My Girlfriend CHOSE A School Over Me When I Proposed To Her | r/Relationships

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_01] Now today's first story comes from the true off my chest subreddit from puzzle-headedcod1320 who says, My girlfriend said no when I proposed to her. She didn't choose me. My girlfriend is the love of my life. For reference we are both 23. We've been together for 8 years and we have lived together for 5 years. Last spring we graduated from college. After that my girlfriend wanted to go to a Juilliard school in New York. Pronunciation I do apologize.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_01] I didn't tell her I thought it would be a bad idea to go to the Juilliard because the admission process is so insanely competitive and usually only the wealthy get in. We are not. I never thought she would get in. But she did. She found out in the spring that her audition was successful. She has a partial scholarship to go. She is due to go to New York in 3 weeks. I don't want her to go. She said that I can come with her but I don't want to live in New York.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_01] My family is all here. So are my friends, my entire extended family and my job. My entire life is here and I don't want to live across the country. I don't think a long distance relationship will work. I asked my girlfriend to stay here and to marry me. I bought a ring and took a month to plan the proposal. She said no when I proposed. We've been debating about her leaving ever since she found out that she got into Juilliard. She said I could come to New York with her and find a job there.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_01] I work in HR and she said there is lots of work in my field in New York. I've only been at my company for a year. I can't just leave my job. She said we can get married after she graduates from Juilliard. But when I pressed her, she said she doesn't know if she'd want to move back here after she graduates. Her parents are our only family and they moved to another state five years ago. She said it depends on where she gets a job and there are no jobs in her field in our town. I've lived here my whole life and this is my home.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01] I love her so much and I don't want her to go. She could find another field or career or we have a college in our town. She could go back to our old college and get a different degree and do something else. My parents offered to help us save for a down payment. We are compatible and we have a good relationship. We have similar political views. We share a lot of hobbies. We both agree that we didn't ever want to have kids. We have other similar life goals. The only difference is that she wants to go to Juilliard and I don't want her to go.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_01] I asked if she was really choosing Juilliard over marrying me and having a house and life here. She said yes she was. I'm gutted. I love her and hearing her say that gutted me. That she would rather go to Juilliard than marry me. So I did a brief google about this school and apparently it's like a world class performing arts courses and so this is like a once in a lifetime opportunity for her.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_01] But I have to say in this it just felt like the OP was asking her to choose his life plan over hers basically as this or nothing. And OP was saying that you know they're compatible and they have similar life goals etc. But this just shows that they don't have similar life goals. She's got like huge career ambitions in her field and OP seems to be rooted to their town where they grew up in. That's not a minor thing. And she didn't choose the school over you.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_01] She's choosing to pursue her dreams over abandoning them. That's a massive difference in my opinion. But a commenter said to OP I get you're sad and heartbroken but it is selfish to want her to cut her dreams and aspirations to do what she wants. Just so she can marry you and be a little obedient wife. You can't be serious can you? You even love her if you're not willing to compromise. Sounds like you may not be as compatible as you thought. Frustrated reply saying OP has been all me me me.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_01] Did you notice how none of the things he's been suggesting that even remotely compromises. It's all about how she had to give up her dreams. Get a job here so he doesn't have to move. Telling her that she should stay because all his friends family job is here. Wow what a keeper right? And honestly getting into Juilliard is a huge accomplishment. Even if she got a partial scholarship she got talent and OP knows it. That's why he's so scared to let her go. Because if he does he knows she is not coming back to him.

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_01] And his little security blanket life. Will say anything says I don't blame her. You're extremely selfish. You only propose to her to make her give up on her dreams. A lot of manipulative and controlling men follow that same blueprint. Your entire post is about what you want and how you're unwilling to compromise. What about her? You want her to give up a once in a lifetime opportunity at 23 and change her career. Meanwhile you're unwilling to compromise on anything. I hope she goes to New York and forgets all about you.

