My Friend Cut Me Off For Saying I Would Not Have Chosen My Husband As The Father Of My Children

[00:00:00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out

[00:00:25] some more Reddit Stories of course and if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider

[00:00:29] hitting that like subscribe and maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with

[00:00:34] today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from one river 7856 from

[00:00:41] the am I the arsehole here subreddit and it's titled, Am I the arsehole here for saying

[00:00:47] I would never have chosen my husband as the father of my child. I 37 female and my husband

[00:00:54] Liam 30 male have 2 children. I'm currently pregnant with our third and last. Liam is

[00:01:01] a wonderful husband and a fantastic father. I was out at brunch with a few friends of

[00:01:06] mine I was telling them a funny story about my cravings and how Liam had made a cake from

[00:01:11] scratch for it. A friend of a friend, Paige said that I chose so well and that she should

[00:01:18] have put as much thought as I did in choosing him. I have a reputation for being really

[00:01:23] thorough and thinking things out before doing anything. The responsible one. I told her

[00:01:29] that I never would have chosen Liam to be the father of our first child but I'm so grateful

[00:01:34] he was. I was very lucky. Our pre-marriage life was messy. I was with another man Dave.

[00:01:42] Dave was a steady, reliable man and we had been together for years. Dave made a new friend

[00:01:48] who was Liam and I could not help but absolutely hate him. According to him, Liam made Dave

[00:01:54] feel young again and he was desperate to reclaim the sense of youth he lost by being responsible

[00:02:00] since he was young. He spent all of his time with Liam and other bros. Dave would spend

[00:02:06] every night out partying until 2 or 3am. He spends his entire paycheck and some of my

[00:02:12] paychecks on wrestling videos and online gambling. He bought a motorcycle. He used

[00:02:17] our savings to buy crypto. He shaved his head bald. The last straw was him spending $20,000

[00:02:24] of my savings to travel. Throughout this, Liam was incredibly disrespectful to me.

[00:02:30] Dave broke up with me when I asked him to stop hanging out with Liam and his other friends.

[00:02:35] He immediately moved in with a girl I had concerns about. I felt deeply hurt and for the first

[00:02:40] time in my life I felt like hurting someone in return. I was miserable, out of my mind

[00:02:46] and called Liam over. I wanted to ruin their friendship like he ruined my relationship.

[00:02:53] He was annoyed at Dave for something else and was down for anything. I woke up the next

[00:02:57] morning realizing that I had made a huge mistake but it was incredible. Unfortunately, my bad

[00:03:04] decision caught up to me and I got pregnant. Ironic since I had always wanted children

[00:03:09] but I was told I was infertile. Both Liam and I were against children out of wedlock

[00:03:14] and we had a small wedding. I was ready to grit my teeth and make the best of our marriage

[00:03:19] but surprisingly Liam turned out to be an incredible partner and father. It was a mistake.

[00:03:25] It was the best mistake of my life. Paige was very offended that I said Liam wouldn't

[00:03:31] have been my choice initially. She said I was making myself superior. She said that

[00:03:36] she lost respect for me and would never talk to me again. She also messaged Liam to tell

[00:03:41] him what I had said. Was what I said really that bad? Edit. I should probably be clearer

[00:03:47] but I'm a lot more unfiltered on Reddit than here. I just said that while we knew each

[00:03:52] other before, Liam was basically a one night thing which is true. My other friends know

[00:03:57] the truth because a few of them were there when it all unfolded. Dave was furious at first

[00:04:03] which is understandable but we are cordial to each other. I did not get my money back

[00:04:08] unfortunately. But horrornewt says not the arsehole. I'd imagine Liam feels the same

[00:04:13] lol. That is a wild story but the best part is it worked out for you guys.

[00:04:19] Lose Paige as a friend. That's a weird response she had in my opinion. I hope he responded

[00:04:26] saying it was wild but I think it worked because we were honest with each other. That doesn't

[00:04:31] stop Liam from still teasing me that I only hated him because I wanted him but couldn't

[00:04:35] have him. Totally untrue. His obnoxious behaviour outweighed his pretty boy looks. But people

[00:04:41] change and change either parts of their personality. At the time our wedding rolled around, I thought

[00:04:47] we could be friends. By the end of the year I was head over heels in love.

[00:04:51] News says not the arsehole. I'm sure your husband realizes that it was a crazy start

[00:04:56] to your relationship but I would give him the reassurance that he is a wonderful father

[00:05:00] though. I make sure to remind him every day.

