My Best Friend Set Me Up On A Blind Date 2 Weeks After Losing My Husband r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you're well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys.

[00:00:18] Now, today's first story comes from TemporaryLie3460. It says, Am I the asshole for walking out on a blind date? My friend set up two weeks after my husband died. I just really need some clarity on this situation. I, 23 female, lost my husband, 25 male, weeks ago to a car accident. He was the love of my life and I'm still not used to waking up without him every day. We have big plans for our future and it all came crashing down in a heartbeat.

[00:00:48] We met on his uncle's farm. It was a farmhand and it was love at first sight for me. I'm also four months pregnant but I haven't told anyone. I was planning on telling my friend when I was feeling better. My best friend, Lee, I google that name pronunciation, don't come at me, 24 female, has been my shoulder to cry on during this time. She helped me with his funeral and anything else I needed and I have no contact with my bio family. A story for another time.

[00:01:15] She is currently dating Barry, 24 male. They usually hang out in a trio with Liam, 24 male. When I first met Liam, he hit on me hard, tried everything as in would try to compare himself with my husband and say weird things like our kids would be cuter than if you had kids with my husband. He's also made weird comments like I need a city boy and would motion himself when I'm a country girl through and through.

[00:01:41] I typically would shut him down or ignore him but I would always get dirty looks from Barry. Skip to Sunday night. I got a message from Lee begging me to come to dinner with her because she wanted to treat me as I had been through a lot in the last couple of weeks. Feeling not so shit about myself, I decided to go. When I arrived, she wasn't there so I texted her asking how long she would be and she told me five minutes. She's just running late and is around the corner.

[00:02:08] So I sat down and ordered a drink. Now five minutes comes and she's still not there so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and waited another five. When I'm about to call her, Liam comes rushing over and gives his apologies for being late. I asked him what he's doing here because I'm waiting for Lee and it was a two chair table. He smiles at me and grabs my hand. I rip it off of him and he just says oh I asked Lee to set us up.

[00:02:34] Now husband's name isn't a problem. We can finally get to know each other. He looks so cringy and I'm telling you I was floored. I stood up and told him I wasn't interested and I certainly don't give a flying fuck about getting to know him and that I just lost my husband. Without a word of a lie, this man stands up and said I know you're being overly emotional right now so I'll forgive you for that. Sit down with me. I'm not saying we have to have sex straight away or anything. I was disgusted.

[00:03:02] I shoved past him and went home as fast as I could. When I got home, Lee messaged me. So how was dinner? With a smirk emoji. I called her and when she answered, I didn't let her get a word in. I yelled at her and asked her how she has the audacity to do something like this weeks after I just lost my husband. When she's been the one to hold me together this whole time. I asked her what fucking game she was playing and that the only reason I wanted to meet with her tonight was to tell her I'm pregnant.

[00:03:30] I just hung up on her and text her I need time and don't want to be contacted by her for the time being. Last night, Barry came to my house and asked to talk. I said no and that if he didn't leave I'd call the police. He told me I broke Lee's heart and that I deeply hurt Liam. When now was an even better time to get to know Liam because he could raise my child with me. I opened my door which Barry took as I wanted to talk. Instead, I hit him with my shoes and chased him to his car screaming.

[00:03:58] I'm actually embarrassed I did that. All day today, I'm being flooded with messages from friends and a trio themselves shaming me for pushing people who care about me the most away. And that they don't even recognize the person I've become. The only thing that hurts me the most is that my husband would know what to do. He would tell me how to fix it. Now I have no one who I can talk to. I'm just so numb inside.

[00:04:22] I have a therapy appointment tomorrow but I'm thinking of calling my husband's mum even though we've barely spoken since the funeral. Any advice is appreciated. Please exclude any typos. I'm just so exhausted. Not the arsehole. Not the arsehole. And a triple. Not the arsehole. You had me at the title. A friend setting you up on a blind date two weeks after your husband dies. Immediately had me saying, that's no friend.

[00:04:48] She may have supported you for the last couple of weeks and helped you go through certain things. But think about what happened in the background here. Your husband sadly dies. Liam being the scumbag that he is sees this as an opportunity. Approaches your supposedly best friend Lee. And at this point Lee had many options to go down. Many different paths she could have set. She could have told him to fuck off. She could have told him, no, this is definitely not the right time. It's only been two weeks.

