Mother-In-Law Is Taking Over And Trying To Redecorate My Nursery r/Relationships

[00:00:01] Hey Waffle Gang, I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit Stories. And if you do love a Reddit Story, why not consider that like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. And let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys. Now today's first story comes from AggravatingScar7518 from the Am I the Asshole subreddit and says, Am I the Asshole for refusing to let my mother-in-law redecorate our nursery?

[00:00:31] So, I, 26 female, am currently 32 weeks pregnant, with mine and my husband, Felix's, 27 male first child. Things have been going well and one of the great things is that Felix is a builder, and so everything with the nursery went pretty smoothly, pretty fast. We agreed at the start what kind of vibe we wanted to go with and it's pretty much already done. Figured that we'd get it sorted as soon as possible, so it wasn't another thing to worry about later.

[00:01:00] My mother-in-law has always been a bit of a nightmare, but it's been better since the news that I'm pregnant. Though not without issue. For example, she told me that I should lose some weight and that it wasn't healthy for me or the baby. She knows that I used to struggle with anorexia and I'm not any sort of unhealthy weight. In the past, I've kept my mouth shut and let Felix deal with her. As the nursery has almost been completed, she suddenly decided to invite herself around more.

[00:01:30] I work from home currently. She comes in on the regular, asks me when I'm going to have lunch, and oh, could you just pop me something in too? And then we'll wander into the nursery and start rearranging things. I know this sounds stupid, but once she literally bought an IKEA bag full of stuff that she put in there. It doesn't match. But I've never said anything really beyond. Oh, thanks so much for the thought, etc.

[00:01:57] Yesterday, when she came around uninvited, she looked me up and down and said, Really? Joggers? Thank God Felix isn't here. And then walked into the nursery and started asking me where the pillow she'd put in the crib had gone. Why I'd taken out the fairy lights hanging on the wall right by it, etc. I explained that they were potential safety hazards to the future baby, and that I'd taken them out. She started with,

[00:02:23] Oh, well, I've had three children, and I really think you should take more of my advice. And then looked me in the eyes and said, You're really not going to be a good mother at this rate. I don't know if it was the pregnancy hormones, but I just stared at her for a moment, and then told her to get out of the house. I'd been up all night and had loads of work and wasn't in the mood. She got very uptight about it, and then left. Felix says he's going to talk to her and tell her that she shouldn't be reorganizing anything without our permission.

[00:02:53] But I don't know if it was just hormones, and I'm being unreasonable. Am I the arsehole? Absolutely not the arsehole at all. The bloody cheeky so-and-so walking into the nursery, rearranging things, keep putting stuff in there without talking to you. The comment she's making, you know, I don't blame you at all. She should have been kicked out of that house long ago. And we all know what path this is going to go down, that Felix needs to step in and rein his mum in.

[00:03:21] I'm surprised she wasn't kicked out of the house with low contact or no contact after the lose-some-weight comment knowing about your history with anorexia as well. That is absolutely awful. The potential damage that could have caused, it pisses me off to be quite honest. But trick delivery says not the arsehole. Felix needs to put down a lot more boundaries. No more popping by when he isn't around. Just to ask him to come over and can only do so when he says yes and he is there.

[00:03:50] No more talking about your health or weight ever. No redecorating or moving anything in your house. I'm sure there needs to be more. This is to get you started with him. He needs to protect you and your child. Zato Zapato says, Exactly this. Felix needs to rein in mama now. Enfys May says, Not the arsehole. Felix needs to shut this down like yesterday. She's being openly disrespectful to you.

[00:04:18] She can no longer come over uninvited. She needs to call and schedule a visit like everyone else. Also, if she has a key to your home, change the locks. No more bringing unwanted items for the baby. While you appreciate the thought, you and Felix want to prepare the baby's room the way you want it. This is your baby. She had a chance to decorate how she wanted with her kids and now it's your turn. No more passive aggressive comments to or about you.

[00:04:46] If this isn't shut down, she will continue this around your child. She will talk badly about you around slash to your child. This is disrespectful to you and should immediately be stopped. Actions have consequences. If she breaks any boundary you and Felix have set, she won't see the baby for X amount of time. That could be days, weeks, months or even a year. Depending on how severe the boundary she broke was. You could even do it first offense X days, second X months, third permanent.

[00:05:16] This is something you and Felix need to sit down now and talk about. This blatant disrespect needs to stop and it needs to stop immediately. This can't continue. If for no other reason than your mental health. She knows you have an eating disorder and is deliberately using it against you. What is her end goal? For you to spiral so she can tell everyone you're an unfit mother. That sounds psychotic. And one more comment from Lisa Bryan who says, The mother-in-law is trying to assert power.

