My Daughters "Influencing" Is Out Of Control So I'm Holding An Intervention r/Relationships

[00:00:00] .

[00:00:24] Hey waffle gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out

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[00:00:44] those things really do make. So thank you so, so much. And let's crack on with today's

[00:00:49] first story. Now today's first story comes from the Am I The Arsehole Here subreddit

[00:00:54] from Muld Marmite who says, am I the arsehole here for staging an intervention and calling

[00:01:01] my daughter delusional over a name? I, 50 male, have a daughter, 26 female. She is currently

[00:01:10] a TikTok influencer and pregnant with a boy. She's obsessed with this influencing thing,

[00:01:16] everything being about the numbers. Her husband has been evicted to the attic because he

[00:01:21] ruins her aesthetic, as for the videos. He isn't allowed to bring his items or clothes

[00:01:27] outside of it and whenever he as much forgets a cup on the table she will scream. My wife

[00:01:32] and I try to guide her into therapy and have been paying for the appointments but

[00:01:37] we do not know if she has actually been going. And now she is pregnant which means

[00:01:43] it isn't just her and my son in laws problem. It is also a problem for my grandson. She wants

[00:01:49] no toys in the house for similar reasons and has banned us from buying any. She doesn't

[00:01:54] want colourful baby clothes because the baby will stand out on her videos too much.

[00:01:59] And then there is the name. Okay, I may absolutely butcher this so bear with me

[00:02:06] and for the podcast I'll spell it out in a second. It says Robin Marve Linter which is spelt

[00:02:12] R-A-W-B-H-Y-N-N-E then Marve, M-A-R-V-E-I-G-H then Linter, L-Y-N-T-E-R.

[00:02:23] While I appreciate that two middle names are comprised of the names of both sets of

[00:02:28] grandparents, Marvin and Lay and Lynn and Peter, the amalgams are awful and Robin

[00:02:35] is her spelling of Robin as in R-O-B-I-N because she doesn't want her son to be a sidekick,

[00:02:42] whatever that means. She doesn't care that he will get bullied, that his name will be

[00:02:47] mispronounced and a nightmare on any official capacity, that he will grow to be an adult

[00:02:53] with a name instead of staying as a baby. It was the last straw. So I staged an intervention.

[00:03:01] After regular talking didn't work I contacted everyone we both know and even posted on reddit

[00:03:06] to try and convince her that it's a fucking horrible idea and that she needs to think more

[00:03:11] than what will look nice for her TikToks or get her more views. She will have a child

[00:03:16] and that child's needs and wellbeing should be a priority. Naming him a ridiculous word

[00:03:21] salad and depriving him of toys and joy is not an environment suitable for a child.

[00:03:26] She called me an asshole and I called her delusional in return. I really don't think

[00:03:31] I'm the asshole here but my wife's family seems to think I overreacted since it's just a name.

[00:03:38] But if she's willing to do all of this for stupid views on an app, what else is she going

[00:03:43] to do to this child for the sake of her influencing? Am I the asshole here?

[00:03:49] Edit. Her and her husband have separated twice in the past but always end up together again.

[00:03:55] They keep breaking up and rekindling over and over again. They had an impromptu marriage on

[00:04:00] Valentine's Day to kill their relationship as they now have a child on the way. The TikTok

[00:04:06] thing has been a frequent source of pain for them. I have to say that feels abusive to me.

[00:04:12] She screams at him if he leaves a cup on the table. He's been evicted to the attic

[00:04:17] because he ruins her aesthetic. And yeah, I think you have every right to be concerned about this

[00:04:22] because when a baby comes along things are going to change massively. And what will she do when

[00:04:28] the baby's crying and ruins one of her videos? When the baby throws up and it goes on the

[00:04:33] carpet or has an explosive poonami? If I was in your position I would certainly be concerned

[00:04:39] about everyone involved in it. The Purple Goat says, not the asshole, this lady is being

[00:04:44] borderline abusive to her husband. How abusive is she going to be to her child?

