My Fiance's Family Is Toxic And It's Ruining Us r/Relationships

[00:00:00] Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those owners to your contracts they said

[00:00:30] Hey, hey, WaffleGang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider? And I like to subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story which comes from ThrowawayNoFamily21 from the True Off My Chest subreddit. And says, I broke up with my fiancee because

[00:00:59] of his family. I don't think I can marry him because of his family. I know people will say that I am crazy, but my gut tells me that I am right. This was supposed to be the first time I am meeting his parents. He has two sisters, mom and dad. I was excited to meet my future in-laws, but it shattered.

[00:01:19] Two days ago I met his family. Some things about them just didn't sit right with me. His mom is very possessive about him, like the first thing she said when she saw me was, so you're the lady that keeps my son busy.

[00:01:33] I know it sounds like a joke, but she said it in a condescending tone. Throughout the entire gathering she was trying to avoid me. She would get irritated whenever I got closer to my fiancee.

[00:01:44] She made one very mean comment when I asked her for a piece of pie she made. She said, I will not be able to fit in my dress if I eat any more of it.

[00:01:53] She deliberately made me sit far away from him so that she could sit beside him. I know she didn't like me, but I tolerated that.

[00:02:01] But she was way too harsh on our oldest daughter. She keeps making comments like, when are you getting married? If she still can't get over Ben, a brother-in-law, the thing is, mere oldest daughter, I don't know what I'm saying.

[00:02:13] My oldest daughter used to date Ben until he dumped her, but be with the younger sister. Jen isn't very nice either.

[00:02:21] She was mean to Mia and kept bugging her to get a husband. Mia is 33. I don't think she needs to rush.

[00:02:29] Jen also didn't like me because she made some snide remarks about my upbringing. I grew up in an abusive household.

[00:02:35] I had to struggle a lot where as my fiance came from a well-to-do family. His dad didn't speak much.

[00:02:42] He didn't say anything and just nodded. The only normal person there was Mia because she just kept to herself.

[00:02:48] But nonetheless, I did not feel very welcomed by them. I just had this gut feeling that if I get married, this will be my whole life.

[00:02:56] I'd always have to be in competition with his mother. But he was so nice and sweet. I never felt so in love with anyone like I did with him.

[00:03:05] He brings me flowers, he takes care of me, he treats me like a queen, but I do not like his family at all.

[00:03:13] I broke it off with him. He was understandably sad. He asked for a reason. I just told him I didn't feel good about our relationship that we are not compatible.

[00:03:23] There were tears but I left. Now I'm sitting in my aunt's house writing this.

[00:03:28] One moment I felt like calling him and telling him, I'd call feet. We are perfect together. We earn well, we have similar hobbies and we are sexually compatible.

[00:03:38] But this one thing about him just bugs me a lot. I am heartbroken. I know I don't deserve to be because I was the one who called it off.

[00:03:46] One of the first things that jumped out to me was two years to initially meet his family for the first time. I found that a bit weird.

[00:03:53] I don't know if people were going to say no, that's not weird but it felt weird to me.

[00:03:57] I think putting myself in your situation, I think I'd have to tell him the reason why.

[00:04:03] In some ways he deserves to know even if the relationship is completely over and at least it's almost like a lesson learned.

[00:04:11] But sporty lady says you should tell him. I don't think it'd change anything but after two years in an engagement, I think it's justified.

[00:04:20] I think the concerning thing about this whole situation is he said his mum is like this with everyone.

[00:04:26] Folks hold. He sees the way his sister Mir is treated and knows the situation with her cheating.

[00:04:31] Still sees his mum treat his sister horribly. Dad sits off to the side.

[00:04:36] He's used to the abuse and as long as it's not directed at someone else, he's content.

[00:04:40] I know after reading so many posts about toxic in-laws, I'm flabbergasted by how individuals that are on the toxic side can't come to terms with how wrong it is sooner.

[00:04:50] After so long and folks being around other families and living a grown up life can't accept what's in front of them when a partner is treated like shit.

[00:04:58] Bill contribution replies that says when you're not the target of abuse, even when you love the target.

