My Ex Broke Up With Me "As I'm Not Man Enough" & Family Keeps Inviting Her r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider it a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:17] Now today's first story comes from Awkward Sweet TA and it says, My family loves my ex and keeps inviting her to get-togethers. My ex and I dated for five years. My family adored her and it was assumed that we would be getting married soon. About a year ago, she broke up with me out of nowhere saying I was not enough of a man for her. Brutal, I know. After months of therapy, I started dating somebody new.

[00:00:43] Now during my therapy months, my family had already invited her to certain events. My family asked me if she could still come and because I still wanted her back, I said yes. As soon as I started to date someone new and my ex had attended a last invited event, I thought that was the end of it. Today I found out my family invited my ex to Thanksgiving and Christmas. I thought it was a joke, but no, they love having her around. I put a stern warning that if she was invited, I would not be attending.

[00:01:13] I restated what my therapist told me saying that this was unhealthy for me and was violating my boundaries. My family does not care. They love her. She doesn't have much family and they want her included. My current girlfriend is obviously furious too. Every family member including my mom and grandmother are saying I need to treat her as if she were a friend and grow up. I don't know what to do. Any advice?

[00:01:39] Edith, thanks to all of you for the advice. I'm gonna man up and tell them me and my girlfriend won't be attending. My family and her have already said it would be a cowardly thing to do to hide from my ex, but I didn't give a fuck. These comments reassured me this is not okay. I'm gonna take my girlfriend somewhere nice and spend Thanksgiving with her. I might even try to organize buying plane tickets and seeing a family for Christmas. I'll keep you guys updated if anything comes from this.

[00:02:28] I'll keep you guys up and see you next time with your girlfriend instead and good for you for doing so. Your family needs to understand that actions have consequences and if they choose to prioritize your ex over you, they don't get to have you at the holidays. Period.

[00:02:39] Opie added some additional comments. The first one said they are very aware. They still think it's my fault. She'd been going through a hard time and I didn't take the initiative in helping her with certain things. She needed help with some stuff around her apartment. I'm not really a handy man so I didn't offer. She never asked and she built up resentment towards me for months. That among other things like gifts not being thoughtful enough and feeling like I didn't prioritize her enough led to the breakup. My family supports her and felt I needed to step up as a man.

[00:03:09] I've already asked her to stop and she doesn't seem interested in turning down the invitations. She doesn't have a good relationship with her family so it's nice for her to be included. She thinks I'm being selfish. Another commenter says she has a very broken family dynamic. Another one says she has no interest. I've already talked to her. My family is all she really has. She says I'm being selfish asking her not to come. Another one says unfortunately she's used my threat of not attending as more proof I am not a man.

[00:03:38] Her and my family have said a real man would suck it up. Another one from OP says I'll give you a specific example that she started during the breakup. Her sink had broken and was leaking pretty badly. Like enough to fill up a bucket every 10 minutes. The landlord wasn't going to be available for a few days so she called me and asked me to come fix it. I'm very bad at handyman stuff. My first instinct was to offer to pay for someone to look at it. She said a real man would at least have tried instead of paying someone.

[00:04:07] It wasn't just handyman stuff though. We had an incident at a bar where an old drunk guy was flirting with her. I am very non-confrontational so I offered to go to a different bar or to tell the bouncers. She wanted me to confront him and felt I couldn't protect her. Little things like this added up in her head. OP also adds her and my family feel like I'm not enough of a handyman. My family is mostly union and construction. I work in tech. My ex expected me to take initiative on her apartment issues and I'm just not that guy.

[00:04:36] I'm also not very confrontational so she felt I couldn't keep her safe. Those are just two examples. I no longer have feelings for her. Through my therapy sessions I learned we are just not compatible. She wanted me to be someone that I am not. She gaslit me into thinking how I am as a person was wrong and I needed to fit her ideal version of a man. It just wasn't a healthy relationship and I should have ended it earlier. The reason I don't want her there is because it is disrespectful to my new girlfriend.

[00:05:04] I know my family would prefer me to get back with my ex but that's not what I want. They should respect that we are no longer together and stop inviting her. Another comment from OP says, For one, it continues to validate my family's notion that I was wrong in the relationship. That I needed to be more of a man and that the breakup was my fault. The other is I don't want her to be around. I no longer love her and I feel how she treated me was toxic in retrospect.

[00:05:31] My current girlfriend also does not want to interact with her for obvious reasons. Finally, they are actively choosing to prioritize their wishes over mine. I am family. They should have my back. And one more comment from OP that says, This seems to be the sentiment. It just sucks being alone for Thanksgiving. Did it just be me and my girlfriend since her family is long distance? So OP comes in with a first update and says, Hey everyone, I appreciate all the advice and kind words I got in my last post. However, I don't have a good update to be honest.

[00:06:01] Basically, I sent a mass text message to all my family exactly how I felt. That my ex should be at Thanksgiving or Christmas and it was incredibly disrespectful. I told them they needed to choose between me and her. How under no circumstances would I compromise this simple request. That they were choosing my ex-girlfriend over their own son and it was not okay. I also told my ex in a separate text that she was not welcome and I did not care if my family invited her. My cousin messaged me on the side, agreeing with me which was nice.

