My Fiance Joked He Got Me Pregnant On Purpose To A Family Member r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hit that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now, before we do get into today's first story, I do want to give you a couple of warnings. There is talk of baby trapping and coercive control as well.

[00:00:26] So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. Now this one's from PrettyYayFlow from the Am I the Arse or Here subreddit. And it says, Am I the arse or here for kicking my fiance out after joking he got me pregnant on purpose? I23female made a post a couple of days ago on here talking about a joke my fiance made at Thanksgiving, which concerned me.

[00:00:53] That post got taken down. This is a repost slash update. I23female have been with my fiance, 26 male for three years. We met whilst I was on holiday and after a few weeks, he followed me on Instagram and the rest is history. We got engaged last year and a month later I found out I was pregnant. We have a beautiful six month old. We hosted Thanksgiving this year and my fiance was drinking quite heavily.

[00:01:21] And after dinner, me and my mom were talking about the wedding, which my parents are paying for. I ever heard my fiance tell my brother who was just as drunk as him that he needed to tie me down and get me pregnant before I realized what a dickhead he was. They laughed it off, but it rubbed me the wrong way because our baby was not planned. I wasn't ready for a child and we were using condoms, but after a few instances where the condom broke, I decided it would be safer if I got on birth control.

[00:01:51] The first month on birth control, I got pregnant. We were told that could happen and he said he would pull out to be safe, but I still got pregnant. I was scared as fuck, but I personally didn't want to get an abortion. I 100% believe in the right to get an abortion. I just didn't want one and so decided to keep the baby. I work for my dad's company and my fiance works at a country club. Money wasn't necessarily why I didn't want a baby. I just wanted to do more before I started a family.

[00:02:20] I spoke to my fiance about what he said and at first he said he didn't remember saying it, which was believable because of how drunk he was. But then he said it was just a joke and it was meant as a compliment because I'm so amazing. So I said, okay, good, because we're getting a prenup. I was just joking, but I also wanted to see how he reacted and he was pissed. He said, why the fuck would he sign a prenup now that we have a baby together, a house together and that he would not sign one?

[00:02:49] How we wouldn't need one because we were never separating and that me mentioning a prenup is insulting and emasculating. I never felt threatened or anything like that, but he did make me uncomfortable and he woke our baby up. So I told him to leave, which he did. The day after I kicked him out, he sent me a long apologetic message about how it was out of character of him to get loud, which it was. He's never acted like that before and replied saying,

[00:03:15] I appreciate the apology, but I still just need a day or two to think everything through. The next day, he sent me a bouquet to the apartment. Sunday, he sent me a booking confirmation of a massage he booked for me at the club and offered to come over to watch our son and cook dinner. Tonight, he sent me a message saying that I'm being an arsehole and I'm taking a meaningless joke to heart and that he's wasting money he could be saving for the wedding or the hotel. But now things that went over my head before.

[00:03:44] I'm starting to think it's sus, but breaking up my family over this doesn't seem right. Am I overthinking this or being an arsehole? So people were asking Opie some questions. The first one said, If you have a house together, why is he sending flowers to the apartment? Opie says, We closed on a house, but we're staying at my apartment until the lease is up. A commenter followed up saying, Please, please, please do not marry him. Call off this relationship. He wants you barefoot and pregnant. Run.

[00:04:13] This pill is super easy to tamper with. All your ex needs to do is microwave your birth control pills for a short time and your birth control pills are completely useless. Opie says, I didn't know this. I never even considered him doing anything like that. I take them like clockwork, so it definitely wasn't that I missed a day or anything like that. A commenter says to Opie, I haven't seen it said yet, but you mentioned having two trust funds. One that you got when you were 18. Does he know this? Think about it. If you don't have a prenup,

[00:04:43] you'll have access to that trust fund. Don't be naive. And the condom? Come on. He totally baby trapped you. Wake up. Opie says, Yeah, he knows about the trust fund. He was at my brother's 18th, when my dad said to him not to spend all his money at once, and he asked if all the siblings got one, which we did. Tigress says to the Opie, So first, he was love bombing you. And when that didn't work, he tried to emotionally manipulate you. And when that didn't work, he resulted to guilt tripping. What a prize.