[00:05:04] It can be very difficult to sacrifice yourself into the crosshairs and become a target.

[00:05:09] Plus you may not stop the abuse from the original target.

[00:05:12] Often that abuse ramps up because the abuse risk mad that anyone dares to suggest their behavior is wrong and now you and the original target are both abused.

[00:05:22] In order to reply to that one's end seconded, additionally people who grow up in emotionally abusive homes, source I did, see other normal families as weird.

[00:05:31] Even after years of therapy my normal and a healthy normal are vastly different.

[00:05:37] My SO grew up in a loving home but they're allowed to go to the doctor when they got hurt.

[00:05:41] It loves his family but it still gets me a bit on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak.

[00:05:46] Been two years. There is no other shoe.

[00:05:50] They're just genuinely good people. They have their issue sure but nothing like my side of the family.

[00:05:56] And again, this is after years of therapy.

[00:05:59] People who can think they're emotionally abusive family is normal and haven't been to therapy.

[00:06:04] You can absolutely see them defending their family instead of their loved one because as my mother used to say,

[00:06:11] Do you have to have their back?

[00:06:13] Yeah.

[00:06:14] And I totally get those comments and was thinking something similar myself.

[00:06:18] I was thinking about a family that most of them know when I was growing up, still were there to this day.

[00:06:22] And there's all sorts of issues going on with this family and one minute they're all like,

[00:06:28] Oh but we're a family, we've got to stick together.

[00:06:30] I usually call them the mafia family.

[00:06:32] But behind the scenes, they're all targeted at each other and being abusive towards one another as well

[00:06:38] because that's their normal basically.

[00:06:41] And it's not an excuse to be shit but that's just sort of the way it is.

[00:06:45] Lylec Rosa says, why did it take two years for him to introduce you to his family?

[00:06:50] That sounds suspicious. Like he knew no one would want a day to go with a mother like that.

[00:06:54] But I didn't know why you dumped him.

[00:06:57] I hope he says, I don't know.

[00:06:59] I did ask him that I wanted to meet his family but he said that he always had something in mind.

[00:07:03] He told me his family has problems ever since his younger sister got married.

[00:07:08] Those two years we were dating his family had a rough patch.

[00:07:11] He told me that he didn't want me to meet his parents in such a crucial stage.

[00:07:15] He'd run the rosy replies to that and says, trust me, he knows his family has problems

[00:07:20] and embarrassed to take you to them until he can't avoid it.

[00:07:23] He doesn't really love them but feels obligated to say he does or else his mom will bully him.

[00:07:29] Be honest to him how you really feel.

[00:07:31] You might start opening up to you and you never know maybe you and Mia could bond together.

[00:07:36] Sometimes having people on the same team can make a huge difference.

[00:07:39] That's when people start to feel comfortable and stand up for themselves.

[00:07:43] That applies to your fiancé as well.

[00:07:46] And one more comment from adventurous sand who says,

[00:07:49] did you try and talk to him about his family?

[00:07:51] If not you honestly aren't ready for marriage.

[00:07:54] My in-laws are not great at all but they've tackled the issue together.

[00:07:58] We all can support one another.

[00:08:00] If you're a team you can survive toxic in-laws.

[00:08:03] Even with amazing in-laws there will be other challenges.

[00:08:06] If you can't openly and honestly talk with your spouse, there will be issues in your marriage.

[00:08:10] Hope he says I did right after coming home.

[00:08:13] I told him how I felt.

[00:08:15] He just told me that his mum is like this to everyone.

[00:08:18] She likes to poke fun at people.

[00:08:20] He said that I should meet them more but honestly I don't think I can handle it.

[00:08:24] Don't...

[00:08:25] Hope he comes in with their first of two updates and says,

[00:08:29] I just talked with sister Mia on the phone.

[00:08:32] It was a surprise to me that she wanted to talk.

[00:08:34] She got the news of us breaking up and asked if we could talk on the phone and I agreed.

[00:08:39] I was desperate to hear any news from him.

[00:08:42] We talked for like an hour or so.

