My Father Wants To Be In My Wedding Even Though He Said I'm Not His Family Years Ago r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first cheeky story. Much love guys.

[00:00:21] Now our first story comes from Sword Cat and they also posted from another account as well which was Cosmic Echoes 44 from the Am I the Arsehole here subreddit. And it says, am I the arsehole here because I didn't invite my father to my wedding because years ago he told me I was no longer part of his family. I'm 28 female and I'll be getting married next month. I didn't invite my father to the wedding but now he's trying to get in touch. I think I need to explain the context.

[00:00:49] Because it all started when I was 6 years old. When my parents got divorced after my dad cheated on my mum with my stepmother. After that I spent most of my time with my mum. But during holidays and vacations I stayed with my dad. When I was 8 my half brother Jake, 20 male was born. And whenever I was with my dad I was forced to take care of him. When I started high school I had to move in with my dad because my mum had to move abroad for work. This period was one of the hardest of my life.

[00:01:20] My stepmother wasn't a bad person. She tried to include me in things but she was very submissive to my father. As for my dad he always treated me like an extra in the house. Someone who didn't really belong there. I was constantly responsible for taking care of Jake. And whenever he went out he would only take my stepmother and Jake. Never inviting me. One of the most painful experiences happened when I was 14. My dad announced that the whole family was going to Disney for vacation.

[00:01:49] But the day before the trip he told me he wanted it to be a family moment. Their first big trip with Jake. So I was left home alone. This had already become a pattern. Trips to the beach, zoos or other outings always included just my stepmother and Jake while I was left behind.

[00:02:06] My dad didn't like me going out with friends or inviting them over. He said teenagers together only cause trouble. And because he was controlling he would call the house phone at random times to check if I was home.

[00:02:18] He also had a trusted neighbor who'd keep an eye on me to make sure I didn't have any visitors.

[00:02:23] When I turned 16, living with him, the feeling of being an extra only got worse. Everything I had experienced during vacations, the exclusion and sense of abandonment became part of my daily life.

[00:02:37] Things came to a head when I turned 18. My dad got a promotion at work and decided to take a family trip to Europe.

[00:02:44] Since it was my last year of high school, I was excited thinking I'd finally be included.

[00:02:50] But then he told me he didn't have enough money for a trip for four. So it'd just be to celebrate Jake's 10th birthday.

[00:02:56] I had to stay home. That's when I snapped. I told him he was being unfair and that he shouldn't have given me false hope.

[00:03:04] I explained how it felt over the past years and he called me ungrateful and spoiled, saying that I lived with him rent free.

[00:03:11] Which was a lie since my mom sent money to support me and I did all the housework because both he and my stepmother worked late.

[00:03:18] The argument escalated and he kicked me out of the house, saying I was no longer part of the family and not even his daughter.

[00:03:24] He literally threw me out and tossed my things onto the sidewalk.

[00:03:28] Luckily, a friend lived nearby and I stayed at her place that night.

[00:03:32] The next day I went back to see if my dad had calmed down, but I found my things still on the sidewalk and some even in the trash.

[00:03:40] My stepmother had kindly saved a few items for me and handed them over.

[00:03:44] After that, my dad never reached out, except a call and yell at me a month later when my mom stopped sending in money for my expenses.

[00:03:51] A few months later, I got into an engineering program in another state where I met my now fiancé, Mark, 29 male.

[00:03:59] He was a senior and we soon connected, realizing we had a lot in common.

[00:04:03] We started dating, graduated and now work in the same field, though at different companies.

[00:04:10] A few months ago, Mark proposed and I happily said yes.

[00:04:13] I have social media, but I rarely use it.

[00:04:16] I've had Instagram for about six years, but haven't even posted 10 pictures.

[00:04:20] I think one of my relatives must have told my dad about the wedding because about a month after I accepted the proposal,

[00:04:26] he reached out to me through Instagram, saying he was excited to help with the wedding.

[00:04:30] I was surprised both that he had messaged me and that he genuinely thought he would walk me down the aisle.

[00:04:36] I responded saying he wouldn't be walking me down the aisle because my stepfather would

[00:04:40] and that the wedding would be small just for my close family.

[00:04:43] After that, I blocked him.

[00:04:45] After blocking him and inspired by reading Reddit stories, I expected calls, messages and even letters full of insults like ungrateful or spoiled.

[00:04:54] However, the only thing I received was a letter delivered by Jake.

[00:04:58] Yes, we still have contact.

[00:05:00] In the letter, my father expressed how sorry he was.

