My Girlfriend Gave Me An Ultimatum On Attending A Trip With A Friend Group r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now today's first story comes from Wallows Echo and it says, My 26 male, girlfriend 26 female, gave me an ultimatum regarding a group trip. I, 26 male, really need an outside perspective on a situation with my girlfriend, 26 female. For starters, my girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Throughout our relationship, things have been mostly good. Our schedules conflict a bit and we've had our issues but we make it work.

[00:00:46] A big issue between us right now is over a good friend, 28 female of mine. For clarity, I'll refer to this friend as Violet. For some context, me and Violet are part of a small friend group. There's two other people in the group. We met while attending a film festival around two years ago now. We were all waiting in line to enter the theatre. The line was long and we all kind of naturally struck conversation and hit it off. We kept in contact afterwards. Everyone in the group, we were all waiting in line to enter the theatre. The line was long and we all kind of naturally struck conversation and hit it off. We kept in contact afterwards. Everyone in the group, we kept in contact with the group.

[00:01:16] The group is mostly long distance, so we can't hang out in person altogether too much. But we talk daily and have weekly group gaming sessions and anime slash movie watchalongs. Violet lives the closest near me, pretty much in the next town over. So we see each other in person the most outside of the group's virtual meetups.

[00:01:34] I do want to mention that I invited my girlfriend to each virtual and in-person meetups and she turned me down every time. I tried including her, but she doesn't want anything to do with it in large part because she doesn't particularly care for our interests. Stuff like anime, manga or gaming is childish to her. The movies we watch are mostly older era films and films that were restored. But she's not into those either.

[00:02:01] This disconnect between us was an issue before I even made this group of friends. It's not like she'll engage in these things to spend time together. Like, I grew up on game nights. I'm not even talking about video games necessarily. I'm talking board games, card games, etc. But she doesn't care for that. She either shuts it down and goes off to do her own thing. Or if she does actually watch something with me or play a game, then she makes it known that it's a chore for her.

[00:02:27] And she belittles whatever it is increasingly throughout. She calls it joking, but it feels more like belittling. It gets to a point where I don't even enjoy whatever we're watching or playing. I'm not particularly a huge fan of reality TV, but I still watch it with her and try genuinely engaging because for me, it's not about the show so much as it's about spending some quality time together. So my friendship with the group has been a nice change of pace and has brought some balance.

[00:02:55] But it's become an ongoing issue in my relationship. Recently, the group has been putting together a trip to this upcoming anime con. The event lasts for a weekend, so the plan was to stay together at an Airbnb and split the cost. My girlfriend is outright against the trip because of Violet. She doesn't like my friendship with her and doesn't really seem to like Violet at all. She has a general annoyance whenever Violet's involved and gets upset whenever I talk or hang out with her.

[00:03:23] We could be having a disagreement about something entirely unrelated and somehow in a circle around to Violet. She also calls Violet a pick-me girl. When the trip was first being put together, I invited my girlfriend. She had no interest in coming and later expressed an issue with me going. She doesn't like that I'd be staying in the same house as Violet during the trip. I offered a compromise of me just booking a hotel and meeting up with everyone, but that wasn't an acceptable option for her either.

[00:03:52] Nothing I propose she's willing to hear me out on. It's all on deaf ears because she knows Violet's going. The trip has become a major point of contention between us. She now says it's proof that I have feelings for Violet because I keep defending her during arguments and because I won't let the trip go. I haven't let the trip go because I would really like to attend the con. And it's rare that everyone in the group schedules link-ups like this. My girlfriend views it as me taking a getaway with Violet.

[00:04:20] She's firm on her position on the trip and has given me an ultimatum. She said I could do whatever I wanted, but know that if I went on the trip, then I'd be choosing Violet over her and that she'd act accordingly. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I'm not saying her feelings are invalid. Her feelings are her feelings, but I feel that she's being unreasonable and that her insecurity about my friendship with Violet is baseless. I feel pulled in two directions and now this ultimatum.

[00:04:48] All I do is compromise in our relationship and it just feels one-sided. I don't know why this one thing would be a deal-breaker. How do I go about addressing this with her now? A top commenter on this one says, So your girlfriend dislikes your friend group, your friend Violet, and thinks your interests are childish. My advice would be to date someone who actually seems to like you. AB says, This is one of those situations that, on its face, I could definitely see both sides. And I could and have had friends in similar situations.

[00:05:18] If this were about the festival only. But it's not. And OP's girlfriend doesn't seem to like him. His hobbies, his free time, anything. I agree with you. And would add that OP and the girlfriend should use the trip, which she 100% should go on, to re-evaluate. I think some time apart reflecting on their many disconnects will bring some things to light. And the answer will be clear. Another commenter says,

[00:06:14] People chime in on threads like these discussing their own boundaries and relationships. That doesn't really matter to OP right now. It's what his and his girlfriend's boundaries and expectations are. This might be an impasse, but dating is for determining compatibility. And if that's the case, on either side, then that's the answer. It seems like there's a lot of resentment in this relationship. And the trip will be a good time to take a breather and assess that.