[00:05:13] Judging by his behavior, I'd start doubting if it really was a joke. Because it sounds more like he's an insecure, controlling, emotionally abusive arsehole. And he really did everything he could to trap you. Please keep your distance, protect yourself, and start reflecting on this relationship to see if there are more patterns like this. And think long and hard about how you want to move forward. Jaded Kate says, All the red flags are glaring at you. Believe when they show themselves the first time.

[00:05:40] Read up on narcissistic manipulative tactics. Narcissists love bomb you, and then get you pregnant as soon as possible. This was a mask slip. I'm so sorry, this man is not who he presented himself as. Do not get married to him. Listen to your intuition. It's there for a good reason. You were meant to hear what he said. That's what people would call divine intervention. Be thankful your guardian angel showed you who he was before you got married. Most people only get to see the mask slip

[00:06:10] after being married and having their baby. Then it quickly spirals into domestic violence. You're too young to become yet another statistic. And one more comment from Gamer who says, He's love bombing you. All those gifts after a fight, a fight about something he said, that's love bombing. It's a step in the cycle of abuse. Leave now before you're married and you can dodge one hell of a bullet. My father did this kind of stuff to my mom and they were dating. My mom was not baby trapped

[00:06:39] like what your fiance did to you. My mom just simply thought she couldn't get pregnant and found out she was wrong. He would be a jerk and then my mom would react to it reasonably. He would retort that he's never acted that way before and she should forgive him. He would send flowers and chocolates to her work. All of her co-workers commented on what a good guy he must be. My mom would get back with him until eventually she got a restraining order because he tried to kill her. If you can't leave for yourself, at least for your kid

[00:07:07] so you didn't have to witness the shit I did growing up, file for full custody and decision making on that baby he tried to trap you with. And it's just the pattern of behavior in this that's really disturbing, really scary, like the multiple broken condoms, getting pregnant the first month of birth control, which many people pointed out can be tampered with. The joke about needing to get you pregnant before you realize what a dick Eddie was. His explosive reactions

[00:07:35] to even a joking mention of a prenup when he knows about your trust fund. And now going backwards and forwards between what the comments were saying, love bombing, the flowers, massages, et cetera, and guilt trips about hotel costs. All incredibly scary. But OP did come in with her update and says a lot of people were asking for context. When I said I wanted a prenup at the time, I wasn't being serious. Maybe I was being an asshole trying to get a reaction, but based on the three years we've been together,

[00:08:04] I would never imagine he'd react the way he did. Why did the joke bother me so much? About a year ago, he lost his job. It was never really clear why. For the next three to four months, he didn't really do much. He said he was trying to figure out what he wanted to do next. And that was the first time he brought up having kids, indicating that he was ready. We had a candid conversation on my part about how I want kids, just not anytime soon. I enjoyed my job. I had trips planned and I wanted to be married first. He agreed with me

[00:08:34] that we should wait three to four years. My dad's company got a contract at the club, which is how he got his job there. But during the time he was out of work, my girls would joke that he's a stay-at-home boyfriend and that I'm the provider. And he'd be a stay-at-home dad because I was paying the bills slash rent by myself, which at the time didn't bother me. I used to live there by myself before we got together, so it wasn't a big deal. But I guess it was them that first made me question. To be honest, I don't know how long the condoms were breaking.

