My Boyfriend Said He Pretends I'm My Sister When We're Intimate "As A Joke" r/Relationships

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[00:00:31] Hey, it's Waffle Gang. I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories.

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[00:00:41] Maybe that notification bell too? Let's crack on with today's first story.

[00:00:47] Now, today's first story comes from the true off my chest. I read it with an update of course from Hot Relative 69 who says

[00:00:54] my boyfriend said he wishes he was with my sister.

[00:00:58] I 23 female have been with my boyfriend 26 male for about 4 years.

[00:01:04] I met him through my sister 27 female who's been his best friend since freshman year.

[00:01:09] She's a lesbian and getting married to a girlfriend in October.

[00:01:13] Me and her have always been close, usual sibling stuff.

[00:01:17] Sometimes we fought but always resolved it because she's my best friend.

[00:01:22] Appearance have always been supportive of both of us.

[00:01:25] And when she came out, our parents basically said oh yeah we know, when can we meet her?

[00:01:30] I've always had issues with guys getting close to me for my sister because she is the prettier and more outgoing between us.

[00:01:38] She's always helped me build up my confidence and made jokes about me becoming lesbian to avoid the awkward guys.

[00:01:45] My boyfriend always flattered me told me how I'm as one and only.

[00:01:50] I can't wait to start a family with me and all that stuff.

[00:01:54] He was my first kiss, the one I lost my virginity too, or the cliche hallmark movie stuff.

[00:02:00] Well last night after we finished having sex he randomly said you know sometimes I pretend when we're fucking that I'm with your sister.

[00:02:09] He saw the way I looked at him I guess and immediately backpedaled saying a few years ago not anymore.

[00:02:15] I don't know why I said that I'm sorry and kept apologizing and trying to make what he said less bad I guess.

[00:02:21] I asked him straight up if he was cheating on me with my sister and he denied it, saying that he was just high off the sex and didn't know why he said that because it wasn't true.

[00:02:31] I'm currently at my sisters and her girlfriend's apartment sobbing my eyes out because I don't know what I did wrong.

[00:02:38] I thought I had finally found a guy who liked me, not my sister but I was wrong.

[00:02:44] I feel like I've thrown out years of my life for him for absolutely nothing.

[00:02:49] He's been blowing up my phone and at first it was, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it, come back babe but now he's saying stuff like I knew you were the crazy one.

[00:02:58] You can't take a joke.

[00:03:00] I feel like I don't even know my boyfriend anymore.

[00:03:03] There was always some comments with OP's reply so BGB says who would definitely not look crazy on that can't take a joke.

[00:03:11] It's crazy to think that what he said was okay. It was hurtful and absolutely a shit thing to say.

[00:03:17] I'm sorry but you deserve better.

[00:03:20] OP says I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to do at this point.

[00:03:23] My parents have been hinting he's asked about proposing and everything felt like it was going perfect until the other day.

[00:03:29] Rick as Scottie says, sheesh what an asshole.

[00:03:33] I also don't think there's any coming back from that one.

[00:03:36] I'm sorry OP but at least he showed you his true colours before things got too serious.

[00:03:41] You'll find someone who loves you for you.

[00:03:44] You're not crazy at all so you didn't even give that a second thought.

[00:03:47] That clearly wasn't a joke and trust me, I've said some out of pocket jokes but would never say something like that to my partner especially after sex.

[00:03:55] I know it hurts but if you have any respect for yourself you're end things with that loser.

[00:04:00] I'm very sorry I'm best of luck.

[00:04:03] OP says thank you. I just don't know if he was joking because he's always made dark humour about how me and my sister

[00:04:10] had just the same people but with different sexual preferences.

[00:04:13] I feel like there's a chance you might have meant it in a funny way.

[00:04:16] I just took it wrong but I really don't know anymore.

[00:04:20] Rick as Scottie then replies to OP again so I don't know.

[00:04:23] I really hate to say this but it kinda seems like he's in love with your sister.

[00:04:27] And since he can't have her he settled for the next best thing.

[00:04:30] Obviously I could be very wrong and I hope I am but it's red flags all over the place.

[00:04:35] One thing for sure you need to have a serious talk and don't fall for his bullshit lies, he's gonna try to feed you.

[00:04:41] The fact that he's already calling you crazy shows narcissistic behaviour.

[00:04:45] OP replies saying, I'll probably meet up tomorrow with him and my sister and her girlfriend as a backup since we have the day off and talk.

[00:04:53] But I'm not sure what to even say anymore.

[00:04:56] And there is just absolutely no coming back from that.

