My Family Weaponized My Trauma To Make Me Sing At A Wedding r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Let's talk about your dream type. Oh, it's difficult. Go on. Okay, he has to be for every adventure and of course look great. And he will never let me wait for a long time. Sounds ridiculous after the new Ford Puma Gen E. He is faster than your smartphone from 10 to 80% in only 23 minutes. Then I have to try to... The new Ford Puma Gen E. Now to try to book on Ford.de.

[00:00:29] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from AnyReality580 from the AmITheArseholeHere subreddit. And it says,

[00:00:57] AmITheArsehole for refusing to sing at my brother's wedding? And there is a trigger warning on this of self-harm and suicide as well. So if you do want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. My 28 male brother, 33 male will be getting married in the four. The two of us are fairly close, more so in the past few years, which is to say that he's not ignorant about past events in my life.

[00:01:26] Recently, I got invited to dinner by him and his fiancée. The two were very obviously buttering me up to ask me something the whole time, before my brother finally told me. So, fiancé and I have been talking, and would really love it if you sang our first dance song. Just the one song. I know you don't really sing anymore, but I dug up some old videos of you singing, and she loves your voice just as much as I do. This could be your wedding present to us.

[00:01:52] For background, I used to sing all the time. I formed a band with a bunch of my friends in high school, and we were very minorly successful. We had a YouTube channel with a few hundred subscribers, and there were a handful of people that had their own recordings that were posted to their own pages. In this band was my best friend since second grade. Mason, not real name. Unfortunately, when we were 17, Mason took his own life. Additionally, I was the one who found him.

[00:02:21] The band dissolved almost immediately, and our YouTube channel and all our own videos were taken down. Since then, I have never sang. Singing without Mason felt wrong, so I didn't. Not in the shower, no karaoke sessions, not at church. Never. My brother knew all of this, but I wasn't sure if his fiancé did. So, I started off with, Sorry, I'll have to refuse. You know I don't sing anymore. In the interest of not totally ruining dinner.

[00:02:51] My brother was annoyed at hell at this. Come on! It's for my wedding! Just one song! I'm not asking for much here! And so forth. I continued to politely refuse and left soon after. Shortly after, I received countless calls from my mum, who also knows the reason why, and decided to harass me about not singing. It's your brother's wedding! I think you should really see a therapist about this. We all love your singing voice, and it's been 10 years since any of us got to hear it.

[00:03:18] The two have since decided on a new tactic by saying that my song will be a good way to honour Mason's memory. The point about therapy aside, I've been to lots of it. I'm at peace with my decision to stop singing. Am I the arsehole for refusing? It's clearly important to them. Edit. To clarify, I've really only ever performed with Mason. The joy I got from performing was not only the act of singing itself, but from performing with my best friend.

[00:03:46] Ugh, the last few lines in this where they were saying that it'd be a good way to honour Mason's memory. It's been 10 years since any of us got to hear it, making it about them. You know, it's just... It felt incredibly manipulative, weaponising Mason's memory like that. This is quite simple to me. You don't want to do it, so you shouldn't do it. And they should be respecting that. Just because it's been over 10 years doesn't mean Opie has to get over it. Some things we don't move on from.

[00:04:15] We just learn to live with them in our own way. And his family needs to understand that his refusal to sing isn't about them or the wedding. It's about preserving something deeply personal that was between him and his lost friend. And again, we talk about grief a lot on this channel and it's another story that really highlights how personal and individual grief can be. And we've seen it time and time again in these stories. I've seen it in real life as well. How people have this expectation that after a certain amount of time,

[00:04:44] whatever it is, 5, 10, sometimes even months that you should be over it or and be able to return to what you was doing before. But you know, we all know grief doesn't work like that. There's no right way to grieve. There's no timeline for when you should be ready to, you know, revisit painful memories. And it's just something you learn to carry in your own way. So Opie added an edit shortly after that post and said, okay, y'all, this is overwhelming. Let me throw a few things in one.

[00:05:13] I don't know if my future sister-in-law is aware of the full situation or not. I'd like to think she doesn't, but I'd rather not poke that hornet's nest until I have to. Yes, I have been to therapy. Singing is something I did with Mason. Well, before we started a full band. It very much feels like a part of my life that belongs in the past. As I said in the edits, my joy is not from singing. It's from performing with him. Quoting, is that what Mason would have wanted? And then says, I don't know. He's not around to ask anymore.

