My Fiancee Refuses To Tell Her Best Friend She's Engaged So I Broke Up With Her r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from VisibleBroccoli381 from the Am I the Asshole Here subreddit and says, Am I the asshole for breaking up with my fiancee for telling her best friend she was not engaged?

[00:00:32] My now ex-fiancee, 30 female and me, Mel27, got engaged three weeks ago. We've been dating for five years and I finally got the money to give her the wedding she wanted. Well, three days ago we were discussing our guest list and I asked if she wanted to invite her best friend. Let's call him James, male 30. James lives in another state but since they were friends for 10 years, I thought I could even pay for his travel expenses since it would be great to have a best friend at the wedding.

[00:01:03] She denied, saying that it would take a lot of work to bring him and she wanted to be a family event. Countless times she mentioned that James was like a family to her so I insisted. She got annoyed and said, I didn't even tell him we're engaged. That took me by surprise. I tried to ask why but she started stonewalling me and I left her alone. After a couple of hours, I tried to ask her again why

[00:01:28] she hasn't told him we were engaged and she still refused to tell me. And I admit, my insecurity got the better of me. In the past, James had confessed he had feelings for her, which she turned down and basically friendzoned him. But by the way she told me, it always sounded like she had him as a backup. Something not only me but her exes realized. She married him online. They always made wow characters,

[00:01:54] World of Warcraft, an MMO, massively multiplayer online game, to look like a couple. Like wearing the same transmog and shit like that. When she had a fight with her exes, he was always there for her, etc. I told her that made me uncomfortable and if she was not planning to tell him, she might as well consider herself single. Because I would not marry someone who couldn't be honest. Yes, I was pretty immature. But she did something even more immature. She texted him while showing me

[00:02:24] her phone. Something like, hey, just so you know, I was engaged but not anymore. And sent it to him. I told her to pack her things and leave my house. Ever since then, she's been calling me, but I refused to answer. My mum called me because she apparently called my mum and said that I was an arsehole for ending things for such a ridiculous thing. So, am I the arsehole? Edit. Hey guys,

[00:02:50] I had some dinner and I think I'm going to go with a user who's called an over 69 position and then continue saying I'm gonna ask her to meet up and ask to see their messages. And to another user, I'm already low contact with my mum. But I'm going to make my decisions after I clear everything up. So, I'm kind of promising an update. Now, as always, it may be just like the Reddit brain where I've read one too many stories talking,

[00:03:18] but like in the second paragraph where she was denied it straight away, like bringing him and saying it would take a lot of work to bring him and she only wanted it to be a family event. You know, that might actually be true, but immediately I was thinking, oh dear, this is going down that path, is it? But miserable most says not the arsehole. There is a reason she won't tell her best friend that she plans on getting married. I mean, most women think getting married is one of the biggest things in life and tells everyone she knows, unless it will put a damper of something. You know,

[00:03:48] boyfriends hate hearing their girlfriend is getting married. Wise Focus says, the night I proposed, I'm pretty sure that my wife was on the phone before I even heard a yes with as many people as she could think to call. Range Bob says, right? Mine were still naked when she started calling people. Okay, Ad says, lol, my husband and I had been to a friend's wedding earlier that day. Lying in bed watching TV later, he said, we should get married. He mentioned

[00:04:16] it before, but Renee, so I was like, yeah. Yeah, right. Okay, sure. He said, I'm going to call my mum. I realized he was 100% serious this time. He's not a mama's boy, but that's how I knew he meant it. Lol. I waited until he called her and he put her on speakerphone and then I called people. 14 years together and 10 married, one child. So I get it. Danova says, so your ex-fiancé didn't want to tell

[00:04:46] her boyfriend about you. Unless you poly sounds like a great reason to end an engagement. If you want to confirm that she was cheating, offer to meet up with her for lunch. When you get there, tell her if she wants any chance with you. She needs to unlock her phone and you read all of her messages between him and her on all media. I'm sure you'll find more than enough to confirm that leaving is the best choice. Siren says, even in a poly relationship, that's messed up, lying,

[00:05:13] and cheating. Polyamory requires honesty and transparency on each of the relationships. Danova replies in poly allows you to make rules based off of how you and your partner agree. I've known a couple of people who have had successful, don't ask, don't tell, polyamorous relationships. That is their choice in how they choose to be. That is the only time I could figure out how this could possibly be okay. That is why I put that exception. But some people who are poly don't

