My Ex Gave Me An ULTIMATUM Over His Step-Daughter Which Exploded His Life r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Audible präsentiert dein nächstes Fantasy-Highlight. Er brach mir Ländereien für meinen künftigen Ehemann zu und warf mir den Titel der Prinzessin von Britannien über wie einen verfluchten Mantel. Macht, Identität und der Kampf gegen Unterdrückung. Ihr solltet jetzt niederknien, Morgana. Ich tat nichts dergleichen. Die Geschichte einer unangepassten Frau, die sich in einer patriarchalen Gesellschaft behaupten muss. Höre jetzt das Audible Original Hörbuch. Morgen ist mein Name. Jetzt nur bei Audible.

[00:00:36] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider it in our like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. And just a quick warning that before we do get into this story that it does contain domestic violence within the story. So if you do want to skip it, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below.

[00:01:04] Thank you. Now, today's first story comes from Throwaway Icicle. And it says, I'm I the arsehole here for kicking my ex out of his daughter's birthday trip after he kept insisting on bringing his stepdaughter. Longtime lurker here. I've never thought I'd have to post a Reddit post, but my family is divided and I needed to know whether or not I'm being unreasonable. Throwaway for privacy reasons.

[00:01:30] For the last few months, I, 32 female, have been planning my daughter's, Rose, fake name, 13th birthday. For her birthday, I've been planning a week-long trip to Greece. Rose has been obsessed with Greece for the longest time and has been begging to go there forever. And now I have finally saved up enough to give her a special birthday. The problem, however, is with my ex, Alex.

[00:01:55] Ever since I started planning the trip, he has been pushing for me to invite his stepdaughter, Mary. For some context, Alex and I broke up a few days after Rose was born due to cheating during the pregnancy. We lost touch for a year or two before he came back asking to be in Rose's life. I agreed to co-parent with him and things were going well, all things considered. That is until he got married to his new wife, Sarah, who already had Mary from a previous relationship.

[00:02:25] Sarah and I get on really well and so do Mary and Rose. The issue is not with his new family, but with Alex. Ever since he got married to Sarah, all his attention has gone to Mary. At first I understood he needed to get her comfortable with him being a new dad. It has reached the point where he barely even puts in any effort with Rose. He has missed several of her important competitions and events, as well as her birthday. Just because he had to take Mary to the dentist.

[00:02:54] Or Mary needed someone to pick her up from school. Or he wanted to take Mary to the movies. All are excuses he has actually used when I confronted him about his absence in his daughter's life. I should clarify that I have no issues with Mary. I love the kid, but my issue with Alex acting like she is his only daughter. I have talked to him about this several times, and he always uses the excuse that Mary needs a dad too.

[00:03:19] Before telling me to stop acting selfish and to appreciate he was in Rose's life at all. While planning for the birthday, I didn't invite Mary and Sarah deliberately so we could spend time with Rose on the trip. I did ask them beforehand if they were okay with it. Mary doesn't like traveling anyway, so they both agreed to not come. Alex, on the other hand, has been refusing to accept this and kept pushing for me to invite her anyway. Saying it will be good for the girls to hang out.

[00:03:48] I've been refusing to budge and it all came to a head last week when I asked Alex to confirm the dates. And he said he wasn't coming unless I invited Mary. I obviously said no, but he didn't back down. I finally had enough and told him that if he wouldn't come unless Mary came, then he shouldn't bother coming at all. He tried to argue, but I haven't spoken to him since then. He's been blowing up my phone, but I honestly don't have the energy to deal with him.

[00:04:13] Some of my friends have been calling me asking why I uninvited him and saying I was acting like a bitch. My mum agrees he was being unreasonable, but also said I was being cruel by kicking him from the trip entirely. My sister, however, agrees that he shouldn't come at all. I was very sure of my decision before, but now I'm starting to think I overreacted. I don't want Rose to think he doesn't care enough to come at all. But if I agree, he will spend the entire trip with Mary. I know he will because he has done it before.

[00:04:43] And I don't think that this is much better for Rose. Everyone is divided and I need to be sure whether or not I'm overreacting. Am I being the jerk here? Edit. I was not expecting so many comments. I didn't expect this to get as much traction as it did and I'm having some trouble answering them all. And I won't be online for long. So I hope this answers your questions. The first I'm seeing is that my ex is Mary's dad. That wouldn't be possible. I have met her father. She looks a lot like him too.