[00:05:44] The extended family is not blowing up my phone. It's two people and it's not blowing it up. My mum called repeatedly in one day and has tried to throw it in a few times since. My brother is mostly giving me the cold shoulder. It's only been a few weeks since this conversation took place. To whomever said, it's been 10 years. You're not good enough to sing at a wedding. Thank you. I genuinely laughed at this. It's a good point too. I probably sound like a donkey kicked me in the throat. And no, I don't post a lot.

[00:06:14] This is a throwaway I barely use. A commenter said to OP, not the arsehole. Your mum and brother should see a therapist. As usual, wedding plan turns some people into monsters. Big says, it's your voice and your choice. Your brother, mother and more than likely your brother's fiancee. Know why you no longer sing. Just because it's a wedding doesn't mean you must revisit your trauma. Not the arsehole.

[00:06:41] Sir Ed Kellett says, OP, reach out to the fiancee privately. Ask her to meet for a coffee at a Starbucks or something. Explain to her the reason why you don't sing. If you can do it without re-traumatizing yourself. Don't sugarcoat anything. Explain just how traumatic it was. Use a lot of imagery. Talk about how there was your friend, your bandmate, the person who was there every time you sung. Dead and what his body looked like. Don't hold back. Ideally, she'd be looking a little green around the gills

[00:07:10] when you're done describing your experience. Tell her that every time since then you've even thought of singing. That image is what comes in your head. And if she has any respect for you at all, she will understand that you want the wedding to be a happy thing and not have thoughts of discovering your dead friend. Furthermore, you hope she can understand that this is your decision and it's not a chapter of your life you're willing to revisit right now. And I say this with full respect. If she doesn't understand and accept that, just stop trying with them.

[00:07:39] Go to the wedding if you want or don't because brothers are supposed to respect each other and then not respecting your no answer is totally disrespectful. If family gets ganged in on this, write out every gory detail of the trauma and post it for all them to read. Whoever reads that and still tries to tell you to sing, just block them out of your life. People like that are not a support system or a positive influence. Your life is better off without them. So two and a half weeks later, OP comes in with her update and says,

[00:08:08] Okay, I don't know if I have to do anything special to update people that commented update me on the last post, but here we are. This is premature, but since the post I made was more popular than I expected or wanted, I thought I'd give a small update. Future sister-in-law reached out to me because a washer broke and she wanted to come over and do a quick load of laundry. I wasn't thrilled about this, but I live close enough. I have an in-unit and the laundromats in our area are not the safest.

[00:08:35] I was content to just watch TV silently in my tiny apartment while we waited. But she of course had something to discuss. I thought for sure she'd be the third person to try and convince me, but no. Instead, she told me that she wasn't sure if my brother was giving her the full story. She told me that he used to sing all the time. He was in a band, but he quit when the band broke up. Which is technically true, but come on. I also learned that he had told many of his friends too,

[00:09:04] about how he's always trying to convince me to come around and sing for all of them. He'd literally never asked before the conversation, but was prone to making comments like, Boy, it sure sucked you don't sing anymore. I know a lot of people that would want to hear that. So, I briefly told her about Mason. Just the important bits. That I used to sing with him, then he died, so I don't have any desire to do so anymore. She didn't say anything for a while, but I saw her face go through a dozen different emotions,

[00:09:32] and I'm pretty sure she settled on anger. Before she left, she just told me that she's going to tell my brother to get someone else to sing. I got the distinct feeling that it's not going to be a pleasant conversation. So, that's it so far. All quiet. Fingers crossed. I hope he added an edit in the comments of the update and says, Hi y'all. Again, the response on this has been much larger than anticipated. I just need to get something off my chest and hopefully, I don't come across as overly aggressive. Regarding the obnoxious comments saying,

[00:10:02] Is that what Mason would want? I don't know. He's not around to ask anymore. The dead tend to not have opinions. I have over a decade to process this via therapy. Putting it in all caps this time. But I truly hope the people who comment this don't ever try to approach on someone who just experienced a loss. Regardless of intentions, it is grossly manipulative. And again, for the people in the back. I didn't stop singing because I thought that's what Mason would want

[00:10:29] or survive his guilt or because I was actually secretly in love with him. Yes, real DM I received. I stopped because I love singing with my musical partner, who is now gone. I no longer find the act enjoyable. And the top three comments on that one said, Go future sister-in-law. At least you have someone in your corner and sorry for your loss. Dragonkelt says, Points to her for being able to pick up on, this can't possibly be the full story. And calmly going to the source. Short classroom says, Your brother is a jerk.

