My Girlfriend FLIRTED With Other Men On A Night Out And Then Dismissed My Feelings r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider? And a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Defense96 and it says, Am I overreacting after my girlfriend flirted with men and dismissed my feelings?

[00:00:27] I met my girlfriend Tessa back in January. We clicked instantly and have fallen in love with each other. Our relationship is going very well. After months of discussion, she recently moved into my apartment. Tessa is beautiful and gets hit on by men often. Although she enjoys the attention, it rarely bothers me. I like seeing her happy and she deserves the compliments.

[00:00:51] We met some friends at a bar last night. Tessa and I were affectionate and everyone had a good time. At the table next to ours was a group of men around our age. They started conversing with us and I left to use the restroom. I grabbed another drink and returned to our group. This is when I feel that she crossed a line. She chatted with those men and stood by their table. They flirted with her and she flirted back. One of them commented on her body. She teased him and they gave

[00:01:20] each other playful shoves. Our friends looked at me and I was embarrassed. I approached Tessa and wrapped my arms around her. She kissed me and continued talking to him as I held her. His advances stopped and she started slow dancing with me like nothing happened.

[00:01:36] On the drive home, I told her she made me uncomfortable in front of our friends. She claimed she did not know what I was talking about. I asked how would she feel if I flirted with women in front of her. She said she was being friendly and called my jealousy cute. I said she acted more than friendly towards those guys. She told me I need to get used to guys hitting on her. She said I have nothing to worry about because she loves me and I am her forever partner.

[00:02:02] Am I stressing over nothing? I found Tessa's behavior at the bar inappropriate. She slept with other men after we started dating but before we put a title on our relationship, I'm afraid that has made me insecure. I love her very much and do not want to be a controlling partner. This was our first argument in some time. Edits, this post has gotten much more attention than I anticipated. Please allow me to clear some things up.

[00:02:27] Tessa and I dated casually for the first month. During that time, she slept with two guys and I slept with another woman. We became exclusive after five weeks and fell in love during the following months. Last night aside, this has been a wonderful, healthy relationship. We are affectionate all the time, get intimate almost every day, communicate well and she has never dismissed my feelings before.

[00:02:50] We share mutual friends, including two guys who I met in grade school and trust with my life. They have all told me that on the nights she went out with them and I was not present, she talks about me a lot. She always shoots men down who hit on her, telling them she has a boyfriend. When we are out together, she makes it known she has taken. She typically grabs my hand, kisses my cheek or flat out introduces me as her boyfriend the moment a move is made on her. Last night is the exception. I feel like I'm getting old.

[00:03:21] Just in OP's update when they said, you know, Tessa and I dated casually for the first month. During that time, she slept with two guys and I slept with another woman. I'll be like, what? But for me, it feels like she's actively disrespecting your relationship and then after gaslighting you about it, she knew what you meant and when you brought it up and pretended not to know, I mean, come on now.

[00:03:44] And then explain. And when you explain what was the problem, she just dismisses your feelings as cute jealousy, you know, and basically you need to get used to this behavior. But some of the comments on this one, like pondering happiness said a close female friend is very friendly with guys. It could easily be taken as flirty. She has an amazing relationship with her dad and a longtime husband. Her confidence in a marriage makes these interactions harmless from her point of view.

[00:04:11] Gotham Lab says, your future self will look back on this and ask, what was I thinking? You're in a relationship with someone that craves attention and validation. She will never be loyal to you and you will never be enough for her. What's her relationship like with her father? That's all you need to know. Happy Cat says, that happens to me and my boyfriend thinks it's hilarious and he gets a little boost himself from it because I am his and he gets to take me home. Some dude literally grabbed my ass right in front of him and it turned him on.

[00:04:41] Everybody is different, but if you change your mindset, it might help. If she is flirty, then she is flirty. Don't expect her to change. Either you're compatible or you aren't. Remember, never make your insecurity someone else's problem. She obviously made it clear that she is with you. Joe quotes a section and then says, this wasn't guys hitting on her. This was her flirting with another guy in front of you and your friends. She never put an end to it. The other guy did. So how long would she have kept that up if you didn't intervene?