[00:05:02] I won't copy the exact words, but to summarize, he said that after kicking me out, he lived a normal life with my stepmother and Jake.

[00:05:10] But when he saw pictures of my graduation with my mom and stepfather, he started feeling regret.

[00:05:16] He wanted to talk to me, but his pride held him back.

[00:05:19] He only decided to reach out now because he realized that his pride got him nowhere

[00:05:23] and that he wanted to fulfill one of the plans he made when I was born.

[00:05:27] To pay for my wedding and walk me down the aisle.

[00:05:31] Honestly, I don't know what to do.

[00:05:33] I moved on with my life and his attempt at redemption after so many years feels a bit too convenient.

[00:05:39] Am I the asshole for not wanting to include my dad in my wedding despite his apology?

[00:05:44] Notes, my stepfather is an amazing person.

[00:05:47] He always goes out of his way to include me in everything.

[00:05:50] And my stepsisters are wonderful as well.

[00:05:52] When he found out that my father hadn't taken me to Disney,

[00:05:56] he planned a trip for the next holiday and took me along with my mother and sisters.

[00:06:00] This and a thousand other reasons why I want to walk down the aisle with him.

[00:06:05] Edit 1, people are asking why my mom and stepfather left me with my dad and what their jobs are.

[00:06:10] My mom works as a programmer and managed to get a job abroad.

[00:06:14] She thought it was best to accept it, especially since she wanted to save up a good amount of money

[00:06:18] to cover college expenses for the future.

[00:06:21] My stepfather is a researcher and was doing his postdoctoral work at the time.

[00:06:25] The first person to talk to me was my older sister, stepsister, two days after I was kicked out.

[00:06:32] She came to see me and even stayed for a few days, which I can barely remember because I was just crying.

[00:06:37] But I didn't move in with her because she lives in another state.

[00:06:40] And I was almost done with classes and final exams.

[00:06:43] So my friend and bridesmaid let me stay at her house.

[00:06:47] Her parents helped me gather my things and even set up the guest room for me.

[00:06:52] Obviously dad's an absolute arsehole in this situation.

[00:06:55] And quite frankly, why would you want him back in your life?

[00:06:58] What has he offered up to this point?

[00:07:00] Nothing.

[00:07:01] These are his regrets.

[00:07:03] And quite frankly, he has to live with them.

[00:07:05] That's the choices he made.

[00:07:06] Who would do that to your own kid?

[00:07:09] Absolutely disgusting.

[00:07:10] But the mum doesn't sit right with me in this situation as well.

[00:07:14] Obviously, I don't know the full ins and outs of their situation.

[00:07:17] She might not.

[00:07:18] But I'm assuming the mum knew of some of the situation when she was going to her dad's place and the way that she was treated.

[00:07:25] So then to leave her there to further her career and then not returning when she was thrown out of the house.

[00:07:32] I don't know.

[00:07:32] It's not sitting right with me.

[00:07:35] But turmeric ping says, not the arsehole.

[00:07:38] Your bio father's regrets are his problem, not yours.

[00:07:41] Your real father, your stepfather, the man who treated you as a father should, is the one who should walk you down the aisle.

[00:07:47] That other guy is just a bad memory to put behind you.

[00:07:51] Copperfeather says bio father treated OP like a pet he didn't want.

[00:07:55] Stepfather treated OP like his third daughter.

[00:07:58] Bio father multiple times deliberately excluded OP from family trips.

[00:08:02] Stepfather went out of his way to include OP in trips.

[00:08:05] My father kicked OP out of his house yet still expected to be paid.

[00:08:09] Stepfather did not act like a douchebag.

[00:08:11] There is no contest here.

[00:08:13] Cutie Casey says you are absolutely not the arsehole.

[00:08:16] Your dad made his choices and completely shut you out for years.

[00:08:20] Treating you like an outsider in his own family.

[00:08:23] Now that he wants to play the dad card because you're getting married.

[00:08:26] It feels more like a convenient afterthought than genuine remorse.

[00:08:30] You've built a loving and supportive family with your mom and stepfather who actually care about you.

[00:08:36] It's totally valid to want them by your side and such a significant day.

[00:08:40] Your happiness matters.

[00:08:42] And you deserve to celebrate with those who truly appreciate you.

[00:08:47] Constructive No says I bet it's because news of the engagement has spread and people have started asking him about his daughter's wedding.

[00:08:54] OP says he seemed genuine.

[00:08:56] But the only thing I can picture him being excited about here is finding ways to make this about himself again.

[00:09:01] If I were OP, I would totally keep no contact.