[00:05:08] [SPEAKER_01] Special says you're being a selfish arsehole here. She's allowed to pursue her dreams as are you. But it sounds like you're at a totally different places in your lives. You won't compromise and she also doesn't have to. You propose to try and manipulate her into staying. That's an arsehole move. It sounds like it's time for you to break up and go your separate ways. And Wabbit comes in quoting OP saying the only difference is that she wants to go to Juilliard and I don't want her to go. The commenter then says the only difference is that I don't want to leave my city

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_01] and can't consider living anywhere else. The commenter quotes again saying that she would rather go to Juilliard than marry me. Then the commenter says I would rather break up than consider a long distance or moving with her. So it's your home. Your family is there. Your job is there. Her family moved. There won't be any jobs in her chosen field in that place while your profession has demand everywhere. Why couldn't you leave that job after a year? Moving is one of the best reasons to give for a job change.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_01] Why does she have to compromise on everything? Not her family there, a completely different career. Not the place she wants to be. Then quoting OP one more time saying we are compatible. Then says I don't think you are. She will resent you if she stays. Your emotional manipulation proposal aside, she doesn't want that life. She clearly has talent and passion if she made it into fucking Juilliard. And it's totally okay for you to want that life. It's okay to want to stay in your hometown.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_01] It's okay to want to stay in your job. It's okay to not want a long distance relationship. It's okay to want that peaceful married life. But having things in common doesn't make you compatible if the big ideas and hopes about life don't match up. You say you love her yet you're ready to crush the dream of your loved one instead of hyping her on. That's not love. You're not even willing to consider any of the compromises. That's not love. If you loved her, you'd do what's best for her, not you. Even if it hurts.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_01] Read that as not loving her enough. If you indeed love her from your post, you love yourself more. So it was nearly 16 months after that post that OP did come back in to update and said today it is one year and four months since she said no to my proposal which effectively ended our relationship. I never felt that kind of pain before in my life. Before this, I never understood when people said that heartbreak was real and was a physical pain. But now I get it.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_01] I try dipping my toe into dating because people keep saying there are other fish in the sea and that I find someone. But besides the fact that every woman I meet wants kids and I don't, all it does is remind me of the breakup. I found out she has a boyfriend. She doesn't have social media but I saw a picture on Instagram from one of her old friends. The friend was on a work trip and said in the caption that they met up for the first time in years. The friend posted pictures and there was a guy in some of them. They were hand-holding and posing like a couple would.

[00:08:01] [SPEAKER_01] So she's moved on and forgotten all about me. She said no to my proposal even though we were in love. Now she moved away somewhere else and has a new boyfriend and has forgotten all about me. It hurt so much when I saw those pictures. We were together for eight years and then suddenly she was gone and there was a hole in my life. I never would have imagined I would go a year and four months with no contact. She even said she loved me. But she said no when I proposed. I still have the ring I was going to give her.

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_01] She broke my heart like it was nothing. Finding out she has a boyfriend has just brought it all back. I know I should move on but I don't know how to. Mate, sell the ring, lock her on socials and get some therapy because she's moved on because staying stuck wasn't an option for her. And it shouldn't be for you either. You lost someone real. But it's almost like Opie and this is still framing it like she did something to him rather than when really you just wanted incompatible lives.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_01] She didn't break his heart like it was nothing. She made a real difficult choice between those two futures. And yet she chose the one where she was going to pursue her dreams. And how can anyone blame her for that? And in the end he proposed to her to try and trap her into staying. Which is awfully manipulative. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_01] Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Pupella. And just to give you a trigger warning before we do get into it that contains sexism and slurs within the story. Although, you know, I usually just call them slurs anyway. And coming back after the story just to throw in an extra little trigger warning that if you're eating or anything right now, you might not. You might want to skip this one. There's talk of toilet behavior. Nothing extreme, but I know some people love a little warning on that. So just to warn you there.

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_01] But the title of this one is I'm embarrassed by how childish and petty this sounds. Especially compared to other stuff on this subreddit. However, this is my first relationship and I honestly don't know what to think about what just happened. First of all, my boyfriend Greg and I have pretty immature sense of humor. And always have.

