My Girlfriend Says I'm Trying To CONTROL Her Freedom Of Speech r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now today's first story comes from TrickyCut368 from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit. And it says, Am I The Arsehole for controlling my girlfriend's freedom of speech? Basically what I was accused of. My girlfriend Rachel, 30 female and I, 30 male, have been together for five years with a strong relationship. However, yesterday I accidentally overheard Rachel and her best friend Emily discussing my best friend Nick's 32 male appearance.

[00:00:48] The conversation was predominantly Rachel describing Nick as ridiculously hot and charming. Emily asked Rachel why she chose me over Nick. And Rachel replied, laughing, as if Nick would have chosen me. I felt hurt, disrespected and angry. At worst it sounded like Rachel wants to sleep with Nick. At best she's being disrespectful to our relationship and me. When I confronted her later in private, Rachel apologized but dismissed the conversation as,

[00:01:18] Girl talk, girl talk. I wasn't meant to hear. She claimed I'm overreacting and should focus on our relationship. We argued, I expressed my concerns and said, it's okay to have a crush, but to have a crush on my best friend, who we hang out with on an almost daily basis, and then let her friend undermine our relationship is wrong on so many levels. Rachel accused me of being overly dramatic, controlling her speech, lacking trust.

[00:01:45] This happened yesterday. We haven't fought since, but there is unresolved tension between us. Am I the asshole?

[00:02:15] Slightly Grum says, she has freedom of speech. So do you. You can reply with her honestly. Inevitable Train says, freedom of speech is freedom from legal prosecution and governmental retaliation, not freedom from public judgment nor non-legal consequences for one's actions. Now use your freedom of speech to say, fuck you, bye to her. Not the asshole.

[00:02:37] Loopy says, not the asshole. Well, you were clearly the second option. The consolation prize, as it were. What you do with that information is up to you. I'd be rethinking the relationship and if I stayed in it, probably not hang out with Nick as much with a girlfriend there. Also, she knows she screwed up saying it where you could overhear it. And that's why she's pissed about you trying to control her speech or whatever. You aren't. She's just trying to gaslight you into feeling bad about saying something about it.

[00:03:04] So, Opie did update the post and says, I don't know how many people will be interested in this, but here goes. I'm trying to process everything that's happened since I last posted. I ended things with Rachel and it's been a tough few days. After I confronted her about what I overheard, she completely shut down. Every time I brought it up, she dismissed my concerns, telling me I was overreacting and being too sensitive. She made me feel like I was the one with the problem, not her.

[00:03:33] It was gaslighting at its finest. I talked to Nick about what happened. Even he was weirded out by Rachel's behavior. Said she crossed a major boundary and admitted her actions gave him the ick. Hearing that from him made me realize I wasn't overreacting. Rachel's constant dismissal and refusal to acknowledge the hurt she caused finally made me realize I deserved better. I ended our five-year relationship.

[00:03:58] Now Rachel's telling our friends that I broke up with her over-harmless girl talk. It's infuriating because it's not the truth. But what really got me was when Rachel texted Nick just a few days after we broke up, asking him to go for a movie. Nick told her to never contact him again and blocked her number. I'm still hurting, but I know I made the right decision. Being single is better than being with someone who doesn't respect me. That's about it. What a lad Nick is. He's got your back.

[00:04:28] I like that guy. And you know, as always, I'm not saying that OP should do this, but Petty Me would want to respond to what she's spreading around. If it's online, you know, if it's on social media, would want to get the truth out there. Maybe even share that message that Nick's got. I'm sure he'd back you up there. But, you know, that also brings extra drama into your life. And I'm sure you just don't want that shit right now. Go and chill with Nick. Have a couple of beverages. Sounds good to me. A commenter says, You're not the asshole.

[00:04:57] If Nick is telling the truth and he didn't bang her, he's a real one. Buy that man a freaking beer and invite him over. Maybe smoke a little and watch a movie. Make her jealous. OP says he didn't bang her. He's been with his girlfriend since high school. And he's not someone who's going to cheat. Mental says, Honestly, the fact he's in a committed relationship makes me flat out angry and disgusted by your ex. You said you guys hung out often. So she had to know about his girl. And she still tried to weasel in like that. Ick is an understatement.

