My Fiancee Told Me Her Deceased Ex-Boyfriend Was The Love Of Her Life r/Relationships

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[00:01:06] [SPEAKER_01]: The story is titled Am I the Arsall here for telling my fiancé to get over her dead ex-boyfriend.

[00:01:13] [SPEAKER_01]: My fiancé, female 33 and I, male 36 have been together for three years.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_01]: She was with her previous boyfriend for around three years and they have two young kids together.

[00:01:25] [SPEAKER_01]: He died from an overdose two weeks ago.

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_01]: He'd been struggling with addiction off and on since before they were together.

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I've known him since childhood but wasn't close.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I can say he was a very friendly, outgoing, charismatic guy when he was clean.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_01]: He was the type of guy where if he was around you'd stand no chance with the girls because they were all interested in him.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_01]: Eventually she broke up with him due to his addiction issues but ensured that he still had a relationship with his kids.

[00:01:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Recently that's been supervised visitations at his parents house after he lost his job.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_01]: Lost his license and failed a court mandated drug testing.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I believe he made some genuine attempts to get clean.

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_01]: He was trying.

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I wanted him to succeed because I've always thought he was a good guy and his kids deserve that version of him.

[00:02:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I became the stable day-to-day father figure which I willingly took on but respected that he was their dad and that they loved him.

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Since he died she's been a mess.

[00:02:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Yesterday she stayed in bed all day before sitting outside at night crying for at least an hour.

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Today is father's day and she practically woke up crying.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I know she's not just sad that he's gone but she's sad for her kids.

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I know it was devastating for her to have to tell her two very young children that their dad was dead.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_01]: She's been moping around for two weeks crying non-stop calling off work.

[00:02:51] [SPEAKER_01]: I told her she really needs to snap out of it.

[00:02:54] [SPEAKER_01]: She told me I love him so much.

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_01]: He was the love of my life and I'll never love anyone that much.

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I guess that was a last straw for me and I told her to get over him or I'm out.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to be second in our heart after a dead guy she hasn't even been in a relationship with for years.

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_01]: She told me I'll not be an empathetic and I have no tact.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm an asshole and he was never that mean to her regardless of what was going on.

[00:03:20] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's easy to not be an asshole when you're strung out on heroin or stay drunk 24-7 and are the happy type of drunk.

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not the asshole here for telling her to get over him and that I won't stick around if she's still in love with him

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_01]: slash sees him as the love of her life slash says she won't ever love anyone else like that again.

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I really want to know if this was an asshole thing to say or ultimate him to give.

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Now for me straight away coming off of that and you know this might be a hot take

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_01]: so I'm going to be very interested in the comments on this one but if I was with someone who said

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_01]: I love him so much he was the love of my life and I'll never love anyone that much

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_01]: that would fuck me up. There's no two ways about it I know in my head that would mess me up.

[00:04:06] [SPEAKER_01]: And like I always say in stories when you lose someone grief does weird things to people

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_01]: and she may have just said that in the heat of the moment but you know that's she still said it

[00:04:16] [SPEAKER_01]: and I believe that she means it. Don't get me wrong of course it's going to hurt her

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_01]: she did love him regardless but soon as I read that line and you know I saw it was easy for me to say

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_01]: reading it but I was like no I wouldn't want to be someone's number two you know

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_01]: but the first commenter comes in and quotes saying I know she's not just sad that he's gone

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_01]: but she's sad for her kids I know it was devastating for her to have to tell her two

[00:04:42] [SPEAKER_01]: very young children that their dad was dead and then says I'll be honest with you

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I was leaning heavily to her side after reading this because it's true

[00:04:51] [SPEAKER_01]: kids that age can't understand and dealing with the genuine questions from the kids would be heart breaking

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_01]: especially after having been only two weeks and quotes again saying she told me

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I love him so much he was the love of my life and I'll never love anyone that much

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_01]: commenter continues but then I read that probably an utterance without thinking about it

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_01]: probably an emotional outburst but I'm 100% certain it's honest