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_01] We like to tease each other a lot and commonly partake in body humor. Like we joke about if one of us farted or after a night out at dinner, we drive home and pretend to be in labor and call dibs on the bathroom to deliver our food babies. AKA poop. It sounds so childish typing it out, but we have a lot of fun and are very comfortable with each other. Also, we never had a fight before communicating openly about things, but have never had a real problem to communicate about.

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_01] Tonight, I was at his place to marathon Netflix. Greg got up to go to the bathroom and I asked him if I should pause it. AKA, would he be taking a long time? He answered no, so I figured he was just going to pee. However, 15 minutes later, he still wasn't back from the bathroom. No problem. I got up to make myself a snack. On the way to the kitchen, I walked past the bathroom and heard the sounds of an app that Greg and I commonly play on our phones. I thought this was pretty funny.

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_01] On Facebook, there are sticker sets to use in the chat feature, which are basically like unique emojis. One of the sets feature an anime-looking poop character and his toilet paper friend. No idea why someone made this, but I think it's quite funny and kind of cute. One of the stickers is the poop character sitting on the toilet, looking intently at his phone. So I playfully sent this to Greg. Me? Poop sticker of playing on phone? Hopi then said, You right now. And he just replied, Wow.

[00:11:55] [SPEAKER_01] I laughed to myself and put my phone away, made my snack, and went back to the living room. Greg came out and we continued to watch Netflix. However, I noticed he was being physically distant, not putting his arm around me, not sitting close to me on the couch. However, I gave him his space. He was quiet for about 20 minutes. Then he said, Do you have a friend that you could get to take you home? I literally did not know what he was talking about. I said, What? And he repeated what he'd said. I asked him what was wrong,

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_01] but he wouldn't answer for a while. I asked him if he was upset with me, and he just said, I just can't believe you did that. That was just really upsetting. I said, What are you talking about? You mean the sticker? He said, Obviously. I was stunned. I had no idea why he was so offended or what exactly I'd done wrong, but I immediately apologized. I said, I'm so sorry that I offended you. I had no idea. That was not my intent at all. I was just joking. Could you tell me what about that upset you so I don't do it again in the future?

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_01] Greg flipped out and said I was the arse slur if I couldn't see what I did wrong. He said there was something wrong with me and that I had the mentality of a fucking child. I was really hurt by this and asked if he seriously wanted me to leave. He said yes, and I asked if he was going to drive me home. I'd ridden with him and didn't have my car. He said no, because why would he after what I just did? I was so pissed off that I stormed out of the house. Keep in mind, this was 11pm in a crappy part of town.

[00:13:24] [SPEAKER_01] None of the buses were running and I felt too ashamed to call my friends, so I walked all the way home. Nothing happened, but I'm just so mad he would force me to walk home by himself in a shady area just because of this, and he showed no concern for me whatsoever. So now I'm sitting here, fuming. I'm actually considering ending things over this huge overreaction because he refuses to talk to me and explain what's going on. He keeps saying, you should know. Then he said whatever, I'm going to bed and cut me off. Reddit,

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_01] what is going on? Can you shed light on this? Is this even worth trying to salvage? I find his rage at this and refusal to communicate very immature to the point where I almost don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. Like, if he has sent me out in the colder for this, is he going to leave me on the side of the road next time we disagree on something? I'm so confused. He has never reacted like this or gotten mad at anything before. I just don't think I did anything really bad. However, this is my first relationship,

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_01] so if I'm in the wrong, let me know. Thanks. Now I'm wondering, what is the real reason behind this? It can't be just because the poop sticker because this is their humor that they've established over a period of time by the sounds of it. So it doesn't sound like it'd quite be that. So it's got to be another reason. My first one has come into the usual reason is he just trying to break up and doesn't have like the spine to do it himself. So he's using any old excuse because he's not giving you like a reason. He's just saying you should know basically.

[00:14:53] [SPEAKER_01] Like how the fuck you meant to know? But a commenter says to OP, that's ridiculous. He made you walk home at 11 p.m. because of a poop sticker when you make poop jokes all the time. I mean, even if you didn't make poop jokes all the time, there's no reason to make anybody walk home in a sketchy area at night over. Not to mention calling you a the arse slur. That's quite literally never okay. This is a serious red flag. I'd dump him harder than an actual shit. Oh, dare you me? I'm such a child.

