My Boyfriend Made Me Realise How INSECURE My Step-Mom Really Is! | r/Relationships

[00:00:02] [SPEAKER_00] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:21] [SPEAKER_00] Now today's first story comes from MasterTangerine670 from the true off my chest subreddit and it says my mother's boyfriend made me realize how insecure my stepmother is. I feel like I've just gotten to know a new world where I'm basically treated like a person and not a nasty fly. I speak Spanish so if you want to leave a comment in Spanish feel free. My father has been married to my stepmother for six years. They have two kids together.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_00] I'm 17 years old. I'm quiet. I clean all my things. I work part-time so I even pay for a lot of my things. I'm not perfect but I've never been a problem but she always made me feel like one. She started with showing annoyance when I went to my father's house. My mother taught me to always wash my own dishes but I have the clear memory of hearing my stepmother tell my father that she will not clean other people's dishes or cook food for me. I think that was the first time I felt like a nuisance in a place where I used to feel comfortable.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00] My father and I used to always take trips together and I honestly felt a little excited to go on vacation with my little brothers. But they started going on vacation together as a family. I was no longer a part of that family. She didn't like me going with them. Then the Christmas photo started. It felt strange when they took a picture with me and then she would say okay now one with the family and I had to step aside.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_00] Also with the photos they have hanging. Baptisms. I'm not in them although I was present at the place. When my siblings were born she really hated when I was present around them. She resented my presence. I remember once asking about this on a Facebook group about stepmoms and getting responses from women saying that my stepmom's behavior was normal. So I just decided to try not to feel bad about it. I think as the years went by it stopped hurting or so I thought.

[00:02:10] [SPEAKER_00] Until I met my mother's boyfriend who I would call Luigi because he looks like him. He's been dating my mom for two years but he's been a friend of my mom's for years. He has a son from a previous girlfriend. Luigi is really kind and funny so it felt strange to feel comfortable around him. One day he was organizing a vacation and I was happy to hear him include me in his plans. His son and I get along well so he invites me on outings together.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00] My mother is pregnant and I think I relived a trauma with my stepmother so I automatically expected to be left aside by Luigi. But it didn't happen that way. My mother and he always included his son and me in all the plans. Thanks to this I began to realize little by little that my stepmother is not normal but is still hurt. Everything exploded yesterday when my father and his family were going to take the typical Christmas photo.

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_00] My father told me that he would take one with me later like every year. He keeps them in his office so I stayed at home. I felt silly for feeling sad again. My mother hugged me but I just got tired and finally told my mother about the real treatment I've been getting and for the first time I saw Luigi angry. He called my father and I heard him tell him everything. I even laughed a little when he said that my stepmother is an insecure psychopath. Although Luigi apologized to my mother for it.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_00] He told her that what I've been experiencing is a type of psychological child abuse and he will not be involved in it anymore. Those words made me realize that it's true. I've been bullied by a grown woman just for existing. She's insecure about a kid. I was a kid when I met her. I was a kid when she made me feel insecure in my own house. I was a kid when she started to call me a weekend daughter. I don't want to see my father again. I don't want to live my adulthood around a person who hates me.

[00:04:03] [SPEAKER_00] But I also don't want her to win by giving her what she wants. Make me disappear. Edits. Apparently this post has been posted in a sub about stepmoms since I've been receiving private messages from people who want to justify my stepmother's behavior. I'm sorry but I won't answer any messages and will only block those accounts. I don't need someone to turn a victimizer in my life into a victim. I don't need a group of cruel adults to want to make me feel guilty when I was a child.

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00] Absolutely nothing in this world justifies mistreating a child. Being a stepmother is difficult. Then try to be a little girl who doesn't understand why an adult who lives in the same house hates her. I posted about it on my profile. That is so infuriating to OP. To the point where OP posted to a stepmom group and got told that this was normal. That is pissing me off. Excluded from family photos, vacations and just the basics really.

