My Boyfriend Refused To Sign His Divorce Papers As His Ex Showed Up With A Baby Bump r/Relationships

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[00:00:38] My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories.

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[00:00:48] And let's crack on with today's first story.

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[00:00:52] Now today's first story comes from the true off my chest subreddit from Programmer Massive

[00:00:57] who says,

[00:00:59] My female 30 boyfriend male 40 refused to sign his divorce papers because his ex showed

[00:01:04] up with a baby bump.

[00:01:06] My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit over a year now.

[00:01:10] He was married before and they broke up because my boyfriend wanted children.

[00:01:14] This was a couple of years ago.

[00:01:16] Now they have been separated for two years and can start the divorce.

[00:01:20] When I met him, he was honest with me about him wanting children, a dream I shared with

[00:01:25] him.

[00:01:26] He hadn't seen or talked to his ex since the separation.

[00:01:29] We were supposed to get engaged once the divorce is finalized but they both need to sign the

[00:01:33] papers or it could drag.

[00:01:36] I was worried that she wouldn't sign because from what I heard from my boyfriend's family,

[00:01:40] she's crazy about him and didn't want a divorce.

[00:01:44] Little did I know that it would come from him.

[00:01:46] I went with him to her lawyer's office where they would make it final.

[00:01:50] I wanted to support him.

[00:01:52] She wasn't what I expected.

[00:01:54] She wasn't devastated like my boyfriend's family expected.

[00:01:58] She looked serene, beautiful, lovely and totally over my boyfriend.

[00:02:03] She had her hand on a very pregnant belly.

[00:02:06] She was pleasant to me and she basically knew who I was.

[00:02:09] She cared so little to even act like she didn't know anything about her soon to be ex's

[00:02:14] and his new girlfriend.

[00:02:16] She admitted that she knew through mutual friends and that she kept following his news.

[00:02:21] She was happy that he looked happy.

[00:02:24] My boyfriend was shocked.

[00:02:25] She asked how he was.

[00:02:27] Instead of answering her, he started yelling at her and shaking with anger slash anguish.

[00:02:33] He refused to sign the papers and told her he would make her life miserable.

[00:02:38] She was very distraught but he told her to stop acting confused.

[00:02:42] She knew what she did and he left.

[00:02:45] He even forgot that I was there when he left.

[00:02:48] I half apologized but she said that I didn't need to.

[00:02:52] She apologized instead.

[00:02:54] And her lawyer asked if he could drive her home because he didn't want her driving while

[00:02:58] shaking.

[00:02:59] He asked me if I too needed a ride.

[00:03:02] I said that I could take an Uber but he insisted.

[00:03:05] The drive was awkward.

[00:03:07] I found out that her partner was away on business and they have been together for almost 2 years.

[00:03:13] When I got home, I was exhausted.

[00:03:15] My boyfriend didn't call or text or anything.

[00:03:18] I called his mom and she said to give him time because he loved me and to be patient

[00:03:23] because he just needed time.

[00:03:25] But what time?

[00:03:27] This was Thursday.

[00:03:29] Today he came with breakfast and said that he needed time.

[00:03:32] I asked if he was signing the papers and he said no.

[00:03:35] Then that he didn't want to talk about it but to trust him that he needed time.

[00:03:39] In other words, he doesn't want to discuss what happened with me.

[00:03:43] It's the next day.

[00:03:45] I got her side of the story.

[00:03:46] I had a long talk with her and she was crying all the time and saying how sorry she was

[00:03:50] about what happened.

[00:03:51] They were together since they were 19 and very early both agreed that they didn't want

[00:03:56] children.

[00:03:57] They are both 40.

[00:03:59] About 4-5 years ago, she fell pregnant.

[00:04:02] He wanted to keep it but she didn't.

[00:04:05] Their relationship deteriorated rapidly after the abortion.

[00:04:08] According to her, he was very broken afterwards and she tried everything to make it work.

[00:04:14] She loved him and didn't want a separation.

[00:04:17] He ended the marriage anyway because he said that he couldn't stay together anymore.

[00:04:20] For her, she too had trauma after the abortion.

[00:04:25] When she fell pregnant with her new boyfriend, she decided that she couldn't do it again

[00:04:28] and decided to keep the baby even if the relationship is very new.