[00:09:04] It really doesn't seem worth whatever bullshit he's going to spew at the wedding and reception.

[00:09:09] If he truly were remorseful, then he wouldn't be assuming shit.

[00:09:13] He would be reaching out and telling OP how sorry he was that he missed her and that he wants to be there for her on the wedding and meet with her again beforehand.

[00:09:21] He would understand that it takes time to build a relationship back again and accept being able to attend the wedding as a guest.

[00:09:28] Luffy Direwolf says if he were remorseful, he could have sent her a check to pay for the wedding.

[00:09:33] An apology with an explanation of his regret and no ask for himself whatsoever.

[00:09:38] So OP comes in with their update and says I'm back with an update but first let me explain why I'm using a different account.

[00:09:45] The account I originally posted from belonged to my friend.

[00:09:48] I'm not very active on social media so I didn't create an account just to post something I didn't expect would get so much attention.

[00:09:55] I thought there would be at most one follow up to share whether or not I invited my dad to the wedding.

[00:10:00] However, some people started asking why there were inconsistencies like the age difference or why I mentioned my parents were married in one post and not in this one.

[00:10:09] Well, that's why.

[00:10:11] The story you read belonged to my friend.

[00:10:13] The same friend who let me stay with her.

[00:10:15] She also encouraged me to share my own story since I wanted opinions from neutral people.

[00:10:20] Not those close to me or my dad.

[00:10:22] And wow, did I get a lot of feedback.

[00:10:25] Now, regarding the comments, I want to thank everyone for helping me see things I hadn't noticed before.

[00:10:30] Especially in how my dad's letter was written.

[00:10:33] For those wondering, yes, he mostly talked about his feelings and how he felt.

[00:10:37] Very little was said about me and even less was about apologizing.

[00:10:41] He also mentioned how I'm his only daughter while my stepdaughter has two daughters to walk down the aisle.

[00:10:46] But he only has me.

[00:10:49] For those asking why I didn't move abroad with my mom and stepfather.

[00:10:52] They were supposed to be away for three to five years.

[00:10:56] With my mom likely needing to change companies every year.

[00:10:59] My stepfather was also deep in his research.

[00:11:02] So their lives were pretty unstable.

[00:11:04] At the time, I didn't anticipate how much I'd suffer or that I'd be kicked out.

[00:11:09] I think the rare times I spent with my dad and the feeling of being left behind would fade whenever I was with my mom and stepfather.

[00:11:15] This cycle became my routine.

[00:11:17] Which is why I stayed with my sperm donor.

[00:11:19] And for those asking if my mom knew what was going on.

[00:11:23] I only told her about the Disney incident.

[00:11:25] I didn't want to bring issues from one home into another.

[00:11:29] Now, for the update.

[00:11:31] For some background on my mom.

[00:11:33] She returned two years after I started college.

[00:11:36] And my real dad came back a year after that.

[00:11:39] It was my sisters who attended my high school graduation.

[00:11:42] My mom now lives two hours away.

[00:11:44] So I went to visit her to discuss what had happened.

[00:11:46] And to get her and my stepfather's thoughts on the situation.

[00:11:49] My mom said it was something I had to decide on my own.

[00:11:52] And that she wouldn't interfere.

[00:11:54] My stepfather told me he'd help pay for the wedding regardless of what I chose to do.

[00:11:58] Yes, he's helping with some expenses.

[00:12:01] My sisters, on the other hand, share the same opinion as most of you.

[00:12:04] Not to invite him and to send him a letter detailing everything I went through.

[00:12:09] My older sister, let's call her Lisa, was the most against inviting him.

[00:12:13] Lisa was the first person to check on me.

[00:12:16] Today I learned that on the same day she came to see me at my friend's house.

[00:12:19] She also stopped to talk to my dad.

[00:12:22] She hadn't mentioned it before because according to her.

[00:12:24] He only spouted nonsense.

[00:12:26] And sharing it at the time would have just made things worse for me.

[00:12:29] That's why she's completely against me reconnecting with him.

[00:12:32] For those curious about what he said,

[00:12:35] she didn't go into details but mentioned that it angered her so much

[00:12:38] she ended up shouting at him.

[00:12:40] Calling him every name under the sun.

[00:12:42] She thinks that maybe one of the reasons he didn't reach out sooner.

[00:12:46] She thinks that added fuel to the fire.

[00:12:48] We talked a lot.

[00:12:49] Not just about my dad but about myself as well.

[00:12:52] I realized that even with therapy I went through during college,

[00:12:55] there was something important I hadn't done.

