My Girlfriend Of 4 Months Is ANGRY I Purchased A House Without Consulting Her r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from SwimmingAge2944 from the AmITheArsealHere subreddit and it says,

[00:00:28] AmITheArsealForBuyingAHouseWithoutConsultingMyGirlfriendOf4Months. I, 37 male, am a single dad to two kids, 16 male and 14 male. I met my girlfriend, 32 female back in February. We dated casually and non-exclusively until September and then began dating exclusively. My girlfriend has indicated that she wants to have kids. She has no kids currently and I'm definitely open to that.

[00:00:51] But, have told her only after dating at least a couple of years. I have been looking to buy a new home. I absolutely hate living where I'm living. I bought it when my kids were little and it was convenient then. But my work is 30 minutes away and the boys school is 45 minutes away. A house came on the market in a neighborhood 5 minutes from work and 10-15 minutes from the boys school and was listed well below market value. My realtor called me and I saw it the same day.

[00:01:20] And made an offer. The offer was accepted. I told my girlfriend the good news. She was less than thrilled. She asked why I did not consult her. I've been looking for about a year and the reality is houses go quickly. Often, not even on the market for a day if reasonably priced. I had to move quickly. I explained all this but she is still upset.

[00:01:44] I talked to my sister 34 female about this. She says she gets her frustration. My sister said that she was in the same position two years ago. She was a single woman in her early 30s looking to get married and have kids soon. In that two years, she met her husband, got married and had a kid. So from her perspective, my girlfriend is thinking that this is the home her kids are potentially going to be raised in.

[00:02:08] I can see that. But I feel that this is a little premature to expect I will consult my girlfriend for four months before buying a home. That is moving a little too fast in my perspective. Am I the arsehole? The first woman said, not the arsehole. You've only been exclusive since September. Sure, she might be imagining her life with you but doesn't mean she has a say in your housing now.

[00:02:33] Abby Aurora says true. As a single dad, your primary responsibility is to your children. You have the right to make choices that prioritize your and your kids' well-being. Kawari says, the issue here being the girlfriend is on a speed track to marriaging kids in a few years, like the sister who did it in two. So these four months are probably about a year for her. But Opie said he may end up having kids in a couple of years. To me, it sounds like he's on a slow track where three years down the road, they talk about having a kid.

[00:03:02] Opie, I think you and your girlfriend are going at different speeds and need to have a sit-down conversation about what you want and when. JJ says, not the arsehole. It's too soon in the relationship for her to force an opinion on a house you bought with your money, regardless of her biological clock. And I'm kind of feeling that comment about the different speeds and where they're going in life, etc. And a conversation is definitely needed to see what their futures look like if there is a future.

[00:03:31] But at the same time, if I was putting myself in the girlfriend's shoes and saying my partner bought a house after four months of being together, there's no way I'd have an expectation to be consulted. I find that a bit wild. But a month later, Opie comes in with an update and said, I posted a month ago and really hadn't had a chance to stop and have a heart-to-heart conversation with my girlfriend. I've been dealing with the holidays and all that comes with that, with two kids, family commitments, kids being out of school, travel, etc.

[00:04:00] Going through everything to close on the house, getting my house in shape to put on the market. Then my oldest got sick, my youngest got sick, and then I got sick. We finally were able to basically set aside a day on Sunday for just the two of us to really go into depth. First, she apologized for how she handled the news of the house. She agrees that she was being too hasty. But then she explained why she is this way. For three years, she's been looking for a guy who is

[00:04:40] She has said finding a guy who meets those criteria and is willing to commit to a woman in her late 20s slash early 30s as compared to a woman in her early mid-20s is like finding a damn unicorn. She says she feels in uncharted territory and does not know how to respond appropriately. But she wants us to move at whatever pace I feel comfortable. She recognizes I need to prioritize the boys above all else, including potential future kids with her. Second, I showed her the house and she seems to love it.

