My Brother Invited And Then Disinvited Me To His Wedding In The Same Breath r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] Now before we do get into today's first story, I do want to give you a warning that there is homophobia within the story. So if you do want to skip it, please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. Now this story comes from MiserableWeight2784 and it says, am I the arsehole for not caring that I was uninvited to my older brother's wedding? It starts, This whole thing is so weird. I, 27 male, am gay.

[00:00:47] I came out at 16 and my parents told me they would always love me but to not mention it to my older brother who I'll call Brick. Then 19 male, 30 male now. When I was confused and I asked why, they said that Brick had expressed some awful opinions about gay people. I limited talking to Brick until I moved out at 18, which wasn't much of a problem because we were never close. I went to uni, got a good job and an awesome boyfriend, 28 male, in my home city.

[00:01:18] Me and my boyfriend, Angel, live a peaceful life. Peaceful until a few days ago when I got a call from my brother. I was concerned that Brick was calling me, as we have never messaged before. Just had each other's numbers for emergency purposes. I picked up because maybe there was an emergency happening. He opened the call with an annoyed, hey man. And I knew something was up. He said he was getting married to his fiancée, Yen, 24 female, next year. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend.

[00:01:47] I was like, that's great Brick. And asked some boring wedding things that he begrudgingly answered. He then told me invites were being sent out in a couple of weeks and that I could bring a plus one. Here's where I made the mistake that started this mess. Without thinking like an idiot, I said, cool, I'll bring my boyfriend. Major mess up. Brick immediately started yelling insults down the line, screaming that he wouldn't have an F-slur at his wedding.

[00:02:16] I didn't say anything and just hung up. I was rattled by hearing those words from my own brother's mouth, even though I knew his feelings about people like me. I told Angel and he comforted me, ordering in my favorite restaurant and watching movies with me, which was awesome. We went to bed later and I felt alright the next day. I sent my parents a message that Brick invited me and uninvited me from his wedding pretty much in the same breath and went on my way to work.

[00:02:44] Not a clue of the crap storm waiting for me when I got off. When I turned my phone on again after my shift, it was blowing up. Messages and calls from my parents and relatives galore asking me what the f-k happened. I phoned my parents back when I got home and gave them the rundown of what happened and said I honestly didn't care because it's not like Brick would be coming to my wedding anyways. My parents immediately chastisized me for my obvious disinterest and disregard of my brother's

[00:03:11] life and told me that I should be apologizing to him for bringing my personal life into his wedding. What? I basically told my parents to screw off and have been getting bombarded with messages from relatives to apologize to my brother and get my invite reinstated. And apologize to my parents for disrespecting them. But I really don't want to. Angel's reassuring me that I did nothing wrong. But it's still nagging me. Am I the arsehole? A relevant comment asked OP, they said,

[00:03:41] Why did your brother sound annoyed at the beginning of the call? Did he already know or was he being forced to invite you by your parents? Seems weird. OP says he's never been my biggest fan honestly. We were very different kids like polar opposites and he didn't like that. Very on brand for him. He definitely didn't know I was gay before the call. My parents have kept it very under wraps for years. In terms if he's being forced to invite me by my parents, I really have zero clue. Cut them off.

[00:04:10] Cut them all off. It pissed me off from the beginning that your family told you to hide this because of Brick's views. Imagine telling your child, Oh, just hide yourself because your brother's a homophobic prick. Just thinking about how angry he got immediately when you said, I'll bring my boyfriend. And you think you... What a moron, honestly. Absolutely. Oh, I don't know. Anyway, Banff says, Not the arsehole. Apparently, your parents find it easier to appease a homophobe than to actually do what is right.

[00:04:39] This means your parents take the easy way out as opposed to doing the right thing. Or because your brother throws a bigger temper tantrum than you do. What they should be doing in this situation if they truly loved and supported you, is that they would be yelling at your brother instead for what he said to you. Maximum Swan says, You are supposed to apologize to your brother and get your invite reinstated. Are you supposed to stop being gay as well? Because that is your brother's problem. Block the lot of them until this dies down.

