My Best Friends Boyfriend Admitted To Having Feelings For Me r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories. And if you do love a Reddit story, why not consider hitting the like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now today's first story comes from Advice Needed. And it's titled, My 23 female, best friend, 26 female, of 10 plus years, boyfriend, 26 male, of 3 years, has admitted to having strong feelings for me. Previously, best friend has told me if anything like this happened, she wouldn't want to know. Need help. Oh boy Reddit. Oh boy. I totally vented and rambled. Much needed TLDR at the bottom.

[00:00:48] So my best friend and I have known each other forever. And I love her with all my heart. We're extremely open and honest with each other. About as close as two people can be without being romantically involved. Though it's a run in joke that we are wives. Because of this, and because of her meticulous nature, we've previously run over random scenarios and what we'd like the other person to do in said scenario. Things like if a guy asks one of us out via the other one.

[00:01:16] If we got both feelings for the same person. Even things like if the other one died. One of these was the dreaded, if I had a boyfriend and he had feelings for you scenario. The potential for this to happen has come up a few times in conversation over the years in varying degrees of seriousness. And while we agreed that it'd be awful and sucky, we didn't agree on what we would want to know in the situation. I would always, under any circumstances, want to know. And she wouldn't.

[00:01:46] She has been adamant about this every time it comes up. And no matter what question I hit her with or alteration to the scenario, she's always made it 100% clear that she would never want to know. About three years back, she starts dating Guy. He's been around. He's one of those extended members of our group. So we both know him and I've never thought much about him. Other than that, he seems cool, nice, etc.

[00:02:11] Because of his proximity to her, he joins the rest of our friends group and he hits it off with all of us. The boys love him. The gals are happy for best friend because he's genuinely perfect for her. And most importantly, she is over the moon. All she's ever wanted is to be in love. It's a dream of hers. He treats her and other people in general with the utmost respect. Him and I get along well. We don't hang out the two of us, but we chat a bit. Very basic stuff about music, our jobs, etc.

[00:02:42] And hang out the three of us. He had this small talk with some of our other friends too. And I always thought it was great because he was taking an interest in her life and people around her. I've always been a bit of the odd one out of my group of friends. I was put up a few years in school. And because of that, all my friends are just a little older than me. And I've been the baby of the friends group my whole life. Most of us went from high school to the same university. I've also always had a general disinterest in dating.

[00:03:11] I've had interest from guys, but I'm a bit of a daydreamer. Obsessed with my chosen field and my future plans do not involve children and perhaps not even marriage. The idea of love always appealed to me, but I've always just been happy with myself and never in any kind of rush. Because of this, there was a running joke in our friend group about me dying alone surrounded by nothing but dogs, etc. Harmless fun. And Guy joins in on these jokes as well over time.

[00:03:37] I noticed as he became closer to the group, he always seemed very interested in my love life and encouraged me to pursue my dreams and take my time. Best friend always did the same. I never thought much of it. Until. About four months ago, I met a guy. 25 male. Who completely sweeps me off my feet. We call him Max because that's his name. Totally unexpected. Just swooped in and we had a very charming fairy tale-like romance.

[00:04:06] Because of my inexperience in relationships, I spent a lot of time talking to best friend about all the feelings I've been having. She's been happy for me, gives me advice, yada yada. Guy is in the same room when this is happening a lot of the time, so sometimes gives his input. Everything is perfect and awesome. But then Guy starts acting weird. We'd be having drinks as a group and I'd be telling a story involving Max and he'd suddenly get really weird.

[00:04:34] He'd be warning me, telling me completely normal stuff Max does is red flag-ish. Max spontaneously showed up to take on a date, stargazing late at night. I love surprises and I study and work in astronomy. And Guy is going on about how dangerous it was for me to go alone, blah blah. Guy has always been friendly, supportive, nice to and about everyone. So much so that best friend starts to doubt Max and his intentions,

[00:05:02] purely because Guy is a great judge of character. While all my other friends think Max sounds great and laugh Guy off is bizarre. During this time, Guy reveals to me he's going to ask best friend to marry him. Hooray! Totally awesome. Haven't to keep it a secret for now, but I'm really pumped for them. He told me so he could get advice on the ring and how she'd like to be proposed to. All good.

[00:05:26] It finally reached the tipping point when Max met my friends and they all really liked him. Everyone seems to be getting along and Max and Guy are chatting to a side. Suddenly, Guy just puts his glass down hard on the table and storms out of the bar. Best friend is all, what? And goes after him and I go over to Max to see what's up. Max looks super shocked. He tells me Guy was doing a bit of the big brother routine, which he did get from a few guys in the group.

