My Boyfriend Is Doing A Couple's Costume For Halloween With His Female Best Friend r/Relationships

[00:00:02] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider hitting that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from EfficientAccess1350 and says, am I the arsehole here for telling my boyfriend he shouldn't take his girl best friend for a couple's costume for Halloween? I don't know.

[00:00:30] I think I may be wrong. My boyfriend, 26 male and I, 23 female, have been together for 8 months. He is very kind to me and has never raised his voice or lost his temper with me. I was introduced to his friends very early in our relationship and I get along with them just fine. He and his friends have been friends from nursery days and they are all very nice to me. He has a friend, Vivian, fake name, who along with his two other friends planned for Halloween every year months into the year.

[00:01:01] I have never doubted any foul play about them and I have never wanted to be the jealous new girlfriend who ruins friendships. The problem is that my boyfriend works in a firm where they apparently throw Halloween parties. He goes with one of his friends every year and this year was Vivian's turn to go with him because last year he went with his friend Tom. Plus he and Viv have a thing about scary costumes and horror and they share the same love for Halloween. The thing is, I love Halloween too.

[00:01:29] My boyfriend knows that and we share that common interest too. Granted, I can't just claim a common interest but he didn't even ask me once if I wanted to go with him since he and Viv started planning two months ago. We were dating then and he never mentioned it to me. It's just that I thought he could have at least asked me. He mentioned to me two days ago that he and Viv had their couple's Halloween costumes ready and if I wanted to see them.

[00:01:56] I did not feel as positive about it as I should have and I guess it showed on my face because he asked what was wrong and I asked him why he never asked me to go with him once. He didn't get mad but said that he won't change his rituals with his friends for his relationship. He told me I knew about it early on as he told me before. I felt hurt and I told him that's a hurtful thing to say and he didn't respond. He's been giving me the silent treatment.

[00:02:23] I've never expected him to dump plans with his friends for me ever. I don't mind when he does escape rooms with Viv or always has hiking plans with Tom and the others. The only reason I thought he could have asked me is because I love Halloween too and thought it was a common interest. But now I feel I stepped over the line and I feel really awful. Am I the asshole here? Whenever someone starts a post off with like he's very kind to me and has never raised his voice or lost his temper with me I always think you know that's a pretty low bar.

[00:02:54] And my thoughts are you know he said he won't change his rituals for you. So is that it for the rest of your relationship? Let's say you're together for the rest of your lives. He's never going to spend Halloween with you because that's his tradition. Seems a bit of a bizarre way of thinking in my opinion. But ranty muck throwaway says not the arsehole. Hold up. Did he really tell you word for word that his couple's costume was ready and asked you if you wanted to see them?

[00:03:21] Is he having a laugh? Then quotes he won't change his rituals with his friends for his relationship. Then says not even having a whole couple's costume with someone else. That's crazy. Part of being in a relationship is fitting your partner in with your friends. The things you normally do. I just think if he was really into you and Viv was really such a good friend you'd be the plus one this time and she'd understand. Because you are his girlfriend. Of course you're right to feel left out. If he can't see this from your perspective I don't think he's cut out to be your boyfriend.

[00:03:51] Brief Horror says if he can't see what's wrong here dump him. He's never raised his voice or yelled at me. So the bare minimum. You're keeping around a man who is blatantly disrespectful for the bare minimum. Ranty replies to that one saying I always roll my eyes. Lovingly and with an undertone of wanting better for them when I read posts like this. Where the OP waxes lyrical about what a good guy their boyfriend is because he doesn't like literally abuse me.

[00:04:17] He just shows me disrespect in small ways that make me question whether he actually respects me. But like he doesn't yell at me or hit me or anything. The bar is so low. Your partner should like you. They should want you to be happy and should prioritize you in situations where doing so is reasonable. Another commenter says so if this is a tradition that he was with his friends and it was established before you and he got together. It makes sense why he's doing a couple's costume with Viv.

[00:04:44] But in quotes he didn't get mad but said that he won't change his rituals with his friends for his relationships. And then says this is a red flag. Of course he should change his rituals with friends because of his relationship. He could have just told you he'd do a couple's costume with you next year. Adding you to the rotation as it were. But just saying you're not as important as his friend relationship puts you at a lower priority. I do not want to be my boyfriend or girlfriend's second priority.

