My Fiancee Is Disappointed I Didn't Spend Enough On The Engagement Ring r/Relationships | Reddit Stories Podcast

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[00:00:27] Hey hey waffle gang, I do hope you're well.

[00:00:37] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

[00:00:41] And if you do love a Reddit story why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too.

[00:00:47] Let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:49] Now today's first story comes from the Amirong subreddit from a throwaway account which says,

[00:00:55] Am I wrong for spending way less than planned on an engagement ring that met her wants?

[00:01:00] So I've been with my fiance for about four years, living together for two.

[00:01:05] About five months ago we had a talk around timeline and decided 2024 will be the year we get engaged.

[00:01:11] She told me she wants me to pick the ring but gave me some style she likes.

[00:01:16] I picked a ring that was my favorite of the type she sent me and to my surprise it was a lot cheaper than expected.

[00:01:22] In my head I budgeted about 10k but it was only about 3500.

[00:01:27] Thank you lab diamonds.

[00:01:29] The jewel I bought it from has a great reputation and has been around 40 years.

[00:01:34] So it's not like I cheaped out with a sketchy store by the way.

[00:01:37] She absolutely loved the ring and has been happy to show off to her friends who have also good feedback.

[00:01:43] A couple of nights ago she asked me what it costs and because we're going to be married and finances are so important, I told her.

[00:01:51] She expressed a lot of disappointment.

[00:01:54] Which is weird to me because it resembles exactly a type that she sent me.

[00:01:58] I just didn't get it from that brand because they had bad reviews.

[00:02:02] The same ring could have easily cost 6500 from that company or if I went with a mined diamond it would have been about 12k.

[00:02:10] She just said she expected me to spend more based on my income, 160k.

[00:02:16] She said while she didn't expect me to go to the dated three months pay route, she was a little disappointed that I basically spent less than one total paycheck.

[00:02:25] Aside from this, she's always been very fiscally irresponsible and thrifty so this caught me off guard.

[00:02:31] I have to say this is killing my recently engaged buzz but maybe she's right. I don't know.

[00:02:37] We're not fighting or anything but went from really excited to be engaged to her seemingly sad and me starting to look at her in a worse light.

[00:02:46] Hope we get past it soon and have a fun weekend but would love advice on how to handle things or if I should just move on from this and wait for her to get over it.

[00:02:55] Edit. People are going too far here.

[00:02:58] She's not a gold digger, she barely makes less than me and made more than I did the first two years we were dating.

[00:03:04] I'm just going to have a conversation with her tonight and I'm sure we'll be good again.

[00:03:09] Some of you should go outside and touch grass more or talk to a therapist about your contempt for women.

[00:03:14] I'm logging out of this now.

[00:03:16] And we're starting the comments with Old Effect who says,

[00:03:19] Bro, everyone's saying dump her is a little bit blowing it out of proportion.

[00:03:23] Just talk to her about how it made you feel and listen to why it makes her feel how it does.

[00:03:27] Explain how you love her and thought this was the ring she wanted and didn't even consider the price.

[00:03:32] Also, of course get a prenup. Everyone should have one, it protects both of you.

[00:03:37] Visible Occasion says that I don't know, same kind of thing happened to me.

[00:03:41] Love my wife, but the ring and cost is so important. It's crazy.

[00:03:46] She doesn't even wear it, but the original cheap one I bought wasn't good enough.

[00:03:50] I love it and still have it. It's where we started, but somehow she thought she needed something bigger.

[00:03:56] Got it, but she doesn't even wear it, so it's like what the fuck.

[00:04:00] Life is weird.

[00:04:01] You're not wrong though, but I just think she might still be a good person who got caught up once with society's bullshit.

[00:04:08] Odessa Mama says yeah, I hate being the guy on Reddit who's telling you to bounce,

[00:04:12] but I'd be careful with future expectations from this woman.

[00:04:16] When I proposed to my ex-fiance, she was ecstatic.

[00:04:19] She loved the ring, showing it off to everyone.

[00:04:22] Not once did she ask how much it cost.

[00:04:26] Mutual Butt Squeezing says she was happy with it until she learned the cost.

[00:04:30] Only $3,500. Oh no, only $3,500.