[00:08:44] It was mostly her telling me how her family was toxic.

[00:08:47] And I made the right decision because her mum had a weird obsession with her baby boy.

[00:08:51] Also she doesn't know why she is the black sheep of her family.

[00:08:54] She was not adopted nor was she in a fair child.

[00:08:57] She also mentioned her mother was a bit of a racist because of where I came from.

[00:09:02] Overall that day she wanted to warn me.

[00:09:04] I asked why my ex doesn't treat her right.

[00:09:07] She said my ex is in delusion that it's a picture perfect home but doesn't realise how toxic his mother is.

[00:09:13] She did bring it up with him and he just said they are a family.

[00:09:17] So family shouldn't hold grudges.

[00:09:19] Honestly, I felt bad for her.

[00:09:21] She also said she'd be going no contact with her family.

[00:09:24] She thought she could salvage their relationship and let them be a part of her life but she decided she doesn't want that.

[00:09:30] She also shared some personal information about her relationship status and future.

[00:09:35] But I do not want to share that.

[00:09:37] It's not my place to share it.

[00:09:39] But she told me to meet him and tell him the truth.

[00:09:42] He deserves to know why I don't want to be a part of his family.

[00:09:45] He needs to hear the truth.

[00:09:47] I'll be meeting with him tomorrow and yeah, as a lot of you guys requested or given update to you guys.

[00:09:53] Second update.

[00:09:55] I tried to update but it got removed so to those who it may concern.

[00:10:00] Hello guys, I promised I'd come back with an update.

[00:10:03] I did it.

[00:10:04] I finally talked to him.

[00:10:06] I told him everything that I mentioned in the post and also about my feelings for his family.

[00:10:10] Especially how they treated me or.

[00:10:12] He's less to say he was upset.

[00:10:14] He tried to convince me this is all in my head.

[00:10:17] I shouldn't throw away our relationship because of his family.

[00:10:20] His family would accept me if I become a part of it.

[00:10:23] I tried to explain things from my own perspective, but he wasn't budging.

[00:10:28] Then the topic of Mia came.

[00:10:30] He said to Zunfair that even his sister is abandoning the family.

[00:10:33] He mentioned Mia's big news and she said she doesn't want to be a part of their family.

[00:10:38] I told him I knew about it because I talked to Mia.

[00:10:41] I seemed to upset him even more.

[00:10:43] He has pissed that Mia shared her news to me before its family.

[00:10:47] I got angry and told him this is exactly why I do not want to be a part of his family.

[00:10:52] A mother has made racist comments to me from half Bengali.

[00:10:56] His mother treated me like an outsider and didn't make me feel welcome.

[00:11:00] His family is very toxic.

[00:11:02] I grew up in a toxic family.

[00:11:04] I don't want to die in one.

[00:11:06] Maybe someday he'll find a woman his mother approves of, but that woman is not me.

[00:11:11] We had a big fight.

[00:11:13] He was obviously defending his family.

[00:11:15] He was not willing to listen to what I had to say.

[00:11:18] Overall, he was very dismissive.

[00:11:20] We ended our conversation in a very bad note.

[00:11:24] I'm sad about it.

[00:11:25] Aside from his family drama, he was a good guy but I don't think I can handle his family.

[00:11:31] Because you don't just marry one person.

[00:11:33] You marry their entire family.

[00:11:35] It didn't even bother to know me at all.

[00:11:37] So that's the update.

[00:11:40] In global reference, I asked a question after that one said,

[00:11:43] I've been following for an update.

[00:11:45] Thanks.

[00:11:46] Just know you dodged a bullet.

[00:11:47] Also what is Mia's big news?

[00:11:49] Was she pregnant?

[00:11:50] Opie says all I can say is she's okay.

[00:11:53] She's moving on with her partner further away.

[00:11:55] And yeah, this is the part I can share but not the rest.

[00:11:59] Nonetheless, she will be happy.

[00:12:01] And when Opie said in this one, I grew up in a toxic family.

[00:12:05] I don't want to die in one of her.

[00:12:07] I play to Opie in this one.

