My Boyfriend Used My Trauma To Win A Game r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now today's first story comes from DizzyRequirement559 and says, am I the asshole for snapping at my boyfriend after he targeted me in a game? I, female, was playing games with my boyfriend and his friends. We played a game where the goal is to make a controversial prompt that the players of the game will be split on. The more the split is, the more points. Some more background about me. This is important.

[00:00:45] I was adopted by other relatives and have lived with them since I was one. My bio mother is dead and has been for my entire life. I don't remember anything about her. I don't fully remember what the prompt was. It was something about getting money by having to delete the only picture of something you have off your phone. My boyfriend filled in the blank and wrote that the only picture you'd have to delete would be of your birth mum. I immediately said I felt targeted and he told me I was.

[00:01:14] I was not happy and I asked him why he did that in our DMs. He told me he did it because he wanted to win and wanted the split. He said sorry, but he was insistent that he thought it wouldn't be a big deal and I wouldn't be so hurt. He told me he felt awful afterwards and like I'd gotten way too upset. Am I the asshole? I assume the game is something like Cards Against Humanity or one of the Jackbox games, Split the Room, something along those lines.

[00:01:43] But purposely hurting someone to play a game is just not it in my opinion. The fact that it doesn't pop into your head like, am I going to hurt this person by saying that, is wild in itself. But for me, even worse, after he's done this, after he's fucked up and you asked him why he did this and he said he wanted to win, etc. And he said he's sorry, but then said basically that you're overreacting to it.

[00:02:09] And although we did apologise, it was like a sorry but, you know, you got too upset over that. Which is not the case. A commenter says, not the arsehole. He deliberately crossed the line. He threw you under the figurative bus in order to win a silly game. If he doesn't understand that this was the wrong thing to do, maybe you need to rethink him entirely. He told me understands why I thought it was wrong, but at the time he didn't think I would react so badly.

[00:02:34] I know people can do things out of impulse and immediately regret it, but I just wish he had put a little more thought into it before hitting submit. He feels really bad about it though. A commenter says, I don't think you like being used for a win or being the butt of a joke. I wouldn't take it lightly. Either he apologises and promises not to do it again. It shouldn't be hard by the way. Don't let him tell you it's too hard to not make jokes about your late mother. Or he's an arsehole. Not the arsehole.

[00:03:03] I hope he says, I don't mind being the butt of other jokes, but I just felt like it was a little too far. I was just really shocked by it. I don't care about being poked fun at for other things, but this was just too personal. Thank you for showing some empathy. I hope you have a nice day. A commenter which was downvoted says, it's a game. If you don't like being targeted, don't play it. Hope he says, I just think it was wrong to use my trauma against me so he could get a win.

[00:03:31] He hasn't targeted anyone else like that with their own vulnerabilities. And this was the first time he had done something like this. I've played this game many times before without him putting a target on my back. Another downvoted commenter says, you're the arsehole. The game by design is meant to be offensive. And you signed up to play. Not to mention per your own admission, your mother died when you were too young to even remember her. How would you have trauma regarding someone you have zero memory of?

[00:04:00] Ugh, what a bloody perk. Hope he says, I don't want to get into a lot of details. But the way she died could have been avoided and it was a horrific trauma that affected everyone in my family. There is a lot of regret and grief surrounding it. And I'll just say I learned what DV was from a very young age. Also have some empathy. Losing a parent in itself is traumatic. No matter how you lost them. Growing up without my bio mother has left an empty hole and a lifetime of regrets and wonders about what ifs.

[00:04:31] Hope he then replied later to another downvoted comment and says, And I think we can just agree to disagree on how parent loss would affect us. It was a very complicated and messy situation. And the topic of her has never really left my life. I was raised by her own parents who were grieving. And that affected aspects of my upbringing. I really don't think I should have to explain my entire life story to a curious internet stranger. I empathize with you. And I think you should extend a bit more empathy to me.