[00:05:11] Hell, all you had to do was go for a drink and piss and she went over and started feeling up another dude. What happened in 20 or 30 minutes? This is an eight month old relationship. She both tells you that you're her forever partner and that you should get used to her flirting with other men in front of you. It hasn't even been a year. You really want to deal with this forever. And there was many backwards and forwards comments on this.

[00:05:35] Some people saying they're like the girlfriend in this and their relationship's absolutely fine and, you know, OP's jealous or insecure. Other people siding with OP and saying that he's being gaslit, etc. But OP came in with an update and said, I received a lot more feedback on my post than expected. I appreciate those of you who gave me genuine good advice. A lot of people formed some strong opinions about my girlfriend and jumped to the conclusion that she's for the streets. I need to dump her. She will cheat on me, etc.

[00:06:03] Those who feel that way will be disappointed by this update. After eight wonderful months of dating, I did not dump Tessa over what happened the other night. Aside from an hour-long stretch, this relationship has been healthy, passionate and overall wonderful. We spend every possible moment together. We communicate well, share regular affection and intimacy and go out of our way to help and do nice things for each other. We don't hide or have passcodes on our phone.

[00:06:30] I am never left wondering where is she or why isn't she answering me? She pretty much texts me non-stop when we aren't together. When Tessa got home from work yesterday, we greeted each other like normal. She began dinner, we talked about her day and I told her I wanted to speak to her about something. Before I said what, she asked me if it was about last night. I said yes and she immediately apologized. She told me she knows she was being too nice with that other guy, that she was drunk and it's no excuse.

[00:06:59] I said that I have no problem with her being herself and having a good time. The bigger issue was her response when I told her it bothered me. She asked me what she said and I told her. She looked pretty mortified, said there was nothing cute about making me jealous and her thought process was that I have no reason to worry about us. I told her it had come across like she didn't respect my feelings. I was surprised to see her actually tear up. She said she loves me, I'm the best thing in her life and she doesn't want to mess up our relationship.

[00:07:28] She apologized again and even offered to quit drinking. I told her that is unnecessary. We agreed to be mindful of each other's boundaries. The rest of the night was pretty normal. We had dinner, took a walk and watched a movie. I noticed her clinging to me a little more than usual. We got intimate before bed and she fell asleep in my arms. This morning she gave me an extra long kiss before we left for work. She'd been texting me throughout the day like always.

[00:07:53] I'll keep an eye out for any strange behavior from her but I don't believe I have reason to be worried. She seemed genuine during our talk and she is not a manipulative person. I guess time will tell if I made the right decision. Anyways, thanks Reddit. Hope my future posts on here are positive ones. And even after the update, the comments were back and forth again. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:08:21] and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Twigs Rain and says husband lent all of our money to his mother. I was in a car accident and the car I primarily drove was totaled. Despite having another car, it's not reliable. A two-door which isn't great for getting two toddlers in and out of a car. My husband primarily drives that car because he works full time. While I go to college online and I'm a stay-at-home mum.

[00:08:50] We planned on buying another car as soon as we had the money. Once we had enough, my husband and I realized that we can't take 7.5k out of an ATM all at once because our account has a $500 limit on ATM withdrawals. So he transferred the money to his mother's bank so she could get the money or a cashier's check out for us. She's a business owner and payday came around and she was short on pay for employees by 7k. So she and my husband decided, without my input,

[00:09:20] to use the 7.5k to cover payroll and that she would pay us back with interest when she gets the money. Well, they didn't tell me and my husband kept declining every car I sent him. I had two conversations with his mum about I don't know why he keeps declining every car I sent him. He's not even justifying his vetoes. I don't think he understands how much my independence has been taken away because I don't have a car. I can't take the kids anywhere they need to go. We have the money.

[00:09:48] I don't understand why we're not seriously inquiring about cars and buying one. Meanwhile, we really didn't have the money and they both knew he was stalling and didn't tell me. The fact that they made the plan together, didn't consult me and then hid it from me for a week really pisses me off. It's now been 15 days and she still hasn't paid us back. He says she's waiting on a bank loan to come through. I feel at this point she's more of his wife than I am. Now, absolutely you have every right to be pissed off

[00:10:18] and he knows it wasn't a good idea because he hid it from you. They both hid it from you. They conspired behind your back to lie about your family finances, deliberately hiding it while you struggled without transportation and the fact that she's having to borrow 7.5k to cover her payroll. You know, it says things about a business which are concerning and worrying for you about not getting that money back.

