My Best Friend Is Plotting Revenge Against Her Cheating Husband r/Relationships

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[00:01:12] Es ist Titel,

[00:01:13] WOULD I BE THE ARSEHLE IF I TOLD MY BEST FRIEND'S EX-HUSBAND THAT SHE IS NOT PLANNING ON REMARRIING HIM WHEN HE LEAVES HIS CURRENT WIFE?

[00:01:23] That title took me a moment, I gotta be honest.

[00:01:26] OP says,

[00:01:27] I will leave all ages, names and locations anonymous because, read below.

[00:01:31] My best friend and her ex-husband were couple goals.

[00:01:34] At least I know that my best friend loved him so much.

[00:01:37] When she found out that he cheated on her with a co-worker, she was in so much pain that she miscarried.

[00:01:43] She left him of course.

[00:01:45] After a short while we heard that he started dating that colleague.

[00:01:49] It gave her more pain and it didn't help that the woman was gloating about it on social media.

[00:01:54] Anyway, my friend started speaking to her ex again and told him that she missed him etc.

[00:01:59] He left the co-worker but then my best friend said that she couldn't forgive him anyway and broke it off again.

[00:02:06] Again, he started dating the co-worker again.

[00:02:09] This time the co-worker demanded that they got married because of what he did when he left her.

[00:02:14] This time my friend was very cool about it.

[00:02:17] She wasn't in pain and she just said, oh well.

[00:02:21] They got married last August.

[00:02:22] Today I know why she's been too cool about it.

[00:02:25] She'd been talking to him again and before resuming any relationship with him, she wants him to get divorced.

[00:02:32] Then she told me that once he is divorced, she would tell him she didn't want him anymore.

[00:02:37] I was shocked.

[00:02:38] I told her so but she was very indifferent, saying that she didn't lead him on, didn't sleep with him and didn't promise him anything.

[00:02:46] Just that she wouldn't want to have anything to do with him if he was married.

[00:02:49] I told her that this was going too far, but she got upset and told me that I would be the asshole if I warned any of them.

[00:02:56] Am I the asshole here?

[00:02:59] Okay.

[00:02:59] Ittaly says on the back of this one, frankly, the most important thing for you here is helping your friend move on.

[00:03:04] Whether she is an asshole or not doesn't matter.

[00:03:07] She shouldn't spend her time plotting revenge because it is not healthy for her.

[00:03:12] Opie replies saying that's the thing.

[00:03:14] I'm not sure if she's handling the situation the best way to move on.

[00:03:17] I'm worried about her.

[00:03:19] Ittaly replies to that and says, I agree, but that isn't going to be solved by telling the ex.

[00:03:25] Leave the ex to his own devices.

[00:03:26] He's obviously an idiot anyway.

[00:03:29] Try to help your friend move on for real if you can.

[00:03:32] She might need therapy, especially grief therapy for the miscarriage.

[00:03:36] Happy Few says yes, major asshole.

[00:03:38] These people have inflicted so much pain and trauma on her.

[00:03:42] Not everyone is the high row type.

[00:03:44] Let her have her revenge and stop judging her for how she goes scorched earth.

[00:03:49] Turbulent message says you would be the asshole.

[00:03:51] The ex and his girlfriend or wife will probably not believe you because you're the ex's best friend.

[00:03:56] And your best friend will not forgive you for betraying her confidence.

[00:03:59] Stay out of it and tell your friend that you don't want to hear any more about her plans.

[00:04:04] Reaction Novel says, to be honest, all this story is telling me is that

[00:04:08] that man does not care about either woman.

[00:04:10] He most likely was never loyal to the affair partner anyways and just likes playing games

[00:04:15] between two women that seem to be venous towards each other.

[00:04:18] Your friend wants to show the affair partner that she isn't special and the affair partner

[00:04:22] wanted marriage to make her win seem solid.

[00:04:25] But yeah, just stay out of it because if he can easily be convinced now,

[00:04:29] even if it wasn't your friend, it was going to be another woman.

[00:04:32] He seems to struggle with temptation.

[00:04:35] The plant whisperer banana says, do you know what?