[00:05:01] Rot Monster says, The thing with games like Cards Against Humanity and Jackbox Party Games, I'm assuming you are playing a game like Split the Room on Jackbox, is that they really are only as fun as the people you play with. And it has a parameter that everyone sets in their own head. I wouldn't necessarily say that anyone is the arsehole here. You're allowed to be offended by something, but also a game like this often encourages offensive responses. It's just a little different because this was done by your boyfriend, arguably the person you trust most in life.

[00:05:31] He expressed that he didn't realize you'd be offended and apologized. I can't tell you how to feel, but it sounds like he recognized things went too far and feels bad about it. Personally, I'd cut him some slack. So OP came in to update the post and says, Before I get into the update, I'd just like to say thank you to all the people who showed sympathy to me in the comments. I really appreciate your kind words. May both sides of your pillow always be cold. Or warm. Whichever you prefer.

[00:06:00] Some people had the assumption that my boyfriend did not have any idea how emotional I was over the topic of my bio mother. That is actually far from the case. We've been dating for two years and he has come with me multiple times to visit her grave. In fact, the thing that made me decide to ask him out in the first place was the compassion and love he showed me when we had a sentimental conversation about it. We've been friends already for a while before we started dating. He knows very well it's a sensitive topic.

[00:06:29] That being said, we talked it out and I talked to him about his behavior. He was very apologetic and he felt really bad. He told me he had intended his statement of you were targeted to be apologetic. But it didn't really come off that way. I talked to him about how it made me feel. He promised to never do it again. And he acknowledged that he crossed the line. He also apologized for unintentionally dismissing my feelings when I confronted him the first time.

[00:06:57] I chose to forgive him because I truly believe he didn't mean to hurt me so bad. Mistakes happen and I could see and hear it in his voice that he was genuinely sorry for hurting me. To those that were worried about me being in an abusive relationship, thank you. But I assure you, I'm fine. I appreciate your sympathies but I'm happy in my relationship and we've chosen to work past this together. And the comments were a bit mixed after this like the original post as well.

[00:07:25] Some people saying that they can't see this ending well. Other people saying that they're glad that they was able to work through it and he was genuinely apologetic about it. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story is from flatad471 from the mitheassholehere subreddit. You may have heard the previous parts elsewhere but there's two new updates on it as well.

[00:07:54] So please use the timestamps if you want to skip certain parts of the story. They're always there. Now it's titled, Would I be the asshole here if I didn't attend my friend's wedding after I wasn't invited to the bachelorette? Hi. So I25female am currently being pushed back and forth with my choice. And I thought the lovely people of Reddit might be able to rein me in. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant and my friends around me have all been very happy and excited for me.

[00:08:23] However, my childhood friend, 25female, let's call her Lisa, stonewalled me since I announced at 8 weeks. I'd assumed it was wedding stress but now I'm second guessing this. In the weekend I was scrolling Instagram and I came across a post where she had thanked everyone for coming to her bachelorette. Photos of the girls and her smiling in the middle and I sort of sat there shocked. At first I tried to be mature and just let it go. But this was a girl I grew up with.

[00:08:52] She was a bridesmaid in my wedding party and I'm an honorary bridesmaid for hers. She's not having a wedding party. In the end I guess hormones took over and I ended up reaching out to her. At first I went, oh looks like fun. And she replied that it was an after a tub of ice cream. And she replied it was. And after a tub of ice cream and a good sob, I reached out and went, hey, sorry to be this person but why wasn't I invited? She immediately messaged me back with a response.

[00:09:21] To be honest, the whole day was centered around drinking. Wineries and heading to town after. And I'm not sure you would have enjoyed being around all of us drunk as fuck. Especially because you're pregnant right now. I get that. An invite would have been nice regardless. But in all honesty, I just wanted to keep it very small. I'm really sorry you feel that way but I don't want to make this a big thing because I've already had a shit week. I tried to respond with, hey, thanks for getting back to me.

