She Ignored My ONE Request On Her Birthday… So I Left Her There | r/BestOf

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] What is up Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Today's first story comes from WorriedSandwich408 from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit. And it says,

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00] I started calling her name. I waited around another 30 minutes or so to see if she would calm down. I then called her phone multiple times trying to reach her before I gave up and text her that I was leaving and walked the 10 minutes back to my apartment by myself. She started texting me back later that she was ready to come back, but I felt really sick and didn't want to get out of bed to let her into the building. I may be the arsehole here, but I told her just to stay there and I would get her in the morning.

[00:02:53] [SPEAKER_00] I walked back over to my boyfriend's at 9am the next day and let her know that I was there. She didn't come down from his room until 2pm. I was really upset and frustrated, but decided to ignore it since it was her birthday and we were celebrating her again that night. I even covered for her when her dad texted asking where she was. I told him we were at my place and she was sleeping. A few days later, I ended up in the hospital for a week due to my illness. I had to spend Thanksgiving in a hospital bed.

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_00] I went back to school after and thought nothing more of the situation. But now it's February and Vanessa hasn't texted me back since and now I'm starting to worry. In our group chats, everyone answers me except for her. Is what I did really enough for her to ignore me in this way? In the end, I don't care that she slept with him. I wouldn't have left Vanessa there if it wasn't my boyfriend's house. I wasn't so close with all of his friends. But I was in so much pain and trusted them. Am I the arsehole here?

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00] So as always, Opie was replying to some of their questions. The first commenter said, So she slept with your sister's ex-boyfriend and a guy you dealt with and was still her friend. Lol. Opie said my sister did not care. Why should I have? The commenter replied saying, You don't have to care that she slept with your situationship slash exes, but it shows Vanessa's character. And it's a matter of principle. Take it from someone who is much older than you and have seen this a time or two.

[00:04:21] [SPEAKER_00] People like her are always in secret competition with others. They like to poach spouses and exes for sport. They do it so they can prove to themselves that they're better than the other person. In this case, you and your sister. I'd bet money that she asked the exes if she was better in bed. This recent incident is a prime example of who she truly is and has been all along. However, you either chose to ignore it and excuse it by saying, Oh, that's just how she is.

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00] Or maybe you don't fully understand her character because you were blinded by the longevity of your friendship. Now you're really getting burned by her nasty personality and you're waking up to see her for who she is. Don't be surprised if you find out she trash talked Hayley to Alex. She's selfish, self-centered, manipulative, disrespectful, dishonest, jealous, male centered and an arsehole. I could use many more adjectives but I hope you get the point.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_00] As everyone suggested, defend yourself by sending this screenshot to prove she's been lying about you. Cut her out of your life because she's toxic and will only get worse with time. Anyone who sides with her isn't your friend either and should be dumped as well. Welcome to your 20s. It's the decade where many friends are gained and lost because you get to see people's true colors. It's up to you to decide your tolerance level for their behavior. Hope you reply saying you are definitely right.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you for putting it into perspective for me. Commodore says it seems a little pathetic that you can't keep boundaries with her and are continuing to be her friend when she keeps crossing boundaries. Commodore says not the arsehole. Drop this arsehole expeditiously. Lol. Who cares about her sleeping with Alex? It's the complete lack of care for your feelings and time that makes her a bad friend. What type of shit is Vanessa on? She's slept with your situationship and then your sister's ex.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_00] She's going to try and fuck your boyfriend next since she clearly has a goal of one-upping every other woman around her. Yeah, I think it's just the pattern around this that's worth noticing. She's done it like with your situationship though, your sister's ex. It's not just a one-off, right? It's just who she is around people that you care about. I'm just trying to put myself in that situation. I would never do that to a friend, ever. It's just so messy. Why would you even consider it? She didn't just ghost Vanessa here.

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_00] She warned her before they even went out, pulled her aside again at the party, gave a 30-minute warning it was time to leave, waited another 30 minutes after that, called for a text to say she was leaving. I mean, at some point, you know, come on now. And the whole, I need to get my phone, we knew what was going on there, right? But it was three days later that OP did come in with an update and says, just want to clear things up before I get into my update. One, I've known Vanessa my entire life.

