My Family Have Offered On A House For My Sister EXPECTING Me To Co-Sign r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Siggis altes Mofa ist hin. Darum holt er sich den Easy Credit Sofortkredit mit finanziellem Spielraum. So bezahlt er seinen neuen E-Roller und reserviert sich Geld für später. Wenn er wieder etwas braucht, lässt er sich einfach und sicher über die Easy Credit Plus App auszahlen. Er muss keinen neuen Kredit abschließen. Macht's wie Siggi. Finanziert ganz entspannt. Mit Easy Credit.

[00:00:37] Like, Subscribe, Maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from Fancy A Panda and says am I the arsehole for refusing to co-sign my sister's mortgage after my parents went behind my back? I, 28 female, have been busting my butt for years to save for my own house. I work in software so I make decent money but it still takes forever to build up a good down payment.

[00:01:06] Meanwhile, my younger sister, 25 female, is in grad school with barely any credit. Our parents, both mid 50s, found a house near them and decided she needs it. They made an offer without telling me and now the deal only goes through if I co-sign. The problem, I had no clue they'd do this. My parents basically dropped a bomb.

[00:01:30] You have the best credit score. Co-sign so your sister can get the house. They also hinted I should chip in for the down payment because you've got the money. If I co-sign, I'll be on the hook if my sister can't pay. She's still in school, has debt and zero backup plan.

[00:01:48] The bank might also reject my future mortgage application since they see I'm already tied to another loan. But my parents say I'm selfish and forgetting family values. My sister's calling me a monster for leaving her stranded and my mum threatened to cut off any future financial help, like wedding money, if I don't help right now.

[00:02:09] Some relatives think it's insane my parents try to rope me into this after they already made the offer. Others say I should just do it for the family's sake. I feel guilty but also mad they put me in this spot. Am I the asshole for protecting my own finances or are they wrong for strong arming me into co-signing a mortgage I never wanted in the first place?

[00:02:34] Edit. I'm actually adopted. Forgot to mention in my confused and angry state. My parents adopted me when I was very young because they'd been struggling to conceive. A few years later, they had my younger sister naturally, which was a huge deal to them. She was their miracle baby. Ever since, it's felt like my role in the family became the older, adopted one, while she was the golden child who could do no wrong.

[00:03:01] Growing up, I was expected to pitch in more, be more responsible and generally look out for my sister. I worked my butt off in school, snagged scholarships and eventually landed a good job in software. All the while, I felt like my family mostly saw me as the fallback option, in case anyone needed financial or emotional support.

[00:03:22] Now that I'm actually building my life, saving for a house, focusing on my career, and realizing how my success just makes me look like a bigger piggy bank to my parents. The more independent I become, the clearer it is that I need to separate myself from the constant guilt trips and the unspoken expectation that I always bail them or my sister out. I love them, but I can't keep sacrificing my own future to maintain a dynamic where I'm never the priority.

[00:03:51] So thank you all for the wake-up call. Update to come. Your parents are insane for expecting this from you. Already submitting an offer on a house that they can't afford and guilting you to be responsible for it, and then trying to emotionally blackmail you with family values. And let's face it, this is going to fall back on you. You've already said that your sister basically has no income.

[00:04:19] She feels entitled to your credit score, your hard work. And if you was to co-sign, you know, it's just going to mess up your future as well. And the fact that they don't really care about this says it all. And then when you came in with that edit about the adoption, her then becoming the golden child and you being responsible for everything, you know, it just cleared everything up what's going on here. But. Independent Stan 351 says absolutely do not co-sign.

[00:04:48] Not the arsehole if you refuse. Let your mum not pay for the wedding. If she's threatening now, she will again. In the end, she probably won't. But that's not the main reason not to co-sign. The main reason is there is a huge chance you'll be in debt for a house that is not yours. Empty Discipline says, spoiler, they won't pay for your wedding anyway. They are broke arse. Please don't sign. It will fuck you up in ways you can't even imagine yet.

[00:05:16] Another commenter says broke arse is who care more about the golden child younger sister than their child who is actually taking charge of her own life. Warcrafter says, ding, ding, ding. And we have an answer. Why is the sister the one that needs to own a house? Celtic Musebook says, so your sister is the golden child and you are not. Don't co-sign the loan.