[00:04:49] Her husband probably can't afford a divorce anyway. Who the hell can afford two households

[00:04:53] these days? So I think staging the intervention is the right thing to do. Now nothing she is

[00:04:59] doing is illegal but it is definitely wrong. All over stupid TikTok. She needs to wake up

[00:05:05] and join the real world before she gets even worse. Hopi says he can afford a divorce but

[00:05:11] been together since secondary school and gets along well with our family. One of my sons was

[00:05:16] his best man and I think he might be afraid or hate him for divorcing her. I talked to him

[00:05:21] about it when he gets out of work. The Purple Goat says on the back of some of those comments

[00:05:25] and I'm not one for hopping on the divorce train right away mind you. Reddit is notorious

[00:05:30] for that but yeah this girl needs to get her feet back on the damn ground. It's not just

[00:05:34] her, now it's an innocent baby. And he doesn't deserve to be one of those social media

[00:05:39] kids. She's going to be putting pictures of him up there for who knows how many pervs to goo

[00:05:44] ga ga over and who knows what else. Arnoon says not the asshole this behaviour needs to

[00:05:50] be halted yesterday. What happened when the child makes a mess? What happened when they cry

[00:05:55] for toys and attention? Will she lock the child in a grey aesthetic soundproof room so they

[00:06:00] didn't mess up her videos? What happened when her traumatised child doesn't perform for

[00:06:05] she wants? This sounds like the origin story for a severely developmentally stunted kid locked in a

[00:06:10] room, deprived of parental affection. And a final comment from Kindly Celebration who says not

[00:06:16] the asshole but her husband needs to consult a lawyer and separate now. This isn't about

[00:06:21] their marriage, this is about protecting that child. He needs to get legal custody and a

[00:06:26] court order banning from her using the child in videos. There are a million stories coming

[00:06:31] out from kids who are now old enough to discuss the hell their childhood was due to their

[00:06:36] influence of parents exploiting them. Many earn their parents lots of money and have seen zero

[00:06:41] dollars. They do not have the protections child actors have. You may have to back up your son

[00:06:46] in law to make it legally binding your daughter doesn't have the opportunity to exploit this

[00:06:51] baby. Speaking of all these social media things, I saw a video yesterday apparently where

[00:06:58] a mum left the camera running accidentally and still posted the clip of her trying to get her

[00:07:02] child to cry over a pet they just lost. And you can see that the child was genuinely already

[00:07:09] hurting and the mum was just like oh no no you need to cry more and he's like and the child

[00:07:14] was like I am crying I'm genuinely sort of crying kind of thing. And it's just incredibly

[00:07:19] heartbreaking to watch. But OP came in with an update and says this is a bit anticlimactic.

[00:07:25] I had a family meeting after my daughter's husband got out of work and presented her the reddit

[00:07:30] threads as well as some stories that people shared in the comments. She was reading the

[00:07:34] comments for about an hour while they kept pouring in and it overwhelmed her. It didn't

[00:07:39] help that I kept responding to comments during this time which was stupid and inconsiderate

[00:07:44] of me. I did apologize to her but she doesn't have it in her to forgive me at this moment.

[00:07:50] At first she was very quiet before admitting that she needed help. She said that she was

[00:07:54] struggling with feeling fulfilled after her work was made remote back in the original lockdown

[00:07:59] and needed more things to do that separated work from home. It's where the influencing came

[00:08:04] in. The numbers going up gave her the same reward that work used to and she wanted to

[00:08:09] replicate it with a mummy blog as her other one stagnated. Her husband suggested that she

[00:08:14] picked up art again and offered to buy her art supplies. She agreed. Turns out that a lot of

[00:08:19] you were right and that the names were inspired by the Twilight. She wanted to honor the

[00:08:25] grandparents which was nice but couldn't think of any names that fit. She also wanted a bird

[00:08:30] name as the first name but didn't want a plain robin. One of my sons suggested the name

[00:08:36] Adler as well as Arnie, Arvid and Ari from my son-in-law's culture and she agreed to one of

[00:08:44] them. I'm not going to reveal the new middle names for freshly discovered privacy reasons

[00:08:49] but some of the comments in the tragedy side gave her good ideas which I believe is a

[00:08:54] subreddit about names that are purposely misspelled. My daughter seems so defeated now

[00:09:00] but says it is because she didn't realize how much the numbers on her social media was taking

[00:09:05] over. She agreed to delete the mummy blog at her husband's request and said she will limit

[00:09:09] her personal account to just the makeup and fashion content she used to do. Time will see

[00:09:15] how this goes. My sister-in-law is still apprehensive as he's had to have been on

[00:09:20] eggshells in the home and isn't happy about the TikTok at all with her past behaviour.

