My Family EXPLODED When My Mom Kept Enabling My Sisters Behaviour r/Relationships

[00:00:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out

[00:00:08] [SPEAKER_00]: some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider hitting that

[00:00:13] [SPEAKER_00]: like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first

[00:00:18] [SPEAKER_00]: story. Much love guys. Now this is a story you may have heard in other places before

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_00]: but there is also a new update that comes with it two years after it all happened.

[00:00:29] [SPEAKER_00]: So if you do want to skip parts of the story I will always include timestamps down

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_00]: in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you.

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: The story was from individualdiamond606 and says my mum, 60s, wanted to force a reconciliation

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_00]: between me, 35 female, and my sister, 32. But it backfired and I don't know if I

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_00]: want her in my life anymore.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I started dating my brother's best friend when I was 16. We were together until I

[00:00:58] [SPEAKER_00]: graduated high school when he proposed and I rejected it. There was a lot of drama,

[00:01:03] [SPEAKER_00]: with my family asking me to reconsider because we could have a long engagement or make a

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_00]: promise to reconcile.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Our relationship with my brother, 36, suffered for a while but the one with my

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_00]: sister, 32, never recovered. She was sure my ex was the best fit for me and became

[00:01:21] [SPEAKER_00]: unbearable when she started dating my ex's brother. My ex was invited everywhere

[00:01:26] [SPEAKER_00]: by my siblings, even to some family holidays. But I didn't say anything since he was

[00:01:32] [SPEAKER_00]: their friend too. This is until my sister started to push for us to get back together.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_00]: My sister did everything from trying to get us on blind dates to making us share a

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_00]: room during holidays. No matter the occasion, my ex was invited to it. After a while

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I had enough and asked my parents to intervene. They were clear with my siblings and stopped

[00:01:53] [SPEAKER_00]: inviting my ex to things or allowing him to tag along so much. It was slightly better,

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: but while my brother backed off, my sister didn't. It all came to a crash when I met

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_00]: my husband during a semester abroad. He was from another university but the same

[00:02:08] [SPEAKER_00]: country and we just clicked. It was magical for me and we got engaged after dating

[00:02:13] [SPEAKER_00]: for a year. My family was very happy for me, except my sister. She kept insisting

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I was in the honeymoon phase and would grow out of it. I clearly didn't and after many,

[00:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: many, many, can't express enough how many fights and attempts to reunite me with my

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_00]: ex, I simply let her know and if she pulled anything again, I will stop talking to her.

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_00]: What does she do after that warning? Makes me her maid of honor and requests

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I spend all my time with a bridal party, aka my ex, and sets one of her friends

[00:02:44] [SPEAKER_00]: as my husband's date. We didn't realise until we were at the reception and the

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: My sister said, since we're not married it was okay to explore things with other people.

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: I left the party and the next day spoke with my parents and brother.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Explained that while I won't make them choose, I will not talk to my sister ever again

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00]: and if they try to fix stuff between us, I will simply cut contact with them too.

[00:03:08] [SPEAKER_00]: My mum was devastated and tried to negotiate but my dad and brother said they would respect

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: my decision. And apart from two attempts from my mum, I haven't spoken, written,

[00:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: or anything with my sister in the past six years.

[00:03:22] [SPEAKER_00]: My sister has tried everything to reconcile with me, from gifts to tantrums but I simply

[00:03:27] [SPEAKER_00]: don't talk to her at all. If we're at a family event or dinner I simply act like she

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: doesn't exist. At first she made snarky comments or tried to create drama but since nobody backed

[00:03:38] [SPEAKER_00]: her up, she gave up. She did have a meltdown when she was informed she was invited to my

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00]: wedding but would not be a part of any preparation. My brother says he feels guilty for going along

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: with it for so long and his relationship with my ex has suffered since my ex. They still talk

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_00]: but they're not as close anymore. The issue. My mum's birthday was a couple of weeks ago

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_00]: and I finally announced we're expecting our first child. This is not the first

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_00]: grandchild but it is the first granddaughter. Everybody was happy except my sister.

[00:04:11] [SPEAKER_00]: My mum noted that and asked me for tea the other day. My sixth sense told me not to go but

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted to be positive. The first thing I noticed when I arrived was my sister's car.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Then as I entered the door there was my sister, her husband, my ex and my ex-mother-in-law.

