My Girlfriend Wants Me To Lie About My Whole Life To Impress Her Parents r/Relationships

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Hey hey waffle gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:09] [SPEAKER_01]: And if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too.

[00:00:15] [SPEAKER_01]: And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_01]: From the Am I The Arsehole here subreddit saying,

[00:00:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Am I the arsehole for refusing to lie about my job to impress my girlfriend's parents?

[00:00:28] [SPEAKER_01]: I28male have been dating my girlfriend Sarah 26 female for about a year.

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_01]: And things have been going great between us. However recently Sarah asked me to do something that made me very uncomfortable.

[00:00:40] [SPEAKER_01]: We're planning to meet her parents for the first time next week and she asked me to lie about my job.

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm a graphic designer and I love what I do. It's a fulfilling career that allows me to be creative and work on a variety of interesting projects.

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_01]: But Sarah thinks that her parents will look down on my job because it's not as high paying or prestigious as some other professions.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Sarah comes from a family of professionals. Her father is a lawyer and her mother is a doctor.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_01]: She's worried that they won't take me seriously or approve of our relationship if they know what I really do.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_01]: So she asked me to tell them that I'm a lawyer.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_01]: She even went as far as to coach me on some legal jargon and gave me a brief background story to go along with the lie.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I refuse because I don't want to start our relationship with her parents based on a lie.

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_01]: I told her that if they can't accept me for who I am then it's better they know the truth now rather than later.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Sarah got really upset and said I was being stubborn and unreasonable.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_01]: She thinks that I'm making this a bigger deal than it needs to be and that I'm not understanding how important a parent's approval is to her.

[00:01:47] [SPEAKER_01]: She's been distant and cold since our argument and it's making me question whether I'm in the wrong here.

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_01]: On one hand I understand that she wants her parents to like me and support our relationship.

[00:01:58] [SPEAKER_01]: But on the other hand I feel like asking me to lie about something as fundamental as my job is crossing a line.

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_01]: It's not just a white lie. It's a significant part of who I am and what I do.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_01]: So am I the asshole for refusing to lie about my job to impress my girlfriend's parents?

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Now firstly that's such a shit idea.

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_01]: You're going to get found out at some point and then you're going to look a bigger book

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_01]: when they find out that you're not actually a lawyer and they're not going to trust you then either.

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_01]: And there's nothing wrong with being a graphic designer. I think graphic design is an amazing job.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_01]: To be a good graphic designer you have to be incredibly skillful.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_01]: But the biggest issue here for me is that her asking you to lie to begin with.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_01]: It's just saying to me that she doesn't respect your job.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_01]: She's wanting you to lie about it because she thinks it's less than.

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Which would have me side eyeing everything to be quite honest.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Because how do you change that mindset?

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Edit one from OP saying reading all these comments is making me second guess everything and it sucks.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_01]: She's still my girlfriend and I still love her, but now I'm starting to wonder if she really loves me back.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_01]: This whole situation is making me feel really confused. I didn't even think that it was a big of a deal before hearing what everyone has to say.

[00:03:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Earlier my only concern was the lying.

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_01]: Now after hearing around 500 people here saying things like she doesn't respect me, she's embarrassed and ashamed of me.

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_01]: She's a serial liar. She's insane, a fraud, manipulative and deceitful. It feels like it goes much deeper than it looks.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to have a talk with her this evening.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I still don't know how to approach this because she's already on edge. A bit hurt in distance.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to say something that will make this worse even after all this.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_01]: I still love her and unlike what everyone is saying here, I won't just dumper after a year of relationship without trying to talk it out first.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll update about that later.

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_01]: It's been a good year together and I owe it to both of us to at least try and figure this out.

[00:03:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Edit two,

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_01]: but everyone wondering why I haven't met her parents and it's been a year since we're together and questioning why they didn't ask about me earlier.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_01]: The thing is Sarah is in low contact with her family and they're not very close.

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_01]: There we go.

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_01]: They don't even know where she lives, just the city and state.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_01]: For those asking what she does, she has a job in marketing and makes half of what I make.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_01]: Ironically, her parents don't have a problem with that since they are more traditional and old school.

