My Ex-Girlfriend Cheated On Me But Her Sister Still Lives With Me r/Relationships

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[00:00:51] I was with my ex-girlfriend, Sarah from secondary school. We've been together for ten years

[00:01:09] and we're working hard to save up and get married. We were working in different cities

[00:01:14] about 70 miles apart but I would get the train every weekend to be with her. Anyway, when

[00:01:20] a sister, let's call her Katie, applied to university in my city, she lived in halls

[00:01:25] for the first year but couldn't really afford a place to live in a decent location so

[00:01:30] I said she would come and live with me rent free. It wasn't weird at all, I'd known

[00:01:36] her since she was nine. It made everything more manageable for her family. Everything

[00:01:41] was okay for about a year. Even nice. She was tidy, pretty much kept to herself, had

[00:01:47] a few friends over but didn't party or bring boyfriend's home while I was there. I

[00:01:51] assumed she did at weekends when I was away. Just over a year and a half ago, Sarah told

[00:01:56] me she'd been cheating on me in a massive way. She'd been in a relationship with another

[00:02:01] guy for about three months and happened living in his house. Only coming back to the flat

[00:02:06] at weekend when I was coming down to visit. She decided that she wanted to live with him

[00:02:12] openly and almost tied up lying to me. She admitted that most weekends she would find

[00:02:17] time to go back and have sex with him if there was an opportunity too.

[00:02:20] It was a horrible shock and I felt completely numb for weeks. Katie was busy with university

[00:02:27] and was unbelievably nice about the whole thing. She stayed out of my way and got on with

[00:02:32] her studies. Didn't bring friends or boyfriend's home. She finished their degree. I assumed

[00:02:37] that she would move on and move out but she got a job at the university admin department

[00:02:42] and is still living here. It's not awkward for me in terms of living with her but it's

[00:02:46] really difficult to explain to friends and it's still a little painful because she looks

[00:02:51] a lot like Sarah. I don't feel comfortable staying to women that I live with my cheating

[00:02:55] ex-girlfriend's little sister. I can't exactly tell her to find somewhere else because none

[00:03:00] of this is her fault. What should I do? To me, at the moment of the story it sounds

[00:03:07] like just mentioning the situation overall and I think if I was in the sister's position

[00:03:12] I would totally understand especially when she's living with you rent free as well.

[00:03:17] I think things might be a little bit awkward. Be interested to know what her thoughts are

[00:03:20] on the whole situation but it's a good time if any really.

[00:03:24] Harry Sash says yes you can ask Katie to move out. She's a grown adult who has finished

[00:03:29] her degree and has a job. A bare minimum she should be paying rent and her share of

[00:03:33] utilities. Frankly the assumption that you will continue to house her for free is galling.

[00:03:39] However, if you want to continue having your friend Katie as a roommate that isn't anyone

[00:03:44] else's business. That said it sounds like you might be able to move on with your life

[00:03:48] and relationships and such easily if Katie moved out. I recommend that you tell her it's

[00:03:53] time for you to have your own space and she hasn't until the end of June to move out.

[00:03:57] Now the grouse says it sounds like it's a good time for her to move on. I've had a discussion

[00:04:01] with her. Tell her how much you have enjoyed living with her and suggest that it might

[00:04:05] be time for some new living arrangements in their near future.

[00:04:09] And one more comment which says I mean she can't live with you forever. I'm sure she understands

[00:04:14] the generosity of living with you rent free was predicated on you being with her sister

[00:04:19] and will probably not be surprised if you ask her to move out. It's true she didn't

[00:04:23] do anything wrong but neither did you and if this arrangement isn't working for you anymore

[00:04:27] it's your right to tell her that. You have to protect your own well being. Don't just have

[00:04:32] to kick her out but it sounds like it's time to sit down and discuss the timeline for having

[00:04:36] a finder in place. And you know if anything she can blame her sister for the situation but

[00:04:43] OP comes in with their first update which was titled, oh dear. Ive also for dating my ex-girlfriends

[00:04:51] younger sister. I posted the full backstory a couple of weeks ago on a different subreddit

[00:04:56] and then links it. I had 28 male, in with Sarah 27 female not a real name since we were teenagers

[00:05:03] and we were living in different cities trying to save up enough for a house together.