[00:05:10] And him keeping you apart from his activities with his friends is certainly another point against him. And one final commenter who says seems like everyone here is on the side of OP. I think it will depend on whether these plans were made before or after meeting you. Which I think everyone is missing the point. If a person makes an agreement with someone they should keep that agreement. And the one that came after should respect it. Or also tell him that things will change for next year so don't make any plans without you. OP says he made those plans two months ago.

[00:05:40] We were together then. So OP comes in weather up there and says he apologized and we broke up. I didn't want to. Certainly not because he could have asked me to Halloween. But his response was he realized he was not someone who could give me the attention and care I deserved. And Vivian deserved better. I asked him if there was something between him and Viv and get this. He is in love with her. Some people who DM'd me were right. Apparently Vivian doesn't know.

[00:06:08] And while I was crying and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. He was explaining their long history. And how he was too much of a coward to tell her. Well I guess that makes two of us. Because I was too much of a coward to ask if he even actually liked me. I'm a wreck. I took sick leave this week and luckily my professors were understanding. I feel like it's my fault. I didn't even want him to not go with Viv. All I did was ask why he did not think of taking me once. Now that we were dating for almost a year.

[00:06:37] I know it wasn't my fault and it was for the best. But I'm constantly blaming myself for opening my mouth. My friends are telling me to go to a therapist. But with my grad school work and the mess of a person I am. I don't know what I'll do. I want to yell at him for wasting my time and hurting my feelings. Even though he cried and apologized and kept saying that I deserve better. I know I do. I feel like Vivian won. Even though she doesn't know and I have no right to be angry at her. Because it is all my ex.

[00:07:06] I don't think I'll update after this. Maybe if something big happens. And you can just imagine the comments after this one. A lot of people saying that they hope Vivian rejects him. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from GreenworksforMe. And says I'm I the arsehole for not consoling my boyfriend. Because I make more money.

[00:07:36] Reddit. I need a gut check if I'm the arsehole or not. I make a good deal of money. Which I know people will say I'm the arsehole already. But I live a very modest lifestyle. My monthly budget is 4k a month. And most months I profit 30k. I'm self-employed. So sometimes it's more. Sometimes it's less. Next month. Mine are flexed. Because I'm a non and I can. It'll be around 80k pre-tax. Woohoo. I have a boyfriend. And we've been dating for 5 months.

[00:08:06] He's a good guy. But more traditional than I've ever dated before. He works as an assistant manager in a farming shop. Paying $15 an hour. We're both in our mid-30s. And live in the arse end of nowhere. I only moved here to be close to my niece and nephew. No. He doesn't know what I make. We've only been dating a few months. And I'm private about how much I'm squirreling away. I drive an old Akia. Or the standard 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house last year. But have almost paid it off.

[00:08:35] The issue is he saw one of my invoices to a vendor pop up on my notifications. Bill was about 5k. He was shocked I was paying that much. I told him it was the cost of doing business. And he was like. Must be nice to drop twice what a normal person makes a month on business. I'm usually water off a duck's back when it comes to conflict. So I told him it may be nice if I didn't have to pay that bill at all. He dropped it. But I was getting the vibe from him in the last few days. Seemed distant. I visited at his place and asked him what was wrong.

[00:09:05] And I guess seeing me pay someone 5,000 set him on a complete spiral. He's trying to figure out how he can be a man when I'm off paying other men more than he makes. I did not like the implications of that. Like I'm a hooker or something. And asked him if he freaks out on farmers who drop thousands on equipment. He said it was different and asked how much I make. He hasn't asked before. Which was a little on me because I always give the impression what I make isn't that impressive.

[00:09:33] I had a bad feeling so I lied and told him 120k. Which is officially my salary take. Hi IRS. If you know what S-Corps are, you have an idea of what I mean. Anyway. He burst into tears. I think if I was nicer I should have consoled him or something. I know he's feeling like a loser. Which he's not. He has a cool job in my opinion. And he's super knowledgeable about farm stuff which I find interesting. He's a pillar in the community.

