My Boyfriend SLAMMED On The Brakes When I Commented On His Driving r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider it a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too and let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:17] Now today's first story comes from a throwaway account which says, My 26 female boyfriend 28 male slammed on the brakes so hard that I was thrown into the locked seatbelt in response to me commenting on his driving. How to address. My 26 female boyfriend 28 male of three and a half years and I were driving down a main road towards a red light. It was accelerating into the red light so I said, why are you accelerating? It's red.

[00:00:46] In response to this comment, he slammed on the brakes so hard that the car screeched and I was thrown forward. The locked seatbelt caught me. I was not injured by this but it did scare me. Afterwards when I spoke to him about it, he said I made him really mad with my driving comment, especially since I had told him not to comment on my own driving the day before and that we should agree not to comment on each other's driving. I don't think that's totally unreasonable but I also don't think that his act of slamming on the brakes was appropriate.

[00:01:16] I am concerned that he thinks it was appropriate. How do I address this with him? Edit, thanks to everyone for your comments. I don't think I can respond to all at this stage but I'll try and answer some of the questions here. The car is my car. I own it but I let him drive it. I usually push back on letting him drive it at all when I'm with him because I don't think he treats the car as well as I would like. The comments from him on my driving are about me driving too slowly slash hesitating.

[00:01:43] I was in a scary car accident a few years ago and I've been a very nervous and careful driver since then. I'd asked him to stop commenting on my driving because I felt like he was nagging me all day about it. The specific instance where I said to stop was because I was hesitating at a traffic circle and was given too much space for people to go through ahead of me. The comment that caused him to hit the brakes was my first comment of the car ride. We'd literally just gotten in the car and it was the first light.

[00:02:10] Still, we had some tension and arguments that week leading up to it about other things. I think he was a little annoyed with me already when we got into the car. I wouldn't pretend that I have not made him mad and could have tried harder to avoid that. But I felt the reaction in slamming the brakes was very extreme. I hear what you're all saying. This confirms what I think I already knew the brake slamming was about. It's hard to imagine a situation where that can be seen as reasonable or safe.

[00:02:37] He's never done anything else physical with me aside from this car incident. Though he does have an explosive temper. I've seen him get physical with other things. He's punched a hole in our wall once over a video game and he smacks cars when we're out running. I'm assuming it's when he sees cars not stop properly at the stoplights. I would say he hasn't lost his temper with me much. But when he has, I found it a bit freaky because he adopts a really intense, teeth-clenched, fist-clenched sort of thing.

[00:03:05] He slammed the fist on a table a few times. Again, never has actually done anything physical. Also to clarify, he was not slamming on the brakes because of the red light. We were still 50-ish feet from the line where you stopped for the light. It was definitely in response to my comment and he said it was afterwards when he explained that he slammed on the brakes because he was mad. I will look into the resources everyone sent and think about this. I'm feeling like I need to end it, particularly after reading what everyone has said. Thank you.

[00:03:34] I really appreciate all your thoughts and advice. Edit 2. For people commenting with the generalized typical woman grievances, it is misogynistic to make generalizations about all women based on one woman's experience. So, of course, OP was given additional information in response to comments. Someone said to OP, I hope you got your important documents with you. Everything else may need to be written off as a loss. At the very least, see if you can get your friends to accompany you to collect the rest of your stuff

[00:04:03] or even handle the handoff for you. Or consider calling the non-emergency police hotline to see if someone can come with you. Glad you're out though. Now stay that way. OP says, Thank you. I did grab my documents. I do hope things will be okay when I go back, but better to be safe for sure. Edit, go back to sort out our shared feelings. I will reach out to friends to come with me. Someone asks, Were there other issues during the three and a half years with her boyfriend? OP says, Of course there were other issues.

[00:04:32] The biggest one was that he wouldn't take my concerns seriously when I tried to address relationship issues with him. You'll see in my first post that there have been a few different anger issues, things over the past one to two years. Each time he brushed my concerns under the rug. It was the brake slamming incident, plus laughing at me when I tried to address my concerns about it with him, that has been the final straw. OP wanted to share some more examples about her boyfriend's behaviors and says, Did you actually read the original post?

[00:05:01] The breaking thing was one example of angry behavior, but there were multiple things. It was not an isolated incident, but an example of one. And the biggest issue is inability to take my concerns seriously. We've had dozens of conversations over the years where I brought a concern to him and had him dismiss my concerns, culminating in this instance, where I told him I was concerned by the behavior and he laughed at me and was utterly disdainful at the idea that he had some angry tendencies.