[00:05:07] Assist the KT 22 female again not a real name applied to a university in my city

[00:05:13] and after a year in halls moved in with me for economy's sake.

[00:05:17] We'd known each other forever it was fine solved problems all around. Just over a year and a

[00:05:23] half ago Sarah told me she'd been cheated on me in a massive way. She'd been in a relationship

[00:05:28] with another guy for about three months and had been living in his house only coming back to the

[00:05:33] flat at weekends when I was coming down the visit. She decided that she wanted to live with him

[00:05:38] openly and was tired of lying to me. She admitted that most weekends she would find time to go

[00:05:43] back and have sex with him if there was an opportunity to once I had fallen asleep.

[00:05:48] It was a horrible shock and I felt completely numb for weeks.

[00:05:52] After 18 months KT was still living with me non-romantically. I wasn't sure about what to do about

[00:05:59] this and when I posted on relationships I was just coming around to the realization that I liked

[00:06:04] having her around and didn't want her to leave. Since I posted we spent more time together socially

[00:06:10] than on Monday I asked her if she'd like to go for dinner as kind of a date. We had a really nice

[00:06:15] time. We kissed once but we didn't go further. We both realized this was a complex situation and

[00:06:21] wanted to take things slowly. I can't help feeling that I'm irretrievably an asshole though. Am I?

[00:06:28] Edit. Thank you for all your comments whether you're an assholeed meal or not. Is that the correct

[00:06:33] verb? I've never heard of that one. We have had a long talk, first just between us and then with her

[00:06:42] dad and aunt. A mum died six years ago. Then I've been very supportive since Sarah and I broke up

[00:06:48] and we wanted to involve them before going any further. We are going to take things very slowly

[00:06:53] and her dad is going to pay half rent. He offered to pay to help her move out as some people

[00:06:58] suggested but for financial reasons how would be difficult for him and impossible for her to

[00:07:03] manage financially? We haven't decided about telling Sarah. I haven't spoken to her since it

[00:07:08] happened and Katie has only spoken to her in occasional messages. We have talked about everything

[00:07:14] that's been raised on here at some length. There's a difficult situation and there is a power

[00:07:19] dynamic that we have done what we can to mitigate. Ultimately, we do have feelings for each other

[00:07:24] and have for some time but absolutely never have dated her for revenge or for any other reason.

[00:07:30] I would never do anything to her to upset her. I understand if you think I'm the an asshole

[00:07:37] but I'm trying my best and we do have an update to that post in a moment.

[00:07:43] I'll cover a couple of comments from that post just to give you a gist of what happened there so

[00:07:47] Hey girl 333 says not the asshole. I mean your ex will be kind of an idiot to it not at least

[00:07:53] to suspect something might go down with her sister who she knows is living with you after she cheated.

[00:07:58] If it's consensual, I don't see much of an issue. The record this really should be

[00:08:02] something the little sister should be posting. You're a bit older and in a slight position of

[00:08:06] power over her in a way so tread lightly. If she was smart, she wouldn't shit where she ate

[00:08:12] and she needs to communicate what's going on with her own sister when she's ready. That's not

[00:08:16] your responsibility in any way shape or form. Hackle says everyone sucks here even if it goes well

[00:08:23] with Katie how do you envision family dinners playing out? Opie responded saying I'm afraid I'm not

[00:08:31] really one for drama. When Sarah told me about her affair, she spoke for 20 minutes straight and

[00:08:37] after I paused I had said alright okay then hang up we've not spoken since.

[00:08:44] Let's go the cube says everyone sucks here this is just a bad idea for everyone involved

[00:08:49] there are literally millions of women you could date who you don't have such a messy history with

[00:08:54] think about the long term if things go well you really want to sit across from the cheetah

[00:08:59] and the cheeto every thanksgiving. Do you want Katie to feel like she has to choose sides?

[00:09:04] Make a clean break with this family and go meet some new people.