[00:09:46] But I'm still upset because the day is about you and I wanted to be there to celebrate you. And then she rung me and just asked me not to make this a big thing once again. And sounded incredibly annoyed. And like the doormat I am, I dropped it. After thinking this over the past few days, I'm feeling very hurt and heartbroken. This was a girl I grew up with and loved and supported through a lot of shit.

[00:10:10] I've helped her plan and prepare a lot of her wedding so to suddenly get iced out like this, I'm feeling a certain way. My husband suggests we don't go and I'm on the edge. So Reddit, would I be the arsehole here if I declined going to a wedding and distancing myself? Complex Storm says, not the arsehole. Her saying don't make this a big thing would piss me off. If you guys are close, then she 100% should have at least invited you.

[00:10:37] The whole it's my wedding and I can invite and do what I want is true. However, that doesn't mean you have no consequence for your decisions. To me, she doesn't consider you as a good of a friend as you may think. Beneficial Year One says, I'm an honorary bridesmaid for her. She's not having a wedding party. And says, what the heck is this? Is it a new fad I haven't heard of or a way to get more partying and gifts from your friends without having them in the wedding? In any case, you would not be the arsehole for ghosting her wedding.

[00:11:07] She deliberately did something that she knew would hurt your feelings and told you not to make a big thing of it. Temporary Tie says, I'd say there's a good chance she's lying about not having a bridal party. And that will be another cruel surprise for OP if she attends. Not the arsehole OP. This friendship might have run its course. That might make you sad because change is hard. But dropping her so you can focus on real friendships will be a win in the long run. So OP updated a day later and said hi.

[00:11:37] I hope this is allowed because you are all so wonderful and helpful. And turns out I got an update sooner than I expected. So I haven't heard from Lisa. That I expected. What I didn't expect is a friend of Lisa to get in touch with me. Let's call her Sarah. I knew of Sarah and spoke to her a few times at events we attended together. And she was one of the girls with myself went wedding dress shopping for Lisa. She was also a friend I noticed wasn't at the Bachelorette. Which was a surprise anyway.

[00:12:06] And at first she was doing a hey how are you. And we did polite small talk blah blah blah. Until she finally went. So are you as pissed off and mad as I am? At Lisa OP. Immediately I was slightly shocked. As the few times I had met Sarah she was very I guess demure. That opened the floodgates of information and she told me everything she knows. So what I didn't put in the post is I actually waited two days before messaging Lisa about the lack of invite.

[00:12:34] Turns out three of Lisa's friends who also weren't invited hit her up immediately after she posted on Instagram. Asking why they weren't invited. Turns out these girls absolutely chewed Lisa alive and my confrontational was soft and finally it revealed what actually happened. And now I'm even more confused. So Lisa admitted to Sarah that her sister-in-law planned the Bachelorette. And just decided she was only going to invite the friends she knew.

[00:13:00] So Lisa's usual group of 8-10 friends including me got narrowed down into 4. And Lisa decided not to correct her sister-in-law and just went with it. Not realizing how many people should be upsetting with not inviting people. Apparently once people started attacking her Lisa basically buried her head in the sand. And started making up lies to everyone on why they weren't invited. And using the same excuse of don't make this a big deal. Until everyone realizes the reasons were bullshit and called her out on it.

[00:13:28] And the real truth came out. Sarah has informed me the girls who weren't invited or pulled out of the wedding. Her partners included because they got the same annoyed response from Lisa before she told the truth. And they all thought they didn't deserve that. Then she finally asked me what Lisa told me. And I went deathly quiet on the phone before finally admitting she used my pregnancy as an excuse. Which then started poor Sarah on another rant of anger on how Lisa could say that to me. When I'm pregnant.

[00:13:57] Anyway, we ended the call and she hoped we could get a coffee sometime. So I think I've made a friend. So that's the update. This pregnant lady is very confused. And I'm currently the number one buyer of ice cream at my local dairy. Lol. A commenter came in and said don't go. Whatever is going on behind the scenes will ensure this isn't a celebratory event with friends and laughter. Finish whatever tasks you're working on slash promise for the wedding and bow out.