[00:05:41] accept, don't ask, don't tell as a viable relationship. And to that I say allow people to make their own choices on how they choose to be in a relationship the same way you would like people to allow you to choose. Personally with my 16 years experience with polyamory, I prefer kitchen table poly, but I also accept that people have different things that work for them. And one more comment from Foxy Sly, Old Stoty Fox says,

[00:06:08] You've done well to get rid of one woman who claims to love you, but fundamentally doesn't respect you and believe you should eat shit in your relationships. Sadly, you still got another woman who fits that description, your mother, and it'd be trickier to get rid of her. So, OP did come in with her update and said, Hey guys, I just got home after talking to my still ex-fiancé. And since a lot of people ask for an update, here it is. But I want to clarify a few

[00:06:35] things. As commented on my original post, I paid for the house since I bought it before dating her, and I asked her to move in, since it was close to her job. I work from home since I'm in tech, but she had to go to work. That's why I paid for her car, to help her commute, and honestly, her salary is shit. I was her partner, so I didn't see any problem with that. I thought she was the one despite everything. She is smart, funny, weird chemistry, but I felt betrayed. To the update,

[00:07:05] we met at a coffee shop on the premise we would discuss how to save our relationship. At least, that's what she thought. As soon as we sat down, I asked to see their messages. She got defensive immediately and told me she had deleted everything. I asked to see her phone anyway. She started to cry. Ugly cry. Asking me to stop. At that point, I had already decided I was not going to be a part of the relationship anymore, but damn, I was curious. It took a

[00:07:32] good 20 minutes for her to hand me her phone. A lot of crying. Even a waitress asking her if she was okay. So, I read the messages. There wasn't any cheating like nudes being exchanged, them professing their love for each other. But what I read still stunned. There was a lot of shit talking about me. A lot. Texts and texts of them saying how terrible of a person I was, criticizing my hobbies. I like video games and pro wrestling, saying I wasn't a real man because of them and stuff like that.

[00:08:02] But there were two topics that caught my eye. One where she had told him I was having trouble getting hard and that was frustrating for her. And one where she was complaining about how she didn't want to be stuck in our relationship. Yes, I was having problems in bed. Because I was sad because my father had passed away. Six months ago. And the stuck thing? I remember telling her that when we got married, if she wanted, she could leave her job. And I would provide for both of us.

[00:08:31] I don't know if she took this the wrong way, but I guess it was related to that. I honestly don't know. By the time I gave her the phone back, she was already given excuses on why she was saying how he was like a therapist for her. And then she asked me, don't you complain about me to your friends? And I simply replied, no, I don't. She started crying again. I took a pretty deep breath and just said, just give me the ring back. I didn't keep the ring with me like some suggested.

[00:09:00] She hesitated a bit but gave it to me anyway. I stood up and asked her to delete my number and not to bother me anymore. I called her mom and asked her to pick up her daughter's stuff at my place. Her mom is a good person. I'm just realizing I'm going to miss her as I write this. She didn't understand why I decided to end it, but she didn't ask much. And to be honest, I'm glad she didn't. As for my mom, I didn't call her. I just blocked her for things unrelated to

[00:09:27] this post. I just realized she never had my back in anything. I was always trying to save an already failed mom-son relationship. Before I leave, I just want to clarify I was never against her having male friends or any type of friends. People are going to cheat, friends or no friends. I remember my dad saying something to me when I was a teenager. He always said, opportunity makes the thief. But I do not agree with that. Anyway, since I have the next two weeks

[00:09:55] off work, I'm going to figure out what to do with the wedding money, drink some booze, play games and watch Monday Night Raw later. Peace. Edit. A couple of people asking about the car. It's a 2015 Nissan Versa, which she crashed two times. Both times she rear-ended someone. Never liked the car. Weak engine. The interior feels cheap and overall bad. So for all I care, she can keep that piece of shit.

