My Friends Are Trying To Force Me To Reconnect With Ex-Husband r/Relationships

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[00:00:31] 500 Euro bei deiner ersten Einstellung.

[00:01:35] Er macht einen Schönen, aber ich versuche ihn zu vermeiden. Er hat mich in der Zeit, die ich in der Zeit habe, in der ich meine Ex-Husband für meine Nummer habe, in der ich in der Zeit habe, weil ich ihn wollte, weil er mich nicht mehr als eine. Die Sache ist, niemand in der Stadt weiß, dass wir uns einmal zu verabschieden sind. Wenn ich hier fünf Jahre alt war, habe ich nicht erwähnt, meine Ex-Husband nicht erwähnt. Er hat mich nicht, also meine Freundin und meine Freundin wollen uns aufhören,

[00:02:02] because you seem to have such great chemistry at the party. The other thing is that I never realized how much I missed him until he entered the room. Our relationship was a mistake. We got married because we were the only unmarried couple in our social circle and everybody else was already having babies. The divorce was inevitable. Our communication was rubbish. I wanted kids. He didn't. At least not as soon as possible. His mom was meddling and he didn't stand up to her.

[00:02:30] At the same time, we were really good friends and meeting him again made me more than happy. I had a chat with my cousin, 32 female, and her husband who was spending Christmas and New Year's with me and they told me not to overreact and that being nostalgic for the things that could have been was natural during the holidays. Now I'm debating to meet him, talk to him and be done for good but the risks of catching feelings again is high. He did look better than five years ago

[00:02:56] and finally left his hometown to work for his dream business. Something I told him to do years ago. Am I exaggerating or overreacting? What should I do? Look, you've already thrown out a lot of reasons not to get back with this guy and I can't tell you whether you should meet up with him or not. I can only give you what I would do in that situation and I personally don't think it's a good idea because there is the chance of just getting swept up in feelings, right? But you need to make that decision for yourself

[00:03:25] but the red flags that you were given like what happened before and let me just say absolutely this can change but you said your communication was rubbish. You wanted kids. He didn't which is obviously a huge one and his mum was meddling and he didn't stand up to her. That's a lot of stuff that has had to have changed and not forgetting the reasons that you got married in the first place because everyone around you was doing it which is just like oof. But there was a couple of comments countering that. One of the comments said,

[00:03:54] but the point is that she won't find out unless she talks to him which Sean replies and this is exactly it. People here tend to never give anyone the benefit of the doubt and they completely fixate on negative characteristics which makes me wonder where so many people have found the 100% perfect human being and then so many of them landed those perfect human beings all while being perfect themselves. And this whole time my mum telling me nobody is perfect all those times when I was growing up

[00:04:23] and apparently that is a lie is disappointing to say the least. Anyway, on a more serious note, give them a chance if you want to and take it slowly. Worst case is you find out nothing has changed and you realize that you were right in splitting the first time. Best case is that you get with someone who already knows you and knows the things you like and dislike and you can know what to avoid to get you into the same position you ended up last time. I say go for it if you want to.

[00:04:50] People can change, not all do, but some can and do. Maybe losing you gave him the kick in the ass and he made great strides to make sure he doesn't make the same mistake twice. Another commenter says five years is a lot of time for someone to potentially change and making that move to your new city makes it sound like at least he's introduced one big change. He could be open to more and he could have already. I think it's totally worth talking to him and support the coffee and ketchup idea but make sure not to get caught up in chemistry.

[00:05:20] Don't dodge the big questions even though you could get distracted just having fun and being nostalgic. Another commenter says the good thing about knowing him before is that you can skip straight to the important parts interview style. Are the deal breakers from before changed? Can you start off on a different foot and really create a new relationship dynamic where you are communicating? After you have the answers to these questions and maybe he has his own questions to ask and you have had plenty of time to think about it by yourself only then should you make the decision

[00:05:50] of whether to date or not. If you decide to date set firm boundaries and ground rules make this ahead of time before you have had time to rekindle the emotional attachment. You now have experience to know what you want and what you don't if you make the logical connections now of what will make your relationship fail and document them. It will be much easier to leave a relationship doomed to fail. And one more comment that says I remarried my ex-husband seven years after we got divorced so if you're interested in seeing him

[00:06:20] I'm not going to tell you it's a terrible idea. It's important to build a new relationship and not just fall back into the same old patterns because he's so familiar. Take things slow. You may find he's changed a bit in the physical attraction isn't enough to make up for the other issues. The first order of business should be discussing how you're both feeling about reconnecting what each of you are looking for etc to make sure everyone has the same expectations. Plus you'll learn very quickly if the communication issues are still there waiting to be worked on.

