My Boyfriend Told Me He Rates My Colleague A 10 Our Of 10 r/Relationships

[00:00:03] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:20] Now today's first story comes from Greskar1 and says, I, 25 female, can't get over the fact that my boyfriend, 26 male of two years, told me that my now colleague is the only 10 he knows of. Oh dearie me. Short background, me and John met at uni during our bachelor's degree. He was in a relationship with someone else until the last year and we started dating about six months after that.

[00:00:47] I've never been this happy in a relationship before and we're on the same page about everything regarding future plans. I honestly feel like I'm behaving super silly, but given how long it's been, I think I need some outside perspective. This conversation happened almost two years ago. At the time we weren't official yet, but had been dating for a while and were on our first vacation together. We were talking about looks in general and as a game he asked me to rate myself on a scale from one to 10.

[00:01:17] And I, in turn, asked him back. And he asked who I thought was a 10. I've always thought that the only people who are 10s are celebrities because they get paid to look good plus photoshopped and whatnot. I just mentioned one or two. I of course asked him back and he said, well, I think Julie is a definite 10.

[00:01:37] So, my heart sinks because Julie was also in our class. I never knew her that well. A couple of conversations over the years, but she was never that involved in after-class activities or anything. And as it happens, I'd previously picked up on the fact that he seemed annoyed about the fact that she never joined the social stuff.

[00:01:56] As I aspire to approach situations as drama-less and logical as possible, I just say that I agree that she is good looking. The thought nagged at me for a long while, but I decided to try and ignore it as best as possible.

[00:02:09] While knowing that there, we just had a few months left until summer and everyone had their degree.

[00:02:14] In the fall, I started my awesome job. There were two positions available when I applied and guess who got the other one? Yes, you are correct. It was Julie.

[00:02:24] So now we are colleagues and I see her every damn day. She's nice and we get along well, but the fact that I have to see her every day ends up in me comparing us.

[00:02:33] And I'm so annoyed with myself for it. Like two to four times a month, I'm in bed and the comment pops into my head and my heart sinks.

[00:02:42] So a few months ago, after a couple, a lot of drinks and our first real discussion about something unrelated, that's sort of tangent. So I brought it up.

[00:02:51] Keep in mind, things were a bit heated due to the other discussion. I said something along the lines of,

[00:02:57] I know this might be stupid to bring this up as there really isn't anything you can do about it, but it's been bothering me.

[00:03:02] And after I explained, he looked me in the eye and said, well, I can't do anything about that. I think Julie is the perfect 10.

[00:03:09] So let's just say that didn't help. So I've obviously thought about this a lot.

[00:03:15] I think one of the main reasons this is bagging at me in the degree it is, is that I've never been one to focus too much on looks.

[00:03:23] I do my makeup in like five minutes and just put on clothes without much thought.

[00:03:27] It's honestly something I've always prided myself on considering the people I hung around with while growing up who did care a lot.

[00:03:34] John, however, cares about looks. And this is also the first relationship I'm in where I'm honestly afraid that I'm the party with more feelings than the other.

[00:03:43] Which was exasperated by the fact that I had to push for us to become official due to him saying it wasn't really that important being official.

[00:03:51] Because he felt it was a very short time after his relationship with his ex ended.

[00:03:56] So kind people have read it. Please give me some advice on how to forget this or handle it in a better way than I'm doing now.

[00:04:03] Edit. Just to make this clear. I agree the rating system is immature.

[00:04:08] A lot of people are, however, saying I should dump him over this.

[00:04:11] And I just want to make it clear that you are now reading the worst thing that has happened to you in our relationship.

[00:04:15] Which I honestly think is a good indication that we really do have a great relationship.

[00:04:20] Well, I agree it was a thoughtless thing of him to say. At this point, this is really my problem.

[00:04:26] I've gotten some good advice and observations in the comments. I'm trying to reply to some of them. Thank you.

[00:04:32] Edit 2. I'm seeing a lot of commenting on the timing of when I brought the issue up.