[00:04:37] I think you should stay out of this.

[00:04:39] The ex husband deserves this and his current wife isn't much better.

[00:04:42] Plus, if anything, this would probably be doing her a favor as he's messing around behind her back too now.

[00:04:48] What an absolute piece of garbage he is.

[00:04:50] It's incredible.

[00:04:51] Just be there for your friend.

[00:04:53] And if this is what she wants to do, let her.

[00:04:55] It's not healthy, but whatever.

[00:04:57] She's been through a lot.

[00:04:58] Maybe this will help her to gain closure.

[00:05:00] If she goes through with it and she's still obsessing over getting revenge on him,

[00:05:05] then I would recommend stepping in and helping her to get external support such as therapy.

[00:05:09] And a lot of the comments in this one were basically wanting that revenge.

[00:05:14] Saying let her go through with it.

[00:05:16] And some people saying you're siding with a husband.

[00:05:19] Maybe some people were suggesting that she's got a thing for the husband if she was to tell him.

[00:05:24] And many people talking about, you know, revenge being therapeutic for some people.

[00:05:29] Maybe even closure for some people.

[00:05:32] I think for myself, I wouldn't step in and say anything.

[00:05:36] But I would certainly be concerned about my friend's mental state in that time.

[00:05:41] If it is going to give them some kind of closure.

[00:05:43] Or are they just in so much pain from what they've been through?

[00:05:46] Through miscarriage, infidelity.

[00:05:48] Their whole life been turned upside down.

[00:05:51] And then having to watch someone go and get married again.

[00:05:54] And constantly having that guy to the forefront of your mind can't be healthy for you.

[00:05:59] And I know it's a very obvious thing to say.

[00:06:02] But I would encourage her to seek that professional help.

[00:06:05] To try and help her through things like the infidelity, the miscarriage.

[00:06:08] And everything that's gone on.

[00:06:10] And just remove her ex-husband out of her life.

[00:06:14] Because that's what she deserves.

[00:06:16] But OP came in with an update and said,

[00:06:18] So, here is my update on what happened to my best friend and her ex-husband.

[00:06:22] I'll try to link the original post again.

[00:06:25] I ended up not warning the ex-husband like you guys advised me not to.

[00:06:29] Again, I will not divulge any information about locations, names or age.

[00:06:34] Shortly after my post, my best friend asked her ex-husband to make his divorce announcements publicly.

[00:06:39] To say how he regretted it and how he still loved her and wanted things to work out between them.

[00:06:44] I guess she wanted everything to be on social media for everyone to see.

[00:06:48] He was more than willing to do it.

[00:06:51] Afterwards, he thought everything was going to be fine between them because he did everything she told him to.

[00:06:56] He showered her with flowers, sent to her place every morning and expensive gifts that my best friend just kept in our hall.

[00:07:03] Unopened.

[00:07:04] She told him that she didn't trust him yet because as long as the divorce wasn't finalized,

[00:07:09] he could always take advantage of her and go back to his co-worker.

[00:07:13] The divorce was finalized last week and, of course, the first thing her ex did was calling her to tell her the news.

[00:07:19] After that, she ghosted him and she hasn't answered his calls since.

[00:07:23] I met her yesterday and she was so elated.

[00:07:27] I've never thought that vindictiveness and revenge would make someone this happy.

[00:07:32] She said this was the first time she felt happy since she found out about the affair.

[00:07:36] I felt very sad inside and I don't know why.

[00:07:39] I love my friend and I don't want her to change but I don't recognize her very much.

[00:07:44] I asked her if this was it, if she really felt happy and she said that she did.

[00:07:49] She was ready to move on.

[00:07:51] I asked her what if he and the colleague ended up back together.

[00:07:55] She said that she would not care at all.

[00:07:57] That she hoped that they would get back together now with what happened always being between them.

[00:08:01] So that she wouldn't begrudge them moving on.

[00:08:04] Separately or together, she didn't care anymore.

[00:08:07] She sent back all the unopened gifts.

[00:08:09] I don't know what to feel but terrible sadness.