[00:05:27] The trash has been taken out. OP says, She knew her. We've hung out together as a group. The fact that she made it seem like she was best friends with Nick's girlfriend or lusting after him the entire time is creepy and weird. Mendo replies that's in the audacity for her to seriously reach out to Nick right after you guys broke up. Nick sounds like a ride or die homie. OP says, He is. Unusual potato says, Not only is she audacious,

[00:05:53] She's also an unsuccessful budding homewrecker given that Nick has a long-term girlfriend. Rachel is an immoral weirdo. And like many of the commenters says, The trash has taken itself out. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from OKEMU4012 and says,

[00:06:19] Am I the arsehole here for breaking up with and kicking my girlfriend out because she went to an after party without me? I, 24 male, and my girlfriend, 23 female, Anne, began dating in college. Last week, Anne invited me to her co-workers Joe's party. I heard a lot about him in the past and he and she really seem to have a lot in common. Especially with their taste in music. Apparently, he was an amateur musician with a fairly successful YouTube channel.

[00:06:47] Joe initially invited only Anne, but when she asked him if I could tag along, he said it was fine. The party was on Saturday evening. It was a fun party with about 30 people, held at a restaurant Joe had rented out. Towards the end though, I wandered into Anne's little discussion group. And I immediately got the feeling that nobody really wanted me there. Most of all, Anne. It was her, Joe, and a few other people.

[00:07:12] Thinking that I was just imagining things, I hung around and listened to Joe basically boast about himself the whole time. A little while later, I wandered off to get myself a drink and chat with a few other people. Eventually, the time to leave came around and I went to find Anne again. Joe approached me at that point and said that he was having an after party over at his house. I was going to refuse, but then he said, Sorry man, but only Anne is invited. While clapping me on the shoulder.

[00:07:41] I first told him not to touch me. And then he... And then said, She's not going. He informed me that she had already accepted the invitation. I text Anne immediately to ask where she was going. She responded, Sorry, on the way to Joe's place. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you. I asked if she knew I wasn't invited. And then she left me on read. Texts after that were all ignored. I drove home furious.

[00:08:08] I stayed up all night and finally Anne walked in the door at 5.42am. I know because I was by the window watching. I recognized the car as Joe's and the driver as Joe. Nobody else was in the car. Anne waved to him cutely and laughed at something he said. Anne came inside and acted surprised to see me still up. At that point, I flatly told her that we were done and that she has the rest of the day to move out. Anne was at first confused with me and then I told her she can just move in with Joe.

[00:08:36] She rolled her eyes and said nothing happened. She gave me this spiel about my insecurities and imagination. I said it didn't matter. After this back and forward arguing, Anne finally relented and sarcastically thanked me for wasting the best years of her life. Anne finally moved out yesterday and it was pretty dramatic. She said that she loved me and that I was throwing away everything over a party. Did I do her wrong here? I feel like I'm getting gaslighted. Let's face it,

[00:09:05] she's the one who just threw away the best years of her life. She invited you to this initial party then left you there. When Joe came up to you and tapped you on the shoulder and said, sorry, only Anne is invited. Anne knew exactly what was going on because she didn't go, oh, where's my boyfriend? And then when you asked her if she knew that you wasn't invited, she left you on Reddit. Come on. She's taking the piss. Even if she, you know, she didn't do anything,

[00:09:33] she still totally disrespected you. Commenter says she left you at a party she invited you to. Went to another party without communicating with you and then ghosted you when you messaged her. I'm sorry, but she doesn't care or respect you. At least you know you're no priority and a colleague seemed to be more important. I'd never leave my partner I came with to a party, stranded at the party and then gaslit him for being angry. Seems you're her safety person, the one who should wait for her and take care of her and that's it. Not the asshole.

[00:10:03] Another commenter says, I wouldn't do this to a regular friend neither, let alone a partner with whom you're supposed to ride or die. Fun Sprinkles says 100%. This is a crap way to treat a friend. Your partner? Seems the I love you's as shallow. Deathknot Voldemort says, from her comment that she wasted the best years of her life, she is either naive or manipulative. Life does not just go downhill from 23. Pops McGee says, in her case, it actually might. She threw away her home and relationship

[00:10:33] to fuck a YouTuber with a guitar. Not even a rich one, since they worked together. The Aparsnip says, even if she didn't sleep with him, she left you at a party without saying goodbye and went to a party she knew you weren't invited to. Doesn't respond to your texts, doesn't tell you what's going on and then tries to downplay your valid feelings. She has no respect for you. You absolutely made the right decision. You deserve better than that. Ornary Leia says, yes, this is not an action from someone that loves you.