[00:04:36] So I should probably explain why I felt it was tangent to our conversation at the time.

[00:04:40] When I said he cares about looks, it's mostly due to his passion for clothes.

[00:04:45] While it's not one of my own interests, I've actually learned a great deal about it during our time together and respect the fact that he cares.

[00:04:52] We were meeting a couple who were friends of his and it was my first time meeting them.

[00:04:56] He told me I was coming out of the shower that I should mind what I was putting on and to remember that they too care about fashion.

[00:05:03] Which he knows that I do not.

[00:05:05] Which honestly pissed me off and made me feel less than so I brought it up when we came home.

[00:05:10] Anywho, I'm having trouble following all the comments but I'm trying to read all of them.

[00:05:15] Thanks again to everyone who's bothered replying.

[00:05:18] The two years prior to this, I don't know why he would suggest playing this game, looks game.

[00:05:25] Just in general, it's always going to end in disaster.

[00:05:28] It felt like it was kind of like a loaded game so we could come out and say,

[00:05:32] Well, I think Julia's a definite 10.

[00:05:34] And then when your partner brings it up that has been bothering you all this time,

[00:05:39] Instead of turning around and just saying something, anything to make that situation a little better.

[00:05:45] He doubles down and says,

[00:05:47] Well, I can't do anything about that.

[00:05:49] Julia's perfect.

[00:05:50] You just can't be that much of a berk.

[00:05:52] Surely.

[00:05:53] Surely.

[00:05:54] A deleted user says,

[00:05:56] This is ridiculous.

[00:05:57] It reminds me of the time my ex was talking about how some other girl had a better pussy than me with his friends.

[00:06:03] And I was literally sitting right there.

[00:06:05] Don't put up with this.

[00:06:06] You deserve to be with some...

[00:06:09] What?

[00:06:10] You deserve to be with somebody who thinks you're the most beautiful woman on the planet.

[00:06:15] Seriously, raise your standards.

[00:06:18] Edit.

[00:06:18] Why did you push him to become official?

[00:06:21] Why are you pushing a man to do anything?

[00:06:23] This one clearly isn't that thrilled about being with you at all.

[00:06:26] I'd say it's time to move on.

[00:06:29] Opie says,

[00:06:29] That sounds awful.

[00:06:31] Well, we started sleeping together in January.

[00:06:33] Started dating at the three month mark.

[00:06:35] And come late November, neither of us had brought up being official yet.

[00:06:39] But had the exclusive conversation right after we started dating.

[00:06:43] After being hounded by friends and family for months, asking why we weren't a couple yet.

[00:06:48] I brought it up and he responded by saying he didn't feel it was that important.

[00:06:51] So I was sad and figured I should probably break it off.

[00:06:55] But we continued hanging out and in December, we agreed to make it official.

[00:07:00] Opie says,

[00:07:01] Pushing him to be official makes you sound like his backup plan.

[00:07:04] Commenting on another woman's attractiveness in the manner he did

[00:07:07] make it seem like he is waiting for something better to come along.

[00:07:11] Opie says,

[00:07:11] I agree.

[00:07:12] I think that's why it bothers me so much.

[00:07:15] Copying from another comment regarding the push for becoming official,

[00:07:18] which may have made it a bit more dramatic than it actually was.

[00:07:20] And then added the comment that we just read previously.

[00:07:24] Anyway, five years later,

[00:07:27] Opie comes in with an update and says,

[00:07:29] Hi everyone.

[00:07:30] I love updates.

[00:07:31] So I figured I should give one to my only popular post instead of my usual lurking.

[00:07:36] Shares the original link and then says,

[00:07:38] It's a bit hard to remember the details after five years,

[00:07:41] but we had a big blowout sometime after I posted this.

[00:07:44] I snapped at one point after he pushed the issue

[00:07:46] when I had told him I didn't want to talk about it

[00:07:49] and ended up telling him how mean that was,

[00:07:52] aka the later comment.