[00:05:30] I'm not sure how I can be with someone who explodes with anger unpredictably and then blows me off completely if I express a very legitimate concern about that behavior. And he has done this with other concerns as well. I'm not sure how to have a constructive communication with someone who dismisses me so completely. By the way, it's not just Reddit. My friends and family agree that it's not acceptable. What do you suggest? What can I do? OP continues,

[00:05:55] it's pretty hard to distill all the problems and context of an entire relationship in one Reddit post. He has a repeated pattern of downplaying things that concern me, minimizing and even blaming me when I raise concerns. The temper issue is one of my concerns. I've also tried to talk to him about other issues like him being condescending or correcting me a lot, acting annoyed with me, etc. And received similar responses. Sometimes he assures me that he will change and work on this stuff.

[00:06:24] But he never does. He declined any kind of therapy before this breakup conversation. This has been over a pattern of years. It's hard to trust him that any change is possible because he wasn't able to make any changes previously. And I don't want the only way to motivate change to be to actually tell him I want to break up. Like why isn't it enough for me to say, I can't be happy in this relationship if we don't figure this out? Which I have said on a few occasions. I hear you and some people are taking it to an extreme.

[00:06:54] Not everything is pathological for sure, but it does sound like the car thing is common in abusive relationships and is to be taken seriously. I think laughing at me when I bring it up and telling me that I'm blowing it out of proportion probably would qualify as gaslighting. I don't think he's a narcissist. I think he is probably deeply uncomfortable addressing his emotions and isn't able to deal with his feelings. The result is that he so badly doesn't want to reflect on anything that he instead chooses to push me away.

[00:07:23] Happening occasionally, it's human. Happening frequently for a period of a few years, not healthy for a relationship. At least not for me. I can't just sweep everything under the rug and pretend it's all fine all the time. I worry that even if he does go to therapy, which he's been very resistant to before this, it could be years before he's able to process his feelings well. And that's a gamble. And it's risking the fact that his aggressive behavior could escalate during that time. I'm truly concerned that he chose to punish me

[00:07:52] by scaring the shit out of me in my own dang car. Just for saying something that annoyed him. I don't know. It's so hard to know what's right. Hence the Reddit post, hoping for a magical solution. Another commenter says, dating is an addition for the rest of your life. You're not locked in here. He proved that his immediate and thoughtless reaction when he's angry with you is to punish you. And who cares if you get hurt? Take this information and use it wisely. Let's face it.

[00:08:20] It was never going to be just like a one-off thing. Like the title seemed to suggest. It was never about just the slamming on with the brakes. There's always a pattern of behavior that seems to come up a bit later. I think OP already knows what they need to do in this situation. And I know it's a completely separate point from what OP's going through. And I don't mean to take away from that, but it was also incredibly dangerous for everyone around them for him to just slam on the brakes like he did. Did he consider anyone else around him?

[00:08:50] But yeah, around a week or so later, OP came in with her update and said, here is the original post. Thank you to everyone who commented. It was a little rough being told by literally hundreds of people how bad of a situation this was. I think it was a wake-up call I needed though. I was having a really hard time seeing the situation clearly. I knew his behavior was wrong, but I didn't have the language for what I was experiencing and didn't know what to do. Well, since this post, I filled in some friends and relatives

[00:09:19] on the situation. Everyone agreed that his behavior was completely unacceptable. Everyone said he either needed some serious therapy and anger management, or we needed to break up. Well, on Friday, I tried to ask him about the anger issues to see if he may be willing to seek help for it. He was extremely dismissive of it all, told me I was blowing things out of proportion and even laughed at me when I suggested his aggression was a little scary. That was the last straw for me.

