My Close Friend Group Are Demanding I Stop Studying Law r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell to you bloody cheeky so-and-so. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:24] Now, today's first story comes from MessageFromA who says, My, female 29, group of close girlfriends, female 29, female 28, demand I stop studying law. How to proceed now?

[00:00:38] Hi guys, so, I really don't know how to proceed here. I'm utterly lost and I don't even know if I'm responsible for this whole mess or if my girlfriends are overstepping.

[00:00:48] First off, we all know each other since the high school age. We are all German so we have a different school system, important for later.

[00:00:57] This whole mess is about me, 29 female, Annika, 29 female and Tara, 28 female. My other friend is Hannah, 26 female, is an innocent bystander and was dragged in.

[00:01:08] Annika got pregnant at 18. The baby daddy went off and she and her ex-boyfriend tried to make it as a family.

[00:01:15] And when baby number two was born and her ex wasn't the father, he left her. I completely understood that. I didn't know he wasn't the father of baby two then.

[00:01:25] She didn't finish her apprenticeship and has to do a day job in an office. Tara finished her bachelor last year and wants to do a master's degree this year.

[00:01:34] I had a bit of a rocky path. I have a learning disability and only through therapy learned how to handle life and school with it.

[00:01:41] I did an apprenticeship and after that went back to school and did my A-levels in two years.

[00:01:46] And now I study law at a local university. I thought everything was fine and my friends were happy for me until this morning.

[00:01:54] Tara and Annika and I have monthly brunches to keep in contact on Sundays and this morning they told me that they demand me from stop studying law or else they would go no contact with me.

[00:02:05] Their reasoning they're afraid I'll get too cocky for being a law student and that they feel like I'm looking at them, especially Annika, as a second level human being.

[00:02:16] I never said or did anything that would indicate that I think that about Annika.

[00:02:21] For more than one instance I said I understand if she can't finish her apprenticeship now and would do it once the kids are in kindergarten.

[00:02:29] Tara wants to be a teacher and I think that's super cool. We need teachers and that's such a hard job too.

[00:02:36] Not once did I say that I am better than them because I study law.

[00:02:40] Hannah, who is just as shocked as me, sat there with me and looked completely bewildered.

[00:02:46] I asked both Annika and Tara to leave because it hurt me immensely what they said and that they think I would think something like that about them.

[00:02:53] And that the sheer audacity they have to ask me to stop studying law is just insane.

[00:02:59] I have worked my butt off to be able to study it and it just hurts me.

[00:03:03] Later I received a long WhatsApp from Annika in our group chat again demanding me to stop studying law.

[00:03:09] And if I won't, she will cut contact with me and so will Tara.

[00:03:13] I am absolutely lost.

[00:03:15] Tara, Annika and Hannah are my only friends.

[00:03:19] I didn't have a clique at uni or a huge friend circle.

[00:03:22] Quite the opposite.

[00:03:24] I don't want to lose my friends but I will under no circumstances stop studying.

[00:03:29] I am already past 6 semesters so absolutely not.

[00:03:32] I asked countless times what has happened but neither Annika nor Tara will answer my direct question.

[00:03:38] They are adamant I have to stop studying or else I will become too cocky to be around.

[00:03:44] What the hell am I supposed to do now?

[00:03:47] Now this is a simple answer from me.

[00:03:50] These people are not your friends.

[00:03:52] Friends don't do this to each other.

[00:03:54] They should be boosting you.

[00:03:55] They should be saying fair play to you.

[00:03:57] You get through your studies.

[00:03:59] You keep studying.

[00:04:00] We're proud of you.

[00:04:01] That's what friends do.

[00:04:02] Friends don't tell you to quit studying.

[00:04:03] Gee fucking whiz.

[00:04:05] These people are simply jealous of what you are achieving.

[00:04:09] And want to bring you down.

[00:04:11] These are not friends.

[00:04:13] It seems to me the way Hannah reacted in this situation.

[00:04:16] She is on your side.

[00:04:18] So you're not losing all your friends.

[00:04:20] You're losing two jealous people out of your life.

[00:04:23] As I said at the very start these people are not your friends.

[00:04:26] Friends don't treat you like that.

[00:04:28] And I get that's going to be difficult to come to terms with.

[00:04:32] But turn to support who people who do support you.

[00:04:35] Hopefully people like Hannah.

[00:04:38] But no no sleep says so.

[00:04:40] Anna fucked up her life and now wants to fuck up yours.