[00:07:53] Well, I can't do anything about it.

[00:07:55] I think Julie is the perfect 10 and how insecure it made me.

[00:07:58] He realized that the comment was unnecessary and apologized.

[00:08:02] However, I just got into a funk for a couple of days after the confrontation,

[00:08:06] partly due to the comments on this post that were quite harsh.

[00:08:09] He got super worried when I was subdued after three or so days

[00:08:13] and he apologized profusely and said he would work on a stubbornness,

[00:08:17] communication and be better at complimenting me.

[00:08:20] In addition, he explained that the comment was partly due to the style of communication

[00:08:24] he and his ex had,

[00:08:25] but each of them had just dug themselves deeper into their positions

[00:08:28] when they had any sort of disagreement.

[00:08:31] And I'm happy to say that he did improve massively.

[00:08:34] He's still stubborn and can still quickly go on the offense in discussions we have,

[00:08:38] but we are now married.

[00:08:40] He proposed,

[00:08:41] have a one and a half year old boy and we are happy.

[00:08:44] This remains one of our biggest arguments to date.

[00:08:47] Side note, I changed jobs, but so did Julie,

[00:08:50] and we ended up at the same firm, again.

[00:08:52] So we're still colleagues.

[00:08:54] But there are a thousand plus people at our office,

[00:08:56] so I don't see her as much nowadays.

[00:08:58] I still catch myself interested in what she posts on social media,

[00:09:02] but that's about it.

[00:09:03] I rarely think about her or this situation.

[00:09:06] And the top comment on this one was from Glammonster,

[00:09:09] who says,

[00:09:09] Bruh, the whole 1 to 10 rating system is ridiculous.

[00:09:12] There is no objective 10.

[00:09:14] My friends think that my type is ugly as fuck,

[00:09:17] and I think their type are as boring as a piece of white bread.

[00:09:20] But why the hell would you rate another woman,

[00:09:22] who is not your spouse,

[00:09:24] higher than your actual spouse unless you want to hurt them?

[00:09:27] I have no idea.

[00:09:28] Like, if I would like someone,

[00:09:30] they would be the most beautiful person in the world for me.

[00:09:32] Even if objectively they look like Quasimodo.

[00:09:35] So, edit.

[00:09:36] To all the people that say that the truth matters,

[00:09:39] it's only your truth.

[00:09:40] If you genuinely think that whatever celebrity is hotter than your partner,

[00:09:44] well, I think they are not hotter than mine.

[00:09:46] Yes, really.

[00:09:48] Like, I can't comprehend the feeling that the person you love

[00:09:50] is not the hottest thing in the entire world.

[00:09:52] Even if they are old or sick or disfigured.

[00:09:55] I've just read way too much Reddit.

[00:09:57] Like, but the whole thing with Julie being at the same company as OP again,

[00:10:02] my brain is like,

[00:10:03] hold on, what's going on here?

[00:10:06] Help me, please.

[00:10:07] Anyway.

[00:10:08] Now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:10:11] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:10:13] I wasn't expecting that ending.

[00:10:15] It's got to be said.

[00:10:16] But let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:10:20] And let's move on to another story.

[00:10:40] Our next story comes from throwaway sad cats who says,

[00:10:46] my 24 female boyfriend, 26 male of seven years,

[00:10:50] completely ghosted me out of the blue.

[00:10:53] It feels completely surreal.

[00:10:55] I'm 24.

[00:10:57] I've been with this guy since I was 17.

[00:10:59] A quarter of my life and basically my whole adult life

[00:11:02] is the first and only person I slept with.

[00:11:06] Nothing happened.

[00:11:07] We didn't have an argument.

[00:11:08] We had a great relationship, at least in my opinion.

[00:11:11] One day we were cuddling on the couch

[00:11:13] and the next I can't get a hold of him.

[00:11:15] He blocked me on everything.

[00:11:17] I was so worried at first.