[00:04:35] She only spent one whole paycheck.

[00:04:37] How ever will she survive with only $3,500 on her finger?

[00:04:41] And if she wants blood diamonds instead of lab, that's a whole other red flag.

[00:04:45] Her ring is worth more than my fucking car.

[00:04:48] She had a good prenup.

[00:04:50] Oopie says she never wanted a blood diamond.

[00:04:53] If she wants a prenup, she can request one.

[00:04:55] There's no point from my side.

[00:04:57] Only made about 10k more than her, but she has more savings than I do and neither of us own property.

[00:05:03] I had student loans and didn't make a town my first few years out of college.

[00:05:07] Her parents paid for her college and she made more out the gate than me.

[00:05:10] I didn't pass her an income until two years into us dating.

[00:05:14] Catface Magiza says, oh my god, the people on this thread are wild.

[00:05:18] Your fiance has some weird and irrational feelings because she had an unstated expectation that wasn't met.

[00:05:25] She probably knows that these feelings don't make sense and it's good that she trusted you enough to share.

[00:05:30] It's seemingly likely that in some little nook of her brain, the amount of money spent signifies something.

[00:05:36] How much you care about her, the quality of the ring, whatever.

[00:05:39] And even if she knows that is not true, she might have feelings about it.

[00:05:43] I highly suggest having a relaxed conversation where you can both talk about what feelings are coming up and just let it blow over.

[00:05:50] You will miss an opportunity to get to know and understand each other better.

[00:05:55] So OP came in with their update and says update not even 24 hours later.

[00:06:00] We talked through things last night.

[00:06:02] First, I want to say everyone calling her a gold digger.

[00:06:05] That is so stupid.

[00:06:08] She has more savings than me, made more than me the first half of our relationship and will inherit significant money from her family.

[00:06:16] Well, I certainly will not.

[00:06:18] If she's a gold digger, she's very bad at it.

[00:06:21] She also told me when we discussed the timeline, she wanted a lab diamond to be sure nobody was hurt over it.

[00:06:26] So no need to say she wanted a blood diamond either.

[00:06:29] Not sure where that came from, but lots of people here seem to insist that she wanted someone to die over it.

[00:06:35] I don't think either of us realized how much cheaper lab diamonds have gotten in just the last couple of years.

[00:06:40] Now to the actual update.

[00:06:42] Last night we had a sushi takeout and wine night and I told her how her response made me feel.

[00:06:47] She was extremely apologetic and told me that she felt awful all day at work about it and was thinking of how to apologize.

[00:06:54] She said she realizes her feelings made no sense.

[00:06:57] It's just that it can be ingrained in women's heads that their long term boyfriend is going to make the sacrifice and spend a lot of their money and there's romance associated with it.

[00:07:07] But logically, it's stupid and makes no sense.

[00:07:09] We want to buy a house together when our lease is up and she brought up how it's great the ring costs less than expected so we can put more towards that.

[00:07:17] We are all good.

[00:07:18] Thanks for the people with the reasonable advice.

[00:07:21] There are a lot of other responses and PMs I got from people who don't seem to have much real relationship experience.

[00:07:27] I'm going to ignore your lol.

[00:07:29] Peace out everyone.

[00:07:31] And there was a lot of people in this one you're saying, you know, yeah, Reddit is wild for their takes on some things.

[00:07:37] But I kind of get why Reddit was going down that route.

[00:07:40] Hope he painted his partner in this kind of way.

[00:07:43] If you're going to paint someone in that way, you can't be surprised when you get those kind of comments.

[00:07:47] I know there's some comments as always extreme on Reddit, of course, but the general gist of it.

[00:07:52] But I'm super glad that they did find a healthy solution to their issues here.

[00:07:56] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:07:58] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:08:01] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:08:04] Let's move on to another story.

[00:08:07] Our next story comes from Safe.1389 that says, am I the asshole for exposing my friend's private diary to help her?

[00:08:17] OK, so I'm a 17 year old girl and I need some honest opinions about a situation that's gone way off the rails.

[00:08:24] I still think I'm in the right here.

[00:08:26] I have this friend let's call her Sarah.

[00:08:29] Sarah has been acting kind of distant lately.