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_01]: They believe it's a man's duty to get a house, pay for children, etc. Let me add that Sarah doesn't share the same thinking.

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Her being in low contact with her family is one of the reasons she says they won't find out and I should just lie to them.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_01]: So, radish slaw says to AP, not the asshole.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01]: If her dad is a lawyer and you say you're a lawyer, the first thing he will do on the following morning is look you up in the big book.

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_01]: The bar directory and lawyer finder. And guess what? You aren't in it.

[00:04:58] [SPEAKER_01]: You're either a liar or a fraud, neither which is going to impress him.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_01]: If you need to lie, always lie with some element of truth.

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_01]: Think of the best graphic design and mention you were involved.

[00:05:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Evil bread says 100% this.

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Any professional is going to suss out something pretending to be their profession in like two or three minutes of conversation.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I feel law is one of those professions that this would be easiest.

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Honestly, it's most silly she chose one of the professions her parents are.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Why not choose an accountant or something they aren't experts in the field of?

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_01]: This is like the most half-baked idea ever.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_01]: OP says, yeah, you're right. It does seem like a risky move, especially with her dad being a lawyer himself.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_01]: She's been pretty insistent on the whole lawyer or doctor thing.

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_01]: At first she was insistent on me being a doctor,

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_01]: but then she started going on about how I couldn't pull off being a doctor when I didn't even want to be involved in the

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_01]: first place.

[00:05:51] [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't bother asking me.

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_01]: She just kept going on about how doctors need to know so much medical jargon and her parents would ask about specialities and

[00:05:59] [SPEAKER_01]: residency programs.

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Then she started listing off specific medical procedures like I'd be ready to talk shop.

[00:06:07] [SPEAKER_01]: After that, she settled on lawyer because she said her mom's a doctor and would probably ask me medical stuff being all clever and stuff.

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Then she decided lawyer was the safer bet because her dad, while a lawyer, isn't as nosy.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_01]: But honestly, I can't prep for every possible legal question either.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01]: It's like she thinks I can just wing being a lawyer in front of actual lawyers.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_01]: God, could you imagine the stress if they were to go into that situation as well?

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Thinking that I put myself in OP's position that I need to think about what if they ask me this question?

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_01]: What if they ask you just don't stand a chance, would you?

[00:06:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Evil Bread says what's her plan going forward? You lie to her parents now and you just keep the lie through the years.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Marriage, kids, etc. It's a half-baked plan because she's embarrassed about your job.

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Completely unjustifiably. You have a profession you enjoy.

[00:06:58] [SPEAKER_01]: If you see a future in this relationship, you need to be honest with her parents.

[00:07:03] [SPEAKER_01]: The OP comes in with her update and says so I finally confronted Sarah about everything and it did not go well.

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I told her I felt she was embarrassed of me and ashamed of my job.

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_01]: She went absolutely ballistic asking me who the hell was filling my head with this garbage.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't tell her about I posted it on Reddit.

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_01]: So I said a friend made me realize it.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_01]: She went even crazier saying I betrayed her trust by sharing personal stuff with friends.

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I can only imagine how she'll react when she finds out 312,000 people viewed it on Reddit.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_01]: She insisted I was being an asshole and that if I wanted to meet her parents, I had to go along with her story.

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I refused saying I wouldn't lie to them and was fine with not meeting them at all.

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I told her she didn't respect me or what I do and was ashamed of me.

[00:07:51] [SPEAKER_01]: I even said if she wanted to be like this, maybe I didn't want to be with her anymore.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_01]: She started crying calling me selfish and saying I didn't know anything.

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Then she dropped the bombshell.

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_01]: She told me the reason she's in low contact with her parents is because they're extremely controlling and manipulative.

[00:08:09] [SPEAKER_01]: They have sky high expectations and even after she became an adult, they would threaten to stop paying for her college if she didn't obey them.

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_01]: When she got her degree she moved away which pissed them off.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_01]: They cut her off and took her trust fund.

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_01]: She's an only child and her only chance of getting back in their good graces and getting her inheritance is to win them over.