[00:05:01] When those words, what goes through your brain to say something like that?

[00:05:06] What was your end game in that she was gonna go oh really?

[00:05:10] She's lying there.

[00:05:11] Yeah like I said there'd be absolutely no coming back for me whatsoever.

[00:05:16] Another commenter says people make mistakes but even I as a dude got to say I couldn't continue to be with someone if they wish they had someone else instead of me.

[00:05:24] The whole time it would be thinking when is my exo gonna drop me for someone else.

[00:05:29] I would not have the peace of mind knowing he has met someone better than me in any metric.

[00:05:34] The nail in the coffin is him gaslighting you.

[00:05:37] Seems like there's more to this guy than he has led you to believe.

[00:05:40] You're still fairly young so I wish you do find someone that deserves you.

[00:05:45] In a final comment from Kazee who says honestly,

[00:05:48] I'm even being able to think about your sister that way after being with you for almost four years is extremely gross.

[00:05:54] My wife has sisters, one younger two older and while they are beautiful girls to me they are my sisters too.

[00:06:01] I view them the same as I do my own blood related sisters.

[00:06:04] The thought of having sex with one of them is gross and weird.

[00:06:07] After four years he should be the same way.

[00:06:10] Really, he should have found that way the whole time.

[00:06:13] So with that being said, please take into consideration what kind of man he is deep to his core.

[00:06:18] Not only think that way but to tell you about it.

[00:06:21] I'd be worried about years down in the road having around nieces or cousins because obviously there's some weird thing of they aren't my family.

[00:06:29] Just my thoughts and opinions you do you wish you all the best either way.

[00:06:34] Also you should never feel like a consolation prize.

[00:06:37] Man who truly loves you will go out of this way to make sure you know that you are as world.

[00:06:43] So, OP does come in with an update and says well I met up with my boyfriend and our apartment a day after my first post.

[00:06:50] Along with my sister and her girlfriend who I'll be calling Mel.

[00:06:54] Immediately he asked why we're having an intervention and interrupting his game night.

[00:06:59] I asked him to turn the computer off and come to the living room and then minutes later he did after finishing a fortnight match.

[00:07:06] I asked him if what he said he actually meant and he asked my sister and her girlfriend to leave so they went into the kitchen.

[00:07:13] He said he didn't mean it and he already forgot it happened even though I haven't been home in four days.

[00:07:19] I told him to pack his shit and leave and he refused and got up to do who knows what.

[00:07:25] My sister and Mel came in and told him to go again refused saying it was his house.

[00:07:31] I asked where his name was on the rent and he said it didn't matter because he lived there.

[00:07:35] So, I took the initiative for once in my life.

[00:07:38] He hay you me and went into our room pulled out a duffel bag and started packing for him.

[00:07:44] My ex started following me getting panicked and saying he would pack but to just leave the room so he could.

[00:07:49] Well, I didn't trust him with my stuff as I have a lot of antique jewelry and stuff.

[00:07:54] I'm a thrifty gal what can I say?

[00:07:57] Which I definitely didn't want him to take.

[00:07:59] In the bottom of the duffel bag was several condom wrappers and I opened once.

[00:08:03] No, we never put our condom trash into a duffel bag after sex.

[00:08:07] No, didn't loan it to a friend.

[00:08:10] Whatever could have happened you may be wondering.

[00:08:13] Grasp me your phone in anticipation.

[00:08:15] He answered he's a cheating piece of shit.

[00:08:19] He saw I found it inclined he was sleeping with my sister.

[00:08:22] You know, my lesbian sister?

[00:08:25] At sister.

[00:08:26] Mel, me and my sister told him to cut the BS near five minutes to pack before we called the cops.

[00:08:32] My sister, the lesbian said if anything was missing we would file a report.

[00:08:37] After he left who knows where?

[00:08:39] Me and the girls had a cry fest.

[00:08:41] Okay, just me.

[00:08:42] And my sister kept telling me she would never sleep with anyone I was with.

[00:08:46] Mel or not which I obviously believe.

[00:08:48] He's been blowing up my phone.

[00:08:50] My sister's phone.

[00:08:51] Mel's phone.

[00:08:52] I don't know how we got it with him saying he's homeless and he wants me back or wants my sister

[00:08:57] and calling Mel an effing sinner slur.

[00:09:01] He's been blocked and hopefully out of our lives for good.

[00:09:04] Thank you guys for giving me the support and strength to leave him.

[00:09:07] It means a lot that strangers they never have met care.

[00:09:11] They safe everyone.