[00:06:40] Grumpy G says she is jealous because she knows that you have more in common with Violet than her. Normally, I would feel for her. But the way you describe her and also how much effort you put into this to make a compromise shows that she doesn't care. She could come with you and spend the day with something else. She could find something good on this trip. But what she does doesn't leave any space for a compromise. So this time, I would suggest you tell her that exactly. I did offer you so many options, but you will accept any of them.

[00:07:09] If you want to leave, then leave. And that's pretty much how I felt about the situation as well. In normal circumstances, I would feel for her a bit as well. But the way that OP seems to say she talks about him in regards to his hobbies, friends, when he seems to give so many options to her to be involved in this. I was left at the end of it thinking very much compatibility. And especially the way that she's trying to control things with the ultimatum. It sounded pretty much then. That's the nail in the coffin, really.

[00:07:37] And like many of the commenters saying, you don't have to have everything in common to have a relationship. But calling them childish and putting them down? Yeah. But one more comment from Sugary Wet Lips who says, Honestly, it sounds like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's clear that you've tried to make compromises and include your girlfriend in your hobbies. And she's consistently shown disinterest or outright disdain for them. Friendships outside a relationship can be a healthy thing,

[00:08:06] especially when they add balance to your life and make you feel fulfilled in ways your partner may not share. The fact that she's issued an ultimatum over a trip with people who genuinely share your interests is pretty concerning. Ultimatums often don't lead to good outcomes. They just create resentment. It's not unreasonable to want to go to an event with friends, even if one of them happens to be Violet. It sounds like her insecurity is less about what you're doing and more about a lack of trust, which is something you two might need to address directly.

[00:08:36] It might be time for a serious talk where you can express that these hobbies and friends bring you joy, and that it's okay to have things that are separate in a relationship. If she can't respect that, it might be worth considering what you want long-term in a partnership. So OP did come in with her update and said, I, 26 male, wanted to give an update on the situation with my girlfriend, 26 female, and her ultimatum. First off, thank you to everyone who commented and reached out. I really appreciated the feedback.

[00:09:06] It gave me a lot to consider. I didn't get a chance to reply to comments, so I'll address those questions in this update as well. A lot of people asked how my girlfriend and I even got together. We knew of each other back in high school, but we didn't move in the same circles. We actually ended up going to the same college and bumped into each other at a party. So I think that's where our initial connection began. We're in this big college pond, and having a familiar face from back home made adjusting easier.

[00:09:34] We didn't start dating until later though. Things felt more like a mutual respect back then. It was after we got together that it was almost like this overnight, complete intolerance. I was also asked why she considered my friend Violet, 28 female, a pick-me girl. I honestly don't know. The definition, as I know it, doesn't fit Violet in my opinion. When I asked my girlfriend, she only says that a woman knows another woman. She won't elaborate. She never pinpoints specifics.

[00:10:06] My girlfriend was known to have a bit of a mean girl side back in high school, to be honest. We discussed this before we started dating, and she seemed to work through that in college. But now it feels like that side very much shows whenever it comes to my interests, or with anything involving Violet. In regards to the ultimatum, I went back and forth on what I should do, and what I wanted for me individually and for my relationship. I decided to still go on the group trip.

[00:10:31] I do believe compromise is part of a relationship, but this ultimatum isn't that. It's an attempt to bulldoze in order to have control instead of working together. I had to ask myself if I did go along with this ultimatum, then what will it lead to? What stops other ultimatums against my interests or whenever she sees fit? I still wanted to give another shot at working things out. So I had that talk with my girlfriend and let her know of my intentions of going on the trip.

[00:10:59] I told her I understood her feelings and that she does matter to me. But I felt that this ultimatum wasn't healthy going forward for anyone involved. I again invited her to come on the trip, with her either staying with us at the Airbnb, or her and I staying at a hotel. And I thought the trip could be good for us. That was a no-go. There wasn't any compromise she was willing to accept. She was still firm on the ultimatum and said she made her position clear. And if I was still going on the trip, then there was nothing more to discuss.

[00:11:30] She kept repeating on and off that she hoped choosing Violet was worth it. I told her it had nothing to do with Violet and that she was the one making an entire group trip about Violet. The discourse wasn't anything productive. I asked her if she would please reconsider the situation. She said there was nothing to reconsider and that the choice is in my hands. I asked if we could talk again after the con to see how we were feeling. And her exact words were,

[00:11:55] The only conversation I'll be having is with the whores because she won't be in our place anymore when I get back. Ever since then, she's barely said a word to me. And my texts are left unread. So I guess I'm unofficially being given the silent treatment. I don't understand why it has to be this way. We should be able to communicate. I don't feel equally supported, seen or appreciated in this relationship anymore. It's a mess. But a lot of the feedback I received on here and the recent argument has been a wake up call.

[00:12:25] And there has to be some kind of change. I do think the trip would be a nice refresher. And it's my intent to still go. I don't believe I'll be better off not going to be honest. Thank you to everyone again. A top commenter on this one said to OP and quoted OP saying, So I guess I'm unofficially being given the silent treatment. And then said, No, you're being dumped. But that's okay. Efficiency Forsaken says, Before you go, make sure anything valuable that you don't want to lose.