[00:12:57] I never truly opened up to my parents.

[00:13:00] I always thought I had to face and overcome everything alone.

[00:13:03] All I did though was bottle everything up.

[00:13:06] Today I was finally able to unpack it all and share my feelings.

[00:13:10] After a lot of tears I hugged them both.

[00:13:12] And here's what I've decided.

[00:13:14] I will respond to his letter.

[00:13:17] Unfortunately for Mark and Lisa,

[00:13:19] it won't be the harsh response they were hoping for.

[00:13:22] I'd like to take some of your advice and express how I felt when he kicked me out.

[00:13:25] I'll be polite but honest.

[00:13:27] I'll also let him know that my stepfather will walk me down the aisle because that's what I want.

[00:13:32] I won't offer further explanations to him.

[00:13:35] After all, this is my wedding with Mark and it will be exactly how we want it.

[00:13:39] Without the need for justifications.

[00:13:43] I will not accept any money from him.

[00:13:46] Nor will I send him an invitation.

[00:13:48] If my dad truly wants to reconcile,

[00:13:50] he can reach out to me through Jake.

[00:13:52] But only after the wedding or honeymoon and it will be on my terms.

[00:13:55] As someone suggested,

[00:13:57] we're going to hire security for the wedding no matter how my dad reacts.

[00:14:01] For those wondering, yes, Jake has been invited.

[00:14:04] As I mentioned, we still have a good relationship and he's allowed to take photos.

[00:14:09] Some comments on the back of that one.

[00:14:12] They said, well done.

[00:14:13] He doesn't deserve anything.

[00:14:15] But you can be a bit harsh in your letter.

[00:14:17] Even brutally honest.

[00:14:19] That's what he deserves.

[00:14:21] Corfid says, yes, please be very, very direct about what he put you through.

[00:14:26] He also mentioned how I'm his only daughter.

[00:14:28] Well, my stepfather has two daughters to walk down the aisle,

[00:14:30] but he only has me.

[00:14:31] And then says, I'll tell him that he very explicitly told you that you were not family.

[00:14:35] So now, in fact, your stepdad has three daughters and he has none.

[00:14:40] If he's not around for your hard times, he can't be around for your good times.

[00:14:44] Simple as that.

[00:14:44] He's narcissist scum.

[00:14:46] Don't let him back in your life.

[00:14:48] He'll only bring chaos.

[00:14:50] Dude says, good luck with everything.

[00:14:52] Hope your wedding day goes beautifully.

[00:14:55] These kind of people always want to be invited for the big events

[00:14:58] because they think they deserve the recognition

[00:15:00] and don't want to be embarrassed by people asking about their absence.

[00:15:04] But truthfully, if this was about a genuine reconciliation,

[00:15:07] he'd be doing it on a regular day,

[00:15:09] not starting making demands to be included in your wedding day.

[00:15:13] And that's exactly it, isn't it?

[00:15:14] It's just way too coincidental that the wedding's coming around.

[00:15:18] Oh, now he's getting in touch about it all.

[00:15:20] And like I said before, what's he brought to your life?

[00:15:23] It seems like he's only brought pain into your life.

[00:15:25] So, you know, any sort of reconciliation would just be for his benefit.

[00:15:30] Just make him feel better because he's having regrets.

[00:15:33] He's treated you like shit for who knows how long.

[00:15:38] Left a 14-year-old home alone while they all went on a trip to Disney.

[00:15:43] He literally chucked you out the house at 18.

[00:15:46] You know, fuck this guy.

[00:15:48] He didn't deserve no second chance.

[00:15:51] It's as simple as that.

[00:15:52] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:15:56] Maybe I'm missing something here.

[00:15:57] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:16:00] And let's move on to another story.

[00:16:04] Now, our next story comes from the Am I the Asshole subreddit from Status Pokerface who says,

[00:16:10] Am I the Asshole?

[00:16:11] I told him I would never again bake him something.

[00:16:15] My husband is lactose intolerant.

[00:16:17] But he likes banana cake.

[00:16:20] For his birthday, I baked a two-layer banana cake and made the recipe of a vegan frosting

[00:16:25] and a vegan toffee sauce that was really good.

[00:16:28] When we were going to sing the usual happy birthday song, he stood up and was walking over

[00:16:33] to the cake table while I was saying that I had baked a banana cake for him with vegan

[00:16:36] frosting and sauce.

[00:16:38] His answer in front of everyone was that he didn't know why I'd baked him some cake if

[00:16:43] I already knew he didn't like them because he has not eaten it in so many years that

[00:16:47] he doesn't even like it anymore.