[00:12:09] I think they're making totally the right move to get themselves out of that situation.

[00:12:13] But what do you guys make of this one?

[00:12:16] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:12:18] And let's move on to another story.

[00:12:21] Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds.

[00:12:24] Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed

[00:12:28] to raise prices due to inflation.

[00:12:30] They said yes.

[00:12:31] And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those

[00:12:34] honoris to your contracts, they said what the fuck are you talking about?

[00:12:38] You insane Hollywood ass.

[00:12:40] So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint unlimited from $30 a month

[00:12:43] to just $15 a month.

[00:12:45] Give it a try at minemobile.com slash switch.

[00:12:48] $45 up front for three months plus taxes and fees,

[00:12:50] promulary for new customers for limited time,

[00:12:51] unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month,

[00:12:52] so full turns at minemobile.com.

[00:12:57] And our next story does come with an update as well

[00:12:59] from Confident Cookie 2.4.1 from the advice subreddit and says

[00:13:03] I was invited to my twin sister surprise party as a guest

[00:13:07] and I don't know if I want to go.

[00:13:10] I am female 17 and have an identical twin sister.

[00:13:14] They're quite different when it comes to personality.

[00:13:17] She is more extroverted, always had many friends from various groups.

[00:13:21] Well, I am more introverted.

[00:13:23] I've always been geekier and prefer a smaller, closer circle of friends.

[00:13:27] I don't share many common friends except for a few from our childhood

[00:13:30] at a different school.

[00:13:32] Our birthday is next Saturday and yesterday one of my sisters friend

[00:13:36] sent me a message inviting me to my sister surprise party.

[00:13:40] I was confused because obviously we share the same birthday.

[00:13:44] So I asked if I could also celebrate mine there,

[00:13:47] inviting a few of my friends as well.

[00:13:49] She replied that the party will be held in the party hall of her building

[00:13:53] and it wasn't possible to invite everyone,

[00:13:55] but I could bring two of my friends.

[00:13:57] She laid her message saying that it would only buy one cake

[00:14:01] I could bring my own and have a separate birthday song after my sisters.

[00:14:05] Today she added me to the party's WhatsApp group,

[00:14:08] which already includes 47 people, myself included.

[00:14:13] Even though we are very different, my sister and I have a great relationship

[00:14:17] and have always dreamed of celebrating our 18th birthday together.

[00:14:20] They had plans to go out with our childhood friends to a bar in the evening

[00:14:24] and drink a lot.

[00:14:25] Today I found out that our childhood friends are also in the party group

[00:14:29] and I messaged them about our plans.

[00:14:31] They said they liked the idea of the surprise party,

[00:14:34] thought my sister would love it and I tried to get me excited about it too.

[00:14:38] Issue is, I'm not keen on the party idea.

[00:14:41] It's going to be crowded and I won't be able to spend time with my sister the way I wanted.

[00:14:46] And my come off is spoiled.

[00:14:48] I feel like an afterthought.

[00:14:50] And this is not how I want to spend my birthday.

[00:14:53] I prefer to spend it with my own group of friends

[00:14:55] but they also know that my sister would be very disappointed if I didn't attend the party.

[00:15:00] I don't want to spoil the surprise for her, so I don't want to tell what's happening.

[00:15:04] I'm going to loss about what to do.

[00:15:06] I spoke to my parents but their advice didn't help.

[00:15:09] I just don't know what to do.

[00:15:12] I swear I remember a bit of a similar story with twins and a birthday party in the invite and stuff.

[00:15:18] I'm not sure, but Alyssa says this is BS.

[00:15:21] Don't go and enjoy the time with your friends.

[00:15:24] Get screenshots of the shitty messages for when your sister is upset you didn't go.

[00:15:29] The friends will most likely lie about it.

[00:15:31] I'm surprised you and your sister haven't spoken already about birthday plans.

[00:15:35] Is there a reason?

[00:15:36] It be says we've already made plans to go to a bar without our childhood friends.

[00:15:40] My sister believes she's spending the afternoon with her friend who's planning the party

[00:15:44] and coming home to prepare for the bar.

