My Boyfriends Friend Just Propositioned Me Before He Gets Married r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider in the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now, today's first story comes from FlakyPeace3686 and says, Would I be the arsehole if I told my boyfriend that his friend wants to sleep with me before he gets married?

[00:00:31] Background. I'm a 25 year old woman and I have a 27 year old uncle, Jimmy. When I was 19, I moved to a town for college where my uncle lives with our older uncle. Jimmy introduced me to his childhood friends, Chad and Jafar, who were both in their senior year at university. We all became close and they would often invite me out for fun. Over time, Jafar expressed feelings for me and repeatedly asked me out over the next two years. But I consistently turned them down.

[00:01:01] I didn't feel the same way. Eventually, I met another one of their childhood friends, Carter, who was working in a different town. We hit it off and after a year of staying in touch, we started dating. When Carter and I became official, I told Jafar about it and though he was initially upset, he eventually moved on and started dating someone else. Now, Jafar is engaged and we're all thrilled for him. Carter even plans to help organize Jafar's bachelor party.

[00:01:29] The issue. A few days ago, while I texted him with Jafar out of nowhere, he told me I had hurt him by not reciprocating his feelings in the past.

[00:01:38] Then shockingly, he said that before he gets married, he would like to de-virgin me. He knows I'm saving myself for marriage.

[00:01:46] He bragged about his sexual prowess, but I declined, explaining that one, he's getting married. Two, I'm dating his best friend Carter. Three, I don't have feelings for him.

[00:01:57] He changed the subject after that, but I stopped responding because I was disgusted.

[00:02:02] Now, I'm torn about whether to tell my boyfriend Carter about this conversation. I fear that it could ruin their friendship and strain my uncle's relationships with them both since they're all close.

[00:02:13] Would I be the arsehole if I told my boyfriend about this?

[00:02:17] Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation. You said that you fear it could ruin their friendship.

[00:02:23] You need to question whose fault is that? Jafar isn't a friend to Carter if he's asking to do this behind his back.

[00:02:29] That's no friend. And eventually, information like this always comes out.

[00:02:33] And if you was to keep it hidden, you know, you'll just be doing yourself a disservice and it's likely to backfire in your face.

[00:02:40] But Dark Knight Sheik says absolutely not the arsehole.

[00:02:44] Jafar had his chance and it's not your responsibility to keep his inappropriate and disrespectful behavior a secret.

[00:02:50] Plus, if he's willing to do this to his own friend, who knows what else he's capable of?

[00:02:55] Your honesty could potentially save someone else from being hurt.

[00:02:58] Opie responded saying Carter has been talking about his plans for Jafar's bachelor party.

[00:03:03] Another reason I find it disgusting.

[00:03:06] Your Fertive Fireball says,

[00:03:07] You're the arsehole for keeping all of this hidden at all.

[00:03:10] You should have told your boyfriend immediately.

[00:03:12] Every day you keep it hidden is a betrayal.

[00:03:15] Opie says I'm scared it might ruin their friendship and my uncle's friendship with him as well.

[00:03:20] Opie added in the comments,

[00:03:21] I will tell both my boyfriend and uncle about it and show them the text.

[00:03:25] Carter gets off work at 6pm.

[00:03:27] That's the only time I can have this conversation with him.

[00:03:30] And also, a little bit of an update after reading all the comments.

[00:03:34] I texted my uncle and told him about it as I was waiting for Carter to get off work.

[00:03:38] And he says he had talked to Jafar and that he can't believe he would do such a thing.

[00:03:43] I'm a chillin' says you need to tell him babe.

[00:03:45] Your boyfriend deserves to know that Jafar is not a friend.

[00:03:48] And his fiance needs to know what a disgusting pig he is before she marries him.

[00:03:53] Not the arsehole and please update us.

[00:03:55] Tell him babe.

[00:03:56] Opie says I will talk to Carter after he gets off work and update you then.

[00:04:00] But I've told my uncle about it.

[00:04:02] And he just told me he'll confront Jafar about it.

[00:04:05] Only main says not the arsehole.