[00:10:59] Hope she chooses us out. At least now she understands. And hopefully going forward, she'll have your back and correct him when he says this shit to other people. And good on sister-in-law in this situation. She didn't try the tactics the other family members tried, but just went for an honest conversation. And that's all it took. A little listening and understanding, a little empathy to understand why someone's boundary existed in the first place. No buts in there. No trying to convince OP to do otherwise.

[00:11:28] Just respecting OP's decision. It did leave me wondering after, I wonder what the sister-in-law's and brother's relationship, what will happen to it after that? Because it was a little bit eye-opening, wasn't it? That the way he's been telling his side of the story to sister-in-law. Nothing about the trauma that happened in the past. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:12:18] Hmm, then I have to... Probefahren! The new Ford Puma Gen E. Now book a test on Ford.de. Find new stories from Disney at Audible. Find car rides into the shadow. Find evenings in Jedi adventures. Find sleep time in a trip with Olaf.

[00:12:48] Your listening experience for the whole family. Only at Audible. See more if you hear. Now, our next story comes from the Am I Wrong subreddit from Weekly Ear 256. And it says, My daughter is sad because I attended my niece's art showcase instead of her theatre showcase. Am I wrong? My daughter, 15 female,

[00:13:17] had her school's winter showcase last weekend. It wasn't a full play, but a collection of scenes and monologues from different performances that drama students have been working on. My daughter had a good role in one of the featured scenes and was really excited about it. While she never outright asked me to be there, I knew it was important to her. The issue was that my niece, 16 female, had her first big art showcase the same night. My sister's husband passed away when my niece was little. And since then, I've stepped in where I can.

[00:13:48] My niece is incredibly talented in painting and this was her first time having her work displayed in a real gallery alongside other student artists. My niece made it clear leading up to the event that she really wanted me there. I had already told her beforehand that I couldn't come because I was going to my daughter's showcase. And while she said she understood, I could tell she was sad. The night before the event, however, she called me and broke down in tears telling me how much it would mean for her to have me there.

[00:14:16] She said she felt like this was one of the biggest moments of her life and she wanted me to be proud of her the way a dad would be. That completely shattered me. I felt like if I didn't go, I'd be letting her down in a way that would stay with her for a long time. So after the call, I spoke with my daughter and my wife and asked them if I could go to my niece's showcase. And they did give me the go ahead. However, the day after the event, my daughter was really sad and upset.

[00:14:43] I did feel guilty, but also I did ask for permission from both her and my wife before I decided to go to my niece's showcase. My wife, however, told me that I should have stuck to my original plan regardless and that our daughter has even cried a few times since her showcase. Am I wrong? Ah, gee, bloody whiz. I literally put my face in my hands when I saw about the giving permission part. You put your 15 year old daughter in a position where she either had to choose to be the bad guy in the situation

[00:15:13] or suppress her own hurt. I'm just like, how can you not see that? A commenter said to OP, they said, so your niece wanted you there like a father would. But the child you were actually a father to isn't as important. That's what you told her. That comment was from huge nefariousness. OP left a comment that, you know, was just downvoted in the end. And it said, My sister was at the art showcase too, but my niece was still really emotional about me being at the event.

[00:15:41] She sees me as a father figure and having me there specifically meant a lot to her. My wife and her friend did attend my daughter's showcase, so my daughter wasn't alone, but she was upset I wasn't there. The art gallery was going to be on display for a while, but the event itself, the opening night where students were presenting their work was just for that night. I really wish I could have attended both. If I could have attended one earlier in the day and the other later, I absolutely would have. I don't know.