[00:09:09] Eek replies that saying I pretty much agree with you however I didn't see how this makes

[00:09:13] Opie an asshole. I agree that it isn't a very pragmatic decision to date Katie because as you

[00:09:19] pointed out there are plenty of other women out there and it will definitely be awkward if they're

[00:09:23] together long term. However if Katie agrees to the relationship and Opie agrees to the relationship

[00:09:28] that I don't see the issue the only people they can hurt is themselves.

[00:09:33] And one more comment from Learjay who says everyone sucks here. Tiblings are so off limits that you've

[00:09:39] entered into Twilight Zone territory Katie is pretty young so perhaps she's just not thinking

[00:09:44] things through but you don't have that excuse there's no point in dating someone if you don't

[00:09:48] see some degree of future with them so imagine yours all quit as fuck family dinners reminiscing

[00:09:54] about past experiences only to realise that oops that was your sister not you.

[00:10:00] I've attended the Ru and assist a relationship and isolate your partner from her family no good.

[00:10:06] So Opie came into the update to that post and says I have had two requests for updates and

[00:10:11] I'm not sure if there's a threshold but I thought I'd share anyway in case anyone was curious

[00:10:16] and to say thank you for the advice it did shape the way we went about getting together

[00:10:21] who we told and when our families have been incredibly supportive and we're really happy together

[00:10:27] it's been about a month but it feels so perfectly right we've had the endless conversations

[00:10:32] about our feelings and our plans we started to redecorate the house and we're planning

[00:10:36] to go on holiday together in the summer it feels so much more wonderful than I'd ever imagined

[00:10:41] it would be I don't know what else to add but if you ever find yourself in a difficult situation

[00:10:46] forking it through is so so important everybody feels safer and better about everything when

[00:10:52] you communicate or the best so four years later Opie comes in with their new post and says my 33

[00:11:01] male fiancee's 27 female sister 32 female wants to come to our wedding she's also my ex

[00:11:09] is there a good way of resolving this we're now engaged and we're starting to plan the wedding

[00:11:15] for early next year the relationship between my fiancee and her sister slash my ex is better than

[00:11:21] it was exchange messages at birthdays and Christmas but don't meet up in exchange presents

[00:11:27] she's still single and now lives abroad and she found out about the engagement a couple of months

[00:11:32] ago at Christmas she mentioned needing to know the date early to book the cheapest flights home

[00:11:38] my fiancee was too shocked to reply she doesn't want her sister there I'm too excited about

[00:11:44] getting married to care too much one way or the other I prefer not to be there but I'd roll with it

[00:11:50] if necessary I fiancee doesn't want her there but all her family assume it'll be fine for the day

[00:11:55] because it's a family wedding oh deary b and it should all be water under the bridge I can't stress

[00:12:03] enough how little I care about the sister being there or not I just want everyone else to be as happy

[00:12:08] at the wedding as I'll be impossible or as close to that as I can manage and the top comment with

[00:12:14] Opie's reply says this one gosh if only 149 people had warned you this would happen four years ago

[00:12:22] I'd let your fiancee handle this her sister her family her objection stay the hell out of it

[00:12:28] and support whatever your fiancee chooses Opie says thanks this is what I'm planning on doing and

[00:12:34] if asked I just support her choice but now I'm gonna turn this one to you guys what do you guys make

[00:12:42] of this situation how would you deal with it if it was you let us know your thoughts down in the

[00:12:48] comments below and let's move on to another story tired of ads intruding into your favorite

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[00:13:14] to catch up on the latest episodes without the ads hey everyone I've been on the go recently

[00:13:22] Phoenix Kansas City Chicago if you're like me and have a home but aren't always at home you have

[00:13:29] an Airbnb posting your home or a spare room is a very practical side hustle if you live in a big game

[00:13:37] town you can air bnb your place for fans to stay in your home might be worth more than you think

[00:13:43] find out how much at air bnb.com slash post

[00:13:48] boring which comes from a deleted user from the am i the arsol here subreddit and says

[00:13:57] am i the arsol here and not wanting to work with co worker who followed me and took pictures of