[00:09:24] He says he wants this to work which is why he married her despite everything but that if

[00:09:29] she doesn't actually go to therapy my wife and I paid for, he's going to look at options

[00:09:34] for leaving. He wants to say to one of the comments that he isn't a wet blanket but was

[00:09:39] just trying to keep his wife healthy for the sake of their unborn child. Some of the comments

[00:09:44] regarding how creeps use mummy blogs as material for their unsavory desires also was a wake up

[00:09:49] call for all of us and none of us will post photos or information relating to our family

[00:09:54] children online. Wife is taking her shopping for baby clothes sometime next week and she

[00:10:00] managed to convince her that toys are not clutter but necessary for kids. She reminded

[00:10:05] my daughter of her own favourite toys and how upset she was when one of them disappeared.

[00:10:10] So while I was an arsehole, it helped my daughter a little bit, but it helped a lot more

[00:10:15] and I would like to thank you for indulging me in this.

[00:10:20] When bathroom store ghost says to OP I think it'd be best to continue to talk about good

[00:10:24] childhood memories from you and your wife. Both about your daughters childhood and yours.

[00:10:30] When the baby comes do not offer to take the baby, instead bring home a cooked meal

[00:10:34] over occasionally or tell all three to go take a nap while you wash dishes or something.

[00:10:40] Anything to give them support without making them feel like you're barging in.

[00:10:43] I think everything will end up okay with this. OP says thank you, this is essentially what one

[00:10:48] of my son's friends suggested as well. We're going to do our best to support them and my

[00:10:53] son in laws family also offered to do the same. And OP says it was a bit anti-climatic

[00:10:59] and I'm not totally against that either. I'm sort of glad that things seem to be moving in

[00:11:06] the right direction. Of course, the first part of the post was super concerning,

[00:11:09] especially regarding the abuse, the future of the child, etc etc and the path she was going

[00:11:14] down. Social media can be super addicting and super damaging at the same time.

[00:11:21] Coming from the guy who spends hours reading reddit stories a day.

[00:11:24] I'm glad she's accepted this help because the alternative to this could have been devastating.

[00:11:32] I really hope that things do continue to move forward in a positive matter for the whole family

[00:11:38] and their future child at the same time. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:11:43] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

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[00:12:45] And our next story comes from Challenge Connect 590 and says,

[00:12:51] Husband wants to divorce and start over. Says he can't bond with our daughter.

[00:12:58] Throw away because I want to fix this and I'm paranoid about more people in our lives finding

[00:13:03] out. It's also fucked up already. I don't want more stress. My husband, 29 male,

[00:13:09] an I-13 non-binary, had been married for five years. I gave birth to our first child in September,

[00:13:16] a girl. My husband was present for most of my labor but things were very pear-shaped and I

[00:13:22] had to have an emergency c-section. The doctors told him to leave the room and wait outside.

[00:13:27] In short, he did not see our daughter be born. A week ago he informed me that he wants to

[00:13:33] divorce and start over on his dreams of having a family. He insisted that he cannot bond with

[00:13:38] our daughter and says it's because he didn't see her being born. He said a lot about how it's

[00:13:44] always been a dream of his to have a small and close-knit family and now he can't have that

[00:13:49] with me because of the c-section and him not being in the room. His dad suggested therapy

[00:13:55] but husband refused saying he knew it wouldn't work. I've made sure he knows I'm open to

[00:14:00] the idea if he changes his mind but he's very insistent that he knows this can't be fixed.

[00:14:06] Part of me knows I'm basically asking for a magic spell here but does anyone have any ideas how or

[00:14:11] if this can be fixed? I'll try to answer any questions anyone may have. And a lot of the

[00:14:17] comments were just saying you know this is just an excuse for him to leave you and that is

[00:14:22] just absolutely devastating. It crossed my mind because we have seen it before in the past

[00:14:27] you know just stupid fucking excuses to get out of a relationship or is there something more

[00:14:32] going on but if he's refusing therapy there isn't much you can do in this situation is there?

[00:14:38] But girl no no no says he's just using this as an excuse to leave you. Heavenly spike man says

[00:14:44] this is the lamest thing I've ever read and I would say he needs to start therapy immediately

[00:14:49] but I suspect he is making this story up to mask his real feelings. He's scared and doesn't

[00:14:53] want to be a dad, he's making up this perfect family dream thing either subconsciously or

[00:14:59] consciously. Seeing a birth is not what creates bonding. Cupcake says this sounds like a mental

[00:15:06] health issue, it sounds like his bond with the baby isn't living up to what he expected.

