My Fiance And His Mom SECRETLY CANCELLED All Of The Vegan Option At Our Wedding r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now today's first story comes from Sarah Jake 2022 and says, Am I the arsehole flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back? Just in case you've heard the first part of this story anywhere else, it contains a new update that was posted recently. My fiance, 31 male, and I, 25 female, are getting married soon. There wasn't much that we disagreed on during the wedding planning,

[00:00:50] except for food. Me and my family are vegans and there are so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and what are them being that we have a history of health issues. My fiance and his family are the complete opposite. They're hardcore meat eaters, which is fine by me obviously. However, when deciding on the wedding food menu, I wanted to add four to five vegan options. My fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that isn't real food. He also

[00:01:20] argued that this would be offensive for their guests and suggested my vegan options just be the good old salads and appetizers. His mom wanted cupcakes. Lol. I said no because for one, it's me and my family who's paying. And two, I wanted to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served salad. My fiance made a face and said, Isn't that what vegans eat? I refused to argue about it and said it was final.

[00:01:50] The other day I found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. Seething. I called him at work, but he kept hanging up on me. Went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him.

[00:02:05] He was stunned to see me. He at first said it was his mom's idea and told me to go home because I was making a scene at the office. The fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughts and input and refusing to accommodate his family.

[00:02:24] But there were plenty of meat options. Why can't I get four to five vegan options when I'm paying for it?

[00:02:30] He yelled that it was his wedding too, not my family's. My family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go. But I refused.

[00:02:38] I'm I the asshole for putting my foot down on this. This isn't about the vegan options or the meat. This is just purely about control.

[00:02:49] His mom's control to be precise and him not putting his foot down to her is one of those typical stories that we see.

[00:02:56] I mean, there's no reason for them to be so butthurt about vegan options on the menu. They're getting meat. What does it matter to them?

[00:03:06] And they were willing. They canceled this behind your back. They were willing to have you turn up to this wedding and your family sit there and not be able to eat anything.

[00:03:15] And I'm questioning the history of this relationship. Have you seen signs of this before?

[00:03:19] What if you go to like, say, a meal at their house? Do they accommodate you? Do they say, oh, no, you can just have a salad?

[00:03:26] Because it seems like no one seems to know what vegans eat either. Apparently, all you eat is salad.

[00:03:32] But it sounds like you're never going to be accommodated by that family or they might just try and sneak meat into your food because we've seen that sort of batshit behavior before in these stories at the same time.

[00:03:44] Obviously, I'm just, you know, throwing stuff out at this moment in time.

[00:03:47] But hold fast, says not the arsehole. So he, one, has no clue what vegans actually eat and has no interest in learning.

[00:03:54] Two, believes having food for your family is offensive to theirs while having no food to your family is perfectly fine.

[00:04:01] Three, doesn't respect your input and your money.

[00:04:04] Four, makes decisions about matters important to you behind your back.

[00:04:09] Five, either can't stand up to his mom or uses her as his scapegoat.

[00:04:13] That's a lot of things to be really angry about.

[00:04:15] Why are you marrying this man again?

[00:04:18] And Salajana says, not the arsehole.

[00:04:21] Are you sure you want to marry this man and his family?

[00:04:24] I have no respect at all for you and yours.

[00:04:27] Maybe says frankly, I have no idea why his mom feels so strongly about getting involved.

[00:04:31] I only included in wedding planning only because I respect her.

[00:04:34] But I guess it's like they say, give an inch and I'll take a mile.

[00:04:39] Witt Smith says, this isn't going to be the only thing in your marriage you'll feel the need to get involved in.

[00:04:44] It doesn't just happen at the wedding.

[00:04:46] Additionally, your husband has made it clear that he's going to always side with his mother and not stand up for you.

[00:04:52] Which he should do.

[00:04:55] Reasonable Rich says, so you and your family are paying.

[00:04:58] But his mommy says salad and cupcakes is fine.

[00:05:01] So he cancels any food the family paying can eat.

[00:05:04] But cancel the wedding.

[00:05:05] You're not the arsehole.

[00:05:06] Him and mommy, massive, massive arseholes.

[00:05:10] Opie says, yes, I noticed how he and his mom agreed to come against me on this.

[00:05:15] Tiger the casual says, not the arsehole and honesty.

[00:05:18] You want to cancel the wedding altogether.

[00:05:20] He doesn't respect you.

[00:05:22] He doesn't respect your family.

