My Boyfriend Is REFUSING To Let Our Daughter Attend My Mom's Funeral r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:19] Now today's first story comes from Moms Funeral and says, My 26 female mom died a couple of days ago. My boyfriend, 31 male, is refusing to go to the funeral or let my daughter go with me because it's religious. My 26 female mom died a couple of days ago. My boyfriend, 31 male, is refusing to go to the funeral or let my daughter go with me because it's religious.

[00:00:45] Like the title says, I just lost my mom a couple of days ago from ovarian cancer. I'm devastated right now and my boyfriend, we've been together for a year and a half, isn't helping me at all. My mom and I weren't on good terms before her death because of my boyfriend. John and my mom never got along because he's a deep set atheist and my mom is very religious. Major issues popped up once I got pregnant and had my daughter. My mom pressed for me to have my baby back.

[00:01:14] I was baptized into the church, which I wanted to do, but John was dead set against it. He convinced me that baptizing her and indoctrinating her was a bad choice and that we should leave it to her to choose when she was old enough. I agreed. My mom didn't take this well at all and after many angry and hurt arguments, she cut off contact with me.

[00:01:35] Not having my mom with me during my pregnancy or my baby's birth took a big emotional toll on me, but John insisted it was for the best and he didn't want my mom near my daughter at all and that my mom was evil for hurting me. At the time, I was angry so I agreed. I found out my mom was sick with ovarian cancer a month ago when she called me and wanted to talk. I was horrified and all the bullshit kind of just fell away.

[00:02:01] I tried to make the best of my time with her, brought my daughter to meet her grandma and tried to build good memories with her. I'm happy to say we reconciled and my mom and I made our peace with each other before she died. I don't want to trash my boyfriend, but John has been a pain in the fucking ass since I found out my mom was sick. He said she deserved it, but quickly backed down when he saw how angry that made me.

[00:02:26] He refused to go with me to visit or help care for my mom. He didn't even really want to listen to me talk about how happy I was to reconnect with my mom. All he did was remind me that my mom hurt me and I should have no contact with her and she didn't deserve for me to speak to her. I told him that my mom isn't perfect, but my mom also raised me by herself and that she was my rock for many years and he should respect that. He said nothing outside telling me there was no value in talking to her.

[00:02:54] Now, we're planning the funeral. I asked John to go with me and he refused instantly. He said he hated my mom, that she was a see you next Tuesday to our family and that he wasn't going to go to church ever and it was rude and insensitive of me to ask. When I said I was taking my daughter, he had the nerve to actually tell me that I was not under any circumstances taking her. I've been through an emotional rollercoaster this past week. I lost my mom after we finally made up.

[00:03:24] My boyfriend has been stupidly unsupportive and now he's refusing to let me take my child to her grandmother's funeral and refusing to come to at least support me. My daughter is the one thing that brings me comfort and I want her with me. Is that so unreasonable? It seems like the more I push, the more he digs his heels in. I just can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. His attitude towards this entire thing is breaking my heart on top of my mom's death.

[00:03:53] When I got to the part where he said she deserved it, I was just like, oh, you absolute horrible person. And for me, it just feels like some kind of like a power play at the moment. It's about him, not what you're going through. Seeing a loved one who's grieving, who's just lost their mother, has watched the brutal effects of cancer on a loved one.

[00:04:14] And instead of caring, loving and supporting that partner, you're saying shit like she deserved it and basically making everything about you just sounds like an absolute shithead. He says in quotes, he said she deserved it and says, holy shit, your boyfriend is awful. He doesn't actually think that attending one funeral will indoctrinate your daughter. This is just a sick power play. He wants to get one over on your dead mother. Think about that for a second.

[00:04:43] He's vying for power over you with your dead mother. Go to the funeral. Take your daughter. Grieve however you need to. Then make him your ex. Max Vahl says and quotes this. There is atheism and then there is something alarming. And this is the latter. There are plenty of atheists who go to funerals that are religious for their loved ones and support them through it. Sarah says your boyfriend is an asshole, not a partner. I'm so, so sorry.