[00:11:19] My first thoughts were that he was hurt or dead

[00:11:22] or in a terrible accident.

[00:11:23] I only learned from a mutual friend

[00:11:25] that he basically moved halfway across the country.

[00:11:28] He's still alive, at least.

[00:11:29] He just doesn't want to talk to me.

[00:11:31] It's been three weeks now.

[00:11:33] What do I even do?

[00:11:35] Do I travel after him?

[00:11:36] I don't even know where to.

[00:11:38] Do I give him time?

[00:11:40] I hope I'm not appearing like an overly obsessive girlfriend,

[00:11:43] but what the heck?

[00:11:44] Seven years?

[00:11:46] I need closure.

[00:11:47] Even if it would be,

[00:11:48] you were ugly,

[00:11:49] I never loved you,

[00:11:50] I found someone else.

[00:11:52] Anything.

[00:11:52] Am I expecting too much?

[00:11:54] I can't just discard seven years like a used yogurt cup.

[00:11:58] Maybe I did something wrong,

[00:12:00] but I don't know what it could be without him telling me.

[00:12:02] I didn't cheat on him.

[00:12:04] I've always tried to be kind and caring.

[00:12:07] I wasn't a financial burden either.

[00:12:09] I paid for my own things and paid for half of everything.

[00:12:12] I'm trying to think of all the things I could have done wrong.

[00:12:15] I had a terrible childhood.

[00:12:17] I was abused and still have some scars from cutting myself.

[00:12:20] Maybe he thought I was ugly from the scars or too depressed and sad at times,

[00:12:24] but he could still have told me.

[00:12:26] I would have understood.

[00:12:27] He and our mutual friend both blocked me now,

[00:12:29] and I'm not getting any answers.

[00:12:32] I'm just sad and confused and don't know what to do.

[00:12:35] Three weeks might not seem that long.

[00:12:37] Maybe he'll change his mind.

[00:12:39] I just don't know what to do or how to handle this.

[00:12:43] And that's a really shitty situation because I understand why you want that closure.

[00:12:49] You want to know what the fuck happened because everything seemed fine.

[00:12:53] You've been with this person seven years and everything seemed to be going well.

[00:12:56] So for him to just up and leave,

[00:12:57] and I get your initial concern about, you know, anything could have happened.

[00:13:01] But then we found that about the blocking,

[00:13:03] which suggests, you know, he's just up and left.

[00:13:07] Ghosted.

[00:13:07] But the reality is he might not ever give you that closure,

[00:13:11] which, you know, is just shitty in my opinion.

[00:13:14] And I think that's what you need to tell yourself,

[00:13:16] that he's chosen to do this.

[00:13:18] He's chosen to give you no reason whatsoever as well.

[00:13:21] And that's on him.

[00:13:22] And that's the kind of person he is.

[00:13:24] Although it's easy for me to say,

[00:13:26] I wouldn't dwell on it too much in regards to why he left.

[00:13:30] He chose to up and leave like that without any discussion.

[00:13:33] That's on him.

[00:13:34] Which of the way says, honestly, all I can say is what the fuck?

[00:13:38] My heart hurts for you.

[00:13:39] But the mutual friend blocking you as well has thrown up some.

[00:13:43] Something had to have happened.

[00:13:44] Well, that's what he's saying to people vibes.

[00:13:47] But really, no amount of cyber stalking him or friends is going to fix this.

[00:13:51] No amount of begging or all of the things you want to do.

[00:13:54] If he wanted to give you closure, he would have.

[00:13:57] And he sucks beyond words for not giving you that, if all was well.

[00:14:01] The more you chase the answers, the crazier you will feel and look.

[00:14:04] Even though you absolutely fucking deserve those answers.

[00:14:07] I'll get a therapist immediately and work on rebuilding your life without him.

[00:14:12] This will do some damage for sure.

[00:14:14] So I'm serious about therapy.

[00:14:16] I'm sorry, OP.

[00:14:17] I wish I could answer what happened for you.