[00:04:43] You aren't losing a friend.

[00:04:45] She never was one.

[00:04:47] Opie says I'm not judging how she lives.

[00:04:50] She takes care of her kids works and pays her bills.

[00:04:53] I don't know what's going on.

[00:04:54] She's never hinted at that she isn't okay with me studying.

[00:04:57] I'll take a step back for a while and I'll see what happens.

[00:05:01] Sharper view says it's going to be hard.

[00:05:03] But you will get over losing these friends.

[00:05:05] I'm sorry they are doing this to you.

[00:05:07] Annika is a shitty person and you deserve better from people that say they care about you.

[00:05:12] Let them know that you will continue to study.

[00:05:14] Thank them for being a part of your life and wish them luck.

[00:05:17] The goodbye will be hard but it won't break you.

[00:05:20] Opie says thank you for your kind words.

[00:05:23] Will absolutely not stop studying.

[00:05:25] I worked long and hard and even now I fail a lot.

[00:05:29] I'm not a genius and it takes me two tries where others need just one.

[00:05:33] That's another reason I will never just quit.

[00:05:36] I guess if this is the moment they decide that just because I study law,

[00:05:39] which is not so hard to get into here in Germany if we're being honest,

[00:05:43] then I'm not going to stop them.

[00:05:45] Mango St.

[00:05:46] Juice says your two friends are jackasses.

[00:05:49] You'll find new friends in your new career.

[00:05:51] Opie says that's another thing that is making me anxious.

[00:05:54] A lot of the others at uni are a lot younger than me and it's hard to make any contact as I'm a lot older and somehow I'm just kind of boring.

[00:06:02] I work, I study, I walk the dog and that's it.

[00:06:05] I don't party or anything and I'm not interested in it either.

[00:06:08] I'm worried I'll stay friendless forever.

[00:06:11] It's just so awkward now all of a sudden to have to fight with two friends I've known for 15 plus years.

[00:06:17] And a final comment from Jen who says real friends lift you up, not drag you down.

[00:06:23] You can make new friends.

[00:06:24] Find a hobby where you can interact with others or join a student group and you'll find new friends.

[00:06:30] You'll also still have Hannah for a friend.

[00:06:32] Opie says definitely.

[00:06:34] Hannah has texted me already and told me she will cut contact with Annika and Tara.

[00:06:38] It seems they have texted her and bombarded her with threats too.

[00:06:41] I'll meet up with her this evening.

[00:06:42] Maybe I'll understand what's going on then.

[00:06:44] But Hannah and I are definitely staying friends.

[00:06:48] So then Opie came in with her update and says

[00:06:51] Hey guys, so first off I want to give out a huge thanks to all the kind redditors who commented on my post.

[00:06:57] Especially to the one redditor that made me smile and told me to have my legally blonde moment.

[00:07:02] I've sworn to myself I will live by this comment from now on.

[00:07:06] Now into the update.

[00:07:08] First off, no.

[00:07:09] I will not consider stopping to study for a minute.

[00:07:12] Annika and Tara are officially blocked

[00:07:14] And Hannah and I are still tight as ever.

[00:07:16] And this hasn't harmed our friendship.

[00:07:18] I'm very thankful to have her.

[00:07:20] A lot of you have the right intuition.

[00:07:22] This whole thing was born out of jealousy from Annika.

[00:07:25] Apparently she applied secretly to the same school that I did to get her A-levels.

[00:07:30] Like I did.

[00:07:31] She somehow didn't believe me or didn't read clearly.

[00:07:34] Either way when I told her she needed a finished apprenticeship to enter the program.

[00:07:38] When she got the denial, she flipped out.

[00:07:41] This whole thing with her not getting into the program made her lose her mind.

[00:07:45] She apparently insinuated to Tara that while we met privately, I would absolutely trash talk her.

[00:07:52] Tara, that I was so much better.

[00:07:54] By me studying law, yada yada.

[00:07:57] And that I think I'm better.

[00:07:59] So Annika spun this whole tale of her being afraid that I'd get in over my head and get cocky.

[00:08:05] She deep faked WhatsApp messages and sent them to Tara.

[00:08:08] I have proof of them.

[00:08:10] Tara showed me reluctantly and she demanded from Tara to back her up during our Sunday brunch and to help her with her demands.

[00:08:17] Apparently Annika wanted proof to me that the two school years weren't so difficult, as I always said.

[00:08:23] Which is true.

[00:08:24] I did say that you have to study and want it.