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_01]: She told me that her parents would rather get buried with all their money than give it to her if she didn't win their approval.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Sarah even admitted she was going to lie about her job and my background too.

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_01]: She said her parents would think I'm a gold digger if they knew I wasn't rich and would never give her any money.

[00:08:46] [SPEAKER_01]: She revealed she was going to lie about me coming from an old money family that they couldn't trace back.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Lying about my job wasn't enough.

[00:08:54] [SPEAKER_01]: She said she had to lie about my background too because the job just ticked one box.

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_01]: And me being from old money family was just as important.

[00:09:02] [SPEAKER_01]: She said she didn't tell me this earlier because she thought I'd break up with her over this and she hoped she'd be able to convince me without revealing everything.

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_01]: At this point, I didn't know what to say.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_01]: After reading all these comments on Reddit, I wasn't even sure if what she was saying was true anymore.

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I told her I didn't care about the inheritance. If she and her parents can't accept me for who I am then maybe this isn't right for me.

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_01]: She started crying again calling me a selfish bastard and saying she did all this for me and our future together.

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_01]: She envisioned a happy family, a home, children and everything.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I was really shaken, mad and hurt. So I packed a few pairs of clothes and moved out to stay at a friend's place.

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Now I have no idea what to do next.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Lawbot says that's too much lying for me. I'd get out of there.

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Sirfel says what about the bright future with a happy family built on a foundation of lies, childhood trauma, hurt and greed?

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Miss Morningstar says not the asshole.

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_01]: It's real fucking rich that she's repeatedly calling you selfish when she's the one that wants you to lie and make up this elaborate story about your family history just so that she can get her trust fund back.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe her parents are controlling. Maybe it's more lies. Hard to know from someone so willing to say whatever it takes to get what she wants.

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Also claiming she's only doing this for your future is ridiculous.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_01]: You both have good careers. You can have a family with a nice home and all the extra things in life without groveling for her parents.

[00:10:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Especially because this will only be the beginning.

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_01]: If they are truly controlling like she says, she's planning to exchange control over your life for more money.

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_01]: You don't think they want a say in things like where you buy a house.

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_01]: They already said they're upset she moved away.

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_01]: You don't think they demand a say in how your children are raised and she'll bow to them on everything and insult you and say you're selfish if you don't do what they say because money is what is important to her.

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Just think long and hard about whether or not this is the future you truly want.

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Money is nice, but is it worth letting other people control your life and having to lie about who you are to make other people happy?

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Another comment says all of this plus her lies about OP.

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Lawyer coming from old wealthy family when father is a lawyer himself would be so easy to identify

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_01]: that'd be taken for a gold digger by the parents without any doubt.

[00:11:21] [SPEAKER_01]: The strategy is totally stupid and OP would never be able to trust her now.

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_01]: She is beyond stupid if any of this is true.

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_01]: OP says exactly.

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER_01]: Also I've googled her father and figured out that not only is her father a ruthless criminal defense attorney, but her family is also some sort of old money dynasty.

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I was blown away by the idea that she was going to make me mess with people like that by lying to them.

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Honestly if I had agreed to it, it would be like a death wish.

[00:11:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely all those comments especially Miss Morningstar comment there, you know, they've given them control over your life, trading it for money.

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_01]: That would be your life and that's an incredibly shitty way to live your life.

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_01]: And for her to call you selfish time and time again, I get she's got some trauma herself from her parents.

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Clearly that's what's going on here.

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_01]: But unless she finds that help for herself accepts that she needs the help.

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_01]: There's nothing you can really do and like yourself I'd be taking myself out of that situation and moving on.

[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_01]: But it just sounds exhausting to be quite honest.

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_01]: But now I'm going to turn this story to you guys.

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_01]: What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_01]: What would you do in it?

[00:12:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_01]: From what who says I32female just discovered my husband 34 of 6 years is a reddit troll and I'm pregnant.

[00:13:24] [SPEAKER_01]: It starts off.

[00:13:26] [SPEAKER_01]: He left the browser open on our laptop after he went to work this morning.

[00:13:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I go to work after so I usually hop on and do my own thing on my real account.

