My Boyfriend's "Habits" Are GROSS But He Says I'm Overreacting r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account and it has a warning on it and you know I haven't read this one as yet but take the warning as you want, skip it if you want. It says gross body stuff. You know so possibly if you're eating or something you might want to skip this for now. It says my 23 female boyfriend, 25 male of one year is starting to gross me out and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. And there comes an update which was nine years later.

[00:00:48] Hello Reddit, this is really awkward and embarrassing to share but I can't think of anywhere else to get advice. I've been dating James for just over a year. We have a really good relationship and we are good with communicating any issues that we have come to. I'm very much in love with him and we are happy. Now maybe he is very comfortable with me now which I know is a good thing but I'm very frustrated and I don't know if it's just me. This is the only issue I have with him. He's just constantly farting at me.

[00:01:18] And burping and burping and is starting to really gross me out. I feel stupid to even type that but it's really become excessive. We have both graduated from school and work full time. We do not live together but he is starting to move into my apartment. This started about five months into our relationship and it has gotten progressively worse. He will burp constantly and blow it into my face.

[00:01:42] To the point where I will start dry heaving because he thinks it's funny. He does the same thing with farting. Always trying to do it on me because he thinks it's hilarious. I know it's normal. I grew up with four brothers but he is constantly forcing it to happen. This is not once or twice. We have spent almost every night together for the past six months and it will happen all night. All night.

[00:02:05] I have asked him to please stop because I find it really gross. Especially the burping because he will do it in my face and it turns my stomach and he will apologize but still continue to do it. Or lean for a kiss and burp in my face instead. Ah no. Ah no no no no. Then laugh himself to a point of tears when I act disgusted. I thought maybe at first he was just really gassy and I should be more understanding because it's a natural bodily function.

[00:02:32] He does not do this when we're out to dinner or roll with friends. A few months ago we went to a wedding together with some members of his family and he accidentally burped really loud like he normally does when he's alone with me. And our table went really silent and glared at him. I didn't want him to be embarrassed so I high-fived him and said good one. And the whole table started laughing and cheering and afterwards he pulled me aside and said he was thankful I did so as he was humiliated. But I broke the ice.

[00:03:01] I was a bit drunk and frustrated so I asked him why does it to me constantly? But he wouldn't do it in front of other people. His reasoning is that I am his girlfriend and he should be able to play around with me like that. That I was being a typical girl for finding it rude, uptight, high maintenance. I didn't want to argue about it so I told him I was none of these things and he knew it. Cut the bullshit. We'll talk about it later when we're sober and just have a fun time at the party for now.

[00:03:29] And we did but it never changes. I've tried to make plans to be out of the house when we see each other because even though it seems ridiculous it's starting to stress me out. I can't talk to any of my friends about it because they think it's so funny. He's a very sweet guy. I like spending time with him but I feel nauseous when we're alone together because it's just so gross. He's starting to work longer shifts so he wants to stay in most nights to relax.

[00:03:55] He started doing it during sex as a joke and our sex life has really suffered because of it. A few nights ago he was texting me before he got off of work complaining about his day. He seemed really stressed out so I told him I would come over and make his favorite and not make him forget about it. So I went over to his house and started cooking until he was off. After dinner he leaned in to kiss me and I turned my head because I'm so used to him burping in my face. We had an argument because he was accusing me of cheating.

[00:04:25] We haven't been having sex. I told him it was because of the burping and he said I needed to get over it. That he was only joking and I was being such a prude. That his girlfriend shouldn't reject a kiss from him yada yada. I told him that I've been saying this is a problem for a while. I don't think it's funny at all. I've thrown up because of it. He started to laugh as I said that. I just kind of lost it. I didn't really yell at people. I'm calm and I'm a calm and collected person so I scared him a bit.

[00:04:54] I told him it was disgusting. I'm getting to the point where I'm no longer attracted to him. That I've been trying so hard to be understanding but it's a two way street. It wasn't to me about something being gross or funny anymore. It was about respect. He got kind of defensive. Trying to throw in how I was overreacting. Being ridiculous. But I shut it down and he apologized because he apparently didn't know I felt so strongly about it. He would try not to do it anymore. At all. I don't care that it happens.

[00:05:22] I only care that he forces it etc. Now having talked it out for the next couple of hours he actually didn't try to burp in my face or fart on me. I was so happy I could actually enjoy cuddling my boyfriend without trying not to vomit. So I started unzipping his pants to make him forget about his bad day. You already know where this is going. It's humiliating. But I'm gonna type it out anyway. As I was trying to blow him he pushed my head down so I couldn't get away and tensed up and started farting loudly or laughing.