[00:12:54] Birth certificates, passports, important photos. Anything that can't be replaced is not in the house. She sounds like the kind of person who might do some damage while you're away. Take pictures of the whole house to prove it's in a state of good repair. You shouldn't have to make these kind of preparations. But it's better to be prepared than surprised. Have fun at the con. Bippity Boppity Nope says, Put all your valuables in a safe place. Not at the house. Because she is going to trash your shit when you leave.

[00:13:23] And OP should move forward knowing that they're pretty much single now. Which, like that commenter said, that's okay. You exhausted your options trying to get her to be involved in your hobbies. Come along with you. But she just outright refused. But still gave you this ultimatum. And I feel that if OP was to back down there, it would have just got worse in the future. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:13:52] And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from a throwaway account from the Relationship Advice subreddit. And says,

[00:14:32] the actual thanksgiving dinner he told me he wants me to spend thanksgiving with my own family and that sometimes his mom forgets that other people have families the thing is though i don't have a family thanksgiving to go to my mom will be out of the country and my sister will be at my dad's house i'm not welcome there i told my boyfriend this thinking he would say oh i didn't know okay you can come to my family's thanksgiving however he did not say that he just gave me a face

[00:15:02] of sympathy and then continued to watch family feud on the tv i find this strange and i'm trying to understand why he'd want to go solo to the thanksgiving i've had casual dinners with his family and was his plus one for his sister's wedding why would he uninvite me a couple of the top commenters jackie says well to be honest his mom invited you so he can't really uninvite you he also doesn't get

[00:15:27] to tell you who you should be spending any day with it would however be useful to know if he just doesn't want you there but that doesn't make sense if he's fine with you attending the rest of it i'd just be saying since your mom already invited me and i have nowhere else i can go i'll be there let him tell you why he doesn't want you there if that's the case he can put in his own effort to communicate his thoughts instead of making you guess lightness being says all you can ask his mom

[00:15:53] if he won't give you a straight answer with my ex-boyfriend his mom was really good and warned me seriously that he wasn't a straight up guy i didn't listen because he had already told me he was the family scapegoat and his mom didn't respect him but i really wish i did edit he wasn't the family scapegoat he was the black sheep and an opportunistic unfaithful thieving convincing con man he used to joke to his mom every time she was forgetful that it must be pillowed

[00:16:23] time while creeping close to her and miming pushing a pillow over her face the hell i i used to kind of laugh but it gives me the shivers now he regularly tried to convince his parents to build him a house in their grounds so he could look after them in their old age they firmly refused i mean would you say yes he married his affair partner who became disabled and wheelchair bound then she died unexpectedly at

[00:16:49] only 36 where the hell did that comment come from bong water bucket great name says you should probably ask him this instead of us it's hard to say for sure what reasons he may have and when you brought it up it seems to me he may not have been direct enough my partner would respond the same way and instead of getting in my head about it i would directly tell him i don't have anywhere to be so i can still make it to his families and that's as a reason he doesn't want me to leaving him the floor to speak you need

[00:17:19] to ask him bottom line all we can do is speculate here and it isn't going to help you find answers in a healthy relationship this should be easy to navigate just by a conversation good luck to you and i think it's absolutely that isn't it everyone can speculate everyone can come up with their own reasons and i'm sure there's a ton of reasons in the comments but you're not going to get the truth unless you confront this and being with someone that you potentially love and want to spend your

[00:17:45] future with potentially of course you should be able to ask that question and get a straight answer from him but op did update the post shortly after that one and said i took the advice of the lovely reddit users and i talked to him directly i'm now back to being invited to his family's thanksgiving and i will be going his reasoning for uninviting me he didn't want my mum to be upset with him for

[00:18:10] taking me away during a holiday he was imagining that she'll be alone if i went to his family's thanksgiving why he didn't re-invite me the moment i told him while he was watching tv that my mum was going to be out of the country he was surprised and brain farted the end side note i really did not appreciate all the comments saying that he's cheating on me reddit belmont says and once again

[00:18:36] the solution was asking directly that's about 40 of all interpersonal issues i am says huh what's that communication is critical to a healthy relationship so would be bereft of content if folks knew that already slash sarcasm organic says this is reddit we can find cheating under any rock glad it worked out have fun and love friend says you're cheating on me aren't you organic

[00:19:03] organic says no she's just a friend okay we only kissed well it was just one bj you looked in my phone you're horrible for violating my privacy i love only you and there was many other people below the comments and you know they don't think he's cheating but he just didn't want her there and was coming up with some random ass excuse but a lot of people focusing on that other comment as well that just came out of nowhere and was like hinting murder in it as well it's like what the hell's going on there

[00:19:30] but what do you suspect the reasoning behind that was i'm kind of citing that just didn't want her there so it's coming up with some random excuse i don't quite believe that i know people sit there and veg out on tv and they don't focus on the conversation but i think he knew exactly what was going on and was just trying to like i just pretend i'm watching tv she just think i'm not paying attention at all it just kind of felt like that to me but what do you guys make of this one let us

[00:19:57] know your thoughts down in the comments below now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care and much love