[00:15:11] This honestly has nothing to do with you your daughter or the c-section it's just a convenient

[00:15:16] thing for him to blame for his feelings. I imagine even if he saw her be born he'd have

[00:15:20] another excuse for why he isn't feeling the way he expected. A lot of people don't feel a

[00:15:25] strong bond with their infant, it's perfectly normal so I can't fault him for that but he

[00:15:30] needs to get therapy if that's how he feels. Leaving and having another kid isn't going to

[00:15:34] solve this for him. I'm sorry this is happening to you but it's not your fault and if he's not

[00:15:39] willing to get help then there's nothing you can do. A final comment from Fruit Jerky who says

[00:15:45] it's amazing how you think you know someone so well and then just like that they suddenly

[00:15:50] reveal that they're actually a piece of shit. I'm so sorry the father of your child turned out

[00:15:54] to be such a pathetic small person and he's not only leaving his family but used such a

[00:15:59] lame excuse to do it. I hope you'll note about his father means his parents can still be a

[00:16:03] part of your support system. Have you looked into the eye and said to him if so many other men

[00:16:08] can bond with their babies without having watched them be birthed then how come you are

[00:16:12] determined to fail at this very basic thing? And it's terrifying at the same time because

[00:16:18] if this was you know his feelings I'm not saying it is but then he's going to get

[00:16:23] with someone else and say the same thing happened again, partner needed a c-section,

[00:16:27] is he going to do the same thing again and just continue to do it? So bizarre but around 15 days

[00:16:33] later OP says several people suggested asking him to come with me to a therapist so I can

[00:16:38] get help understanding why he's leaving. He agreed and our appointment was yesterday. It

[00:16:43] didn't go badly but it didn't go well either. He was very upfront with the therapist. He

[00:16:49] didn't try to mince words or refuse to answer questions. He told the man, paraphrasing,

[00:16:54] they got to bond the entire pregnancy. That baby is made of their body. I can't compare

[00:16:59] to that. My work started at birth and I wasn't there so I don't feel like I ever got hired

[00:17:04] if that makes sense. Yeah he compared it to not having an employment contract. I get the

[00:17:10] metaphor I guess but I'm not sure how it translates to him not being able to bond. Several

[00:17:16] people have made transphobic comments and several other people have asked maybe my lack of gender

[00:17:21] was an issue. I assume no because my husband had known that I'm non-binary since before we

[00:17:25] started dating but I did bring it up while we were with the therapist. Husband insists that no

[00:17:30] it has nothing to do with anything. He didn't care about what I am but how I did. The

[00:17:35] therapist was very focused on trying to help me understand and I appreciate that. No complaints

[00:17:40] with him, I'm still completely in the dark though and husband has started talking about

[00:17:44] choosing a lawyer. He says he wants a clean break before daughter gets too attached.

[00:17:51] OP comes in a month later with what they call their final update and says this is probably

[00:17:56] going to be long and it isn't a happy update. My other posts can be seen in my post history

[00:18:01] but the short of it is that I gave birth to my daughter in September. My soon-to-be ex-husband

[00:18:06] did not see her birth, things went very badly and I needed an emergency intervention.

[00:18:11] He was not in the room for the c-section and about a month and a half ago he informed me

[00:18:15] that he cannot bond with her because he did not see her be born and he wants a divorce so he can

[00:18:20] start over on his dreams of a close-knit family. We have filed. I've taken daughter

[00:18:25] and moved back in with my parents who aren't very happy about their divorce but are thrilled

[00:18:29] to have the chance to nanny, daughter, their words not mine. Life was in stasis for about

[00:18:37] a week after my last post until father-in-law asked us to come over for dinner. He informed

[00:18:41] me that soon-to-be ex had asked for his help paying for a lawyer. He'd agreed with the

[00:18:45] requirement that we all sit down and have one last talk about the situation.

[00:18:50] OP was saying that he still thinks getting this over with would be best for me and daughter.

[00:18:56] Soon-to-be ex looked a little hurt at this so he's willing to help but he wanted

[00:19:00] to take one last shot of fixing it. The one last shot ended up being several hours of

[00:19:05] talking. Father-in-law bluntly demanded that soon-to-be ex explain his reasoning.

[00:19:10] Soon-to-be ex repeated the can't bond thing. Father-in-law asked why. The employment contract

[00:19:15] analogy was brought up again. After much back and forth, what do you mean by this? Why that?

[00:19:21] Father-in-law just said I'm not buying this. What's the real reason? Ex insisted till the end

[00:19:27] that what he'd been saying all along was his reasoning. He did not see daughter be born so

[00:19:32] he can't bond. He tried, he insisted, the connection isn't there. He was supposed to

[00:19:37] connect when daughter was born. There was supposed to be a spark of connection between them.

