My Family Are Angry At Me For Not Transferring Our Baby Fund To Our Nephews Uni Fund r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories and if you do love a Reddit Story why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:18] Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from basically a string of numbers from the Am I the Arsehole subreddit and before we do get into it there are some warnings of mentions of miscarriage and wishing death upon someone as well so if you

[00:00:31] don't want to skip the story please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Now let's get started. It's Am I the Arsehole for not giving my nephew my baby's fund? Chris, my husband 31, Rory, father-in-law,

[00:00:47] Sean, my nephew 16, and Tom, my brother 35. I, 30 female, don't have a baby right now. About 2 years ago I got pregnant and Chris and I told our families. Rory gave us a cheque for £1000. He said he wanted us to use it to buy baby stuff

[00:01:05] while the kid was young and whatever was left over should be saved for when our child turns 18 and then given to them. I miscarried shortly after and we tried to give Rory the money back

[00:01:16] but he asked if we were planning on trying again to which we replied that we wouldn't be any time soon but someday definitely. He said to keep the money, put it in a savings account and keep adding

[00:01:28] to it for when we did have a baby. Chris and I tried to put in about £10 a week between us, which is doable for high school teachers. We missed a couple of weeks but there's about

[00:01:39] £2500 in there right now and we've never taken out of it. In 2 years the only people who've put money in this account are me, Chris, and Rory. Both myself and Chris have been to therapy

[00:01:52] and we agreed to try again about 6 months ago and I'm now pregnant again at 4 months. We told our families today and Rory and my mother in law are both really happy for us as are my parents.

[00:02:04] Tom however looked a bit sad. They asked if I could speak to him off to one side. In the conversation that ensued Tom said that he'd actually been hoping to ask me about the

[00:02:14] baby fund. Tom and his wife are both on living wage, meaning they earn slightly less than us as they had Sean at the age where they would have gone to uni. So it's important to them that

[00:02:25] Sean gets to go. Sean is 16 but plans to go to uni in a couple of years. Tom and his wife are concerned that if Sean got a job to save up it would affect his grades and they don't have the

[00:02:37] money to spare. So before Tom knew I was pregnant he was basically hoping he could ask me to transfer the current contents of the baby fund over to Sean and keep giving Sean the money that would

[00:02:49] otherwise go into the baby fund. As he worries Sean will not be able to afford uni otherwise. If I were to agree to this and keep doing it until he finished uni, I could restart the baby

[00:02:59] fund when the baby I'm currently carrying is about 5 years old. I told Tom I wasn't comfortable with that for several reasons. The main one being at most a third of it is actually my money.

[00:03:09] That the money is meant for my baby and that the money was also meant to be used when the baby was due to get baby stuff which we'd struggle to afford otherwise on teachers wages. I said I'd be

[00:03:20] willing to work something out and that with the pregnancy Chris is gradually taking on more house work so maybe if Sean wanted to come over and do some garden or help with chores I could pay him

[00:03:29] out of my money, not the baby fund. But Tom says that Sean can't be distracted from his studies. I said that while I love my nephew I'm just not comfortable giving money meant for my child to Sean. And I'm the asshole. Edits

[00:03:44] My family side with Tom as the baby isn't born yet and have time to rebuild the fund. Chris and Rory side with me in that the money as far as they're concerned is for the child

[00:03:55] and grandchild. But Rory also said do what you think is best. Mother in law wants to keep the peace but the initial money was just as much her idea as Rory's. Clarification, Rory has no relation

[00:04:08] to either Tom or Sean and no one on my side of the family other than me has made any contribution to the baby fund. I know we've covered a lot of stories with entitlement etc but when someone has

[00:04:21] a goal to ask something like this and it's just so incredibly bloody rude. Plenty of people that I've known that's gone on to uni have worked their way through uni, had a job at the same time.