[00:08:27] That's 50% of the students failed the last year.

[00:08:30] As it's a high demand.

[00:08:32] Never did I say that she couldn't do it.

[00:08:34] I said you have to want it and being sick is out of the question.

[00:08:37] And that Annika took this as a direct hit to her ego.

[00:08:41] Obviously.

[00:08:41] And I think she's always missing work and that I think she's lazy.

[00:08:45] She has two small children in kindergarten.

[00:08:47] Of course she gets sick and of course the kids have to stay home.

[00:08:51] And so does she.

[00:08:52] It was never meant as a direct insult on my part.

[00:08:55] Now to Tara.

[00:08:56] Thinking I had a better chance to get to the bottom of this.

[00:08:59] I asked Tara to meet me alone.

[00:09:01] She agreed and reluctantly admitted she knew all along what Annika planned.

[00:09:06] I.e. to tell me to stop or force no contact on me.

[00:09:09] And that she felt she couldn't say no.

[00:09:12] As she saw my WhatsApp messages.

[00:09:14] I was so confused by that.

[00:09:16] And asked her what messages she talked about.

[00:09:19] Tara showed me screenshots.

[00:09:21] And after a long back and forth.

[00:09:22] She agreed they looked suspicious.

[00:09:24] And didn't sound like me at all.

[00:09:26] Annika has a bit of a habit of slang.

[00:09:28] Whereas I absolutely don't.

[00:09:30] But for her it was evidence enough.

[00:09:32] Because she felt somehow that I was trying to take over the place of the best in the group.

[00:09:36] And that she felt I was rubbing it in their faces.

[00:09:39] Especially with me always telling them that I fail this and that.

[00:09:42] And keep on studying.

[00:09:44] I'm not kidding.

[00:09:45] I must have looked like a fish out on the beach hearing all this nonsense.

[00:09:48] I was sad the whole time.

[00:09:50] This was exactly the moment I lost all emotional connections to both of them.

[00:09:54] I told her if that's what she thinks about me.

[00:09:57] Annika is the better company and she should join her in her misery.

[00:09:59] If they want a punching bag.

[00:10:01] They can buy one in Amazon.

[00:10:03] But absolutely not use me for that.

[00:10:06] I sent a scathing WhatsApp to the group chat.

[00:10:08] And blocked both of them.

[00:10:09] I am sad that I spent 15 years thinking these people will have my back.

[00:10:14] As I did for them.

[00:10:16] But that's life I guess.

[00:10:17] I still have Hannah.

[00:10:18] And she promised me to be my study buddy whenever I needed one.

[00:10:22] So yeah.

[00:10:23] That's it.

[00:10:25] Underpaid says on the back of this.

[00:10:27] That's crazy levels of pride and ego.

[00:10:29] Like kinda scary.

[00:10:31] If she's willing to go that far over some petty shit.

[00:10:34] Imagine if there was something to actually beef over.

[00:10:37] Opie replied saying.

[00:10:39] She was always like that.

[00:10:40] She was quick to escalate the situation over nothing.

[00:10:43] In my opinion.

[00:10:45] She even went no contact with her own mom.

[00:10:47] After she couldn't watch her kids once.

[00:10:49] We managed to talk her down and not do that.

[00:10:52] But in hindsight.

[00:10:53] It could be really exhausting with her.

[00:10:55] Zaya asked the Opie.

[00:10:57] What I want to know is.

[00:10:58] How Annika didn't realize an apprenticeship was required.

[00:11:01] When applying for the program she did.

[00:11:03] In the US.

[00:11:04] College applications literally spell out the requirements.

[00:11:07] They have in order for you.

[00:11:08] To even have a chance of getting in.

[00:11:10] And even then.

[00:11:11] It's not a guarantee.

[00:11:12] Especially with top tier schools.

[00:11:14] Do they not have the requirements listed for.

[00:11:16] Prospective students.

[00:11:17] That they see during the application process.

[00:11:20] Opie says.

[00:11:21] I concluded that Anna didn't believe.

[00:11:23] When I told her.

[00:11:23] That she needed the finished apprenticeship.

[00:11:25] Because.

[00:11:26] You literally go to the website.

[00:11:27] Print out a PDF with your information.

[00:11:29] And then the secretary gets in contact with you.

[00:11:31] When you get into the class.

[00:11:33] To send all the necessary forms.

[00:11:35] A.K.A.

[00:11:35] Your certificate of apprenticeship.