[00:16:09] And after that comment, it just felt even worse for me. You know, she had her mum there at the same time. And I'm not bashing on the niece here because the niece clearly has a lot of stuff going on. But OP is creating this dynamic where his own daughter's having to compete for attention with her cousin. And pretty much knowing that she's always going to lose because her cousin's emotional needs seem to be more important. Merlin Smurf says you are wrong. You need your wife to tell you how upset your daughter would be.

[00:16:37] You failed and I guarantee your daughter will never forget this. What your daughter was doing is a live performance compared to stationary art, which can be viewed at any time. Why couldn't you see your daughter perform and then go to the art show? I'm broken hearted for your daughter. You need to find some very special way to make this up to her. Commenter says in quotes OP saying I knew it was important to her and then says you're the arsehole stuck between two people. However, your kid comes first, especially when you already told your niece no.

[00:17:04] You chose your niece over your daughter and seeing how easily your wife and daughter gave up. I'm guessing this wasn't the first time you pulled that. Don't be surprised when your daughter says she doesn't want a relationship with you. Odin says you're the arsehole. You had permission means you guilted her into accepting that you would not be there. No matter how you spin it, you put your niece ahead of your own child. She will not forget this. If it has not already permanently damaged your relationship with your child, how you apologize and move forward in the coming hours and days will.

[00:17:33] Do better. And one more comment from Kinda New around here who says you are wrong. Your own daughter comes first every single time. Your daughter doesn't have to specifically invite you to an event. That is a given that parents will be attending. Read that again. It's a given that parents will be there. Where were you? Uncle-ing before fathering? Just know. Question. How is the relationship between your daughter and niece, seeing they're so close in age? Are they like sisters or are there issues?

[00:18:02] Like cousin is jealous that your daughter has a dad and is competing with your daughter for your time, even though your daughter does not compete with her. You need to have a good think about that. So, a couple of weeks later, OP comes in with her update and says, Hey everyone, so the past couple of weeks have not been easy. I understand what I did was not okay and I truly didn't get the depth of what my daughter was feeling until I had a long talk with her where she bared her feelings. And when she cried and cried and cried. It really drove home that I was the one responsible for all of this.

[00:18:32] However, I think yesterday was a really special day. My wife encouraged me to take our daughter out the whole day and make it special for her. So I did. We did a lot of fun things yesterday. Went to a movie, shopping where I got her a bunch of gifts, lunch and dinner at a nice restaurant. It was a really special day. At the end of the day, when my daughter and I came back home, she hugged me for minutes. It was the first in a long time she did that. And it was really special.

[00:18:59] Now having said all that, I don't think what my niece did was wrong at all. I was the one wrong, not her. She just wanted a father-like figure to attend one of the most important days for her life. I met with my sister and her a couple of days ago. And I told them that we had to be more discreet. Ah dear. And also more empathetic to my daughter. I told them that we can still hang out and we can still do fun things, but I can't do it at the expense of my daughter anymore. My sister and my niece were really open to it.

[00:19:28] And we actually had a great day and did a lot of fun things that evening. My sister and my niece are genuinely nice and empathetic people. And I couldn't be luckier to have them in my life. I will still hang out with them, because both are really important to me. But if there's a conflict with my daughter in the future, I will choose my daughter first. And the top commenter on this one says, If it were possible for a parent to cheat on their kid with another kid, this is what it would look like. Eight nights for the main one, then pop right over to see the side one.

[00:19:58] My face is scrunched up like a cabbage right now. There was parts of it where I thought, oh, maybe he's learning here. Not that I think that giving gifts is the way to solve issues. But I guess there was just this hope in me that maybe, just maybe he saw the error of his ways. But then it sort of got to the second half of the update. He said, I don't think my niece did was wrong at all. And look, I've got empathy for the niece. Like I said in the first part of the story, I think she's probably going for a lot of trauma herself and dealing with a lot of things.

[00:20:26] But I don't think OP is helping in this situation. What she did in the first part of the post, which might seem a bit brutal, but it did feel manipulative. But regardless, in this update, OP seemed to make excuses again and then said, And I had to read it a couple of times because the wording was just wild for me that he said, And I told them that we had to be more discreet. And in my head that was just screaming they're going to be hiding them doing the fun things. And it just makes me think that we're heading for a proper dog's dinner here.

[00:20:56] It's going to be messy. And it just felt like he really didn't learn much in the end. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time, it always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being involved. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. Have much love.

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