[00:04:34] It's absolutely possible but to discover that someone else has got some money saved up and then you go and say oh can you just transfer that to my son. Absolutely weird and what's even more

[00:04:46] heartbreaking is they knew what that fund was for as well and what you've gone through at the same time so that makes it even more heartbreaking for me. Absolutely not the asshole in this situation

[00:04:57] do not transfer that money. End of. But Arch Amber says not the asshole your nephew is not your financial responsibility your child is. Next commenter says no just no what on earth do not

[00:05:11] give any of this money to Tom. I do not understand how he even dares to entertain the thought of asking you for it considering the history tied with this money. Miscarriage and that it is yours

[00:05:21] it had nothing to do with building these savings it is not your responsibility to put Sean through uni. Not the asshole. Another user says not the asshole perhaps Tom could get a second job to

[00:05:33] take care of his own responsibilities instead of mooching off someone else. What a rude selfish thing to ask. Shake my head I just cannot get over the sheer arrogance of this. If they put aside $10

[00:05:45] a week or whatever for the course of your nephew's life this wouldn't be a concern. Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on your part. Basically they saw dollar signs and

[00:05:55] hope you'd just be too sad to keep the money if you weren't pregnant. Farrow of Tiger says not the asshole. Even if you weren't pregnant I think it's an incredibly rude imposition to ask you to give

[00:06:06] Sean any of the baby fund. Tom and his wife need to work out supporting their own child and if Sean needs to put uni off to save up to avoid working and studying then so be it. It is not

[00:06:16] your responsibility to pay for your nephew especially now that you are pregnant and will be needing that money. It's also an extra tactless step that Tom asks knowing you're now pregnant again. It would

[00:06:27] be rude before but now he knows he's asking you to take your relatively small baby fund because he wants his son to have an easier ride he can't provide. And one more comment from Sean Su who says

[00:06:39] not the asshole. He not only wants the money you've saved but for you to keep contributing to his son's college fund. Since when are uncles and aunties responsible for paying for college for their nieces and nephews? It's Tom's and his wife's responsibility to fund their children's education.

[00:06:54] If that's an issue then Sean should get a part-time job and help out. Plenty of people have managed to work and study at the same time and that just might be what they need to happen. This is not

[00:07:04] your responsibility. I think it'd have been really interesting to know what Sean's point of view is on this as well. Does he agree with his dad and mom or would he be like what the fuck why are you

[00:07:14] asking this from my aunt? But OP did come in with her update and said hi. Of all the things I was expecting to see in this thread I didn't quite expect this lol. Still pregnant about seven months.

[00:07:26] My husband and I agreed to pay my nephew and niece to do some jobs for me around the house and they've accumulated a chunk of cash each. Niece at £100 ish, nephew closer to 500. Check out when

[00:07:38] they go to university. Brother is none the wiser and thanks to their efforts the nursery is ready to go. Nephew has asked his parents to let him get a job but still no luck. However his college

[00:07:49] does these programs within school time which pay so he's applying for one of those. My mother outright wished that I lost this child because I was so selfish to not help out family and my brother

[00:08:01] agreed and said that he would make sure to teach my child to take care of others and that they each made a facebook post about it which ended up with me getting a bunch of anonymous messages wishing

[00:08:11] sickness and death on me and my child. I came off social media and have not spoken to either my mother or brother in a couple of months. Outside of that I'm doing okay. Baby looks healthy, marriage

[00:08:22] going strong and no one has wished death on me or my baby since I blocked my mother and brother. So shit got wild for a second there but I think it's pretty much over. What the hell? There is

[00:08:35] no coming back from that from your family. Wishing death upon your child? That's just sick. I'm actually posting this bullshit to to social media at the same time expecting people to back them. I really hope they didn't. I'm suspecting the anonymous message you got were like dummy

[00:08:53] accounts from your mum and brother because they're twisted and I think anyone reading into this will be going like what the hell? So unless they span their own narrative on social media that made

[00:09:02] themselves look good in some kind of way. Scratching my head how that might be but I can't imagine anyone reading into this will be their strange ass behavior. One comment on this that said okay I get they apparently live on minimum wage but they're going this hard over £2,500.

[00:09:20] Did she miss a zero? That's basically $3,000 give or take. Her nephew could get a summer job as a cashier or something and probably make that in a few months. Also it's not like that much money

[00:09:30] would pay for everything they'd need. They'd probably still need a part-time job or something to help pay for fees and supplies at least. I get that the brother wants the best for his son and

[00:09:39] for him not to split focus while in school but holy crap wishing death upon your sister who's already been through a miscarriage and her unborn child over again around $3,000 is next level bat

[00:09:51] shit crazy. Now obviously I don't know where this post is but you'll be surprised at how little money can turn families against each other. I'm currently noting stories another Waffle Original about a family which I knew which basically imploded over them winning some bingo money.