[00:19:42] But that spark can only happen right at birth I guess. In his mind, he can't get it now.

[00:19:48] Father-in-law asked if ex thought daughter wasn't his. Ex insists he has no doubts he is

[00:19:53] daughter's biological father. Father-in-law asked if ex was seeing someone else. Was there

[00:19:58] a woman or another pregnancy somewhere? Ex did not react well to this. He threw his phone down

[00:20:03] on the table and said they were free to search it. He's not a scumbag. After the conversation

[00:20:08] turned to post divorce life, ex offered up that he's been running the numbers and would

[00:20:14] volunteer 50-month alimony and 50 a month in child support. He doesn't have to do either mind

[00:20:20] because we're divorcing and he wants to cut all ties with the kid but he wants to be fair.

[00:20:25] 50 in alimony? Whatever. Have a job and a roof over our heads. I don't need it.

[00:20:32] 50 dollars in child support? That is a lot less. Whatever.

[00:20:36] But I'm refusing to stress about it. The courts will handle child support amounts.

[00:20:40] I'm making myself not angry and let them deal with it. I admit, I tuned out most of the rest

[00:20:47] of what father-in-law's attempt to talk sense into his son after that comment. I think when

[00:20:52] the coffin finally nailed itself shut, I started packing when he got home and went to my parents

[00:20:57] house the next day. I'm no longer talking to soon-to-be ex. His lawyer talks to mine

[00:21:02] and we haven't spoken in almost three weeks. I don't think I need to tell you that he hasn't

[00:21:06] shown any concern for daughter but here I am anyway. The day after I got there,

[00:21:11] my sister kidnapped me to her place. We got very drunk. Daughter was with parents, not us.

[00:21:16] Talked about everything and I screamed a lot. I got most of it out of my system. After that,

[00:21:22] we had more drinks and watched terrible horror movies. I woke up the next day with a headache

[00:21:26] from hell but otherwise feeling better than I had in a long time. My job can't transfer me,

[00:21:32] just my luck, but I've been promised a glowing reference and I'm cashing out what

[00:21:36] little paid leave I have left to add to my savings. Father-in-law asked after the failed

[00:21:42] conversation if I would be cutting him off. I assured him that he might not see us as much

[00:21:47] because of how far away my parents live and not knowing where I'll end up, but he's not getting

[00:21:51] rid of me or daughter that easily. He was very happy to hear that. So that's where I am.

[00:21:58] Papers have been filed. Daughter and I have moved out of the house. I'm doing my best

[00:22:02] to ignore soon-to-be ex's existence. Thank you all again for listening to me cry and

[00:22:07] complain over the past couple of months.

[00:22:37] you in cutting ties with my child, but out of the goodness of my heart I give you $50 a month.

[00:22:42] I know you can support yourself and your child on your own, but your child deserves

[00:22:46] every penny the court awards. You are 100% correct to let the lawyers handle this from here

[00:22:50] and tell them to get everything they can. Coco says yeah, this guy is going to be in

[00:22:56] for a shock when family court tells him child support isn't reduced just because

[00:22:59] you don't really feel like being a dad anymore. And again, might be best to have him sign away

[00:23:04] rights entirely so he can't come slinking back at some point.

[00:23:08] Manning's forehead says, excuse me judge, but I did not see the child actually come out of

[00:23:13] the uterus so I expect a discount on my child support and says I'm sure that will work well

[00:23:18] for him. Few explanation says I still think your husband needs some medical testing. Maybe

[00:23:24] he has an undiagnosed brain tumor or something making him act crazy. Absolutely, we've seen

[00:23:30] that before in a story, that story sticks in my head as one of the top ones that stick in

[00:23:34] my head all the time whenever we see something like this I think oh could it be. You know,

[00:23:38] there's every chance it's not but you know that's scarred into my brain these days,

[00:23:43] the wedding dress and the scissors story. Mother in law. But now I'm going to turn

[00:23:48] this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it

[00:23:54] if it was you? What do you think he's up to? Do you think he just wants to cut off or do

[00:23:59] you think there's more something more going on? Let us know your thoughts and just a huge thank

[00:24:03] you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your

[00:24:07] support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you for being bloody

[00:24:12] amazing. You are so and so and I'll see you in the next one. Take care much love.

[00:24:29] Bye.

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