[00:08:31] I couldn't help but feel like something was wrong.

[00:08:34] She wouldn't talk to me about it, so I decided to do some detective work to figure out what was bothering her.

[00:08:40] One day I went over to her house when she wasn't home and I found a diary sitting on her desk.

[00:08:45] I know it's wrong to invade someone's privacy, but I genuinely believed I was doing it to help her.

[00:08:51] I thought maybe she was going through something serious that she couldn't talk about.

[00:08:55] So I read her diary and it turns out she was writing about some personal struggles,

[00:09:00] like feeling lonely and dealing with family issues.

[00:09:03] I thought I could be a good friend by addressing these issues and helping her feel better.

[00:09:08] Without telling Sarah that I read her diary, I started bringing up some of the things she'd written about.

[00:09:13] I offered advice and tried to be there for her, but instead of being grateful,

[00:09:18] she was furious when she found out that I read her diary.

[00:09:21] She felt violated and betrayed.

[00:09:24] Now she's not talking to me and some of our mutual friends are saying I was completely out of line.

[00:09:29] But here's the thing. I genuinely believed I was helping her,

[00:09:33] and I thought she'd appreciate my efforts once she saw the positive changes in her life.

[00:09:38] I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable here because I still don't think I'm the jerk in this situation.

[00:09:43] So am I the asshole?

[00:09:47] Yes, you're going to be the asshole in this situation for simply invading her privacy,

[00:09:52] but there was also a part that jumped out to me as I was reading it.

[00:09:55] Let me just scroll back up here.

[00:09:57] That said, one day I went over to her house when she wasn't home.

[00:10:01] How did you get in?

[00:10:03] Is what I'm wondering. The first comment on this one says,

[00:10:06] You're the asshole. You read her diary, which was a terrible invasion of her privacy.

[00:10:10] How did you get into her house when she wasn't home?

[00:10:13] Climbing through the window.

[00:10:15] Lopi says her house is almost always open from the back door,

[00:10:18] and we often go in each other's houses because our friendship is just like that.

[00:10:23] TwishyStrawberry says you're the asshole just because someone is acting a bit distant

[00:10:27] doesn't give you any jurisdiction to freaking go into their home

[00:10:30] when they're not there and invade their privacy.

[00:10:33] Like that's super duper wrong of you, and a huge breach of trust and boundaries.

[00:10:39] Another user says you're the asshole. You crossed a boundary.

[00:10:42] You knew the diary was private.

[00:10:44] You knew you didn't have permission to read it, and you read it anyway.

[00:10:47] Journaling can be therapeutic and beneficial to one's mental health.

[00:10:50] You potentially destroyed the outlet for your friend by disregarding her right to process her private thoughts in a healthy and productive manner.

[00:10:59] And a final comment from Psychological Roll who says you're the asshole.

[00:11:03] You invaded her privacy with some overzealous idea that you can fix her.

[00:11:07] You caring isn't the issue, it's your execution.

[00:11:10] You knew it was wrong because you wouldn't have went into her house when she wasn't home.

[00:11:14] It wasn't your place to play detective, and you could have caused her harm by snooping.

[00:11:19] She wasn't ready to discuss it with you, hence they're not sharing.

[00:11:22] You could have caused her emotional harm by pushing her to reveal things she didn't want to.

[00:11:28] Now you know her private issues that you weren't entitled to and sharing some online.

[00:11:33] You should have just told her that you're there for her whenever she needs and she can talk to you anytime.

[00:11:38] Now she doesn't trust you and probably won't ever.

[00:11:40] You need to apologize without adding justifications or excuses.

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[00:12:48] So a little while later, OP comes in with her update on this post and says, Hey everyone, here's an update on how the whole situation has been going.

[00:12:57] And please give me any advice.

[00:13:00] After my last post, I decided to apologize to Sarah for my actions.

[00:13:04] I knew I had crossed the line by reading her diary and I needed that reality check you all in the comments gave me.

[00:13:09] But yeah, I genuinely believed I was helping her.

[00:13:12] Unfortunately, my apology didn't go as I expected.

[00:13:16] Sarah wouldn't have it and she said she's still deeply hurt and has accused me of emotionally manipulating her by using her private thoughts against her.