[00:11:36] The ship.

[00:11:38] Apparently.

[00:11:39] To what I found out.

[00:11:40] She just applied.

[00:11:41] Didn't read.

[00:11:41] Once more.

[00:11:42] Because she wanted to prove that she can do that too.

[00:11:45] Receive the acceptance letter.

[00:11:46] And then she lost her spot.

[00:11:48] Due to the missing certificate.

[00:11:49] She obviously knew what type of school I was in.

[00:11:52] There's literally three letters.

[00:11:53] And there's only one economic school here.

[00:11:55] And of course.

[00:11:55] She knew where I went to school.

[00:11:57] All I can conclude is.

[00:11:58] She downloaded the PDF.

[00:12:00] Filled it out.

[00:12:01] And then.

[00:12:01] She imploded.

[00:12:03] And I agreed with that previous comment as well.

[00:12:05] That it is a bit scary.

[00:12:07] That behavior.

[00:12:08] And you can see that.

[00:12:09] They're willing to go to the point.

[00:12:10] Of faking messages.

[00:12:12] On WhatsApp.

[00:12:13] To manipulate other people.

[00:12:14] To join them.

[00:12:15] Of berating OP.

[00:12:17] And trying to get them to leave.

[00:12:19] Leave their studies.

[00:12:21] And she's shown other manipulative behaviors before.

[00:12:24] Like going no contact with her own mom.

[00:12:26] For not looking after the child.

[00:12:27] And that child.

[00:12:28] Gee whiz.

[00:12:30] Sort of makes you worry about that child.

[00:12:32] At the same time.

[00:12:32] Doesn't it?

[00:12:33] I mean wow.

[00:12:34] Gotta say.

[00:12:34] I'm super proud of you for OP.

[00:12:36] For standing your ground here.

[00:12:37] For not taking any shit.

[00:12:40] And for continuing with your studies.

[00:12:41] I didn't have any doubt.

[00:12:42] That you wouldn't in the end.

[00:12:43] Because.

[00:12:44] You know.

[00:12:44] That's some crazy ass behavior.

[00:12:45] That she was asking of you there.

[00:12:47] But.

[00:12:47] What do you guys make.

[00:12:48] Of this.

[00:12:49] Situation.

[00:12:50] Let us know your thoughts down.

[00:12:52] In the comments below.

[00:12:53] And let's move on.

[00:12:54] To another.

[00:12:55] Story.

[00:12:57] Now.

[00:12:58] Our next story is from.

[00:12:59] Advance Farm 6446.

[00:13:01] And says.

[00:13:01] My kids and I.

[00:13:02] Are being excluded.

[00:13:03] From family events.

[00:13:04] By younger sister.

[00:13:06] And no one.

[00:13:06] Is advocating for us.

[00:13:09] I find myself.

[00:13:10] In a challenging situation.

[00:13:12] Where I'm questioning.

[00:13:13] Whether I'm at fault.

[00:13:14] For being upset.

[00:13:14] That my mother.

[00:13:15] Never defends me.

[00:13:16] And my kids.

[00:13:17] Against my sister's.

[00:13:18] Hurtful behavior.

[00:13:19] Who is 15 years.

[00:13:20] Is my junior.

[00:13:22] As I approach 40.

[00:13:24] And she is 25.

[00:13:25] A decade.

[00:13:26] Of hostility.

[00:13:27] And distance from her.

[00:13:27] Has left me wondering.

[00:13:28] What I have done wrong.

[00:13:30] Some years ago.

[00:13:31] I asked her about it.

[00:13:33] And she opened up.

[00:13:34] About her feelings.

[00:13:34] She explained.

[00:13:35] That her animosity.

[00:13:36] Towards me.

[00:13:37] Stemmed from.

[00:13:37] When she was.

[00:13:38] Nine years old.

[00:13:39] And I was 24.

[00:13:41] At that time.

[00:13:42] I just had my first child.

[00:13:44] And I needed our mother's help.

[00:13:45] With childcare.

[00:13:46] Two days a week.

[00:13:47] While I was at work.

[00:13:48] We also lived with them.

[00:13:50] For six months.

[00:13:51] When our new home.

[00:13:51] Was being renovated.

[00:13:53] Sometimes.

[00:13:54] My child.

[00:13:54] Would also stay.

[00:13:55] With our mother.

[00:13:56] His grandma.

[00:13:57] On Saturdays.

[00:13:58] And she interpreted this.