[00:05:52] I was so frustrated I started crying immediately. I think he realized he did something wrong because he let go of my head and tried to hold me and he kept saying I'm sorry I thought you meant do it less. I thought it was gonna be funny. To break the tension from before. I got up and left his apartment. That was two days ago. He's tried calling me. Texting me constantly. I've not responded. His messages range from being very apologetic to very angry back and forth. I don't know what to do.

[00:06:21] And I feel like this relationship is over but I still love him. I feel also really gross and violated in a way. Our mutual friends have been texting me as well asking if everything is okay. And I've tried explaining the situation to my best friend but he found it hilarious. So I'm afraid to explain it to anyone else. This is just so stupid. I literally feel like I'm crazy. I am uptight etc. I have a lot of his stuff over here that belongs to him. And I'm worried he will come back to get it.

[00:06:51] And I have to face him. What should I do? Am I overreacting? The top commenter said on this one. Fuck that. I grew up with three brothers and I wouldn't put up with this from a boyfriend either. Tell him when you do this it reminds me of growing up with my brothers. And you're starting to be about as attractive as a brother. As in I'm not attracted to you because of this. Stop it immediately. Or I'm gonna stop this relationship immediately. You are seriously crossing my boundaries and that is not okay anymore. If he can't pick up on the fact that you were serious after that talk.

[00:07:21] Dump him. Because he's about as mature as a two year old. Opie says that's how I feel. Like he's one of my brothers. I tried telling him this but I don't think he was taking me seriously. Thank you for your reply. Because I suppose it really is a boundary. And that's why I've been so upset about it. And kind of invalidating my own feelings. And believing and being kind of ridiculous. Bloobity says good god. Just good god. After you literally screamed at him about it like a few hours ago. He thought it would be funny.

[00:07:50] Can you even picture being naked with him without gagging. Also the whole kind of thing is hilarious. In the I can't believe in how a real grown ass person behaved. You've got to be making this up kind of way. Opie says to be fair. He did text me saying he thought it was only the burping thing that I didn't like much. Because it was what caused the fight. And that's why he thought it would be funny. But I haven't replied because I know I mentioned it as well. Dream Queen says. Why would anyone think burping in her face makes her mad? I know. A fart in her face.

[00:08:20] That a charmer pants off. No no no. That is just fucking grim. And I grew up with three brothers too. And there was farting shenanigans etc. The occasional crop dusting. It never went to that level. That is just awful. And he knows how wrong it is. He knows how grim that is. He won't do it in front of friends and family or anyone else. Other than you. Because he knows how wrong it is. And it feels very like sort of power and control-y.

[00:08:49] That he's almost testing Opie to see how much she'll accept. While making her think. You know gaslighting her into thinking that she's the one overreacting. I would be done with that immediately. But Opie comes in with her first update. And says thank you for everyone who replied to my original post. And also those who PM'd me. I wasn't really expecting as much support. But I'm glad that I'm not alone. Last night I was pretty miserable. And just felt confused and sick about the whole thing. It really helped me deal with what I was feeling.

[00:09:19] And rationalize. Reading what everyone had written. I just want to clear a few things up. Before I get into how this is climaxed for me. My boyfriend did not start out doing this constantly. I was confused and told him right away. I did not like it. Calmly. And he seemed to understand. I've never laughed when he did it purposely. I know the difference between an accident and what he does. A lot of the replies helped me examine my relationship as a whole. We have had other problems that seem to fit the same pattern.

[00:09:48] He's had the same behavior with driving very fast for fun. And he had the same issue with playfully pinching and tickling. But he was doing it so hard it would leave bruises. I always expressed that I did not like this. But he was insistent that I was overreacting. And I showed him he was actually hurting me. He stopped completely and never did it since. I didn't think it was an important thing to bring up. I think it's a bit harsh to call him abusive. Because he respected that boundary. I know a lot of people were suggesting that I do the same thing to him.

[00:10:18] Or retaliate in the same way. And it might sound nice to entertain that fantasy. But I'm really not like that. I will never let someone else's actions define who I am as a person. I know I will never try to intentionally hurt someone. And that makes me have faith in myself. A few of you made me really cry. Because before I wrote the post. I was completely unsupported. And I felt alone. And well, really ridiculous and dumb. So thank you very much for taking the time to help me. Though I'm a stranger. And none of you owe me anything.

[00:10:47] Let alone your time and kindness. Thank you. On Booking.com bookst du dein Ferienhaus ganz einfach. Und da es keine versteckten Gebühren gibt, passiert das hier nicht mehr. Leute, hab eine Villa gefunden. Ich buche. Warte, warte, warte. Zusätzliche Gebühren? Bei uns gibt's keine versteckten Gebühren. So geht's problemlos von zu Hause ins Ferienhaus.