[00:05:54] Max said from most of the others it was playful banter type stuff, but Guy was a lot more serious. The point where he got up and stormed out was because Max had been talking about how serious he was about me. No one had to worry. He would never dream of hurting me, etc. Later on, Max suggested maybe Guy was jealous or something, but I was pretty disbelieving of that. I cannot stress enough that Guy has never done or said anything that ever seemed like he had feelings for me.

[00:06:24] He's treated me the same as anyone else in our friend group. The only difference being is he's gotten to know me more because I spend a lot of time at best friend in his place. Deciding I had enough, I messaged Guy. First, I asked him if he was okay. Then I went on to say that I hoped everything was cool between us. The following conversation reads, He said, It's not cool. I don't trust that guy. I said, Do you mind if I ask why not in specifics?

[00:06:50] No one else got bad vibes and this person and that person even invited him to the beach tomorrow. He said, He looks at you funny. I can't explain it properly. You've known me a while. You know I have your best interest at heart. Trust me on this. I replied, I understand that you can't help it if you get bad vibes, but no one else does. I'm sorry, but I'd need more than trust me to go on. Regardless, while I appreciate your concern, I'm capable of making my own mistakes. And I do not think this is one.

[00:07:20] It'd really mean a lot to me if you could try and get along with him to make it easier to fit in. I plan on keeping him around for a while. And best friend wants to do double dates and stuff. So you're going to run into him eventually. He says, One, double dates sound lame. Two, even if they didn't, I don't want him to come. I said, One, take that up with your lady. Two, do you really not like him that much? He said, Okay, he seems all right but kind of weird. How can a theater kid be so alpha? It's more that I'm jealous.

[00:07:51] Opie responded saying, I resent the notion that theater guys can't be manly. But also, I know the group is really tight. But everyone really likes you. You've been one of us for years now. Max got a lot of attention tonight because he's the new guy. I'm sorry you felt excluded but I promise it's really not like that. He didn't reply for a while and then sent this. Not of that. I've been thinking very carefully about how to phrase this message. I don't want you to think I don't love best friend because I do.

[00:08:20] Very much. But I'm also in love with you. And have been for about two years. When I realized I thought about breaking up with best friend, but you were always so in your own world, I thought I'd never have a shot anyway. Especially if I was your BFF sex. I pushed it down, lived with it. It was hard. It sucked. I got over it. Kind of. I thought that if I couldn't be with you, then at least I could have happiness with best friend and be near you. Then you met Max.

[00:08:49] And watching you start to fall in love with him is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I know it's cliche and dramatic. I know it's fucked and I should just not say any of it. But I literally feel sick when you talk about him. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to hit the guy last night. And how bad I felt about it when I realized he was actually a decent guy. I think the only thing worse than you being with another guy is you being with another guy I actually like. Sorry for offloading on you. I know it's unfair to do this now.

[00:09:19] I do love best friend. You know I do. I want to marry her. I'd rather you didn't tell her, but what happens next is up to you, I guess. Opie responded saying, If this is a joke, it's not funny. Can you please tell me the truth? He said, Sorry, but that is the truth. What are you going to do? I haven't sent him anything back after that. He sent a few more messages asking what I was going to do. I replied to say I was thinking. Small edits.

[00:09:46] Since posting this, he sent quite a few more messages asking what I was going to do. I told him I still hadn't decided overall, but also made it clear I don't reciprocate his feelings. I'm gutted and how I feel is nothing compared to how best friend would feel if she knew. I want to tell her so badly. I know if I was in her shoes, I would want to know. The last thing I'd want to do is marry a guy who wasn't honest with me about something like that. But it was the beginning of this year that we last joked about this exact scenario,

[00:10:16] and she was still adamant she wouldn't want to know. I know it's not my fault, but I still feel terrible. I'm questioning if I ever did anything to bring this on from Guy, and if I can even go on acting like he never said anything. His feels are not reciprocated at all. Never have been. Max was with me when I got the message and has been very supportive. If a little miffed towards Guy for obvious reasons. Send help. Now, I think you're in between a rock and a hard place in this situation.

[00:10:45] You don't tell her and this comes out in the future. That's not a good look and you're going to be accused of betraying your best friend. You can tell her and then there's a potential of him twisting it all around on you. Her getting upset. However, I think the correct option is the second one, of course, because you need to tell your best friend the truth. Otherwise, it is unfair on your best friend and it's unfair on yourself. If you're going to keep hanging around these people, you know, you've got this guy who wants to be with you and you have to hang around with him because you want to be around your best friend.