[00:10:45] And it felt like you were just getting vague excuses about bank loans instead of actually like a concrete repayment plan. But Susie Sunshine says you are underreacting. I'd be talking to a lawyer to write up a demand letter. Give a deadline of 30 days or you take them both to court. Girl, don't buy into this. Bank loans for payroll equals failing business. Now you know your husband is one, a liar. Two, makes excuses to justify his lies. Three, does not respect you or your children.

[00:11:15] Four, will put you and your children on the street. Commenter says, My mouth fell open as I was reading this. I don't know what I would do, but I would be absolutely livid. I'd probably remove his name from my accounts and get a separate account and stop sharing finances with him. Which I guess that would mean I would probably end the relationship. Or at least it would be going that way unless he gained the trust back. That's unfathomable. Moody Scorpio says, So what was her plan for paying her employees

[00:11:43] if your husband hadn't asked to transfer money to her? I'd start contacting her employees and let them know their boss is taking out loans she can't repay to cover payroll. And maybe they should start looking for new jobs before she stops paying them altogether. Embarrassed the shit out of her. Ken says, Not overreacting. There was no reason to get your mother-in-law involved anyways. Could have just got the cashier's check from your bank directly using the funds in the account. A 500 daily withdrawal limit for ATMs is the standard with most banks these days.

[00:12:12] Even getting more than maybe $2,000 if even that high from Metella can often require advance notice due to only banks that routinely deal with large deposits and withdrawals on a daily basis that requires them to keep larger amounts of cash on hand. And I was kind of wondering that as well that you can just go, well, in the UK, obviously I live in, I've always lived in fairly big cities. So maybe it's a bit different to other banks, obviously. But whenever I've got large amounts of cash or needed large amounts of cash, I just go into the bank

[00:12:42] and they just give it me then and there. And you know, like seven grand or whatever wouldn't be too much hassle for them. But again, it'd be interesting if some of you guys know about that sort of stuff. Obviously, it's gonna be different in different places. But sometime later, OP did come in with her update and says, husband said his plan was to have his mom get the money out for us to buy a used car at a small lot. We use an online bank that doesn't offer checks and doesn't have any physical locations in our state. He chatted with the bank support

[00:13:09] and they said that the easiest way to get that much money out would be transferring the money to a different account and pulling it out of a physical location. I saw the message receipt, so he couldn't lie about that. The day after he transferred the money, his mom mentioned that she was 7k short on payroll and he asked if she had any money coming in because she runs an L business and the state and county are constantly late getting checks out to the smaller service providers. He told her he'd lend her the money if she pays it back plus an extra 1.5k.

[00:13:39] She did apply for a loan a while ago and was approved days before this happened. So my husband figured out money would be back in within the business week and that I wouldn't even notice he lent it to her. He only told me a week later because he realized he was not getting the money back as quickly as he thought. He originally thought he would surprise me by saying we can look for cars in the 9k price range now, just days after. He said he realizes that he messed up and should have talked to me about it and if he could take it back, he would.

[00:14:09] Final update, we got all the money back plus interest and bought a car today. Anyone else find that update weird as well? You know, the whole situation is bad. He shouldn't have been lying, etc, etc. But that he's charging her a 1.5k. I mean, we see many horror stories about lending family members money, etc. But I couldn't imagine charging a family member that amount of interest on top of lending something if I was going to do so. I know I just found that a bit strange.

[00:14:40] But regardless of the update and them getting their money back and the interest, etc. I don't think it fixed the underlying issue that your husband thinks it's okay to make secret financial decisions and lied to you as long as things work out in the end. It just didn't make sense to me. But what do you guys make of this situation? What did you find the charging the family member, the interest as well? Weird? Or maybe not? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:15:11] Now, this is another weird one from the Am I Overreacting subreddit. You'll get it from the title, but I'll give you a warning just in case. I'm not sure if it needs it. If you're eating, drinking, whatever, you might want to skip it. It says, Am I overreacting? My partner pees in the pool while standing outside of the pool. My partner, 53 male, pees in our pool like it's a toilet. For example, he will take a break from watching TV or something and walk outside and pee in it and walk back in.