[00:05:02] [SPEAKER_00] And then your people around you telling you stepmothers have it hard too. That you were conditioned to question yourself. Ah, it's just sad. Absolutely love Luigi in this. He didn't do anything like completely out there. He just treated OP like how she deserved to be treated. Just like a human. And that changed OP's way of thinking completely. And that is wonderful. And I'm really pissed off at the stepmother because that is just like disgusting behavior.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_00] And I don't know how someone can do that to a young child. But what about the dad also? Who just stood by and let this happen? Taking the separate photos? Going on family vacations without your kid? He participated in this as well. And Luigi was right about all this. It's psychological abuse. A commenter says to OP, have you talked to your dad about this? How can he allow this? I'm sorry you've been mistreated but it's good that you have Luigi.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00] OP says, in the past I talked to my dad about feeling bad when she kept my siblings away from me. When the first one was born I remember my dad scolding her and telling her to let me hold him. But he never did anything more than that. He has pictures of me at his workplace and in his home office where he works. But it sucks that he has to keep me hidden as if I were his little secret illegitimate daughter. The commenter says, well, I guess we now know who your real father is.

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_00] How is Luigi more of an adult than anyone else in your life? Can we all agree that Luigi is an amazing human? OP, Christmas is round the corner. Please make sure he gets a gift under the tree. He's an amazing person. OP says, he wants a scratching post for his cat. So I plan to give him a big one with my mother. OP then responds to a downvoted commenter about being more comfortable with being around her mother's partner than her father's wife. Then OP says, what is not understood?

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_00] It feels strange to feel comfortable around my mother's partner since I've never received that treatment from my father's partner before. It feels strange to feel comfortable around a parent's partner for the first time. Strange doesn't always have a bad connotation. So it was around 10 days after that that OP came in with their update. And it said, update. My mother's boyfriend made me realize how insecure my stepmother is. Hi, I made this account just a vent, but I got so many sweet comments.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00] Except for the harassment by the women in the stepmom subreddit. I talked about it on my profile. Then I wanted to leave one last update for the people worried about me. After the day Luigi put boundaries on my father and stepmother. My father didn't call me or say anything until several hours later when he sent me a message saying, I'm so sorry, Hija, I love you. I felt strange because that message didn't make me cry or feel loved. I always wanted to be a daddy's girl, you know.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_00] I always loved my father and really appreciated all those few moments we would have together without my stepmom being there making bitter comments. But when I read that message, I had no feeling other than to think, same old thing. And I didn't answer. My father had his pictures with me in his office at home, but why do I have to be a secret? I'm not the daughter of a lover he wants to hide. Why does my existence have to be hidden there? My face can't be in the house where I lived.

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_00] It's so silly to say this now when I used to feel happy to see my photo there. I felt special thinking dad has me in his office every time he works. But as I started to grow up, these things took on a dark and realistic meaning. That feeling of feeling special disappeared. A day after that message, I decided to talk to my father and stepmother. My mother and Luigi said they would go with me, but I told them I preferred to go alone. I told my father that I will not return to the house as long as he is still married to her.

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_00] I think my words may have affected him because he apologized to me again, told me that he loves me and that now we can all go on vacation together. I would have liked to be the biggest person, but they are the adults. I was the biggest person since she arrived and I'm tired. I just told my father that I don't want to go anywhere where she is. I told him that even if he changes and sets limits on her anyway, I don't want to surround myself with that kind of energy anymore. I think it's healthy for me to start setting limits.

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00] I've read people in the comments who talked about being plus 35 years old and continuing to put up with their cruel stepmothers in order to see their fathers or siblings. I don't want that future. I don't want to live my adulthood sharing dinners with a woman who hates me. I'm terrified to think about having children and they will have to call her grandma. I don't want to have to pretend that everything is fine. My father told me he can't leave her because she is his wife and the mother of his children.

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_00] I told him that I know and that's why I won't come back. He saw something in her and they've been together for years. Both deserve each other. A cruel person and another who failed to protect me. I'm not going to lie. We argued raising our voices, especially with her who said I was always problematic and in need of my father's attention. Their true personalities became clear to me when she said that I should understand that the wife slash husband comes before the children.