[00:14:03] me with my extramarital partner so first off I never cheated on my wife we have an open marriage

[00:14:12] we have our own extramarital partners that we see together and all by ourselves

[00:14:17] i co-workers all know i'm married as a wife accompanies me to work events but

[00:14:21] they did not know about our open marriage a few months ago my wife told me she got sent a bunch of

[00:14:26] pictures from my co-worker Jordan the pictures are of me when i was on the date with another woman

[00:14:33] my wife knows about this partner and knew about us being out on that date so she was not

[00:14:38] surprised at all but found the whole thing funny i however was a little weirded out i could

[00:14:44] understand maybe taking a picture or two but based on the pictures Jordan would have had to be

[00:14:49] following us for five plus hours to the point where she must have followed us in a car to multiple

[00:14:55] locations as well as waited outside the hotel room the whole time that just creep me out

[00:15:01] after explaining that to my wife she agreed it was a little creepy

[00:15:05] Jordan and i usually work together fairly frequently but i didn't feel comfortable working with her

[00:15:10] anymore so i decided to talk to her about it and Jordan was put on other projects the other

[00:15:16] projects Jordan got put on aren't as good as the projects i'm on to now Jordan is upset because

[00:15:21] she thinks i've derailed her career which honestly may be true but all she was doing was trying

[00:15:27] to look out for my wife she thinks what she did was reasonable considering no one knew about me and

[00:15:32] my wife's open marriage once everything was explained i should have gotten over it and she shouldn't

[00:15:37] get punished for doing the right thing i still don't feel comfortable working with her though

[00:15:42] kind of even less than before since i feel like she's so hostile now so in the comments existing

[00:15:48] can 319 says not the arsehole if someone took a picture of me with another partner and sent it to

[00:15:53] my primary partner it could be overlooked it's just looking out for them this person took many

[00:15:58] pictures and followed you to different locations for 5 plus hours that is beyond excessive

[00:16:04] would make most people uncomfortable playful natural reply says saying stalking is called stalking

[00:16:11] backdover says to be clear have you confirmed that Jordan followed you and it wasn't just a coincidence

[00:16:17] that she saw you on your date hope he says we would have been impossible for her not to have followed

[00:16:22] us based on the pictures she took like i said in my post there were pictures taken at multiple

[00:16:27] locations we had gone that night these locations were miles apart i can also tell based on our

[00:16:33] state of dress the difference of the pictures of us going into the hotel room versus the ones of

[00:16:37] us coming out which was several hours later it wasn't just a couple of pictures of us that she

[00:16:43] took when she happened upon us adventurous travel once says she created a hostile workplace even

[00:16:49] if it was after work she stalked you and sent the pictures this was hr choice so it doesn't matter

[00:16:55] what she thinks people have a right not to talk about private matters so op comes in with her

[00:17:02] update and says so a thing happened with a new co-worker yesterday for making introductions Jordan

[00:17:07] decided to bring up my open marriage which was super awkward and weird ended up going back to HR

[00:17:13] about it at the end of the day they had already gotten other comments from some other employees

[00:17:17] about it instead right away that it was inappropriate and they would be taking disciplinary action

[00:17:23] when i came into work today i found out Jordan was let go finally little thing i heard from someone

[00:17:28] else was that she had apparently had tried to defend herself by saying she was trying to be helpful

[00:17:33] but making sure the new employee was clearly informed and didn't misunderstand things like her

[00:17:38] there was a couple of comments on the update which says so one from lazy germ who says i just

[00:17:43] read your original post wow even if she was a supreme busy body or a black male that's really

[00:17:50] crazy to follow you and your other partner for five hours i'm glad she's out of your hair but

[00:17:55] i'll be on my guard around my home and work in other places i go one more comment which says i'm

[00:18:00] glad you didn't have to work with her anymore but might dude get yourself security cameras if you

[00:18:05] don't already have them five plus hours how does someone get that amount of time to follow someone

[00:18:15] holy moly i wish i had that kind of spare time let us know your thoughts down in the comments

[00:18:20] below on this one let's have another story from the ami the arsel subreddit and this story doesn't