[00:05:13] Does my ex have bad intentions with Mary? I don't think so. I could be wrong, but I think he thinks more of her like a daughter he's always wanted. They also share many interests. Are Mary and Sarah okay with all of this? No. They've been trying to convince him to let it go, but my ex is very stubborn. I also asked them not to be involved so the drama would die down on its own. Is this what Rose wants? She really wanted her father to come.

[00:05:40] She loves the man a lot, but I will ask her since it's her trip and her choice. Would she want Mary to come? Yes. Rose looks up to Mary and the two get along. Even without my or Sarah's involvement, they are naturally friends. If you have any other questions, I will try and find time to answer them. For now, thank you for all the support as well as the valuable advice and insights. I feel much less stressed about this. I'll have a chat with Rose and update you all when I can.

[00:06:08] Absolutely not the arsehole for prioritizing your daughter in this situation. Notice how Alex didn't want Mary included. He refused to come to spend time with his own daughter unless his stepdaughter was there. And from the sounds of the post, this isn't new. He's missed Rose's birthdays and other important events for other trivial things. OP isn't being cruel for enforcing boundaries. She's protecting Rose from having to watch her father ignore her on her own birthday trip,

[00:06:37] which I think will be far more damaging than him not coming at all. But the first commenter says to OP, Are you paying for him and is he expecting you to pay for Mary too? Not that it matters, but I just wonder if he will try to show up with her. To be honest, he sounds like a real douche that would do something like that. If you now don't have to pay for him, why not invite your mum? Having two generations of strong women who won't put up with an arsehole might be a great vacation for your daughter. OP says,

[00:07:12] Someone asked why OP's ex or Rose's father is going on the trip. OP says, The commenter says, I 100% agree with you. This trip is about his daughter, not his stepdaughter. Ignore everyone else. He's made you and Rose very aware of where she stands.

[00:07:41] I'd send him a message, then block him to be honest. Say, please stop getting other people involved. This trip is for your daughter and the fact that you are yet again putting someone else above her is crazy. You're extremely selfish and she'll remember this for years to come. Now she is 13. We'll leave it up to Rose whether she wants any contact with you going forward. OP says, I might actually use this because I didn't have the energy to articulate myself and even bother arguing with him. Thank you. Another commenter says,

[00:08:11] Why are you making such an effort for him? I've seen your comments on things you do to enable your child to have a relationship with him. All kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve children. He's a deadbeat. If he wanted to, he would, but he didn't. He's a terrible father. And you definitely didn't overreact. Lose the man in the trash and friends who agree with him as well. Not the asshole. OP says, I guess I just really wanted my daughter to have a chance to know her father.

[00:08:38] I'm starting to see now that it may have been a mistake thinking that he was going to be the father she needed. Someone suggests OP should let the daughter Rose decide on what she wants. OP says she wants her father there because he'd missed her last few birthdays. I just don't want her to go through a birthday feeling second to Mary. Especially when they have a good relationship. But I think either way, she wouldn't be too upset. Mostly because she's more glad to be going to her favorite place. But I will have a conversation with her and let her decide.

[00:09:09] So, a month after that post, OP comes in with an update and says, Hello again Reddit. I wasn't planning on updating, but since we're heading to Greece tomorrow, Rose asked me to share an update for those who were interested. Here it is. Hope those curious about how things turned out are able to see this. Here is some context for anyone who needs it and then shared the original. A lot has happened since my last post, so I'll try my best to explain everything clearly. This might be long, so I'll start with a summary for anyone who doesn't want to read the full story.

[00:09:39] Sarah found out about Alex's cheating in our previous relationship. And it says after her hit her, maybe he hit her, they're getting a divorce. Alex's insistence on bringing Mary to Greece was so he could one-up Sarah's ex-husband. Now, for those who want the full details. After my last post, I called Rose's therapist for advice on how to approach the situation.

[00:10:08] Following his advice, I sat down with Rose, explained everything, and even showed her the post. I reassured her repeatedly that none of this was her fault and apologized for making decisions without coming to her first. I told her to take her time processing everything and let her know I was ready to listen whenever she was. I'm glad I did so, because a few days later, Rose came to me with her thoughts. Giving her time to reflect really helped her articulate herself and think everything through.