[00:13:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Today however, I was disgusted at what I found.

[00:13:39] [SPEAKER_01]: My husband is a troll.

[00:13:41] [SPEAKER_01]: A really fucking nasty troll.

[00:13:44] [SPEAKER_01]: He leaves horribly mean comments to all kinds of people.

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_01]: They're filled with racist slurs, awful insults.

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_01]: He tears into fat people, ugly people etc.

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_01]: He loves to troll around places like progress pics to discourage people etc.

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_01]: He sends PMs to people to call them names, calls women who post on Gone Wild, slurs and see you next Tuesday etc.

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I was horrified.

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_01]: Completely horrified.

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_01]: My husband is a nice gentle man who is supportive and kind.

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_01]: In our 9 year relationship we fought 3 times in total.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I never thought this behaviour he would take part in.

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_01]: But this is something else.

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_01]: It made me wonder what else he did on the internet.

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_01]: So I looked at the browser history to find him also harassing teenagers on Tumblr.

[00:14:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Telling them to kill themselves, calling cute girls ugly and fat and stupid etc.

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_01]: It horrified me to think this was the man who could be raising our daughter with me in a few months.

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I understand trolling can be fun.

[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_01]: We all laughed at Ken M once or twice but this goes far beyond what I ever imagined.

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how to look at him.

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_01]: I've lost respect for the man I looked up to and admired.

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Good men don't tear each other down.

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_01]: People people don't do that in general.

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what to do.

[00:15:05] [SPEAKER_01]: I want to bring it up to him but I don't know how to do it without him automatically

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_01]: getting defensive and spouting off same lines you hear from people.

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Get a thicker skin, the world isn't Kisses and Rainbows etc.

[00:15:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Of course it isn't but why contribute to it?

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I never understand these people that have like separate accounts to just go and troll

[00:15:26] [SPEAKER_01]: and be abusive to other people.

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm on twitter or x or whatever you want to call it these days and it's a cesspit sometimes.

[00:15:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I generally try to do my own thing and keep in my own little corner posting memes

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_01]: over there with you guys because if you try and get involved in discussions

[00:15:44] [SPEAKER_01]: and you see people just being abusive to one another and you check their history

[00:15:48] [SPEAKER_01]: and sometimes it's just full of abuse.

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_01]: You think what do you get out of that?

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_01]: A part of me in this story is thinking has he ever showed any kind of signs of this behaviour

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_01]: before like with you or said anything to you but when you said he goes to tumblr harassing

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_01]: teenagers telling them to kill themselves that is some sick ass behaviour.

[00:16:09] [SPEAKER_01]: You don't know who you're talking to on the internet and that could be someone on the edge

[00:16:13] [SPEAKER_01]: and then you tell them that and who knows what could happen.

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I just find that absolutely horrific but the first commenter says you never suspected this

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I think the best thing to do is talk to him about it.

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_01]: You're having a child with him and you can't just walk away from that

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_01]: as horrifying of a discovery as this may be.

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_01]: But you need to be careful when you approach him.

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_01]: You weren't snooping, he left it open, he can't get mad at you for that.

[00:16:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Though I'm sure he'll be extremely defensive.

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_01]: Update us on the internet and tell us what you think of him.

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_01]: You're okay.

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_01]: OP says I don't intend on just walking away but

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm stunned and horrified at the kind of person he's showing himself to be you know.

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_01]: The commenter says how would you know this when moderators in these subreddits delete

[00:17:04] [SPEAKER_01]: those type of comments and subsequently ban the username.

[00:17:08] [SPEAKER_01]: He's trolling on some heavily moderated places so

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_01]: he can't be making frequent comments under one name.

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_01]: You have access to all of his troll accounts.

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_01]: OP says there were comments up that he'd just left this morning.

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_01]: That's how I know.

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_01]: And OP replying to a deleted comment saying

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_01]: calling strangers awful names, harassing them and doing things just to hurt their feelings

[00:17:28] [SPEAKER_01]: does mean that he's not as a good person as I originally thought.

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Playing COD is one thing, call of duty.