[00:05:45] She's putting things in the baby's room to put her claim on it and turn it into her own territory. Her disparagement of OP as a mother is an attempt to set herself up as the expert. That OP will have to obey. She's also trying to tear OP down with those comments about her weight. Attack in vulnerable spots to try and make her insecure and vulnerable to being shoved aside. Once these power games start, they rarely stop without hard boundaries and harsh consequences.

[00:06:12] OP needs to be prepared to cut off access to the baby the instant mother-in-law starts playing her little games. And only allow unmonitored interaction after a lot of trust has been built up. Because she will try to drive a wedge between that, that child and OP via snide comments and emotional manipulation. So OP comes in with an update and says, Felix and I sat down and had a conversation about how to manage his mother going forwards.

[00:06:40] I told him everything that she had said to me and he was adequately furious with her. He asked me exactly what I wanted done in the future so that she'd understand where our boundaries are and follow them. I told him I'd rather him speak to her alone at first so that I wasn't immediately made out to be the bad guy. I acted on advice and a locksmith has been called to change the locks on the house. And Felix has ordered us a ring doorbell off Amazon with the assurance I'll be able to put it in. He hates doing the electrics, but you know how it is.

[00:07:10] I'll leave it to him. And then he called up mother-in-law and organized a lunch date for today so they could have a talk between themselves. He got back in the afternoon and as he walked in the door, smiled at me and went, Sorted. And characteristically went to go make himself a cup of tea. I got a message a few minutes later from her saying she was very sorry for what she had said to me. That she was in the wrong. Only going to visit when invited. Not going to go into the nursery anymore.

[00:07:37] Or I was going to respect the rules and boundaries that he and I set for our home life and for our child. And after added that she was sorry for the comments she'd made on my appearance. I'll believe it when I see it, but at least it's a good start. And we've all agreed to go for dinner at some point to talk about future expectations when the baby comes. I talked to Felix and he said that she'd been offended at first. Didn't believe she'd done anything wrong. And he also specifically said she hit it with a spiel of,

[00:08:05] Oh, I must have been an awful mother then. And he told me he told her, It's not about that. It's about you disrespecting my wife, our child and our home. If you continue, you're not going to dream of being able to see your grandchildren. She was apparently and unsurprisingly sulky. And he told her to apologize. And she said she would and to her credit did. Thank you for all the advice on how to handle things going forward. With the locks and everything.

[00:08:32] The amount of support was crazy, but I can't thank you all enough. I feel so much calmer about the situation. I don't know if she's going to stick to what she said going forwards. But at least boundaries have been set. And I know that Felix has my back. On a lighter note to end, I asked if he had anything he wanted to say to the people who had commented. And he said, Can you add that photo of me in Florida? Felix, that's not even slightly relevant. Shame. What do you want for tea? Thank you.

[00:09:03] Pegging Pinhead says, Well, now I want to see Felix in Florida. Opie says, I told him this. And he replied, I know what the people want. Edit. I'll describe the photo. And hopefully somewhat satiate the people. It was when we were in the Florida Keys. And he's sitting on a comically large yellow wooden beach chair. Think three times the normal size of one. He's got relatively short, wavy brown hair. He's holding up a red spade in one hand and giving a thumbs up with the other.

[00:09:31] And has this stupidly big, goofy grin on his face. He just finished making a sandcastle. Which is somewhat visible in the background. And I'd sat down to have a rest. Bless him. He's also told me to add that he looks really fit. So do with that what you will. Well, he's currently trying to figure out how to make a Reddit account so he can join in on the fun. His user is helpfulled3803. Lol. Radio Supply said, He's right. We want Felix tax.

[00:10:01] AK Shetty says, I need that Felix tax to be the new term for showing something they mention in their post. So people will wonder if Felix is the name of a cat or animal. Then they get shown Felix in Florida. I hope he says, You're right. This is perfect. Never thought of it before. And Kildheim says, I'm so happy Felix had your back. We hear all too often the other side of the story. Best of luck to you and your family. I watched Wreck-It Ralph recently. And all I can think of is, Fix it Felix.

[00:10:31] And I think that's a pretty good outcome as far as things are going at the moment. Do I think she's going to be perfect after this, the mother-in-law? Probably not. But obviously I don't know. She might be just a perfect person after this, right? But what do you guys make of this situation? And of course, I wish you all the best going forward to the pregnancy and everything. And hopefully mother-in-law is not too much of a pain in the ass going forward. But what do you guys think? Let us know.