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_00] We grew up down the street from each other. She's in my direct friend group. So for everyone calling me an idiot for not keeping my boundaries, it's hard to cut out a friend who you've known for so long. Now, onto the update. On Friday, Vanessa visited my sister out of state. Vanessa's always dodgy with texts, so I thought maybe she was just busy with school. But when I saw that she visited my sister hours away when I'm in the same state as her, I knew it was more than that.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_00] I text my sister when I knew that Vanessa left and asked her if she knew why Vanessa was ignoring me. She said she did and asked if I was free to call. The first thing my sister said to me on the phone was, I would never ever leave my friend at a house full of guys by herself without telling her. I was confused and asked what she was talking about. My sister and I had a long conversation and she told me that Vanessa said that I left her at the house without saying anything. She seemed disgusted by this.

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_00] She also told me that Vanessa had wanted to talk to me about the situation, but then I ended up in the hospital so she never did. I was furious and sent my sister screenshots of our texts in our call log with timestamps. I told her exactly what happened and explained the texts. I asked her who else she told this to and turns out our entire friend group thinks I just left without saying anything. I was in tears just thinking about how my sister and closest friends have thought these things about my character for months at this point.

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_00] My sister believes me after seeing the texts and apologizes for not asking me about the situation. I still haven't talked to Vanessa, but I don't think I really need to after hearing what she told everyone. I will definitely be keeping my distance from now on and only seeing her when our group gets together. I also plan on telling the group of friends with the screenshot. I don't know why she did this, but some comments definitely shed some light. Other than that, I know who the people in my life are that actually care about me.

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_00] Thank you for everyone's comments. It helped motivate me to talk to my sister and realize the truth about Vanessa. To those calling us immature, we're 21 and our brains aren't fully developed. There's a big difference between this happening at 21 versus 26. To those saying everyone sucks here, I appreciate your thoughts and agree with many. And to those who defended me or had my back, thank you for not making me feel crazy. But now I'm going to turn this one straight to you guys.

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00] What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit. There is a trigger warning on it of dead child. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. And also just to let you know, this post was posted in 2022 because there's references

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_00] to the pandemic just to let you know. It starts, my fiance and I use her sister's Netflix account. Her account is used by multiple people. She sent out a text to stop using her profile and to share the other profiles and stay out of hers. One of the profiles was used by a nephew that passed away last year at a very young age from the pandemic. I totally 100% acknowledge now that I should have asked first and I was insensitive not to.

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_00] But I changed the profile name on the account from her nephew's name to mine. She did not mind that anyone used his profile and I truly did not see any harm in changing it to my name. It's been a week and she noticed today. She sent me a text and asked me on what planet was I living on where I thought it was okay to change the profile into my name. I told her I was sorry and did not mean to upset her. I said her nephew's profile was not used much and since he was gone,

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_00] I did not think it mattered if I changed it to my name. Oh, bloody hell. You guys, she lost her mind. She called me and was screaming at me like a crazy woman. She called me a bitch, an asshole, etc. After a verbal assault, I started to defend myself and I told her instead of grief counseling, she needed to get anger management. I told her that I'd be telling her brother how she treated me. She proceeded to scream the C word at me and I hung up.

[00:11:21] [SPEAKER_00] She went and told her dad and he texted me some choice words and he swore that his son would never marry me. I tried calling my fiance then messaged him that his sister cussed me out and was having a meltdown and to call me ASAP. They got to him first and he messaged me, We need to talk when you get home. You are fucked up. That is his exact message. I called him right back and told him I knew I was wrong about changing the profile name, but his sister and dad overreacted and he needed to look into getting them some help.

[00:11:51] [SPEAKER_00] I asked him if he cared they cussed me out. I dared say I was not even sure if I wanted them at our wedding. He told me our wedding should be the least of my worries and I went too far and he hung up on me. He sounded so angry. Is changing a profile name worth this huge amount of anger and rage? I have not gone home and I'm worried about what they've filled his head with. Yes, I was insensitive but was I an arsehole? I'm worried he might break up with me. Edit.

[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_00] The profile name I changed was sister and lord nephew, not her son. It was just the responses, wasn't it? That just kept digging and digging. That just kept digging and digging a bigger hole. Imagine turning around and say telling a grieving woman, a grieving woman that she needs anger management instead of grief counseling. Gee bloody whiz. And then threatening to weaponize the fiance against his own sister.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00] And then questioning whether the grieving family should attend the wedding. It's just like, what are you thinking? I got halfway through and I thought, ah, maybe I should use this one for an am I the devil video. Because she seems genuinely baffled that everyone's upset about this. And the, and the fiance with all caps messages saying you fucked up. Is it, you know, a bit worrying for OP.