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Telling a teenage girl to end her life is something else.

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_01]: So OP comes in with a first update around 8 days later and says

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I confronted him about the issue very tamely over breakfast.

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I asked him flat out if he was harassing and bullying people online.

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_01]: He said yes and immediately withdrew.

[00:17:54] [SPEAKER_01]: After telling him that I needed to know why, really why, not just I don't know,

[00:18:00] [SPEAKER_01]: he said he needed time to think about it.

[00:18:02] [SPEAKER_01]: When he finally gave me the answer, I was disappointed.

[00:18:06] [SPEAKER_01]: He said he trolled and bullied people because it was an outlet for him to relieve stress.

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_01]: He said he didn't view the people as real or what he was doing as anything other than a joke.

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_01]: And if it hurt feelings, those people have bigger problems and it's not my fault.

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I told him that it wasn't acceptable behaviour of an adult

[00:18:23] [SPEAKER_01]: and that he needed to stop it and find another way to express his frustrations

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_01]: that didn't involve hurting strangers.

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_01]: He said he would think about it.

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, he's still doing it.

[00:18:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I saw it happening a few mornings back and after he left,

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_01]: looked again to see more comments and posts.

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I was disappointed.

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_01]: This was not the man I married or so I thought, but I guess it is.

[00:18:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I told him that we need to either go to counselling for this or start the separation process.

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I told him that I couldn't trust him, help raise a child if he speaks to strangers,

[00:18:57] [SPEAKER_01]: children included, the way he does online.

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I let him know that I thought it was cowardly,

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_01]: pathetic and that I've lost a lot of respect for him.

[00:19:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I knew this would be abrasive and hurtful and I don't like that I had to tell him that,

[00:19:10] [SPEAKER_01]: but I cannot look at him the same way.

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_01]: We haven't had sex and have barely touched.

[00:19:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I cannot see my husband as a loving, gentle man.

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not afraid of him, but I'm disgusted with his behaviour.

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_01]: This is the sort of thing children do.

[00:19:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I made an appointment for counselling for myself over this.

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, he told me he wouldn't be going to counselling

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_01]: because there's nothing wrong with what he's doing

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_01]: and he deserves to have his me time and release his emotions.

[00:19:41] [SPEAKER_01]: And because I want to protect my child, myself, I've asked him to leave the house.

[00:19:45] [SPEAKER_01]: He's staying with some friends, but I don't think this will lead to a reconciliation.

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_01]: I hope this story would have gone another way.

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_01]: So Opie left a couple more comments replying to other people.

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie said,

[00:19:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I never said anything about custody in my comments at all.

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Other people are bringing that up.

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I would not restrict his visitation or custody at all,

[00:20:04] [SPEAKER_01]: so long as he proves that he's a reasonably fit parent.

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie quotes them saying,

[00:20:09] [SPEAKER_01]: that adults should be able to talk to adults whatever way they like and says,

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not restricting his freedom to talk to people in any way he wants.

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I am, however, telling him that his choice to do such

[00:20:18] [SPEAKER_01]: is an acceptable behaviour for a grown man.

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_01]: He was given the option to see a therapist.

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_01]: He was given the option to stop.

[00:20:25] [SPEAKER_01]: He was not willing to do either.

[00:20:27] [SPEAKER_01]: If he changes his mind, he knows he's got wiggle room.

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_01]: That is the first step.

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie also replies to someone else and saying,

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_01]: it's not a funny quirk to tell a child to commit suicide.

[00:20:38] [SPEAKER_01]: It is not harmless.

[00:20:40] [SPEAKER_01]: It is not acceptable behaviour for a good person.

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Good people do not tear other people down.

[00:20:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not a fan of breakups,

[00:20:47] [SPEAKER_01]: but you're painting this as a different situation.

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_01]: I gave him options on how we can fix this.

[00:20:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I gave him a chance.

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_01]: He declined it and clung to acting like a horrible child.

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_01]: He showed himself to be someone other than who I married.

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_01]: I did not marry someone who would ever tell a child to commit suicide.

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I married someone I thought who was good and kind.