[00:05:07] Unless a miracle occurs and your brother turns his thinking around, you'll have to accept that he is now completely out of your life. It'd be nice though if your parents realized that you were the innocent one here. I really wouldn't be in the hope that he's going to change his tune anytime soon. I mean, your parents told you not to tell him was it 11 years ago? And he hasn't changed. But Lemon Charlie says not the arsehole. If he's a homophobe and the family condone his homophobia, they're enabling it. And the wedding will have a homophobic attitude. Your parents warned you about Brick,

[00:05:37] which proved sadly true since the moment he realized he went straight to the slurs. Even if you did apologize, then you know you'll be in for abuse at the wedding if Brick ever accepts it. Angel is right and the only one treating you best. Tell your family you won't be the punching bag for Brick's hate. Low Balance quotes the bit where it says, Angel was comforting OP and says, Ah, this is how you do relationships. I know it's not the point of your post, but hang on to Angel. This guy's a keeper. Anyway, not the arsehole.

[00:06:06] You didn't bring your personal life into Brick's wedding. You mentioned your plus one. I'll tell anyone that aren't your parents or Brick that this doesn't concern them and ask why they're involving themselves in this. And please don't apologize for anything to your parents or Brick. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. OP comes in with her update and says, You all have really opened my eyes on a lot of issues in my family. I apologize for only replying to a few comments. There's just so many of you. Big shout out to all the people who gave compliments to Angel.

[00:06:36] I showed him the post last night and he thanked you all. I've been showing him lots of love because he really is an angel. All the people calling this fake, AI, cliche and whatnot. I hate to break it to you all, but this is just my life. It sounds cliche because this sort of thing is all too real thing that happens to many people in the community. Just move along if you want to say that stuff because you're honestly just wasting your time. One of two things I would also like to address is people questioning me about thinking I could possibly be the arsehole in this situation.

[00:07:05] And all I can say is that when you've had a mass of people telling you that you're wrong for what you did, it's hard to not maybe believe them just a little bit. No matter how absurd it is. Second thing, for people wondering how no one in the family knew I was gay. I really was never, slash am not close with my extended family, as they all live in different provinces and my immediate family never traveled. We really just send each other holiday and birthday messages and have brief conversations whenever those are sent.

[00:07:33] I just never had the urge to come out to them. Anyways, on to the update. I decided I didn't want to let this sit for any longer. I took a day off work and I added my parents, Brick and all the family that messaged and called me into one big group chat. Per one advice I saw there, I laid out everything that went down to them. In case they were told a different story by my parents and brother. I told them that I was going no contact with my parents and Brick, no matter what. And if they didn't apologize and realize what they did wrong, or I cut them off too.

[00:08:03] I turned my phone off and continued on without it for the rest of the day. Once I turned my phone on again, I had lots of messages from them. My parents were outraged and Brick said nothing. Some of my extended family apologized and told me that my parents just told them. I was mean to Brick about some of his wedding plan choices, which got me uninvited. Still trying to wrap my head around how stupid that is. Seriously think my parents might be Neanderthals. Anyways, the real story made others even more angry and more insistent that I apologize.

[00:08:32] And they were promptly blocked. I didn't answer any of my parents' texts and calls and blocked. I feel like I have a weight off my shoulders. I'm not concerned about my parents showing up at our apartment as they moved away from my city last year. Me and Angel were planning a lovely trip, per advice of a lot of people that we thought was great, to France to visit his family during when the visit will be taking place. Which I'm very excited for. I've heard nothing but good things about them. This will most likely be my only update on this post.

[00:09:01] And I thank you all for your support. Absolutely good on OP for this situation. I can't believe some people were still getting in contact with OP to berate them after OP revealed the truth. Absolutely right. Cutting them out. You don't need that toxicity in your life. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's have another story.

[00:09:29] From Meemaw's Brisket Recipe. And it says, Am I the arsehole for moving across Canada without telling my parents after they missed my high school graduation? I'd like to preface this by saying that I'm 19. Although fresh out of high school, I missed a year due to medical issues. I, 19 female, recently graduated high school. And my parents missed the ceremony in favor of my little brother's James, 12 male, championship game.

[00:09:57] Their defense was that he'd tried so hard to make the team. And it wouldn't be fair to him if they weren't there to help support. They told me that since I'd already graduated, I didn't have to worry about losing my diploma the way my brother could lose the game. Spoiler, he was benched the whole game and his team lost 4-2. My parents have always missed my milestones in place of my brother's less significant achievements. For example, they missed my sweet 16 party in place of his end-of-year concert.