[00:05:10] She said it reminded her of her grandparents' house. She showed me some photos from before her grandparents sold their house and there are some similarities. Third, we're still dating but moving at my pace. I'm keeping my eyes wide open here. The top two comments on this one says, the first one says, It is good that she can recognize and articulate why she reacted that way and that she was wrong. Also good that your eyes remain open. Miami says glad she recognizes how hard she was tripping.

[00:05:40] I'm not really sure how the update made me feel. I wanted to say, you know, communication wins the day. But the way the post reads, etc. I know it's incredibly hard to judge a relationship based on a text format post, right? It just felt like the relationship is very flat. It's very, you know, especially with the criteria list. The six point list of being her unicorn, if you like.

[00:06:02] Like, I'm not sure how I would feel if I was told that because although it's a good thing because surely you're her perfect person by being this. The bar isn't that high in that list, is it really? And in my head, imagining her stood there with a checkboard going, yep, yep, yep, yep. That I do. Just doesn't feel good to me. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:06:28] Now, our next story comes from a throwaway account from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit. And it says, Am I the Arsehole for wanting to name my son after a Star Trek character? I, 33 female, am seven months pregnant with our son, who doesn't have a name yet. I also like Star Trek, especially DS9, which I've started rewatching recently. If you're familiar with the series, you will certainly remember Dr. Julian Bashir.

[00:06:55] I always thought Julian is a pretty name, but I'd forgotten about it before my rewatch. So when I heard it again, I text my husband asking his opinion about the name. He loved it. So for a while, we both wanted to name our son Julian. I didn't tell him where I got the name. We've been doing that since I found out I was pregnant. Texting each other names we've heard somewhere or read or something. And we didn't always specify where we heard it. None of the names was something we both liked until Julian.

[00:07:23] Yesterday, I was watching DS9 again while my husband was home. He happened to pass by when the name Julian was said on screen. He stopped and asked me if this is where I got the name. I said yes. He said we can't name our son Julian. I asked why. He said he loved it. He said it's weird to name a real child after a character. And we'll be arseholes if we do that to our son. I said that I just liked the name. As he did until now. And the fact that it's a Star Trek character name is just a bonus.

[00:07:54] He says people will laugh or make fun of our son if they find out. I said no one is entitled to know the backstory of his name. It's a name we like and that's it. He said that's not something people do. So I suggested to come here and see what people think. Am I the arsehole for wanting to name our son Julian? Or is he for rejecting it just because a character shares it? It's a real name. Not like I want to name him Spock or God forbid Ducat?

[00:08:24] Firstly you Trekkies out there I apologize if I got any of those names wrong. I would say not the arsehole on this one. As long as you're going to have a conversation and work through it together. And you know because you both need to decide on the child's name in the end. I think that's the only way forward. But to me Julian is just a normal name. I'm trying to think of names that I do associate with TV characters like that. Because I can't really think of many that jump out in my head.

[00:08:50] Like you said if you went with something like Spock, Klingon or Commander Worf. I've got a funny story about that in a second. Then it's more understandable because they are like specific to Star Trek. And him saying we'd be arseholes for doing that to our son. Like almost insinuating they should get picked on for that name. Julian's a normal name. I think I've known a couple of Julians in my life. But obviously a conversation is needed. I'll tell you about the Worf story at the end of this one. Faser Laser says no one's an arsehole here.

[00:09:19] The name is pretty normal. Like you said it's not as if you were saying he should be named Spock. At the same time I'm a firm believer that parents should both have input slash veto power on names. So I wouldn't necessarily say your husband is an arsehole either. Try to convince your husband or find another name you both like. Opie says oh I won't insist on the name if he absolutely hates it. One of his main arguments was that unbiased people would back him up on this. So I wanted to test his theory.

[00:09:48] He readily admits if he's wrong. So I hope if Reddit backs me up he'll see that it's not weird. Another user says not the arsehole. For one you should name your child whatever you want regardless of the backstory. As you said it's really no one's business. I've also never heard of anyone's naming being made fun of because of its origin. Secondly it's a common enough name. It isn't like you're naming your child Khaleesi. Game of Thrones or something easily identifiable from a show. It's funny that they mention Khaleesi.