[00:13:59] As receiving less attention.

[00:14:01] From our mother.

[00:14:02] Until then.

[00:14:03] She's been accustomed.

[00:14:04] To being the center.

[00:14:05] Of attention.

[00:14:06] Since.

[00:14:06] I'd already moved out.

[00:14:07] By the time.

[00:14:08] She was four years old.

[00:14:09] And worked full time.

[00:14:11] I had a difficult time.

[00:14:12] Growing up.

[00:14:13] And living with her father.

[00:14:14] We have different dads.

[00:14:16] Who struggled with alcoholism.

[00:14:18] And was incredibly narcissistic.

[00:14:20] The fighting at home.

[00:14:21] Between him.

[00:14:22] And my mother.

[00:14:22] Before she was born.

[00:14:23] Was awful.

[00:14:24] He also had trouble conceiving.

[00:14:26] Because my mom.

[00:14:27] Was in her 40s.

[00:14:28] By then.

[00:14:29] So.

[00:14:29] Their days were spent.

[00:14:30] Loudly.

[00:14:30] Trying to conceive.

[00:14:31] Even when I had friends over.

[00:14:33] Which was embarrassing.

[00:14:35] At 15.

[00:14:36] I tried to tell my grandmother.

[00:14:37] About life at home.

[00:14:38] But she told me.

[00:14:45] Not to be in the way.

[00:14:47] Of her happiness.

[00:14:48] So.

[00:14:49] I kept quiet.

[00:14:49] And stayed away.

[00:14:50] From the house.

[00:14:51] As much as possible.

[00:14:52] They split.

[00:14:53] When my sister was two years old.

[00:14:55] I moved out.

[00:14:55] When she was four.

[00:14:57] I feel.

[00:14:57] I always took a back seat.

[00:14:59] And was never important enough.

[00:15:00] To be heard or seen.

[00:15:01] So.

[00:15:02] Being excluded.

[00:15:03] From something.

[00:15:03] Or being dismissed.

[00:15:04] Has since been.

[00:15:05] A significant trigger.

[00:15:06] For me.

[00:15:07] I don't know.

[00:15:08] If I'm too sensitive.

[00:15:09] To be objective now.

[00:15:10] And.

[00:15:10] I need help.

[00:15:11] Knowing.

[00:15:11] If I'm in the wrong.

[00:15:12] Or not.

[00:15:13] In my eyes.

[00:15:14] Her childhood.

[00:15:14] Was fantastic.

[00:15:15] But she thinks.

[00:15:17] I ruined hers.

[00:15:18] She was the center.

[00:15:19] Of my mom's attention.

[00:15:20] And.

[00:15:21] When my mom was at work.

[00:15:22] Her grandparents.

[00:15:23] Would dote on her.

[00:15:24] She got everything.

[00:15:25] She wanted.

[00:15:26] Her driver's license.

[00:15:27] A car.

[00:15:28] Her education.

[00:15:28] Was paid for.

[00:15:29] Etc.

[00:15:30] Whereas I had to pay.

[00:15:31] For all of that.

[00:15:32] Myself.

[00:15:32] And was living in a house.

[00:15:33] With an abusive.

[00:15:34] Alcoholic.

[00:15:35] We have lived.

[00:15:36] Very different lives.

[00:15:37] Over the years.

[00:15:38] My sister's resentment.

[00:15:40] Towards me.

[00:15:40] Has only intensified.

[00:15:42] Resulting in.

[00:15:43] My kids and I.

[00:15:44] Exclusion.

[00:15:44] From family events.

[00:15:45] Such as birthdays.

[00:15:47] And most recently.

[00:15:48] The baby shower.

[00:15:50] Yesterday.

[00:15:50] We were the only ones.

[00:15:51] Not invited.

[00:15:52] To a baby shower.

[00:15:53] And the family.

[00:15:54] Kept it a secret.

[00:15:55] From me and my kids.

[00:15:58] Now.

[00:15:58] And has his own.

[00:15:59] Social media.

[00:16:00] Accounts.

[00:16:00] And he saw the baby shower.

[00:16:01] Pictures.

[00:16:02] On his timeline.

[00:16:03] I don't want him.

[00:16:04] To feel how I felt.

[00:16:05] At that age.

[00:16:05] At the hands of her dad.

[00:16:06] And my mom.

[00:16:07] Just like she's.

[00:16:08] An extension.

[00:16:08] Of her dad's abuse.

[00:16:09] And I find it.