[00:04:33] Her boyfriend seems to be very supportive but she said even if he wasn't, she made

[00:04:38] the choice to keep her baby even if the father didn't want to be a part of it.

[00:04:42] So in other words, her abortion changed her as well as it changed my boyfriend.

[00:04:47] I believe her.

[00:04:48] She seemed very genuine.

[00:04:50] She said that she was happy that he had moved on and that she thought that I seemed great

[00:04:55] because she hurt him and he was always a great husband and partner and deserved someone great

[00:04:59] and amazing like him.

[00:05:01] I told her that my boyfriend probably thinks that she wanted children, just not with him.

[00:05:07] She started crying.

[00:05:08] She said that she wouldn't blame him for thinking that and that he doesn't know how

[00:05:12] she would make him believe that it wasn't the case.

[00:05:15] When she had the abortion and was regretful, she couldn't burden him with her trauma and

[00:05:20] tell him that because she didn't want to put more salt to the wound.

[00:05:24] That her regret came too little, too late.

[00:05:27] I don't know.

[00:05:28] I feel for her and for him.

[00:05:31] I want him to understand that things happen sometimes without it being someone's fault.

[00:05:36] She didn't reject him as a father to her children.

[00:05:38] Her experience with her own body is what changed, not her experience with him.

[00:05:42] Will he understand that and come to me?

[00:05:45] I love him and want him to know that I have chosen him.

[00:05:49] We start in the comments with Permanently Partial who says,

[00:05:53] The lawyer sees a lot of people at their worst and he was worried about both of you, not

[00:05:57] just his pregnant client.

[00:05:59] Please care about yourself at least as much as a lawyer who could easily have let you

[00:06:03] take the Uber.

[00:06:05] Convivial Cat says, Wait, he left you?

[00:06:08] He left you?

[00:06:10] Just drove away and left you?

[00:06:12] Someone went radio silent for days and then just showed up and said you need to give him

[00:06:17] time.

[00:06:18] Holy crap girl, please pick up your dignity up off the floor, dust it off and start using

[00:06:23] it.

[00:06:24] He left you?

[00:06:25] I'm so gobsmacked you didn't just immediately block him on everything because he showed you

[00:06:29] who he is.

[00:06:30] Believe him.

[00:06:31] No wonder the woman didn't want to have kids with this guy.

[00:06:34] He's wacko and he threatened her in front of her attorney.

[00:06:38] Ugly ugly ugly.

[00:06:41] LCLnything says, So he's mad that his ex is pregnant by her partner and he's announced

[00:06:46] that he's going to make her life difficult.

[00:06:48] Who knows the circumstances of a pregnancy?

[00:06:51] People change their minds all the time but that doesn't excuse him deciding to be an

[00:06:54] ass to Walter because she couldn't or wouldn't get pregnant while being in a relationship

[00:06:59] with him.

[00:07:00] I asked if he was signing the papers and he said no.

[00:07:03] Then says, Now all the plans you two had are out the window or on hold because he's so

[00:07:07] focused on being an ass.

[00:07:09] There's no way in hell I'll stay with this walking red flag.

[00:07:13] One he's too old to be behaving like that and there's no way your relationship isn't

[00:07:17] affected by this unless you don't have any self respect.

[00:07:22] And there were some questions that was sort of like before the edit as well.

[00:07:26] But then OP did come in with her update and says, I will make my update short.

[00:07:30] My boyfriend apologized and ended our relationship.

[00:07:34] He kissed me and told me that he loved me and that I deserve much better than someone

[00:07:37] like him.

[00:07:38] He realized that he wasn't ready to move on and bring an innocent third party to his

[00:07:43] mess.

[00:07:44] He needs time to heal before starting something new.

[00:07:47] Now he just wants to travel and have one night stands and live a single life.

[00:07:50] He apologized profusely.

[00:07:53] We met at the wrong time.

[00:07:54] He also said something that made me start crying uncontrollably.

[00:07:58] I felt that he would rather raise someone else's child than start a family with me

[00:08:02] like we were planning and dreaming.

[00:08:04] He said he had asked about his ex in her life and a new boyfriend from mutual friends.