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_00] My father agreed. I couldn't help but compare it to my mother and Luigi who always put me and his son first. My mother always asked me if Luigi treated me well when they first got to know each other. In the end, I made it clear to my father and her, as long as they are married, I will never set foot in that house again and that will not be in the same place as her ever again because I think she's really insecure and that's really sad. I told my father that I also need space away from him.

[00:10:40] [SPEAKER_00] He told me that he loves me, but I'm tired of that way of loving. I felt depressed for a few days, but today we have finished decorating the house for Christmas, so my mother infected me with her Christmas excitement. Luigi has gone to pick up his son, so tomorrow we will all be together. Maybe I let my stepmother win, but I think I'm going to win too by not having her in my life. The top commenter on this one says, You did not let her win. You won because you stood up for yourself.

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_00] Your dad is the one who truly lost. You set boundaries and sadly your dad decided he'd rather worry about her than how his choices and inaction to protect you affected his child. He's a sorry excuse for a dad and I'm glad you have Luigi in your life. He may realize it one day when you get older and he misses out on all the wonderful things that will happen in your life. Graduations, marriage, possibly grandkids. He will only have himself and her to blame.

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_00] I'm proud of you and wish you all the love and happiness you deserve. And I don't think there's too much to say after that comment because that comment was absolutely right. You did not let her win. You stood up for yourself, which was incredible. You learned so much about yourself at the same time and you've come to realize the true people who are family to you, the true people who support and love you. Luigi, your mom, Luigi's son as well.

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_00] I don't want to say step bro, but I don't think it's quite there yet. And you should be just incredibly proud of yourself for what you've done. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Our next story comes from the Relationship Advice subreddit and it's titled My Boyfriend 28 Male Keeps Prioritizing His Female Best 27 Female Friend Over Me 26 Female

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00] and says I'm insecure for being uncomfortable. I, 26 female, have been dating my boyfriend 28 male for a little over a year. Overall, things are good and we got along really well. The main issue we keep circling back to is his relationship with his best friend 27 female. They've known each other since college and have always been very close. I was aware of this when we started dating and at first I genuinely try to be cool about it.

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_00] They text every day, hang out one-on-one and she's often the first person he tells things to. What's starting to bother me is not her specifically, but the way he handles situations involving both of us. For example, if we have plans and she suddenly needs him, he'll cancel on me without much hesitation. If I express that it hurts my feelings, he says I'm making it a competition or trying to control him. He insists that nothing romantic has ever happened between them and that I should trust him.

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_00] Last week was kind of the breaking point. I had a rough day at work and asked if we could spend the evening together. He agreed. An hour later, he texted me saying his best friend was having a bad mental health day and needed him, so he went over to her place instead. I told him I understood that she was struggling, but that I felt like I'm always second priority. He got defensive and said, If I can't accept his friendships, maybe I'm not ready for an adult relationship.

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_00] I don't want to be the girlfriend who gives ultimatums or isolates him from his friends. At the same time, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to come first sometimes. Am I being insecure or is this crossing a line? Edit and wow, I didn't expect this many responses. Thank you to everyone who commented. I'm planning to talk to him this week and see how he responds. I'll update once I've had that conversation. So, my kitten man says, I don't know why some of you put up with people like this.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_00] If me and my wife had plans set in stone, but I'd cancel on her to go out with someone else, meanwhile call her jealous and insecure to be offended by it, I would be served with divorce papers the next day. And you know what? I would agree with her. Your boyfriend cancels on you to run to another woman's aid constantly, then calls you crazy for being upset at that. Get rid of the deadbeats and you won't have these kind of problems. He has two girlfriends and you're one of them. Opie did respond to that saying, That's honestly why I posted.

[00:14:57] [SPEAKER_00] From the inside, it's easy to rationalize things, but hearing how clear it looks from the outside is eye-opening. I don't want to be that person who keeps lowering the bar just to keep the relationship. Another commenter says, He told you, you're not a priority. I'd believe him. You deserve someone who cares about you. And it's not this guy. Break up and find someone better. Opie says, I think that's why I started doubting myself. Every time I bring it up, it turns into me being insecure instead of him actually addressing the behavior.