[00:05:39] Tell your parents to give your sister the wedding money and since your finances won't be a dumpster fire, as they would if you co-sign the loan, you'll pay for your own wedding. And we'll be sure to send them a picture since obviously they won't be there. Tell them how much you appreciate them freeing you from having to care for them as they age since that will fall 100% to your sister. Not the arsehole, but your family is really toxic. Absolutely.

[00:06:05] So OP came in with an update to tell us what they're going to do. They said, okay, so here's where I'm at. I'm absolutely not signing my sister's mortgage. And I'm definitely not pitching in for any down payment. This whole thing was the final push I needed to realize how messed up our family dynamic has been for ages. I mean, I've always known it was bad, but having them basically try to volunteer me and my finances without even asking just crossed a line I can't ignore anymore.

[00:06:35] I'm done. I've decided to cut ties. I'm already in the process of dropping any financial entanglements we might have, cutting off shared accounts, making sure they can't use my information for anything, and basically scrubbing them from my finances. My job lets me work remotely, so I'm planning to move out of state soon. That was always in the back of my mind, but now it feels urgent. I need space, distance, and a real shot at a normal life without the constant guilt trips.

[00:07:02] I'm also locking down my credit, freezing it, changing passwords, everything. I'm not taking any chances that someone might try to open a line of credit in my name. I've seen enough horror stories, and I'm not about to become one. Thankfully, I'm not alone in all of this. My close friends have been incredible. They're basically my real family at this point, helping me pack, offering me a place to stay if I need it, reminding me that I'm not crazy for wanting to protect my future.

[00:07:30] They've been the biggest source of support, and I'm honestly so grateful to have them in my corner. So yeah, that's it. I'm not signing. I'm leaving. I'm done. If my family wants to blow up at me for abandoning them, so be it. I've got to look out for myself, my credit, and my sanity. Here's hoping to things only get better from here. Everyone who commented their two cents are amazing people, and I thank you for all the support while I'm dealing with this. Truly, thank you.

[00:08:00] Twin Peaks says be sure to freeze your credit with all three bureaus and freeze your social security number as well. Rotary Road says I would also contact the financial institution that is issuing the mortgage and tell them you're not involved in case they forge your signature. They have your social security number and may have already had the bank run your information. LoopAdjacent says I read your other post, and I'm so glad to read this update. Perhaps a new phone number when you move. Also, I wouldn't tell them your address.

[00:08:29] Yeah, I move out west. When you really moved east, north, or south. Lock or privatize your socials and look up grey rocking towards your family. Your life is about to open up and flourish, and I'm so excited for you. And I'm so incredibly happy for OP as well that they've made the right choices to get themselves out of that shitty situation. But I also find it so heartbreaking at the same time.

[00:08:58] Because these are the people that's meant to protect and nurture you, but turn out to be the ones that you actually need the protection from. And we see it in many stories where, you know, from the outside, from me sitting behind a microphone, the answer may seem obvious to many people, but I'm sure it's going to resonate with so many people about how shitty family manipulation can be.

[00:09:22] How they use love, obligation, and, you know, shared history to make these unreasonable demands seem normal. Normalizing everything. The fact that you're having to lock down your own credit from your own family. That's madness. But once again, I'm so glad that you're choosing yourself in this situation. I'm glad you have friends who show you and support you and show you what real family support looks like.

[00:09:50] So good luck to you in the future, OP. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Oh, seems like I saw sister drama recently. This next story comes from C luck 8537 and says,

[00:10:29] I asked my sister, female 36, to join me in the city. She lived in a small town 2 hours south from where we live now. I accepted a job offer, as did my sister, and we signed a three-year fixed rental agreement in a three-bedroom house. My sister and I are very different people. We have a complicated but supportive relationship. We have a lot of love and respect for one another. We also have some on-slash-off codependency issues from our childhood.

[00:10:59] Things were going well for the first few months. We were transitioning into this dynamic, and it wasn't always easy. But we found systems and ways to make it work. Everything changed three months ago. My sister met a man and conceived on a first date. The baby is due in April.

[00:11:45] It's a welcome surprise. My sister is experiencing a difficult start to her pregnancy. Insomnia, stress, thyroid issues. We've not been getting along. My son and I can do nothing right. It's the little things compounded. My sister is also quite entitled. Openly expresses and reinforces this attribute with humor. In a pregnancy, it's been worse. There's little to no consideration. For example, she's struggling with a sound in the house.