[00:11:02] You're worth more, bro. So, OP came in with their update and says, about two weeks ago, I came here for moral guidance after breaking up with and kicking my girlfriend out for going to an after party with a male co-worker who outwardly stated that I was not invited. Just about everyone in the post was convinced that Anne had cheated on me with Joe. The moment she left, I felt as if I lost interest in her, Joe, and both of their lives forever. But a couple of days later,

[00:11:32] morbid curiosity got the best of me and I decided to find his Instagram through Anne's. I don't know if I was looking for closure or validation for refusing to even discuss the issue with Anne. But I found both. First, a few hours after Joe drove Anne back to my place, he made an Instagram post about potentially doing a cover for Scotty Doesn't Know by Lustre. The comments were full of people saying he was going to hell with laughing crying emojis and the shushing emoji.

[00:12:01] I recognized some of the commenters as people who had attended the party. At first, I didn't know what it was about. But after looking at the lyrics, it became clear. Here's the first line of the song. That Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday. So yeah, class act he is. Catchy song though. But, it gets better. I know this wasn't healthy, but I kind of kept up with Anne and Joe's social media. They went full mask off. Another few days later,

[00:12:30] Joe posted a picture of Anne sitting on his lap. I could tell that based on the sofa he was sitting on, this was not even taken at the after party, but at the party that I went to. I must have been talking to someone else or in the bathroom when it was taken. I will say that I was severely depressed and on a certain level, probably still am. It wasn't even really about Anne, but that literally nobody from the party was willing to give me a heads up. Anne and I were publicly dating. We showed up together. People knew I was her boyfriend.

[00:13:00] But I guess when my back was turned, they were laughing at me. The only thing that doesn't make sense to me at this point is why she even wanted to keep me around as a partner. When I kicked her out, she was legitimately upset. Was this a pride issue where she wanted to be the one to dump me? Was it a thrill of screwing around with a co-worker behind my back? Or was this some logic that the only human equivalent of a dumpster could understand? I may never know. It doesn't matter anymore. I want to thank everyone

[00:13:29] who responded to the last post. And I really want to give a special thanks to those who posted or DMed me with similar experiences. Without exaggeration, I don't know what I'd be doing right now if it weren't for your comments. I was kind of like you in this, just wondering what her end game was. How long was this going to go on for? How long was Joe just going to sit in the background messing around like that? He sounds like a proper dickhead. But in the end, OPE, it doesn't matter. I wouldn't stress about them anymore. You know,

[00:13:58] as they always say, the best form of revenge is to go on and live your best life. Their relationship is likely to fuck up at some point because they both got low morals. And I find it madness that someone with a YouTube channel is actively goading people on social media. Dangerous game. Angus says, I'd bet 20 bucks that in the near future, the relationship between Joe and Anne will crash and burn. Either Joe gets bored and dumps her or the other way around. Too Much says, she will cheat on him too.

[00:14:28] Natural Mountain says, he will cheat on her. For her, this is all something that has stroked in her ego. For him, she's just another conquest to make himself feel in control. North Sand says, if that dick comes at you to make fun of you, brag, or for whatever reason, just tell him congratulations on winning your perceived competition. Enjoy your prize of a cheating woman and enjoy your leftovers as crumbs are the only thing he'll be able to get. While it's an asshole thing to say, this is in fact the reality of the situation

[00:14:58] and they drag both him and your ex back down to earth and show that their actions has no effect on you. He's setting off for making you a cuck as hinted by the song he wishes to cover. I won't be surprised if he switches Scotty's name with yours or dedicates it to you. Doing this will take away his perceived power over you. JM says, one of my old friends was in a situation like this and unfortunately bumped into the other guy. Cocky little shit said something like, sorry about that, win some,

[00:15:28] lose some. My friend looked straight to him and said this, I lost a cheating girlfriend. You want a girl that you know is able to cheat and lie to your face. Oh, and tell her to stop emailing me saying that she is sorry and that she thinks of me often. I don't want to block her, but I will. Turned his back to the guy and left. Hoo hoo hoo. My friend was visibly upset as he walked away, so I don't know where he mustered the karma he had displayed. Though I did laugh out loud when I asked about the emails and he said it was a lie.

[00:15:58] Just wanted to mess with the guy. The other couple lasted three months. Playing those old mind games. Holy shit. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's have another story. Now, our next story comes from AdventurousBag3723 and says, am I the arsehole for asking my boyfriend to quit his sport?

[00:16:28] I, 23 female, have been with my boyfriend 28 male for about two years. He has played rugby for the entirety of our relationship and has started about a year before we met. Rugby is the third person in our relationship, so I asked him to stop playing. Was I wrong? Every Saturday is rugby day where he wakes up, watches a game, plays a game with his team and then watches another game after. Usually followed by highlight reels on YouTube until he goes to bed.