[00:10:19] I'd have more luck throwing it off a cliff than selling it. Edit 2. Little update. Her mom called me a few hours ago to check on me and to ask when she could come pick up X's stuff. We spoke about the car and basically forbid me to let her daughter keep the car because 1. I paid for it. 2. X wouldn't be able to maintain it. So I'm going to keep the car until I'm able to sell it. God help me. Also,

[00:10:45] some people called the story fake because they said I wasn't a real man for playing games and yet they played WoW World of Warcraft. To be honest, that's on me because I wasn't very clear. But real man thing was more about the pro wrestling hobby than the gaming hobby. But in some messages, they clearly mocked me for playing some games. Life is Strange series. In one, I remember James saying something like, how could a grown-ass man play such a girly game and cry? Yes, I cried,

[00:11:13] playing Life is Strange. I also cried to Red Dead Redemption 2. The I'm Afraid cutscene still makes me emotional. I'm a crybaby, I guess. Also, I want to thank everyone who messaged me talking about wrestling and games. It really helped me take my mind out of everything. I haven't replied to everyone but I intend to. If anything happens, I'll let you guys know. Be good people. Drayton says, James saying you're not a real man because you play video games while simultaneously

[00:11:42] creating his WoW character to match a girl who smacked him into the friendzone backup plan option is galactic levels of cuck. It's galactic levels of cuck-fueled irony. Opie, you gave your time, effort, and money to someone who didn't deserve it. It's unfortunate but it can happen. Take some time to heal and become the best version of yourself. All the best. Quente says, and quotes, is galactic levels of cuck-fueled irony and says,

[00:12:10] ouch, that was nicely done. This girl seems to be playing with two nice guys. Probably more than that. Her ATM and her friendzone cuck. Quente replies saying, dodged a ballistic missile. She did not want to be stuck with you. Then why cry for a marriage she doesn't want? Oh, but she's going to miss the wedding. That's what she wanted. Let's see if her best friend and boyfriend can provide her with one. Oh man, there are 4 billion women in this planet.

[00:12:39] Be patient. Yours will find a way to you. But not this piece of shit. It always pisses me off when people get mocked for having emotions. I ain't afraid to admit, I lost it on Red Dead Redemption 2. I lost it at Lion King. I've only been able to watch The Lion King once and I've never been able to watch it again because of that scene. Even though I absolutely love the film, there ain't nothing wrong with showing your emotions and don't let anyone tell

[00:13:07] you otherwise. But what do you guys make of this situation? Do you think OP dodged a bullet? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from Fuck Parking from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit and says, Am I the Arsehole here for agreeing to an open relationship and sleeping with someone else?

[00:13:31] Hi Reddit. So, my girlfriend, 24 female, and I, 23 male, have been going through a very rough time lately and it all boiled over in the past few days. We've been together for three years and things were going well for the most part. We got along and would rarely fight. Even when we did, we would often both cool down and talk it out not long after. However, about two weeks ago, my girlfriend approached me and asked if I wanted to open our relationship. I was immediately shocked and I

[00:14:01] almost thought she was joking at first. She said that she really loves me and wants to be with me, but before we get more serious, she wants to get more experience. She was my first everything and she's been with two other guys. I shot down the idea and I told her I wasn't comfortable with it. She kept badgering me about it but eventually relented when she realized I wasn't budging. And that seemed like the end of it. However, a few days later, she came to me again and asked me

[00:14:29] more aggressively about it and was insinuating that we might have to take a break if we can't just try opening our relationship for a few months. Considering it was basically, we take a break or I just give her this, I relented and said we could open up the relationship. Two days later, last Friday, I got home from work and saw she was dressed up and I asked what for. She said that she was going out to a bar with her friends and she wouldn't be back until tomorrow.

[00:14:56] I immediately recognized what this meant and asked if she would rather spend the night in with me, but she said she really wanted to do this. Eventually, she left and I was left sitting alone watching TV getting drunk. I got sad and I called one of my close friends, 23 female, and was telling her about the situation. After we talked for a while, I asked her if she wanted to come over and drink because I was feeling like shit being alone. After she got there and we hung out for a bit drinking and discussing the open relationship

[00:15:25] and how upset I was, my friend suggested that if my girlfriend was essentially cheating on me, I might as well enjoy the perks of an open relationship too. I'm sure you could see what happened there and I won't get into details, but it made me feel a lot better. Flash forward to the next morning and I wake up to my girlfriend freaking out, asking me what the hell my friend and I were doing in our bed. I told her what happened and she got mad. She told me that she didn't even do anything last night and ended up crashing at her friend's

[00:15:53] house. She now wants to close our relationship back off and make me prove my loyalty for cheating on her. We never discussed any rules or anything like that, so I really don't see how I did anything wrong. So am I the arsehole for participating in the open relationship that my girlfriend suggested? Look, she gave you an ultimatum on your relationship. I think it should have just ended there and then,