[00:10:00] Because we're surrounded by ranjas and he knows everyone. And again I find it really cool. But he was upset that I see more money on the regular than he sees in a year. I may have dropped the ball a bit here and told him he's going to have to find a way to be okay with not being the provider. And then just got out of his house. I just couldn't figure out a way to make him feel better without lying more and making myself small. I guess I could have told him that working in a farm store is super fucking manly or something. I don't know. It's easy to think of things afterwards.

[00:10:30] My guess is it's some early midlife crisis. But I resent that it's coming at my expense. That because I'm doing well, he feels bad. If I found out he had secretly a lot of family money, I'd be really happy and glad for him. But no. Learning I could cover a $5,000 bill for my own business made him feel like less of a man to the point where he had to throw shade on me. That's a him problem. I'm still kind of pissed about that. I don't know.

[00:10:56] I'm coming from a place of super privilege because it's been a few years since I've had to think about bills. And I don't care what people say. That changes you. So am I the arsehole? And also, what do I do now? Absolutely not the arsehole in this situation for me. I totally agree with you that this is a him problem. I think if a partner told me that they earned that kind of money, I would be super hyped for them and excited at the same time. Not in a gold digger kind of way, but you know.

[00:11:24] But I also agree with the OP that they shouldn't make themselves feel small because of his own insecurities at the same time either. But Long Jumping Desk says, not the arsehole. One of my brothers was married to a woman who made at least four times what he did. He did most of the cooking and she loved it. She thought my brother hung the moon. The only reason they're no longer married is that her third battle with cancer took her. Neither of them ever had an issue with who made how much. OP says, that's very sweet.

[00:11:52] And I'm sorry for your family's loss. Absolutely. A Rose says, not the arsehole. His inferiority complex is not your problem. You shouldn't have to diminish yourself to make him feel good about himself. He should be proud of you. He should be pushing you to be the best version of you and vice versa. If he hadn't been snooping, he wouldn't have found out. If he hadn't asked intrusive questions, he wouldn't know how much you make. If he hadn't had a tantrum, there wouldn't be a problem.

[00:12:18] If he wants to be the provider, he should find someone who wants to be dependent on him financially. Do not ever dull your shine to make an insecure arsehole feel better about himself. You're incompatible. But Dryad says, not the arsehole. Console him for what? Nothing bad has happened to him. Or if it has, it happened off screen. If he can't be a man without earning more than his partner, that is a problem best handled with an attitude adjustment or some therapy. Some introspection maybe. About what it means to be a man.

[00:12:47] Also, I keep saying this, but it's too early in a relationship for this kind of drama. You've been seeing each other a few months. He's not a provider for you. He's a man you are dating. How he acts after this will tell you a lot, I think. If there is any expectation that you should apologize to him after he threw a fit about you having more income than him, that is a real bad sign. For example, if he starts talking about how actually it's great because he couldn't afford XYZ on his own, that is also bad. So then OP came in with an update and said,

[00:13:17] Long story short, my boyfriend of five months, who doesn't make a lot, found out I make a hell of a lot. He makes around 30k a year and I'll be clearing 400k. So I was caught off guard when he saw a financial email and told him 120k. He freaked out and had a minor emotional meltdown because he realized he would never be the provider. I told him to get over it. Not a huge surprise to anyone, but we talked it out and a big reason he reacted badly is because he's in a bad spot.

[00:13:46] We live really rural and $15 an hour in a farm store is basically the top pay without a major change in his life on his part. Moving away, somehow changing jobs when there are no real jobs, winning the lottery. The stress got to him and he didn't react well. He apologized and our relationship limped along for a few more weeks. He started making little digs at my career, saying stuff like how he can't believe I make so much money for silly projects

[00:14:12] that it's wild I make more money than a doctor when I'm not saving lives. Things like that. Typing them out, they sound like mild nitpicks. And I certainly have a love-hate relationship with my art when I'm in the weeds on it. But I didn't like the vibe that was coming from him. It felt resentful. Instead of being happy that he had a girlfriend who was doing well, it felt like he saw it all as a failure on himself. Like I kind of think my future is not great because AI is coming for my job.

[00:14:40] But if I somehow do even better, then how would I explain it to him without him freaking out? I broke it off and he didn't seem that upset, so I guess it was a good call. Though suspiciously one of the local churches has contacted me for money for their local charity. They seem to know that I'm a high earner, even though I kept it private. I even use a registered agent for my LLC. So I think he's been telling people tales. It's a small town, so that's fun. Anyway, thanks for all the advice on the last post.