[00:10:09] Have you got bingo where you are? But hopefully that will be coming soon but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:10:44] Now our next story comes from PotentialClaim9399 and says I'm the asshole for refusing a co-worker's gift of used housewares. So I, 30 female recently eloped with my boyfriend, well now husband 39 male. We purchased a home on the lake in a new subdivision and it truly is our dream home.

[00:11:05] We had closed on our house about a month prior to the elopement so we already had moved our belongings in and purchased anything else we needed and sold any other belongings that we

[00:11:14] had in each of our apartments since the leases were up or almost up. Once some of my co-workers found out we had eloped they wanted to throw me a shower. I politely told them I was perfectly fine

[00:11:25] with having a little party to celebrate but no gifts. When asked why no gifts I told them honestly didn't need anything. Typically in my area when a wedding shower or housewarming party is thrown

[00:11:37] people gift toasters or sets of dishes etc. Our home is furnished, we both have successful jobs. No gifts or monetary gifts please but we would love to celebrate with you. Your presence is the only gift we want. That was basically the conversation and it was received well.

[00:11:55] The party happened and all went well. Yesterday a co-worker who had not come to the party randomly showed up at our home. I am not close with this person, we actually try to avoid each other most

[00:12:06] days. Anyway she arrived at our home with three large black trash bags that contained used houseware items from our home. She said she knew it was hard when you are first starting out and thought these

[00:12:18] items could help us while we get on our feet. She also made a comment about how she was going to have a garage sale but would rather just give them to someone who needed them. I told her I really

[00:12:29] appreciate the thought but that we were settled and maybe she should take her items and give them to someone who needed them because we were on our feet. She said I was just being modest. She ended

[00:12:39] up refusing to tell me how she got my address and also refused to take her gifts back with her. I told her we didn't need her items but if she wanted to leave them I'd be happy to donate them

[00:12:50] for her. She said I was being rude. She did leave the bags though and I'm taking them to a local consignment store that sells items and uses the money to help survivors of domestic violence. Am I the arsehole?

[00:13:32] And personally I don't want this to sound rude or ungrateful or anything but I wouldn't want to have to deal with three trash bags full of I got enough of my own crap around my house you know. I gotta

[00:13:42] sort out at some point. I simply don't think she was being rude in this situation. But one commenter says not the arsehole how did she get your address? That's the worrying thing for me. She knew what

[00:13:53] she was doing was BS or she would given it to you at work. It's worth finding out if she misused company resources to find your new address in case you need to start a thing with HR.

[00:14:04] Opie says I've thought about it. I think the fact that we are not friends and mutually do not care for one another is the concerning part for me. Had it been a friend they would have asked for

[00:14:13] the address or it would have already been given to them. But a random person from work that I dislike randomly showing up? No thank you. I'm scheduling a meeting with HR first thing tomorrow commenter says this is 100% my paranoia and predilection for reading fiction talking but

[00:14:30] don't keep anything that was given to you. It's extremely unlikely but what if there was a monitoring recording tracking device in something? Opie says new fear unlocked. Prairie Mountain Zen says not the arsehole she was too lazy to have a garage sale so

[00:14:45] dumped all of her old junk onto you instead and pretended it was a housewarming gift. Yeah no thanks. Diligent Comfort says not the arsehole it would have been no one's an arsehole here if your colleague had accepted your refusal of the gifts when you first made it.

[00:14:59] Ignoring your refusal and effectively dumping things on you was in itself rude and an arsehole move. This is actually a problem for me as I've had a number of experiences of a similar nature.