[00:13:24] What's more, her parents got involved and they are considering pressing charges against me for trespassing and invading her privacy.

[00:13:32] This has added a whole new layer of stress and complexity to an already messy situation.

[00:13:37] To make matters even worse, some of our mutual friends have distanced themselves from me and I'm facing a lot of backlash.

[00:13:45] It's heartbreaking to see our friendship deteriorate in this way, especially when my initial intention was to be a good friend and supporter through her struggles.

[00:13:54] Many of you rightly pointed out that invading someone's privacy is never justified, no matter the intentions.

[00:14:00] I realize that now and I deeply regret my actions.

[00:14:03] But here I am facing potential legal repercussions and a strained relationship with my friend.

[00:14:09] I'm left wondering how I can begin to mend the damage I've caused and I know I got what I deserved.

[00:14:14] I can't live like this.

[00:14:17] And I think a lot of the people are saying, you know, you're just going to be learning the consequences of your actions and some people sympathetic that OP is young and still learning but they still have to face these consequences.

[00:14:30] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:14:33] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:14:36] Let's move on to another story.

[00:14:39] And our next story does have an update as well from Somerset Sunflower who says, I'm the asshole for announcing we are pregnant too early.

[00:14:47] So I 26 female and my husband 30 male decided to start our family.

[00:14:53] We were very fortunate and got pregnant on the first try.

[00:14:56] As soon as we found out positive test of five weeks, we shared on our family chat because we were very excited.

[00:15:02] The family chat included my dad, my brother 22 male and his wife 21 female.

[00:15:08] My brother who is on deployment sends me a lengthy message about how selfish and rubbing it in their face that we are pregnant when we know they struggle with fertility issues.

[00:15:17] And it's something I should have kept to myself.

[00:15:19] I know his wife has issues with her reproductive organs that would make it very hard for her to conceive.

[00:15:25] But neither of them shared that they were actively trying.

[00:15:28] I also understand how hard deployments can be.

[00:15:31] I'm a veteran and my husband is active duty and our mom died about 16 months ago.

[00:15:37] So I'm trying to be really understanding of their feelings and experiences.

[00:15:41] However, I'm really hurt.

[00:15:43] I don't think it's wrong to share our excitement.

[00:15:45] I want to share because if we were to have a miscarriage or don't my family to know and to help me through it, it just seems really out of character for my brother to treat me this way.

[00:15:54] His wife hasn't said anything or acknowledged what we said.

[00:15:58] Edit to add, I'd be happy to answer and clarify a few things.

[00:16:03] One, they did not share they were trying to get pregnant or receive fertility treatments.

[00:16:08] She shared about a year prior that she will likely struggle to conceive but didn't want to go into detail.

[00:16:13] We respected her privacy and didn't pry.

[00:16:16] She is shy and very quiet.

[00:16:18] We all express support for her and whatever their journey looks like.

[00:16:22] Two, I was concerned about miscarriages because I have used her own fibroids very irregular periods and was sexually assaulted by someone for an extended period of time.

[00:16:31] Multiple times while I was deployed and didn't have access to birth control.

[00:16:36] I did not become pregnant, which I am very grateful for.

[00:16:39] But my doctor and therapist both agreed that it could signal that I would face fertility issues.

[00:16:44] My mom isn't around, so I can't get a medical history, which could affect me.

[00:16:49] The doctor told me that I'd have to try for 12 to 18 months before getting a referral to a fertility clinic.

[00:16:55] And that I should gather resources such as therapy and support, husband, friends, family, if I'm comfortable with that, to help me through those potentially difficult times.

[00:17:04] Three, if I knew they were actively trying and struggling, I would have waited to tell my brother and sister-in-law until he came home and had time to reintegrate,

[00:17:13] but also checked out on my sister-in-law frequently to see what I could do to help or alleviate the stress.

[00:17:20] Anna says to this, so would it have been different at five months?

[00:17:24] No, but your brother is an asshole for responding the way he did.

[00:17:28] An old adage, if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it.

[00:17:32] Congratulations, not the asshole.

[00:17:35] Random account says not the asshole.