[00:15:10] And for fuck's sake, I don't do OnlyFans. Yeah, I think that's the best outcome in this situation. I mean, I just don't understand how you can look at your partner who's doing really well and just not be proud of them. But instead it sounds like he resents them. Some madness. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story.

[00:15:37] Now our next story comes from UpbeatExercise8760 and says, Am I the arsehole here for wanting to see my girlfriend naked? I, male 27, have been in a relationship with Jane, female 25, for six months. She's smart, funny, kind, sassy, giving, and a little bit annoying. Lot. She's also a total knockout and way out of my league. Except she doesn't see herself that way. Jane is on the bigger side and I am more lean.

[00:16:06] I like to go to the gym and work out and I'm naturally just very bony. So I do not have a ton of extra body fat on my body. I'm six foot one tall, but not like a giant. Overall, I would say I'm average. But Jane tells me I'm the hottest guy to ever look at her and I'm not gonna lie. I love that she sees me that way. What I don't like is how she sees herself. Like I said, she's on the bigger side and she especially hates her apron belly, as she calls it. When we first started seeing each other, she would only give me head and not even let me touch her.

[00:16:35] I didn't push the issue because I didn't want to be a creep and force her into something. But one day I finally asked her why she didn't let me return the favor. And she responded genuinely with a, I just didn't think you'd want to do that to me. I finally got her to understand that I was dying to make her feel good too. And we started a more active and reciprocated sex life. Reddits, I won't be gross, but I will say, Wow. Truly the best I've ever had. And I love every inch of this girl's body. She's perfection.

[00:17:05] The only thing now is she still keeps her shirt on during, she still keeps her shirt on during sex. And we have to keep the lights off. Every time. I want to see all of her so damn bad, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable. I truly believe she does this because she's afraid I won't like what I see. But that is so far from a possibility. A perfect face, lips, eyes, hair, legs, shoulders, knees and toes are great. And I will gladly take anything she's willing to give me. But if I can have a preference, I want it all.

[00:17:35] I just want her to feel as beautiful and desired as she is. I'm worried asking for this will have the opposite effect, like she's not doing enough for me already. Would I be the arsehole if I pushed this issue further? Edit. Thank you to everyone who submitted helpful advice and just overall kind words. Most of you fall under this category, but to the few that don't, kindly go F yourself. I didn't post here to get your fat phobic opinions on my girl's body. I posted here to get advice on how to make her more comfortable.

[00:18:04] Being totally bare with me, which I do feel like I got. I still have not spoken to her, but I have ordered some red lights, sexy teddies and tops that are easy to pull the top down as a few of you suggested getting. I'm also so stocked up with candles, the fire department may have me on the watch list. I'm just going to give my girl the lingerie because it made me think of her. And if she wants to wear it, great. If not, also great. I've got a beautiful girl who I love sleeping in my bed every night. So life will be good either way. Aww.

[00:18:34] And the fix says, I've been in a relationship where she never wanted to take her shirt off during sex as well. She was self-conscious because of having a child. Don't push the issue. Let her know how you feel about her completely and let her slowly work up to it. Just be as supportive as possible. Show her how much you care about her and let her build the confidence she needs to discover it in herself. Opie says, I can definitely do that. Thank you. She's fairly confident, but she's opened up to me about being insecure growing up as a bigger girl

[00:19:02] and how boys would never really look at her like they looked at her friends. I'm also her first boyfriend. I suspect the past self-esteem issues and lack of relationship experience make her more self-conscious in the bedroom. Sparkling Hufflepuff says, Also, maybe don't start with a big light on. Candlelight or fairy lights are much softer, romantic and might make her more comfortable. Another way to slowly build up to it might be naked under some covers. That way she's not completely in eyesight. Try to find a middle ground and build up from there.

[00:19:32] Of course, always on the assumption she's comfortable with it. Snooze says, Yes, soft lights. And you could ask her to wear a smaller shirt too. Like a lacy cami or nightie. You could get her something. A floaty sexy nightie. Key. Get the cami nightie in three sizes so she can try them on and get them in advance. Say something like, Hey, I bought these. I couldn't resist thinking about you framed in one of them. Can I leave them here for you? Would you consider wearing them?