[00:12:14] She leaves her door open for her cat and refuses to wear earplugs. Instead, she demands for my son and I to vacate the living room and kitchen at 8pm. Because she can hear us. I don't get home until 7pm and need to make dinner. Another example is that I've been giving her upwards of $600 a month in groceries. I have a lot of allergies and she wouldn't accommodate these allergies so I would often need to eat alone and buy additional groceries.

[00:12:41] It hurt me to learn that she had her groceries supplemented by the father of her unborn child. Meaning that she's been asking for money for groceries that were already paid for. My salary is less than my sister's and I have a dependent. She decided that the child's father, male 36, would move into this house with his dog and his cat and sleep in the foyer at the top of the stairs without consulting myself or my son. This area of the house is not closed in.

[00:13:10] It's positioned above the living room slash kitchen. An area that my sister has already deemed inaccessible between 8pm and 6am. And also between 5pm and 7pm. My son and I are starting to get forced into our bedrooms off the entry hallway. They split up two weeks ago and he's still moving in. He's a bit of a dirty guy and my sister is type A. To put things into perspective, she has cleaned out his house. And has two storage units in the last three months.

[00:13:40] He's not much of a cook or cleaner. She said that I'm lucky because I get to benefit financially from this. I pay less in rent and I don't even deserve it. Those were her actual words. I actually like the guy. I don't like the way my sister treats him but he's a nice guy. I moved for a lot of reasons. My son was experiencing anxiety and self-esteem issues around his father. Never married, separated after birth of our son. In and out of the picture.

[00:14:08] Whom had drained our collective savings account for the kids education because of addiction. I wasn't able to secure a suitable salary with my education to get ahead. To be fully honest here, my sister and I had a hard upbringing. The only reason I stayed in our hometown was so that my son had access to his father. And well, a time came where his father's absence would be more beneficial than his presence. I moved so that we could start a new life and have peace. We're not experiencing peace.

[00:14:38] I confronted my sister about the use of communal spaces and that she would have to find solutions to limit the way sound affected her. I confronted my sister about shared bills and have asked her to post the bills on the fridge and that we would no longer be splitting most groceries. I confronted my sister that I'm not entirely comfortable with someone moving in here. If it's not within the rights of our lease, then we would need to communicate with the landlord and ask to break the lease.

[00:15:04] My sister's response to everything has been emotional, reluctant, and avoidant. She simply cries, yells, and walks away. She claims that I'm abandoning her. I feel exhausted, exploited, and manipulated. It's affected my work, my personal life, and my ability to enjoy life. My son is experiencing some anxiety too. He has sports and extracurricular most days after school, and I am adamant to discuss adult things without my son there.

[00:15:32] However, he has witnessed some arguments and knows that we're not getting along. I want to leave this situation. I know I have to. I feel like I am abandoning her. Not just because she tells me so, but because everything is crazy and I want to leave. I didn't sign up for this. I didn't agree to live with my sister, her estranged ex-boyfriend of three months, and his two pets. I don't know where to start or how to do this. I know I need a couple of months to save up for first and last. Edit, remove some details to keep my privacy.

[00:16:03] Quiet Village asks the question, Have the guy take over your lease and leave before the real madness starts. Opie says, I think this is the best route. I had originally pitched this idea and my sister had said he wouldn't move in. A month passed and she decided he would move in. I originally said that I would stick it out until June, marking one year on our lease, but I just can't stick it out that long. My work and mental state are suffering too much.

[00:16:29] Edit, in all fairness, I have been fickle agreeing to disagreement and disagreeing with the arrangement of the father to be moving in. It's difficult to think about my son or myself when I can clearly see my sister is in so much distress. Despite all the comments here about her being awful, she's still my sister and I love her. We'll continue to support her, but on my terms. Her feeling abandoned is valid to her because that's how she feels and she's afraid. It's not as easy as walking away.

[00:16:57] I want our relationship to get better, not worse. The commenter says to OP, you're worried about your sister's mental health, but she is not showing any reciprocity. You need to take care of you and your son who has already been through a lot. Go forth to a new place and be happy, but do not pack any regret with you. It changes nothing and only brings non-peace. You deserve to put yourself and your son first. You can do this. Give yourself a hug for doing the right thing.

[00:17:25] Unusual Potato says leave before a newborn arrives and her entitled arse expects you to get up at night and do a lot for her baby. Do not fall for her guilt-tripping and abandoning bullshit. She's a 36-year-old woman who got knocked up on a one-night stand, so she needs to sort her own life out. She's inconsiderate, selfish, and has no respect for you and your son. She's also been taking advantage of you regarding grocery money, so you need to put you and your son first and get the hell out of there.