[00:06:50] When my husband and I got back together we spent over a year in weekly counseling to undo some of the patterns from our first marriage. It was hard and there were times I thought I'd lose my mind but things are fantastic the second time around and I have no regrets. So sometime later OP comes in with an update and says after posting I really wanted to answer your comments but I got distracted but I read them thought about them and applied some. This is what happened. Shortly after posting and before answering

[00:07:20] my best friend's message I ran into my ex in the supermarket. We had a short talk everything was collegial and since I did not want to jump to conclusions without talking to him we went for coffee afterwards. Long story short we agreed to stay on a friendly level for our own good. He admitted that he felt extremely sentimental after meeting me the last time I admitted feeling both giddy and panicky at the same time. He apologized for things he did slash didn't do during our marriage mainly not defending me

[00:07:49] against his mother with whom he doesn't have any contact anymore. Then we discussed our friends. What some people ask me about my failed marriage. The reason is that she might be one of the kindest people I know but she is quite religious. I'm not and extremely against divorce. In her eyes you should better sacrifice your happiness for the benefit of others so getting a divorce is the coward's way out. It means you don't deserve love.

[00:08:19] Her mother-in-law treats her like scum. Her husband stays quiet because she is glad that mother-in-law gave her the most important thing in her life and rather endures the rants and boundary stomping. So telling her about divorce would have resulted in one of two scenarios. A. She'd never talk to me again because I killed the idea of marriage or B. She'd try to get me back with my husband. Some days ago one of these scenarios happened. I told her before that I was not interested in giving my ex my number. I already had.

[00:08:49] Neither her or her husband my ex's friend knew. Because I was not looking for a relationship. I actually am not. Last March my last relationship kicked the bucket due to cheating. Him and unwillingness to forgive. Me. She excepted that and invited me for brunch the next Saturday. One of our traditions. Sunday comes and ex calls me and I was going to best friend's brunch. He got an invitation. So we're both there sitting next to each other. Best friend

[00:09:19] and her husband trying their very best to get us interested in each other. It was like a very bad movie. Like that scene in When Harry Met Sally. When they go on a double date. Subtle remarks and the things that we have in common. Hints and compatibility. Badly masked comments on unsuccessful love life. Until best friend's husband says as far as I know my name she would probably make a great wife. Best friend's mum loves her. She's every mother's dream. An ex says well

[00:09:48] my mother used to call her that woman and told me all sort of shortcomings until I believed them. Actually she even admitted to hating her. But in hindsight she really was a great wife. Crickets. Ex and I look at each other and burst out in laughter. Probably due to the pressure and the extreme awkwardness of the situation. Best friend and husband join in. For a moment they believe ex made a joke. Then best friend says we're so sorry for pressuring you. It's just like that we like you both and think you'd make

[00:10:17] a great couple. An ex takes out his fucking phone and shows them a picture of our wedding day. How the fuck was that there? Because he had sent some pictures that my dear ex mother-in-law withholded from me and says we did but it did not work out and we're friends now. Who wants to go to the cinema? Chaos ensued. World views broke. Best friend started crying. Best friend's husband was flabbergasted. Ah his flabbers were gasted. They make us leave to readjust.

[00:10:47] Yesterday I spoke to best friend on the phone and explained everything thoroughly. The abuse by my mother-in-law the arguments the incompatibilities the mutual decision to end it my fear of telling her. She was silently crying for my future. Quote You're already so old and threw away your only chance of happiness. No wonder you don't find love. You threw it away. It won't come back. Your future with your ex is riddled by betrayal. If you get back together

[00:11:17] you can never mend what you tore apart. What will you tell any partner? I cannot understand how you could do that. You always seem so compassionate. Why could you not understand the pain of your mother-in-law? She lost her son to you. You did not respect her wishes and did not listen to her. I'm sure she loved you like a daughter but you were not ready. That's when I said goodbye I have to go see you and question my five-year friendship. I talked to my mom to my cousin