[00:10:36] She decided not to invite her dad on the trip, but was against cutting him off completely. While I initially disagreed, I respected her decision and didn't push the matter. We discussed a lot of other things, but I preferred to keep those private. I also suggested family therapy, which she agreed to, and I've booked sessions for next year. She'll be going to individual therapy and so will I. I hope that it will help us communicate better and also help me with making better decisions in the future as a mum.

[00:11:04] By the end of our talk, we shared a much-needed cry, which I admit I initiated. Hugs and then watched Mamma Mia. Side note, to the commenter who suggested the movie. Thank you. Rose and I loved it so much. We watched the sequel the same day. It was the perfect choice to get us excited for the trip. We're thinking of watching it again by the end of the trip as well. Now, on to the drama. I reached out to Sarah and invited her over to talk about Alex.

[00:11:31] I showed her the post, including the comments concerned about Alex's relationship with Mary. While I didn't share those concerns, I wanted Sarah to decide for herself. As she read the post, she got to the part where I mentioned Alex is cheating. She was confused and asked what I meant. I explained how during my pregnancy, I discovered texts and pictures from other women on Alex's phone. When confronted, he admitted to cheating because he wasn't ready to be a dad.

[00:11:57] That was why we broke up and he disappeared for a while before returning to be a part of Rose's life. Sarah was furious. According to her, Alex had told her I cheated on him. And that's why he wasn't involved in Rose's early years. According to him, it was because he wasn't sure if she was his. Hearing this, I was livid. I've never been with anyone other than my ex, romantically or otherwise. Between raising Rose and building a career, I never had the time.

[00:12:27] Alex's lie didn't even serve a purpose since Sarah and I had always gotten along. After our conversation, Sarah assured me she was going to talk to Mary and confront Alex. A few days later, she called me while crying, asking if Mary could stay with me for a while. I checked with Rose and she was fine with it. So I agreed. From what Sarah told me, she confronted Alex about the real reason we broke up. During their argument, Alex was furious, possibly drunk, it is unclear, and hit her.

[00:12:56] Sarah had a visible bruise on her face when I arrived. I was and still am shocked by this. Alex had never been violent during our relationship and never even showed any signs of being violent. I'm still having trouble believing it's true, which I feel really bad about considering how he left Sarah. A huge chunk of her face is swollen and bruised really badly. He didn't just hit her. He punched her really hard that she said she thought he knocked her out.

[00:13:23] Sarah doesn't have family nearby, and Mary's father is away due to his job as a pilot. So Mary has been staying with us while Sarah handles the situation. After hearing about what happened, Rose invited both Mary and Sarah on the trip. Which is incredibly kind of her. My sister cancelled anyway since she couldn't secure a sitter and didn't want to travel with the baby yet until she is older. So it'll be me, Rose, Sarah, Mary and my mum.

[00:13:49] It was the same amount of people who were coming originally, so I didn't have to make new accommodations for them. As far as I know, Sarah hasn't made a report or anything yet, so Alex hasn't been arrested. As for why Alex wanted Mary to join the trip, his mum unintentionally told me everything. About a week ago, she called asking to see Rose before we left for the trip. I wasn't really keen on the idea, but I agreed as long as Alex wasn't there.

[00:14:16] During our visit, she rambled on about how Sarah's family made Alex feel underappreciated. How Mary didn't call him dad, and how Sarah's ex-husband was always showing him up. Basically going on a rant about her poor son, who everyone is against these days. You heard that right, folks. This idiot was doing all this, not because he cared about either of the girls, but he wanted to be better than Sarah's ex. I'm honestly still freaking pissed when writing this.

[00:14:43] He ruined his relationship with our daughter, and used Mary to make himself look better than Mary's dad. I don't want to believe that that is the case, and that I'm misunderstanding, but it is something Alex can and has done before. I even talked to Sarah about it, and she agreed that this might be the case. Although it is just speculation based on what his mum has told me. It is the most likely case since Mary has denied him being inappropriate with her.

[00:15:08] I've cut off Alex, his mum, and told Rose we can revisit seeing him only after I have legal custody agreement and child support. Both can take a long time, which I'm grateful for. I'm hoping it will give Rose some time to think more about her relationship with her dad. Sarah has filed for divorce, which I'm helping with. She and Mary have been through a lot. Thinking about how this whole thing started, it feels so silly. It's been a mess. But that's the update.