[00:05:23] He's going behind your back to do something he knows you hate.

[00:05:26] He prioritizes his mother's fragile feelings over your needs.

[00:05:30] I'm not the breakup over anything type of person.

[00:05:33] But this dude isn't able to handle an adult relationship with mutual respect.

[00:05:37] And at his age, that's worrying.

[00:05:40] Another thing that's worrying is that he's together with a vegan.

[00:05:43] And obviously has no clue on what vegans eat.

[00:05:46] So Opie then came in with her first update and says, so his mom messaged me earlier to try and get me to listen to what she had to say.

[00:05:53] Oh, the cheeky bastard.

[00:05:55] This should be good.

[00:05:56] After I kept ignoring her phone calls.

[00:05:58] She spent long walls of text just to address what I did at her son's workplace.

[00:06:03] Calling it all kinds of stuff from immature to unhinged.

[00:06:07] She then went to explain how she's noticed that me and my family kept acting dismissive of her son's input and contributions to the wedding.

[00:06:16] She said that she noticed my behavior towards him and her entire family.

[00:06:20] I wanted to speak up earlier but didn't and tried to keep the peace.

[00:06:24] She then went on to address the food menu issue and denied her involvement in the cancellation of the vegan option.

[00:06:30] But that didn't mean she doesn't support her son's decision.

[00:06:34] Moreover, she thought it was so responsible of him to make that move because of my continual refusal to see how this stuff is a waste of money.

[00:06:42] She also pointed out how I kept saying, I paid for it.

[00:06:46] And said that technically, this isn't just my money, it's mine and his because we're getting married.

[00:06:50] And she suggested I wisen up and get rid of my money, I paid for it mentality.

[00:06:56] She finally mentioned how bad this whole situation is making me look.

[00:07:00] And said that she and her son had already offered a number of compromises that I chose to brush off.

[00:07:05] And decided to make it my weird hill to die on.

[00:07:08] She said that not only is her son is upset because she and the family are as well after hearing about it.

[00:07:14] And suggested I just agree on their compromise and be done with it.

[00:07:18] This pissed me off beyond belief.

[00:07:20] I responded by letting her know that I'm still standing my ground on this.

[00:07:23] Even if I'll call the whole wedding off because of it.

[00:07:26] Because honestly, this is just ridiculous.

[00:07:29] It is.

[00:07:30] My mum and dad, they don't even know what to say anymore.

[00:07:33] Apparently my fiance saw my response to her.

[00:07:36] He's with her.

[00:07:37] And is now trying to call me.

[00:07:38] But right now I'm waiting on him to get home.

[00:07:41] And see if he still insisted on the stance he took.

[00:07:45] I'll update if there's anything worth adding after we talk.

[00:07:48] And before we go on to that next update, can you imagine what this wedding would be like if this actually goes ahead?

[00:07:54] I'm not sure if it's going to or not at this moment in time.

[00:07:57] But there's already disrespect from one family to another.

[00:08:00] Totally dismissing them being vegan etc.

[00:08:03] Can you imagine them coming together in this one place?

[00:08:06] With all the bad vibes going on already.

[00:08:09] Gee whiz.

[00:08:11] It sounds like it will be an anxiety riddled shit show.

[00:08:15] But Opie comes in to update again and says,

[00:08:18] So the talk didn't go well.

[00:08:20] I wait for him to come home so we can have a final conversation about it.

[00:08:23] But he insisted on his stance.

[00:08:26] For more details, his family are a bit on the heavy side.

[00:08:30] Nothing wrong with that.

[00:08:31] They're perfectly within their right to decide how to live.

[00:08:33] But they get easily offended at the mention of the words weight and food.

[00:08:38] I tried so hard to focus on the issue at hand.

[00:08:41] But I noticed there was a pattern of this behavior.

[00:08:44] He said it wasn't true.

[00:08:46] And that this was just an attempt for me to throw past conflicts at him in order to win the current one.

[00:08:50] He claimed he tried to reason with me about why and how his guests might see those vegan options as offensive.

[00:08:58] Also said that his family loved food and consider it a big deal.

[00:09:02] And how he didn't want his family to feel like there's certain options that they couldn't touch.

[00:09:07] And feel that there's a difference in how I treat them versus how I treat my family.

[00:09:11] He then went on to explain how it's just an event.

[00:09:13] And how my family should just accept what's on the menu.