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_00]: They wanted to have an intervention since my childish tactic has gone for so long.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_00]: My ex said that he was just trying to be romantic but he understands I couldn't

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: appreciate it. His mum said I was just hurting my sister for wanting the best for me

[00:04:44] [SPEAKER_00]: and she apologized already so I need to forgive her. I was just sending texts to my family,

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00]: dad, brother, husband and looking at my mum in disbelief. My brother-in-law had the balls to

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00]: tell me I was a hurtful person and I need to learn how to act like an adult since I'm

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: having a baby now. Then my mum began reading a letter about how hurt she was her daughters

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_00]: weren't close, how my sister was wrong but she was well intended etc. Then my sister

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_00]: read her letter and began crying telling me basically another version of what the rest did.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_00]: I said nothing to anybody, just sat there until my brother arrived. He was angry beyond

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: anything I've ever seen before. He grabbed my stuff and told them all he was really

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: disappointed and disgusted. We went outside and sat in his car until my dad and husband

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: arrived. By then I was just sobbing and he kept saying sorry. I was unsure what happened in there

[00:05:36] [SPEAKER_00]: but I sent everybody except mum an email with my lawyers number info attached and stated

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't wish to be contacted by any of them ever again and if they do I will go to the police.

[00:05:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Nobody has contacted me but I know from my dad my mum and sister are hysterical. They told

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_00]: him they hope to repair things and for my sister to be able to be in my baby's life.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Baby possibly being a godmother. My dad is staying with my brother at the moment.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: They support me but some others in the family don't. I've even had mutual friends call me

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_00]: and say they're worried about my sister's well-being and asking me what happened since

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_00]: she is now going by the narrative my husband is keeping me away from my family.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I hate having my business in public but I did go the public route and posted a long

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Facebook post about everything that happened. Sister, brother-in-law and ex are all being

[00:06:27] [SPEAKER_00]: dragged which even if it wasn't 100% intended I feel is deserved.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Now my mum has been inconsolable which does make me feel bad but not as bad as she made

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_00]: me feel with her little intervention. I agreed to have a talk with her a couple

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: days ago and laid the ground rules for any possible future interaction including

[00:06:48] [SPEAKER_00]: therapy, family therapy, clear boundaries, no sharing information about me with my sister

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_00]: and separate holidays. Most important if she ever pulls anything like this again

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_00]: she will for sure be cut off. She feels this is too much but is willing to do it.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_00]: She thought it meant immediate access to baby news and it is all solved but I told her it

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_00]: is a process and she needs to prove she has improved. My dad and brother refuse to talk

[00:07:15] [SPEAKER_00]: to my sister and they keep apologizing for not stopping it earlier. We've forgiven them

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_00]: they are able to move on and grow. My husband supports whatever I decide but my mother-in-law

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_00]: is unsure cutting my mum's access to a granddaughter is the way to go but says it is ultimately

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_00]: my decision. I'm torn about what to do with my mum. So the first commenter said on that one

[00:07:37] [SPEAKER_00]: what is their logic? Like now that you're pregnant you should stop playing make believe

[00:07:42] [SPEAKER_00]: with your husband and realize your happy ever after is with your ex? What about your baby?

[00:07:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Your ex and his family are going to accept her? Hopi says my sister claims she is not trying to

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_00]: get us together anymore but that I can't take away her chance to be an aunt. She says I'm

[00:07:57] [SPEAKER_00]: a bad sister for being so close with my sister-in-laws who are amazing people.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_00]: I obviously don't believe her. My issue is what to do with my mum. The commenter says

[00:08:07] [SPEAKER_00]: she couldn't be your best friend without you dating your ex. Hopi says I wish I could

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_00]: you but I have no idea what a thought process is. My husband has the theory she's just mentally

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_00]: unwell. Info on the ex, Hopi says the most ridiculous and scary thing is she still has

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_00]: the mixtapes, CDs I made him when we were dating. Those things are about 20 years old

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_00]: and he still holds onto them. The commenter says I'm kind of surprised your stalker ex,

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_00]: and yes I will call him that, is still in your brother's life. That said hold firm with

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00]: No timelines. She has to show she can stick to your rules. Sister needs to live with the

[00:08:47] [SPEAKER_00]: consequences of her actions. Hopi says to be fair to my brother he did start to cut him off

[00:08:53] [SPEAKER_00]: when I told my parents I was very uncomfortable with my ex around all the time. I was living

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_00]: away for college but would visit my family during breaks. He also made a very big effort

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: to make my husband feel welcome which deteriorated his relationship with my ex even

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_00]: because he felt betrayed by my brother. Nowadays my husband is one of my brother's closest

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_00]: friends and he only speaks with my ex when it's about our nephew or not to be rude.

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00]: The commenter says you need to realise that your mum is supporting all of this.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_00]: The big reason big sis is continuing this is because she knows your mum also thinks it's

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_00]: right. Hopi says this makes me very sad since my mum was always so nice to my husband

[00:09:31] [SPEAKER_00]: and now I'm re-evaluating their whole relationship. Hopi had some information on background and

[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_00]: culture. Hopi says not Indian nor from a religious family. My parents were good nice

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_00]: parents. They thought it was a romantic thing at the beginning but later realised it wasn't.