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_01]: that right there is the game changer let's recognize the truth here

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_01]: you are only ever going to be a placeholder for the chance you could get back with him

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_01]: if he got clean she had a dropped your arse and gone back

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_01]: find someone on her side of the family dependable enough to ensure the kids are okay

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_01]: and then get out don't ever settle for being second best in love

[00:05:38] [SPEAKER_01]: unless it's the children you've chosen to raise as your own be they yours or not

[00:05:43] [SPEAKER_01]: end the relationship cleanly and quickly legally if necessary but get out

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_01]: get away and get on with your life not the arse off

[00:05:52] [SPEAKER_01]: best of luck my friend

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie responded saying I'm certain she would be an honest too

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_01]: she hadn't even tried to backtrack or deny it before she actually said it with words

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I found that repeatedly kissing his picture and this bracelet he gave her

[00:06:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry that's just too much for me laying in bed with his picture kissing it over and over

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_01]: play headed quotes the section about I love him so much again then says

[00:06:15] [SPEAKER_01]: you know where you stand now if you didn't already

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_01]: not the arse or but unless you're prepared to be her eternal plan B

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_01]: it's time to leave yes

[00:06:25] [SPEAKER_01]: staying knowing she settled for you must be heartbreaking

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_01]: apologize for your lack of empathy and tell her that despite this the knowledge

[00:06:32] [SPEAKER_01]: she settled for you is not something you can live with

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie responded saying has left me wondering if she was in love with him this whole time

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_01]: and only with me for the sake of stability for her and her kids

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_01]: this is the first time she said any of this out loud to me

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I was sure she loved him at one point

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_01]: her Facebook is still filled with post after post talking about how much she loves him

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_01]: and she never posted anything like that about me

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_01]: totally childish to bring up Facebook posts I know

[00:07:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I just wouldn't leave a bunch of post extolling my love for an ex-girlfriend up there

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_01]: after I've broken up with them and was in a new relationship

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_01]: not that I ever made near daily posts about my love for somebody like she did

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_01]: next comment is says absolutely

[00:07:14] [SPEAKER_01]: when you take some time and start looking back at the relationship

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure you will see signs of that that you previously ignored

[00:07:21] [SPEAKER_01]: Opie responds saying like all of the sexual things I found out she did with him

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I found that out through somebody else

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't ask for that info

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_01]: she never told me

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I've never been one to be too concerned with body counts or a woman's sexual past

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I think men who get hung up on those things are laughable

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_01]: but hearing some of the things that was definitely a shocker

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_01]: just a different person than I know

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_01]: and sounds like a totally different type of sexual relationship

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_01]: looking it through my current lens

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_01]: it now makes sense if what she said about her feelings is true

[00:07:53] [SPEAKER_01]: we have sex but looking it from my current lens

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_01]: there's not much passion, excitement or adventure in that area

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_01]: and she has never seemed receptive to my attempts to incorporate those things into our sex life

[00:08:05] [SPEAKER_01]: I figured that was just how she was

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_01]: vanilla

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_01]: I respected that

[00:08:10] [SPEAKER_01]: still always enjoyed it

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_01]: now I fear she's not really that way

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_01]: but it's just a reflection of her feelings towards me

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_01]: or maybe I'm just coming from a place of major insecurity and jealousy after what she said

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_01]: which I can acknowledge could be true

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_01]: the OP came in with an update and said

[00:08:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm shocked by the amount of responses my original post received

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_01]: there are more comments and DMs that I could ever respond to

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm still not sure if the consensus was that I was the arsehole or not

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: although the post said that it was not the arsehole

[00:08:40] [SPEAKER_01]: but doesn't really matter

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_01]: it ended up just being more useful for me to vent in a way I didn't know I needed to

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I honestly don't know if this can be a long term relationship for me moving forward

[00:08:51] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to do my best to be understanding and supportive to a degree

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_01]: I've decided to try and help her connect with a grief counselor or maybe a therapist in general

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_01]: and see how willing she is to work through all of this

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I hope she's willing for herself and her kids