[00:08:13] These two loved each other more than anything and were so happy together at one point in their lives.

[00:08:17] And now, and my friend, she was the kindest person I know.

[00:08:21] And now.

[00:08:22] Oh well.

[00:08:24] This is my update.

[00:08:25] On the back of that one there was a couple of comments.

[00:08:27] Coolstick said there's a reason people hate cheaters so much.

[00:08:30] The damage it does is severe.

[00:08:33] Consistent ad says, let me get this straight.

[00:08:35] One, he cheats with a co-worker, causes her a late miscarriage.

[00:08:39] Two, dates co-worker.

[00:08:41] Three, begs for wife back.

[00:08:42] They talk.

[00:08:43] He's still a cheater.

[00:08:44] She doesn't trust him.

[00:08:45] So he goes back to the same co-worker.

[00:08:47] Four, marries the co-worker.

[00:08:49] So he won't leave her again.

[00:08:51] Still begs for ex.

[00:08:52] She said publicly declare love and divorce her.

[00:08:55] Five, long term revenge.

[00:08:57] He divorces co-worker and tries to win her back.

[00:08:59] Friend is finally at peace.

[00:09:01] The reason she doesn't care.

[00:09:03] Your friends showed the other woman, co-worker, he will always want her.

[00:09:08] He is still a cheater and nothing special.

[00:09:10] And if the co-worker takes him back, they will now have all this between them.

[00:09:14] I can see why she is at peace now.

[00:09:17] Hopefully she will move on.

[00:09:18] Just be a friend and support her.

[00:09:20] These two loved each other more than anything and were so happy together at one point in their lives.

[00:09:25] Love wasn't enough for him to betray her and cause her the most pain a person can have.

[00:09:31] OP says,

[00:09:32] That see you next Tuesday was all over social media gloating about her relationship with him.

[00:09:37] Emma literally copy and pasted her exact words and verbiage for her ex to use as he announced how happy he was that she was giving him a second chance.

[00:09:45] Exact same words.

[00:09:47] He had many posts about how regretful he was and how he would not miss this chance.

[00:09:51] Now she has deleted all of her social media.

[00:09:54] Probably out of shame and humiliation.

[00:09:57] Big Zucchini says,

[00:09:58] I get where you are coming from.

[00:09:59] But I think she was in the right.

[00:10:01] He made vows to your friend and broke them.

[00:10:04] Her child died and the whole life she had planned died with it.

[00:10:07] She showed his new wife just how little his vows mean to him and how little both women mean to him.

[00:10:13] Sure, it was entrapment but it only worked because he is an awful person.

[00:10:16] If he had stayed loyal to his new wife then your friend would have had to move on.

[00:10:20] He didn't.

[00:10:22] I get that you are worried about who she is now but she is still grieving her child, relationship, life, future.

[00:10:28] Anger is a perfectly healthy phase of grief.

[00:10:31] There is a good chance she goes back to being exactly who you thought she was.

[00:10:35] Now you know she is capable of standing up for herself and not being so kind that she ends up a doormat.

[00:10:41] Revolutionally Bad says,

[00:10:42] Maybe I am a bad person at heart because I think what she did was pretty badass.

[00:10:46] Men screw over women everyday.

[00:10:48] Women sit around and cry and complain.

[00:10:50] But this is what they should do.

[00:10:52] Sweet.

[00:10:53] Revenge.

[00:10:53] Revenge.

[00:10:54] And there was a lot of debate below this one whether revenge will give her that closure that she ultimately wants.

[00:11:01] Whatever happens going forward I do hope she finds that closure whether it's through professional help or what she has been through.

[00:11:08] Because she has been through a hell of a lot.

[00:11:12] And I am sure it is going to take more than this to get her past it.

[00:11:15] But I really do wish her the best going forward.

[00:11:18] And I am going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:11:20] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:11:23] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:11:26] Let us move on to another story.

[00:11:30] And for our next story it's one that we've covered in the past but it has a new update attached.

[00:11:35] As always I am going to go through the initial parts of the story then add the update on the end.

[00:11:39] And timestamps are always down in the description so you can skip certain parts if you want to.