[00:17:37] What did they expect to hide it until you show up one day with a baby?

[00:17:40] Toby said that's what I thought.

[00:17:42] It would have been even weirder and in some ways insulting to not share with them.

[00:17:46] My family is very open and transparent about everything, so hiding it felt wrong.

[00:17:52] Calligraph affair says not the asshole.

[00:17:54] I get your brother is going through a tough time, but he'll probably be more insulted if you waited longer to tell him or just turned up one day with a random baby.

[00:18:01] You shouldn't have to put your life on hold because of him.

[00:18:04] Congrats on the baby.

[00:18:07] And Hudo says yeah, not the asshole.

[00:18:09] I understand where your brother is coming from and it was probably just a spur of the moment jealousy takes power by all the emotions of him and his wife trying for a baby as well.

[00:18:17] Even if they did not outwardly share that, they were too trying to get pregnant.

[00:18:21] There's still lots of emotions and stuff on their part, especially if they aren't talking about it with people.

[00:18:26] I don't understand where he's coming from, but no, I don't believe you or your husband did anything wrong.

[00:18:31] Historical hat says you are not the asshole.

[00:18:34] You shared an exciting moment in your life with your close family.

[00:18:37] Your brother's response was not kind in return.

[00:18:40] I think your brother is just hurt right now.

[00:18:42] Not only are they having fertility issues, but he's away from his wife.

[00:18:46] As someone who had fertility issues, I can vouch that it makes you think unkind thoughts at times.

[00:18:51] Inside, I was at times a person I did not like from the pain I felt.

[00:18:55] I'm not excusing his behavior, just trying to explain how it messes with your emotions.

[00:19:00] It's your decision if you want to reach out and just let your brother know you love them both and never meant to hurt anyone.

[00:19:06] After that, share your updates with those who are able to be there for you.

[00:19:10] I wish you the best in your pregnancy and also the best for your brother and sister-in-law.

[00:19:14] And yes, things did work out for us, so I'm hoping the same for your family.

[00:19:20] OP responds and that's exactly what I'll do.

[00:19:22] I don't think anything productive will come from texting each other.

[00:19:25] I'll talk in person and give everyone time to cool down.

[00:19:29] So OP comes in with their update and says, update.

[00:19:32] Definitely a bittersweet update.

[00:19:34] They've successfully conceived and are expecting a boy.

[00:19:38] They're far enough along that they felt comfortable announcing

[00:19:41] and we're praying that this miracle can make it to term and is healthy.

[00:19:45] We were not invited to their gender reveal, but I was due that week

[00:19:49] and they currently live three hours away, so we could not travel.

[00:19:52] However, the woman my brother cheated on his wife with while on deployment was invited and attended.

[00:19:58] So our relationship is still very strained.

[00:20:01] My sister-in-law posted a reel to Facebook sharing all the dirty details for friends and family to see,

[00:20:06] including screenshots from the conversation she had with the mistress.

[00:20:10] In some of those screenshots, the mistress shared that my brother insisted his wife was dying of cancer.

[00:20:15] She did receive cancer treatment while he was deployed, but wasn't in stage three or four,

[00:20:20] which is wild because our mum died of cancer a few years ago.

[00:20:24] So we're familiar with how things can progress with cancer and he was seeking comfort

[00:20:29] and swore to his wife on our dead mother's grave that he didn't cheat on her.

[00:20:33] However, shortly afterwards, my sister-in-law tested positive for an STD while pregnant.

[00:20:38] Things are a mess.

[00:20:40] My heart is breaking for them because he saw how his father's infidelity destroyed our family

[00:20:45] and I figured he would not perpetuate that generational trauma.

[00:20:49] I think perhaps all the drama about my pregnancy had less to do with me

[00:20:53] and more to do with the issues they were slash are trying to navigate.

[00:20:57] A crazy twisted update indeed.

[00:21:01] That sounds like there was some projection going on, but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:21:07] What do you guys make of this?

[00:21:09] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:12] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:21:16] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:21:19] So thank you so, so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:21:24] Take care and much love.

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[00:22:12] every step of the way because we know that nothing is more important than delivering a smile.

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[00:22:21] That's 1-800-FLOWERS.com slash A-Cast.