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I also didn't expect her to get over everything overnight

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_01]: but she's going to have to work with me to try and function a little bit

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_01]: if she continues to behave the way she does about his death

[00:09:16] [SPEAKER_01]: without making any efforts to help herself deal with it

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I won't sit around forever

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I calmly asked her if she meant what she said about him being in the love of her life

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_01]: and being in love with him present tense

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_01]: I need to know because that's only fair to me

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_01]: if it's the truth then we need to slow this thing down

[00:09:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't say end it, just slow down

[00:09:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I can accept that she can't change how she feels

[00:09:40] [SPEAKER_01]: but I at least deserve for her to be honest with me

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_01]: She said she loves me

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_01]: but her love for him is different

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_01]: she's never felt love so intensely

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_01]: she was deliriously in love with him

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_01]: she's never felt that way for any other man before or since

[00:09:55] [SPEAKER_01]: and she can't guarantee that she ever will again

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_01]: it will always be her number one

[00:10:00] [SPEAKER_01]: and she knows how crazy that sounds given all of his problems

[00:10:04] [SPEAKER_01]: she said maybe being with him and dealing with his issues

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_01]: and the heartbreak has made her heart closed off now

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_01]: she doesn't think she will ever feel as happy as she felt

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_01]: at her peak happiness with him when everything was good

[00:10:16] [SPEAKER_01]: they were supposed to get married

[00:10:17] [SPEAKER_01]: the person she experienced the most intimate things in life with is dead

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_01]: she asked if I was going to accuse her of cheating on me with him next

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I told her I wasn't going to accuse her of that

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_01]: I seriously never had any suspicions of that

[00:10:32] [SPEAKER_01]: she doesn't believe me

[00:10:33] [SPEAKER_01]: she says she can tell that's what I'm thinking

[00:10:36] [SPEAKER_01]: then she said the honest truth was that one time she did walk with him and hold hands

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_01]: and kissed him and told him she loved him

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_01]: that was two years ago when she was out of the street fair with friends

[00:10:47] [SPEAKER_01]: he was there with his friends

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_01]: they spent time together reminiscing about when they were together and happy

[00:10:53] [SPEAKER_01]: she claims that's as far as it went

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_01]: and it was still very much understood in that moment

[00:10:58] [SPEAKER_01]: that they couldn't be together

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_01]: she claims to be happy with her life and with me

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_01]: but she doesn't know if she can get over his death

[00:11:05] [SPEAKER_01]: and if I can't accept that

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I should just leave

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_01]: he will always be her special person and she will always be his special person

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_01]: and they were supposed to be together

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_01]: she can't stop replaying what might have been his last moments in her head

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_01]: she blames herself because she worries there might have been a correlation between our engagement just weeks prior

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_01]: she ran to the front door and said

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_01]: he was standing in this exact spot perfectly alive two days before he died

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_01]: to clarify

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER_01]: he was at our house briefly to drop their kids off after a scheduled visitation time

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I was there

[00:11:36] [SPEAKER_01]: he stood in the doorway talking for a few minutes

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_01]: nothing else happened

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_01]: she also believes there's some way for her to turn back time and prevent it

[00:11:44] [SPEAKER_01]: and can't accept that there's no way to go back in time

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I chose to remain largely silent

[00:11:50] [SPEAKER_01]: not out of cruelty but I didn't want to say anything that I might regret

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_01]: I spoke out of anger last time and I couldn't quite find the right way to say anything nice or comforting

[00:11:59] [SPEAKER_01]: so I remained largely silent as she let all of this out

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I told her I appreciated her honesty

[00:12:06] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm very hurt by what she said

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_01]: it makes me feel like shit

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_01]: it makes me hate this guy

[00:12:12] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah, I feel jealous I can admit it

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_01]: however, I don't think it's an appropriate time to make any major decisions

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_01]: that's someone who cares for her

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_01]: I just want to see her be well right now

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_01]: in some of the memorial posts I read after his death

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_01]: many people were reminding others to be kind to others' experience and struggles