[00:09:13] And a couple of the top comments after this one, depending on key says F that guy and glad you're at their relationship.

[00:09:19] Hope you're just thank you and I am too.

[00:09:21] They hurt for a bit which is why I didn't update immediately.

[00:09:24] But now I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders.

[00:09:27] Plus now I get to redecorate my apartment without him vetoing any colours or plants.

[00:09:32] Thanks again says what an insane play claiming to be sleeping with the sister while she's there to instantly disprove it.

[00:09:39] I can already see what kind of guy he is.

[00:09:41] Let me finish my fortnight game before this clearly important conversation.

[00:09:47] OPU dodged a bullet in the long run but sorry that happens to you.

[00:09:51] OPU says he's not even good at fortnight.

[00:09:54] Use my account because I had unlocked all the skins and such when I played.

[00:09:58] I like the little gaming dig right at the end there.

[00:10:02] He's shit at gaming as well, holy moly.

[00:10:05] But yeah it sort of does say what kind of person he is that he would say this initially

[00:10:10] and then you know when he's confronted by it by all these people.

[00:10:13] He claims that he was having some sort of affair with the sister at the same time.

[00:10:16] Not just like hold your hands up and saying alright yeah I'm out of here kind of thing.

[00:10:20] Just like doubling down holy shit.

[00:10:23] Now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:10:25] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:10:27] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:10:30] And let's move on to another story.

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[00:11:35] And our next story comes from the relationship advice subreddit does having an update as well.

[00:11:43] And says, when I say our bathroom or our house etc my husband always has to point out that it is house etc.

[00:11:52] Opie starts off.

[00:11:54] He stops me and say my house and when I get upset he goes it's my house but since I'm yours you get to live in it.

[00:12:00] Or something similar.

[00:12:02] It makes me feel so shitty when he does that.

[00:12:05] He sort of does it jokingly but it happens without fail almost every time.

[00:12:09] And I've tried to tell him it's hurtful and he just laughs and said he's kidding.

[00:12:13] The context, we, sorry, he, for the house last year right before we got married.

[00:12:19] I was a part of the entire process since we already lived together.

[00:12:22] We put his savings into the down payment that was his name on everything for obvious reasons.

[00:12:29] I'd recently spent the last of my savings to pay off student loans and was only doing freelance remote work.

[00:12:34] I wasn't really bringing in much money, I was trying to focus on my mental health.

[00:12:39] He has a really good paying job and always said he was happy to support me.

[00:12:43] I've even talked about getting a job in my field again if that would make him happy.

[00:12:48] He assured me I don't need to.

[00:12:50] Cool.

[00:12:51] And now it just feels like because his money is what buys mostly everything but I'm some mooch just living off of him.

[00:12:58] Mind you, I'm pregnant with our first kid due very soon.

[00:13:02] This was all discussed extensively that I was to be a stay at home mom.

[00:13:07] So why does he feel they need to hurt me like that?

[00:13:10] Does he secretly wish I was working and bringing home more money?

[00:13:13] Does he think I'm pathetic?

[00:13:15] It makes me feel like I'm a fucking roommate who hasn't paid rent and he's doing me a favor.

[00:13:20] And another thing that confuses me is if my parents or relatives ever want to give us anything

[00:13:25] like a wedding or a baby shower gift, he gets annoyed because he wants to be the one to buy that stuff for us

[00:13:31] and doesn't want to rely on other people.

[00:13:34] Edits.

[00:13:35] To answer and address some common questions.

[00:13:37] One there was no prenup and no mention of wanting to keep assets split after marriage.

[00:13:42] I have a joint bank account and I also maintain my own account under just my name.

[00:13:47] Two.

[00:13:48] Some people suggested he just wants to feel appreciated.

[00:13:51] I know that's not the case because one explicitly hates being thanked.

[00:13:55] He says it makes him feel like he's doing it just for the praise and that makes him feel shitty.

[00:14:00] Two.

[00:14:01] I find ways of showing my appreciation by cooking, cleaning, managing everything in the home, taking care of him etc.

[00:14:07] Three.

[00:14:08] I don't want to betray him as some controlling asshole who doesn't let me do things.

[00:14:12] It's tough to paint an accurate picture since I don't want to give out my entire relationship story on Reddit.

[00:14:17] I have freedom to do whatever I want and he is supportive.

[00:14:20] It's just little things like this that make me question his deeper feelings.

[00:14:23] Even though any time it comes up he reassures me he's happy to support me and doesn't think I'm any less than he is.

[00:14:29] Or want to be a stay at home mom.