[00:18:27] have an update yet but it's from dramatic currency 289 that says ami the arsel for saying you should

[00:18:33] have thought about that before you procreated my ex and i have a 13 year old daughter Nicole

[00:18:41] Nicole has several medical conditions that require a lot of attention she will need some sort of

[00:18:46] in-home assistance for the rest of her life while we haven't aid to help a couple of days a week

[00:18:51] this is still a challenge the outcome of Nicole's condition became clear when she was two at that

[00:18:57] point my ex and i agreed we wouldn't have more kids because it wouldn't be fair to anyone

[00:19:01] there'd be no way we could focus attention on two kids someone would lose in this situation

[00:19:07] we divorced when Nicole was five we originally had 50-50 custody three years later my ex remarried

[00:19:15] his new wife cali is nice my ex did say that she didn't understand the severity of Nicole's condition

[00:19:21] i figured there was a learning curve eventually cali basically said she wanted to be hands off

[00:19:27] which i respected though i wondered how it'll work considering the cold lives with them half

[00:19:31] the time last year my ex and cali had a baby i was a little surprised give my ex was always firm

[00:19:38] on not having more kids but figured it wasn't any of my business he did begin to complain that it

[00:19:44] was a lot of work juggling Nicole and the baby i sympathized but really didn't know what else to say

[00:19:50] recently the venting got worse he said cali yelled at him but taken the cold to her physical therapy

[00:19:57] appointment instead of helping over the baby he brought up potentially having Nicole stay with me more

[00:20:02] i wasn't entirely shocked but it pissed me off i said Nicole was his daughter he can't just abandon

[00:20:09] that responsibility he asked what he was supposed to do about the baby i said maybe you should have

[00:20:14] thought of that before you procreated i mean really we discussed this 10 years ago that's the

[00:20:19] why it'd be hard to juggle two kids why did you think having another would be a good idea

[00:20:24] he got quiet and said cali wanted a baby i said that isn't enough of a reason and maybe

[00:20:30] should have thought harder before bringing more life into this world the conversation ended with me

[00:20:34] saying i'd call my lawyer and we could arrange for him to have less custody as i'd rather my daughter

[00:20:39] be properly cared for than be viewed as a burden cali called me that night very upset that i had made

[00:20:45] in my ex cry and i said her baby shouldn't exist i said that's not what i said completely

[00:20:51] more that they didn't think it through she called me a jerk from i the arsehole and the first

[00:20:58] commenter said i assume cali had this dream of Nicole magically disappearing over to your place so

[00:21:03] she and ex can have their happy new trio were absolutely correct to hold him accountable especially

[00:21:09] if Nicole has the mental capacity to be aware she's being shut out not the arsehole

[00:21:15] Luna or clip says not the arsehole it's the truth and honestly cali is the one in the wrong

[00:21:20] if Nicole is with them and needs to be somewhere then the father i'd better take her and cali can

[00:21:25] deal with a baby an efficient wheel says not the arsehole i go to the lawyer who originally handled

[00:21:31] the divorce if you had one and basically tell them what's going on say you want an increase in

[00:21:36] child support if you're getting it for your ex being more hands off or your ex continues given

[00:21:40] the same amount of care once it gets before a judge tell them the same thing you told us and the

[00:21:46] lawyer that it's non-negotiable more money or your ex's involvement remains the same up to your ex

[00:21:52] and the judge and whilst i do agree with that comment that the increasing child support my only

[00:21:58] real worry is is that you know if that was to happen that he's going to take Nicole but not give

[00:22:04] the care she needs the love that she deserves because that wouldn't be right either Nicole deserves

[00:22:10] to be in a place that she is loved and wanted not a place where she's just being cast aside but

[00:22:17] not the arsehole for giving him the truth basically but now i'm going to turn this one to you guys

[00:22:23] what do you guys make of this situation let me know your thoughts down in the comments below

[00:22:29] and just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories

[00:22:33] your love your support your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for

[00:22:38] being involved and hopefully i'll see you in the next one take care much love

[00:23:03] and

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