[00:12:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to do my best to do that for her right now

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_01]: several comments in my previous post stated something along the lines of

[00:12:37] [SPEAKER_01]: grief can make people do crazy things

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_01]: that doesn't mean I'm chalking what she said solely up to grief

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_01]: but I believe there's some truth in a sentiment about grief

[00:12:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I know there are plenty of people who will think this makes me a chump or a cuck or whatever

[00:12:51] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not going to try and change anyone's mind

[00:12:54] [SPEAKER_01]: and I probably won't be posting any further updates regarding what happens from here

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_01]: this is somebody I love that I was planning to make a life with

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_01]: so even if it doesn't end up happening

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to do my best to help her as a fellow human being right now

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure I'll screw up and say or do something that makes me able to be a jerk again

[00:13:11] [SPEAKER_01]: this is hard for me to continue to remain understanding

[00:13:14] [SPEAKER_01]: but I can't see myself just absconding from their lives overnight

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_01]: and I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_01]: so there were some top comments with replies from OP

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_01]: the first commenter said she's not ready for a relationship

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_01]: you need to cut your losses and move on

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_01]: otherwise what you are experiencing currently will be your future 100% of the time

[00:13:37] [SPEAKER_01]: and then some people were saying that she's trickle-trooping OP

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_01]: and she may admit more cheating if pressed

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_01]: OP says I didn't press it any further

[00:13:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't even going to ask her about cheating in the first place

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not sure if that's because I really never suspected anything

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_01]: or because if anything had happened I wasn't ready to hear about it right now

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think she told me to hurt me

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_01]: but she seemed happy thinking about it as she said it

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_01]: another commenter says dude everyone is giving sympathy to her

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_01]: sounds like she has support

[00:14:06] [SPEAKER_01]: you have no one looking out for you

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_01]: not even yourself

[00:14:09] [SPEAKER_01]: you are sacrificing yourself for her

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_01]: every time you talk to her about it she doubles down

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_01]: she is not going to see you differently with time

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_01]: you'll never measure up to her ex

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_01]: she cheated on you

[00:14:21] [SPEAKER_01]: pine for some other guy the entirety of your relationship

[00:14:24] [SPEAKER_01]: she regrets getting engaged to you

[00:14:26] [SPEAKER_01]: because now she thinks it's contributed to him ODing

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_01]: she is going to resent you because you're here and he's not

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_01]: hope you take some time to distance yourself and get some clarity

[00:14:36] [SPEAKER_01]: because this is never going to turn out the way you want it to

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Alonzo Collegger says honestly they aren't your kids

[00:14:43] [SPEAKER_01]: it isn't your problem

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_01]: no matter how much you feel obliged

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_01]: don't feel pressured into being their father

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_01]: especially after their real dad passing

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_01]: if you had one of your own with her it would be different

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_01]: OP responded and said the thing is

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_01]: these facts won't matter to the kids or their feelings

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_01]: it's not like I'm just their mum's boyfriend

[00:15:02] [SPEAKER_01]: they might see a few times a week

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_01]: we live together

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm there every day with her helping with homework

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_01]: going to the dance recitals

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_01]: coaching the soccer team

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I am very much family to them now

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_01]: and was planning to officially be their stepfather

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_01]: these are the things they know

[00:15:17] [SPEAKER_01]: and it'd be incredibly cruel to suddenly leave

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_01]: especially in this moment

[00:15:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm an adult

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_01]: my dad didn't just die suddenly

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_01]: my mum isn't so stuck in her grief that she can barely function

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I can stick things out

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_01]: in their best interest for now

[00:15:31] [SPEAKER_01]: and I agree with that top comment on that update

[00:15:34] [SPEAKER_01]: that she's not ready for a relationship

[00:15:38] [SPEAKER_01]: the difficult thing that I find is

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_01]: the kids involved here

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_01]: OP does have a relationship with these children

[00:15:45] [SPEAKER_01]: it's never going to get easier

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_01]: it's always going to get more difficult