[00:16:10] Challenging.

[00:16:11] To navigate.

[00:16:11] This family dynamic.

[00:16:13] I don't understand.

[00:16:14] Why we weren't invited.

[00:16:15] For the past seven months.

[00:16:17] I thought we were doing better.

[00:16:19] I've seen her.

[00:16:19] And her daughter.

[00:16:20] A few times.

[00:16:21] At my mom's house.

[00:16:21] Our grandad's birthday.

[00:16:23] And we were even.

[00:16:24] Invited to her daughter's.

[00:16:25] Birthday party.

[00:16:26] Which was awesome.

[00:16:27] And everything seemed to be fine.

[00:16:28] It was nice being included.

[00:16:30] By her again.

[00:16:31] My kids were playing.

[00:16:32] With her daughter.

[00:16:32] And we were laughing.

[00:16:33] And catching up.

[00:16:34] And we were laughing.

[00:16:39] In a small relationship again.

[00:16:40] Because the last time.

[00:16:41] She excluded us.

[00:16:42] Was two years prior.

[00:16:43] When my mom retired.

[00:16:44] She excluded me.

[00:16:46] From planning.

[00:16:46] Even after offering.

[00:16:47] My help.

[00:16:48] Numerous times.

[00:16:49] Because her mother.

[00:16:50] Is also my mother.

[00:16:51] After all.

[00:16:52] But she ignored me.

[00:16:53] So I stepped back.

[00:16:54] And let her do the planning.

[00:16:55] And told her.

[00:16:56] If she needs me.

[00:16:57] Call me.

[00:16:57] When the day came.

[00:16:59] She said.

[00:16:59] She organized a boat trip.

[00:17:00] And the captain said.

[00:17:01] There were no kids allowed.

[00:17:03] I have three kids.

[00:17:04] What the fuck?

[00:17:05] So I asked her.

[00:17:06] If we could come after the boat trip.

[00:17:08] When everyone's having dinner.

[00:17:09] And she also told me no.

[00:17:10] That was the first time.

[00:17:12] I cut contact with her.

[00:17:13] After lots of begging.

[00:17:15] And my mother.

[00:17:15] Excusing her behavior.

[00:17:17] I came back.

[00:17:18] And slowly started.

[00:17:19] A relationship with them again.

[00:17:20] And then.

[00:17:21] The baby shower.

[00:17:22] I need to shield.

[00:17:24] Not only myself.

[00:17:25] But also my children.

[00:17:26] From this hurtful treatment.

[00:17:27] I also feel a sense of resentment.

[00:17:29] Towards our mother.

[00:17:30] For not taking a stand.

[00:17:31] In advocating for us.

[00:17:33] I'd hoped that she would say.

[00:17:35] If my daughter and grandchildren.

[00:17:36] Aren't welcome.

[00:17:37] I won't attend either.

[00:17:39] But a perspective.

[00:17:39] Differes from mine.

[00:17:41] She feels she's the victim.

[00:17:42] Of our arguing.

[00:17:43] And if my sister doesn't want us there.

[00:17:45] Then there's nothing she can do.

[00:17:47] For the second time now.

[00:17:48] I've blocked both of them.

[00:17:49] And last night.

[00:17:50] My aunt sent me a message.

[00:17:52] That I'm wrong.

[00:17:52] For being upset with my mother.

[00:17:54] I've blocked all her friends.

[00:17:55] And sister.

[00:17:56] Just in case they contact me.

[00:17:58] Because I know.

[00:17:59] From the last time.

[00:18:00] They will send me messages like.

[00:18:01] Your mom is so sad.

[00:18:02] You're wrong for doing this to her.

[00:18:04] Etc.

[00:18:04] In my almost 40 years.

[00:18:06] I've never once received acknowledgement.

[00:18:08] Of my feelings.

[00:18:09] Or an apology.

[00:18:10] Am I the arsehole here.

[00:18:12] For blocking them both.

[00:18:13] And hurting my mother.

[00:18:14] Am I wrong here.

[00:18:15] Because she's allowed to not invite people.

[00:18:17] She doesn't like to her events after all.

[00:18:19] I also don't want to be where I'm not wanted.

[00:18:22] But this can't go on like this either.

[00:18:25] Edit.

[00:18:25] I only have one social media account.

[00:18:27] Insta.

[00:18:28] Which I've had for over a decade.

[00:18:29] And my dumb ass was following each and every family member.

[00:18:32] And only my mom followed me back.