[00:10:18] I was thinking Joffrey. Opie says exactly. It's not like people go around prying on the backstory of names. Especially if it's not a super weird name. I feel bad for poor Khaleesi's though. Garnet Tribal says no one's an arsehole here. My dad wanted to name me Zelda. But really didn't want to name me Zelda because of the legend of Zelda. At least Julian is more normal. Lol. Opie says Zelda is also a pretty name to be honest.

[00:10:45] But I would also hesitate because of how much is connected to the character nowadays. Vickiesd says not the arsehole. If you ruled out every name because it might have been in a movie or TV show. You'll be left with a very short list. Julian is a normal name. I don't think anyone would even ask why you chose it. Since it's not some weird and wonderful name. Opie says that's what I said. I asked if he would rule out James if I offered it after re-watching TOS. Just because it's also a fictional character's name.

[00:11:15] Lannert says not the arsehole. The number of kids named Hermione has skyrocketed after the Harry Potter series became huge. My dad wanted to name me after a Star Trek character as well. My mum said no because it was a name her family wouldn't be able to pronounce. However, that was the only reason she said no. Opie says now I'm curious what your dad wanted to name you. I wouldn't name a child Hermione because now the name is very closely associated with Harry Potter. But fortunately, I can't say the same for Julian.

[00:11:45] Lannert says Tiberius. After Captain James Tiberius Kirk. To be honest, I might have been teased if I was given that name. There was also a Roman emperor by the same name and none of those dudes were particularly nice people. Opie also added some information about the name. They said, It's not that I want to name him Julian after the character. I just happen to like the name. We've agreed not to name him after family members to avoid drama and choose a nice name. If I heard a name I like somewhere else, I'd suggest it.

[00:12:15] But I happen to hear it on the show. I appreciate your opinion though. It offers another perspective. They also said, As I said in the post, We usually don't specify where we get the names when we text each other suggestions. We can hear half a dozen names every day. And if we like them, we share them. Usually without explaining where we heard it. It goes like, Hey, what about name? Or, I heard name today. What do you think? And I also said, I want to name him Julian because I like the name. Not because I like the character.

[00:12:45] Though, I do like the character. I'm not going to hide from my son where I got the name. I'll tell him I heard it on a show and loved it. If he's interested, I'll tell him which show. Still, thanks for your judgment and well wishes. And the husband's thoughts on naming a child after a fictional character. I suggested the name Quark and then showed him which character that was. He didn't think it was as funny as I did. He knows people name their kids after fictional characters. He just thinks it's a disservice to the kid.

[00:13:14] I agreed with him to an extent. I certainly wouldn't name my daughter Khaleesi or even Daenerys. I like Arya and it's similar to real names. But as you said, Julian exists outside of Star Trek. So, sometime later, OP came in with their update and said, Okay, I didn't expect to get so much engagement on this post. Thanks everyone who shared their judgment and their stories. I'm sorry I can't respond to everyone, but I will read all. Now, to the update.

[00:13:41] I showed this post to my husband and he read the comments. He's still reading and laughing sometimes, but he's already admitted that he was stressing over it too much and building up unlikely scenarios in his head. As I suspected, he's just very nervous about becoming a dad and wants everything to be perfect. He also asked to add that he's not a stubborn, no fun allowed person as he comes off in this post, which I can confirm. Anyway, Julian is back in the game.

[00:14:07] If the game was darts, he'd definitely win, but we'll still look around for other names we like. Thanks Reddit. Ah, that's a nice little ending to that post and you know, being nervous about becoming a dad and mum of course. Yeah, you do want everything to be perfect and I guess things build up in your head and you start getting worried. So, I'm glad that they had a conversation where they were able to work things out. Anyway, as I was talking about halfway through this story, I was talking about Worf, Commander Worf from Star Trek. I'm not a big Trekkie myself. Haven't really watched much of it, I'm afraid to say.

[00:14:37] Don't shoot me. But there was a really funny comment sometime back, probably about a year or so back now. It really tickled me. I posted my video as usual and there was a comment on there about my intro where I say, Hey, hey, what's up Waffle Gang? And the person was like, what's Worf Gang? Like we've created a community based around the Star Trek character, Commander Worf. And the person, you know who you are, love you to bits, had already been with us for some months.