[00:05:17] But she went with the worst bloody option possible. This person has no respect for your feelings. For your loss. What you're going through. Lean on other support systems and not these people. Because that is not a friend group. Not one that I would want anyway. If I were in your shoes says, not the arsehole a thousand times. That is way too soon for any of that. Sorry I know women and it's been years and they are still not dating. And I'm sorry for your loss. You need time to grieve. Take the time you need.

[00:05:47] There is no timeline for it. Take care of yourself and your child. Ty Nerva says, what the holy hell. Throw that entire friend group in the garbage. No respect for your feelings. No respect for your boundaries. No respect for your loss. Not the arsehole. And I'm sorry for your loss. Roman says, the real problem here is your friendship with Lee. She may have supported you during the first few weeks of your loss. But she's certainly not your friend now.

[00:06:15] She's pimping you out to any bozo who comes along. Probably at her arsehole husband's insistence. If they and anyone else thinks you can get over such a profound loss with a cheap fuck. Then they need out of your life. The fact that they're all in on taking advantage of a grieving pregnant widow is beyond creepy. Of course you've changed. You've just lost your husband. Which any normal person would be deeply affected by. Cut them out of your life. No explanation needed. Block, block, block.

[00:06:44] You and the baby are all that matter now. Arsehole friends have absolutely no place in your life now. I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Not the arsehole here. The OP came in with her update and says hello and thank you. I just wanted to start off with, I will call my mother-in-law Louise. After making the post, I thought that I needed to tell her about the baby. Because just like some of you said, she is overjoyed about the news. She didn't answer my call, but instead drove straight over to my house.

[00:07:13] I honestly didn't know what to say to her, but we just hugged and cried all night. I didn't have the best delivery about how I'm pregnant, probably due to all the crying, but she just lit up and was so happy. It's the first time I've seen her be this happy in all the time I've known her. So at least I have some support. My father-in-law came over when he finished work after mother-in-law told him he needed to come to my house. And he was overjoyed about becoming a pop. Louise offered to have the baby and I move in, and I agreed.

[00:07:42] She said that I can sleep in my husband's old room, which was a little bittersweet. When I told her what was going on with Lee, Liam and Barry, she was furious and told me not to worry about it because they, mother-in-law and father-in-law, have my back. After a lot of even more crying, father-in-law told me that my husband would be so happy to have this baby grow up on a farm like my husband did. Overall, our conversations last night were something I needed. Now I'm just going to answer some comments. 1. No, this isn't fake.

[00:08:12] If you choose to believe that, then that's fine. But don't be dragging my husband when you don't even know him. Liam didn't kill my husband. It was a car accident and my husband died on impact. Nothing crazy went on. It's just awful. But it is simply that. 2. Lee was my friend for a long time. She was genuinely there for me when I went no contact with my parents and thought she was a decent friend. Now knowing the truth, there is many things I can think of that she did her red flags.

[00:08:40] Personally, I think I ignored them because I've never been close to anyone like that other than my husband. 3. Liam is a loser. And from my chat with Barry, I learned that he's always had feelings for me and he's never given up because apparently he's my type. He isn't and never will be. 4. Yes, I ordered a drink. I didn't think I needed to disclose that I ordered a lemonade. It was simply a soda. Nothing wild. I know I'm pregnant and I'd never do anything silly. 5.

[00:09:10] I'm not magically pregnant. My husband and I both wanted children young and we were trying for about a year. We just didn't disclose that we were trying because my husband and I think it's weird telling people, oh, we're having sex an extra amount. I don't know, but my husband and I are very private people and kept a lot of it that way. As for the trio, I've blocked them. None of my family are reaching out because they simply don't know me anymore.

[00:09:35] The only friends who are reaching out are mutuals at either Lee, Barry and one of Liam's other friends. I was confused if I was an asshole because I just left Liam standing there and yelled at Lee. I was so upset. I was confused on the entire thing. But thank you all. We'll update on what happens because I know Liam will not give up until he's in jail. I seriously hope it doesn't come to that, but the fact that he drove past my house twice is uneasy.