[00:15:40] I was gobsmacked when I saw him do it the first time and told him I thought it was disgusting and asked him not to do it again. He says that the pool is full of chemicals and it gets so diluted in all the thousands of gallons of water and it doesn't make a difference. I understand it's normal for people to pee in the pool when they're swimming. I myself do it occasionally, but to me, standing outside of the pool and peeing into it is different. It's trashy and gross. He continues to do it occasionally

[00:16:08] and I always tell him I think it's gross and it's a turn off and I ask that he stops. A few nights ago, his cousin was visiting for dinner and the cousin went outside to smoke a cigarette. My partner goes out to keep chatting with his cousin and then pees in the pool right in front of him. I was mortified. Is this abnormal behavior? Is this something people do? I'm almost at the point of making it a big deal and inviting an argument, but I hold back because I keep thinking, maybe I'm wrong.

[00:16:38] Nah, that's fucking grim. Surely it's more effort to go outside and pee in a pool than go to the toilet in your house. What's going on? The commenter asked the same thing and said, F right off with this. Is it a joke? Why would he go outside to do that instead of use the toilet in the house? What is his malfunction? That's an awful defense. It's absolutely not normal behavior and it would be pretty major issue for anyone reasonable. And I thought pissing in the sink was bad.

[00:17:07] I've heard people attempt to say, The pipes go all to the same place. Uh, no. I don't lean over and brush my teeth in the toilet. Fuck off with that bullshit. The people I've heard say that are never and will never be invited to my home. You want to behave like an animal? Tell him to go stay outside in the backyard permanently. Trap says, Urine doesn't just get cleaned out of a pool unless all the water is drained, the pool is sterilized, and fresh water added. Gross. People are actually supposed to shower

[00:17:35] before using a pool to ensure they are clean and don't contaminate the water with E. coli and other nasties. I'd never touch the water in that pool again. I have a pool and am super careful about maintaining it. Commenter says, This is one of the strangest, more disturbing things I've ever read here. And that says a lot. This dude is sick in the head. Don't let him convince you it's anywhere near normal. Acrobatic Mess says, Has he always done things like this or is this new?

[00:18:03] If it's new, please get him checked ASAP. If not, this is going to get out and people are going to gossip heavily about you. If he's that nasty, I definitely wouldn't want to associate with either of you. Now that his cousin knows, is he going to spread the word? I can see everyone passing on any event or meal hosted at your home. OP says he started doing it soon after we moved into this place for the pool about two years ago. We never had a backyard pool before that. He's normally a pretty clean and hygienic guy.

[00:18:33] Just for some reason, he sees nothing wrong with this. When he peed in front of his cousin, I immediately thought now, people aren't going to want to come to swim. We usually host a few barbecue get-togethers during the summer and the family swims. That might change now. I was on time once says, there is nothing normal about this. If you're potty trained, you're old enough to know not to pee in the pool while you're swimming in it. And everyone, even small children, knows better than to pee in the pool when you're not in the pool. I feel like this guy is just marking his territory

[00:19:03] like an animal. And one more comment from Working On Myself who says, ew, you married a nasty man. Nothing justifies it. It does not matter if the pool is treated or not. It's simply not a toilet. Things have a purpose. Toilets are to be flushed for a reason. Ask him to save the toilet water, put some chlorine, and then shower with it to see if he would feel like it's not gross. It makes me wonder the other things that he does that you don't know. Ew, ew, ew.

[00:19:34] And lots of people mentioning that she's wazzing in the pool at the same time. OP came in with a brief update and said, thank you for helping me not feel alone in thinking this is disgusting. I also feel somewhat disgusting now, lol. I have some science to back myself up, so I'll definitely be having a conversation with him to stop doing this. I feel that he might be honestly mistaken in thinking that the chlorine makes it okay. And some facts will help. So if you're bringing this thought and image into your lives, please go look at some cute cat videos or something.

[00:20:04] Oh, deary, deary me. Anyway, I think we'll leave it right there. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me and I will see you in the next one. Take care. Much love. Much love.