[00:16:50] I felt hurt and didn't say a thing there.

[00:16:52] I thought that he would appreciate me baking a cake for his birthday because that's what

[00:16:56] his mum used to do when he was a kid and he always makes a comment about me not baking

[00:17:00] the kids' cakes.

[00:17:02] Every time I go to the local bakery, I get him a banana cake and he eats it and says how

[00:17:06] much he likes it.

[00:17:08] The rest of the celebration, I was trying to act normal but he noticed and when everyone

[00:17:12] left, he asked if I was okay.

[00:17:14] I said I was never going to bake him something.

[00:17:17] His answer was, thank you, and that I was being unfair with him because I should have already

[00:17:22] known.

[00:17:22] Worst of all was that my birthday is the same day as his.

[00:17:26] So I baked another cake for me because I wanted a chocolate cake.

[00:17:30] But this is just venting.

[00:17:32] Am I the arse or reddit?

[00:17:35] Edit, there are too many messages and I cannot reply to all of them.

[00:17:38] I agree with 99% of them and it's also good to know a different perspective.

[00:17:42] I never understand people like that.

[00:17:45] Even if, you know, for whatever reason, you didn't like the cake.

[00:17:49] Why would you do that in front of everybody?

[00:17:51] Why would you call your wife out, purposely disrespected like that?

[00:17:55] But it's not even that he doesn't like the cake because you said at the very start he

[00:17:59] likes banana cake and you also said every time you go to a local bakery, you get him a banana

[00:18:04] cake and he eats it and says how much he likes it.

[00:18:06] So why was he doing this?

[00:18:08] It's just saying that he wanted to put you down in front of everyone on purpose.

[00:18:14] But Nesta says, why on earth would your husband tell a lie in public on both of your birthdays

[00:18:19] in order to humiliate you and make you look bad in front of everyone after you put out

[00:18:24] all that special effort for him?

[00:18:25] What your husband did was extremely hostile, aggressively so.

[00:18:30] And then his gaslighty thing at last read it, actual gaslighting, where he tells you

[00:18:34] you should already know.

[00:18:36] When you do know, you know that he eats banana cake all the damn time.

[00:18:39] So?

[00:18:41] I'm not suggesting that this is the hill your marriage should die on, but lying to humiliate

[00:18:45] your wife in public on her birthday is a very, very bad look.

[00:18:49] I think that if I were you, I'd insist on marital counselling.

[00:18:52] Yesterday.

[00:18:53] And if he refused, I might take a nice little break until he agreed.

[00:18:56] It's not okay for him to do this to you.

[00:18:58] You do not have to tolerate it.

[00:19:01] Not the arsehole.

[00:19:03] Excellent says, my ex was like this.

[00:19:06] It's the reason I don't bake for men anymore unless I know it'd be appreciated.

[00:19:10] Max could never understand why he never got anything baked from me after that happened.

[00:19:14] It's amazing the cognitive dissonance some men have when they complain about what you

[00:19:18] give them and then also complain when they get nothing because you're sick of their BS.

[00:19:22] Smart story replies saying, not just men.

[00:19:25] Unfortunately, my mom's like this, but with everything I make.

[00:19:28] She gets so upset if I don't cook and bake.

[00:19:31] Yet when I do, she finds something to bitch about.

[00:19:34] She also rarely ever cooks and bakes and is left almost always to me.

[00:19:38] And one more comment from DeliciousPic who says, not the arsehole.

[00:19:41] What did he do for your birthday?

[00:19:43] Apart from humiliating you in public to make himself feel good.

[00:19:46] You didn't need to tell him you won't bake for him.

[00:19:49] Just don't.

[00:19:49] And also don't buy bakery cakes.

[00:19:51] Don't make his favourite food.

[00:19:53] Make yours.

[00:19:53] Don't buy the treats he likes.

[00:19:55] Just live your life without a care about what he thinks, feels and needs.

[00:19:59] You'll see.

[00:20:00] It's wonderful to be selfish.

[00:20:02] Holy moly.

[00:20:04] That's really got me craving banana cake now with some lovely toffee sauce.

[00:20:08] Oh, deary me.

[00:20:10] My mouth starting to water.

[00:20:13] Anyway, now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:17] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:20] What do you think the reason behind doing so?

[00:20:22] Is he just an arsehole?

[00:20:23] Is there another reason?

[00:20:24] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:20:27] And just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:20:29] Getting involved in the stories.

[00:20:30] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:20:33] So thank you so, so much.

[00:20:35] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:20:37] Take care and much love.