[00:16:19] especially considering from my perspective it sounded like she already had someone in mind who she wanted to sleep with. She said she didn't and just stayed at a friend's house, but who knows? I certainly don't blame you for doing what you did. You were participating in what she was suggesting, an open relationship. But at the same time, come on now, this just isn't going to work out, is it? But individual fox-like says not the arsehole. She pressured you into agreeing to

[00:16:44] something you didn't want, didn't set any rules and showed a complete disregard for your feelings. You did nothing wrong. You were open and you had no rules about telling each other anything, because you had no rules at all. In the future though, don't agree to something you don't want. Breaking up when she wouldn't stop pressuring you was the right move and would have saved you some time of the coming mess. Postsector says, while I consider what OP did to be fair game,

[00:17:10] I agree that the wiser move would have been to immediately break up with her when she dropped the ultimatum. Rewe says, I think this was the ultimate move. He basically showed her what it really meant to be in an open relationship. She didn't like it, but still, he needs to end the relationship now. Fox psychotic hottie says, this relationship isn't equal. Just break it off. She had big expectations of her ability to pull men and wanted to get it out of her system.

[00:17:37] She didn't even have to try. So she's angry. Not the arsehole, but don't pretend this is salvageable. I don't have an issue with open relationships, but this isn't how they form and work. OP says, yeah, I'm accepting the fact that there's no coming back from this. AQ says, not the arsehole. Your girlfriend already had her eyes on someone and that's why she pushed for the open relationship as aggressively as she did. I call bullshit that she didn't do anything with anyone the night before. She got some dick from someone who just

[00:18:06] wanted to get laid and was now going back to her safe boyfriend. She just wasn't expecting you to also have options. So two months later after this, OP comes in with her update and says, hi Reddit, it's been a while and a lot has happened since I last posted. A ton of people were inquiring about how the whole situation played out and asking me for an update. It's been an incredibly hectic month for me, but things have started to settle down and I'm ready to update.

[00:18:32] So for starters, my girlfriend and I ended up officially breaking up a few days after my initial post. It was not a pretty scene. She kept calling me a cheater and telling me what a piece of shit I was for cheating on her. I took this for a few days while I tried to figure out what to do, but eventually I snapped back at her one day. I should have tried to keep my cool, but I told her she is genuinely the stupidest person I've ever met in my life for thinking

[00:18:57] an open relationship would work out and it's her fault for everything blowing up. I told her I played by her rules and it's not my fault I found someone to hook up with faster than she could. She told me she didn't want to cheat on me. She wanted to explore and I should have understood. We went in circles arguing for a bit, but I eventually told her to get out of my apartment. I pay rent and my name is on the lease and I had to threaten to call the cops before she realized I

[00:19:23] was serious. She of course then broke down crying saying she hadn't nowhere to go and told me she loved me and wanted to make things work. I held firm and told her to leave. After she was out, I immediately felt better and realized that relationship was terrible for me. The next day I called up my friend who I slept with in the original post and asked if she wanted to come over and drink and game. She said yes and of course, given what happened last time, we ended up hooking up again. My ex ended up coming by the next day to pick up the rest of her stuff

[00:19:53] and boy, let me tell you, she was not happy to see my friend. She didn't start anything but I could tell by the way she was acting, she was seething. My friend and I ended up talking more and more after that until I eventually officially asked her out and she said yes. We've been together for the past month and to say this is a healthier, better relationship would be an understatement. I've been friends with her for a long time and I think we've both always sort of had a thing for

[00:20:19] each other but never really acted on it until we were basically handed that perfect opportunity by my ex. We have a lot more in common and we're a lot better at communicating with each other and so far this whole relationship has been amazing. Thank you all for the advice on the previous post. I really appreciate it. Bra says not the arsehole, she was clearly not on the same page about the open relationship and tried to manipulate you with accusations and guilt trips. You held your ground and it sounds like you ended up in a much better situation.

[00:20:49] Opie says yeah, I'm a lot happier now. Know how to be stupid says I'm confused what your ex thought being in an open relationship meant. And Shelly says I go out and have fun while you stay at home and wait for me. Now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Could you see it coming? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and just a huge thank you for being here today, getting involved in the stories. Your love, your support,

[00:21:18] your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.