[00:09:03] A lot of people are saying that they've never had them break and I can't say I remember it ever happening before. I noticed the first time that it looked like it had split and then I checked it the next time that was also broken, which is when I decided to get an IUD, which he didn't want me to do. But I stood my ground and we compromised and I got on the pill. I know we should have continued using condoms, but he said it ran out and that I'm on the pill and don't need them. In hindsight, yes, I should have insisted

[00:09:33] we still use them. But I chose not to have that battle. I thought we'd be okay. He knew my opinion on abortion and that I wouldn't get one. If I got pregnant, I would raise the baby unless it was for a medical reason. Money-wise, my family's successful. I work for my dad's company. I have two trust funds, one of which I got at 18. Before I fell pregnant, I was making plans to start my own house-flipping business, but I decided to put that on hold. I still work from home on flexible hours,

[00:10:02] but he said once we're married, he wants me to stop working so I can focus on our kids and that he'll support us. But I've never really liked that idea, mainly because, although I've never had to worry about money, my parents always taught us the importance of financial stability and my mom's always said to never be financially dependent on anyone. Plus, my fiance's current salary. I'm not sure would cover all of our expenses. The only reason why I haven't told my dad is because they have a good relationship

[00:10:31] and I don't want to blow up everything over an overreaction on my part. On the back of that update, someone says to Opie, don't you think there was a reason he didn't want you to get an IUD? He can't tamper with that, but he did with a latex. Opie says, he sent me a few things whereas people's IUDs went wrong. And yeah, I probably should have gone with my gut, but he convinced me the pill would be the best option. But I did speak to my mom because he's come back home. Metacometer says, the real problem

[00:10:59] is him not supporting your career. He should be supporting your business and your job, not making you a stay-at-home housewife. That's ridiculous. Yes, mothers with young children can still start businesses, but they have to be appropriately supported. Can you say he can give you that support? Opie says, probably not. He's been quite blunt in that he doesn't think I could do both effectively. And after our son was born, he said he didn't want a large age gap between the kids. So Opie came in with another update and said,

[00:11:29] I, 23 female, made a post last week about a joke my fiance, 26 male, made at Thanksgiving while drunk. To everyone that hasn't seen my older post, he joked that he got me pregnant to tie me down and I didn't know what to make of it. So I posted on here to get outside opinions. I didn't want to initially talk to my friends or family about it because they're all quite close to him. I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill and cause drifts in their relationships. Yesterday, we had a conversation about where I was at,

[00:11:59] but he said he couldn't go back to the hotel because they kicked him out for smoking in the room. He stopped smoking while I was pregnant, but he said I was stressing him out, so he had to stay at the apartment. While I was on the phone to one of my girls in the bedroom, he came in and took the phone off me and told me to come and eat. While we was eating, he said that he understood what I said and that things need to change for us to move forward. He then proceeded to list all the things I needed to do to make things better. His tone the whole conversation

[00:12:28] was just making me uneasy. I text my dad saying that he was making me uncomfortable when he wasn't looking. I went to check on the baby and when I came back, I saw him take my keys out of my purse but didn't say anything. He took my silence as agreement to everything he said and went to bed instead of the couch like we had agreed. Like everything was normal. I stayed in the living room and my dad, bless him, drove six hours to come and get us. My dad got to the apartment around five this morning while my fiance was still sleeping

[00:12:58] and we left. Me and my son are at my parents' house now. My fiance's been blowing up my phone since this morning. I sent a text to him as we were driving off saying he wasn't respecting the fact that I needed space and time to figure everything out so he could stay in the apartment and I'll stay at my parents'. We haven't officially broken up or called the wedding off. My parents who've paid for it have said that they don't care if I want to call it off but I feel bad. But I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied to my original post

[00:13:27] and private messaged me. I don't think people would care about me. I feel like every option I have is bad. The thought of being a single mum is scary. If my fiance's behavior gets worse that would be shit. If we cancel the wedding and cost my parents thousands of dollars I feel guilty and if we break up all together we just got a house together and we're both on the mortgage. I joined accounts and I've been with him since I was 19. Being without him for good is also scary. The top commenter on that update said this guy