[00:05:10] Go to your mother's funeral and then evaluate if you want to spend the rest of your life with a rigid, hateful man. Is your daughter also his daughter? I'm so sorry. Obi says she is. She's only several months old so it's not like she'd even understand what is going on. His indoctrination claim makes no sense at all to me. A British hobo replies to that saying, I'm so sorry about your situation. At a time when you most need support and love. He's taken the opportunity to exert control based on his shitty opinions.

[00:05:40] He's not a partner. He's a propaganda machine. Remember this when he talks about indoctrination. He called your mom a see you next Tuesday and said she deserved to die of cancer. That's a far more horrifying and deplorable attitude for your daughter to grow up around than anything she'd learn by going to her funeral. Bell says I'm so, so sorry. I'm 28 and I lost my mother last summer. It still hurts a lot. My husband is an atheist.

[00:06:08] Our minister did a communion for my mom when she was in hospice care. He explained that he believed in open communion. And he invited both my Jewish aunt and my husband to partake. Both did. My husband also attended my mother's Christian memorial service. My husband has been my rock during my mother's cancer and since her death. I can't imagine not being able to lean on him while I've been sick with grief. You are completely reasonable to want your daughter with you at your mother's funeral.

[00:06:35] You are also reasonable to expect your boyfriend to show a little more sympathy towards you. I'm frankly appalled by his behavior. If you ever need to talk, just PM me. I've had a great solace in talking to people my age who lost a parent before I did. It's like a private club that no one wants to join. But all the members support each other for life. Opie added one final bit of information on her mom and says, My mom actually cut me off when I said that we decided not to baptize my daughter.

[00:07:03] I tried for weeks and months to reach out to her and even text and called when the baby arrived and got no response. I really wish I tried harder. Like gone to the house and knocked or even just tried to run into her and talk to her. I was really hurt by what my mom did. And I let John talk me into thinking that my mom was really this mean vindictive person for cutting me out of her life. Trust me when I say I regret it with all my heart now. And I kind of sort of disagree with Opie. I know Opie was going through a lot at that moment.

[00:07:31] So because I didn't particularly look at the mom in a good way in this as well. But she's the one who decided to cut her daughter off because they didn't want to baptize her granddaughter. And I'm not saying the boyfriend's right at all. But because I just think that they're both wrong. But Opie did come in with her update and says, Thanks everyone that sent me condolences about my mom. It's been really hard these past several days, but I've been hanging in there okay. I tried being reasonable to John about how he wanted to handle things.

[00:07:59] I even told him like one poster here suggested that he didn't have to go to the service. But could wait in the lobby with my daughter while the service was going on. Then she could spend time with my family after the service. But he again shot it down. He would be able to hear the service and that would be a violation of his beliefs. And asking to compromise on those beliefs was unconscionable and unfair to our daughter. I told him I had to do it. This was the icing on a very large cake.

[00:08:27] I told John that as of this week, I wanted our bank account separated. He made us join accounts to make sure we split everything equally to be fair despite me making more. And that I'd be staying with my brother after the funeral while we figured out what to do. Whether that was a total breakup or counselling. It was up to him. He said counselling was for the weak minded. And that we were staying together despite my empty threats. And there was no way in fuck he was letting me take his money.

[00:08:56] He became very loud and in my face during this conversation. So I just let him throw his tantrum until he took my silence as agreement. I took my daughter with me to the viewing with no problems. John and I barely spoke that day which was fine by me. But it hit the fan the next day. When I got up in the morning to get myself ready and get my daughter ready. I discovered that he had the motherfucking goal to park his car directly behind mine. Blocking me into the driveway.

[00:09:24] Had no way to get to the funeral in my own car. John always drives to work. But for reasons I can only imagine were to get back at me. Decided to take the metro. And took the baby carriage and bottles and my pump with him. My brother and I have our differences granted. In fact we haven't talked much since my mum and I were estranged. We started talking again after she was sick. But here forever be a saint to me for what he did. I called him crying and here my sister-in-law arrived within 20 minutes.

[00:09:53] Sister-in-law calmed me down and helped me get my daughter ready. And they brought along spare bottles. A carrier and a breast pump. Thanks to them I was able to go to my mum's funeral in comfort. And my daughter was an angel during the service. They calmed me down and everything went perfectly. And even though I was a mess most of the day. Having my daughter with me and my sister-in-law. And even my brother with me to lean on gave me peace on the inside. I've made up my mind not to tolerate John's insane and controlling behaviour anymore.