[00:11:43] This is from a throw away account from the am I the arsehole subreddit and says would I be the arsehole for secretly recording my dad's girlfriend?

[00:11:50] I am male 20 and I was a former foster kid.

[00:11:54] I was never adopted before I aged out but I was placed with Joe when I was 10.

[00:11:59] And we were long term matched by the time I was 14.

[00:12:02] Joe is the only real family I have ever had and I consider him my dad.

[00:12:06] Even though the whole adoption thing never happened.

[00:12:09] When I first moved in with Joe he was married but his wife passed away suddenly when I was 12.

[00:12:14] That was tough on both of us but we managed to get through it together.

[00:12:18] Now Joe has been dating his current girlfriend Sarah for about 2 years.

[00:12:23] She didn't come over much and when she did it was pretty brief.

[00:12:27] But 3 weeks ago she moved into our house because she lost her job and couldn't afford rent anymore.

[00:12:33] I don't know if she was always like this or if moving in has brought out a different side of her.

[00:12:37] But Sarah has been acting really strange.

[00:12:40] Whenever Joe isn't around she completely ignores me like won't even look at me when I speak.

[00:12:45] Won't answer questions.

[00:12:47] Nothing.

[00:12:47] At first I thought it might be some kind of anxiety thing.

[00:12:50] But now it started getting worse.

[00:12:53] For example when Joe is at work and I am in the lounge watching a movie.

[00:12:57] She will come in and start blasting TikToks on her phone or playing music.

[00:13:01] Totally disregarding the fact that I am there.

[00:13:03] When I ask her to turn it down she just flat out ignores me.

[00:13:07] And it's not just the ignoring that is the problem.

[00:13:09] She started saying some pretty nasty stuff about me too.

[00:13:13] She's FaceTimed her friend while I was in the room and talked about how lazy I am and how I don't contribute anything to the household.

[00:13:20] Yesterday I was sitting on the sofa watching a new Deadpool movie when she came in and sat across from me.

[00:13:26] FaceTiming her friend again.

[00:13:27] She started talking about how she and Joe are trying for a baby and how excited they are because neither of them have had children before.

[00:13:35] Those exact words.

[00:13:37] It felt like a slap in the face.

[00:13:40] I know Joe wouldn't have said something like that because he considers me his son.

[00:13:44] So either she's making it up or I don't even know what.

[00:13:47] I haven't told Joe about the things she's been saying to her friend because I don't want to mess up his first real relationship since his wife died.

[00:13:54] But this situation is seriously eating me up inside.

[00:13:57] I mentioned the situation to a few people and a couple of them suggested that I secretly record her behavior when Joe isn't around so that he can see what's really going on.

[00:14:06] It seemed like a good idea at first but when I talked to one of my close friends about it, he said that secretly recording her could just make things worse.

[00:14:13] He thinks it might make feel Joe like I'm going behind his back and could cause even more tension, especially if Sarah twists it to make me look bad.

[00:14:21] So would I be the asshole if I secretly recorded her to show Joe what she's really like or should I just avoid it altogether?

[00:14:28] I don't want to seem like I'm trying to sabotage his relationship but I'm not sure what else to do.

[00:14:35] November says you need to talk to Joe.

[00:14:37] You can record it in case he doesn't believe you but you need to talk to him ASAP.

[00:14:41] And you might also have to work on your exit plan in case it backfires, which it can.

[00:14:46] People in love do strange things at times, not the asshole.

[00:14:50] Opie says I don't think Joe would ever kick me out but you're right, I should have a backup plan just in case.

[00:14:56] Carl says so many parents kick out kids when new relationships form and the kid doesn't get on with a new spouse.

[00:15:02] Don't be blindsided by something that is a huge possibility.

[00:15:06] You're an adult.

[00:15:07] Joe's girlfriend could have the very easy argument that you're an adult and need to move out so they can work on furthering their relationship.

[00:15:13] Having a child together would absolutely be a reason he would side with her, not the asshole.

[00:15:18] Out of curiosity, only explain that you lounge and watch TV.