[00:09:17] And if they felt inconvenience.

[00:09:19] So what?

[00:09:20] It's just a one time thing.

[00:09:21] They're not going to die if they had salad and appetizers.

[00:09:25] What he said wasn't a good enough reason for me.

[00:09:27] Because his folks are going to think and say what they want.

[00:09:30] But at the end of the day, it's my wedding.

[00:09:33] And to be honest, realizing that my partner himself thinks it's okay to steamroll my opinions and decisions.

[00:09:38] Simply because he's prioritizing others and their opinions over me.

[00:09:43] Was really upsetting.

[00:09:44] And not something that could be looked past.

[00:09:47] Normally, I'm a person of rational discussions and compromises.

[00:09:51] I'm all about compromises.

[00:09:53] I compromise on much bigger matters than just food.

[00:09:56] But like people said, it's not about the food anymore.

[00:09:59] If it ever was.

[00:10:00] Like he'd literally lose nothing if he let me have what I wanted.

[00:10:04] But apparently, he's willing to lose it all over this.

[00:10:07] Which is fine by me.

[00:10:08] I gave him back the ring and called everything off.

[00:10:11] I just couldn't envision myself living like this any longer.

[00:10:15] Having to walk on eggshells for his family and let him basically override my opinions.

[00:10:19] And having the final say no matter what.

[00:10:22] Marriage is about compromise.

[00:10:24] And here, he has nothing to lose.

[00:10:26] Yet chose to do this to me and my family.

[00:10:28] Mind you, this is my first serious relationship.

[00:10:31] And I didn't know what to expect.

[00:10:33] But it's safe to say that he and his mom and family did make it feel like I was taking crazy pills on many, many occasions.

[00:10:39] So, that's that.

[00:10:41] Last thing he said was that I chose my family over him.

[00:10:44] And ended everything between us for the sake of keeping him happy.

[00:10:48] Decision's been made and it's done.

[00:10:50] Just wanted to give an update to those who wanted it.

[00:10:53] Thank you so much for your endless stream of advice and support.

[00:10:57] Someone says to OP on the back of this.

[00:10:59] Good for you.

[00:11:00] Marriage is about compromise.

[00:11:01] And it doesn't sound like your ex is interested in compromising.

[00:11:04] Or even letting you have a saying things.

[00:11:06] That isn't a partnership.

[00:11:08] OP says thank you.

[00:11:09] And you're right.

[00:11:10] Honestly, I felt kind of hesitant about posting an update.

[00:11:14] In fact, I was hesitant about posting my situation as a whole.

[00:11:17] Usually, I'm not the type to share my private business online.

[00:11:20] But I was desperate.

[00:11:21] Like I said, there were times where his family made me feel like I was taking crazy pills.

[00:11:26] Honestly, I'm not going to say this anyway.

[00:11:28] I hate them.

[00:11:30] They always made me feel like an outsider and a stranger.

[00:11:33] Never really warmed up to me and instead pretended to like me.

[00:11:36] But it was obvious they resented me.

[00:11:38] They claim that I'm a covert fat phobic.

[00:11:40] But in reality, I got mocked along with my family for being underweight due to health issues I'd mentioned before.

[00:11:47] Don't even get me started on ex future mother-in-law.

[00:11:50] So I feel as though I gotta let it all out and vent.

[00:11:55] MSPK7305 says,

[00:11:57] You go girl.

[00:11:58] Dude 100% laid out a roadmap where his only option matters and yours is irrelevant.

[00:12:03] This probably wasn't the first time.

[00:12:05] But it for sure would not be the last.

[00:12:08] OP says exactly.

[00:12:09] Like I said, I noticed a pattern of this behavior.

[00:12:11] But kept rationalizing it.

[00:12:13] Which was a huge mistake on my part.

[00:12:15] It's been utter torture trying to please him and his family.

[00:12:18] I'm an emotional mess right now.

[00:12:20] But there's this little voice of reassurance telling me,

[00:12:23] I've gone through the worst and survived it.

[00:12:25] I'm so thankful this happened.

[00:12:27] It helped me see things clearer.

[00:12:30] The fiance in this one was just like a hypocrite.

[00:12:33] All the way through trying to please their family.

[00:12:37] Yet wouldn't even consider a few vegan options because his family wouldn't like it.

[00:12:42] I just find that so weird.

[00:12:46] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:12:49] What do you guys make of this story?

[00:12:51] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:12:54] And let's move on to another story.