[00:18:34] I never realized I've been quite blind.

[00:18:37] They don't like me.

[00:18:38] Period.

[00:18:39] Time to move on.

[00:18:42] LukeTurtle23 says to OP.

[00:18:44] Info.

[00:18:44] Have you asked your mom why you're always excluded?

[00:18:47] OP says a few times and the answer changes each time.

[00:18:50] From what I remember over the years.

[00:18:52] She feels she gets less attention than I do.

[00:18:54] She feels sorry for my mom for having babysit her grandchild twice a week.

[00:18:59] This was said when she was a teenager.

[00:19:01] Before she had kids.

[00:19:02] Now my mom is retired and watches their daughter.

[00:19:04] So I'm sure she changed her mind on that one.

[00:19:07] I don't show her enough interest or attention.

[00:19:10] In the months we lived at my mom's 14 years ago.

[00:19:13] She had to share her bedroom with us.

[00:19:15] She thinks I'm weird and I'm jealous of her and her life.

[00:19:19] I'd like to add that when my youngest was a few years younger.

[00:19:22] He could be unpredictable because of his autism for instance.

[00:19:25] If he entered a room with people sometimes he would hide in a corner for about 15 minutes

[00:19:29] to adjust to the situation and compose himself.

[00:19:32] He couldn't speak well also.

[00:19:34] He's eight now and had lots of therapy and almost completely over his social anxiety issues.

[00:19:39] He also speaks well now.

[00:19:41] But thinking about it.

[00:19:42] This could have contributed to not being invited.

[00:19:44] As I can imagine this wasn't standard behavior.

[00:19:47] And might have been annoying to some.

[00:19:49] Like oh here she comes again.

[00:19:51] Like I always say within these stories.

[00:19:53] I know it's incredibly difficult when it comes to cutting off family.

[00:19:56] Because you know they're relatives.

[00:19:58] I hate to use the but family.

[00:20:00] But it is difficult for some people to do so.

[00:20:03] It just feels in this scenario.

[00:20:05] Now is the time to be doing that.

[00:20:07] You need to ask yourself what you are getting yourself out of this relationship.

[00:20:11] Like you said yourself.

[00:20:11] You need to shield not only yourself.

[00:20:13] But your children as well.

[00:20:14] Because it doesn't sound like it's going to change going forward.

[00:20:17] It just feels like your sister's not going to change anytime soon.

[00:20:21] Your mother's not going to back you up in any way.

[00:20:24] So I have to ask what are you getting out of this?

[00:20:27] But I'm just going to read this comment from Fascination Street.

[00:20:29] It says you've been running around begging some kid to include you for years.

[00:20:33] You've given her untold power over you.

[00:20:36] And now you're projecting that onto your kids.

[00:20:38] Expecting mummy to rush to your aid.

[00:20:41] Stop giving her all the power.

[00:20:43] Walk away.

[00:20:44] Stay away.

[00:20:45] The OP comes in with her update and said yesterday when I confided in my best friend.

[00:20:50] About being excluded from my sister's baby shower.

[00:20:52] She shared that she believes my family doesn't like me.

[00:20:55] Because of years of negative influence from my mother's judgmental behavior.

[00:20:59] Growing up my mother's harsh words and actions shaped my sister's and niece's perceptions of me.

[00:21:05] Making it difficult for them to see me differently now that they are adults.

[00:21:09] My best friend told me that when we were teens and in our twenties.

[00:21:12] My mom scared her and our other friends.

[00:21:15] Reflecting on my past.

[00:21:16] I remembered a time 25 years ago.

[00:21:18] When I was 15.

[00:21:20] When I decided to tell my grandparents about life at home.

[00:21:23] Unfortunately my grandma urged me not to interfere with my mother's happiness.

[00:21:27] Leading me to seek refuge at my best friend's house instead.

[00:21:31] Recalling these memories prompted me to reach out to my granddad.

[00:21:34] To see how he would react this time.

[00:21:36] My dad died so I only have him now.

[00:21:39] My granddad knows I cut contact with my mother and sister.

[00:21:42] When I was excluded from my mom's retirement party a few years ago.

[00:21:46] Back then I had shed with him feelings of exclusion from family events over the years.

[00:21:51] And the animosity I felt from my sister and nieces.

[00:21:54] Whenever I entered the room.

[00:21:56] Despite expressing my need for support.

[00:21:58] My granddad's response was disappointing.

[00:22:01] Even though he said he would sort his daughter out.