[00:15:35] Thank you to everyone who supported me and advised me. Your insights were greatly appreciated. We're looking forward to our trip, and I'll be focused on giving Rose the special birthday she deserves. Top commenter on this one says, I never liked Alex since the first post, and now can't stand him even more. He's a horrible person, and I hope he loses everything. I'm glad you and everyone else are doing well, all things considered. Have a wonderful trip. The next commenter says,

[00:16:04] I'm glad you're there for Sarah and Mary. You're a good person. Another commenter says, Definitely not the arsehole. It's your daughter's birthday trip, not a family vacation. Plus, it's important for your daughter to have a special one-on-one time with her father without any distractions from step-siblings. Good on you for standing your ground. Gee, bloody whiz. But now, I'm gonna turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below,

[00:16:34] and let's move on to another story. And our next story is one from the entitled people subreddit from the Iron Mountie, who says, I know I'm not family anymore, but give me the details for your destination wedding. Welcome to my family drama. So, I'm getting married in April and having a destination wedding in Cyprus. Because we have family all over the world, and some have jobs where they need to close dates like a year in advance,

[00:17:00] we sent out the save of the dates as soon as we closed the venue, back in May. One of those people I sent a save the date to is my stepbrother's wife. Then, they started divorce proceedings in the summer. I've never liked her. She's quite a nasty person, and she only ever speaks to me when she needs something. When I sent out the actual invites, I sent them with the names of all the invitees. So, I sent my stepbrother an invite with his name, his stepdaughter, her daughter from a previous marriage, who I see as a niece, and their child together.

[00:17:31] Her name was not on the invite. I knew this meant that it was very likely her children could not come, since they would have to leave the country and she could prevent that, which I completely understand and is totally in her right. I understood that when I sent the invite. My stepbrother told me straight away that he and the kids would likely not be able to make it, but he'd let me know if things changed by the time he needed the RSVP. So, that was two months ago.

[00:17:58] Haven't spoken to his wife since long before the divorce proceedings started. Today, she texts me, translated, Hi OP, When's the wedding and what hotel are you staying at? Send me so I can check the options to come. I'm thinking to myself, Girl, you aren't family and this is a small destination wedding. What are you thinking? So, I called my dad and stepmom to consult how to respond to her. Apparently, my stepmom asked if she could take her son, since my stepbrother can't go,

[00:18:27] and she wanted him to come to the wedding and see my nibblings from North America. So, step-sister-in-law started declaring plans already from that request, thinking it entitled her to an invite. I told my stepmom, I can understand her wanting to come if her ex-husband is coming with the kids, but what right does she think she has to come without my actual brother? Stepmom and dad agreed she's delusional and helped me verbalize a response to her. So, I sent her, Hi, step-sister-in-law.

[00:18:56] I sent the invite with all the details to stepbrother. You can arrange with him. I figured, okay, she'll understand that the initial invite was to her as my brother's wife, as it only applies to them as a unit. But no. She replied, OP, I don't know if you know we aren't together in divorce proceedings. My save the date, she actually said invite, but she never got an invite, just save the date, was deleted, hence I request the details from you. So, this woman,

[00:19:25] who I have a near-zero relationship with, who is no longer even speaking to my brother, thinks that she's still invited to my wedding. I spoke with my stepmom again, and she's always been the only one who could match her crazy. She apologized for opening this can of worms, and told me she would speak to her and explain the situation. I just can't imagine what la-la land she's living in, that she thinks she isn't even speaking to my brother, and he can't even come to my wedding, that she can. The top commenter said on this one, wow,

[00:19:54] I'm glad your stepbrother isn't with her anymore. I'd love an update once you get a reply from her. OP says, this isn't even the worst of her. She's just a bit of a sociopath. I mean that in a clinical sense. She lacks empathy and the ability to see beyond herself. She has a habit of abandoning her kids with my parents because they live nearby, and she just can't be bothered with them, and finds taking care of them a nuisance. Her daughter is old enough that some days after school, she just comes to my parents to avoid being near her. Next commenter says,

[00:20:24] I don't understand why you can't say, Delulu, this is a small wedding for family only. You're invited because you were my brother's wife. Since you and he are divorced, you aren't part of our family anymore. If Charlie were coming with the kids, I could sort of see inviting you as their mother. If for no other reason than to help manage them. But since he isn't coming, there's no reason why you'd be included. OP says, because if I'm blunt with her, and she gets offended, she can threaten my relationship with her children. If they weren't in the picture,

[00:20:53] I wouldn't even be entertaining this. Now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What would you make of that situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.