[00:04:07] Show both your uncle and your boyfriend.

[00:04:09] They both need to know.

[00:04:10] If I were your uncle, I'd not want to be friends with someone who talks to my relative like that.

[00:04:16] ETA or speak and behave to anyone like that to be honest.

[00:04:19] Both of them should want to cut contact.

[00:04:21] And they should be working out how to tell the fiance too.

[00:04:24] She deserves better.

[00:04:26] Opie says I haven't officially met his fiance but the guys have.

[00:04:30] So I'd be in a better position to tell her about it.

[00:04:32] So Opie did update the post and they said I told Carter about what happened and showed him the text.

[00:04:37] He was furious and couldn't believe that his best friend would do such a thing.

[00:04:41] But he was glad that I told him.

[00:04:43] Carter confronted Jafar who initially denied everything until he was shown the screenshots.

[00:04:48] It turns out Jafar had deleted the messages from his phone.

[00:04:52] My uncle sent the screenshots to Jafar's fiance and she has decided to cancel the engagement and wedding.

[00:04:57] When she confronted Jafar, he tried to deny it again.

[00:05:00] However, she told my uncle that she discovered he'd been cheating on her after going through his phone.

[00:05:05] Apparently, Jafar wanted to have fun one last time before being tied down.

[00:05:10] As of now, we're all going no contact with Jafar.

[00:05:13] Thank you everyone for your advice.

[00:05:16] It's the whole thought process in this from Jafar.

[00:05:20] Like he's going to ask her to...

[00:05:22] I'm not even going to repeat what he said because that is just like wanting to make me chuck up just thinking about it.

[00:05:27] The way he worded it and bragging about his sexual prowess.

[00:05:31] Oh dear me.

[00:05:33] But to message OP like knowing that there was nothing there before.

[00:05:38] She turned you down before.

[00:05:40] She's never had feelings for you.

[00:05:42] And think this is all just going to stay hidden away.

[00:05:45] And even though you're just about to get married.

[00:05:47] It's just like such a gamble on his part.

[00:05:50] It's so weird.

[00:05:51] Obviously, I'm glad the information got out to protect his ex-fiance.

[00:05:56] So she can get out of that situation as well.

[00:05:58] Holy moly.

[00:05:59] Anyway, now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:06:02] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:06:05] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:06:07] Let's move on to another story.

[00:06:10] Now, our next story comes from the Am I the Asshole subreddit from Wise Spender who says,

[00:06:15] Am I the Asshole for ruining my friend's vacation?

[00:06:19] I, female 38, just got back from a vacation with two of my longtime friends.

[00:06:25] Kate, female 40, and Mary, female 38.

[00:06:29] I've known them both since university and we've always been close.

[00:06:33] The three of us have been planning this Bali trip for a few months,

[00:06:36] along with our husbands and their kids.

[00:06:39] They both have children under five.

[00:06:42] While my husband Jake, male 45, and I are child free,

[00:06:45] we agreed to split the cost of a four-bedroom villa three ways.

[00:06:49] And everything seemed fine at first.

[00:06:51] Jake and I arrived in Bali earlier than the rest of the group because we had different flights.

[00:06:56] Once we got to the villa, we waited to choose rooms with our friends and

[00:06:59] didn't mind when they both chose the ones with en suites.

[00:07:03] We had a great time during the trip.

[00:07:05] Jake and I did some couples activities, massages, hiking, dinners,

[00:07:10] but we also spent time with Kate and Mary and their families whenever it worked for everyone.

[00:07:15] To be nice, I even surprised them with massages to give them a break.

[00:07:19] The only thing that made me uncomfortable was that whenever I ordered a drink,

[00:07:23] a cocktail before dinner, or a glass of wine with meals,

[00:07:27] I'd get comments like,

[00:07:28] Oh, you're drinking again.

[00:07:30] For context, I'm a social drinker and don't drink often.

[00:07:34] But we're on vacation and I didn't think it was a big deal,

[00:07:37] especially since our husbands were drinking too.

[00:07:40] I just ignored the comments so I could enjoy the trip.