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_00]: They encouraged me to go to college and everything. Now I know my dad actually

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_00]: supported me and my mum might have just played along and have the same beliefs as my sister.

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_00]: My sister had this idea we'd all be best friends and married to brothers.

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And I just felt along the lines of Hopi's husband that you know the sister just sounds

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_00]: mentally unwell like something's happened there and the mum is just enabling the behaviour

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_00]: and allowing her to continue to think this is normal not get help but enable it. So Hopi

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_00]: added their first update and said the edit I wanted to post but couldn't. I want to thank

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_00]: you for the amount of support and advice so far. I want to give a little more info that

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_00]: in my comments since there are too many for me to answer them all individually.

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_00]: My ex and I broke up when I was 18. He's 37 now. The reason for our breakup was that

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want to get married or engaged. My sister's insistence comes from the fixation of

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_00]: wanting the both of us to marry brothers and being best friends.

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_00]: My mum has always been so nice to my husband but I'm beginning to think it was

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_00]: all a facade which makes me very sad. My ex has been with people since the breakup.

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_00]: He also has two kids with an ex but he's never been married. My sister says that is a very

[00:11:01] [SPEAKER_00]: romantic thing to do since he only ever wanted to marry me. I should also mention that his

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: obsessive behaviour is not only with me. I know from the grapevine he was very similar

[00:11:12] [SPEAKER_00]: with the mother of his children but now is refocusing on me because my sister is

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_00]: encouraging it since she needs his help on getting back in my good graces so she can be

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_00]: good aunt. My brother did start to cut him off when I told my parents I was uncomfortable

[00:11:28] [SPEAKER_00]: with my ex around all the time. I was living away for college but would visit my family

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_00]: during breaks. He also made a very big effort to make my husband feel welcome,

[00:11:37] [SPEAKER_00]: which deteriorated his relationship with my ex even more because he felt betrayed by my

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_00]: brother. Nowadays my husband is one of my brother's closest friends and he only speaks

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_00]: my ex when it's about our nephew, sister's son or to not be rude. Both my parents seem

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_00]: to be supportive of me not wanting to be around my ex so much but I guess only my dad was in

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_00]: agreement. On the day of the tea party my mum told him she was making me my favourite

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_00]: tea and sweets but he couldn't stay since we would have quality time together. My dad

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_00]: left to go hang out with my uncle since he thought it was a nice sentiment from my mum.

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_00]: He is very pissed off. My husband tried very hard with my sister when they met but now he

[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_00]: just ignores her and believes she is mentally unwell. We don't know if she is or not,

[00:12:25] [SPEAKER_00]: still there is no excuse for how she behaves. They invited the ex and his mum because they

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_00]: thought it would be good for me to face the root of my issues with my sister,

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_00]: or at least is their official version. Also we are not Indian nor really religious,

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_00]: my husband and I are from the same race, there is no wealth disparity between my ex and my husband.

[00:12:46] [SPEAKER_00]: If there is it would be in favour to my husband. Lastly my sister-in-laws, both my brother's wife

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_00]: and husband's sisters are enraged about the situation. My husband and his sisters will be

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_00]: talking with their mum about her comment. My brother and his wife are considering going

[00:13:02] [SPEAKER_00]: no contact with my mum permanently. In the meanwhile they will not allow her to see my

[00:13:07] [SPEAKER_00]: nephews for a bit. The more I read the more I think I might have to go no contact with my mum

[00:13:12] [SPEAKER_00]: for the sake of my kid. My husband is heartbroken to think all their interactions were faked but

[00:13:18] [SPEAKER_00]: says he is even more enraged he made me cry and doubt I was a good person.

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I realise there are still countless conversations to have with my family about my mum,

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_00]: but I will definitely be going for a restraining order against my sister and the ex.

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_00]: The proper semi-update. The state of my family so far,

[00:13:38] [SPEAKER_00]: had a conversation with my mother but she insists she knew best. I'm a bad person and should be

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_00]: getting grandparents rights or even custody. I am nothing what she says but I still panic

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_00]: so we send her a letter about it. My dad has moved out definitely, he told her that

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_00]: he could not sign on her terrorising his kid. My brother and his wife also decided to go no

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_00]: contact. I know it seems very sudden but I think I undersold the level of despair

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I had after the intervention. My husband told them afterwards that they had to think very

[00:14:08] [SPEAKER_00]: well about what they appreciated and to be kind and receptive to everything but would not raise

[00:14:13] [SPEAKER_00]: a kid in a toxic environment. Reason 3 million why I love my husband.