[00:14:24] It's already extremely toxic and my guess would be that you haven't seen all the drama yet. Focus on your new bundle to be and use the day of the wedding as some time for you and your husband to babymoon. Or pre-babymoon. Uncle Rumpy says when she drops out of the wedding OP should use her pregnancy as the reason. Tired of username says so my biggest issue with all this is Lisa lying to you and her other friends. I suspect if she had been honest with you this wouldn't have been a big thing.

[00:14:53] Hey, my future sister-in-law planned this and excluded people she didn't know. I felt uncomfortable pushing back. I regret it because I know it hurt feelings of people I care about. How hard is that to say? Logical Difference says I can't figure out why the hell she posted it online. OP says I think that's the part I'm struggling with as well. It's the fact that she posted it online. It's the fact the caption was couldn't have asked for a better day. Blessed with the best of friends.

[00:15:22] And maybe I'll admit that's an odd thing to get upset about. But it just felt a bit like someone cut me open and then rubbed salt and lemon juice into the wound. It's one thing not being invited. It's another seeing a caption like that having the internal thought of. I'll just go fuck myself then. Significant plan to set. Okay. I was actually feeling bad for her thinking that maybe she has a sister-in-law that is domineering. And one of those people that everyone just goes along with because they will throw a literal fit if you don't. And then I read the caption.

[00:15:52] Nah. She did that shit on purpose. Just cut her out of your life. You just read how she feels about you. OP came in with another update and said guys I want off this train. So minor and small update. So as mentioned in my previous post Lisa and I are childhood friends. And our mothers are friends. I finally shared what had happened with my mum. And first mum was so upset for me. But also gave me an I told you so OP. You're too much of a doormat. Thanks mum.

[00:16:21] But then she said I have a big heart. And sometimes people tend to use and abuse it. Once again thanks mum. Anyway. Mum then gave more tea. More gossip. So apparently while Lisa has been telling people that she's paying for a wedding out of her own pocket. Turns out it's a big fat lie. Lisa's mother had been sending her money. And from what my mother told me it was a decent chunk of change. How do we know this? Well Lisa's mum went to my mum upset.

[00:16:50] Because one thing I forgot to notice is Lisa's mum wasn't invited to the bachelorette party. Context for people outside NZ. We don't have bridal parties. So usually what people do is the older generation gets invited to like dinner. And then the younger girls go out and party if you have a piss up. If you don't have a piss up and just do a more chill bachelorette. Then mum will be there the whole time. Like mine. So Lisa's mother was distraught. Because she'd been sending Lisa a decent amount of cash.

[00:17:19] Had been told that she wasn't allowed to give her opinion about anything to do with the wedding. And then wasn't invited to the bachelorette. And Lisa's mother is honestly a nice lady. So to hear that it kind of broke my heart. And if I had known Lisa's mother was sending money. I would have told Lisa to pull her head in. My mum then had to break the news about why I wasn't invited to the bachelorette. And Lisa's poor mother was mortified. So that's the update. Is it even an update? I don't know.

[00:17:48] I'm just very sad at this point because I don't know where my friends have gone. Is she there anymore? Is this a bridezilla moment? I don't know. My ice cream journey though. I read everyone people have been loving this pregnancy lady's craving. So it allowed me to indulge. Recently I tried the Ben and Jerry's banoffee flavor and it was very good. I wish the caramel swirl was mixed throughout all the ice cream. But beggars can't be choosers. And I had the most amazing strawberry sorbet the other day.

[00:18:17] Honestly so good. I almost asked the ice cream shop for a tub of it. But I had self-control. Oh banoffee flavor ice cream. Don't get me started. Nylon Vest says you know I'm not sure I believe this story about how Lisa's sister-in-law set the guest list. I think that might be a lie Lisa was telling to Sarah to try and excuse her actions. If that's the case Lisa totally threw her sister-in-law under the bus. Which does sister-in-law know that she's being partly blamed for this?