[00:08:09] They haven't been together for long so there's a chance that the relationship doesn't work.

[00:08:13] He would then try to reconnect with her.

[00:08:16] Yes, that's his plan.

[00:08:17] I almost threw up listening to his wishful thinking.

[00:08:21] I told him to leave.

[00:08:22] He apologized again.

[00:08:23] He has not called or texted since.

[00:08:27] In the comments on the update, Divorce Life says, refusing to get divorced because she's

[00:08:31] pregnant by another man and he wants to raise that baby is wild.

[00:08:36] You dodged a bullet.

[00:08:37] Even without the pregnancy, he was going to stay obsessed with her.

[00:08:41] Opie says he apologized to her and signed the paperwork.

[00:08:44] His mom said that he was just in shock but he did it.

[00:08:48] Hugh Customer says, Did you tell his ex?

[00:08:50] I feel like this kind of unhinged thinking is something his ex should know about.

[00:08:54] To protect her and her baby.

[00:08:56] Opie says yes, I texted her.

[00:08:58] She called me crying and she apologized for everything.

[00:09:01] She doesn't seem alarmed by his wishful thoughts.

[00:09:05] And I'm glad that final question did come up because I was certainly thinking about

[00:09:08] that towards the end.

[00:09:09] I think, wow, you know, the ex needs to know about what he's thinking about here.

[00:09:13] It sounds really quite unhinged.

[00:09:15] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:09:19] Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story.

[00:09:25] And our next story comes from Automatic Border 791 and says, Am I the arsehole for leaving

[00:09:31] my 24 male, girlfriend 23 female to babysit alone when she never asked me to stay?

[00:09:38] My girlfriend babysits for her cousins on her days off a few times a month for extra

[00:09:43] cash.

[00:09:44] I tend to help out when I'm also off, or after work if they're still there because

[00:09:48] I'm an older sibling from a big household and do well with kids.

[00:09:53] She says it's because I'm still half a kid myself.

[00:09:56] Yesterday I got a text from her asking me if I would like to come over.

[00:10:00] I get to her place and we chat for a while, all while she keeps trying to offer me a beer

[00:10:05] or a drink which I continuously turn down because I had plans with my dad that night,

[00:10:10] a late birthday celebration since it was raining like piss out of boot on the actual day.

[00:10:16] She didn't say anything about it but looking back I think she made a face but I'm not

[00:10:20] sure.

[00:10:21] We hung out a bit more and I still had 2 hours before I had to go pick up my dad and her

[00:10:25] cousin pulled up.

[00:10:27] Unsurprising it's my girlfriend's day off.

[00:10:29] She handles the kids well.

[00:10:31] Well then instead of the usual 2 children, there were 5.

[00:10:36] Apparently one of the kids wanted to have a sleepover at their aunt's house and invited

[00:10:40] 3 friends.

[00:10:41] My girlfriend kept staring at me from the corner of her eye and I knew she wanted me

[00:10:46] to cancel my plans with my dad to take care of these kids but I waited for her to ask

[00:10:51] or to say anything about it but she didn't so I didn't.

[00:10:55] I tried to help while I was there, took her dog outside and tried to wear them down racing

[00:11:00] him, lol, and then ordered pizza.

[00:11:03] They weren't bad kids or even very rowdy, mostly excited.

[00:11:07] I left at around the time I had originally intended and my girlfriend didn't say anything

[00:11:12] but clearly wasn't happy.

[00:11:14] The night with my dad went great but uneventful.

[00:11:17] This morning I woke up to a text from her.

[00:11:20] I've never felt as disrespected as I do right now.

[00:11:24] You were meant to be my partner and you abandoned me.

[00:11:27] I needed your help and you left me here to fend for myself.

[00:11:31] What did I do to deserve that?

[00:11:32] Do you hate me?

[00:11:33] Followed by another text saying, I think we need to talk in person.

[00:11:37] Hopi continues, I'm honestly kind of angry myself.

[00:11:40] The more I think about it, she signed up to watch 5 children and then got angry when she

[00:11:45] had to watch 5 children.

[00:11:48] But then I wonder if I'm being too harsh because I do help out whenever I'm there,

[00:11:52] pretty often.

[00:11:53] So there was a certain standard set in her head that I would help.