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_00]: My husband is very heartbroken about my mum and her fakeness, he says she will never get

[00:14:24] [SPEAKER_00]: from him. That is as much as revenge goes here. My husband and sisters talked to my mother in law

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_00]: about her comments and made her understand why it was very out of it as many of you assumed

[00:14:34] [SPEAKER_00]: she is a very loving mum from a loving family. My dad and brother keep apologising for any

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_00]: role they played on this. My dad can't believe it went to this point, he says it's still

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_00]: surreal for him. Regardless, they support me no matter what and say they are willing to

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_00]: fight whatever ridiculous fight my mum or sister put up. So OP came in a week later with what they

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_00]: titled their final update, it's not by the way, but they said or I hope it is. I want to thank

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_00]: the lovely messages and encouraging words. I decided to post it here so it wouldn't be

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_00]: deleted like the original was. Things are great and horrible at the same time but I'm trying

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_00]: to remain positive about everything. My brother and his wife sat my nephews down and explained

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_00]: grandma was ill and tried to hurt auntie diamond and the little cousin. They explained that

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_00]: grandma would not be part of their lives anymore but that doesn't mean she doesn't love them.

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_00]: It was really hard but the kids are smart. They were also told other aunt is no longer

[00:15:32] [SPEAKER_00]: in their life but they don't care because they dislike her. Not because of me alone,

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_00]: simply because she is not exactly great with them either. My mum lost it when she was

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_00]: formed and started claiming she had rights and she will get to see her grandchildren.

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_00]: My dad is looking for a permanent place but will stay with us until January,

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_00]: mainly due to my brother's mother-in-law coming to visit and we having the space.

[00:15:56] [SPEAKER_00]: He is really sad, has called divorce lawyers already, moved bank stuff etc.

[00:16:01] [SPEAKER_00]: He's been getting countless emails, messages and calls from my mum but he doesn't reply

[00:16:06] [SPEAKER_00]: to anything. The lawyer told him to not block her right now. He considered maybe

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_00]: but I got a huge spike on my blood pressure a couple of days after my last post here because

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_00]: she decided to come to my place WITH my sister. My sister had never been to my home,

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_00]: my mum knew I didn't want her there but I guess that doesn't matter anymore.

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_00]: The cleaning lady let them in since she knows my mum and I haven't had the time to inform

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_00]: her, she was not allowed to come in anymore. I was just coming from some errands and I saw

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_00]: this time I didn't get in. I called all my relatives and my sister-in-law, husband-sister

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_00]: was the one closer to me. She confronted them and told them they either leave or

[00:16:47] [SPEAKER_00]: I called the police on them for trespassing. They left and I started feeling bad.

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_00]: We went to the doctor and they told me all the excitement was not good and I needed

[00:16:56] [SPEAKER_00]: to start relaxing or it would hurt the baby. My dad went home with my brother, uncle and

[00:17:01] [SPEAKER_00]: husband and took every single thing he could think of. My husband says my sister was there

[00:17:06] [SPEAKER_00]: too and she kept screaming at him that he destroyed her family. My dad told my mum

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_00]: and sister they almost killed the baby and he also doesn't want to talk to any of them again.

[00:17:17] [SPEAKER_00]: My sister kept sending messages to my brother begging for help but it's not happening.

[00:17:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm devastated and very sad for my nephew since he's losing so much of his family

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_00]: because his mother has some wacky ideas but it is what it is. As per the custody and

[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_00]: grandparent rights, my mum wants to throw around so much. My lawyer sent her a letter stating she

[00:17:37] [SPEAKER_00]: caused harm to my health and the baby and if she keeps harassing me it will become an

[00:17:41] [SPEAKER_00]: official legal matter. My brother also sent her a letter accusing her of harassing me.

[00:17:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Both mum and sister have refused to go to therapy. They might be mentally ill but with

[00:17:53] [SPEAKER_00]: this coming to light it is obvious they've been in agreement for a long time. I will

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_00]: focus on spending the holidays with my family, being healthy and going to therapy.

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_00]: OP's next update came three months later. I said hi, I received some requests for an

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_00]: update and had a little time so I decided it could be a good fit. I want to thank you

[00:18:12] [SPEAKER_00]: from the bottom of my heart for your comments, messages and well, every advice because I feel

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_00]: we owe you for being even more paranoid than we're being. A couple of people asked me what

[00:18:23] [SPEAKER_00]: method we used to know the gender of the baby. I announced it after 20 weeks, the reason for

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_00]: waiting so long is we've experienced a loss in the past, which we were preparing to announce

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_00]: when it happened and we wanted to be sure and have a safety feeling about the announcement.

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Also, we were naive enough to think that would be special for my mum.