[00:18:45] I kind of wonder if Lisa's mother would appreciate knowing that maybe she wasn't included because Lisa's sister-in-law made all the decisions. Opie said I'm starting to realize that is most definitely the case. Sister-in-law had been thrown under the bus because Lisa is realizing that people don't take kindly to being disrespected. As for Lisa's mom knowing about Lisa's excuse? I don't know. I talk to my mom and see what she thinks. But now I don't want to overload the poor woman because it's a lot.

[00:19:14] Zanef says it really comes down to the story of the groom throwing his tantrum. If that story is true I think it really is all the pressure from the in-laws. The bachelorette party being driven by the in-laws. The wedding party being driven by the in-laws. The wedding being driven by the in-laws. Anyway whatever the motivation Lisa is doing a fantastic job burning bridges. Opie replied saying I would like to acknowledge quickly in the comments that just because

[00:19:40] my friend's mom was sending her money doesn't make her mom entitled to change things about the wedding. But looking back on conversations I've had with Lisa I know for a fact her poor mom got absolutely stonewalled when it came to offering suggestions. Then a month later Opie came in with what was titled the final update. And says just want to give a big thanks to everyone on Reddit for coming along on this wild journey with me. It will help me not go insane this past month. So I attended the wedding.

[00:20:09] I know I know I know you can all boo me in the comments but I was leaning towards not going until I spoke to my mom who ultimately told me this would be a nice way of closing our chapter of friendship. I could walk away with my head held high. Later she told me that also Lisa's mom begged my mom to convince me to attend. I attended with my husband and I immediately noticed the vibe and aura was completely off. People of Reddit who are married who will understand me.

[00:20:37] Weddings feel like love. This didn't. This was technically an Instagram picture perfect wedding but it could have been anyone's wedding. It didn't feel personal. My friend barely smiled unless it was photos. Her vows were robotic and the maid of honor was useless. That was my biggest pet peeve.

[00:20:56] It is not that hard to see the bride's dress needs fluffing or she needs a drink and even I'll admit I felt no joy watching speeches and how everyone spoke about the groom and threw something in for the bride at the last second. The bride acted like we were good. Like there was no beef. Like the bachelorette thing never happened. I felt strange. I didn't like it because I know her and she isn't able to hide her emotions. She wears her emotions on her sleeve so I think she genuinely thinks nothing is wrong between us.

[00:21:26] She pulled me aside and said how she loved and appreciated me and how she was excited to be an honorary auntie. I kept touching my belly and blowing kisses at it. I left the wedding feeling a lot of emotions. I know I'm hormonal right now and I feel everything but I just, I don't know. But I can sit here and admit the friendship is done. I don't think I can look at her the same after everything I learnt talking to my mother and with how I was treated.

[00:21:52] The chapter is closed and other than the bridesmaid's thing I can look back somewhat fondly on our childhood and time together. Planning our marriages out with our bratstolls. I've never been good with friendship breakups but this time I think I am. I think I'll be okay. Thank you all for listening to the rambles of this pregnant lady. I've also all enjoyed your ice cream recommendations. You have all expanded my horizons and I'm sure the little one in my stomach appreciates it too. Signing off.

[00:22:22] Love. OP. Mustang says, She will want you back when her marriage is off. Stay away and enjoy motherhood. Redneck says, She's totally to be all over you when the baby is born. Honorary auntie my ass. Whether you agree or not at the end of this, I can't help but feel worried for the friend. Obviously, OP needs to do what OP needs to do and I don't disagree with it. But I can't help but feel, you know, sister-in-law's taking over.

[00:22:51] Like the in-laws taking over basically. Like in the initial parts of the story, sister-in-law separating her out from her friends. And you had like the robotic vows. It just sort of like felt like she'd given up. Like this is it now. Which I personally found kind of sad. But what do you guys make of this situation? How do you think it went for you? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:23:20] Getting involved in the stories. Your love, your support, your time. Always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Bye.