[00:19:59] Then she can try them on her own and maybe next time she'd be wearing something silky. I sympathize with her a lot. Have many of my own hangups and my boyfriend works out every day. He would always ask for the lights on and I would put the lamp in the furthest corner. We're more comfortable now, but give her time. I would also suggest trying to reframe a little for her. Can't do anything on her behalf, but on your end, sprinkling in, I love your curves or just gently holding her belly from behind for a while.

[00:20:25] If she likes it and giving her little kisses on her belly over her clothes from time to time. Gaging her comfort at the same time. Might build your wordless support for her. It's brutal out there for women's bodies. It'd be a while. In any case, you sound like a lovely person and I wish the very best for both you and your relationship. Not the arsehole and good luck. Dora says, I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say, It's lovely how you speak of her. Could you maybe just show her this post?

[00:20:53] It should outline pretty clearly how drop dead gorgeous you think she is. Opie says, Thank you. I may show her this post eventually, but I don't know if I should until she's more comfortable in her body. Since I've been pretty direct with what I would like here and I don't want her to feel pressured. Salty says, This post is more flattering and very sweet. Maybe not today, but you should eventually show her this post. So Opie comes back in six weeks later and says, Quite a few people have messaged me asking for an update.

[00:21:20] I really didn't expect to make one as I was going to just take all the helpful advice I got and go about my business. But my plan was foiled. A lot of you suggested I not show Jane, fake name by the way, since that confused some of you last time, my original post because it might make her feel even more insecure. I never want to hurt my girl, so I wasn't going to show it to her. At least not right away. And I figured she'd never see it on her own since she doesn't even have a Reddit account.

[00:21:47] However, I forgot about Reddit podcasts and people who like to read these stories online for everyone to hear. Apparently, she listens to one while she works and they happen to read a story that sounded just a little too close to her own life. She texted me a screenshot of that story after finding it online and asked if it was me. I obviously said yes and asked if we could talk that evening. She agreed and I was bricking it for the rest of the day. Some of you guys really had me convinced she was going to break up with me for telling our business online.

[00:22:17] Thankfully, that is not at all what happened. When she got to my apartment, she gave me a big hug and a wonderful kiss before even saying anything. And I immediately felt my stomach settle. We sat down on the couch and I guess you could tell by my face how nervous she was. Because she spoke first and told me she wasn't mad and she thought all the comments saying that she may break up with me for writing about her private life were over the top. I breathed a sigh of relief and asked her what she thought about what I said in the post.

[00:22:44] She said it made her feel wonderful that I thought of her that way. And she said she didn't think anyone would ever desire her body that much. I let her know everything I said was 100% true and I really, really, really do desire her. But I understand her boundaries and she doesn't have to push herself on my behalf. We had a long conversation about body image and intimacy that I won't go into detail about. But it was such a productive conversation and I'm so glad we had it.

[00:23:11] I feel like I understand this so much deeper and vice versa. At the end of our conversation she did get kind of a sheepish look and asked if I actually bought all the things I mentioned in the edit of my original post. I told her yes I did and went and fetched a bag of candles and lingerie I'd been storing in my closet. I also told her I installed red lights in my room as suggested. She said we should try a few of the new things out. And you know I didn't hesitate to say yes. And you know I didn't hesitate to say yes please.

[00:23:40] It was the best night of my entire life and I'm not even kidding. Not just because of the physical portion of the night which whoa whoa. But also because I think I was able to make my girl feel more loved and cherished. And I know she made me feel the same. So moral of the story. If someone doesn't value the beautiful body you're in they're not the person for you. You don't have to be ashamed of anything when you're with the right person. I've never felt more attractive than when I'm with Jane. Because I know she loves me regardless.

[00:24:10] And I hope she feels the same about being with me. I wish nothing but the best for all of you. Thank you again. Also a special shout out to the Read It On Wikipedia podcast. I think that's what Jane said it was called. Apparently it's some dudes who read reddit stories and they covered my original post. Jane said they were super nice about the situation and made her even more comfortable with it all. Thanks for being great wingmen boys. And what a lovely wholesome story that turned out to be.

[00:24:38] And I'm glad it worked out for them in the best possible way. But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories. Your love, your support, your time. Always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so so much. And hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.