[00:15:05] So, they thought all this time is all to do with Commander Worf. I still wake up during the night sometimes and laugh about that. I'm easily tickled. But what do you guys make of that situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from one entrepreneur5686 from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit and says, Am I the Arsehole for declining to fix the errors I made in a blanket.

[00:15:33] I crocheted for someone and taken it back instead. I made a blanket for my sister-in-law, Amanda. I was able to give it to her last weekend. She asked for it in certain colors. I didn't have any other projects on my to-do list, so I was happy to make it for her. I had most of the colors already too, so it worked out. When I gave it to her, she was excited and she started to look it over. I figured it was to see how it was put together, since she doesn't crochet.

[00:16:01] After a little bit, she said that she loved the blanket, but she couldn't help but notice some of the little mistakes I made along the way. I asked her what she meant and she pointed out some things I'd accidentally done one row of striping instead of three for one section. I'd switched the wrong color and threw off a pattern at some point, etc. She handed it back to me and told me that she loves my progress with it and couldn't wait to see the finished project. I told her that it was finished. She looked down at it and said,

[00:16:30] It wasn't done until it was perfect, and I'd made several mistakes that I could easily go back to correct. I was honestly dumbfounded by this. I hate the way perfectionists try to force their quirk onto others. I made this blanket for her for free and had my own free time because I love her. I told her that. She said she knows and she loves me for it, but that she wouldn't be able to use it because she wouldn't be able to focus on anything but the mistakes. I said whatever and took the blanket back and said if she doesn't want it, I'll keep it.

[00:17:00] She looked surprised and said that she does want it. She just wants my best work and not something half-arsed. I told her if she thinks me crocheting a whole fucking blanket and making minimal errors is half-arsing it, I'd rather just keep the blanket. She's so upset with me and told me I was acting ridiculous and that it wouldn't take me long to fix it. If you know anything about crochet, you know that if I made an error on row 36, of a 1,115 row blanket, that's essentially starting over again.

[00:17:29] Anyway, I come to you all, lol. Am I the arsehole? Absolutely not the arsehole in my opinion and you should keep that blanket. One of the things I really do love about handmade items, crochet, drawing, art, whatever it may be, whenever I get gifted something that's handmade, I love every little part of it, even those tiny mistakes because that's made with love and the entitlement that she displayed there is just madness.

[00:17:58] Now let's go buy a blanket from the shop or something, you keep that one or gift it to someone that will truly appreciate it. Owls and Cardinal says, You aren't being ridiculous, she definitely was. Super not the arsehole. What she might be missing is there is no fix and an error like you described in crochet. You either start over or pull out the stitches, back to the point of the error to resume from there. She couldn't be a gracious recipient of a heartfelt, thoughtful homemade gift and that shows you something about her.

[00:18:28] If she requires perfection, that's pretty incompatible with homemade. Not to mention super dismissive and presumptuous of her not to prioritize the hard work and the hours that went into making it. Given that she's a member of your family and you probably don't want a long-term rift, I would hold my ground but try to defuse it. Just explain repeatedly, if necessary, that it's too bad your gift didn't work out but no hard feelings. Do not be forced to start again or to fix the blanket in any way.

[00:18:57] Try not to create drama or judgment over her for it. Believe me, her response to this whole thing stands alone. And don't offer to make her anything in the future. That's for sure. Not the arsehole. Not the arsehole. Not the arsehole. Edit to add, By no hard feelings, I want to clarify I'm focusing primarily on how I suggest OP express her feelings to others in the family for the purpose of peacemaking. My personal take is that sister-in-law's actions stand alone

[00:19:26] and if OP keeps it unemotional and doesn't engage in any back and forth about it, that would be best. I would certainly be offended by sister-in-law's words and behavior though. And there was many comments on the back of that one. Some commenters were saying OP was right, you know, keeping the family balanced, etc. Other people saying absolutely not. You shouldn't be doing that at all. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:19:54] Now just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the story, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. Much love, Wolfgang, and I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.