[00:09:48] Last night, I told him I thought we should break up. What followed was an agonizing and painful two hours of crying and holding each other. He pleaded with me to stay, promised that he would be better for me, asked to do therapy. Basically, everything I've been wanting to hear from him for months, if not years. I couldn't trust it though. I ended up taking my dog and going to a hotel where I'll be for a few days while I think about logistics of breaking up. It has been so incredibly hard,

[00:10:17] but I'm feeling like I made the right decision. Several people expressed concern for me in my original post, so I wanted to update you all and let you know that I am okay and that I left. I'm not able to completely go no contact currently because of our shared living situation and dog, but I'm taking steps to break away. Thank you again to everyone for the feedback and affirmation. Opie then shares her thoughts on if a Rex could change his behaviors. Opie says, I think he could potentially change, but I don't think our relationship

[00:10:46] is good for either of us at this point. It's causing me a lot of stress and sadness and I worry I'm enabling him to not address his issues. Any change would take a very long time and I'm not certain it's possible. It's horrible to be ending things after so much time together and I love him. I don't think he's evil or terrible like a lot of people have said, but the reality is that he has problems processing his emotions and has brushed aside many attempts by me to help him address these issues. It's so hard. So, the commenter says,

[00:11:15] he was only willing to change after you broke up with him. If you stayed, he would have been a little bit better for a little while and then gone back to the way he was. You made the right choice. Another one says, she literally asked him without any strings attached and he laughed at her. This was his authentic reaction and if he had put in one to two months of effort if she stayed, he would have reverted back to his authentic self. If someone doesn't want to change, they won't. Another commenter says, I'm proud of you for choosing

[00:11:45] to put your safety and your dog's safety first. May the next step of your journey be as pleasant and healing as possible. Another commenter says, congratulations. This decision may have saved your life, your mental well-being and slash all your financial well-being. Relationships with men with anger issues often devolve into domestic violence and divorces are expensive. So best to dodge the bullet as early as you can. I always like to think about what the OPs might be thinking as they're writing this post.

[00:12:14] Are they really just thinking about that one incident? I'm not playing down their thoughts or anything like that. It's just, because like I say in a lot of these posts when something's been normalized, whether it's family issues, relationships, whatever it may be, things do become normalized and you eventually don't see much wrong with the behavior until you're told by other people. So I always find that thought process kind of interesting. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on

[00:12:43] to another story. Now, our next story comes from TW Letter X Wife and says, am I the asshole here for telling my fiance to not share a letter my ex-wife sent to me on social media? I, ex-wife, 34 female, sent an email to me, 34 male, pleading me not to marry my fiance, 27 female. My fiance wants to share the letter on her social media to expose my ex-wife, but I feel she should be the bigger person and ignore her.

[00:13:13] My ex-wife Lily and I started dating in college and were together for almost 10 years, married for four. I thought we had a perfect relationship. However, around six years ago, Lily sat me down and told me she was feeling unhappy with our marriage and felt like she missed out on a lot of fun things in life because we got married early and spent all of our effort on our careers and finances. We are both lawyers and spent a lot of time on our law school, bar exam, etc., and got really high-paying jobs. She felt that she never

[00:13:42] got to live an independent life and find herself. I was heartbroken as I did not know a life without her. We went through a lot of stress during our marriage and could see her side. We split amicably and got a divorce soon as we did not have any assets or kids to worry about. Everything went okay for the first few months. However, Lily started getting panic attacks and went into a depression after she started living alone. I still cared about her and helped her out during that time. She was also diagnosed with BPD

[00:14:12] and has been in therapy since. We stayed friends as the transition was difficult for both of us. However, I tried to move on from her by going on dates. Lily and I stayed good friends for almost one year after the divorce. She asked me a few times if we could try and work on our marriage, but I had moved on and told her we are better off as friends than as a couple. I met Myla at our running club and we really hit it off. Myla was much younger than me but really matched my energy and we started dating seriously soon after.

[00:14:43] Myla expressed that she found it uncomfortable that Lily was still such a big part of my life. I also felt that I wanted to invest all my energy in a relationship with Myla and I told Lily that I would be distancing myself from her. Lily reluctantly agreed and we stopped texting each other daily and only met on social occasions such as weddings or parties as we both share the same group

[00:15:15] visited her parents' house. We've been busy planning our wedding and planned to get married in September. Everything was going really well until last week. I received an email from Lily last week pleading me not to marry Myla. There was a long email talking about how we are soulmates and meant to be together. It was extremely delusional and talked about how I was just punishing her by being in a relationship with Myla and she has learned her lesson and I should take her back now. It talked about how I would be

[00:15:44] abandoning her after I promised her that I would take care of her in sickness and health for her entire life. My new marriage veils will be meaningless since I promised all those things to her. I immediately told Myla about this and told her that Lily has crossed the line and I would not only block her everywhere but I would make sure I go no contact with her. Myla was very upset too and started cursing out Lily on how she was planning to ruin her special day. Myla told me that she wants a screenshot of the email and sent it to my parents. They of course