[00:15:46] However, her friends plan to accidentally leave the birthday gift behind

[00:15:50] so they need to swing by her place to give it to my sister and then surprise.

[00:15:56] Heroes for Super says,

[00:15:57] Replying to that, what about all the people waiting at the bar?

[00:16:01] Or are they all in on it and the bar is a lie entirely?

[00:16:04] Edit to add I'm also a twin and it would be so hurt if anyone wanted to celebrate my twin and not me.

[00:16:10] It's rude degrading and just plain mean.

[00:16:13] I think it's a surprise you're on a different day if they're mostly her friends and not yours.

[00:16:17] Opie says,

[00:16:18] My friends planning the party are not my friends.

[00:16:21] Invited out childhood friends since they know they are friends with my sister.

[00:16:25] My childhood friends like the idea of the surprise party and are trying to hype me up to go to.

[00:16:30] The bar was a concrete plan until her friend planned the surprise party.

[00:16:34] It's just, with the bar,

[00:16:36] would be among friends we both like and would be celebrated equally.

[00:16:40] At the party is going to be 90% my sister's friends.

[00:16:44] I will still have my childhood friends and the two friends that they let me invite.

[00:16:48] I might sound very spoiled and mature,

[00:16:51] but I feel like I'd be an afterthought and would got at the party.

[00:16:55] It just feels very weird to me.

[00:16:58] Village and swordfish says,

[00:16:59] I'm in the minority here,

[00:17:00] but I think you should tell your sister what's going on.

[00:17:03] You said you were close and if so,

[00:17:05] she'd be just as confused and weirded out

[00:17:07] that you're not being celebrated right alongside her.

[00:17:10] It doesn't make sense to plan something like this and invite the twins sibling along after it's all said and done.

[00:17:16] I think she needs to know how these friends are behaving.

[00:17:19] If she wants to put a stop to it, she can.

[00:17:23] I'm just trying to imagine this birthday scenario with both the twins there

[00:17:28] and they're only like singing happy birthday to one with one cake

[00:17:31] and you know this other sister stood off to the side.

[00:17:34] Yeah, it is a very weird scenario.

[00:17:38] So Jovi says, I wouldn't go.

[00:17:40] It'd be different if it wasn't also your 18th birthday.

[00:17:43] If you were sisters instead of twins,

[00:17:45] I'd encourage you to get outside your comfort zone for her sake and go.

[00:17:49] But this is your day too.

[00:17:51] You only turn 18 once and while it's never the magical day movies make you idealize,

[00:17:56] it's still special.

[00:17:58] You should celebrate it doing what you want to do with your friends.

[00:18:01] You can explain to her after you were disappointed

[00:18:03] your original plans with your old friends didn't pan out

[00:18:06] and that you couldn't share the whole day with her.

[00:18:08] But that also wasn't fair to you to be an afterthought

[00:18:11] and act like it wasn't your day too.

[00:18:13] I think she'll understand and maybe you can do something together after the party.

[00:18:18] Lovely parsley says, I'm not a twin personally

[00:18:21] but if I were in your sister's position, I would want to know.

[00:18:24] I wouldn't feel right to her knowing that you aren't there to enjoy it

[00:18:27] to the same level she is.

[00:18:29] Especially if you guys could always plan to spend your 18th together.

[00:18:33] Those friends are words that I am a surprise party at Jerks

[00:18:36] and should have planned to celebrate you from the start.

[00:18:38] The only plan to celebrate her when you guys are twins is infuriating to me.

[00:18:43] If I were your sister, I'd be furious knowing they planned all that

[00:18:46] without including my twin.

[00:18:48] And one more comment from Ice who says,

[00:18:50] Where at me? I'd not go.

[00:18:52] Have a feeling they'd feel obligated to sing happy birthday to me

[00:18:56] and I'll end up feeling like an afterthought even more so.

[00:18:59] You know they would have gifts for you.

[00:19:01] It'd be all about your twin.

[00:19:03] I'd end up feeling like more of an unwanted guest.