[00:11:57] I don't know.

[00:11:58] I think I would just like to hear the opinions of strangers before I have this talk and do

[00:12:02] something I regret because I think she's being unfair.

[00:12:05] Am I the arsehole?

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[00:12:43] This is Craig Robinson from Ways to Win and support for this podcast comes from Invesco

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[00:13:03] Let's rethink possibility.

[00:13:06] Invesco Distributors Inc.

[00:13:12] Hell no, not the arsehole in this situation.

[00:13:14] Firstly, you know, she's the one who decided to take on five children.

[00:13:19] Didn't tell you about it.

[00:13:20] I knew you had plans with your dad as well, so that's disrespectful in itself.

[00:13:24] And you know, I can't guarantee but it kind of felt like the way it was written that she

[00:13:29] was trying to get him to have this alcohol so then he couldn't leave.

[00:13:34] Attempting Penguin says not the arsehole.

[00:13:36] One, bad communication.

[00:13:38] She should have asked if she wanted you to stay.

[00:13:40] And two, more alarmingly, it sounds like she was offering you drinks to get you to stay

[00:13:45] and she apparently thinks it's all good to have a buzz slash drunk person babysitting

[00:13:49] children.

[00:13:50] Opioid replies saying, to be fair to her, I don't drink excessively ever.

[00:13:54] And if I were to have had more than a sniff of beer, I wouldn't feel comfortable driving

[00:13:59] for both the obvious as well as personal reasons.

[00:14:02] She had no reason to be concerned I would get sloppy drunk around the kids.

[00:14:06] Still don't like that she did that.

[00:14:08] Don't get me wrong.

[00:14:09] I just don't want people to think she was trying to have a party with them there or something.

[00:14:14] LOL.

[00:14:15] This cat says not the arsehole but your girlfriend is.

[00:14:17] She could have very easily not offered to watch five children by herself.

[00:14:21] She also could have used words and asked you to stay, which almost makes her the arsehole

[00:14:25] because you had plans with your father.

[00:14:27] You didn't sign up or get paid to be a babysitter.

[00:14:30] Please, she kept trying to get you to drink.

[00:14:32] So no, not the arsehole.

[00:14:35] Saint and Villain says not the arsehole.

[00:14:37] You should be incredibly angry at your girlfriend.

[00:14:39] One, she voluntarily signed up for babysitting without telling you but expected you to just

[00:14:45] go along with it.

[00:14:46] Two, she expects you to disappoint your dad to babysit kids you never agreed to babysit.

[00:14:51] Three, she literally tried to give you alcohol to make you stay.

[00:14:55] She knew if you drank, you wouldn't leave.

[00:14:57] Four, she refuses to communicate with you until after the fact.

[00:15:00] Five, she reflected on this entire situation and only sees fault on your end.

[00:15:06] Your girlfriend is dramatic, needy, self-important, and childish.

[00:15:11] One final comment from Sugar who says not the arsehole.

[00:15:14] Let's run this down.

[00:15:15] One, she committed to watching five kids and didn't tell you.

[00:15:18] Two, she tries to put you in a situation where you didn't feel comfortable driving to trap

[00:15:22] you into helping her.

[00:15:24] Three, she tried to make you miss an outing with your dad for his birthday.

[00:15:28] That's just so gross.

[00:15:29] Four, instead of using up a big girl words and asking you for help, you know, like an

[00:15:34] adult, she tried to manipulate you and force you into doing what she wanted.

[00:15:38] Either way, this really makes me wonder how much she's done this in the past and gotten

[00:15:42] away with it because you didn't notice.

[00:15:45] And surely someone who loves you wouldn't do that to you.

[00:15:48] Slash sarcasm at the end.

[00:15:49] Five, instead of accepting her fate and realizing she bit off more than she could chew, she

[00:15:54] chooses to make you the bad guy and treat you poorly.

[00:15:57] OP, none of this is okay.

[00:15:59] I really hope you realize that.

[00:16:01] This isn't how a good partner acts or treats you.

[00:16:04] I'm not saying you need to break up, although those red flags do be red, but you definitely

[00:16:10] need to set boundaries and have a talk about good communication, respect for each other,

[00:16:14] and how you did absolutely nothing wrong.