[00:16:14] supported Myla and told her that Lily has to be cut off forever from our lives and I agreed. Myla wants to share the email on her Instagram and Facebook so that all of our friends would also see Lily's behavior. So they all block her as well and never invite her to any events. This is where I do not agree with Myla. I know that Lily is not mentally well and has not been depressed again since we announced our engagement. Lily has tried to reach out to me through my friends but I have not given her a chance to speak to me alone. I feel bad for Lily

[00:16:43] and I feel Myla sharing the post would only extend the drama. I also worry that my friends know about Lily's mental condition and it would feel petty to hurt her. While I'm moving on and marrying an amazing person in Myla, I have told Myla about all this and she feels that I'm still trying to protect Lily when she tried to hurt Myla by sending that email. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Am I the asshole to ask Myla to not share the email on social media for everyone to see Lily's private email to me? Is Myla right

[00:17:13] that Lily deserves all the hurt she would get after she makes the email public? The first commenter says to OP, what do you mean you don't know what to do? You don't want the letter shared end of story. You're not the asshole here. Tell Myla that you do not want it shared and she does not have your consent to share a private correspondence addressed to you. If she won't drop it or shares it anyway, that's a massive red flag. Ojack Trashman says yes, I understand her urge and maybe if everyone involved was mentally well, I wouldn't feel

[00:17:43] quite so strongly about it. But since he has responded by blocking and going no contact and the ex is a pretty serious personality disorder, attempting to destroy a social life feels like a dangerous move. I wouldn't want this woman around either and I'd probably confront her face to face next time I saw her because I will not tolerate that kind of disrespect. But to ostracize her from everyone she knows could do serious damage. If she lost her entire social circle, spun out and harmed herself, I'd feel guilt. Unless she continues

[00:18:12] on and uses the friend group to try and gain more leverage, it seems better not to share. I usually don't believe in being the bigger person because generally it means letting people get away with bad shit. But he's cut her off. There's a huge consequence here. Let that be enough, not the asshole. Shy Girl Dream says, I'm a pretty big advocate for no contact after a breakup for this reason. I think that her reaction to being without you was delayed because she never truly understood what it was like without you in her life.

[00:18:42] You guys text every day. Especially given a BPD diagnosis, it sounds like a dream to be able to keep you at a distance yet still close enough. Many folks with BPD have disorganized attachment styles like this. Given the circumstances, I do think you did pretty good at abiding by your fiancé's preferences when she did express discomfort, which was valid at the proximity of Lily. But I don't think your fiancé should be posting this on her social media. How immature and mean. She can show it to

[00:19:11] whoever she wants directly I suppose, but it sounds to me like she wants to completely ruin Lily's reputation with people who aren't close enough with her to simply text them out of the blue with a screenshot. I would be embarrassed if my partner was publicly being a mean girl. I'm going with not the arsehole, but by no means is everyone innocent. Opie says yes, Lily and I have had that conversation in the past. She feels that I should have not let her leave me because she was not in the right state of mind. However, what was I supposed to do? I just did not want to

[00:19:41] be with someone who did not want to be with me. So Opie came in with her update and says I had a long discussion with Myla over the weekend. I know it was hard on her too and I'm sure I would also be angry if the shoe was on the other foot. I told her I understand the frustrations and asked her to tell me what is going on in her mind. She told me that it bothered her that I reacted so calmly to this situation when I should be very angry at Lily and gone nuclear. According to her, Lily has been acting horribly towards her ever since we got

[00:20:11] engaged and is now actively trying to break us up and I'm treating her with kid gloves because of her mental condition. She said that she feels bad for Lily but what Lily is asking me was to destroy Myla's life and hoping to take her back. According to her, Lily has a successful career and well enough to function in every other aspect of her life except when it comes to me. So even though she has a mental illness, it cannot be as bad as everyone makes it out to be. I thought about it and told Myla that

[00:20:41] the main reason why I did not react drastically to the email was because after all these years, Lily is nothing more than a stranger to me. I've barely had a meaningful conversation with her for the last four years and never really wanted to learn anything about how she is doing. It's true that we once shared a bond but I've just moved on and have no time for a drama. My mind is filled with all happy thoughts about our wedding and I did not want to give importance to a letter from someone who has no place in my life anymore. I again brought up the topic of Myla posting