[00:05:05] Unusual says I need to know about Dave's reaction when he found out about you and Liam. This

[00:05:09] is the craziest story but I love that it all worked out.

[00:05:13] Lopey says he was furious at first and accused us of being hypocrites. I agree that ruining

[00:05:19] his friendship with Liam was a bad thing to do. But when your would be husband steals

[00:05:23] thousands of dollars from you and cheats on you, anyone would want some sort of revenge.

[00:05:28] I had never wanted someone else to be hurt before but I wanted Dave to feel as hurt as

[00:05:33] I did. Liam was angry with Dave for lying to him and using him as a cover for his affair

[00:05:37] partner. Neither of us had cheated or lied to Dave. Dave grew even more furious when he

[00:05:43] found out I was pregnant and marrying Liam. Part of the reason we were engaged for so many

[00:05:48] years was that I was infertile and he was hesitant to move forward if I wasn't able

[00:05:53] to have children. Here shotgun weddings aren't uncommon and the number of babies born out

[00:05:58] of wedlock is less than 5% according to a survey I saw. Eventually he calmed down and

[00:06:04] we are cordial with each other. However, I never got my money back.

[00:06:09] Unusual Potato replies that and says the audacity to be furious after everything he put you

[00:06:13] through. That was sweet sweet revenge especially after you got pregnant and he was hesitant

[00:06:19] to move forward with you because of your infertility. Gets even sweeter. This is the most satisfying

[00:06:25] reddit story I've read in a while so thank you.

[00:06:28] Opie says it was a failure of revenge to be honest. I didn't break up Liam and Dave's

[00:06:33] friendship. Liam already was angry with Dave for lying to him and using him as a cover

[00:06:38] for his affair. Dave is back to a stable life and his career is growing. I never got my money

[00:06:43] back. Nevertheless, I'm happy with my life. I have an amazing husband, two adorable kids

[00:06:49] and a great career.

[00:06:52] Aquin says not the arsehole and Paige is being very weird. It is a surprise you ended up with

[00:06:57] Liam based on your story but it doesn't mean what you said was a bad thing. It's simply

[00:07:01] a statement of fact. Opie says I don't know why she was so offended. It's not like she

[00:07:06] is Liam's friend. If you told me 10 years ago that I would have married Liam, I would

[00:07:11] have died laughing or screamed in horror.

[00:07:14] So Opie comes in with an update and says I got a lot more attention on my post than I

[00:07:19] thought. Long story short, Paige apologized for overstepping and we're all good now.

[00:07:25] Paige reached out to me. She was having a rough time in her own relationship and felt

[00:07:31] I was being ungrateful. I accepted her apology. However, I don't expect us to have a close

[00:07:36] friendship in the future.

[00:07:38] I also checked up on Liam. As I've said before, I adore my husband and do not want to make

[00:07:43] him feel bad. I asked him if he felt hurt by what I said. He says yes, he was deeply

[00:07:48] offended and I should make up for it with a thousand kisses plus interest starting right

[00:07:53] now. The worst thing in my life right now is my baby kicking into my ribs. I miss being

[00:07:58] able to breathe without a foot in my organs.

[00:08:01] Several people have questioned how I got the reputation of being thoughtful when I made

[00:08:05] really bad personal decisions. Honestly, I'm fiscally responsible, organized and an all-around

[00:08:12] prepared person. But I'm dependent on having a stable, boring life and was unequipped to

[00:08:18] have my personal life fall apart.

[00:08:20] If I think back to what I was like 10 years ago, I had a good amount of savings, a comfortable

[00:08:25] career and close friends. I also had a fiancé who I'd been with for years and who had changed

[00:08:31] into a person I no longer recognized. Someone who lied to me, stole from me and cheated

[00:08:37] on me. Liam actually was the one who called me after Dave broke up with me. He told me

[00:08:43] about how Dave had lied to him and used him in lies and was with the other woman. I was

[00:08:48] still in shock. He came over to me to give me some things that Dave had left in his apartment

[00:08:53] in case it was mine. Some of it was mine, some of it was Dave's trash. I sobbed and blamed

[00:08:59] him and he took it and apologized. He kissed me. I said I wanted to ruin his life like

[00:09:05] he ruined mine. Liam saw Dave as his best friend. He also had trust issues so lying

[00:09:10] is off the table. Their friendship was already ruined but I didn't know that. I was not good

[00:09:15] at getting revenge, at least spontaneously.

