My Family Is Using My College Money To Fund Medical Costs For Our Father r/Relationships

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[00:00:52] Much love guys. Now, today's first story comes from Auring General 7902 from the M.I.V. Arsenal subreddit. And before we do get involved with this story, I just want to give you a warning that does contain talk of cancer. So if you want to skip the story, please feel free to do so. Time stamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. And let's get started. This title and I, the Arsenal here for getting upset with my family for using money. That was meant for my college to fund present and future medical costs.

[00:01:21] I am 17. I am the youngest of four. The age gap between our mother and father was fairly large. Our mother passed away from cancer back in 2019. Each of my siblings had their entire college tuition paid in full. Now because our father has fallen ill, my siblings have taken upon themselves to make sure all of our father's money goes towards his present and future medical costs.

[00:01:45] Turns out my father made the oldest his power of attorney. And my brother's logic is I can borrow money to go to school, but borrowing for medical care is not as easy. I understand this, but I still find it unfair. Especially because all of my siblings make good money. Each of them are driving 100k plus cars.

[00:02:05] I got upset with my siblings calling them a bunch of names because they could afford to pay for the care our father needs. Yet they don't and rather screw up my future. I am the Arsenal for snapping and feeling as if my siblings are screwing the over.

[00:02:20] Edit. The clarity, the money is not part of a college fund or anything like that. It was just money that was saved and set aside for me. Each of us also had the same amount, 150k.

[00:02:31] 150k did go much farther being older and college being cheaper, but that is a different topic. So as always there was some additional information. On the back of someone saying your dad can revoke the power of attorney, he says do not think he can.

[00:02:47] Since it is a springing power of attorney, whatever that means. To explain it to me, it appears he did try. A rolled man has a bunch of medical issues but due to a TBI who was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment.

[00:03:02] I have spoken to them with our dad present and our dad told them he would want to use the money for my college. But they said that it is not in his best interest because then he will have less to fund his own medical costs.

[00:03:14] It appears there is a power of attorney. It is his duty to do what is in the best interest of our father. In covering medical costs appears to trump paying for my college, even if that is what he wishes.

[00:03:25] Someone says you could try a lawyer. Opie says yeah. My old man spoke with a lawyer when he found out what they were doing and he was told roughly trying to revoke it would be rough. Especially when the water pointed is doing what is in the best interest of my father. Edit. I know not much can be done.

[00:03:43] I don't know. I probably just made the post for some level of validation that I am not completely an atotal asshole for how I feel. Sadly he did speak with a lawyer about this and the lawyer said my brother could fight it because unfortunately the choice to take money away from his own care to give to me for college could be argued not in his best interest as a lack of understanding about his condition.

[00:04:04] The fact that it is already active makes it hard to revoke it without good cause. Someone says selling a car is objectively easier than alone. Opie says I bought this up but they brushed it off saying our father should use his money to fund his medical costs for as long as possible.

[00:04:21] I get the mindset but why go against what our father wished he wants to use the money to cover my college education. They took that away from him and myself or because they do not want to use their own money to cover our dad's medical costs.

[00:04:35] Someone says I can show how magnanimous they are with their wallet. Opie says doubt they will do that. They would just throw back in my face who will fund our dad's care.

[00:04:45] I don't know why not you guys. Not like you are poor. I will just be called selfish and told I can borrow money for school. I cannot borrow towards for their own retirement and that cannot borrow all his medical expenses but he has no way to pay it back.

[00:04:59] Almost likely never speak to these fucks again. And someone says well you can do community college and then transfer Opie says true.

[00:05:07] I did get into some good schools and I am a year ahead but I can take one year off to figure out my next steps.

[00:05:13] I will speak with our college advisor and see what is up. But now we are going to go straight to Opie's update which says thank you for the replies.

[00:05:21] I did want to clear up one thing since whatever reason people are thinking I do not care about my father being ill.

[00:05:27] Of course I do, this is not about that. With my siblings did not have the means albeit with some sacrifice to cover our father's medical expenses would not be here.

[00:05:36] I would understand that his care comes first. They could afford it each of them makes very good money.

[00:05:42] Hell the oldest himself owns seven multi-unit properties. He could most likely afford to cover the care himself without feeding it too much.

[00:05:50] This is why I am upset. Even our father is upset because he thought my older brother would understand that what he wants most in life is for all of us to be happy and successful.

[00:06:01] Please do not think that I am not upset my father as ill. I am but this post is not about my father's illness.

[00:06:07] Thank you for all the suggestions. We will try one more time to have my father and our family sit in front of his lawyer to see what can be done.

[00:06:15] My father has already spoken with one and he has told me that it will be an uphill battle due to his medical issues but exactly being something that does get better but more so ebbs and flows.