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_00] I'm starting to realize that might be the real issue. Commenter says, Don't talk to him and see how he responds. You've already talked to him many times, and he's responded with callous disrespect. Just tell him to give fuck himself and be done. And another commenter says, When it comes down to you or her, he picks her every time. That's not a man that loves or prioritizes you. You're not jealous or insecure. He's just an asshole who keeps placing you second. Stop begging for first,

[00:15:54] [SPEAKER_00] because you're going to keep being disappointed. Anyone would be upset about being ditched for another male or female. You should be upset. Opie adds in some comments saying, That's honestly what scares me. I don't want to overreact and end something that could be fixed, but I also don't want to stay in a situation where I constantly feel like I come second. I don't personally believe that men and women can't be friends at all, but I do believe that boundaries matter, especially when one person keeps feeling sidelined.

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_00] I think that's what I need to focus on, whether he's willing to respect my boundaries once they're clearly stated, instead of dismissing my feelings as insecurity. Either way, I agree that staying calm and honest is the only way forward, even if the outcome ends up being painful. So Opie does come in with an update to the post and says, Hi everyone. I couldn't wait any longer to update after reading all your comments on my original post. Seriously, thank you for opening my eyes.

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_00] I confronted him about the repeated pattern, cancelling plans with me to prioritize his best friend, and then calling me insecure whenever I spoke up. His reaction? He doubled down, insisted my feelings were overreactions, and showed zero accountability. No discussion, no compromise, just the same behavior I've been pointing out for months. So, I ended it. Not because I was hurt, but because it became crystal clear, I don't need to negotiate for basic consideration in a relationship. Honestly,

[00:17:22] [SPEAKER_00] I feel relieved. I don't have to compete for attention, and I don't have to explain why it's normal to come first sometimes. Your advice really helped me see that this wasn't about me being insecure, it was about him consistently choosing poorly. I'd love to hear from anyone else who's been in a similar situation. Someone asks on the back of this, how did he react when you broke it off? Did he even care? Opie says, He kept telling me I was exaggerating, and that she was his friend, and that he didn't see things the same way I did.

[00:17:51] [SPEAKER_00] But I got fed up, and simply told him, I didn't want to know anything more about him or her. He stood his ground. What can you expect from someone like that? Why would I continue explaining my feelings to him? I just have to move on. And Opie adds, I feel like a new person right now. And I'm sure they'll start a romantic relationship, and I was just the obstacle in the way. And I think it's so much better to be alone. And I think from the very first part of the post, it was pretty cut and dry. The moment someone's like,

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_00] cancelling on you for another person, and then is gaslighting you, that you're the insecure one. It's not just a relationship problem, it's just basic respect, isn't it? It's one of those situations where it's just an absolute bullet dodged. But what do you guys make of this one? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below, and let's have another story. Now, our next one comes from the Am I Overreacting subreddit. It's a series of texts, but it starts off,

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_00] and this is from user CreativeGuard2809, who says, Am I overreacting? My fiance spent 600 on gacha. Hopefully I've pronounced that correctly. And in case you don't know, gacha, according to Google, is like where you're spending money on in-game virtual items, similar to like loot boxes that you see and stuff like that, where you get a random item, but you pay for it. Hopefully I've got that correct. My fiance spent 600 on a gacha game without asking.

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_00] I flipped out, and now his entire family are calling me abusive and encourage him to call off the engagement. For context, I work 55 hours a week, and he drives Uber during the day while I'm at work. We are paycheck to paycheck. So Opie starts the text chain off with, We need to talk right now. Pick up now. He replied saying, You're not being fair at all. I explained my boundaries to you, but you have not respected them. This is exactly what someone says is abusive about you. Opie replies saying,

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_00] You spent $600 on our credit card on a fucking game. He replied, I already explained it to you. Opie says, $600 for two virtual characters you don't need without asking. When we are paycheck to paycheck. That card was for emergencies with the Civic. He replied with a picture of a Genshin Impact character. I'm unsure who that is. I do apologize. Followed by saying, You told me you wanted her too, but you aren't happy for me. Lol. Actually, I'm done.