[00:10:26] Besides the fact that my parents forget I exist 99% of the time. And I've been working a job and saving since I was 13. I have an older sister, Emma, 21 female, who left the second she graduated because our parents neglected her. Me and my boyfriend Mike, 20 male, had both made it into a great school in British Columbia. I live in Quebec. The plan was to move there together sometime in August.

[00:10:50] But when my parents just didn't show up to my grad, I went to his house and we left a week later. They were used to me being gone for extended periods of time. But when I didn't even send them an angry text after they were a grad no-show, they called. I answered and I informed them I was in British Columbia and I would no longer require their non-existent parenting. Since then, I've been bombarded by family on both sides and I've been ignoring all of them.

[00:11:17] Until I got one from my mom apologizing and asking to meet up on Zoom or FaceTime. Mike says it won't be different from the other times. But what if it is? Most of my family has been attacking me using some not so socially acceptable words. Which makes me wonder, am I the asshole? And I probably realized that I've just said Quebec wrong. I think I said Quebec. But Google's telling me Quebec. Like, is that right? You have to let me know on that one.

[00:11:46] And we've seen a lot of golden child stories on these subreddits. And it was interesting that Emma, your older sister, who left as soon as she graduated because of the same reasons. And I kind of wondered if she saw you in the same way that you might see James. Even if it's like a small amount that you was treated in favor of her. I don't know. Just throwing that one out there. It doesn't sound like the case because of the way the story reads. But it did make me think about that. But Vanda said,

[00:12:14] See, the thing that your family doesn't seem to get is that if parents aren't really bad at parenting. The kids don't flee at the earliest opportunity. It isn't even the first time it happened with your crappy parents. Not the asshole. Prof Plum did it says, But what if it is? It won't be. Proof of that is obvious. The fact that your parents immediately spread their version of events to everyone in the family. Getting them all to gang up against you. And since no one has contacted you apologizing.

[00:12:42] It's clear that they still haven't admitted the real truth to anyone. That means they care more about looking like innocent victims to others. Than about your feelings. Or trying to right their wrongs. Personally, I'd send your mom a letter telling her that she failed as a mother to both you and your sister. And that nothing she could say would be worth hearing. She had 19 years worth of chances. And she blew away every one of them. And you don't need someone like that in your life. Send it. And then block everyone in the family who gives you any shit.

[00:13:13] OP did have an update and says, I answered the call. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. Mom made small talk for a while before informing me that she had done a deep dive into Mike. My boyfriend. I'd already known that his family was very well off. But clearly she didn't. As she made it seem like I'd struck gold. She then began to trauma dump about her life since I left. James broke the living room flat screen TV. Dad lost hours at work. Mom had to get a part time job.

[00:13:42] I can see where this is going. I felt like she thought I was now a money machine. Like what the fuck? Just for context. Me and Mike are both studying engineering. With James planning on going to med school. I left the call after she asked if I could sponsor her on my dad's trip to visit me. Now Christmas is quickly approaching. And she emailed me James' Christmas list. Like no. I'm not spending that kind of money. $2,000 on that brat.

[00:14:10] Mike pays for almost everything. And he insists he wouldn't mind if I used his credit cards for gifts. But I'd feel terrible. I'm also trying to decide who to spend Christmas with. Thanks everyone. Edit. I've bought James things from his Christmas list before. I stopped once. We stopped spending as much time together due to studying. And he's been an asshole these past couple of years. Machine Lord Zero says not the asshole. Mike was right. They suck. Sending you the Christmas list like that? Nah.

[00:14:40] They're not sorry. King in my mind says yeah. They may not give two shits about OP. But a boyfriend's family's money will always be close to their hearts. Stella Cook says not the asshole. Your parents continue to prioritize your brother and their needs over yours. Their absence at your graduation and their self-centered response to your moves show their lack of support. Which means you are not obligated to fund their visits or buy James expensive gifts. Curious one says welp.

[00:15:08] You've been upgraded from ignorable annoyance to family at the moment. Still not the asshole. Let us know if James sends you a gift. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's have another story. Now this story is titled Am I the arsehole for refusing to drive a co-worker female 22 home from work late at night because she said I was creepy.