[00:06:26] So the likelihood of his care levels increasing as time goes on is extremely likely. Even still we will see if we can come to some agreement maybe not pay for everything, maybe just earmarked two years worth or provide me a zero interest loan against our father's assets.

[00:06:41] If not so I will speak to my school's college advisor and see what can be done. This is in my final year in school. Just hit 17 so I can take the next year off to figure out what can be done.

[00:06:53] I do have money. I have saved up for my job so I can afford two years of community and hopefully with the a b credit that will lower the cost even further.

[00:07:01] I just have to speak with the advisor and see if that is the best course of action or if I should take classes to pat out the GPA in transcript.

[00:07:09] I also know I am not entitled to my father's money. The difference is this is what my father also wants.

[00:07:16] I am annoyed because my older brother may be within his legal right to do what he is doing but it hurts because he is also going against the wishes of our father.

[00:07:23] Either way thanks for the information and advice.

[00:07:27] Couple more bits of information someone says how close you in your siblings. Hope he says would not exactly say close.

[00:07:34] Age gap between us from oldest to youngest is 25 to 15 years. We grew up vastly different lives.

[00:07:42] If I had the means of course I would pay them back. I would also help pay for our father's care.

[00:07:47] Slipping the cost across all of us just makes sense. Someone says your dad living is more important. Hope he says I do care about my father.

[00:07:55] The thing is this post is not about my father. If my family did not have the means I would understand they do 100% have the means.

[00:08:02] Would it mean cutting back on stuff? Most likely they would not go broke even more so if they split it between the three of them.

[00:08:10] Each of them do very well for themselves. We do not have to live in a world where our father does not care and I do not get the same opportunity they had.

[00:08:18] This is also why my father is upset. He has other means to cover medical costs. The house, LTC insurance, other investments my oldest sibling is trying to min max our father's money so it lasts long as humanly possible.

[00:08:32] I understand but it still sucks.

[00:08:35] From a legal standpoint I wonder if he could transfer the money anyway because it is not an interest or any sort of college fund.

[00:08:45] Therefore passing the money over would be a gift which if he will rely on some form of benefits I do not think you can do.

[00:08:54] I do not know the legalities behind that but it was a similar thing with my father although we are covered by the NHS.

[00:09:00] To get some of the benefits that my father did receive you need to be very careful with the money.

[00:09:05] The real sad thing is that from what I have seen, I do not know much about US care system and stuff like that but I have seen some bills of like a broken arm or something like that.

[00:09:19] I feel bad saying it. I just do not think that money is going to last very long anyway considering the treatment if it is similar to what my father went through.

[00:09:29] Again, it might not be.

[00:09:31] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:09:35] I have to be honest, the comments were back and forth. Some people are understanding OPs frustration.

[00:09:42] Some people are getting it from the family as a whole point of view and just saying it is a very difficult situation.

[00:09:49] Other people say the brothers should be contributing, they got a lot, they had a free ride etc.

[00:09:53] What are your thoughts on this? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:09:57] Let us move on to another story.

[00:09:59] And our next story does come with an update as well from the raised by narcissists subreddit.

[00:10:05] Greed Princess who says,

[00:10:07] My parents won't attend my wedding.

[00:10:10] In 2021, fresh out of college I moved to a new state for a job.

[00:10:15] Facing high rent, the Scots family friends of my parents offered me their guesthouse for a mere $300 a month.

[00:10:22] Little did I know this seemingly sweet deal would lead to a year of turmoil.

[00:10:27] The Scots long time friends and business partners of my parents had three kids.

[00:10:33] As soon as I settled in, the Scots became excessively involved in my personal life, particularly my relationship.

[00:10:40] The situation took a dark turn as they fabricated scenarios to my parents, accusing me of from a skewerty rarely being home and even planning to secretly move in with my boyfriend.

[00:10:50] They disdain for my boyfriend was palpable, treating him with passive aggression, condescension and even making derogatory comments about him being adopted.

[00:11:00] Interference escalated with family meetings where they labelled me as a poor influence on their teenage daughter, criticizing my boyfriend whom they only met three times.

[00:11:11] And I have to add my boyfriend and I don't drink or smoke and both have careers.

[00:11:16] My boyfriend is a perfectly good man and was always respectful to them despite their poor treatment.

[00:11:22] The dad of the Scots family went to the extent of sharing his marriage problems and lack of sex life.

[00:11:28] Blurring the boundaries of landlord tenant slash inappropriate relationships.

[00:11:33] The breaking point came when the fridge in the guesthouse broke and they insisted I put the bill for a $900 replacement.

[00:11:41] Their influence over my parents was significant as my parents rarely had my back and sided with the Scots.

[00:11:47] Constantly belittling my boyfriend without reason.

[00:11:50] By the end of 2022, I decided to move out with some girlfriends of mine, leaving without saying goodbye to avoid further confrontation.