[00:09:19] We didn't use protection. I'd been told I was infertile. My previous two partners, my

[00:09:24] old boyfriend and Dave never got me pregnant after years. I was ignorant and wasn't told

[00:09:30] that infertile doesn't mean sterile. I still had a chance of getting pregnant. Having a

[00:09:35] child out of wedlock is very uncommon and looked down upon, even more than divorce.

[00:09:41] Because of that shotgun weddings are actually pretty common. I was excited to be a mother

[00:09:46] and Liam was, to my surprise, excited to be a father. We decided to put aside our old grievances,

[00:09:52] be friends and raise our child happily. I can say that I started falling in love with

[00:09:57] him through my pregnancy but it was solidified after my birth. It was traumatic and I tore

[00:10:03] badly. Liam was such an attentive husband and father. We fell together so nicely it

[00:10:09] was hard to notice when he became my soulmate. Part of the reason I hated Liam was that the

[00:10:14] way we expressed love was too similar. I need quality time and attention and he needed quality

[00:10:20] time and affection. There's no limit to the amount of time we want to spend with loved

[00:10:25] ones. Dave was an introvert who valued time alone. When it was Dave in the middle, I felt

[00:10:31] as though Liam was stealing my limited time with him. Now it feels nice to have a partner

[00:10:36] that values and expresses the same kind of love. We are around each other constantly.

[00:10:42] Liam needs at least an uninterrupted hour a day and more on weekends with my attention

[00:10:47] solely on him. We could spend entire days just snuggling and kissing. We have an equal

[00:10:52] partnership. I do take on more of the mental load in terms of finances, investments, doctor's

[00:10:57] appointments etc. But Liam acknowledges that and takes more of the physical load. He insists

[00:11:03] that I do more while I think he does. I'm not saying either of us are perfect or that

[00:11:08] our relationship but I am very happy with my lot in life.

[00:11:14] And I think it's fair to say there was a lot of back and forth in the comments on this

[00:11:18] one. Some people saying you know there was a lot of bad decision making here and you

[00:11:22] know trying to get revenge in the first place was a bad decision. Other people saying that

[00:11:27] it's worked out well in the end and you know life is full of ups and downs and it's turning

[00:11:32] out positive. But what's your thoughts on this situation? Let me know your thoughts

[00:11:39] down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

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[00:12:49] Now the next one, the next title is one that we've seen a fair amount of but it's from

[00:12:54] Not Sure What To Do PA who says, started swinging to save our marriage three years later and

[00:13:00] I'm miserable. My wife, 35 female and I, 33 male have been together for 10 years and have

[00:13:07] five kids together. We started out as strictly monogamous relationship but as time went on

[00:13:13] she made passing comments indicating she'd be interested in an open relationship and

[00:13:18] each of us having the freedom to play with others. In hindsight I don't think I realized

[00:13:22] how serious she was about wanting to do that. About three years ago I noticed she began

[00:13:27] showing some telltale signs that something was going on, always putting her phone face

[00:13:33] down, turning away from me when texting etc. Long story short, there was a guy at work

[00:13:38] she started hardcore flirting with and was trying to hide it. She even had his contact

[00:13:43] saved in her phone under a different name, hoping I wouldn't notice. I knew something

[00:13:49] was up and called her out on it and she came clean but insisted it was just flirting and

[00:13:54] nothing had ever happened, which I believe her on. A few weeks later she wrote me a letter

[00:13:59] telling me she was leaving me, not because of this guy specifically but because she was

[00:14:04] worried she would cheat on me eventually as she always had a desire for variety. She assured

[00:14:10] me it had nothing to do with me or enjoying sex with me, we still were having an amazing

[00:14:14] sex quite often. For her it made more sense to end the marriage instead of hurting me

[00:14:19] over and over by cheating. I respected her approach at this point as she obviously did

[00:14:25] care enough to tell me her true feelings. This woman is the love of my life and the

[00:14:29] mother of my children and I really wanted to save our marriage. On a whim I suggested

[00:14:35] the open marriage as long as we agree on a set of rules and stay completely honest

[00:14:39] with each other. She agreed and we tore the letter up. In my mind it's not what I wanted

[00:14:45] but I thought we should at least give it a shot.