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And you were right, after posting I handed it to my husband and he read your messages,

[00:18:46] [SPEAKER_00]: comments and advice for some days. We swiped the house and thankfully found nothing but

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00]: felt extremely unsafe so we went to a hotel with my dad. But then we realised there was

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_00]: a tracker on my fur baby's vest. He is a very small dog and gets cold a lot so he has a funny

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_00]: vest. Never in a million years would I have thought of looking there, but we discovered

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_00]: the tracker when my dad walked him around the hotel area and my sister came and asked

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_00]: me and reconciliation. I was really upset so we decided to move, thankfully we can afford it.

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_00]: We're renting at the moment and also renting out our place so it's not just empty.

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I used to love that house but now I feel it's ruined and tainted somehow.

[00:19:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Sadly my parents house feels the same and not only for me.

[00:19:31] [SPEAKER_00]: We all, brother, husband, dad, sister-in-law and even my husband's family changed our

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_00]: electronics and notified employers, friends, police. We also started therapy and family

[00:19:44] [SPEAKER_00]: therapy. My dad and brother feel extreme guilt over the situation even if I've truly forgiven

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_00]: them but were all healing as a unit. My sister and mum insist they are not wrong

[00:19:54] [SPEAKER_00]: and that they don't need therapy. My dad made a new will in which my sister's son gets a

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_00]: trust fund and some inheritance but my sister gets a token amount. He is truly done with

[00:20:05] [SPEAKER_00]: her. I was feeling bad for her but I decided to focus my energy on my baby.

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_00]: She is here and we are blessed. It is not the experience I thought of since my mum is not

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_00]: around me anymore but so many friends and family members have truly surprised us.

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_00]: By the end we were so paranoid, we started testing some people we were unsure of telling

[00:20:24] [SPEAKER_00]: them I was going into labour. It worked like a charm, we discovered who was still feeding

[00:20:30] [SPEAKER_00]: mum and sister and cut them out. The rest understood when we explained the reasoning.

[00:20:36] [SPEAKER_00]: My ex, who my friends now call Bates, went around saying the baby was his because

[00:20:40] [SPEAKER_00]: we had been having a torrid affair due to my undying love for him. Nobody believes him anymore

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_00]: but it made my husband contact Bates employer and tell him about all the craziness. Long

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_00]: story short he was put on a suspension pending internal reviewing. I'm almost positive he

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_00]: will be fired since they have asked us for more and more info and they seem really apologetic.

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_00]: My mum has tried to find us but all the people that know of our location have gone

[00:21:07] [SPEAKER_00]: no contact with her. My dad's lawyer sent her a letter stating that due to her instability

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_00]: all correspondence will be through lawyers now. It has been aurst to my dad because

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I felt so bad for him being alone. He has promised me he will be fine and nothing is

[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_00]: but I still feel awful. He has been the best babysitter, feeder, diaper changer in the universe.

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_00]: My nephews are loving as always and my dad even got to visit with my sister's son.

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_00]: It came about because she kept making videos threatening to hurt herself if my husband

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_00]: didn't stop alienating her family. So my dad emailed her about seeing her son and told her

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_00]: he would call the police about her threats so that seemed to have stopped it. Lastly

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_00]: someone brought up I gave Bates false hope. I can't be further from the truth.

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_00]: I spent years uncomfortable because I thought he would move on. Then after I spoke up and

[00:21:59] [SPEAKER_00]: then met my husband. I spent such a long time fighting my sister about it. I had a very

[00:22:04] [SPEAKER_00]: long engagement which is why I married after my sister. I still love my mum and sister but

[00:22:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I choose a healthy life for me and my family over that love. I've discovered a lot of

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_00]: love and compassion through this whole thing. As strange as it may seem I feel lucky it all

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00]: exploded. Hopefully it is not much of a ramble. Big hugs from me.

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Hope he came in with another update titled a little Bates update.

[00:22:31] [SPEAKER_00]: We officially moved into a new house with my dad moving into the guest house. We had many

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_00]: discussions both in and outside of therapy and we decided that while it would be good

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_00]: to be with us we all still need our space. We're still renting out the old place and

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_00]: be deciding what to do later. My dad has the grandchildren all together about three times a

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_00]: week now. He still has to see my sister's kids separately since she refused to let him take the

[00:22:55] [SPEAKER_00]: kid unless she knew where he lived. Which to be fair is a normal thing but considering

[00:23:00] [SPEAKER_00]: she is crazy we don't want her close. My mum complained to the lawyers about how unfair

[00:23:05] [SPEAKER_00]: it is that my dad still gets to see all the grandchildren but there is nothing she can do about

[00:23:09] [SPEAKER_00]: it. About a month ago my dad told me she had a confession and my stomach started hurting.

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Dear reader, he pays for my nephews, sister's kids schooling and babysitting which is why

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_00]: she still allows him to see them. He felt so guilty for hiding it and didn't want to keep

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_00]: secrets. I assured him it was nothing wrong and please don't feel bad. On Mother's Day

[00:23:33] [SPEAKER_00]: my dad got an email with a link to an Instagram account in which they made a sad

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_00]: video about my mum and how most of her family has abandoned her and how much of a saint my sister

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_00]: is for being there for her. It was really pathetic and enraged me but I just sent it to the lawyer.