[00:21:06] [SPEAKER_01]: He's not that person and was not willing to end that behaviour.

[00:21:09] [SPEAKER_01]: He would rather harass children

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and be mean to people than have his family.

[00:21:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I find that wild that some people,

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_01]: and I will say it was the minority,

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_01]: defending him that he can say whatever he wants.

[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, you can say whatever you want,

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_01]: but there's going to be consequences to that.

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_01]: This dude was to go out in the street

[00:21:28] [SPEAKER_01]: and walk up to like a father and child

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_01]: and say to the child, go end yourself or something.

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Father's going to knock his head off.

[00:21:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Actions have consequences.

[00:21:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Six months later, Opie comes in with another update

[00:21:39] [SPEAKER_01]: and says, so as you can see,

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_01]: it has been six months since this all started unfolding.

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Since then, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter

[00:21:47] [SPEAKER_01]: and she is one of the easiest babies I've ever been around.

[00:21:50] [SPEAKER_01]: After one month of being apart,

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_01]: he contacted me and asked me

[00:21:53] [SPEAKER_01]: if I would still be willing to enter into counselling

[00:21:55] [SPEAKER_01]: regarding our situation.

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Of course, after being together for so long

[00:21:59] [SPEAKER_01]: and us having a child and my belief

[00:22:01] [SPEAKER_01]: that marriage is not something to be taken lightly,

[00:22:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I jumped at this.

[00:22:06] [SPEAKER_01]: In counselling, it was revealed

[00:22:07] [SPEAKER_01]: that he was doing a lot more than what I knew about.

[00:22:10] [SPEAKER_01]: He was involved heavily in bullying people

[00:22:13] [SPEAKER_01]: all over the internet.

[00:22:14] [SPEAKER_01]: And he said that this was his stress relief

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_01]: that if people can't take it, then it's their problem.

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_01]: And not his.

[00:22:21] [SPEAKER_01]: He admitted to being involved

[00:22:23] [SPEAKER_01]: in taking pictures of fat women

[00:22:24] [SPEAKER_01]: and posted them on Reddit,

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_01]: taking them from Tumblr, et cetera.

[00:22:28] [SPEAKER_01]: In general, it was all worse than I had originally known.

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_01]: He moved to also doing individual therapy.

[00:22:35] [SPEAKER_01]: While still not living at home

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_01]: and just not meeting elsewhere,

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_01]: he started putting his efforts elsewhere.

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_01]: He picked up a few hobbies to release his tension too.

[00:22:43] [SPEAKER_01]: He then decided that he would stop

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_01]: and we slowly merged our family together again.

[00:22:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I was feeling happy, ecstatic really,

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_01]: then my daughter would have the life she deserved.

[00:22:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, he's still at it.

[00:22:57] [SPEAKER_01]: After three weeks of being together

[00:22:59] [SPEAKER_01]: and our life seeming normal,

[00:23:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I discovered from his friend

[00:23:01] [SPEAKER_01]: that he was still harassing

[00:23:03] [SPEAKER_01]: and bullying teenagers, fat women, et cetera.

[00:23:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I have reason to believe

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_01]: that he is one of the individuals

[00:23:08] [SPEAKER_01]: who bullied Leela Alcorn

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_01]: as well as a few other trans teenagers.

[00:23:13] [SPEAKER_01]: It broke my heart and solidified my decision.

[00:23:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I tried to have one more counselling session

[00:23:18] [SPEAKER_01]: to really get through to him,

[00:23:20] [SPEAKER_01]: but he defended his actions as

[00:23:22] [SPEAKER_01]: just the internet and not a big deal still.

[00:23:26] [SPEAKER_01]: As of February, I filed for divorce.

[00:23:28] [SPEAKER_01]: It broke my heart

[00:23:29] [SPEAKER_01]: and I wish there had been another way.

[00:23:32] [SPEAKER_01]: But that's the end of this story.

[00:23:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I can't be in a marriage

[00:23:34] [SPEAKER_01]: with someone who is just so cruel to children.

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I just can't.

[00:23:40] [SPEAKER_01]: My daughter and I are moving

[00:23:41] [SPEAKER_01]: to a smaller house closer to my family.