[00:14:32] I don't want to put my child in daycare.

[00:14:34] Here and I both feel that way.

[00:14:36] The possibility of remote work is still there too if I feel like I can balance both.

[00:14:41] But I think the deeper issue lies in our communication and that's on me too.

[00:14:46] Five.

[00:14:47] After taking into consideration the comments in different perspectives here.

[00:14:50] I'm going to address him tomorrow.

[00:14:52] Today was bad because he worked late and was exhausted and tried to be as open about how I feel as I can.

[00:14:59] I'll update here when I do.

[00:15:01] Thanks to everyone who felt the need to help.

[00:15:03] I do feel very validated in my concern at the very least.

[00:15:06] When I talk comment on this one with OP's reply says he's doing it to remind you that to him it is in fact his house.

[00:15:13] He's told him it hurts you and he continues to do it.

[00:15:16] More than never advise anyone become a stay at home mom without a prenup or no clause that entitles you to compensation for every year you give up being in the workforce.

[00:15:24] If he divorces you all you get sick of the bare minimum behavior in the future.

[00:15:28] Do not be surprised when he says you haven't contributed anything to my household and aren't entitled to any when you leave.

[00:15:36] Regardless if you've been put in an unpaid physical and mental labor to make his life easier for enable him to have a child.

[00:15:42] He may not value it. He's clearly telling you every time that what he has is so generously bestowing on you.

[00:15:49] Which means he doesn't consider you as true partners.

[00:15:52] Stay independent, get a part-time remote job and save every penny to put away for you and your future because he won't be looking out for you with that mindset.

[00:16:01] And I absolutely agree with that comment.

[00:16:05] If you're nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home mom if it works for your family etc. etc.

[00:16:10] But you have to be protected as well because it is a full-time job and if things don't eventually work out

[00:16:17] you may find yourself in a really scary situation with little to fall back on.

[00:16:23] Now I find that terrifying for the stories that we read like this.

[00:16:27] O.P. replies to that comment and says to clarify some things I do have access to our joint finances can spend money when I want or need to.

[00:16:34] He doesn't complain about my spending his money though he does get a text alert for every single transaction so take that how you will.

[00:16:41] I wanted to be a stay at home mom. That's what I always envisioned and I was excited he envisioned that too.

[00:16:47] And also the one that has all the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc.

[00:16:52] And take care of him in all the non-financial ways. So I thought that was a fair trade for him working to support us.

[00:16:58] He's not controlling over any aspect of my life which is why all these comments saying he's controlling a narcissistic or shocking.

[00:17:05] Maybe there's truth there maybe I've been too blind to see it.

[00:17:09] I'm going to do some deep considering before I discuss anything with him.

[00:17:13] Or we'll start looking for jobs again soon or at least start accepting more freelance work.

[00:17:19] O.P. comes in with an update and says thanks to everyone who commented.

[00:17:22] I was honestly shocked that I got so much attention and that's so many people felt compelled to help.

[00:17:27] I ended up talking to him a few nights ago after I got all my thoughts down on paper and felt emotionally ready to talk about it.

[00:17:33] I said, when you point out that it's your house or that you pay for this and that it makes me feel like I'm an unwanted guest in your house.

[00:17:40] I've told you how this makes me feel but you still do it which makes me feel like this isn't just a joke like you claim.

[00:17:47] I want to feel like an equal partner in our relationship especially since we'll be bringing a child into the world so soon.

[00:17:53] When we're engaged we are both so excited to go house hunting together and make it our home, for us and our future kids.

[00:18:00] You told me you were more than happy to continue working so that I could stay home to take care of the house and kids and dogs but lately it feels like you resent me for it.

[00:18:08] Now that I'm bringing our child into the world I want to make sure there's no hostility or resentment between us.

[00:18:14] Now I want to hear your side because currently I just feel hurt and I'm worried this will keep building if I don't address it now.

[00:18:20] If me going back to work and contributing to the mortgage is what you want, despite what you said to me a year ago, let's talk about it.

[00:18:29] So I read that to him and he immediately said that he never meant anything by it that was stupid and immature of him and that did work on it.

[00:18:36] He didn't realise it hurt me so much.

[00:18:39] After talking it through a little he said he thinks it might stem from growing up poor and finally building a comfortable life for himself.

[00:18:46] It agreed that it also has to be an ego thing and maybe stems from the fact that his dad couldn't take care of their family, his mom had to work two to three jobs.

[00:18:54] He said he wants me to feel like an equal partner and wants me to feel at home in our house.