[00:15:22] Are you contributing to the household in any way?

[00:15:25] If Joe's girlfriend is contributing to the household, I can see why she would have an issue floating you.

[00:15:30] Opie says well I'm still at college.

[00:15:32] Americans would call this high school but it's summer.

[00:15:34] As a foster care leaver, Joe is paid £300 per week by the government to support me until I finish this.

[00:15:40] We'll carry on until I finish university or I'm 25, whichever is first.

[00:15:45] I also get universal credit which I use for most of my expenses.

[00:15:49] Opie talks about the high school and says high school usually ends at 18 here.

[00:15:52] But I've had to redo some learning that I missed.

[00:15:55] There was a couple of comments saying that Opie's lazy and they need to get off their arse etc.

[00:16:00] Someone saying it's time to fly the nest, build your own life, you're an adult.

[00:16:04] And this comment replied to him saying this young man didn't have a stable home until he was 10.

[00:16:10] He went through a traumatic childhood and his life trajectory is not the same as most people's.

[00:16:15] So developmentally it may be important for him to take a little longer to feel safe and confident.

[00:16:20] Hell, he's still finishing his secondary education due to those complications.

[00:16:24] You have literally no idea what opportunities he does or doesn't have.

[00:16:29] As long as his father is happy to have him there, who are you to tell him he needs to leave home?

[00:16:33] What a shitty, presumptuous thing to say.

[00:16:36] So Opie came in with the first updates and said,

[00:16:38] I decided to talk to Joe directly instead of secretly recording Sarah.

[00:16:42] I thought it would be more mature, sensible and non-confrontational to handle things face to face.

[00:16:47] My mindset was that if he didn't take it seriously then I'd consider recording to show him what was really going on.

[00:16:53] When Joe got home from work I asked him to talk privately in my room.

[00:16:57] He seemed a bit confused at first but I made it clear that I wasn't trying to sabotage his relationship.

[00:17:02] I just needed to tell him that something Sarah was doing was making me uncomfortable.

[00:17:07] I reminded him about how she ignores me and mentioned how she plays videos while I'm watching TV.

[00:17:13] But when I told him she said that he didn't have any children, that they were trying for a baby, he looked really upset.

[00:17:21] It felt a bit awkward but Joe called Sarah into the room to talk with us.

[00:17:24] He asked her if what I said was true and she immediately denied it.

[00:17:28] You could see from her body language that she was lying.

[00:17:31] I'm not sure if she just never expected me to say anything about how she's been treating me or what.

[00:17:36] Joe firmly told her that this is my house, not hers and that while she's a guest here, she can't be disrespecting me.

[00:17:43] Things got a little heated and in the end she apologized to me, though it was through gritted teeth.

[00:17:48] I accepted the apology even though I'm not sure it was genuine.

[00:17:53] After that, Joe asked if I was still comfortable with her staying with us.

[00:17:56] I said I was because I didn't want to break them up.

[00:17:59] I just wanted to tell them what was happening.

[00:18:01] However, she decided to stay at her friend's house for the night, which made the situation feel even more tense.

[00:18:07] I can tell Joe is really upset now and I feel super guilty for making him feel this way.

[00:18:12] He insists it's not my fault and we ended up having kebabs for tea.

[00:18:17] But even so, I can't shake the feeling that I've caused a huge fight between them.

[00:18:22] Joe went to bed early and now I'm stuck feeling bad about the whole situation.

[00:18:26] I just hope whatever happens next, things will settle down.

[00:18:30] Thank you everyone.

[00:18:31] Remember that last update about having the kebabs for tea?

[00:18:33] It seemed like such a curveball to me at the time.

[00:18:36] I don't know why, because it was really deep stuff going on.

[00:18:39] But then we had kebabs for tea.

[00:18:41] Brucie bonus.

[00:18:43] But OP came in with a latest update about a month later and says,

[00:18:47] So, about a month ago, things seemed to be getting better.

[00:18:51] At least on the surface.

[00:18:53] Joe and Sarah got back together and I gave them my blessing because Joe really wanted it to work.

[00:18:58] Sarah even moved back into the house and she was actually being decent to me.