[00:13:57] is bad news. Got you pregnant laid down the law and hid your car keys. Don't feel bad about your parents being out of money for what they have spent. From what you told us about his latest stunt and your friend's commentary about him trust us they are pleased as punch that he finally revealed himself to you in terms that you can't ignore. I'm guessing they have been biting their tongues but despite their angst at your choice chose to respect it and support it. OP said they said that they didn't like how he was getting so serious too fast

[00:14:27] and how he moved into my apartment but then I got pregnant so they didn't want to seem unsupportive. Commenter says OP listen to this 1. The condoms kept breaking that so rarely happens that it happening more than once is super sus. 2. He freaked out over you getting an IUD a birth control method completely out of his control because he can break condoms and steal slash replace or mess with your pills but there's nothing he can do about an IUD. 3.

[00:14:57] He refused to wear condoms your first month on the pill even though you asked him to. Yes you agreed to go ahead without but on that score alone I'd leave. He couldn't hold out for one month. 4. You got pregnant during that first month. 5. When you confronted him about his joke and joked back he lost his shit and scared you. 6. He disrespected your boundary. He couldn't smoke outside. That was the only hotel in the entire region. He has no friends whose couches

[00:15:27] he can sleep on. Just no. 7. He took your phone away. Why did you let him? 8. He made it your responsibility to fix the relationship. 9. His tone scared you. 10. He stole your keys. 11. He disrespected another boundary. Sleeping in the bed. OP how many red flags do you need? Do not go back to him. That's why he got you pregnant in the first place so you wouldn't leave him. Leave. Him. OP says

[00:15:56] he took my phone to get me off the call. I didn't expect him to literally come and take it out of my hand. He gave it back when I came out of the room. He just did it to get my attention. I left with none of my stuff only essentials for my son. We'll have to go back but my dad said he and my brother will go today. A commenter says to OP the next day Hey OP if you feel guilty about your parents having paid for stuff cancel what you can and have a good riddance party with your friends and family with what you can't cancel.

[00:16:26] OP says my mum's been cancelling things from this morning. The wedding's off. A commenter says your head is probably spinning from everything. So sorry you're going through this. What's happening to you is called betrayal trauma. It's easy for women to start to tune out of our instincts but this is a lesson on how real your instincts are. Thank god you realised before you married him. He let his mask slip off too much but from an outsider's perspective it's clear this was just the start. It takes the average

[00:16:55] woman seven times to leave an abusive relationship because we get sucked back in by promises and small sample data of changes. Be strong get a therapist lean on your community and heal. If you go back he can start displaying more desperate behaviour like what you saw with the keys and it can get dangerous very fast. He saw you as his life raft now his life has capsized. OP says heavy on the lean on my community. Had the first honest and open conversation with my mum

[00:17:25] for the first time in a long time and I feel so different and so much better. My head was a mess and Reddit probably wasn't the best place to talk about it but it's anonymous and it felt good to get it out. That is absolutely terrifying and I'm so glad that OP does have a good support system around them. You know just saying to OP I wouldn't worry about the money from your parents they just want you to be safe and the fact that your mum's jumping on the cancelling things of this morning you know

[00:17:55] making sure that wedding is off is absolutely amazing. My heart was going as I was reading that story because the way you were saying about him taking your keys taking the phone off you it felt like it was escalating so fast and your dad immediately dropping everything and just travelling six hours immediately to come pick you up shows he could see what was going on the urgency of the situation and don't worry about all the things around you like like you said you got a bloody good support system around you the house

[00:18:24] the joint accounts the wedding are just things your safety your child's safety are what's important lean on those support systems around you because I 100% promise you they just want what's best for you if you were a member of my family I would want to be doing exactly the same for you I want to anyway and I really do wish you all the best moving forward I'm sure it's going to be a tough road ahead of you but you got this but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys what do you guys make of this

[00:18:54] situation absolutely terrifying but let us know your thoughts down in the comments below just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories your love your support your time it always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much honestly it's amazing and I'll see you in the next one take care and much love