[00:22:04] My mom.

[00:22:05] It turns out my mom created a false narrative about my mental health struggles.

[00:22:10] Saying I was going through menopause at 38.

[00:22:13] And that I have become unstable.

[00:22:14] My period and cycles are just fine.

[00:22:17] Anyways.

[00:22:18] When I told my granddad about being excluded from my sister's baby shower last Sunday.

[00:22:23] He ignored my message.

[00:22:24] I've been on red for almost two days now.

[00:22:27] I understand I am almost 40 now.

[00:22:29] And he's an old man.

[00:22:30] So maybe he just wants to be left alone at his old age.

[00:22:33] Which I understand completely.

[00:22:35] It's a complex and emotional situation to me.

[00:22:38] But I'm navigating it as best as I can for my own well being.

[00:22:42] And that of my children.

[00:22:43] I think that my best friend is spot on.

[00:22:45] In saying that my sister grew up listening to how my mom berated me and mistreated me.

[00:22:50] She'll probably never see me in a different light.

[00:22:52] So we'll have to accept it and move on.

[00:22:55] Thank you to everyone for opening my eyes and being so kind about it.

[00:22:59] I saved all your messages in a word file.

[00:23:01] So I can read them whenever I feel a bit down.

[00:23:04] If I have any good updates in the future.

[00:23:06] I will update here.

[00:23:07] And I just want to read the top comment on that update.

[00:23:10] Because I thought it was a lovely little comment.

[00:23:12] And beneficial ball says.

[00:23:13] Hey sweetheart.

[00:23:14] I read both your post and the update.

[00:23:16] And I can only recommend so little.

[00:23:18] But maybe this can be a bit of solace.

[00:23:20] You have found family.

[00:23:22] Your friends gathered from your post.

[00:23:23] You're still friends with people from over 25 years ago.

[00:23:26] I tell you that some family level of friendship.

[00:23:29] Even thicker than blood could ever be.

[00:23:31] You also have your own real family.

[00:23:35] Your kids.

[00:23:36] They have you.

[00:23:37] And you sound like such an awesome, dedicated, kind hearted person.

[00:23:41] Taking in everyone's perspective and emotions.

[00:23:44] More than a mother.

[00:23:45] Actually a true hero.

[00:23:47] And I don't think from what you've wrote.

[00:23:49] That you have even the tiniest petty streak in you.

[00:23:51] I have.

[00:23:52] And let me tell you.

[00:23:53] It's your sister and your sister alone.

[00:23:56] Alone to take care of your mother for everything.

[00:23:58] Don't you dare even contribute even one helping hand.

[00:24:02] Sent.

[00:24:03] Or Penny.

[00:24:04] She is the one who will have to do it all.

[00:24:07] Cut ties.

[00:24:08] Invest your love, money and time into people who love you back.

[00:24:12] Sometimes family only send you curveballs.

[00:24:14] But a true clever queen wouldn't mind.

[00:24:17] Because she isn't even at the field anymore.

[00:24:19] No.

[00:24:20] She's playing basketball.

[00:24:21] With true loved ones.

[00:24:23] Wish you all the best.

[00:24:25] And like the comment said.

[00:24:27] Like that last comment said.

[00:24:28] Is you need to make the best decision for yourself.

[00:24:31] And just cut these people out.

[00:24:33] They are offering nothing to your life.

[00:24:35] But pain.

[00:24:36] And if you continue to chase these people.

[00:24:38] I feel like you're just going to do yourself more damage.

[00:24:41] And potentially your family at the same time.

[00:24:43] But I do really wish you all the best OP.

[00:24:46] I'm really hoping it's going to be one of those situations in the future.

[00:24:50] Like when you've cut them off for a period of time.

[00:24:52] That you're going to realize.

[00:24:53] That they did offer very little.

[00:24:55] If anything.

[00:24:57] To your life.

[00:24:58] Apart from worry in your mind.

[00:25:00] And hopefully things clear up for you.

[00:25:02] And just turn to the people who do truly love you.

[00:25:05] The support systems around you.

[00:25:06] But now.

[00:25:07] I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:25:09] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:25:13] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:25:16] And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[00:25:18] For getting involved in today's stories.

[00:25:20] Your love.

[00:25:21] Your support.

[00:25:21] Your time.

[00:25:22] Always means the absolute world to me.

[00:25:24] So thank you so so much for being involved.

[00:25:25] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:25:28] Take care.

[00:25:29] And much love.