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_01]: She'll be raised around many,

[00:23:45] [SPEAKER_01]: many people who love her already.

[00:23:49] [SPEAKER_01]: That is a sick, sick person.

[00:23:53] [SPEAKER_01]: No, lost for words on that kind of attitude

[00:23:57] [SPEAKER_01]: that it's just the internet

[00:23:58] [SPEAKER_01]: and not considering the people behind it.

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_01]: It's just, it's so crazy.

[00:24:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely fucked that guy.

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm glad that Opie and her daughter

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_01]: did take themselves away from that situation.

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I would have been interested to know

[00:24:12] [SPEAKER_01]: how his friend knew about it.

[00:24:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Is he like bragging to his friends

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_01]: about what he's doing online at the same time?

[00:24:18] [SPEAKER_01]: And the damage, you know, words can do over the internet

[00:24:21] [SPEAKER_01]: can be absolutely catastrophic.

[00:24:24] [SPEAKER_01]: And it's really strange how they can affect you.

[00:24:27] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I get quite a lot of comments on YouTube

[00:24:29] [SPEAKER_01]: and socials and various emails daily.

[00:24:32] [SPEAKER_01]: And probably about 99% of them are absolutely lovely.

[00:24:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Awesome comments involved in the stories.

[00:24:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Some educating me, which I'm absolutely, you know,

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I love that sort of stuff.

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I love being told, you know, where I'm going wrong

[00:24:45] [SPEAKER_01]: or another side that I might not be seeing.

[00:24:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not perfect.

[00:24:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just another human like you sat behind the microphone

[00:24:51] [SPEAKER_01]: trying to give what my thought process

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_01]: while I'm reading the story.

[00:24:55] [SPEAKER_01]: And absolutely, I've had bad takes.

[00:24:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I've had people call me out for it.

[00:24:58] [SPEAKER_01]: And I enjoy that kind of stuff.

[00:25:00] [SPEAKER_01]: But if I ever do have a bad take,

[00:25:02] [SPEAKER_01]: that 1% will come out and you know,

[00:25:05] [SPEAKER_01]: you can always tell it's like a troll account or whatever.

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes they will say some like real,

[00:25:10] [SPEAKER_01]: some of the stuff has been said before

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_01]: probably a couple of years back

[00:25:13] [SPEAKER_01]: like when my dad was still with us,

[00:25:15] [SPEAKER_01]: but he was going through, you know, his stuff.

[00:25:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I was getting emails and emails about my dad

[00:25:19] [SPEAKER_01]: and you know, what they hoped would happen to him

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_01]: and in a negative way, I'm not gonna repeat it here.

[00:25:24] [SPEAKER_01]: But generally that sort of stuff doesn't bother me.

[00:25:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm kind of like a bit hardened to it now.

[00:25:29] [SPEAKER_01]: But if it catches me just at the right time

[00:25:31] [SPEAKER_01]: when something's happened, you know,

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_01]: it just goes through your mind all day,

[00:25:35] [SPEAKER_01]: which I know it shouldn't.

[00:25:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I know what they're trying to achieve

[00:25:38] [SPEAKER_01]: and they're winning if they get that reaction from me.

[00:25:41] [SPEAKER_01]: But you know, we're all human.

[00:25:42] [SPEAKER_01]: We're all dealing with very complex emotions.

[00:25:44] [SPEAKER_01]: And you catch someone at the wrong moment

[00:25:46] [SPEAKER_01]: like this guy could be doing.

[00:25:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And as I said, things could be catastrophic for someone.

[00:25:52] [SPEAKER_01]: But I know I don't need to tell 99% of you guys that.

[00:25:55] [SPEAKER_01]: But for anyone else, just remember that.

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, now I'm gonna turn this story to you guys.

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_01]: What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:26:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:26:07] [SPEAKER_01]: And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_01]: for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Your love, your support, your time

[00:26:12] [SPEAKER_01]: always means the absolute world to me.

[00:26:14] [SPEAKER_01]: So thank you so, so much for being involved truly.

[00:26:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:26:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Take care and much love.