[00:11:15] Auf Booking.com findest du dein Ferienhaus ganz einfach. Booking.com, Booking.yeah. Now on to today. I have not replied to any of James' messages. I blocked him on all devices. I feel like I basically told him it was over. And he knew that. I have messaged a few of our mutual friends back. Saying that I would have really appreciated if they would just drop it. That everything is okay with me. But the relationship is over between us.

[00:11:45] A post said I didn't have to explain the situation completely. So I did that. They seemed very understanding. Except one replied saying. Over a one time incident. Get real lol. But whatever. So as long as you're happy. It didn't really bother me. Because I know the truth. It was hurtful that James may have lied. But I'd rather surround myself with people who value honesty. I also invited my best friend over and asked him. If he could help me box all of James' belongings. To which he agreed right away.

[00:12:15] He kept asking me what happened. And if I was okay. So I showed him this post. And he was disgusted. He apologized for laughing when I had tried to tell him earlier. Because he said he didn't know it was so serious. He offered to take James' belongings to him. But I made him promise to not be hostile. Or I'd ask someone else. He agreed. We spent a lot of the day in my apartment. When the front door opened. It's hard for me to articulate myself. But I tried to type exactly as it happened. We both heard it. And stopped talking immediately.

[00:12:45] It was James. I'm not going to lie. I was immediately frightened. And maybe I could have handled it better. But I kind of just stood there. I just didn't expect to see him. He's never showed up at my home or work without warning. My friend asked him. What the fuck he thinks he was doing here? James kept staring at me. And ignored him saying. I thought you were dead or something. Why have you been ignoring me? My friend stepped in front of him. And handed him one of the boxes. And told him. He could take his stuff and leave. But it was over. And I didn't want to talk to him.

[00:13:15] James laughed. And made a move towards me. And said. I needed to talk to him alone. But my friend moved in front of him. And told him. That he shouldn't be in my house uninvited. That it was illegal. And he was going to call the police. Then James got really mad. And twisted his face all weird. And I can't explain it. But he started yelling. And it was like. He wasn't the same person at all. He called me a slur. And a see you next Tuesday. And said I was some ridiculous princess. And he just kept going. My friend telling him. That's nice. Now you need to leave.

[00:13:45] Or I'm going to make you. And then James threw down his box. And punched my friend in the face. I don't remember exactly. But my friend fell back. And James came up to me. And he grabbed me. And started shaking me. Saying I was stupid for throwing this all away. And I was probably sleeping with my friend. I was very afraid. And I couldn't believe this was happening. My friend got up. And grabbed him by the back of his shirt. And threw him off me. And shoved him out of my apartment. James ran away down the hall. Kicking people's doors. And screaming.

[00:14:14] My neighbor had come out of his apartment. And asked what was going on. And I told him to call the ambulance. Because my friend was bleeding from his nose. I was so embarrassed. At the hospital I kept embarrassing myself. Crying and apologizing to my friend. While we're in the waiting room. His nose is broken. He keeps making Owen Wilson jokes and impressions. But he's okay. Now I'm at my friend's house. Because I'm afraid to go home. He said I can stay with him for as long as I need to. I feel really awful that my friend got his nose broken.

[00:14:43] Because I was a bad judge of character. I also feel really guilty that I got so scared. I just kind of stood there. And let my friend get hurt. My friend has taken me to the police station to file a report. But I just want this whole thing to be over. But he is being insistent. Because I need to do this to ensure my safety. This is my first relationship. And I don't even know if this person was real. I didn't think this was even possible to happen. I don't understand what I missed. And I feel like I'm vibrating inside. Because of how frightened I am.

[00:15:13] I want to go home to my apartment. But I'm afraid he will come back. The way my head does this does not make any sense. I feel ashamed even writing all of this. Because it was from something so small and juvenile. So I don't know if I'm just handling it weird. Or my head is blowing it completely out of proportion. How do I proceed now? After I file a report. Has anyone been in the same situation before? How do people hide that kind of anger for over a year? Why did this happen? I'm sorry for the questions. But I just can't make sense of my own thoughts right now.

[00:15:43] So a downvoted commenter asked OP a question. First they quoted OP. Quoted the section that said. I've not replied to any of James' messages. I blocked him on all devices. I feel like I basically told him it was over. And he knew that. I've messaged a few of our mutual friends back. Saying that I'd really appreciate it if they would just drop it. That everything is okay with me. But the relationship is over between us. And quoted again saying. James kept staring at me. And ignored him saying. I thought you were dead or something. Why have you been ignoring me? And then says. I'm sorry. But this is unclear.