[00:14:48] Swing in initially. After writing down the rules we agreed on, see rules below, we started

[00:14:54] going to a few swinger parties and a couple of dates with other couples. We eventually

[00:14:59] decided we both liked it better if we had our own play friends and we played separately

[00:15:03] from each other, i.e. not same room playing. She would go out with a friend one night and

[00:15:08] I might go out another night. Initially it was just her who was going out but I could

[00:15:13] tell it was starting to bother her that I wasn't doing the same so I made a couple of new friend

[00:15:18] with benefits. During all of this I secretly was hoping that she would have a few experience

[00:15:23] and realize in the end she would just want me but it was not the case. Also I found out

[00:15:29] that a few times I would go out with my friends with benefits, I wasn't really enjoying myself.

[00:15:34] Shortly after this I decided I was going to stop swinging and it would just be something

[00:15:38] she would do. Our rules in case anyone was curious. No sleeping over. Honesty, each partner

[00:15:47] will know ahead of time if there are plans to play with someone else. Just sex, not looking

[00:15:52] for polyamorous relationships. Must use protection. We take care of each other's needs before

[00:15:59] our friends meaning we shouldn't be playing with friends more than we are playing with

[00:16:03] each other.

[00:16:05] Three years later. Now three years later we have gone through several long periods of time

[00:16:10] where she has had no desire to swing. Those times have been great while they lasted but

[00:16:15] as of a few weeks ago she has found a new friend with benefits. They are actually together

[00:16:21] right now in our home, kids are at school and I'm sitting here at work trying to figure

[00:16:25] out how I can keep doing this. I want her to be happy but I want to be happy too. To

[00:16:32] my wife's credit during this whole time she was always super open with me. Anytime she

[00:16:37] found a new friend she told me right away. She would tell me up front if she was trying

[00:16:41] to make plans to play. I was also very open with her about my feelings through all of this.

[00:16:47] That I wasn't enjoying it like I thought I would, that I was having some jealousy issues

[00:16:52] especially during the time they were together. I was sitting at home with my thoughts or at

[00:16:56] work with my thoughts like I am right now. We talked multiple times about this but in

[00:17:01] the end it came back to her wanting to do this to be happy. I know that if I demand she

[00:17:06] stop she is just going to leave again. I'm not sure what the best path is at this point.

[00:17:12] As I mentioned above we do have an open line of communication about everything she's just

[00:17:17] not willing to give it up. I want to be happy but I don't want to lose her both for my

[00:17:22] sake and for the kids. Looking for some suggestions as I can't continue to sit here and cry

[00:17:28] at work like a dope.

[00:17:30] Edit. Some are pointing out correctly that although we started this off as swinging and

[00:17:35] going to swingers parties it evolved into an open relationship. My apologies if I posted

[00:17:40] this in the wrong sub I couldn't find an active sub that seemed more appropriate.

[00:17:45] So there was a comment that was talking about you know sort of love and happiness for everyone

[00:17:50] involved including Opie and Opie responded to it saying it is difficult and believe it

[00:17:54] or not I'm not upset with her at all. Aside from the very beginnings of this she has been

[00:17:59] open and honest the whole time since we agreed on this. I want to be happy for her and try

[00:18:05] to be happy for her. I definitely get the appeal of the variety aspect and there's

[00:18:09] the added bonus that she's typically more worked up for me than normal which I love.

[00:18:14] In the last two weeks of her chatting and meeting this new guy we've had sex at least

[00:18:18] once a day which I love. I want to work on being okay with this. Truthfully it's probably

[00:18:23] been a year since she played with anyone else and all the original emotions came back so

[00:18:27] fast.

[00:18:28] Edit. She started swinging to save our marriage.

[00:18:32] And then says that's all I needed to hear. I did read the rest though.

[00:18:37] She started swinging to save our marriage. You didn't start swinging to save your marriage

[00:18:41] as much as you gave into her demands. You obviously have no desire to swing. Sadly you

[00:18:46] fell into a trap a lot of spouses have and it's a shame you didn't ask about it before

[00:18:50] you started. Right now she gets to have her cake and eat it too so to speak while you

[00:18:56] are miserable. This is all about you now. You need to have one of those sit down talks

[00:19:01] with her and tell her how you're feeling about this. It may end up she refuses to change

[00:19:06] and you need to get to pick being miserable or divorce and start healing.

[00:19:11] Randellza says I know you don't want to hear this but you have to let her know you can't

[00:19:15] do it anymore. If she isn't willing to make that sacrifice to keep you and her family

[00:19:20] together then let her go. Just remember there is a woman out there who will be happy with

[00:19:25] just you and you'll have an amazing life with her. If your wife is willing to break

[00:19:30] her family up for some side dick she really isn't worth keeping anyway is she? Anywho

[00:19:35] good luck.