[00:07:43] On the last night, Jake and I made plans for the guys to go out

[00:07:47] and Kate and Mary said they were staying in to pack.

[00:07:50] Jake convinced me to join them.

[00:07:52] And since it was the last night of our vacation,

[00:07:55] I didn't want to stay in either.

[00:07:56] We went out and had a great time.

[00:07:59] We got home at 1am and I passed out straight after.

[00:08:02] The next morning was a bit chaotic with everyone packing and checking out,

[00:08:06] but we all made it back home without issue.

[00:08:08] We'd booked business class seats back so

[00:08:10] we were separated during the flight and said quick goodbyes at the airport.

[00:08:14] A week after returning home,

[00:08:15] I got a long text from Kate saying that both she and Mary wanted to reduce contact with me

[00:08:20] because I had ruined their vacation.

[00:08:22] They mentioned several things, like me drinking every night,

[00:08:26] that I wasn't acting like a girl's girl,

[00:08:28] that I booked different flights, didn't hang out with them enough,

[00:08:31] and that I was selfish for not helping with their kids.

[00:08:34] She even said I was just focused on partying and not acting my age.

[00:08:38] This message really hurt me.

[00:08:40] I cried after reading it and I honestly don't know what to think.

[00:08:47] I thought I was just enjoying my vacation, but clearly they had a very different view.

[00:08:52] I haven't responded yet and my husband has been asking what's bothering me,

[00:08:56] but I don't know what to say.

[00:08:58] Am I the asshole for how I acted during the trip?

[00:09:02] Four hours later, OP came in to add an additional part to their post and said,

[00:09:06] Thank you Reddit for all your kind words and support.

[00:09:09] Reading through the responses and seeing how many of you were upset on my behalf

[00:09:13] has made me reflect on how I initially planned to handle things.

[00:09:16] I was going to apologize, thinking it might be the easiest way to keep the peace,

[00:09:20] but now I realize that might not be the right approach after all.

[00:09:24] I've also showed my husband Jake this post in the text message,

[00:09:28] and he told me to thank you for looking out for me.

[00:09:31] He's actually pretty angry on my behalf about the text message,

[00:09:34] and I showed him some of the comments that gave me insight on how my friends may have been feeling,

[00:09:39] which has given us both a lot to think about.

[00:09:42] He asked me what I wanted to do next, and if I wanted him to respond to my friends for me.

[00:09:47] While I appreciated the offer, I told him I'm still thinking it over.

[00:09:51] He reassured me that he's here for me no matter what,

[00:09:54] and if I decide I want him to step in, he'd be ready to say something on my behalf.

[00:09:58] But now, I'm going to sleep on it and take some time before I respond or don't respond to the text message.

[00:10:04] If I do, I'll post an update.

[00:10:07] Again, thank you for all helping me see things a bit more clearly.

[00:10:10] I feel less alone in this.

[00:10:30] You can find out on the next day.

[00:10:32] You can find out on the next day.

[00:10:32] We're on the next day.

[00:10:34] You can find out on the next day.

[00:10:34] Aldi.

[00:10:36] Gutes for all.

[00:10:37] Not not by Aldi Talk?

[00:10:39] Bis 15.12.

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[00:10:57] Noch heute in der Allianz Agentur in deiner Nähe ein Angebot einholen und für zwei Jahre Preisgarantie erhalten.

[00:11:03] Allianz.

[00:11:04] Da für dein Leben.

[00:11:29] Saying that you're not a girl's girl yet.

[00:11:31] You went out of your way to book them massages, which I assume and you had their kids while they were having them.

[00:11:36] You was kind enough to not pick a room.

[00:11:38] You thought about their thoughts and feelings and their needs.

[00:11:42] You spent time with them and their children.

[00:11:45] The entitlement from them is off the scale for me.

[00:11:49] If they really wanted some time alone to go out for a walk solo or something, they could have approached you.

[00:11:54] They could have talked to you.

[00:11:55] They said, oh, would you be able to watch our kids for an hour?