[00:10:23] Yet a litany of excuses for doing what he did. He even tried to claim his car had problems. And I don't want to hear any of them. I never wanted to be a single mum. I always wanted to raise my baby within a family. But I've decided that going alone is much better than doing it with this man. Who thought nothing of trying to kick me while I was down. My brothers arranged for me to talk to a friend of his that specialises in family law this week. And we're taking it from there. I still feel so guilty for what happened with my mum. I miss her so much.

[00:10:53] Hope from here on out I can make her proud of me. Despite my mistakes. Commenters on the back of that one says. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. And I'm glad you had the support of a family behind you. Your daughter is far better off without someone like this as a role model. What she should look for in life. And I'm glad you're getting out of this situation. I would call the bank and see what you can do about their joint account. Before he tries something like cleaning it out. Or putting it somewhere else as well. I'm so sorry and I wish you all the best.

[00:11:22] Opie says I still have my personal account. So I called the bank and set up a meeting for tomorrow. I'm documenting that I've told John not to touch any of the money in the account. Until everything is worked out. I agree. He's so toxic. John has good points and I do love him. But I can't forgive the way he went out of his way. Despite me during this whole thing. That's not love at all. Opie replies to another commenter saying. I'm definitely withdrawing the amount of my last check from the account first thing tomorrow.

[00:11:51] And another comment about the money saying. For everyone that's worried. He didn't get his hands on my money. I went straight to the bank account. And got the amount for my last check out of the account. Another commenter says to the Opie. I just read your first post in this post. First off. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. Secondly. I'm glad you're rid of that man. He's as toxic as they come. And thirdly. I'm glad you have a supporting family who came through for you. Anyways. Your ex sounds downright horrible. In your first post.

[00:12:21] You said he called your mother a see you next Tuesday. And said she deserved it. I would have left then and there. No one talks like that about family. Not even if you have differences with said family. Especially if they have passed away. Anyway. Amazing qualities he had. Were all a charade. And he showed you his true self. I'm proud of the fact that you realize that even though your daughter may not know her father. She's going to be better off. Take care of yourself. And your daughter Opie. Opie says. I was so shocked when he said it.

[00:12:51] I didn't know how to react. Literally didn't hit me until about the time. I've made up my mind to post here. He liked to act like my mom was abusive to him because of her religion. But his main grief with her was that she asked him to lead Grace once. And he reacted badly. Thank you for your kind words. I plan to take good care of us both. Hamrax says. Had he ever had any violent action. Punching a wall etc. I think everyone here is underestimating the risk this man can have. Violent reactions in the future.

[00:13:21] Opie says. Not wall punching. But he'd slam things like the cabinets or dishwashers or doors. Or he'd rattle a chair or something. Nothing crazy violent. Just weird. An absolutely fair play for Opie. Starting to make those moves for getting out of that situation. I think it was definitely the right thing to do with the controlling behavior. The whole car thing. Taking the bottles and everything. It almost felt like it was escalating in some way.

[00:13:48] Or certainly had the potential to in the future. However the mom's actions in this as well. Opie's mom. Still rubbed me the wrong way with her cutting her off. You know her own daughter. Because she didn't go down the same path of religion as her. And if you decide to treat your child like that. I'm not going to look at you in a good light. It's quite that simple for me. And I just found it incredibly sad. That Opie was left with this guilt. And blaming herself for all that happened.

[00:14:19] When she needs to remember it was her mom who cut her off. Yes they can reconcile. And I got nothing against that. But the initial way that they were all cut off. You know. It just didn't sit right with me at all. So I hope Opie does or did seek some sort of counseling for her future. Regardless of what her arse or Lex thought about it. To help her with that self-blame and the grieving etc. It must have been a lot. But what do you guys make of this situation?

[00:14:46] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now we're heading on over to the Am I the Arsehole subreddit. Which I saw a wild title again. And I give you a warning. If you are eating or anything like that right now. You may want to stop. You may want to skip the story. It's totally up to you. We're talking about P here. So as always timestamps are in the description as always. But this will probably be the last story of the video. Much love.