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_01] Commenter says, yeah, the arse slur language was shocking and horrifying. We joke around, but I never call him a name, let alone an arse slur or anything with fucking in front of it. It seemed totally irrational. I think I'm going to break up with him, but I'm wondering if it's worth it to try and get an explanation for his behavior first or just never talk to him again. Commenter says, do you think there were maybe some other issues and he immediately just pinned on the first thing he could blame it on? The poop sticker. Sounds like an arsehole for making you walk home so late.

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_01] Bye Felicia, his arse. OP says, I've been wondering this myself, if this is really because of some other underlying issue, but for the life of me, I 100% can't think of anything that would be bothering him. He acted totally normal and we've had a great last couple of weeks. Lots of fun dates, went partying with friends, etc. This is totally out of the blue for me and I just want to know if he's really upset about something else, but he just won't talk to me. Another commenter asks, why has nobody suggested that maybe their mutual poop humor

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_01] isn't actually mutual and he'd been trying to make that clear for a while? He said directly that she was immature. Who knows if it's true, but that's immediately the explanation that came to my mind. And another commenter which says, late to the post, but there is clearly something else going on here. My guess is that he was cheating on you slash tindering slash etc. on the phone and got way paranoid and offensive when you coincidentally messaged him. It's some kind of spontaneous persecution complex stemming from guilt.

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_01] So Opie does come in with an update and says, thank you everybody for the advice and support. Just to clarify from the last post, I literally only sent Greg the poop sticker and the you right now message. So I'm sure I didn't accidentally write or send anything else. And I sent that through a private chat with only me and him. I did not post it to his wall or through a group chat. Though even if I did, I wouldn't really see a reason for extreme offense. Anyway, I hope that answers some posters questions. After taking today to think about it

[00:17:20] [SPEAKER_01] and talking it over with my best friend, I decided to follow my instinct and the advice of everybody here and break up with Greg. He didn't contact me at all since he abruptly cut me off last night and after he posted a picture of having a grand old brunch with his buddies on Facebook, I decided enough was enough. He didn't seem to have any remorse and it really stung to see how few shits he gave about me. Pun intended. I messaged him, you're a shitty person. Oh dear. We're over, don't contact me again

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_01] and blocked him on Facebook. Sorry, I wasn't brave enough to use the brilliant response some people suggested. The dump and turd puns were great, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was too mad. After I changed my relationship status and deleted our couple's pics, I got several calls from Greg. I debated just blocking his number as well, but my curiosity got the best of me. So I picked up. I was met with dead silence. He was really pissed at me. I said, hello? In an impatient way,

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_01] and he said, this is really how you're going to do this. We had an argument where we were basically just shouting and blaming each other, with me mostly defending my decision to break up with him and him saying I was a bitch for throwing away a good relationship on a whim. I pointed out that I'd been willing to work it out with him and try to fix whatever it was that I'd done wrong. It was his unwillingness that made me think it wasn't worth it. After about 40 minutes of arguing, Greg started to realize that I was really serious and this wasn't just a tactic

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_01] to get his attention and he started getting genuinely upset. He said, please don't break up. We are so good together, which was actually hard for me to hear because up until this point, we had a really great relationship. So I started to feel really bad. However, I kept thinking about how I'd never trust him with my safety again. How garling it was that he hadn't been concerned about me or my well-being until he noticed we were now broken up. Also, how surprised I'd been by his anger and name-calling.