[00:11:57] Not that OP should, but you know, there was the opportunity to do that rather than waiting to get home and then send a massive text message about how OP's ruin the vacation.

[00:12:08] Absolutely not the asshole from me.

[00:12:10] A commenter says to OP, not the asshole.

[00:12:12] They are 100% jealous.

[00:12:13] There's a stage in life where child-free people do better hanging out with other child-free people.

[00:12:19] People with kids can't see past their family lives and don't understand why you might want to live your life.

[00:12:25] I've been that soldier.

[00:12:27] Whatever about meeting for coffee, lunch and dinner.

[00:12:29] Whatever about meeting for coffee, lunch and dinner.

[00:12:33] Traveling with them is an absolute no.

[00:12:35] OP says, I think you're right.

[00:12:37] I shouldn't have gone on the trip and personally I don't remember them being so judgmental.

[00:12:42] Thank you.

[00:12:42] Someone says to tell your husband.

[00:12:44] OP says, I was going to but was worried that he might want to talk to their husbands.

[00:12:49] I'm very non-confrontational and was thinking about just apologizing.

[00:12:53] Thank you.

[00:12:53] I will tell him.

[00:12:55] Someone says to OP, get a grip of yourself.

[00:12:58] Apologize for what?

[00:12:59] OP says, lol.

[00:13:00] Given the responses, I don't think I will be apologizing.

[00:13:03] I've realized that they actually owe me an apology.

[00:13:07] A commenter which was downvoted says,

[00:13:09] It does seem a bit weird to me that these are your friends of 15-ish years and yet you chose to spend time with them only when it was a group activity.

[00:13:18] It would make more sense to me that you would want to spend time with them, go out the three of you and leave the men behind.

[00:13:24] Or you stay behind when the men went out.

[00:13:26] You surprised them with massages.

[00:13:28] Did you arrange it for the three of you or did you just send them off with their husbands?

[00:13:33] Did you babysit?

[00:13:34] You booked separate flights.

[00:13:36] OP said,

[00:13:50] A commenter says to OP,

[00:13:55] Oopie,

[00:13:55] Are they breastfeeding and can't drink?

[00:13:57] Did they expect you to only hang out with them the whole time?

[00:14:00] OP says,

[00:14:01] No, they aren't breastfeeding.

[00:14:03] They just aren't drinkers.

[00:14:04] To be fair, I'm not a huge drinker myself.

[00:14:06] I think they were just looking for us to have more time together.

[00:14:10] Someone says,

[00:14:11] What were their husbands doing to help with the kids?

[00:14:14] You said the husbands were drinking and you would have a drink too.

[00:14:17] Were the husbands doing 50% of the childcare?

[00:14:20] OP says,

[00:14:21] No, my friends were doing the childcare primarily.

[00:14:24] From what I observed.

[00:14:25] Someone questions on how much OP drinks.

[00:14:28] And they says,

[00:14:29] I passed out in my bed after a night out in heels.

[00:14:31] We were out at the bar until 1am and I was exhausted.

[00:14:34] Only drink as much as I can handle.

[00:14:36] 4 to 5 cocktails is my max.

[00:14:39] As a woman in her late 30s,

[00:14:40] I have bad hangovers so I don't drink within reason.

[00:14:43] My husband on the other hand drinks a lot more than I can handle.

[00:14:46] So, a couple of days later,

[00:14:49] OP comes in with their update.

[00:14:51] And they say,

[00:14:51] Piggy back in off the top comment because there's an issue with posting an update.

[00:14:55] But here's what happened.

[00:14:56] I spoke with Mary on text.

[00:14:58] She said she agreed on most part that they both have a problem with me for ages

[00:15:02] because I invited them to or only organized adult-only events

[00:15:06] and nothing family-friendly, which isn't true.

[00:15:09] I was the one who organized her baby shower.

[00:15:12] I added both of my ex's friends to a group chat to discuss my feelings.

[00:15:16] Throughout the interaction,

[00:15:18] no apology for their passive-aggressive comments

[00:15:20] or even acknowledgement that I tried to be accommodating.