[00:14:19] OP says, thank you so much for your kind words.

[00:14:22] At this point, it feels like no amount of therapy will make me feel okay.

[00:14:26] It's probably the best advice, but I'm currently in a staring at the wall and just asking myself, why Faze?

[00:14:33] I still have my cat to keep me company.

[00:14:36] She and her butthole in my face are some emotional support at least.

[00:14:40] I love her.

[00:14:41] She's the best.

[00:14:42] It's only been three weeks.

[00:14:44] Maybe things will somehow be okay and he'll come back or decides to talk to me.

[00:14:47] Something must have happened.

[00:14:49] I just wish I could help him.

[00:14:51] Whatever it is.

[00:14:51] Gambling that, even if he had an affair, I just wish I could talk to him.

[00:14:57] Witch of the Waste replies to that and says, if he ever wants to talk, he knows where to find you.

[00:15:02] But right now, you need to sit with the idea of moving forward without him coming back.

[00:15:06] Whatever it is.

[00:15:07] He doesn't want help with it.

[00:15:09] So much so that he was willing to emotionally crush you and damage your psyche in the process.

[00:15:14] Hope more than anything, you get answers eventually.

[00:15:17] The insane grief you must be dealing with is something not many people could appreciate.

[00:15:22] Therapy won't make you feel okay immediately, but it's a way to help you navigate this mindfuck without circling the drain and accidentally losing yourself entirely.

[00:15:31] Think of it as a flotation device while you're in a deep fucked up ocean.

[00:15:35] It would be easy to sink without it.

[00:15:37] You are young still.

[00:15:39] You have so much awesome life ahead of you.

[00:15:41] You just need to trek through this shit first.

[00:15:43] Again, I'm so sorry.

[00:15:45] Editing to add, no matter the reason, he fucking sucks as a person for doing this to another person.

[00:15:51] Jesus, what an arsehole.

[00:15:54] I find it really strange in his mindset as well how you can just up and leave, go no contact in that situation and then not have any thoughts about what your ex or whatever she is to you at that moment might be feeling.

[00:16:08] The worry they might be experiencing and just being able to somehow carry on with your life like that.

[00:16:15] But OP came in with an update and said, short summary, my boyfriend of nearly seven years left me, moved hundreds of miles away and refused to talk to me.

[00:16:24] Even his parents told me that he doesn't want to talk to me and that they can't force him to.

[00:16:28] A mutual friend, more his friend, told me the same and then blocked me as well.

[00:16:32] I was left confused, alone and sad.

[00:16:35] Now over four weeks later, he contacted me again and we agreed to talk face to face at our slash my place.

[00:16:42] I'll have to disappoint everyone from the start.

[00:16:45] No movie worthy Yakuza slash mafia story.

[00:16:48] What he told me happened was that he simply panicked and ran away.

[00:16:52] Apparently I was asking too many questions about the future.

[00:16:55] If he ever wanted to get married, what he thought about children, etc.

[00:16:59] They also pushed him a lot to finally finish his degree and get a job.

[00:17:02] His main source of income are still his parents.

[00:17:06] He said he just couldn't handle it and saw his life as being over and needed to get away from it all.

[00:17:11] And he started blaming his friend who convinced him that he was wasting his 20s on just one girl.

[00:17:17] That same friend apparently also got him a job, which is why he moved away hundreds of miles.

[00:17:22] That job didn't work out and he got fired after a few weeks.

[00:17:26] I guess that's why he's back now.

[00:17:27] I asked him why he didn't at least talk to me and how hurt and worried I was.

[00:17:32] He said that he didn't want to make me cry and that he didn't really want to break up.

[00:17:37] He wanted to prove that he could succeed at that job and then come back to me.

[00:17:41] Overall, a lot was said.

[00:17:43] We talked for over two hours, but that's the gist of it.

[00:17:45] He must have apologized like a hundred times, telling me how stupid he was to let his friend influence him.