[00:10:01] So I'm hopeful the move to my husband's parents' farm will have my baby and myself on a better path. And a top comment comes from Jemethyst who says, report him for stalking and obtain a restraining order. Accept your in-laws' help and support for now, but be careful about it as you move forward. You were young to never say never about another partner. Keep an eye and allow them to be grandparents, not surrogate parents. Be cautious about your boundaries longer term, but for now embrace their love and support and

[00:10:30] dump your friends. And I gotta be honest, I was thinking along kind of those lines as well as I was reading about the parents. I thought in the first part, absolutely lean on the support of those in-laws while they're offering it to you. It doesn't sound like you've got much support around you at the moment. So to have that is a good thing. And a part of me as well, you know, the excitement for you having their grandchild, which is, you know, absolute valid excitement.

[00:10:56] And I know this is just the brain of one too many Reddit stories, right? Obviously they've been through an absolute time as well, losing their son. But all I would say is I think at some point down the road when baby does come along, that firm boundaries need to be in place that you are the parent, etc. And like I said, that's just one too many Reddit stories. These might be the perfect grandparents that you need, right? So I don't want to be hating on them for no reason. But I am incredibly sorry for your loss.

[00:11:25] 23 and dealing with that, the pregnancy as well. It's a lot. I mean, there's never an age that makes it any easier, you know. But gee whiz. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from a throw away account that says, am I the asshole for not allowing my adopted son to choose the movie on family movie night?

[00:11:54] I, 45 male, have four sons. Three biological, 17 male, 15 male, 12 male. And one adopted, 13 male. We adopted Jake when he was three years old. He came from a really difficult background and we've always tried to give him as much love and support as possible. But if I'm being honest, it hasn't been easy. Jake has always been more of a challenge compared to my other boys. He's extremely sensitive and gets upset over the smallest things.

[00:12:24] Due to the trauma he experienced early on, Jake is mentally and emotionally more like an eight or nine year old, even though he's 13. This isn't because of any special needs. It's just results of what he's been through. When he was younger, he struggled a lot in school to the point he was eventually expelled from his primary school for behavioral issues. It was a really tough time for our family.

[00:12:47] We ended up enrolling him in a SEMH, social, emotional and mental health school, which cost around 70k per year. While the school has helped him somewhat, Jake still causes a lot of problems. The school often calls us because Jake's had a meltdown or couldn't handle something. And it's clear he needs a lot more attention than our other kids. At home, Jake's neediness can be overwhelming.

[00:13:13] He's constantly seeking reassurance and gets upset if things don't go exactly his way. My wife has always been very patient with him. Maybe too patient. In my opinion, she tends to cater to his needs a lot more than the other boys. And I can see it's starting to wear on them. I can tell they're starting to feel like Jake gets special treatment. Earlier today, during our usual Saturday family movie night, this issue came to a head. We always vote on the movie to keep things fair.

[00:13:42] The older boys and I wanted to watch the first Avengers movie. When we voted, Jake was the only one who wanted to watch Spider-Verse instead. Jake loves Spider-Verse and we watched it several times before. Seeing how upset Jake was getting, my wife suggested that we just watch Spider-Verse to avoid a meltdown. She felt it wasn't worth the fight and wanted to keep the peace. Especially considering how sensitive Jake is. But I felt like it wasn't fair to the other boys who had won the vote fairly.

[00:14:12] I said no, we're sticking to the movie that won the vote. Jake predictably got really upset, stormed off to his room and refused to come back downstairs. After the movie, my wife and I had a huge argument. She said I was being too harsh and I don't understand how difficult things are for Jake because of his past. She thinks I should just let him have his way to avoid the conflict. But I'm tired of walking on eggshells and constantly giving in to Jake at the expense of the other boys.

[00:14:40] I don't think it's right to let Jake dictate everything just because he's more sensitive. Am I the asshole for not letting my adopted son choose the movie on family movie night? Even though it upset him and led to a huge argument with my wife. So the relevant comments on this one. The first one comes from Old Beach who says, Not the asshole, it's okay to give in. But if you always give in, Jake learns nothing. And your other three boys will feel neglected. Jake cannot always have his way.

[00:15:07] And at mental age of 8 or 9, he needs to learn and find coping skills to help manage his emotions. Your wife will do him no favors by always giving in. Since eventually he'll be an adult and no one except her will treat him that way. Horror ad says you can't let Jake make all the decisions in the house. On the other hand, a vote seems fair but it really isn't. If there's a majority whose tastes are in sync, they win the vote every time. A better system would be to rotate who gets to pick the movie.