[00:16:58] He has a two hour practice every Tuesday and Thursday. He coaches a high school team. The assistant coaches a college team. After every game, practice, scrimmage, etc., he comes home with some sort of injury and just in general debilitated by pain. Covered in bruises and cuts. He's been to the hospital for a separated shoulder, a split open lip that went all the way through his muscle and fat and the most recent was he got a bunch of turf beads in his eyelid and was almost blinded. Not exaggerating,

[00:17:27] buy it. He will take off work for games and practices. He will cancel dates for games and practices. He will miss important events for games and practices. My family home caught on fire. We had a fundraiser. He tried to skip it for a game. The game got cancelled, so that's why he showed up. We were out to my birthday dinner and he asked if we could rush so they could make it to his practice after. We can't go out and do anything on a rugby day. We can't have sex on a rugby day. He can't function on a rugby day

[00:17:56] and his excuse is it's tough on rugby days. Well, his Saturday is rugby day has turned into every day is a rugby day. He gets stressed out financially because where we live is extremely expensive but he has money for new cleats, new studs for his cleats when they break off, tape for his joints for games, team memorabilia. Basically, he has money for rugby like an addict has money for his fix. I want to say I'm glad he has something he enjoys. I'm glad he coaches and that his students

[00:18:26] look up to him and that it makes him feel good about himself. We've both met some incredible people through the rugby community. But the phone calls at 1am that he's in hospital due to an injury, getting yelled at because he's broke, having to cater to him whenever he plays because he's sore, consoling him when he's bawling his eyes out because he lost a starting position and having to eat, sleep and breathe rugby because he does, it was too much. He was freaked when I asked him to leave, told me I don't appreciate the things he cares about,

[00:18:55] said I should be thankful he has rugby or else he would be dead, that he has nothing else. I feel horrible. Am I the arsehole? Okay Position says, no one's an arsehole here, you're simply incompatible. You asking didn't hurt anyone, even if asking for a compromise may have been a better look. But obviously, this is his passion. So, you're no more an arsehole for asking him to stop than you would be if you asked him to grow an extra arm. Sorry, this is his passion. It's okay to love him

[00:19:24] but not love life with him. You deserve to find someone more compatible and he deserves to keep following his passion. Ho Adams says, everyone sucks here. You know, there is a middle ground between being a complete rugby addict and completely quitting rugby. So yeah, his behavior isn't okay. Especially shit like not skipping a practice for your birthday. But your solution of him quitting entirely is also not okay. See if a compromise can be reached where not every day is rugby day. Although to be honest, this dude does sound a bit insane

[00:19:54] so it may not work out. But clearly, he isn't going to quit entirely. So if you want to save the relationship, you need to try for a compromise solution. Another commenter says, what's the question behind the question? I think it's really, should I stay in this relationship? I think the answer is no. For me, this would be a deal breaker. His partner will always come second to rugby. It seems like he has it all backwards. He's in a serious relationship with rugby while you're just a hobby. Added my judgment, not the arsehole.

[00:20:24] He mandalore says, what I'm reading is that he's deeply and truly passionate about rugby. I don't know how to rule on this exactly. On the one hand, if you're asking and not demanding, there's merit to that. On the other, it's obviously important to him. Similarly, if you're concerned with his well-being, I fully get that. And in the same breath, you also sound like you're a bit jealous that rugby is so important to him. I love animals. I've worked with some potentially dangerous dogs. Think rescued fighting dogs. I've never been hurt, but it's not impossible.

[00:20:54] If someone asked me to give it up, I'd be absolutely crushed and honestly, probably more keen to give them up than my passion. Opie says, it's not so much jealousy, just he will straight up neglect the relationship, not just with me, but everyone else important to him for the sport. And then these people come to me questioning why he won't show up for them. He puts his health and employment at risk for the sport constantly. I've ridden horses my entire life. I love horses. I love the atmosphere of the barn. He never came to the barn

[00:21:24] or helped me out. Never offered to come to shows. And when I asked, he would say no. But I'm expected to be at his games for both his team and the team he coaches. Come along to the team drink ups and fundraisers, et cetera. It's more so a double standard. Opie gave her like a mini update and said, are people not seeing where I asked him to stop playing? He can coach, mentor, watch, et cetera. That is okay. It's the overwhelming amount of injuries, money spent, and then screaming at me that I'm the reason

[00:21:54] he's broke that made me ask him to stop playing. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Is there a compromise to be made here? Is there not? Would you leave? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time, always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being involved. Truly,

[00:22:23] it is absolutely amazing. And I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.