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_01] I've never seen that side of him before and no longer trusted who I thought he was. So I tried to stand firm. Long story short, we talked slash argued for a while longer and Greg thought that talking about the problem would be enough to get me to stay with him. So he confessed and it was really stupid in my opinion. Basically, about a week ago, I hung out with Greg and his buddies. We were both gamers and they were having a game night and asked me to come along. The attitude of that whole group is trash talk each other

[00:19:46] [SPEAKER_01] and playfully rib each other, especially while gaming. So that night when we were playing games, I joined in on the trash talk. None of it was mean-spirited. To me, it was just take some of that, yeah, eat it type stuff. But apparently, Greg felt embarrassed because I beat him a few times in front of his friends and gloated about it. This was my bad, but everybody was making a huge show of gloating and peacocking after every victory. So I thought this wasn't out of the ordinary if I also did it. I thought it was just a part of the fun, but in hindsight,

[00:20:17] [SPEAKER_01] it was probably weird and I probably should have acted differently. Also, they kept making comments like, wow, you're basically dating a dude and you know your girlfriend is basically just a girl version of name of dude in their group to Greg because they were surprised that I was willing to have frank discussions about certain topics like poop, sex, etc. I got the vibe that they didn't spend that much time around girls because they were acting so surprised every time something like that came up. It was the mentality of, girls don't fart or acknowledge farting.

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_01] This is weird. I brushed it off, but I guess afterwards Greg's friends kept teasing him about that night and made some assertions that I was too manly and that I didn't or wouldn't respect him because I was manlier than him and also because I've been beating him and peacocking about it. I'm not entirely clear. They made it clear that a lot of mocking was going on. So I guess this has been festering inside Greg ever since then and making him insecure. The poop sticker thing sent him overboard because he thought

[00:21:15] [SPEAKER_01] I was making fun of him because I didn't respect him. He interpreted it as me calling him a fat pile of shit and thinking I could get away with that. His words is still not entirely clear to me. He didn't do a great job of explaining it and was very frustrated that he had to articulate his feelings. I wasn't impressed. I'll probably get flack for this, but I didn't feel very much empathy about this problem and thought it was kind of ridiculous and stupid. If Greg had brought this up to me at any point, we could have had a discussion about it and I would have toned it down.

[00:21:45] [SPEAKER_01] So I disagree that my behavior being manly was somehow something for him to get insecure about. Unattractive, okay, I could see it, but it seemed like it was being turned into an emasculation thing by his friends and it's hard for me to wrap my head around that. It feels almost red pilly, but I don't know enough about it to really say that. I don't really know how I feel. Anyway, I personally didn't think it was something for him to have such a strong reaction about and it was a problem that could have easily been talked over if it hadn't bothered him so much.

[00:22:14] [SPEAKER_01] I still didn't think it was anything worth kicking me out and ignoring me for or name calling. Nothing is worth that in my opinion. But again, this is my first relationship and I'm probably just being selfish and pissed off. Regardless, it's over now. I told Greg he needed to grow up, but it wasn't going to be with me. His reaction was extremely immature and irrational. He acknowledged that but was still angry at me for one, insulting him with a sticker and not showing him respect, even though we always

[00:22:43] [SPEAKER_01] teased each other. I guess this goes back to the trash talking for wanting to break up. He said, give it a few days to think about it, but I firmly said I didn't want to date him anymore. He said his friends were right and I was actually a see you next Tuesday who didn't care about him or respect him. I hung up. He's been calling me some more, but I'm going to see inside out with my friends and feel some feels and not worry about him again. I guess we both did some things wrong and we both need to do some maturing, but for now I don't feel too bad.

[00:23:13] [SPEAKER_01] I'm still pretty pissed off, but surprisingly not that sad for my first breakup. Maybe it will hit tomorrow or maybe I'll find a debonair professional type at the movies who will teach me how to have an adult relationship and let me send him poop stickers. Anyway, thanks for the support Reddit. I feel better. Deary, deary me, what is it with the back and forth on these posts? Like when they get broken up with, they come and they're like trying to apologize and talk to you and then when they get turned down, they automatically

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_01] go to the abusive messages. You know, it just shows you what you'll be in for if you did stay with that person. So good on OP for getting out of that situation. Absolutely. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_01] Take care and much love.

[00:24:14] [SPEAKER_00] Yeah, man, I remember being so naive when life was good weather and palm trees. Back in the day, you were everything I need. But then along came a time when you crushed my dreams. Oh yeah, you played me like a fool when you made me believe that the line between love was ridiculous to read. Oh yeah, you see we in the spare crime everywhere. You're selling false hope cause you just don't care.