[00:17:51] One kindergarten-like logic stuck with me.

[00:17:53] He said,

[00:17:54] We never broke up.

[00:17:55] I never said that I wanted to break up.

[00:17:57] We just took a break.

[00:17:59] In my mind that sounded like, ha, you didn't say uno.

[00:18:02] We're still together.

[00:18:04] He basically promised me heaven and earth if we got back together.

[00:18:07] Breakfast in bed every morning.

[00:18:09] He'd do all the chores, what have you.

[00:18:11] He also swore that there was nobody else.

[00:18:14] That he slept with nobody else.

[00:18:16] In the end, he asked if he could stay because he hasn't been paid from that job and used all his money and has nowhere else to go.

[00:18:22] His parents live too far away and he's on bad terms with that friend who got him the job.

[00:18:27] I felt a bit bad, but I told him no.

[00:18:29] That I needed to process and think about everything.

[00:18:32] I did however agree to store some of his boxes to free up his car.

[00:18:36] So that's where I'm at now.

[00:18:38] Sitting alone in my apartment with his boxes.

[00:18:40] One of them smells really bad, like moldy clothes.

[00:18:43] Maybe I'll wash those tomorrow for him at least.

[00:18:46] Now I need to think about what to do with all of this.

[00:18:48] What to do with myself.

[00:18:50] Part of me still loves him.

[00:18:51] We had so many great moments together before that.

[00:18:54] He helped me through a lot.

[00:18:55] He helped me get away from my abusive mother and stepfather.

[00:18:58] He is the man I wanted to marry, maybe have children with.

[00:19:02] This is only my side of the story too.

[00:19:04] I don't know everything he's gone through mentally.

[00:19:06] I can understand panicking.

[00:19:08] I don't know.

[00:19:09] I want to thank everyone who took their time to read all of this.

[00:19:13] It felt good to write it all down.

[00:19:14] I went no contact with my mother and stepfather and don't have a lot of friends because I'm a bit shy and not that outgoing.

[00:19:20] I don't have a lot of people to talk to about this.

[00:19:23] Sorry if it's too long.

[00:19:24] Thank you.

[00:19:25] Edit.

[00:19:26] I read nearly all the replies here.

[00:19:28] Thank you so much for your input.

[00:19:29] I probably needed to hear a lot of the things that were said.

[00:19:32] I thought about everything and won't be getting back together with him.

[00:19:35] The most important argument for me was, what if it happens again?

[00:19:39] 10 years from now and we're married or have children.

[00:19:42] I wouldn't be able to handle it.

[00:19:43] And I still don't trust him with everything he said happened or didn't happen while he was away.

[00:19:48] I'll figure something out with the boxes and everything else that needs to be handled and I'll try to set clear boundaries when talking to him in the future.

[00:19:55] He isn't all horrible despite how he acted.

[00:19:58] He saved me from my stepfather and was there for me in the years after.

[00:20:02] I owe a lot to him, but I think that also made me accept things and behaviors I shouldn't have, even before he left.

[00:20:08] The parents really pissed me off in this situation as well, unless they were told something completely different that I didn't know about.

[00:20:15] But, you know, when Opie was speaking to them, the parents just said he doesn't want to talk to you and they can't force him to and that's it.

[00:20:21] You know, if I was the parents, I'd be well pissed off at him for doing that, messing with someone else like that.

[00:20:27] And then for him to come back for over four weeks later and just stroll in saying, ha, it was just a break.

[00:20:35] Cheeky bastard.

[00:20:36] I'm sad that Opie had to go through it, but I'm glad that Opie realized how shitty that behavior was and is not going to tolerate anymore.

[00:20:45] Not going to get back with them and, you know, just get those boxes at your house, move on, enjoy your life, find someone worthy of you, etc.

[00:20:54] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:20:56] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:20:59] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:02] And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:21:06] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:21:10] So thank you so, so much.

[00:21:11] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:21:14] Take care.

[00:21:15] And much love.