[00:15:15] It was from New Insurance 3851 and says am I the arsehole for laughing at my co-worker. Who chose to drink their own pee instead of getting fired. I'm currently working at a mine in Alaska. We live in camp while we work. And we are nowhere near civilization. The only way to get there is by airplane or winter road. We are expanding so we have more manpower than usual. So we have temporary housing in tents. These aren't camping tents and an air mattress or anything.

[00:15:45] They are proper arctic survival tents. With electricity and heating and everything. The only difference is that they do not have private bathrooms. Like to regular camp rooms. So you have to walk about 100 yards to get to the bathroom. This has led to some guys using piss jugs. It's exactly what it sounds like. You buy bottled drink and then you have a container. So you don't have to leave your room to relieve yourself. Gross but understandable. The one iron bound rule is don't get caught.

[00:16:15] If the maids find it you are screwed. Terminated. Put on the no hire list for 90 days. My buddy Dan double screwed up. He forgot to get a bottle so he used a coffee cup he had in his room. Then he forgot to dispose of the cup in the morning. He got called to the office to be let go. He said it wasn't urine but his tea that he had let get cold. He proved it by drinking it. It didn't fire him because what kind of maniac would drink day old cold urine?

[00:16:43] He was telling us all how he pulled one over on the company and I laughed. I thought it was funny. He said it wasn't funny and that it's bullshit that he had to do that. He called me an arsehole for not having more empathy. I honestly thought it was hilarious. Now I'm not going to get into the logistics of if there's a better way where they should be peeing or if there's some sort of like cardboard portable toilet that they could have in their tents. If I'm being 100% honest and a friend told me this I probably would have laughed as well.

[00:17:13] Would I have empathy for him at the same time? Absolutely. I think you can laugh and have empathy and it's something I've come to terms with over time. I've told you about my stories from my past and how I felt conflicted about some of the things I found funny. I've told you the story about the woman chucking the hoover off the top of the balcony and at the time I found it hilarious. I was like what the hell is going on here? It's just such a chaotic scene and the guy coming out picking parts of the hoover apart and all this kind of thing.

[00:17:41] The scene was so wild, so chaotic that I laugh. It's still a funny scene to me but behind the scenes later in life when, especially after reading so many stories, I think about that person's mental state back then and how they were and I do have empathy for them. Yes, they attacked children by throwing a hoover at them but I can also look back and say there was likely something there especially because the area we lived in, it was quite common, you know?

[00:18:10] And basically what I'm saying is that you can have, I believe that you can have empathy and find something hilarious at the same time. Although I've had many people disagree with me if I find it hilarious then how you have an empathy but, you know, regardless, that's the way I feel. I know how I feel about it. But Alien Dog asked the OP, they said, Info, what's the pay like? OP replied saying, $225,000 a year gross. Here for the shit talk says, I'd drink my own cold piss to protect that salary. Blue Lizard replies that saying,

[00:18:38] I'd walk to the bathroom to protect that salary. Gertrude says, Not the arsehole, but your buddy is right. It's fucked up that this is the situation. I get that the maids shouldn't have to deal with that. The workers also shouldn't have to deal with walking out in the cold in the middle of the night to piss. There should be a better solution than don't get caught. Pay one person extra to gather the medical grade piss jugs and dispose of them properly then wash them to hand out again for overnight. It's not that hard. Kay says,

[00:19:07] No one's an arsehole here. I mean, you can have empathy and still find it fucking hysterical. At the end of the day, he got to keep his job. It's a great story and he'll probably never forget the bottle of Gatorade again. Orward Dingo says, It's really disgusting. Although I think I would have vomited instead of laughed or maybe vomited and then laughed, I can see the reaction. On another note, I wouldn't have told a living soul that I had done that either. Not the arsehole. Gale Whisper says, Honestly, that's a wild story.

[00:19:37] I get why you'd laugh. It's absurd. But your friend's point is valid too. It sucks he felt forced into that situation. Maybe suggest better camp facilities or solutions to avoid these awkward moments in the future. Now, I'm going to turn this to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. As always, I would love to hear them. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Get involved in the stories. Your love, your support, your time

[00:20:06] always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much for being here. Truly, it's absolutely amazing. And I will see you in the next one. Take care and much love.