[00:11:46] and even to my ex who had a similar but not as emotional talk with my best friend's husband who doesn't even talk to him at work anymore. They all recommended that I should give best friends some space. I feel worse than after my last breakup. So TLDR I'm friendly with my ex now. I need to go to a pub quiz next Friday with some other friends who have been told about our status. But my best friend is deeply sad about my inability to cherish marriage insulted me by siding with my abusive

[00:12:15] ex-mother-in-law and is now in time out. Not sure how or whether to save this friendship. Wann hast du zuletzt eine Stelle besetzt und gedacht das war einfach? Wahrscheinlich lange her. Recruiting kann echt kompliziert sein. Es geht aber auch anders. Die Recruiting-Plattform Instafo liefert dir dank AI Matchmaking nur passende Bewerbungen in deine Pipeline und per Chat kannst du direkt mit ihnen kommunizieren. Instafo erreicht über Podcasts Reddit, YouTube und Co. Talente, die sonst schwer zu finden sind. Funktioniert für

[00:12:45] Enterprises wie RTL und GLS, aber auch für Scale-Ups wie Du, Instruct und Finanzguru. Du zahlst nur bei Erfolg und sparst über instafo.com slash podcast 500 Euro bei deiner ersten Einstellung. And Dave says your best friend is willing to choose her archaic destructive views about divorce and marriage over your happiness. I don't think this friendship is worth saving. OP says it seems so. That's so frustrating. We disagreed in

[00:13:14] so much religion wise, but she always was accepting and tolerant just as I was. I never demonized her way of thinking. She never talked down mine until now. I don't know. Maybe I'll just write her a nice letter laying down my disappointment, offering her a chance to talk if she wants to and then slowly end things. Jeez, my divorce was easier. Cloud Origami says but would you really want to after the way she made you feel? She was really shitty to you over that phone call

[00:13:43] regardless of her views. Sorry this happened to you OP. You deserve better than that. Hugs. OP says thanks and hugs back. You're right. I'll write a letter anyway. Just to let it all out. We'll cut contact and just hand her the letter if she confronts me. God, that feels like a high school all over again. OP then adds an edit and they said after reading all your comments I decided to end the friendship. I did not sleep well so I spent all night writing down what bothered me

[00:14:13] so that if she dares to talk to me again I have the right arguments regarding her possible frustration slash projection. I really acted as a therapist for the whole five years of our friendship and realized how codependent and slightly toxic this relationship actually was. This is something I have to get over though I'm a rather introverted social mess. I really need to look out for new friends who are not as prejudiced. I told one of my colleagues the Cliff Notes version of the conflict and she, divorced and remarried, told me to join her

[00:14:43] feminist knitting and sewing group so yay, first step. X has a similar problem now. My friend's husband told their mutual friend group that X had loose morals and might be a bad influence. Because this is kindergarten, some of them blocked X on social media and asked him what crime he committed and only one told him that A, best friend's husband is extremely overreacting and B, he still wants to hang out with X no matter what. So we're now in the same find friends boat.

[00:15:13] My friend's husband actually asked his boss this morning if he could arrange it so that he did not have to share an office with X anymore. So yeah, they're also cutting ties. And to the comments asking which culture we slash they belong to, we're all generic Europeans. X friends are just belonging to a strange Christian church, Protestant, not even Catholic. TLDR, mission finding new friends is afoot. X friends behave like toddlers, cementing my decision to sever contact.

[00:15:43] Gee whiz, what a messy situation. That moment where they tried to set him up and they went to a restaurant together and they were sitting together and the drama slowly started unfolding. I could picture that scene and you know, I was sat at another table listening in. I'm a right nosy bastard even in my imagination. But I guess this situation ends up or though it's going to be painful regardless of what happened, you know, these were still relationships between people. That's going to be painful but I think it's for the best.

[00:16:12] But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from the am I the arsehole subreddit from just some uncle guy who says am I the arsehole for not giving the doll house I built to my niece but to my wife as a gift. It's not a doll house but I didn't want anyone to think I was being misleading on purpose by saying I built a house.

