years. We've been engaged for one. When we started dating, I explained my parents and he was cool with it. He hung out with them and spent holidays with us. His family lives across the country and they haven't been able to fly out to visit much.

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_00] We've only afforded one trip there since I started dating. The first time I was meeting them, I asked my boyfriend to tell his parents about my parents and Rose and let me know what they said. He told me they were completely fine with it. Every time we saw each other, it never came up specifically. But I would mention Rose in passing and no one batted an eye. So I figured all was fine. This year, his parents were able to fly out for Thanksgiving. My fiancé and I were hosting.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_00] My parents and Rose were coming too. Again, I think not much of it. Everyone's under one roof. Everyone's nice and merry. Then at some point, I go to check on the food and when I come out, things are noticeably awkward. Fiancé's parents, my parents and Rose all look uncomfortable. Fiancé looks annoyed. I ask what's wrong but no one will tell me. They awkwardly announce that it's time to eat and the meal is quiet outside my parents and Rose engaging with me.

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_00] Fiancé's parents leave for the hotel as soon as we're done eating and don't bother to stay for dessert. I'm even more confused. My mom eventually pulls me into another room and explains that while I was checking on the food, she, my father and Rose were all talking about a trip they're taking. Fiancé's parents looked confused and Fiancé's mom asked, Rose is going with you? My mom had said, of course, which seemed to disturb them.

[00:15:14] [SPEAKER_00] My mom then said she explained that they were all in a relationship together and that even further disturbed them. She told me that she was hurt, I lied, that his parents were okay with them. It wouldn't have changed that they came but they would have been more careful to not make it awkward. I told them I didn't lie at all. My fiancé told me they were okay with it. She apologized for accusing me and I apologized she went through that. She, my dad and Rose left not long after that. My fiancé and I got into a huge argument after this.

[00:15:44] [SPEAKER_00] He said he didn't know how to tell them, so he just didn't. I told him he's been lying to me for two and a half years and put everyone in an uncomfortable position. I asked what his parents thought and he had told them Rose was my aunt who lived with them to save on rent. I asked him what he expected to happen. My parents and Rose aren't making out and in people's faces. But when they're in what they assume are safe spaces, they act like they're in a relationship.

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_00] He claims it's all on his parents for being weirded out and making it awkward. I said no, this is on him. He lied to everyone and made it terrible for everyone. Sure, his parents could have acted normally and they're at fault for not recovering and trying to have a nice meal. But he's still more so at fault. He just doubled down and said he didn't do anything wrong. He's now mad at me and says that I shouldn't be blaming him for this and instead should just be mad at his parents.

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_00] I'm just so confused and lost and wondering if I'm going crazy by being mad at him. So as always, there were some comments with replies from OP with basically additional info. The first commenter said to OP, Your fiancé is so obviously in the wrong here for exactly the reasons you identified. There's not even any evidence his parents were embarrassed about the polyamory. They could have just as easily been embarrassed that their son had lied to them.

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_00] OP says yeah, haven't spoken to them so I obviously don't know their thoughts. If it was just a lot to deal with at once or if they felt embarrassed for initially being nasty about being confused over Rose attending the vacation. The commenter says OP,

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_00] Another commenter says not the arsehole. Is he usually adverse to having difficult discussions? I would not say this is 100% a deal breaker but it would raise questions about his ability to face tough things slash conversations. He dropped the ball in not having the conversation with his parents, lying to you about it and how he reacted after. OP says,

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_00] So OP does come in with an update and says hey everyone, so I'm here with an update. Before I got into how the talk with my fiancé's parents went, I want to answer some questions that a lot of people kept asking. 1. Why didn't I tell his parents myself about my parents and Rose? This was a decent point. While I still don't believe it is my fault for what occurred, I did understand the point of view that this was my situation, my family.

[00:20:16] [SPEAKER_00] And it's something at minimum we should have done together. I guess when it comes to situations like this, people's parents finding out about my own, usually friends, they just do it for me. It's not something I ask them to do. They usually ask me permission before our families meet and I say yes. I thought it'd be easier if my fiancé told them before our arrival so it wasn't just me word vomiting, hi, nice to finally meet you. Either way, my parents are in a polycure? But looking back, yes, I can acknowledge.

[00:20:45] [SPEAKER_00] I should have offered to tell them as a couple. That being said, it felt that uncomfortable doing it alone. I wish she would have told me. 2. Do his parents think my parents and Rose are related? I feel really stupid for not thinking about this at the time. In my family, aunt is a term used loosely. It doesn't mean parent-sister. I have a lot of aunts and uncles that aren't related to my parents biologically but were close. Influential figures in my life, thus the titles.

[00:21:14] [SPEAKER_00] So when I found out they assumed Rose was an aunt, my mind just went to family friend. But Jesus Christ, realizing they probably thought that this was a flowers in the attic type situation. No shit they freaked out. I feel dumb for not even considering this. 3. Some have said that this situation is unusual. And even if they don't assume this is a Fulgur's coffee holiday commercial, it's natural that they need a minute to process. Or that they may never accept it at all.

[00:21:42] [SPEAKER_00] Many asked about religious or cultural reasons. His family isn't religious. Nor do they come from a conservative culture. That being said, I can understand why this is odd to people. And why they need a minute or have a hard time accepting it. Even without those things, I think I just got protective of my parents and Rose in the moment. Especially seeing how hurt my mum was in that moment. Yes, she's used to it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't sting when you're rejected. We're all human.

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_00] At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I'm also entitled to my feelings. I totally understand not everyone will accept my family. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be hurt by it. If I can't police anyone else's feelings, that goes twofold. Or someone asks, what if you never found a partner who accepted this? Or what if you never found a partner whose family did? And the truth is, I don't need their family to accept it. Just be respectful.