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_00] I wonder if that wedding is actually going to happen. But Jane in 99 says you're the arsehole. If someone has given you access to their stuff, the least you could do is ask before modifying any of it. The fact that this would, the fact that this is still a somewhat recent bereavement of a child, you for some reason closed that, you for some reason closed their profile and changed it without asking is silly. The fact that you likely caused a lot of grief to resurface and you were completely unsympathetic to that

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_00] and went as far as to tell them they need professional help for their anger just shows that you really have no empathy whatsoever. Not just a you're the arsehole here, but a you're the arsehole times two. Investigator Live says, You're the arsehole. You literally erased a dead person. And the post was just a you're the arsehole all over. But OP did come in with their update and said, Okay guys, I get it. I'm an arsehole. I should not have reached it.

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_00] I should not have reacted after being cussed out or changed the name on the profile. My now, I guess, ex-fiance was packing his stuff when I got back home and he is moving out. He said I destroyed our relationship and his family never wanted to be around me again and not to contact his sister to apologize. So that is it. I cannot stop crying and will not be given the opportunity to make this right. His mind was made up before I even got home. There will be nothing more to update.

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_00] Now, I'm not suggesting that what she did here wasn't bad enough wasn't bad enough to break up over because it absolutely is. You know, the reactions to people in this was absolutely wild. But I sort of wonder about the background of this as well. I wonder what else her behavior was like during their relationship because I can imagine there's a lot more to it. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from AccomplishedMix2318 from the Am I the Arsehole Here subreddit. And it says, am I the arsehole here for not inviting my cousin to hang out anymore after she kept making jokes about my life choices. So I, 22 female, have a cousin. I call her Mary, 23 female.

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_00] And we used to be genuinely really close growing up. Like our families see each other almost every weekend. We went to the same school for a while and there was a point where she was honestly my closest friend out of everyone I knew. We told each other everything. But over the past year or so, things just started to feel, just started feeling different. Hard to explain at first, but nothing I could really put my finger on. Just a vibe I was getting. So, a bit of background.

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_00] I finished college earlier this year and started working a full-time job. Nothing crazy, just a normal office job. But it was a big deal for me personally because I worked really hard to get there. Mary, on the other hand, is still figuring out what she wants to do. And like I genuinely mean it when I say I have zero judgment about that. Life isn't a race and everyone figures things out at their own pace. I never once made her feel bad about it or at least I really tried not to.

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_00] But somewhere along the way, she started making these comments. Little things at first that I brushed off as just her sense of humor because she's always been a kind of sarcastic person. And I used to find it funny. Stuff like, must be nice to already have your life together whenever I mention anything work-related. Or some of us don't have it easy like you, if I talked about weekend plans. She started calling me corporate girl as like a nickname, which sounds harmless, but the way she said it was always a little sharp.

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_00] Like there was always just a tiny edge underneath it that I couldn't quite explain to anyone without sounding oversensitive. And it wasn't just once in a while. It became kind of a pattern. If I mentioned being exhausted after a long week, she'd say something like, try being unemployed and stressed. Must be rough having a paycheck though. If I talked about saving up for a trip or something I wanted to buy, she'd go, of course you can afford it, with this little laugh. If I brought anything up about work at all,

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_00] even just casually in conversation, there was almost always a comment waiting on the other side of it. At first, I genuinely just laughed it off every single time because I did not want to be the person who can't take a joke. I kept telling myself she didn't mean anything by it and I was probably just reading into things. But then it started happening in front of other people. Family dinners, group hangouts, and even in front of some people we'd just met that night. And something about having it happen in front of others

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_00] made it feel worse somehow. Like I could feel myself getting quieter every time we're in a group together because I never knew when the next comment was coming. And I didn't want to have to laugh it off again in front of everyone. I started kind of dreading hanging out with her, which made me sad because this is someone I genuinely love and used to look forward to seeing. Then a few weeks ago, we made plans to grab coffee. Just the two of us. And within like the first 20 minutes, she made a comment about how I've changed since I started working.