[00:11:15] And it's weird. I do wonder if Guy is going to try and switch this situation back on OP though, but when he gets turned down. But OP added in the comments saying,

[00:11:38] He pretty much replied saying that even though he had assumed that already, he was still hurt with a sad face, which I ignored. And Max was with me when I got the confession message. He's been really great and supportive. Mildly annoyed at Guy, which is totally understandable. Thank you very much all the same. Someone suggests to OP to respond cautiously and OP says, Oh, I already responded before I saw this. What I said was,

[00:12:04] Firstly, I think I should make it clear I don't have any romantic feelings for you. I never have. I apologize if you thought this was an option. I'm sure you're going through some stuff right now that's brought this on. And I'm not sure how strong feelings could have developed on your end when we only know each other through another person. But now I'm going to maintain a distance from you that I think will be good for both of us. Overall, I haven't decided what I'm going to do. As in whether or not I should tell best friend.

[00:12:32] I'm trying to think seriously about what she would want and what is best for her. And I think you should too. Someone said to OP, How is he in love with you? You haven't slept together, lived together, had fights, done any of the things that come up with being in a relationship. He does not know you on that level. No matter how much he thinks he does. OP said absolutely. Another reason why this shocked me so much. And why I think he isn't. But it's more of a little crush or a fantasy.

[00:13:01] This whole thing is super divisive. I think I have an equal amount of messages saying to tell her as I do not to. Though everyone seems to agree it's sucky and there's no ideal solution. Currently I'm leaning towards giving her an envelope with a letter and the messages in it. And giving her the option to open that or not. If she chooses not to, I have no idea what I'll do next. Because you're completely right. And so are other people when they mention they wouldn't be able to sit there during wedding planning with this going on.

[00:13:29] Thank you very much. So sometime later OP did come in with an update and said sorry this will probably get long. It does. So there are lots of conflicting opinions on what to do. And a lot of you had really good reasons behind those. However there were consensuses which seemed to be one. This sucks and there's no ideal solution. And two. Everyone seemed on board with the letter idea which was suggested by a few people.

[00:13:55] The gist of it was that I should write a letter and put the screen caps etc I took into it. And then offer the information to her again. That way she would have some more agency to choose whether or not she wanted to know. I have to say letting her know there was something to know kind of felt like I was forcing her to choose to open it. But well here's what happened. I made the envelope and went to her place while Guy was working just to hang out. Pretty usual stuff. Reddit.

[00:14:22] It's I'm not a terrible actress but this woman knows me so well. She opened the door to let me in and immediately asked what was wrong. And to my everlasting shame I immediately burst into tears. Super pathetic of me and not ideal. After I'd composed myself I started saying what I'd been practicing in my head. Pretty much that there was something we'd talked about a lot in our scenarios that had happened. And she'd always said that she wouldn't want to know. But I wanted to give her the option. I gave her the letter.

[00:14:52] Then without even opening it she also started to cry. Which made me start up again. Which was kind of okay because the ridiculousness of both of us just standing in our living room sobbing all over each other made us laugh a little bit. A lot of people had guessed she had noticed or had some kind of idea of Guy's feelings. And they were absolutely right. But it's weirder than even that. I genuinely can't believe I'm explaining this. It's just weird. I don't know.

[00:15:20] Best friend had thought Guy had a harmless little crush on me. The kind people in relationships just get sometimes. But when he didn't talk to her about it she started to feel uncomfortable. And she did something she shouldn't have. But you know how it goes. She snooped. She snooped on his laptop months ago. And found a file with my initials on it buried amongst a bunch of other stuff. She went and got his laptop and gave it to me to read while she read my letter. Inside it was stories he had written.

[00:15:50] Like fan fiction. About the three of us living like a kind of poly relationship lifestyle. Where we were his wives. Some of it was sexual stuff. Which you know. I think I could understand it better if it had just been sexual fantasies. But there were also really long documents about our lives together. And it goes deep too. There was a whole plot line about him trying to convince me to have kids. Love them but I'm child free. And everyone around me knows it. There were loads of stories. All different lengths.

[00:16:19] I didn't read all of it. Just kind of skim read them with my mouth hanging open. It's hard to explain. It was really bizarre to read about myself like that. There were newer documents Best Friend hadn't read too. Best Friend goes on to tell me that she hadn't minded because she was in all the stories as well. So she's reassured in his love for her. But obviously me being part of their life in that way isn't her ideal. And she was disturbed by the way he had spoken to me in the messages from the other day.

[00:16:48] And the other ones he sent since. I asked her loads of questions. Including if she felt safe. And she said she does. I asked her what she wanted to do. And she said she wanted to leave him. She also apologized for not telling me. And while it doesn't sit well with me that she didn't. Because of what happened after this. I've basically forgiven her and put any talk of that on hold. She doesn't need that now. And I've been so relieved she wasn't mad at me for bursting her bubble. And concerned for her.

[00:17:17] That it seems very secondary. Of all the things I expected to happen during my visits. It was none of that. So then the conversation switched to me being worried about her safety. Because while he doesn't seem dangerous. This is very obsessive. And he's clearly been upset by his fantasy becoming further from reality with Max in the picture. And now this. I'm a little anxious about Max's safety too. I can't tell if I'm being reasonable or paranoid. She assured me tenfold that she feels completely safe.