[00:16:42] I 28 male made my wife 28 female a replica of a house that's known to fans of a musician but wouldn't mean much to others. It's about two feet tall and wasn't very complicated to build but my wife had said a few times over the last year that she thought it'd be cool to have four little trinkets. She's like a crow with her trinkets. I love it. She didn't know I was making it for her but I did sneakily involve her in its creation through having her make a couple of TikToks when we were out together

[00:17:12] so I could get the colors right. She has no idea. Lol. I was excited so I showed a picture to my brother. He told me it was cool but didn't get he showed it to my niece Ava 13 female who knew what it was and said she wanted one too. My brother asked if I could give it to Ava for her birthday. I said no it's for my wife but I could make one with Ava. It would help teach her some basic woodworking skills which they don't do in schools here anymore.

[00:17:43] I'd like that. Brother said if it was so easy then I could make a second one for my wife and just give this one to Ava since her birthday is at the end of the month. Again I said no. This was done specifically for my wife. He seemed to accept that but then came back to me and said isn't it a little weird to make a dollhouse for an adult woman. I told him it's not a dollhouse just a fancy shelf. He argued that it makes it worse because Ava would actually play with it. He must have gone

[00:18:12] to complain to mum about it. He's the younger brother because mum called me to tell me that it was stupid to give my wife a dollhouse. I tried to explain that it's not a dollhouse but she just kept saying that's stupid. This weekend I was at their house and Ava kept bringing up the house and laying it on thick with statements like I've always wanted one just like it. She kept asking why my wife wanted a dollhouse. I said it's not a dollhouse but she kept asking why she needed a dollhouse.

[00:18:42] I told my brother that he was encouraging his kid to be manipulative and I really didn't like it so I was going to leave. He told me that I was dangling the house over her head like McDonald's and teasing her and it made me a bad uncle. Being a good uncle is important to me and I do feel for the girl because she's a big fan too. Admit I have a blind spot for this because I don't have kids and maybe I shouldn't have shared the picture with my brother to begin with. Am I really the arsehole for not just giving it to her?

[00:19:11] Yes it was easy to make and I could make another quickly. Sorry guys. Ava isn't my brother's biological daughter. There's a long story involved that I didn't want to add but I should have realized the age would be surprising. I still see her as my niece regardless but I get why that would be alarming. Nothing bad happened or anything. So I immediately had to do some googling after this. I think what the what is this house? So I googled it and it's like from what I can see it's a Taylor

[00:19:40] Swift loverhouse it's called. People are selling it on Etsy and it's all over the place if you just google it. I mean some people are using it for dolls some people putting furniture in it other people using it as a bookshelf. Obviously OP is going to be using it for trinkets but it's just wildly entitled. I always try to put myself in these situations and I'm putting myself like as OP's brother and he phoned me and told me about this dollhouse. I couldn't imagine going even if like hypothetical child told me oh yeah I really want one of those.

[00:20:09] I go oh yeah well my child wants that so just gift it to her for a birthday would you? Absolutely wild ask but then OP was gracious enough to reply saying look I build one with her if you want. You know you would snap that up if you think that would make Ava happy right? That's a real kind thing to do and spend time with your niece at the same time and then like you said getting Ava to be manipulative about it at the same time is doing her a huge disservice. Your brother seems to be going around telling

[00:20:38] everyone around her that Ava deserves this. Ava herself your mum your mum phoning you up and telling you you know trying to get you to give it over as well. It's just it's just wild. But Lizzie says to this not the asshole your brother is being weirdly entitled and he's encouraging Ava to act like a nuisance about it too. Your solution to make one with your niece sounded like a really nice idea. At this rate I wouldn't be willing to help her make one or make one for her at all. This is ridiculous behavior from your brother and now his daughter is being

[00:21:08] influenced. Unacceptable. Do not cave in on this. Buttercup Grump says not the asshole and quotes about hanging it over her head like a McDonald's and teasing her and then says you're not the one teasing Ava. Your brother is. He's putting the idea in her head that she deserves that specific item and that you're being mean by not just giving it to her. The truth is you're actually being a great uncle but trying to teach her that she doesn't always get what she wants. Entitled people man it's just so I don't forget the thought

[00:21:37] process every time. Like think about it this is an actual conversation that happened. Two people were over on the phone and he's asking this shit from his brother. Madness. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care.

[00:22:06] And much love.

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