[00:18:34] [SPEAKER_00] And I'm too busy for real people now. And I don't know if it was just because I was already tired or because it had been building for so long. But something about that one just hit differently. So I said something. I kept my voice calm. I wasn't trying to start a fight or make it dramatic. I just told her honestly that the jokes have been piling up and were starting to feel genuinely hurtful. And I'd really appreciate it if she could ease up on them. She did not take it well. She got defensive almost immediately

[00:19:04] [SPEAKER_00] and told me I was being way too sensitive and acting like I was better than her. She said she was just teasing and I was making a big deal out of nothing. The conversation got a little awkward after and that we kind of just moved on, but it felt unresolved. After that, I just stopped reaching out to make plans. I still reply to her texts when she messages me. I don't ignore her or anything, but I haven't been the one to suggest getting together or initiate anything like I used to.

[00:19:33] [SPEAKER_00] Well, apparently that did not go unnoticed. My aunt called my mom recently and said Mary is upset that she feels like I've suddenly gone cold on her and she doesn't understand why I'm being distant. Which like, I get that it probably doesn't feel that way from her side, but also she kind of never acknowledged what I said at the coffee thing. Now there's a bit of a divide in the family. Some people think I should just brush it off, keep the peace. She was just joking around. Others actually understand where I'm coming from

[00:20:02] [SPEAKER_00] and think I had every right to say something and pull back a little. And I really don't want this to turn into some massive family drama because I do care about Mary and I miss the friendship we used to have. But I also don't want to go back to feeling uncomfortable every single time we hang out and biting my tongue every time she makes a dig. So am I the arsehole? For slowly putting back after she kept making those comments. Even after I told her how I felt. Of course, absolutely not the arsehole

[00:20:31] [SPEAKER_00] and the air quotes jokes are not jokes. It's just her delivering her resentment in a different way. Because when you eventually, like you did, push back at her, she can just turn it around and say, oh, I was just teasing. You're too sensitive. All that usual bullshit that comes out. And it'd be more understandable if it was just like one sarcastic comment. You know, maybe just the humor. Some people are like that. I got friends who are like that. But every single time you mention work,

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_00] money, any sort of plans you have or your success, you know, that's not a bit. That's just her doing it time and time again. It's a pattern. But the first commenter says to OP, not the arsehole. She wasn't joking. She was taking little digs at you out of insecurity and then calling you sensitive when you finally said something. You didn't even blow up. You just pulled back to protect your peace. If she actually cared about the friendship, she would have apologized and adjusted

[00:21:28] [SPEAKER_00] instead of running to the family like you wronged her. OP says the point is she never apologized. She feels that's the best part about her and that she never backs down. Commodore says not the arsehole. Those were not harmless jokes. They were repeated digs rooted in insecurity. The pattern, the timing and especially doing in front of other people shows it wasn't just teasing. It was undermining you. You did the right thing by addressing it calmly and giving her a chance to correct it.

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_00] Her response wasn't to reflect or apologize but to dismiss your feelings and call you sensitive. That's the real issue. Pulling back is not punishment. It's protecting your peace. This is a natural consequence of their behavior. You are still replying and being civil. You're just no longer investing in a dynamic that makes you feel small. If she wants the closeness back, she needs to acknowledge how her behavior affected you. OP replies saying, I'm not sure that things will be the same even after apologizing now.

[00:22:27] [SPEAKER_00] Commodore says, Yes, she sounds jealous. I hope that she comes to her senses soon. Takes what you said to heart and changes how she acts with you. Not the arsehole if asked again. Tell your aunt to ask her daughter. You told her why a coffee. OP says, My mom told her that but my aunt is defending her daughter that she was just joking. Commodore says, Not the arsehole. She's not a good friend. People's actions and words have consequences. When it gets to the point that you're not enjoying her company

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_00] and she's making you feel uncomfortable is when you need space. Another option is to stop biting your tongue. Anytime she says something rude, just let her know her comment is rude. If she says it's a joke, just respond that no, it's rude. What the fuck is her mommy calling your mother for? You're adults. This is not playdate bullshit. Your whole family needs to stay in their lane and out to your business. Side note, people change in their early 20s.

[00:23:25] [SPEAKER_00] You may have been good friends in your teens but as you have found, your paths have diverged. OP says, Her mom has this weird habit of involving everyone and family whenever any fight broke out. And yeah, I will try telling her this if I ever meet her again. So OP came in with their update and said, So this took a turn I absolutely did not see coming. So yesterday, a few hours after my original post, I got a call from Mary and she was furious,

[00:23:54] [SPEAKER_00] like immediately yelling the second I picked up. She went off about how I portrayed her wrong on Reddit and how everyone is blaming her and how so many people have read it and now she looks terrible. I honestly just sitting there confused because like, my post got some comments but it wasn't exactly what she was saying. The comments were pretty measured. Some people agreed with me. Some said talk it out. Nothing crazy. But she kept going. Started listing off all these specific things I apparently said in the post.