[00:15:23] I gave them better rooms, organized massages,

[00:15:26] kept our shared space organized,

[00:15:28] made all the dinner reservations,

[00:15:30] helped prep snacks,

[00:15:31] got gifts for them and the kids.

[00:15:33] Mary just said that she's sorry it's come to this

[00:15:35] and Kate just ignored me.

[00:15:37] I was so disappointed in these women who I thought were my friends.

[00:15:41] I blocked them and unfollowed them on social media.

[00:15:44] I'm going to share this Reddit post with our mutual friends who want the tea.

[00:15:49] Oh Jake about it.

[00:15:50] He just said good riddance.

[00:15:52] I'm going to Japan next March and Fiji in December for a wedding.

[00:15:55] I'll be posting on social media with a caption.

[00:15:58] Finally, a real vacation.

[00:16:00] Ooh, spicy.

[00:16:02] Thank you to the person who suggested it.

[00:16:05] And a commenter said to OP on this one,

[00:16:07] Out of curiosity,

[00:16:08] what did your mutual friends think about this?

[00:16:10] P.S. You are not the arsehole.

[00:16:13] OP says,

[00:16:13] I spoke to a few others and they kind of mentioned that they knew

[00:16:16] and they also got some comments on other stuff in the past.

[00:16:19] So they were including these two for my sake.

[00:16:21] I think I'll be fine on the friendship front.

[00:16:23] The way Jake acted about this,

[00:16:25] OP's partner,

[00:16:26] I suspect he's seen this coming for a little while.

[00:16:30] They just turned around and said good riddance.

[00:16:32] It just felt like that way to me.

[00:16:34] Maybe he didn't,

[00:16:35] but you know,

[00:16:36] in my mind he did.

[00:16:37] I find it so sad that,

[00:16:39] you know,

[00:16:40] you act like that to a friend who's child free,

[00:16:43] just because they're out living their life being child free.

[00:16:46] You can be a little bit envious,

[00:16:48] sure that they're going out and having a good time,

[00:16:50] but to take it out on them,

[00:16:51] it's just bizarre.

[00:16:52] And it just felt like this was,

[00:16:54] this has been coming for a while.

[00:16:56] But now,

[00:16:57] what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:17:00] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:17:03] And let's move on to another story.

[00:17:06] Now,

[00:17:07] our next story is from our very own subreddit,

[00:17:10] r slash mark narrations.

[00:17:12] Feel free to get involved if you have your own story,

[00:17:14] of course.

[00:17:14] And this one does come with an update too.

[00:17:17] A little bit of workplace drama from toilet confession.

[00:17:20] I'm going to shout a warning without even reading the story,

[00:17:23] because it's called toilet confession that,

[00:17:25] you know,

[00:17:26] if you're eating or whatever,

[00:17:28] you might want to skip this story.

[00:17:30] Or if you're not into toilet based stories,

[00:17:32] I'm a child at heart.

[00:17:33] So I love it.

[00:17:36] Anyway,

[00:17:36] I'm I the asshole for blocking a colleague from using our department's toilet.

[00:17:40] My current workplace drama.

[00:17:43] New account,

[00:17:44] so not associated with my main.

[00:17:46] On mobile,

[00:17:47] so apologies for formatting.

[00:17:49] I work in a hospital in an administrative corridor.

[00:17:52] It's in the middle of nowhere in the hospital,

[00:17:55] as in not a lot of foot traffic from staff or patients.

[00:17:58] As a result,

[00:17:59] there is a single toilet on our corridor to cover our five offices.

[00:18:03] The door to the toilet is opposite my office door.

[00:18:06] We all go on break and lunch together 90% of the time,

[00:18:09] leaving the corridor empty for 30 to 50 minutes.

[00:18:12] We started noticing every now and then that someone was using the toilet while we were out.

[00:18:17] In itself,

[00:18:19] not a problem,

[00:18:19] but the smell and occasional mess wasn't fully flushed or blocked was awful.

[00:18:25] There's no windows.

[00:18:26] There's no way to dissipate the smell.

[00:18:28] An air freshener was irritating.