[00:11:58] Fast forward to the summer of 2023.

[00:12:01] My boyfriend and I were living together in a new state and he proposed.

[00:12:05] My surprise when he asked my parents for their blessing, it was supportive and enthusiastic.

[00:12:10] My parents were even flown out to witness our engagement.

[00:12:14] As we delved into wedding planning in the fall of 2023, my fiance's parents generously offered to finance the wedding.

[00:12:21] Strangely, my mother declined involvement in the planning claiming she hated it.

[00:12:26] Despite repeated invitations for myself and my future mother-in-law, she insisted we handle everything on our own.

[00:12:33] A departure from the typical involvement of the mother of the bride.

[00:12:37] My mother-in-law did fly my mum out to New York for wedding dress shopping which was fun.

[00:12:41] But my mother insisted on the trip that this was all she wanted to do.

[00:12:46] Winter 2023, order text from my dad.

[00:12:50] Urge in me to invite the Scots.

[00:12:52] I respectfully declined citing the distress it would cause me on our special day.

[00:12:57] This refusal triggered a nuclear war within the family.

[00:13:01] My parents adamant about the Scots' inclusion declared that they wouldn't attend the wedding.

[00:13:06] My dad accused me of starting my happy life by destroying his and my mother uninvited me to Christmas.

[00:13:12] In attempts to salvage a situation, I apologise and try to explain my decision.

[00:13:17] However, my parents were unreceptive, hurling insults and faceless accusations claiming my side of the family has been cancelled.

[00:13:25] My mother then flipped the script and threatened to expose details on social media of my disrespect to family if I didn't show up for Christmas.

[00:13:33] Despite exchanging Christmas and birthday greetings via text, I've not spoken to them about the situation.

[00:13:38] The pain of their absence in the harsh words lingers and I approach my wedding day.

[00:13:43] I'm confused, I'm guilty, I'm in pain.

[00:13:46] The fallout, all because I refuse to invite the Scots.

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[00:14:54] Now as always, I'm sat behind a microphone and I'm talking about someone else's life who's living it.

[00:15:04] Who's going through the feelings, the confusing stuff, you know all the stuff that these people are putting in into OP's head.

[00:15:11] Things that've been normalized for OP so as always is very easy for me to say but.

[00:15:17] I know people won't see it this way but this feels like they say in these posts, the trash took itself out.

[00:15:24] This sounds like a good thing for your wedding.

[00:15:27] It feels like they're just trying to control your life and they don't like that you're breaking free from that.

[00:15:33] So you know, this would be the ultimate for me that they're not going to turn up your wedding.

[00:15:37] Well fuck them, you know? They've made their decision.

[00:15:40] I would hold them to it and say yeah, you decided you're not welcome no more.

[00:15:45] And just enjoy your wedding, stress free because it sounds like you deserve it.

[00:15:49] You've been dealing with a lot of their bull crap and now it's time to break free from that.

[00:15:54] But useful commission 76 says making the wrong tree comments about him being adopted, criticizing my boyfriend, but littering my boyfriend.

[00:16:02] It seems like a perfectly reasonable decision for the boyfriend and his parents who are the ones financed in the wedding

[00:16:07] to decline to invite these scot people.

[00:16:10] I can't think the bride or her parents have a choice in this matter.

[00:16:13] Opie says my future in laws don't want the scots there, but they'll be willing to bite the bullet for me because they feel terrible about my parents not attending.

[00:16:22] They have such good people but there's no way in hell I'm going to let that happen, especially since they're doing so much for me out of the kindness of their hearts.

[00:16:30] However, this actually came up in the argument with my parents and my dad literally said,

[00:16:34] I don't have to ask your fiance or his mother for mission to invite who I want to the wedding of my daughter.

[00:16:40] My parents say the scots did everything out of protection, it makes me so angry.

[00:16:45] Someone asked Opie on what their fiance thinks about the situation.

[00:16:49] Opie says my fiance has been incredibly supportive.

[00:16:52] Most of all he just feels terrible for me and feels that I've been put in a loose-loose situation by my parents.

[00:16:58] Either I invite the scots and be absolutely miserable on our wedding or I don't invite them, my own parents opt to not attend.

[00:17:06] He also doesn't want the scots to attend but he'd be willing to bite the bullet if I was desperate for my parents to come.

[00:17:12] However, like many comments below, I don't want to start my life with an ultimatum from my parents.

[00:17:18] If I cave in now, who knows what they will do in the future?

[00:17:22] I'm blessed to be marrying someone who is patient, caring and supportive.

[00:17:27] Opie gives some information on why parents want the scots there and says,

[00:17:31] The scots invest money into my dad's small business and they split ownership 50-50.

[00:17:36] Any initial text from my parents, my dad said that he has been losing sleep for months thinking about how he's going to tell the scots they're not invited to my wedding.