[00:19:36] And Plantora says this isn't swinging, this isn't really what I think of an open relationship

[00:19:41] either. This comes closest to blackmail. Essentially if you don't let me fuck other

[00:19:46] guys then I will end this marriage and break up our family. All this talk about honesty

[00:19:51] is superfluous I guess at least she isn't being dishonest. However doing something over

[00:19:57] and over again that you know hurts someone and then telling the other person about it

[00:20:01] is not how you foster a loving relationship and at it's best shows you that she cares

[00:20:06] way more for herself than you but maybe still cares for you a little. And at it's worst

[00:20:11] is just sadistic. You are miserable and now you're stewing at work while your wife gets

[00:20:17] fucked at your home. Time to make her decide, keep the family together or let her break

[00:20:22] it up so she can have her fun. Put the decision on her so it's not you breaking up the family.

[00:20:28] I'm truly sorry this is happening to you.

[00:20:31] So a couple or so weeks later opie updates and says I've had a handful of requests for

[00:20:35] an update and a lot has happened. My wife left me on Tuesday. Based on all the advice

[00:20:41] I received here, I had another talk with my wife and poured my heart out to her about how

[00:20:45] I'm truly feeling in regards to the open relationship. Most of the things I said were

[00:20:50] things I've said before but I made it much clearer that I'm having major issues with

[00:20:54] this and not just minor annoyances. I told her I was not ready to call it quits on the

[00:20:59] marriage though. After all, we've been together 10 years and have 5 kids together and I do

[00:21:04] still love her very much. Long story short, she refused to be open to discuss any compromises

[00:21:11] and also refused to go to counseling. A couple of days after this conversation she told me

[00:21:15] she wanted out. That she hasn't been in love with me for a long time and that the only

[00:21:20] reason she was still with me was because the swinging made it manageable for her to stay.

[00:21:25] She said a lot more also but most of it hurtful but I think I've expressed her point pretty

[00:21:29] clearly and don't need to go into excruciating detail. Now I know what some of you are thinking,

[00:21:35] this is exactly what I needed. I needed to be out of this toxic relationship. Even though

[00:21:40] I know this is true, god damn it this hurts. I haven't spent all week crying, went to counseling

[00:21:47] by myself. I know it's for the best but I keep thinking about all the years we've

[00:21:51] been together. Remembering the old times, our first date, when I proposed, the birth

[00:21:56] of our first daughter. God damn it this sucks. To top all this off, she tells me today,

[00:22:02] while I'd be interested in being play friends with you, we can have some fun occasionally.

[00:22:08] Fuck no. I'm just rambling now so I'll wrap it up. I know in the end I will be in

[00:22:13] a better place but it's hard to see how just yet. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice

[00:22:18] and yes I realize at this point this is probably more appropriate in relationships due to the

[00:22:23] breakup and such but I figured that here it are swinging and wanted to finish it here.

[00:22:28] And like you said, of course it's going to hurt but like you also said it is going

[00:22:33] to be the best thing for you in the end. Sat there crying at work when you know she has

[00:22:40] no intention of changing whatsoever. It's just sunk cost fallacy in the end isn't

[00:22:46] it? But whatever happens going forward, I hope you find some peace. I hope you find

[00:22:51] someone that truly loves you like you love them back. You deserve that in your life.

[00:22:56] But Margot says to AP, wow, best wishes my man. Keep going to counselling by yourself.

[00:23:02] Need a help. I know it hurts like absolute hell but there's a life on the other end

[00:23:06] of this I promise. It's some stuff I know you don't want to hear. Your ex acted horribly

[00:23:11] irresponsible, selfish, mean spirited, tone deaf, heartless, cruel, manipulative and

[00:23:17] ugh it upsets me just thinking about it. You're going to be better off without her and as much

[00:23:22] as it hurts to say, your kids are going to be better off with less of her if this is the

[00:23:26] type of person she is. It's unreal that people can go on so long being such a shell

[00:23:32] of a person to someone who's being so real to them. Stay strong redditor, you're going

[00:23:37] to be better off. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make

[00:23:42] of this situation? It's one of the ones that you see a title and you think, oh it's not

[00:23:47] going to be good. But in some ways and you know, I know it's easy for me to say sat behind

[00:23:51] the microphone, OP is dealing with all the, you know, the fallout of this. So it is very

[00:23:55] easy for me to say but it is the best situation for OP in the end I think. But what do you

[00:24:01] guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and hopefully

[00:24:06] I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.