[00:18:30] Over the last few months has been happening more and more regularly.

[00:18:34] It can be three times a week or twice in one day.

[00:18:37] Sometimes we have no idea who's doing it.

[00:18:39] And there's no pattern to it.

[00:18:42] Also,

[00:18:42] no one really wants to confront the culprits if we did see them.

[00:18:45] So we're just living with it as gross as it is.

[00:18:48] Two weeks ago,

[00:18:49] all but one of us went on a break and a patient wandered into the corridor,

[00:18:53] was acting strangely and blocked a colleague in her office.

[00:18:57] She was pretty shaken up,

[00:18:58] but thankfully we do have panic buttons in our office.

[00:19:01] Afterwards,

[00:19:02] I submitted a request for a lock on the corridor.

[00:19:04] It's one of those key code ones and a bell.

[00:19:07] It's mildly annoying,

[00:19:08] but we get very little traffic outside mail and a few doctors.

[00:19:12] So it's not like we constantly have to let people in.

[00:19:15] It got installed on Wednesday last week and Friday,

[00:19:18] I got an email from one of the medical secretaries who works on a different floor,

[00:19:22] asking for the code to our corridor.

[00:19:24] I responded,

[00:19:25] why would she need it?

[00:19:26] Immediately,

[00:19:27] my phone rings.

[00:19:28] She explained she has bowel issues and that she takes laxatives for.

[00:19:32] And the toilet on our corridor is one of the only single cubicle toilets in the hospital,

[00:19:36] and it has the most privacy,

[00:19:38] so she'll be stuck without it.

[00:19:40] Where I might be the arsehole.

[00:19:42] I told her I was sorry,

[00:19:43] but I didn't think we'd be giving the code to any non-necessary staff and hung up.

[00:19:48] The office is a bit mixed.

[00:19:50] Most are glad we don't have to deal with the stink she leaves behind,

[00:19:53] but one girl thinks we're being needlessly cruel,

[00:19:56] and it's not the reason we have the lock,

[00:19:58] so we shouldn't gatekeep a toilet.

[00:20:00] And one is flip-flopping.

[00:20:01] I do feel bad for her,

[00:20:03] but she's making our work environment seriously unpleasant on a regular basis.

[00:20:09] So,

[00:20:09] am I,

[00:20:11] the arsehole.

[00:20:12] Edits to add,

[00:20:14] it is hospital policy that areas where patient data are held are necessary staff access only.

[00:20:19] So,

[00:20:20] I do not have access to any of the wards,

[00:20:22] but I can access day surgery because it's relevant to my job.

[00:20:25] Her job in no way gives her any reason to be on our corridor.

[00:20:29] So,

[00:20:29] from a data security point of view,

[00:20:30] it doesn't matter that we are both employees.

[00:20:33] Edit 2 had an email from HR yesterday and a brief call with them today.

[00:20:38] They've had a report of bullying.

[00:20:40] They were vague on details,

[00:20:41] but after the call,

[00:20:42] she was so upset,

[00:20:43] she had to go home early.

[00:20:45] It sounds like her manager has pushed for the complaint to be made.

[00:20:48] I didn't bring up the toilet or ask him for the code with HR on the call.

[00:20:51] I just explained that I received an email and a brief call on Friday from someone in that department.

[00:20:57] But to my knowledge,

[00:20:58] this is the extent of our interactions.

[00:21:01] They didn't ask about the contents of the call and I didn't offer any additional information.

[00:21:05] I'm going to speak to my union rep just in case this gets escalated,

[00:21:09] but I'm hoping she won't want to get into it.

[00:21:12] And we can all just move on.

[00:21:14] And we're going to start with Lopsided Beach who says,

[00:21:16] has she never heard of the midway flush?

[00:21:19] Don't wait till the end to send it down.

[00:21:21] Give the plumbing a hand.

[00:21:23] There are other restrooms in the hospital.

[00:21:25] She may be in a multi-stalled restroom instead,

[00:21:28] but that is hardly the end of the universe.