[00:16:11] You actually did tell James that the relationship was over right? While his reaction was obviously negative. I can see why it would have been overblown. If he finds that. He's been dumped by having his girl's friend. Hand him a box of his crap. And tell him to leave his girl's house. OP says. I did not explicitly say it was over. But when I yelled at him. Before the blowjob incident. And I told him I could not handle him doing it to me anymore. But in this text. Between apologies. He said things like. Have a nice life. You're not going to be hearing from me again. And that he was done with the whole thing.

[00:16:41] And me being ridiculous. I can see what you mean. And that's what I'm worried about. From his point of view. Maybe he didn't really mean to act like that at all. And OP added one more comment. That said. This was my first relationship. So I wasn't really sure. I guess I didn't have anything to compare it to. To be like. Hmm. This isn't quite right. And in that way. I suppose I couldn't trust how I felt about it. But he has had quite a few other girlfriends. I guess my mistake was telling myself. That he obviously knows better than I do.

[00:17:10] Because he is dated prior to me. I don't know why it seems still alien for me. To think of this as abuse. Especially since he can't defend himself. But I know what you are saying. Thank you for your reply. I will take things you said to heart. And really take this time to look into myself. So I can have healthier relationships. And be a healthier person. And nine years later. OP came in with an update. Nine years. And said. Things are great. Thank you for your kind words.

[00:17:39] It's been a trip reading a post I made a decade ago. A friend of mine actually sent this to me. Because it reminded them of an anecdote I shared with them a few years ago. Lo and behold. It was my own words. Rereading it. Has been a bit harrowing to say the least. But the mindset I had back then was completely different. I was a very meek person. And my brothers treated me the same way. In my own family dynamic. Obviously not with the sexual stuff. But being able to do things that bothered me. Or hurt me. And I wasn't allowed to complain.

[00:18:08] So it was normalized for me. To answer your question. No. My best friend and I did not end up together. We're still very close. But our relationship has always been platonic. I actually helped him with an ex a few years after this. Though it consisted of less bodily functions. My gross ex. After this. And despite pressing charges. He did try to harass me for a while. Almost a year. If I recall correctly. I think he just liked the feeling of making me miserable. And couldn't let go or comprehend.

[00:18:36] How I was so thoroughly under his finger. But ended up pushing back. So it was hard for him to relinquish that. Not of me as a person. But of that feeling of control. But for the first time in my life. Instead of shutting down. I was actually angry. Mostly on behalf of my best friend for being hurt. I knew my friend did not deserve to be attacked like that. I did end up focusing on myself. And I went to therapy. Both relationship and other factors. Family etc. So I could be a healthier person.

[00:19:06] As I said in my last comment on that post. I didn't date anyone for a while after. And focused mostly on building friendships. And self reflection. There are a lot of red flags I missed. Besides the other ones I mentioned in this post. Like how he aggressively pursued me. Sexual things despite my inexperience etc. But hindsight is indeed. 2020. Wow. And that certainly escalated. And it revealed his true self in the end. Didn't he? With his boundary violations. And his control.

[00:19:35] And doing all that wild stuff. While gaslighting OP. Into making her think that she was uptight. For not wanting to be treated like that. And the way he exploded. When she finally stood up for herself. Going into her apartment. Assaulting her friend. Screaming abuse. You know. Again. It just showed his true nature. He's simply an abuser. Who enjoyed making her uncomfortable. And miserable. For his own satisfaction. But let's briefly talk about OP as well. Who through therapy.

[00:20:04] Recognized. How her own family dynamic. Had normalized the abuse. And it made her particularly vulnerable. To his behavior. And I really love it. When people come back into post. Not that. Not that. They went through all that stuff. But they come back into post. And they can't recognize their old selves. Because they've changed in such a positive way. I think that is absolutely amazing. So. Good on you OP. But what do you guys make of this situation? Holy moly.

[00:20:34] Let us know your thoughts down. In the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love. Your support. Your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much. And hopefully. I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.

[00:21:17] Manchmal habe ich das Gefühl, meine Tage und Nächte sind auf den Kopf gestellt, weil ich Schwierigkeiten habe, nachts zu schlafen und tagsüber wach zu bleiben. Ich leide unter 924, einer seltenen Schlaf-Wach-Rhythmus-Störung, die viele völlig blinde Menschen betrifft. Möchtest du mehr über diese Erkrankung in Verbindung mit völliger Erblindung erfahren? Rufe kostenfrei an unter 0800 24 24 008.