[00:12:57] Now our next story is from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit.

[00:13:00] No update as yet.

[00:13:01] Just to give you that warning.

[00:13:03] From forwardmastupial811.

[00:13:05] Was interested in the title.

[00:13:06] It's titled Am I the Arsehole for refusing to do a favor slash help my brother with an element of his wedding.

[00:13:13] Which I already said I won't be attending.

[00:13:16] My brother is marrying someone who made my life hell through our entire teens.

[00:13:21] Started at age 12 and continued into college.

[00:13:25] Unfortunately we're in the same one.

[00:13:27] She was like 20 before she stopped bullying me.

[00:13:30] And she went out of her way to do it in college too.

[00:13:33] Going as far as almost stalking me over it.

[00:13:36] She almost got thrown out of college which might have been what stopped her in the end.

[00:13:40] I was able to avoid her for the rest of college and didn't see her again for a few more years.

[00:13:45] My brother is a year older.

[00:13:47] Knew all the stuff she put me through.

[00:13:49] As did our parents.

[00:13:51] So when he brought this girl home as his girlfriend a couple of years ago.

[00:13:54] I was so hurt.

[00:13:56] My sister asked him what he was thinking and how he could do that to me.

[00:14:00] He said she grew up and that's allowed and we should be willing to give her a shot.

[00:14:05] I walked out.

[00:14:06] My parents and brother were upset at my refusal to give her a chance and asked why I wanted to hurt our family.

[00:14:12] They said my sister walked out after calling this girl all sorts of names and making it clear she saw us trash and someone who couldn't be a good person.

[00:14:21] She also called our brother out for having no family loyalty and said his dick is clearly all he really cares about.

[00:14:27] My relationship with my brother and parents hardly exists now.

[00:14:32] I've seen them four times since that day.

[00:14:34] They've reached out via phone but I made it clear I had no desire to mend things with that girl.

[00:14:39] I saw it as a betrayal towards me to accept her and expect me to treat her as family.

[00:14:44] My sister has stood by me.

[00:14:46] She is also mostly estranged from our parents and brother.

[00:14:49] The last time I saw them was in June.

[00:14:52] I had a family birthday party.

[00:14:54] During a quiet moment my brother told me he was getting married and our parents were standing by to jump in.

[00:14:59] I told him to save himself the money inviting me because I won't be attending and I walked away.

[00:15:05] So where the issue comes in.

[00:15:07] The most popular local florist is my best friend's mum.

[00:15:10] And she's known to have a special package for friends and family for weddings etc.

[00:15:15] One piece in particular she only does for people she's close to.

[00:15:19] My brother and his fiance want her to be the florist for their wedding and they want the bonuses of the special package.

[00:15:25] But they don't have a good relationship with her.

[00:15:28] However, I do.

[00:15:30] So my brother called me up.

[00:15:32] I ignored his call so he sent a text asking me to do a favor and ask about the special package for them.

[00:15:37] I said no and told him to leave me alone.

[00:15:40] He reached out again and asked.

[00:15:42] My parents then got involved.

[00:15:44] I told him I wanted nothing to do with this wedding and never help make the day special for them.

[00:15:49] I was told I had taken all of this too far and a small favor should not be such a big deal.

[00:15:55] But I'm destroying these relationships and will one day regret it over something so small.

[00:16:00] Am I the arsehole.

[00:16:02] As always my little disclaimer before I give my comment.

[00:16:06] I was bullied in the past.

[00:16:07] I was bullied all through high school.

[00:16:08] Made my life a living hell as well.

[00:16:12] So I do totally understand how opie is feeling.

[00:16:16] I was kick punched.

[00:16:18] Verbally abused.

[00:16:19] Embarrassed to the point of thinking some pretty dark thoughts.

[00:16:22] But I also think it's important to say that yes, of course, people do change.

[00:16:28] Bullies do sometimes.

[00:16:29] We recognize that their past behavior was shitty.

[00:16:33] Change their ways and become different people.

[00:16:35] I had three bullies when I was younger.

[00:16:38] One of them went on to become edited this bit out just in case.

[00:16:43] I ran a campaign for anti-bullying.

[00:16:46] Does that mean I forgive them?

[00:16:47] No, it doesn't.

[00:16:48] I'd never be able to forgive that person for what they did to me.

[00:16:51] If they've truly changed their ways and are running that campaign well, then fair play to them, you know.