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_00] A. For a partner, I thought I found one who was. And even if I never did, well, I'd rather have my family any day. Anyway, on to the update. As per point number two, I realized the context they were lacking may be playing a part. So early this morning, I texted and asked if we could meet up and talk. I went without my fiancé, as we still weren't really talking. We met for breakfast, and the first thing I asked was for them to give their side.

[00:23:06] [SPEAKER_00] As most of you expected, the weirdness and judgment they were giving was because they assumed Rose was my mum's sister. They actually seemed relieved when I explained the whole story and are supportive. They want to properly re-meet my family, which I said was sweet. I didn't want to get into the whole, I don't know where your son and I stand, as that wasn't their problem. However, his mum did clarify. So, fiancé's name knew the real story this whole time and lied.

[00:23:34] [SPEAKER_00] I was honest and said yes. I said maybe I should have made sure he actually told them. But his dad actually interrupted and said if he promised to tell them, then it was on him to say it. They were both very disappointed in him. They actually said what a lot of you did. Even if he lied for all this time, he should have spoken up when things got awkward and smoothed out the situation. Or even grabbed me too. They felt even worse. But I told him it wasn't their fault. Given the context of the situation, I don't blame them for acting weird.

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_00] The meeting ended on a positive note. We were all supposed to have lunch later on. But given everything with my fiancé, I didn't feel great about going. So, I had him go alone. I told his parents ahead of time and they understood. When fiancé came back from lunch, he apologized. He said he wasn't sure how to tell them and kept meaning to. He also kept hoping it would naturally come up. I pointed out it wasn't he just didn't tell them. He actively lied.

[00:24:31] [SPEAKER_00] Of course, they never suspected Rose was anything more than an aunt in my stories because that's the lie he planted. He was sincere in his apology but then he mentioned he got a tongue thrashing from his parents. And I wonder if he would have apologized had they not told him what a jerk he was. I said I understood if he felt weird about telling them. But he should have told me. We could have navigated shit together. Instead, he let it explode. Then did zero to help clean it up. Nor did he take accountability until mommy and daddy scolded him.

[00:25:00] [SPEAKER_00] He made my parents and Rose look bad. Made me look even worse. And most importantly, he lied to me and his parents for two and a half years. How am I supposed to trust him again about anything? I listed some examples you guys gave. He got quiet and said he understood but he wanted to rebuild the trust. I asked if he was really okay with my family dynamic and insisted he is. He says he loves my family and he really has no issues. He just didn't know how to tell them.

[00:25:28] [SPEAKER_00] I said I want to believe him but you can never fully trust a liar again. He asked what we could do to fix this. I said I needed time. He offered counseling and I said I'd consider it. We started planning our wedding a few weeks ago. But that has been put on hold indefinitely. I've been living with him since the engagement but I'm back with my parents and Rose for now. I've decided if this is something I can live with going forward. It's only been a few hours so I genuinely have no idea if I can forgive him for this and move on.

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_00] One person said, Hopefully this will be a funny story one day. Remember the Thanksgiving where your parents didn't know who Rose was? I don't even know if I could ever get there. I love him. I thought he was my person. I don't want to throw it all away but I need space. If we move forward with the relationship, we will absolutely be going to counseling. I told him even if we break up and I don't go, he needs to enter therapy for his conflict avoidance. He didn't disagree. He also called my parents and Rose to apologize.

[00:26:27] [SPEAKER_00] They were civil but I know they were not happy. Fiancé's parents however have invited them to do a do-over dinner before they head back to the west coast. And with my blessing, they're going. It'd be nice if they could be friends after all this. That's where we are. Everything is so fresh and I still don't know what I want yet. Going to take the holidays to reset and rethink about a lot. Thanks for all the advice. A commenter said to Opie on the back of this,

[00:26:53] [SPEAKER_00] I'm glad you're hitting the brakes on things and taking time to process and work on mending rather than A. Going scorched earth and break up or B. Rug sweep. So taking a step back, working on rebuilding is a very healthy route and hopefully will lead to a healthier relationship down the road. Opie says thank you. It's eye roll inducing how summer like you're throwing everything away. I'm taking a breath to think. It's only been 24 hours. It's rational to need a minute.

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_00] A commenter quote saying he also kept hoping it would naturally come up and then says he's lying about that too. He knew it would never naturally come up because people just don't ask if their child's parents are in a polycule, especially with someone they think is a relative. Opie says exactly this. When did he think it would ever come up? And one more commenter says to Opie, you know what's really wild is that his parents are being perfectly lovely about the polycule,

[00:27:48] [SPEAKER_00] which means your fiancé didn't even have the tiniest little excuse for not telling them the goddamn truth in the first place. He just didn't wanna. So he lied for two and a half years, set everyone up for a disastrous meeting, and then sat on his hands and let everyone twist in the wind. I can't imagine trusting this guy ever again. I'd say you'd always have to worry about him crumpling when the going gets tough, but he actually crumples when the going gets mildly inconvenient.

[00:28:15] [SPEAKER_00] Life is too long and too full of ups and downs to have a partner who doesn't even try. Opie says this is what drives me crazy. He knew they would likely be cool with it, and instead, he lied for no reason. I'd have more sympathy if he had very conservative or religious parents. I'd get it. But they are the exact opposite. And a lot of people in the comments just looking at the lying in general, lying for two and a half years about this, and really taking no accountability afterwards.

[00:28:45] [SPEAKER_00] And just saying, would you be able to trust that person going forward? And it's something that I say in a lot of stories at the same time as well. Like when someone's lied, would you be able to trust them again, etc. Because I know myself, I would really struggle with that. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much.

[00:29:14] [SPEAKER_00] And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.