[00:21:30] Sitting across from an overflowed block toilet multiple times a week

[00:21:34] from someone who doesn't even work on your floor.

[00:21:36] Not the arsehole.

[00:21:37] She may have a health issue.

[00:21:39] She works at a hospital and should be able to get some quality help.

[00:21:42] The classic courtesy flush.

[00:21:44] Shh. Curiousy Platform says not the arsehole.

[00:21:47] You also kept the professional with HR from the sounds of it.

[00:21:50] Opie says,

[00:21:50] I kept it intentionally vague with HR because I want the ball to be in her court.

[00:21:55] I'm not going to disclose potentially embarrassing information

[00:21:58] and I'm hoping she chooses not to escalate things.

[00:22:01] But my work have had a history of rug sweeping bullying.

[00:22:03] So with that accusation, it might not be possible.

[00:22:06] Curious replies there and said,

[00:22:07] I would strongly suggest not discussing this with anyone.

[00:22:10] You'll call whether you discuss with your suite mates.

[00:22:13] The good thing is,

[00:22:14] it sounds like the lock installation had nothing to do with a complaining party.

[00:22:18] Opie says,

[00:22:18] It actually didn't occur to me when we got the lock.

[00:22:21] As we didn't know who was doing it.

[00:22:23] It could have been a porter or mailman

[00:22:25] or someone who would still have access to fringe benefit.

[00:22:29] We are way out of the way.

[00:22:31] We can't even be accessed from our floor.

[00:22:33] So I'm surprised she even found our corridor and toilet

[00:22:36] as it's not somewhere you are likely to stumble upon.

[00:22:38] Your Lily Lane says,

[00:22:40] It's tough when workplace amenities become a battleground.

[00:22:43] Privacy is important, but so is consideration for others.

[00:22:46] You're not wrong to prioritize your work environment.

[00:22:49] So Opie came in with her update and said,

[00:22:51] So a few things have happened, so I thought an update.

[00:22:54] An HR meeting scheduled Wednesday last week,

[00:22:56] but they canceled the day before saying the issue had been resolved.

[00:22:59] I still wanted a meeting, but things were manic,

[00:23:02] so we rescheduled for Tuesday this week.

[00:23:05] I was working from home the next two days,

[00:23:07] Thursday and Friday last week,

[00:23:09] due to my youngest being ill.

[00:23:10] I got a text Friday mid-morning from the office saying

[00:23:13] they thought someone had been in and used the toilet while they were on break.

[00:23:17] On Monday, one of the girls had a meeting for their kids' school

[00:23:20] and decided to work through a break and leave early.

[00:23:23] About five minutes after everyone left,

[00:23:25] she heard the door open and saw someone she didn't know.

[00:23:28] As per policy, she challenged her,

[00:23:30] as in asked her who she was, to see her ID and why she was here.

[00:23:34] And she told us she was medical secretary, MS from here on,

[00:23:39] and she had permission to use the bathroom on our corridor.

[00:23:42] When I came back from break, I emailed HR along the lines.

[00:23:46] Regarding the situation with MS,

[00:23:48] I have been made aware that she has been granted access to our department

[00:23:51] in order to use the restroom.

[00:23:53] I would have appreciated being made aware of this decision

[00:23:56] as we leave our personal belongings in the office,

[00:23:58] as we understood it was a secure area,

[00:24:00] with access only for those who need to be there.

[00:24:03] I would also like to know why I wasn't consulted on this decision,

[00:24:06] as manager of the department,

[00:24:07] as I previously had to sign off on security access for other staff members with access.

[00:24:12] I'd be grateful if you could please add these to the discussion points for tomorrow's meeting.

[00:24:16] Well, to say, shit hit the fan,

[00:24:20] after sending the email would be an understatement.

[00:24:23] I was immediately called and asked what this was about.

[00:24:26] Why would MS need to use our bathroom?

[00:24:29] At this point, I forwarded my previous email correspondence

[00:24:32] along with a summary of our phone conversation.

[00:24:35] HR said they would get back to me.