[00:15:10] People can't bear to throw away useful items that they no longer want but can't be bothered to sell or donate them themselves. Solution dump them onto someone else as a gift. It gets rid of the problem

[00:15:20] it sounds generous and well-meaning and leaves the recipient with a disposal problem. Sorted. Just Another says not the arsehole it was rude to show up at your home. It was rude to ignore the

[00:15:30] no gifts please ask. It was rude to say you're in such need you need her leftovers. It was rude to bring you trash and it was rude to ignore your refusal and leave the bags. The heart may have

[00:15:41] been in the right place but she had so many opportunities in the correct course that it makes her an arsehole to you. Good for you for sending the items on to folks who will need them and for a good cause

[00:15:50] and congrats on the new home and husband. One angry ravenclaw says you are obviously living in a different economic and social structure than this woman which is why she actually drove up to your

[00:16:01] new lakefront home and continued to think shucks my co-worker must need cookie sheets. There's a clear disconnect here and as you said it was obviously in the office too. You were not the

[00:16:11] arsehole and your gentle refusal was very polite. I don't believe this woman had the coherent thought lol i'll bring my used goods in trash bags so she'll have to bring them to goodwill not me.

[00:16:21] She also didn't think um lakefront property two high earners who are not 19 years old. She just didn't think and most of my circle is lower income economically and none of us would ever show up

[00:16:33] with bags of used home goods uninvited. It's embarrassing for the giver and the receiver unless it's asked for and the relationship is close. This is awkward and uncommon behavior and you are not the arsehole. One more comment from sweetice tea who says not the arsehole. I

[00:16:48] had a co-worker like this. A couple of other co-workers had given me clothing for my kids. The stuff was in fantastic condition some of it still with tags on and 95% good usable clothing.

[00:17:00] It was appreciated. Another co-worker caught wind of this and offered me clothing. I was like sure I'd appreciate it. Well she comes in and gives me a contractor bag filled with the grossest stained stretched out crap you've ever seen. The only place it belonged was in a dumpster.

[00:17:16] I eventually found out that she took all of her good clothes and sold them to a consignment store and gave me the rest to save herself a trip to the thrift store. Seriously these things weren't

[00:17:26] even fit for the thrift store. Ultimately I just tied up the bag and put it directly into my trash can. Of course to be polite and because I had to continue working with this person I didn't say a

[00:17:36] word. She offered me clothing a couple more times after that but I politely declined saying another friend had gifted me clothing and I was all set. So OP comes in with her update and says HR was

[00:17:48] miraculously able to see me this morning. She also found the address issue concerning. I work in healthcare and I am also a patient where I work. Everything you access within our system is logged.

[00:17:59] So when they pulled her access records it turned out my co-worker had accessed my medical records 5 times within a week. It was never within her job duties to access my file. She had also accessed

[00:18:10] two other co-workers files. They terminated her employment on the spot. Within our company and what I imagined most, that has grounds for immediate termination. My sister in law is also an employee there and she had accessed my records as well. Her employment was also terminated.

[00:18:27] Now I'm wondering if I need to seek legal action or even get a restraining order. My husband donated the items this morning. He said he didn't want them in the garage any longer

[00:18:35] than necessary. I'd read in the comment about the items possibly having bugs or being bugs and now we are both paranoid. The commenter said, so glad to read that. That's a lot of crazy to deal with.

[00:18:47] Now that she's gone, the items are gone. I hope your peace of mind is improved. A restraining order may be a good idea. I hope some law or legal legal types weigh in on that.

[00:18:56] Hopi says oh there is no peace of mind now. I honestly feel worse. If a person is so unhinged to do what she did, like where is the stopping point? Will there be retaliation against us?

[00:19:08] It's scary at this point and to be honest I don't feel safe. If you could have seen her face when they walked her out. Oh my goodness it was frightening. That is absolutely terrifying

[00:19:19] and really sad for the Hopi at the same time. That you know they just it just got married, they just moved into a new place and they're having to deal with this kind of shit because

[00:19:29] of someone else's actions. And I was both shocked and not shocked how quickly she got fired. That you get fired on the spot for that kind of thing. I mean it makes total sense doesn't it? Miss using

[00:19:40] company records like that yeah absolutely it deserves that kind of thing. But I was like whoa they are not messing about. There was one comment below that and I know the whole thing is not a

[00:19:49] laughing matter but someone mentioned about the trash bags and the woman turned up with three trash bags and she says and the commenter was joking about where are they finding these trash

[00:19:58] bags that can hold that amount of stuff. They said they put a large banana peel in there and it rips. It's pretty much the same with the trash bag around ours. They're the equivalent of one

[00:20:08] ply toilet paper your fingers just go through them. Anyway what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Just a huge thank you for joining

[00:20:21] me today. Get involved in the stories, your love, the support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much and hopefully I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.