[00:15:48] [SPEAKER_01]: the longer he hangs around

[00:15:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and he's going to need to tear off that bandaid at some point

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_01]: and I kind of felt like he's doing a lot of this

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_01]: for the kids

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_01]: that when he leaves

[00:15:57] [SPEAKER_01]: she might spiral

[00:15:59] [SPEAKER_01]: and he doesn't want that for the children

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_01]: and these kids will be grieving themselves

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_01]: they just lost their father

[00:16:04] [SPEAKER_01]: and then another father figure walk out of their life

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_01]: aw man

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_01]: so so messy

[00:16:09] [SPEAKER_01]: but in the end

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I think that OP needs to talk to some people

[00:16:13] [SPEAKER_01]: close to her

[00:16:14] [SPEAKER_01]: to get the support she needs

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_01]: and I hate saying it

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_01]: because of the children involved in this

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I don't blame OP for separating from her at all

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_01]: it's just the kids involved

[00:16:23] [SPEAKER_01]: I know he's set himself on fire to keep other people warm

[00:16:26] [SPEAKER_01]: but if he talks to other people

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_01]: to get the support to her

[00:16:29] [SPEAKER_01]: so the kids are safe as possible

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_01]: and then getting himself out of that situation

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_01]: because unless she gets professional help

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I can't see her changing anytime soon

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_01]: but now

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to turn this one to you guys

[00:16:41] [SPEAKER_01]: what do you guys make of that situation?

[00:16:44] [SPEAKER_01]: would you take yourself out of it

[00:16:45] [SPEAKER_01]: immediately

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_01]: would you hang around potentially for the kids' sake?

[00:16:50] [SPEAKER_01]: that's what I kind of feel like OP was doing a bit

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_01]: would you tackle it in a different way

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_01]: let us know your thoughts down

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_01]: in the comments below

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_01]: and let's move on to another story

[00:17:01] so

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_01]: our next story comes from the M.I.TheArsoul

[00:17:03] [SPEAKER_01]: so I read it from IC stable 9441

[00:17:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and says M.I.TheArsoul for walking away

[00:17:09] [SPEAKER_01]: from my father-in-law's wife

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_01]: after she spoke negatively

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_01]: about my wife during my sister-in-law's wedding

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_01]: my wife's younger sister got married three weeks ago

[00:17:20] [SPEAKER_01]: for the wedding my wife filled the role

[00:17:22] [SPEAKER_01]: that should have been filled by their mum

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_01]: but she passed away when my wife was a teenager

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_01]: and her siblings were younger again

[00:17:28] [SPEAKER_01]: and my wife stepped up as the family mum

[00:17:31] [SPEAKER_01]: it ruined her relationship with her dad in the process

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_01]: because she had to mother him as well

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_01]: and had to take care of the family

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_01]: she wanted him to be a better dad than that

[00:17:40] [SPEAKER_01]: but he was not capable at the time

[00:17:42] [SPEAKER_01]: to this day things are strained

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_01]: my wife's siblings lived with her for a period of time

[00:17:47] [SPEAKER_01]: after she left as well

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_01]: there is some conflict about this

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_01]: because after my wife turned 18 and moved out

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_01]: her dad got remarried

[00:17:55] [SPEAKER_01]: there has always been a tension between

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_01]: my wife and father-in-law's wife

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_01]: over the role my wife plays

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_01]: and the role father-in-law's wife wanted to play

[00:18:04] [SPEAKER_01]: my wife's younger siblings did not end up

[00:18:07] [SPEAKER_01]: looking to father-in-law's wife as a maternal figure

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_01]: and instead continued looking to my wife

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_01]: this is something we all know bothers

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_01]: father-in-law's wife at least to some degree

[00:18:18] [SPEAKER_01]: this is why my sister-in-law's decision to have my wife

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_01]: fill the role on her wedding day

[00:18:23] [SPEAKER_01]: brought forth some comments from father-in-law's wife

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_01]: it was more about the tradition they do in their family

[00:18:29] [SPEAKER_01]: which may or may not be related to a cultural thing

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_01]: in their mum's family

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_01]: but their family always had the bride spend the night before