[00:15:37] That makes the decision predictable. And no one thinks they're being picked on for being different. No introduction says, Suggestion, kill the vote and rotate through each kid to pick the movie. Parents must be agreement to veto the movie. I.e. if one agrees and the other disagrees, movie stays as is. If both parents agree that the movie is not appropriate for that night, kid gets to pick a different movie. Callie the Blaze says, I know you've got him enrolled in the fancy private school. But are you guys working with a family therapist?

[00:16:07] Because if not, it sounds like you really need one. You've got to figure a way to support Jake, while helping him learn to tolerate frustration and not getting his way. If he doesn't learn that, he's going to have a terribly lonely limited life. It sounds like you aren't working with a therapist yet, which means that between you and your wife, everyone sucks here. All your kids need support and Jake needs structure and balance, not coddling. OP, which this comment was downvoted by the way, it says,

[00:16:37] It really isn't a fancy independent school. It's honestly just like a normal school, but they have a ratio of like three teachers per child or something crazy like that. I mean, it's a bit more than a normal state school, but it isn't like a hugely fancy place. He has therapy throughout CAMHS,

[00:17:06] And just a quick Google, The NHS says, A commenter asks for info and says, Is Jake often outvoted? Do you ever take turns to ensure everyone gets to choose, or each month someone puts in a movie choice into a hat to pick one out each week until all have been watched? OP says, I wouldn't say he's often outvoted. Like I said in the post, he's chosen for us to watch Spider-Verse many times in the past,

[00:17:35] and we've all watched it together. I would say it's usually pretty equal with the movie nights, and usually no one is completely upset, as they all have similar taste in films, even if something wasn't their first choice. OP says, and to be clear, he does have therapy. He has it both through the CAMHS, and through his school. You said we're going to family therapy, which is what I was referring to. And also I thought I mentioned this, but just read through and didn't. We don't pay for his school,

[00:18:04] because he's a former LAC, and has an EHCP, the LA pays the school directly. There's no way in God's green earth we'd be able to afford 70k per year. OP came in with her update, which said, Hi all, this is an update to a post I made about four months ago. For full context, you might want to check out the original post. After reading through your comments and taking some time to reflect, I came to realize I've been too harsh on Jake.

[00:18:32] Not just regarding the movie night incident, but in general, Jake has had a difficult journey since he joined our family. But that's not his fault. When we chose to adopt him, we committed to supporting him through every challenge. He didn't choose his trauma, and he certainly didn't choose to end up in a family where he might feel different from his siblings. That responsibility lies with us. We've made a few changes, starting with family movie night. Instead of voting, which often left Jake feeling excluded, we've switched to a rotor

[00:19:02] where each person takes a turn to picking the movie. The simple change has removed a lot of attention and has made movie night feel more inclusive for everyone. Honestly, can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. Thank you to everyone who suggested it. In hindsight, I realized my original post felt more like a venting session and I regret the way I spoke about Jake. I needed to get those feelings out, but now I understand it wasn't fair to talk about him in that way, even anonymously. Since then, I've started journaling

[00:19:32] to work through my emotions privately and with a clearer head. I'm really grateful for the wake-up call your comments provided. One point raised repeatedly in the comments was the glass child concept. The idea that our other boys might feel overlooked because of Jake's needs. That really hit home for me. To address this, we've started a new Sunday tradition. Each Sunday, I take one of our boys out for a full day. Just the two of us, doing something that he chooses. It's been great for all of us

[00:20:01] and has given me precious one-on-one time with each of my sons. My relationship with him feels stronger and it's something I look forward to every week. Jake and I also had a long heart-to-heart after my original post. He opened up about feeling like his opinions and wants don't matter and that he sometimes believes I love my other boys more. Hearing that broke my heart and I took responsibility for my role in making him feel this way. His early trauma definitely impacts his sense of security but I can't ignore

[00:20:30] that my own behavior contributed as well. I'm committed to showing him that he's just as valued and loved as his brothers. Finally, some people asked about therapy. Jake's been on the waiting list for a more specialized therapist for a while now. Well, before I made the original post. In the meantime, he does receive some therapy through his school and general therapy through CAMHS which helps but we know he'll benefit much more once he has consistent access to a trauma-informed therapist.

[00:21:00] We're hopeful this will come through soon. Thanks again to everyone who shared insights and advice. These changes have made a huge difference in our family's dynamics and I feel closer to all my sons. I'm working every day to be a better parent to Jake and a more balanced dad for all our kids. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now, just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart

[00:21:29] for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love.