[00:18:59] I also asked about putting my name on the deed and he said he would.

[00:19:03] I do think he means what he says, but I also need him to prove with his actions and words for me to be truly comfortable.

[00:19:09] But we're moving in the right direction and I'm glad I was able to express that to him. Thanks again for all the advice.

[00:19:16] The rounder says watch his actions not as words, he needs to actually put you on the deed. You need to be fully a team.

[00:19:23] Oopie says I agree, only Tom will tell if he means what he said.

[00:19:27] Rounder says did you look into your rights locally? If you were married then you may own half of the house anyway.

[00:19:32] Oopie says it's my understanding that in PA since its pre-marital asset and not directly contributing to the mortgage,

[00:19:39] it would be entirely his end divorce if my name isn't on it.

[00:19:43] Rounder replies again 10, okay then he needs to make this fair.

[00:19:47] If you're contributing to the family by raising their children home making, then you need to have financial assets as well.

[00:19:53] Or else you are very vulnerable to being abused and having difficulty leaving.

[00:19:57] Oopie adds another update and says I'm shaking and crying as I write this.

[00:20:01] I now understand all the red flag comments on my last post. I didn't see it. I trusted him.

[00:20:07] So fucking stupid.

[00:20:09] Here's what happened. He went on a work trip this week and promised we would sort the house deed stuff when he comes back.

[00:20:15] His apology sounded genuine and I believed him as much as I could without the proof yet.

[00:20:20] The day I just had a weird feeling in my body. He texts about work have been really updating, like constantly telling me what he's doing or where he's going.

[00:20:29] I didn't think anything of it until earlier.

[00:20:32] When he said he was taking a nap and wouldn't be on his phone for a few hours.

[00:20:36] This is weird because the man despises his naps.

[00:20:39] If fuck up his sleep and he feels like shit after.

[00:20:42] So I checked this Google Play account from my home PC.

[00:20:45] His Google account is always logged in. He probably doesn't know I know this but I can see what apps he has or recently had installed on his phone.

[00:20:53] Why this is important?

[00:20:55] When we were dating he had a severe sexting addiction.

[00:20:58] We broke up because of it.

[00:21:00] That's a spissions and caught him but we ended up getting back together after he swore up and down and had stopped and even gave me permission to look at his phone whenever I wanted.

[00:21:08] I eventually stopped checking because I trusted him.

[00:21:11] A few years have passed and we're obviously now married with a baby on the way.

[00:21:15] I've trusted him. Our intimacy has basically died since I got pregnant but I blame that more on myself than him because I just don't feel in the mood or sexy.

[00:21:23] He never tried anything so I didn't have to reject him.

[00:21:27] It was just like he felt it too I guess. I thought that was normal.

[00:21:31] So anyways, I looked at his account and saw that he had all the apps he used to use for sexting and installed and recently used on his phone.

[00:21:38] Snapchat, Telegram, WhatsApp, Instagram, Tumblr.

[00:21:41] But the worst one, the one that broke my heart seeing is that he has Tinder installed.

[00:21:46] Does that mean his work trips is actually fucking people?

[00:21:49] He's had a lot of work trips to the past few months since he won't be able to travel for a while when baby arrives.

[00:21:56] I'm devastated and angry and I feel so stupid that I was making excuses for him and trying to paint him in a bed of light when everyone was telling me to run.

[00:22:04] Now, I don't know what to do.

[00:22:06] I want to call him and tell him I know but the only evidence I had is screenshots from the Google Play website showing they were installed and recently used.

[00:22:13] I want to get real evidence because I know he'll answer everything before he's back.

[00:22:17] Part of me wants to just leave and go to my parents house four hours away with a picture printed out for him to find him when he gets back.

[00:22:24] I don't think that will solve anything.

[00:22:26] Help.

[00:22:27] And the majority of the comments on this one were saying to lawyer up and follow what the lawyer says to a T.

[00:22:35] But that's an incredibly sad situation to be in.

[00:22:40] An OP shouldn't feel stupid in this situation, yes.

[00:22:44] You know people are all telling OP to run but it's very different when you're in it.

[00:22:48] You know we read these stories all the time and we can see patterns in behavior etc.

[00:22:54] But when you're living this stuff and there is, behaviors are normalized.

[00:22:58] It's got to be incredibly difficult right?

[00:23:01] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:23:03] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:23:05] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:23:08] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved into these stories.

[00:23:12] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me.

[00:23:16] So thank you so so much and hopefully I see you in the next one.

[00:23:20] Take care and much love.

[00:23:45] You

[00:24:15] You