[00:19:02] Which was a change.

[00:19:04] But honestly, I always felt like she was just putting on an act.

[00:19:08] I had this nagging feeling that she didn't like me and was only being nice because her other option was to be homeless.

[00:19:14] It all went downhill really fast though.

[00:19:17] Less than a week after moving back in, Sarah announced that she was pregnant with Joe's baby.

[00:19:22] And that's when the real chaos started.

[00:19:24] She dropped this ultimatum on Joe.

[00:19:27] Either I move out or she'd break up with him and make it impossible for him to be involved with the baby.

[00:19:32] Joe was torn because he didn't want her or the baby to be homeless.

[00:19:35] But he also made it clear that I wasn't going anywhere.

[00:19:39] I'm his family and he wouldn't kick me out for anything.

[00:19:42] So Joe told Sarah that they'd have to break up for good after she gave him the ultimatum.

[00:19:47] He even kicked her out again.

[00:19:50] That's when things got even crazier.

[00:19:52] Sarah started messaging Joe saying she was going to get an abortion because she couldn't afford to be pregnant.

[00:19:58] Joe being the good guy he is offered to send her money and even pay for a rent so she wouldn't be homeless.

[00:20:03] But she kept playing games.

[00:20:06] Anyway, I was borrowing Joe's iPad one day and I saw that Sarah's iMessage was still linked to it.

[00:20:11] I accidentally stumbled across her messages to a friend where she admitted she wasn't pregnant at all.

[00:20:17] She was just lying to get money from Joe and this whole plan to drag him along for months before pretending to get an abortion.

[00:20:23] She even said she was going to make Joe's life miserable because he kicked her out.

[00:20:27] I felt sick to my stomach reading those messages.

[00:20:30] I took a screen recording of the entire chat including the phone numbers and everything so she couldn't deny it or say that it was faked.

[00:20:37] When I showed Joe he was completely heartbroken.

[00:20:41] He stopped sending her money but he's now unsure what to do next.

[00:20:45] He's even thinking of reporting her to the police for fraud.

[00:20:48] But part of him just wants to cut her out of his life completely and move on.

[00:20:52] I've never seen Joe this hurt and I feel so guilty because I know all of this is stressing him out.

[00:20:58] I'm still in shock over how horrible Sarah turned out to be.

[00:21:01] Even with everything that's happened before.

[00:21:04] I never thought she'd do something this low.

[00:21:06] Now we're just trying to figure out how to move forward from all of this.

[00:21:10] So OP said that he stopped sending her money so he had been sending it.

[00:21:14] So can something legally be done about that?

[00:21:17] You'd have thought so right because you got proof she's lying about it.

[00:21:21] But that's why she was getting the money in the first place.

[00:21:23] So you know I hope there is some consequences for her actions in this.

[00:21:28] But at the same time I would understand why Joe would want to just separate and be done with that nonsense.

[00:21:34] She sounds like an absolute toxic individual.

[00:21:37] Joe sounds like a really decent guy.

[00:21:39] And I hope whatever happens going forward that he does find someone that he deserves.

[00:21:45] And rather than an asshole like Sarah.

[00:21:47] But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys.

[00:21:50] What do you guys make of this situation?

[00:21:54] Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below.

[00:21:56] Just a huge thank you for being here today.

[00:21:59] Get involved in the stories.

[00:22:01] Your love, your support, your time always means the world to me.

[00:22:04] Thank you so much.

[00:22:05] And don't forget to join us over on Twitter or X.

[00:22:08] Whatever they call it these days.

[00:22:09] I know it's a shit show most of the time.

[00:22:11] But we like to keep our little corner of it pretty wholesome.

[00:22:14] A couple of wholesome memes here and there.

[00:22:16] And just sharing your hobbies, your pictures of what you're up to.

[00:22:19] Whilst you're listening along.

[00:22:21] I love to see it.

[00:22:22] Please get involved.

[00:22:23] Thank you so much.

[00:22:24] And hopefully I'll see you in the next one.

[00:22:26] Take care.

[00:22:26] And much love.