[00:17:44] I think my dad is afraid that if he doesn't invite them, the scots will get pissed and pull out.

[00:17:49] This is speculation but if this is the case then some people are right and this is like a blackmail thing.

[00:17:55] I don't want to feel guilty. Why do I have to invite people and give me a visual reaction of anxiety and stress just because my dad is afraid to tell them no?

[00:18:04] We have an update in a moment but I think so far Opie's going down the right path.

[00:18:09] They recognize that they can't back down to their parents.

[00:18:13] We see a lot of these stories where the opposite happens and they back down to controlling narcissistic parents and eventually it damages their own relationship.

[00:18:22] But it seems like Opie is going down the right way so let's cover their update to see what happens next.

[00:18:26] Context from my original post. At 24 female I find myself in a heartbreaking situation.

[00:18:32] My parents won't be at my wedding. The reason are refused to invite their friends.

[00:18:38] Update.

[00:18:39] I woke up this morning to a bunch of texts from my mother.

[00:18:42] She demanded that I end my engagement, cancel the wedding, quit my job and move back to their home.

[00:18:48] She started saying things like, I know you're unhappy. It's okay, you tried. Now it's time to come home.

[00:18:54] You have some maturing you need to do. This irks me so much.

[00:18:59] My parents literally gave their blessing for my marriage six months ago. Now they want me to change my entire life because they're mad they didn't get their way.

[00:19:07] I responded and said this is my life and if they don't want to respect my decisions that's on them.

[00:19:13] I am an utter shock and financially independent of my family. Have a great job loving partner.

[00:19:19] How did NASA's parents come up with this shit?

[00:19:23] Like I said, I'm so glad that Opie is slowly detaching themselves from the situation.

[00:19:29] I said it before but you know it's easy for me to say all this kind of stuff but they're living it.

[00:19:34] They're going through it. They haven't had deal with these people not only their parents but the scots as well.

[00:19:40] Who's trying to constantly manipulate them, control them.

[00:19:44] It's always easy for us to say reading the story that you need to get yourself out of that situation but when you're living it,

[00:19:51] of course some people can do it really easily but it's difficult when things have been normalized.

[00:19:57] I try to think of my own background and growing up and seeing some families and some people that I still know to this day

[00:20:05] you can still see that they have this normalized mentality.

[00:20:09] One example of this girl, same age as me, part of which I nickname all the time is the Mafia family.

[00:20:17] And a lot of them are still living the same house. I'm talking like there's like 4, 5, 6, 6 year olds

[00:20:24] and there's a bunch of other people that live on the same street as well and they're all but family kind of thing

[00:20:30] and they talk about how much family means to them and their surname which used to be big back in the day

[00:20:37] and they still live off that name and think they're some kind of hard family if you like.

[00:20:43] But at the same time a lot of fucking hate each other at the same time and they were constantly arguing and turning on one another.

[00:20:50] I was talking to one of my family the other day about a situation that happened when one of the family borrowed a toolbox

[00:20:58] it was literally a toolbox and hadn't returned it for some months or something

[00:21:03] and it turned out one of the family sold some of the tools within the toolbox

[00:21:07] and so one day this car comes steaming up, we'll span into the car park skidding

[00:21:13] which course gets everyone's attention when you live around the area that I do.

[00:21:17] So everyone's poking their head out the window saying you know, fucking drama's going on, ooooh!

[00:21:21] And two of this mafia family jump out the car, one's a massive bloke.

[00:21:26] I mean he's a huge dude and his wife and she's you know she just shouts and she's going at them

[00:21:32] and the wife gets out the car and she's like giving it all this effing and Jeff being an all this kind of thing

[00:21:37] and they're sort of like peeking over the back garden fence and this guy's swinging off the fence panels

[00:21:43] which ended up fitted very well because they done it themselves and the fence panel comes off

[00:21:48] and it's like one of these surreal situations because he's shouting about a toolbox and some sold tools

[00:21:54] and it turned into a bit of a saga but that particular situation you know

[00:21:58] it sort of pulled off the fence panel, shouting at them

[00:22:01] and just like was pointing him, you get that effing stuff back or all that's it

[00:22:05] and then went going back in the car, we'll span off you know

[00:22:08] and he lived about 20 minutes away so that interaction just seems insane right

[00:22:13] but they still to this day kind of think that sort of shit is normal

[00:22:18] which you know in reality it's just sad isn't it?

[00:22:21] Anyway I've gone absolutely off as usual, I do apologise anyway

[00:22:26] what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:22:29] not mine yet your wedding situation, watch your advice to OP

[00:22:33] let us know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:22:37] and just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's story

[00:22:41] I hope you'll love your support, your time always means the absolute world to me

[00:22:45] so thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I see you in the next one

[00:22:49] take care, and much love

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