[00:06:29] However, the rest of the family did not see it that way. Family members responded how selfish I was. How I knew she had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving and that she'd become part of the family. I tried to hold my ground by stating how not normal this was to invite someone's ex to Thanksgiving. But they just doubled down that she'd become too close to exclude her. My dad specifically said I needed to stop being so immature, making ultimatums like a child. That message got a lot of iMessage likes in the group chat.

[00:06:59] My ex told me I was being a fucking baby about the whole thing. That this was exactly the reason she broke up with me. That I could not handle even the possibility of confrontation and I was going to run away with my new girlfriend. I explained how not normal this dynamic was and I told her to go back to her family and stop trying to steal mine. She just sent back it's not her fault my family loves her and stopped answering. I kept battling with my family over the weekend but no one was budging.

[00:07:25] My mom had called me explaining how my ex was like a daughter to her and my actions were breaking her heart. I asked her if she had any sympathy for me considering my ex broke up with me saying I wasn't man enough for her. My mom just said how my actions were proving her right and that kind of broke me. These fights were clearly going nowhere so I put my money where my mouth is. I decided to book a short trip with my girlfriend and take her to a really nice restaurant. I let her know and initially she said she would like a nice getaway.

[00:07:55] However yesterday she asked me to come over and talk. She said that this whole situation with my family was making her extremely uncomfortable. That she felt like she was in the middle of this battle between me, my family and my ex. She said I was really sweet but she couldn't be in a relationship with someone with this much family drama. I begged and pleaded with her but she said she put in a lot of thought into this and asked me to respect her decision. I'm fucking pathetic. I can't even set boundaries with my own family.

[00:08:22] I'm going to take the trip by myself and think something's over. I'm not looking for additional advice, somewhere to spend Thanksgiving or even words of encouragement. I just want to be left alone. Thanks for the advice but I clearly need to work on myself. I think two things are clear. One, my family doesn't like me very much. Two, I can be easily pushed around by people. OP added a comment saying I've doubled up on my therapy appointment so I'll be okay. It seems like I'll be saving money on Christmas gifts so I can afford the extra therapy.

[00:08:52] And OP added another update and said hi everyone. I'm not sure what happened but my update post got taken down. Not sure where to post this so I'll post it here. The TLDR of that post was my current girlfriend broke up with me saying the situation was too uncomfortable. I also planned on taking a trip by myself to get some space. Since that update a few things have happened. My family blew up my phone when I didn't show up for Thanksgiving. A lot of mean things were said. Selfish, arsehole and pussy were the worst of it.

[00:09:21] My mum said she was disappointed which hurt the worst. She said to not expect an invite to Christmas because of the stunt I pulled. This has made me realize how terrible my family really is. The trip was depressing. I tried to explore, eat at fancy restaurants and play games in my hotel but it was just so lonely. I cut my trip short and tried to see some friends over the weekend. Everyone's busy with holiday stuff so it's not going well. I've gotten hundreds of messages, most encouraging, some mean.

[00:09:51] I've chosen not to reply to anyone. I'm sorry, I just can't. My mental health is deteriorating and just writing this is exhausting enough. I just know a lot of people are worried and asking if I'm okay. Let's put it this way. I'll survive. If you've cared enough to search out this update, I appreciate you. I don't think I'm going to provide any more updates. It seems like I'm going no contact with my family and that's pretty much the end of it. As far as my ex, I haven't heard from her. I know she went to Thanksgiving and is still going to Christmas.

[00:10:20] It seems like my family traded their son for a daughter. I'll keep pushing forward. I think I'm not going to date for a very long time. I'm just going to focus on my career and my mental health. Hope everyone has a good holiday season. Remember to cherish the family you have. Peace. So a couple of the comments from OP said again, I don't blame her. I feel like most people would have done the same in her situation. New relationship with a guy whose family supports his ex over him is weird. Not only red flags, but is extremely uncomfortable. I wish her the best.

[00:10:51] And also says I'm on SSRI. That helps with anxiety, but doubles as depression medicine. I think I'll be okay, but I appreciate your concern. That's so incredibly sad for OP. He deserves so much better from his family. And that they think their behavior towards him is acceptable in any way and that he had still come running back for these events. It's going to be interesting one day when the girlfriend finds another partner and she slowly moves away from this family dynamic. And they're going to sit back and think, fuck, what have we done?

[00:11:21] Or, you know, they might not if they're that much of arseholes, right? But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now, our next story comes from a throwaway account. And it says,

[00:13:42] My fiance said he feels better now after getting it off his chest. He says he understands I need time to think about this situation. But he also says he does not want to wait forever for me to decide whether I want to continue this relationship or not. He wanted me to meet his daughter today, but I said it was too soon for me. Now he has bought some diapers and other stuff for when she comes over. He asked me if I'd be ready tomorrow. We have not yet bought much for the nursery for our baby,

[00:14:08] but now he suddenly wants to hurry up and buy a bed for the nursery so that his daughter could stay the night before our baby is born. I feel overwhelmed trying to process all this information and also sad that the nursery I've been planning for our baby will not just be for our baby. This is not how I imagined having my first child. What are your thoughts on this? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How to process all of this and how to move forward? Messy situation.