[00:23:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Dad officially files for divorce in May and the process is still ongoing. My mum insists

[00:23:53] [SPEAKER_00]: he is wrong but my dad said he'd rather drink bleach than go back to her so I think that

[00:23:58] [SPEAKER_00]: it is final. My brother and husband took my dad out for Father's Day and had a blast. My

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_00]: mum and dad were so happy to see me and my dad go back to my mum and dad. I'm so happy

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_00]: that I managed to block my dad from even learning about it because we wanted him to enjoy it.

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_00]: They also did a camping trip with the kids, aka went to a hotel, got a suite and put a tent

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_00]: in the middle area for the kids and a little teepee for baby. Honestly, having baby is one

[00:24:22] [SPEAKER_00]: of the best things that's happened to me and seeing my husband be the amazing father I knew

[00:24:26] [SPEAKER_00]: he would be makes me so happy. It is tiring but we have so much support. I feel grateful

[00:24:32] [SPEAKER_00]: beyond anything because I have my rocks on my side, my sister-in-law's and I now get to have

[00:24:37] [SPEAKER_00]: a little calendar on sharing things all the kids get to do, things that are age appropriate

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_00]: and if they want to. We want to let them all know they do not need to hang out with people

[00:24:46] [SPEAKER_00]: they dislike and their voices matter. Right now they're all obsessed with baby and say they're

[00:24:51] [SPEAKER_00]: her protectors and we get little get togethers, brunch etc. Honestly, having family time is now

[00:24:57] [SPEAKER_00]: a pleasure and not a heartache without my sister there. I know it's wrong to say but she sucks

[00:25:03] [SPEAKER_00]: the positivity out of the room. My mother-in-law also loves having time with baby and stays in

[00:25:08] [SPEAKER_00]: the guest room about once a week. She asked politely and said she didn't want to take

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_00]: baby for sleepovers or anything. I feel respected and heard by her and yes have broken

[00:25:17] [SPEAKER_00]: down sometimes because I miss my mum a lot. I miss the mum I had or thought I had, not the one that

[00:25:24] [SPEAKER_00]: told me I'll be a terrible mother or was a hateful woman. My therapist says it's a marathon and to

[00:25:29] [SPEAKER_00]: focus in the good. Speaking about the good, Bates was terminated. Not only that but his

[00:25:36] [SPEAKER_00]: reputation in his industry was not only damaged but nuclear level damaged. So was his

[00:25:41] [SPEAKER_00]: brother's but because brother-in-law is not an industry that cares much about reputation

[00:25:45] [SPEAKER_00]: he still has this job as far as I know. Bates sent me a 12 page double-sided

[00:25:50] [SPEAKER_00]: seemed single-spaced letter about how hurt he is. I'm denying him what's his and my husband

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_00]: is so threatened by him that he has to go and destroy him professionally because he would not

[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_00]: be able to destroy anything else. I said seemed because I didn't read it, my lawyer did

[00:26:05] [SPEAKER_00]: and gave me a summary. I also heard from the grapevine, no I didn't ask people they just tell

[00:26:10] [SPEAKER_00]: me since they know he is stalking me, that the mother of his children moved and he didn't

[00:26:14] [SPEAKER_00]: care and said it was for the best. This man doesn't even care about his kids and what's

[00:26:19] [SPEAKER_00]: up with family with baby and me. Sadly he won't be homeless or anything because mommy already

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_00]: let him move back in with her so I doubt he will learn anything from this. Not the flashiest

[00:26:29] [SPEAKER_00]: of updates but just what it is. Oh and my husband burned or donated every single item

[00:26:34] [SPEAKER_00]: given to him by my mom or my parents with my dad's blessing. He says life is too short

[00:26:40] [SPEAKER_00]: to give us space in his life even with memories. So we have another update which came two years

[00:26:46] [SPEAKER_00]: later, 2024. But first a couple of relevant comments again. Someone says I'm really glad

[00:26:52] [SPEAKER_00]: you're coming through all that with the good bits of your family very intact. I don't

[00:26:56] [SPEAKER_00]: really get the firing part. I get Bates is a bad dude but has he ever done anything

[00:27:00] [SPEAKER_00]: that has relevance or connection to his work? OP says without giving up his industry

[00:27:05] [SPEAKER_00]: is a very close knit one and when you get a bad reputation it sinks you. He was thought

[00:27:10] [SPEAKER_00]: as nice but a distant feminist single dad before this. He even told some co-workers I

[00:27:14] [SPEAKER_00]: was with him for longer than we were. Commenter says OP I'm reading your full

[00:27:19] [SPEAKER_00]: post from the best of Reddit at 1am from my home in India and have respect and sorry

[00:27:24] [SPEAKER_00]: for what you faced and I hope your child grows to be healthy and nice as both of you.