[00:17:53] She will try and extort money out of you for the baby, and do not fall for that. Remember her baby as a present father, and yours doesn't. Plus, she makes more than you. Set hard boundaries and show that she can't walk all over you anymore. Hats and Topcoat says, You never agree to live with someone who treats you like shit. She has zero respect or regard for your needs or your son's needs. She's choosing to ignore your feelings at every turn.

[00:18:18] As soon as you possibly can, give her 30 days' notice that you and your son are leaving. In the meantime, do what's best for you and your son. Not necessarily what she has decided she wants you to do, such as changing your habits and staying out of common spaces. So, Opie came in with an update two months later and says,

[00:19:08] Come mid-November, there was still the issue of shared assets. So, I braced a difficult conversation with my sister by a text to set a date and time to discuss things. Her actual reply was, Suck my dick. I'm blocking you. I remember being shocked. This was actually out of character. My son and I got in late that night to find that the internet password had been changed with a message on the chalkboard that as soon as I dropped the topic of shared assets and prepaid the upcoming electric bill,

[00:19:37] she would not reveal the Wi-Fi password. We live in an area without cell coverage, so I couldn't even message my sister to call her out. I'm not proud, but I went to the garage and unplugged the router and locked it in my truck. When she came to me, she was furious. I can hardly remember what she said now. What I can say is that she was very cruel and near violent. In that verbal vomit, she said, You have no idea what I've been through. I miscarried.

[00:20:05] At that point, I asked her to give me a few minutes to process. I left shortly after with my son and my dog, leaving the router on the porch. I'm embarrassed to say that I offered to stay the night and keep her company. I realize now that in order to support someone, we have to ask ourselves if this is safe. If we have the capacity to offer support and if this person has the capacity to accept support. She halfway apologized a couple of days later.

[00:20:32] After that, she grieved independently and almost silently. My son and I grieved independently from her, but being careful to follow our direction and boundaries of not talking about it. Weeks felt like months. The house was cold. Any level of contact or coordination was the beginning of a fight. In therapy, I started to unpack the events over the last year. I learned a great deal about myself, mostly in regards to my self-integrity.

[00:21:01] I've come to understand my role in perpetuating her controlling behaviors, my lack of self-esteem which snowballed under our shared roof, leaving me in a state of ambivalence and complacency. I recognized the ways in which my sister held little to no regard to my autonomy, often using emotional manipulation to force my submission. I know this is abuse. Know that when she got cold, I got colder. I am not innocent in all this.

[00:21:28] Someone once described us as an immovable object meeting an unstoppable force. I think there are times where we play either role. I carry deep compassion and love for my sister and remain forever empathic. I remain optimistic that she will come to understandings of her own that will reunite her with her humility. I'm terribly sorry for her loss and often find myself worried about her well-being. Hope that in time we can build a stronger, more sustainable dynamic.

[00:21:57] I'm painting my bedroom at my new place. Even with my son on the other side of the country this holiday, I feel at peace here. I wish my sister has peace too. A day will come where we can overcome some of these hardships. But that day is not today. Couple of the top comments on this one. Stolen Pen says, good. I hope your life gets better without your abusive sister in it. I kind of want to address how you felt that you were equally at fault for the fighting.

[00:22:23] I think it's completely normal to label your reaction to her abuse as being just as bad. But I also want you to recognize that your sister sounds batshit crazy. I realize that saying you're at fault is a way for you to reclaim autonomy. But as an outsider, no. Emotional abusers will push you to great lengths for a reaction. Just so they can say that you're as bad as they are. I'm sure there's a lot of unhealthy family dynamics that you will unpack in therapy. Good luck healing and give yourself space and grace.

[00:22:53] Obi says, hey, thanks for saying this. I feel like I'm just scratching the surface in terms of my trauma response. I'm not fully accepting the abuse that took place. But I am working towards it. Because my sister and I had a very difficult upbringing. We have been very much entangled. She is the only family I have, so it very much feels like a loss. I do agree with you that my sister was the abuser and I was simply reacting. This I know to be true. I'm just not sure of my reactions at this time.

[00:23:23] Anyway, thanks for saying this. And now, I'm going to turn this one straight to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being involved. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

[00:23:53] Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.