[00:16:56] Much respect for that.

[00:16:57] But I'd never be able to forgive a person for what they did.

[00:17:00] And I'm trying to think of it from opie's perspective.

[00:17:03] If, you know, a family member brought one of my previous bullies into my home, my safe space like that,

[00:17:09] I'd feel betrayed.

[00:17:11] I would feel betrayed.

[00:17:13] What I'm most curious about is that when brother phoned you up to ask for this favor,

[00:17:17] was there any ever apology?

[00:17:19] Has she ever apologized to you or anything like that?

[00:17:22] Or are they just literally phoning up to try and get handouts from you?

[00:17:26] Absolutely ridiculous.

[00:17:27] Cheeky bastards.

[00:17:28] And then being told that you're taking this all too far just shows their thought process about what you've been through to me.

[00:17:36] And I find that absolutely heartbreaking.

[00:17:38] I'm sorry that you've gone through that opie.

[00:17:40] And, you know, I'd be done with it as well.

[00:17:43] Fair play to your sister though.

[00:17:44] She sounds like a good one.

[00:17:46] But I certainly would be doing no favors for a former bully.

[00:17:50] Let me tell you that much.

[00:17:51] But Sherbert Aniel says not the arsehole.

[00:18:06] It would be a real shame if she decided she couldn't do the flowers for their wedding at all.

[00:18:10] Just saying.

[00:18:12] OP says,

[00:18:13] Oh, she knows she'd have to hear it from me.

[00:18:16] She's aware we're no longer close and wouldn't take his word for it.

[00:18:20] Another commenter says,

[00:18:21] Have either of these people ever attended to apologize to you?

[00:18:24] A real apology.

[00:18:26] Acknowledging with specifics the harm and hurt they inflicted on you.

[00:18:30] It is not a small favor to ask you to use your influence and good reputation to gain special consideration they wouldn't otherwise be entitled to.

[00:18:37] And that's even without the fact that you have pretty good reasons to refuse doing even small favors for him.

[00:18:43] Not the arsehole.

[00:18:45] OP says,

[00:18:45] My brother never has.

[00:18:47] I don't know if she's ever willing to try because I do not speak to her and actively avoid interactions with her.

[00:18:52] Another commenter says,

[00:18:54] If I watched my first child suffer at the hands of a bully for years,

[00:18:57] I would not begrudge them noping out of the bully's wedding,

[00:19:01] even if my other child was involved.

[00:19:03] You deserve support and it's totally possible to support you and your brother in separate ways without a guilt trip or some emotional manipulation.

[00:19:10] Not the arsehole.

[00:19:12] OP says,

[00:19:13] Thank you.

[00:19:14] My sister feels that way and I'm not her child and I'm older than her.

[00:19:18] But she's loyal and loving.

[00:19:20] I'll never understand how my parents can be so okay with this.

[00:19:23] I know how much the bullying for my brother's fiance negatively impacted my teens and even my schoolwork.

[00:19:30] Coffee Weed Wynn says,

[00:19:32] Not the arsehole.

[00:19:33] Yes, people can change.

[00:19:34] Maybe she has,

[00:19:35] but she's still your bully.

[00:19:37] Someone who tormented you for many years.

[00:19:40] You're well within your rights to tell them to fuck off.

[00:19:43] On a side note,

[00:19:44] your sister sounds like a good one.

[00:19:46] Cherish her and show her how much her support and understanding mean to you.

[00:19:50] OP says,

[00:19:51] My sister is amazing and I'm so thankful to her.

[00:19:54] She knows how much I love and appreciate her too.

[00:19:57] We were always close,

[00:19:58] but even closer now as the two of us apart from our parents and brother.

[00:20:03] There was a couple of comments saying,

[00:20:06] Is she with your brother because of you?

[00:20:08] Like she's obsessed with the OP.

[00:20:10] And I thought,

[00:20:11] Fucking hell,

[00:20:11] That's a scary thought,

[00:20:12] Isn't it?

[00:20:13] Now,

[00:20:14] I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:16] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:20] I know many of you have talked about your bullying experiences in the past.

[00:20:24] Much love to you,

[00:20:25] my friends.

[00:20:26] And just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:20:29] Getting involved in the stories,

[00:20:31] your love,

[00:20:31] your support,

[00:20:32] your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:20:35] Thank you so,

[00:20:35] so much.

[00:20:36] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:20:38] Take care.

[00:20:39] And much love.