[00:24:37] Turns out her friend's husband's work in the hospital

[00:24:39] and both told about our toilet

[00:24:41] and subsequently gave her the code after I declined to give it to her.

[00:24:44] They didn't say who he is, but implied they were taking this issue seriously.

[00:24:48] But that solves the mystery of how she found out in the first place.

[00:24:52] She no longer has access to our bathroom.

[00:24:54] The code has been reset and we received a site-wide email

[00:24:57] reminding everyone of the importance of security.

[00:25:00] Not giving out access codes and confronting people

[00:25:03] who you believe are in an inappropriate location

[00:25:05] slash not going to areas you have no business in.

[00:25:08] The gossip mill is in full force around the hospital,

[00:25:11] but I'm trying to keep out of it as much as possible.

[00:25:13] I'm just glad we didn't have to deal with it anymore.

[00:25:16] Hopefully that's the end of it.

[00:25:18] It's practically impossible to fire people in the NHS,

[00:25:21] so I doubt there will be serious consequences.

[00:25:24] And I'm just going to read this comment on the back of this one

[00:25:26] from Late Champion who sums it up,

[00:25:28] who says,

[00:25:28] OP is being so professional and keeping things vague,

[00:25:32] but this woman is determined to make her business

[00:25:34] everyone's business.

[00:25:36] Is she that determined to be outed as the phantom shitter?

[00:25:39] I would be mortified.

[00:25:42] I have unpredictable bowel issues

[00:25:44] and would always choose the store furthest from any humans.

[00:25:47] I don't want to smell my shit.

[00:25:49] Why would anyone else?

[00:25:50] It's a hospital.

[00:25:51] She could locate other toilets

[00:25:53] and she can't be that embarrassed about her stinky shits

[00:25:55] when it's become clear it's blocking your toilet.

[00:25:58] She'd be fine in a multi-store bathroom closer to her.

[00:26:02] It's not like she's a considerate shitter.

[00:26:04] And OP summed it up pretty much there for me.

[00:26:07] And the only way I can get it,

[00:26:09] because I was on a bit of a rollercoaster myself

[00:26:10] with different feelings on this one.

[00:26:13] Like initially,

[00:26:14] I feel sorry for anyone who's got bowel issues.

[00:26:16] Got bowel issues myself,

[00:26:18] you know,

[00:26:18] had cameras and to find out what the hell's going on.

[00:26:20] So I haven't worked it out yet,

[00:26:21] but you know,

[00:26:22] it is embarrassing.

[00:26:23] And like that comment said,

[00:26:25] I would choose a toilet furthest from anyone else

[00:26:27] because like they said,

[00:26:28] I don't want people to hear or smell that stuff.

[00:26:32] But then again,

[00:26:33] I lost a bit of empathy

[00:26:34] when she's leaving it like a mess.

[00:26:36] That's just absolutely disgusting.

[00:26:37] And it's rude.

[00:26:39] And OP understood late champions comment.

[00:26:41] They said,

[00:26:41] me too.

[00:26:42] We always assumed it's a combination of we're all out

[00:26:45] and it's a single stall.

[00:26:46] So it's very private,

[00:26:47] which I get.

[00:26:48] I'm definitely not comfortable doing a war crime

[00:26:52] with people sat in the stalls next to me.

[00:26:54] But at the same time,

[00:26:55] I wouldn't be going to use someone's toilet

[00:26:57] where it's going to smell out the whole place

[00:26:59] and ruin someone else's day in the office.

[00:27:02] You know,

[00:27:03] I'm glad that OP just handled it

[00:27:05] like in a professional way that they did.

[00:27:07] I think it was the best course of action

[00:27:08] in this situation.

[00:27:10] I'm surprised that the person who gave her the code

[00:27:13] isn't in big trouble as well.

[00:27:15] That sounds like it was a huge security breach

[00:27:18] from what OP was explaining.

[00:27:19] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:27:22] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:27:25] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:27:28] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:27:31] for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:27:32] Your love,

[00:27:33] your support,

[00:27:33] your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:27:36] So thank you so,

[00:27:36] so much.

[00:27:37] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:27:40] Take care and much love.