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_01]: and ride up until the wedding with her mum

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_01]: they didn't leave each other's side

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_01]: and they help each other get ready together

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_01]: my wife did this with her sister

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_01]: father-in-law's wife wanted to be a part of this

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_01]: she was upset previously when my wife didn't invite her

[00:18:52] [SPEAKER_01]: to do it for our wedding

[00:18:53] [SPEAKER_01]: but it was a bigger deal with sister-in-law

[00:18:55] [SPEAKER_01]: because they lived together for 6 to 7 years

[00:18:59] [SPEAKER_01]: father-in-law's wife found me during an in-between moment

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_01]: and she told me my wife must be so happy

[00:19:04] [SPEAKER_01]: she got to keep her out of yet another one of the weddings

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_01]: and how smug my wife must have been

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_01]: that she wasn't thought of enough to be invited in

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_01]: alongside the two sisters

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_01]: and was basically a plus one and nothing more

[00:19:16] [SPEAKER_01]: I told her I did not appreciate her talking about my wife in that way

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_01]: and she started to make another comment

[00:19:22] [SPEAKER_01]: so I walked away from her without saying another word

[00:19:24] [SPEAKER_01]: she stood on that for the rest of the wedding

[00:19:27] [SPEAKER_01]: and days later brought it up to my in-laws

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_01]: and demanded an apology from me

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_01]: my wife told her I did not owe her an apology

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_01]: for walking away in the way in which I did

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I, the arsehole

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_01]: you dealt with that in a pretty calm way in my opinion

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_01]: and probably the best way to not create any additional drama

[00:19:45] [SPEAKER_01]: although with someone like that

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_01]: they will always create drama in which they did

[00:19:49] [SPEAKER_01]: demanding an apology for you walking away

[00:19:51] [SPEAKER_01]: while they were insulting your wife

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_01]: what fucking planet are they from?

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01]: but royally, Oki says not the arsehole

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_01]: frankly you're a lot kinder and classier than most people would have been

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I would have given her a two-word response

[00:20:04] [SPEAKER_01]: wish her luck on that apology

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_01]: exquisite boobs says not the arsehole

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I walked away because I didn't want to tell you to fuck off

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_01]: I suspect you would have started screeching if I did

[00:20:16] [SPEAKER_01]: and I didn't want you to ruin the wedding day

[00:20:18] [SPEAKER_01]: one more comment from archetyping who says not the arsehole

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_01]: your wife agrees with you so you're good

[00:20:23] [SPEAKER_01]: mother-in-law has an issue with being excluded

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_01]: but this tradition was entirely up to the sister-in-law getting married

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_01]: it was her decision to exclude your mother-in-law

[00:20:32] [SPEAKER_01]: if she has an issue with it

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_01]: she should be discussing it with your sister-in-law, not you

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_01]: it feels like she's just jealous of your wife

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_01]: and blaming her for why she doesn't feel included

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I always get like the little scenarios in my head

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_01]: can you imagine that very end one where

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_01]: she was stewing on it for the rest of the wedding

[00:20:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and days later brought it up to the in-laws

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_01]: and demanding an apology

[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_01]: can you imagine that conversation

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_01]: if she was telling the truth

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_01]: and she stood there and didn't think fuck me I'm an idiot

[00:21:00] [SPEAKER_01]: like I said, if she told the truth

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_01]: and she was telling the in-laws like

[00:21:04] [SPEAKER_01]: I was having a go about his wife

[00:21:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and he just walked away from me

[00:21:08] [SPEAKER_01]: how dare he?

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I want an apology

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean what kind of bad shit logic is there?

[00:21:14] [SPEAKER_01]: anyway, what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_01]: let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_01]: they're just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:21:25] [SPEAKER_01]: for getting involved in today's stories

[00:21:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I still can't get the scenario out of my head

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_01]: I hope you have a lovely day

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_01]: and hopefully I will see you in the next one

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_01]: take care

[00:21:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm much love