[00:21:10] the letter on Instagram to get back at Lily. I told her that while I feel it is a very bad idea and it would just give Lily fodder to continue the drama. Myla told me that she never really intended to post a letter online and it was originally my mother's idea and she really hates Lily for what she did to me. She said that she cannot be as patient as me and is really mad at Lily. She cannot shake the feeling that Lily might do something awful during the wedding day and Myla is anxious about it. I told Myla that her well-being is my main

[00:21:39] concern and we should talk about the letter to at least some of my close friends so they can keep an eye on Lily. I called all three of my friends who are mutual friends with Lily the next day and told them about the letter and also about our concerns about Lily. All of them confirmed that Lily has not been doing well recently and has had many BPD episodes. She has called them for help regarding that and Lily's mom is currently staying with her to help her through the issues. None of them were surprised as Lily has been repeating to them that I am only

[00:22:08] dating Myla to punish her and she feels she has suffered enough for her mistakes in her past and I should take her back now as we are even. She has also said some scary stuff regarding Myla and how Myla is stealing me from her and she is in a fight of her life. They also told me that she has been following every post Myla makes on social media using fake accounts. All of them tried to dissuade her from contacting me but I guess the email was the final straw. I wish they would have told me sooner but I can understand they wanted to protect Lily's privacy.

[00:22:38] I asked all of my friends to please keep me informed if Lily said or planned something I need to know. I feel I was underreacting to the email but now I am really worried about it. I talked to Myla and we decided we should reply to Lily's email and calmly tell her to fuck off. We wrote her an email yesterday and put down our thoughts. I wrote to Lily that I understand that the news about Myla and me was difficult for her. I wrote that my decision to get married to Myla is important to me and we are starting a new chapter in our lives. I have forgiven her for

[00:23:08] any issues that happened between us in the past and I hope that she also remembers our time together fondly and moves on to better things in life. I told her that I hope she finds a lot of support in friends, family and therapy but we will take a break from conversation now and it would be best for both of us to move forward and find our own paths of happiness. I also wrote that this is the last email to her and to not contact us again in the future. We are still worried about Lily and hopefully the email tells her that I am not punishing her and I just want to move on with my life.

[00:23:37] We are also worried if she might show up to the wedding as BPD can be unpredictable and have decided to hire security for the wedding. Currently Myla seems to be in a good place after we wrote the letter together. I want Myla to understand that she is the most important person to me and no letters from Lily can shake my feelings for her. I really don't know what the right thing was to do here is. It was not ideal for this to happen so close to the wedding date but honestly I hope things calm down and Lily gets the support

[00:24:07] she needs. Again thanks for all the help from the community. I really appreciate it and any further advice is also appreciated. Fly Flirty says this is probably not over if she has been saying those types of things to your friends. Definitely hire security at the wedding making sure everyone has her picture and I would add additional security measures at home as well. Lily sounds very unstable and likely spirals further as the wedding approaches. I am glad Myla is in a better place. It is always helpful when people communicate as adults.

[00:24:37] The world is on fire says I doubt the drama with Lily is over but I am glad that you and Myla seem to have come together and you have reassured her and made sure your focus is on your pending marriage and preserving your relationship. I also think the email to Lily was a smart move. Keep your eyes and ears open for further drama. If you haven't already hire security for the wedding just in case. Opie says I was advised that replying to the email would be the right thing to do. I was told to be as calm and as precise as possible to tell Lily that this is over and

[00:25:06] to not keep any hopes for the future. I was also told to tell her that I am not punishing her. Hope the email helps her get closure and move on with her life. And Joking Around says please understand your ex has BPD which is a personality disorder. This cannot be treated by medication only years of intense therapy. It isn't going to disappear with a calm email. She'd be convinced Myla made you write it. She isn't going to remember your time together fondly and move on. It's not possible for someone with BPD.

[00:25:35] I'm sorry my friend. You need to take precautions. And there was a lot of people after that one saying that goodbye email isn't going to change anything. But what do you guys make of this situation? How would you handle it if you was OP? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much for being involved and hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:26:04] Take care and much love. Wake up. Get up. Stretch my face. Brush my teeth up. Watch my face. Don't mind. I can smell the smoke from the bacon. Let's go. See the shine shining from the wind.