[00:19:05] That's too awkward to stomach.

[00:19:07] I'm a feeling that if you and your sister as close as you say

[00:19:10] this is going to backfire spectacularly.

[00:19:13] I'd be livid if I found out my friends told my twin

[00:19:16] she could come to a party celebrating only one of us

[00:19:19] and told her to bring her own cake.

[00:19:21] Oh, there'd be a fly on the wall when that tidbit comes to light.

[00:19:26] O.P. comes in with her update and says,

[00:19:28] So Saturday I was feeling anxious by the birthday plans

[00:19:32] and I was crying in the kitchen.

[00:19:34] Her mum noticed and came over to comfort me.

[00:19:36] When I told her I was upset about the party,

[00:19:38] she decided to tell me the truth.

[00:19:40] The party was actually a surprise for me as well

[00:19:43] and all my friends were invited too.

[00:19:46] Yesterday I called Melissa, a friend organising the party

[00:19:49] and she confirmed what my mum had said.

[00:19:52] Melissa explained that she wanted to spend my sister's birthday

[00:19:55] with her, especially since she might be moving away for college soon.

[00:19:59] She knew we had plans to celebrate our birthday

[00:20:01] with each other and our childhood friends,

[00:20:03] who are our only mutual friends.

[00:20:06] So she had the idea to arrange a surprise party with everyone,

[00:20:09] including my friends.

[00:20:11] She told this idea to our childhood friends,

[00:20:13] my friends and my parents and they all approved.

[00:20:16] Melissa had already figured out how to get my sister to the party.

[00:20:20] She's going to spend the afternoon with her

[00:20:22] and pretend she left her gift at home.

[00:20:24] But she struggled to find a way to bring me there

[00:20:26] without spoiling the surprise, since we're not friends.

[00:20:29] My solution was to make it seem like the party was only for my sister,

[00:20:33] limiting me to bringing just two friends,

[00:20:36] who would actually be in on the plan.

[00:20:38] It all made sense now, especially while our childhood friends

[00:20:41] helped me up to go to the party.

[00:20:44] She told me she didn't think things through

[00:20:46] and didn't realise how hurt I would be by this situation.

[00:20:49] She apologised for it.

[00:20:51] She thought it would be a nice surprise

[00:20:53] and he didn't want me to suspect the party was for me too.

[00:20:56] I must admit,

[00:20:57] it wasn't how I envisioned spending my 18th birthday,

[00:21:00] but I've warmed up to the idea.

[00:21:02] I'm excited now.

[00:21:04] I still find that one really weird

[00:21:06] that all these people planning this party

[00:21:09] and not one of them thought

[00:21:10] how this might come across to the OP,

[00:21:13] really really strange.

[00:21:14] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:18] What would you deal with that if it was you?

[00:21:20] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:23] That's just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:21:25] for getting involved in today's stories,

[00:21:27] your love, your support, your time.

[00:21:29] Always means the absolute world to me,

[00:21:31] so thank you so so much and hopefully I'll see you

[00:21:33] in the next one.

[00:21:35] Take care and much love.

[00:21:48] Music

[00:22:06] Acas powers the world's best podcast.

[00:22:11] Here's a show that we recommend.

[00:22:13] Hey guys, welcome to Giggly Squad,

[00:22:16] a place where we make fun of everything

[00:22:18] but most importantly ourselves.

[00:22:20] I'm Paige Desorbo, I'm Hannah Burner,

[00:22:22] and welcome to the squad.

[00:22:24] Giggly Squad started on summer house

[00:22:25] when we were giggling during inappropriate time.

[00:22:27] But of course we can't be managed.

[00:22:29] So we decided to start this podcast to continue Giggly.

[00:22:32] We will make fun of pop culture news.

[00:22:34] We're watching fashion trends,

[00:22:36] haptalks where we give advice,

[00:22:38] mental health moments,

[00:22:39] and games and guests.

[00:22:41] Listen to Giggly Squad on Acast or wherever you get your podcasts.

[00:22:46] Acast helps creators launch, grow,

[00:22:49] and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

[00:22:52] acast.com