[00:27:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Also I hope this whole fiasco is over soon and you can be back with your mother

[00:27:33] [SPEAKER_00]: after our ex fantasy is over. Respect for you, keep fighting. OP says that is a lovely

[00:27:38] [SPEAKER_00]: sentiment but I will never talk to my mum again. I miss her a lot, I cry a lot. She

[00:27:44] [SPEAKER_00]: is not the person I thought she was and Baby deserves the best family we can get

[00:27:48] [SPEAKER_00]: and my mum is not a part of it. It breaks my heart but I need to protect Baby.

[00:27:53] [SPEAKER_00]: So OP comments on the best of reddit update post and says I came to check the comments

[00:27:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Since a user told me that the sub was full of nice people but so many snarky ones. I

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_00]: won't give more identifying info but Bates is supposed to work with vulnerable people

[00:28:07] [SPEAKER_00]: which is why my husband contacted their employer. As for the money thing,

[00:28:11] [SPEAKER_00]: we all come from well to do backgrounds and for saying something so I never thought

[00:28:15] [SPEAKER_00]: he would suffer for money but he will also never learn anything.

[00:28:19] [SPEAKER_00]: So the post that came two years later. OP says hi reddit, long time no see.

[00:28:24] [SPEAKER_00]: I have some updates for you but first I want to thank you for all your comments and messages.

[00:28:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Every time I log into this account, I'm bombarded by mostly positive things and

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate it a lot. I'm unsure if anybody will read this but for those who want in

[00:28:38] [SPEAKER_00]: updates they are mainly good ones. With that out of the way, let's get to it.

[00:28:43] [SPEAKER_00]: My parents are divorced now. After many fights and tantrums from my mother,

[00:28:47] [SPEAKER_00]: she kept the house and got a bulk payment but that is it. My dad is like a new man

[00:28:51] [SPEAKER_00]: and we are all happy for him. A little throwback, when all the drama happened,

[00:28:56] [SPEAKER_00]: we did not fire our cleaning lady. This is a woman that has been helping my husband's

[00:29:01] [SPEAKER_00]: family for decades and I was very stressed about her being out of work because of what

[00:29:05] [SPEAKER_00]: my crazy family did. Also we are not slobs and she is not polishing floors on her

[00:29:09] [SPEAKER_00]: knees or anything like that. In any case, my dad spoke with her and told her she was on

[00:29:14] [SPEAKER_00]: paid vacation and until we had a new house to please wait for us if she wanted but she was

[00:29:19] [SPEAKER_00]: not fired. She was really happy about it and so was her family. My dad started to get food

[00:29:25] [SPEAKER_00]: and stuff from them from time to time because he was so thankful about what he was doing for

[00:29:29] [SPEAKER_00]: them. Well, she has a sister who owns her own nail salon and my dad is dating her now.

[00:29:35] [SPEAKER_00]: She is a very lovely woman and has grown children so she understands the dynamics

[00:29:39] [SPEAKER_00]: happening sometimes. It's been very clear he is not moving or marrying and she is pleased

[00:29:44] [SPEAKER_00]: that because she likes her independence. My mother nearly had a stroke when she heard about

[00:29:49] [SPEAKER_00]: this new relationship and kept saying it was a late midlife crisis and he had to resort to

[00:29:55] [SPEAKER_00]: being a sugar daddy. This is obviously what I heard because I didn't have any contact with her

[00:30:00] [SPEAKER_00]: but last I heard is she is having a hard time. She is struggling because she was never good

[00:30:05] [SPEAKER_00]: at budgeting and relied on my dad to put a stop on ridiculous purchases. My sister is also

[00:30:10] [SPEAKER_00]: struggling because my dad is not helping her with money anymore. You'll see he is willing

[00:30:15] [SPEAKER_00]: to keep helping for the sake of my nephew but then things got very rough. My nephew started

[00:30:20] [SPEAKER_00]: calling my kid an affair baby, how she is not with a real dad. He called my other nephews

[00:30:25] [SPEAKER_00]: delusional and during a birthday party he even pushed one of my nephews on my husband's side

[00:30:30] [SPEAKER_00]: saying they were not my kids cousins only he was. The kids were perplexed and so so so

[00:30:36] [SPEAKER_00]: but immediately told an adult about it. My dad spoke with him but he kept repeating it.