[00:16:16] And you'll be hearing her apology now.

[00:16:18] Good luck OP, and don't let a gaslight you into thinking that any of this is your fault.

[00:16:23] So then OP did come in with her update and said, so you guys really helped me see some

[00:16:28] things I hadn't considered before.

[00:16:31] Someone mentioned that the offering me a beer to get me to stay was pretty insidious and

[00:16:36] they wondered how many times she did it.

[00:16:38] And I just didn't notice.

[00:16:39] That made me think.

[00:16:41] I started thinking back to how many times I was already there, either having a drink

[00:16:45] on the couch or working on something for her.

[00:16:48] And her cousin's kids showed up either out of the blue or my girlfriend forgot to mention

[00:16:53] that they would be there.

[00:16:54] It made me wonder how much of my decision to help babysit for free was actually my idea.

[00:17:00] I didn't love the idea of being manipulated, but I figured honestly it was a harmless enough

[00:17:05] case and if we talked about it and she apologized it would be no big deal.

[00:17:10] So when I went over to her place the next day I was pretty calm.

[00:17:12] We had texted a little back and forth on the phone but nothing big because I think we both

[00:17:17] wanted to talk in person.

[00:17:19] She was crying before I got there.

[00:17:21] We sat down and she started us off.

[00:17:24] Why did you leave me?

[00:17:25] So I asked her why she didn't ask me to stay.

[00:17:28] She said that she knew I knew and that I was smart enough to know that she would need help

[00:17:34] with 5 children.

[00:17:35] So I asked if I would have gotten any of the money and she looked angry and started going

[00:17:40] on about how she didn't know I had fallen on such hard times and that she would go in

[00:17:45] her purse.

[00:17:47] I rolled my eyes at that, immature I know, and asked if she tried giving me the beer

[00:17:52] so I wouldn't leave and she looked shocked for a minute before answering no.

[00:17:56] That was so obviously a lie I just moved to the next question asking if she had done it

[00:18:02] before.

[00:18:03] She looked angry again and said that if I really thought she would do that we shouldn't

[00:18:07] be in a relationship.

[00:18:09] I knew she was being facetious but honestly I was so done at this point you could stick

[00:18:13] a fork in me.

[00:18:14] So I took her up on it.

[00:18:16] I hadn't intended to break up with her but suddenly when I was given the opening I realized

[00:18:21] I kinda wanted to.

[00:18:22] I still love her don't get me wrong but this wasn't the first time she screamed like that.

[00:18:28] Though it usually wasn't at me.

[00:18:30] I just didn't want to hear it anymore.

[00:18:32] She messaged me the next day apologizing and asking if I saw a future for us but when I

[00:18:37] said no she dropped it.

[00:18:39] Her mom and dad came to my work and I don't know if it was just hilarious timing or if

[00:18:44] they wanted to say goodbye.

[00:18:46] We had a pretty good talk and they confirmed there were no hard feelings with them.

[00:18:50] I didn't ask about my ex because it didn't feel proper but they offered that when she

[00:18:55] had talked to them she had been really embarrassed about the breakup.

[00:18:59] They were hinting that they wanted to know why and I just shrugged.

[00:19:03] I wasn't sure how they would respond and I didn't want to get either of us in hot water

[00:19:07] with them or accidentally start up some kind of reconciliation attempt.

[00:19:12] Thanks for the help.

[00:19:14] I think it would have been interesting if OP did say what exactly happened during that

[00:19:20] you know about the whole alcohol thing and it potentially being a pattern of what's happened

[00:19:26] because clearly the girlfriend was going to say anything about it because she knew she

[00:19:30] was wrong.

[00:19:31] But I certainly don't blame OP for jumping on the breaking up when it was thrown in his

[00:19:36] direction.

[00:19:37] I think she initially just said it to try and get a reaction out of him about it like

[00:19:41] oh no no we shouldn't break up or etc etc but he was like nah sounds like a good plan

[00:19:46] to me.

[00:19:48] But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:19:52] What would you do if you was OP?

[00:19:54] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:19:58] Just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories.

[00:20:01] Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me so thank you

[00:20:05] so much for being involved truly and hopefully I will see you in the next one.

[00:20:10] Take care and much love.