[00:20:16] [SPEAKER_00] I'm a 29 year old man, and I'm allowed to make purchases without needing your permission. That is an abusive dynamic. Someone, he blanked it out, explained that very clearly to me. Opie says, Yes, I said I want Verena. Turina. I didn't say we should spend hundreds to get constellations. You're a fucking addict. You already spent all of our Christmas money on it. He replied, You are snooping into your fiance's purchases. You should take a look at yourself.

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_00] Opie gives the middle finger emoji and says, This is a shared card that I set up for emergencies, and you went behind my back. Why didn't you tell that person they were talking about, about your gambling addiction to video game characters? He replied, Actually, someone again, told me all about your coercion, and I believe you're a narcissist personality. That is why you are continuing to try and control me, and control my financial decision making. You know, this is my values, and I had Verena as my wallpaper forever.

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_00] I refuse to be verbally abused for being myself. I'm battling anxiety, and you do not care at all. He continues, I do not want to get married to you. I'm not talking on the phone. I emailed screenshots for my appointment tomorrow. Thank you for giving me horrible anxiety attack, and ruining my night. And no, I didn't do a fucking thing with Verena yet, because of your cause. Opie replied, saying, I will call Capital One, and dispute the charge. Your account will get banned. He replied, saying, Try it. You will lose me forever.

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_00] I'm going to Scottsdale for the night. Stop calling me for 12 hours, and we can talk then. Good night. Then he says, Will you please answer my mum? Please. I apologize for my reaction, as I said my anxiety is bad today, and I have to do better. I love you. You don't need to dispute the charges. I will get you the money soon. Some name again, which is blanked out, can spot me 600 tonight, so can you text him your Venmo? Anxiety really bad. Please. And you can just imagine

[00:22:15] [SPEAKER_00] what the comments would be like on a post like that, just like, Beyoncé, you need to end this now, because that is absolutely wild. But Opie did update, and said, I'm overwhelmed by all the replies, thank you. I'm trying to read every comment. It feels obvious now that I was not overreacting. Yes, the card is in my name only, and it's not that old, but he saved the info somehow. The card had been in my bag, so I'm not sure how or when he got the info into his game.

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_00] I'm calling Capital One in the morning to dispute the charge. His mum left me a voicemail saying that I gave him a panic attack and to give him space. I had to text his drug-dealing friend, to try and get the $600, but he left me on read. Also, he's currently online on Discord playing Genshin Impact at his mum's house. Next update, I can't keep up with all the comments and messages I woke up to. I'm checking what I can. Thank you, everyone, for reading and telling me the truth. First, his family is very involved with his life

[00:23:13] [SPEAKER_00] for cultural reasons. They have all demonized me since we met. His mum said, I'm never going to see him again due to the way I treat him. I got her on the phone and told her the engagement was off and she started screaming that it's already off so I can't end it. He has blocked me, including on Discord, which makes me think he saw my post. As for the $600, I woke up to a Venmo from his sketchy friend. I paid off the card and locked it. I would love to have disputed the charge, but even if I did,

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_00] it would put his Genshin account into a negative balance. Then he would have to spend more to fix it. I have no doubt he would find a way to get another $600 and keep the account. As much as I want to blow up his drug, I'm afraid of how he would react if he lost it. And we don't have shared accounts, but I let myself be taken advantage of. I see that I fucked up by saying it was our credit card and he's not even a co-signer on the lease, so I'm screwed because he doesn't actually have to pay rent anymore. OP followed it up with one more comment

[00:24:12] [SPEAKER_00] on the account which just said, engagement is off, which the majority of the people in the comments were saying absolutely the right decision to be making there. Some people talking about the addiction of these types of games as well, but now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? How would you deal with it if it was you? Was there any other way to deal with it? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved

[00:24:41] [SPEAKER_00] in today's stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me, so thank you so, so much for being here and hopefully I'm going to see you in the next one. Take care and much love.