[00:15:36] So I male 23 work minimum wage late nights as a waiter for wedding functions. I finish work midnights to 2am. Since some of my co-workers are on the way home I offer to drive them home. Most of these co-workers are female around my age whom I get along with. I also have not sure how to exactly pronounce that but AUDHD. Autism slash ADHD. And social anxiety due to my childhood trauma. Won't say what happened but a family member got arrested.

[00:16:04] So I struggle to communicate and give off creepy vibes or uncanny valley vibes because the way I speak sounds very emotionless. And I don't show much facial expressions. I also avoid looking at people in the eye. And I'm not the best looking guy to be honest. Fully horribly in high school and college for my looks. But my ugliness aside I don't give a fuck as I'm asexual. These co-workers however are also neurodivergent and don't find me creepy.

[00:16:30] They aren't put off by my looks and sometimes we hang out by doing karaoke or eating out before work. The problematic co-worker. However there's this other female co-worker in my workplace who recently asked me to drive her home. As she is also on the way to my home. This girl gossips a lot at work with the mean supervisors. Our workplace is very cliquey. She ignores me constantly and when I say hello she rolls her eyes. But suddenly she started being friendly with me.

[00:16:58] And I drove her home along with the other co-workers. They don't like her as well. Anyways I drove her home but she never said thank you. And she frequently complains I parked too far. Which is like a three minute walk from work. I did this numerous times until I overheard her gossiping about me saying that I'm like a creepy incel. I'm hideous. And she wouldn't feel safe alone in a room with her. Basically high school and college all over again. Despite this she still asks me to drive her home. And pretends to be nice to me.

[00:17:26] Sure keep asking me to drive you home. Even though you say I'm creepy and dangerous. I get it. Sticks and stones. But it really rubbed me the wrong way. And I've declined this time. By telling her that I drive her home. By telling her that I drive her home. And she pays in return by gossiping about me at work. So that night she took the public night bus home. And while out overall the city is pretty safe. She told me that she was catcalled on the bus. And that made me feel bad. As she did not have to go through that. She told all her friends at work.

[00:17:56] As well as calling me a petty incel. And they all agreed with her. My neurodivergent friends all defended me saying I did nothing wrong. And that she was guilt tripping me. But I'm still having doubts. As I feel I caused my co-worker trauma. And I don't want to be an incel who hurts women. So am I the arsehole? Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation. People treat you like shit. They don't deserve your help. It's as simple as that. Don't feel bad for doing what you did. You sound like a kind person.

[00:18:25] Who wants to just help others out. When you don't have to. So keep on sticking up for yourself. But plus agent says. Sorry you went through this. Not the arsehole. You're very kind. And you're trying to do something nice for someone who didn't deserve it. This co-worker is just taking advantage of your generosity. While actively bad mouthing you behind your back. Actually pissing me off. Her being catcalled is not your fault in any way. And it's only the fault of people who actually catcalled her.

[00:18:53] You're not an incel. And you should just ignore what she and all her friends are saying about you. Actually crazy. How some people can't even show basic respect to others. Trad says not the arsehole. She said she wouldn't feel safe with you. So you did her a favor of not being in the car with her. Look. You can't just say whatever you want about people. And still expect them to do us favors. If she really hates public transport so much. Talking shit about the guy who gives people rides is especially stupid of her.

[00:19:22] But it doesn't obligate you to act as a personal chauffeur and doormat. She can ask a friend for help. She can pay for a car. She can get a job. But doesn't take her home at 2am. She can figure something out. That's her business. You don't owe her jack. Early issue says you are not the arsehole. She is. She is gossiping behind your back. Saying nasty things and now trying to guilt trip you when she had to take the public transport home. If she doesn't like to travel by bus. She can buy her own car. Please don't feel guilty at all.

[00:19:51] You did nothing wrong. More than that. You maybe even dodged the bullet. What if she spread rumors that you did something to her while alone in your car? I would ignore her. She got what she was asking for. And the comments pretty much just kept on with that along that path. You know, just good on you for sticking up for yourself in that situation. Though sometimes it can be difficult for people. But don't take shit from people like that. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:20] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It absolutely means the world to me. So thank you so, so much for being involved. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.