[00:30:42] [SPEAKER_00]: He spoke with my sister and said she could do nothing to prevent a kid telling the truth

[00:30:46] [SPEAKER_00]: and didn't all kids tell always the truth. He told her until there is a change he is

[00:30:50] [SPEAKER_00]: cutting them off. She panicked and cried but she is also super stubborn so now my nephew

[00:30:55] [SPEAKER_00]: goes to public school because my husband made my dad cut them off. Fates. Well,

[00:31:01] [SPEAKER_00]: he is still unemployed. I know I was cryptic about it but he was in an industry related to

[00:31:07] [SPEAKER_00]: vulnerable women and some of it related to stalking. Irony much? That's why he was fired.

[00:31:13] [SPEAKER_00]: The organization he was in didn't want this to splash on them. I received two more very long

[00:31:18] [SPEAKER_00]: handwritten rambling letters from him and since he only has my lawyers address, guess who has

[00:31:22] [SPEAKER_00]: the honor of receiving, reading and file those ramblings. I love my lawyer and he's a champ.

[00:31:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Apart from that and the gossip, I've not had bad issues related to him except for one.

[00:31:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I was at the grocery store and a random woman came over to ask if my kid was Bates baby.

[00:31:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I was speechless and shocked. I asked her what she was on and she said he has a photo of

[00:31:44] [SPEAKER_00]: us on his profile and I should be ashamed of myself for hurting such a good man. Turns out

[00:31:49] [SPEAKER_00]: he is still going by the narrative, my kid is his and I loved him so much. That is all

[00:31:57] [SPEAKER_00]: This is not a photo that has been public or anything like that. It was sent to a family

[00:32:03] [SPEAKER_00]: group once and that's it. I told my husband immediately and he was enraged but composed.

[00:32:09] [SPEAKER_00]: We decided to smoke out the rat. Long story short, it was my dad's two sisters feeding

[00:32:14] [SPEAKER_00]: info to my mom. My dad was disappointed but also had no doubts of cutting them off.

[00:32:19] [SPEAKER_00]: They're still begging him to talk to them again. My brother and his family are doing

[00:32:23] [SPEAKER_00]: great. We see them a lot and have been in some family holidays since the last update.

[00:32:28] [SPEAKER_00]: They are also no contact with my mom and sister. My sister-in-law is actually super

[00:32:32] [SPEAKER_00]: happy about it because it turns out she was not a fan of our mom but kept the peace.

[00:32:37] [SPEAKER_00]: My in-laws kept being lovely as well. I feel our mother-in-law overnight babysitting now too

[00:32:41] [SPEAKER_00]: and she is over the moon with it. Sometimes she has all her grandchildren under the same roof

[00:32:46] [SPEAKER_00]: and they are all delighted to be with her. She is a former flight attendant so their

[00:32:50] [SPEAKER_00]: game is to pretend airplane. Overall they love her and we know she is good with our kid so we

[00:32:56] [SPEAKER_00]: don't worry. She had to make her socials private because my mom kept stalking her.

[00:33:01] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure she is extremely jealous but she made her own bed. Lastly, my husband keeps me sane

[00:33:06] [SPEAKER_00]: whenever little things come up. We are thinking if we should have another baby or maybe adopt

[00:33:11] [SPEAKER_00]: one. We are still undecided. We have a great support system and we are privileged

[00:33:16] [SPEAKER_00]: to have this conversation. I still miss my mom a lot. I sometimes cry when I realize there are

[00:33:22] [SPEAKER_00]: milestones I can no longer share with her but she is a bad person and the safety of my family

[00:33:27] [SPEAKER_00]: matters more. Last fun fact, this father's day they actually went camping. It was great apart

[00:33:33] [SPEAKER_00]: from the mosquito bites and some ill-placed sunburns. There was one relevant comment on

[00:33:38] [SPEAKER_00]: that. Someone said could Bates ask for a paternity test or report the photo?

[00:33:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Opie said we already did a paternity test. Not with Bates but with my husband. We never had any

[00:33:48] [SPEAKER_00]: doubt obviously but my lawyer suggested to have it done in case he claimed it. The photo incident

[00:33:53] [SPEAKER_00]: was a while back and we already took it off his Facebook page. I didn't want to go further

[00:33:57] [SPEAKER_00]: because I don't want to see him again. And absolutely Opie just needs to keep away from

[00:34:03] [SPEAKER_00]: those people, separate them. I can't help but feel sad for the nephew that he's also been

[00:34:08] [SPEAKER_00]: twisted to think in sister's way. Can you just imagine having to constantly deal with these people

[00:34:17] [SPEAKER_00]: time and time again over the years? It sounds absolutely exhausting and this is without having

[00:34:23] [SPEAKER_00]: to like deal with normal everyday life stuff, you know, deal with the gas bill, the electric

[00:34:29] [SPEAKER_00]: bill, run your normal day errands and then you're having to deal with this kind of shit

[00:34:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Holy moly.