[00:17:46] He's never done anything other than this that's red flag-ish. But that she still wants to leave. And she's very cautious by nature. So she's taken some precautions. She got up and went to pack her bags. And started giving me typical her business-like instructions on the things she wanted me to grab from around the house. She filled up her suitcases. And I filled up a box of her personal stuff. Then she wrote a note for Guy explaining that she didn't think they should be together anymore. And she would only talk with him about it over messages or in person a few days from now.

[00:18:16] In a public place. She assured me. So this is when I did something I maybe shouldn't have. I don't know. I carry a pen drive on my keychain. I told her that I wanted to take copies of the stories because if anything happens. Even if she doesn't think it will. It's important that there's something we can use to prove his obsessive behavior. She said fine. So now I have a pen drive full of fan fiction and playlists about myself. My best friend and her ex. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not tempted to read them.

[00:18:44] Sheer morbid curiosity. But I've resisted so far. We went to my place first. Well we thought of what to do next. And her emotions were understandably all over the place. After I got a call from Max and filled him in. He said to come stay with him since Guy doesn't know where he lives. Best friend preferred to stay at a nearby hotel. Which we used my card to pay for. And after I hovered over her anxiously as she settled in. She eventually said she wanted to be alone. Which isn't unusual for her when she's upset.

[00:19:14] I've been to visit her and she's been sending me messages the whole time. So I'm feeling pretty confident about where her head's at. Sad but coping well considering. But still general worriedness. I'm staying with Max until things settle down. I've gotten and I'm still getting messages from Guy. I have been since about 5pm that night. And it's been two nights since then. They're very I just want to talk messages. Not aggressive or anything like that.

[00:19:41] I was going to block him on everything but best friend asked me not to. Because she's worried about his mental state. As a side note. I'm not bashing poly relationships by any means in this post. This is most definitely not the thing about this I find weird and bizarre. You do you. Lastly thank you so much to the people who commented. Especially the ones who wrote a lot and gave me such good advice. And just sent general good feelings my way. Or PM'd me. You guys were amazing.

[00:20:10] I'm super grateful for all the comments. OP shares a little bit more information about the fanfic. And says. I had a lapse and checked one of the playlists. But then I saw that new pop song with the Jonas Brothers was on it. And I immediately closed it. I don't want to ruin any of the songs I like by being reminded when they come on the radio. Is it weird that I feel more embarrassed of a guy than I feel creeped out? I think I cringed so hard at one of the parts I read. I made an entirely new facial expression. It was something like.

[00:20:40] I'm cringing even now remembering it. Him waking up one morning and walking into our living room. And story me. What the fuck. Runs up to him and throws her arms around him. And then they make breakfast together. I stopped reading when it started getting sexual. OP says again. It's this combined with his aggressive behavior towards Max. And the hourly messages I'm getting that led me to call him obsessive. Also these documents aren't little stories. There aren't a few of them.

[00:21:08] The biggest document is 50,000 plus words. There are 22 documents in all. Though three of them are lists of random stuff. He's also been writing them for over a year. I'm sorry if it hurt your feelings that me and other people in the thread are calling it obsessive. It's natural to get heavily invested when you really fall for someone you can't be with. And to do things like draw them. Think about them a lot, etc. However, there comes a point where it becomes unhealthy.

[00:21:35] Besides that, if you read my comments, you'll notice I say multiple times that I'm sure he wrote them because they're fantasies no one was supposed to see. And that I feel bad for him more than anything else. So, around a year later, Dragonfly said to OP in a comment, so I went back and read your link. What happened? Did guy just slink away? The more I read, the more unhinged he seemed. Hope your friend came out of that on her feet. OP says he didn't actually.

[00:22:04] It's over now, but there was some more drama not long after my post. But you were generally only allowed one update post. And there wasn't much more advice I could get. I'm happy to PM you and copy and paste the message to anyone else. To tell you what happened, if you'd like to know. It's a bit of a rabbit hole, I know. But I feel like posting it here would be a bit rude to OP. Or possibly against the rules since there was police involvement. I will say that everyone is fine though. It's been a while since then. It's still strange to think back on it.

[00:22:34] And that was OP's last post. Teased us with a bit of extra information at the end there. But holy moly, I'm glad to hear that everyone was safe in the end. Because it sounds like things went over the edge. The guy's got 22 documents. One of them with over 50,000 words in it. The guy created a completely fantasy second life for himself. Holy moly. Now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:23:01] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you for being here today. Getting involved in the stories you'll love. You'll support your time. It always means the absolute world to me. So, thank you so, so much. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.