[00:14:38] And for me, and the scary part wasn't just that he had a child, you know, that's shocking in itself. Don't get me wrong, but it's the pattern of deception he's created. He didn't just hide his daughter's existence. He created a daily lie about, you know, going to the gym, making a business trip for a birth. And he's still currently lying to his daughter's mother about being engaged and expecting another baby. And then after all this, he's trying to rush you into meeting his daughter

[00:15:05] before you even had time to process everything that's happened here. In some ways, he's twisted it all back on you. Like, oh, I don't want to wait forever. When he's the one who's been lying for a year, not you. It's just one huge nope for me. But the first commenter said, All red flags. In quotes, I'm that great. And then says, bro, get over yourself. I think you need to find a way to reach out to his ex to confirm his story. It's all pretty convenient that you can't reach out to her and that he was already broken up when you guys met, but she was still pregnant.

[00:15:36] It's also convenient that he got the courage to tell you this after you couldn't get an abortion anymore. He sounds like he's baby trapping you. I'm not sure. So please, please, please reach out to the ex. There is definitely more to the story. Another commenter says he wants you to be a babysitter for his kid when he's 100% still sleeping with his ex. Tell him his kid can come to your house after you meet the mama in person. Watch how quickly he tries to squirm out of that. You need to find and talk to this woman. He's lying to both of you.

[00:16:05] Opie responded saying, I told him I want to contact her ex either by writing to her or face to face. He told me he will tell her tomorrow that I would like to meet face to face. Also, I found her Instagram and he saw that. He got upset and told me I should not write to her on there, even though I was not planning on doing it right away. I told him that if she does not agree to meet in person, I'm going to contact her on Instagram. He said I'm being a bully because she has said she does not want to talk to me.

[00:16:32] He said I'm treating him badly by threatening to contact her. That is not my place to tell her things. He also said she is mentally unstable and has threatened to commit suicide in the past. He said he is afraid of how it will affect her when I contact her. That she might want to harm herself or that she might start to keep his daughter from him. So Opie did come in with their update and it said, Firstly, I want to thank everyone who responded to my original post. There were so many comments. I tried to read through all of them.

[00:17:01] Many of you recommended that I find a way to contact the mother of his child, as she had blocked me on Facebook. I could not message her there. I did message her on Instagram, but she did not respond. I do not know if she even saw my message request. I told my fiancé that it was necessary for me to talk to her, either on the phone or in person. He told me she did not want to talk to me. But as I insisted on it, he convinced her. When he was visiting her and his daughter,

[00:17:29] he called me and let me talk to her on the speakerphone. She confirmed that she had blocked me because she has blocked all of his girlfriends because she does not want any communication. She told me they have not been together since the third month of her pregnancy. But there were some false hopes involved. She says she has now found out we're engaged and I am pregnant. Before that, she just blocked me because she saw me calling him once. She has told me she has always said she does not want to know anything about his personal life

[00:17:56] and that is why he has hidden that he lives with me and everything else about us. I asked her if she would be willing to unblock me on Facebook so that we could talk some more. She says she does not want to intervene. From now on, he has been very open about when she calls or messages him. They have only talked about their child. He agreed to share his location with me all the time, suggesting going to couples counseling and has been extra attentive towards me these past days. He has apologized to me countless times

[00:18:23] and has asked me what he can do to rebuild the trust between us. I do not know if there is a way to get trust back. It seems to me that he was not having an affair, but hiding his child from me and hiding me from the mother of his child is still a huge lie. I cannot believe he would do something like this. The top commenter on this one said, uh, are you going to be the new ex he has a secret child with? Will he start going to the gym for six hours while he stays with a new woman to impregnate? There were some false hopes involved.

[00:18:53] And then says, the fuck? Another commenter says you don't really know if that was actually his child's mother on the phone. Too much lying over too long a period of time. And all of a sudden he wants you to start believing him. Now he's offering his location in his phone. He's just gotten better at hiding it. He has you where he wants you. Pregnant and dependent on him. Don't delude yourself. And I gotta say, I totally agree with that comment. It was, it's very easy to say how everything about this,

[00:19:23] air quotes, open conversation was still completely controlled by him. He arranged it. He was present for it. And it was on speakerphone during his visit. And somehow both women were still isolated from each other. And his ex conveniently not wanting any contact at all. The level of deception he's shown doesn't get a quick fix with a few apologies and some couples counseling. And of course the love bombing that he's showing already. And like the comment said, it just sounds like he's getting better at it as well.

[00:19:53] But what do you guys make of this situation? What do you think's going on? Maybe you've got a different opinion on the matter. Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.