[00:24:24] [SPEAKER_00] Except here's the thing. I didn't say half of what she was claiming. She was talking about details that straight up weren't in my post at all. Different scenarios, things I never mentioned, stuff that didn't even happen. That's when it clicked. She wasn't talking about my post. She was either talking about a completely different post she found or I don't even know. I tried to tell her that but she wasn't hearing it. She hung up on me. And apparently she went crying to her mum, my aunt,

[00:24:52] [SPEAKER_00] about how I publicly humiliated her on the internet. My aunt called my mum. My mum was confused because she'd actually read my post. I shared it to her after I got one such comment which felt funny and it was pretty tame. Then another cousin got involved trying to mediate and actually went looking for the post Mary was describing. He couldn't find anything matching what she claimed. So then there was this whole family group chat thing happening that I wasn't even in but heard about later where people were trying to figure out

[00:25:22] [SPEAKER_00] what was going on. And this is the part that honestly made me laugh. Mary apparently let it slip in front of her other aunt that she just did it to get a reaction out of me. The whole viral Reddit post thing, either she made it up entirely or found some random post that vaguely sounded similar and decided to pretend it was about her to, what? Make me feel guilty? Start drama? Get attention? I genuinely have no idea. The family group chat apparently went silent after that

[00:25:51] [SPEAKER_00] or maybe she found my original post and just started exaggerating things. My mum texts me later, like so your cousin is something else and I just had to laugh because what else can you even do at that point? The funniest part? My actual post is fine. Barely got any traction. Just sitting there mining its business while Mary created an entire fictional drama around it. I don't even know what to do with this information. Part of me feels vindicated because this is exactly the kind of behavior

[00:26:20] [SPEAKER_00] I was talking about in my original post. But another part of me just feels sad because this is so much more unhinged than I expected. I haven't talked to her since. Honestly, don't know if I even want to anymore. Commodore says to OP, your cousin is crazy. Low contact or no contact with her. OP says no contact, it is now. Commodore says to OP, curious OP, why does the family have input on how you should deal with your cousin? Especially since she is intentionally trying to provoke a reaction from you.

[00:26:51] [SPEAKER_00] It is unhinged. Need to keep Mary at a safe distance since she has no issue with manufacturing drama for her satisfaction. She is a manipulator. OP says because my grandparents have this obsession of having a close-knitted Bridgerton-style family. Long story short, my grandmother never had siblings but she has lots of cousins who loved her a lot so she feels all of her grandchildren should be close like her and her cousins. Commodore says, how does she even know you posted on Reddit? And since your post

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_00] is still up, why can't you just show your family the post to be like, see, it's not what she's claiming? OP says, I don't know if she even knows or just said it out of nowhere because earlier I used to read Reddit posts on Instagram after which I created my account roughly two weeks ago. Wasn't posting or commenting anything but my cousin was quite active on Reddit knew and considering these two are pretty close even she would know that I have started using Reddit so she thought to use it against me. I'm not sure

[00:27:49] [SPEAKER_00] if they even know about this post or not. If I showed my previous post to them she and her mother would be like, see, we're not lying about the post at least but now my family will be checking Reddit a lot so they will find it themselves. There's a little part of me that wondered if someone tipped her off about the Reddit post and she looked couldn't find it so made something up but in the update Mary pretty much proved every single point for OP. OP didn't need

[00:28:19] [SPEAKER_00] to escalate they didn't need to explain anything further or convince anyone of anything really she just did it herself made up a whole assed story got caught in front of everyone and then admitted it was to get a reaction. Holy moly that's some unhinged behavior right there right? And I think yeah, you know stepping back or no contact is absolutely a good call in this situation but what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the

[00:28:49] [SPEAKER_00] comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time thank you for your well wishes on my voice feels a little bit better today taking some manuka honey hopefully it's not too rough for you guys I know it's still on the edge right? I'm really appreciating you guys telling me to take a break but you know it's a part of my routine these days the day just doesn't feel right without reading a reddit story or two but thank you so so much for being here and hopefully I'll see you in the next one

[00:29:19] [SPEAKER_00] take care and much love