[00:10:59] And let's move on to another story. Now our next story comes from all forms of potatoes from the Am I the Asshole subreddit. And says Am I the Asshole here for calling my husband's family idiots. And before we do get into this story, there is a couple of trigger warnings on it of racism and ableism at the same time as well. So if you do want to skip it, feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description. And along the timeline below, thank you. It starts.

[00:11:26] My husband's family keeps giving us advice and I thought that advice was dumb. So I told him and now he's quiet. I will try to keep this short and to the point. I, 31 female, told my husband, 32 male, that his family is dumb. We have been married for seven years and have built a beautiful life together. He's an amazing partner and father to our two girls and I love him dearly. We met in college that was six hours away from our home city.

[00:11:54] So we never really met each other's families until the wedding. Everything seemed fine. They were all so nice and accepting and I got along with everyone. There were occasional yellow flags and my husband warned me of some family members. But for two years, everything was great. Then I got pregnant with our first daughter. I will now list the major flags I've clocked. We have been trying for a year and had a few miscarriages.

[00:12:19] His sister responded with, ugh, this baby is going to be more important than me and has already ruined our plans for the summer. While pregnant in 2020, height of COVID, I found out alone that my placenta wasn't giving her enough nutrients and oxygen. So we had to induce labor so she could grow. I was so sad and scared. So I just made a general Facebook post to inform family and friends. His mom's response was, why did all these people on Facebook find out about this before me?

[00:12:49] Didn't ask how I was or the baby. Just mad she wasn't the first to know. Daughter is perfect. She is beautiful, silly, full of attitude and happy and autistic. His mother comments on the size of her nose. How dark she gets in the summer. I'm black and my husband is white. About the moment I commented on this family that I finally lost it was when his uncle told us that we just need to feed her raw milk for six years to cure her. I'm not confrontational.

[00:13:18] So I told them that's not how autism works. And it's not some deadly disease that needs curing. When we were home I was fuming over another fix. Over our daughter and why she isn't like her sister comment. That I said his family were a bunch of idiots. He got real quiet and hasn't brought it up. But now when his mom calls he doesn't really tell me about it and sometimes leaves the room. I know some of what I was feeling was justified. But should I have not told him how I felt about some of his family members?

[00:13:46] And some of the comments where Opie responds. One of them says I'm leaning not the arsehole. What you said was mild based on their behavior. Does your husband not call his family out on any of this behavior? If not I hope you ever talk with him about it. Because in my opinion that's a yellow flag. Hell maybe even a red one. Like these are absolutely unacceptable. I hope he doesn't just ignore their comments. Opie says the nose comment was made when he wasn't around.

[00:14:14] Most of the time he's just flabbergasted and doesn't know how to respond. The commenter says info. What has your husband's response been to all of these comments by his family? Opie says when the comment is first made. He's usually caught off guard. And defers to me for immediate comments. He finally started therapy to address his trauma responses to his mom and sister. And has now noticed how unhinged they can be. The commenter says nah not the arsehole. His family is a bunch of idiots. Not your fault.

[00:14:43] Hopefully hubby fell far from the tree. Opie says he fell very far. Which is why when I got to know his family members that I was shocked. Thankfully we still live six hours away from them. So we see them one to two times a year. A commenter says I'm trying to understand how the conclusion was made that the baby is autistic. When she was a brand new baby. Or am I missing something? Opie says she was diagnosed when she was three. These are just comments made over the years. So Opie did come in with her update and says wow.

[00:15:14] Thank you all for the comments and advice. I was not expecting such a reaction. I just wanted to clear some stuff up real quick before the update. One. These are all comments and microaggressions made over the past four years. And my husband isn't tuned into those. So most of them are over his head. Two. When I made the Facebook post it was just to inform friends and family she was coming earlier. And we called his mum the next day because she is old. And knew she doesn't go on Facebook.

[00:15:43] And my parents so they heard it from us still. Three. My daughter was diagnosed with ASD and ID when she was three. I knew she was a little neurodivergent princess way before then. So we jumped on early interventions and therapy to make sure she had a great life. And we know how to be good enough parents. Now for the update. I took some people's advice and just had a real conversation about why I felt the way I did about this. About why I felt the way I did about his family.

[00:16:12] And I apologize for my language because it is his family. But it turns out he was clocking my reactions and their words for a while now. He was actually more upset than I had been keeping my feelings to myself for so long. And didn't talk to him about it. He already barely tolerates his sister and calls her out every time she wishes our daughter was normal. And would just talk. Hard eye roll. But the reason he was leaving the room to talk to his mum is to screen her comments. So he can educate her on how not to suck.

[00:16:41] He didn't say that but that's my interpretation. He's the golden boy. And he doesn't want to strain my relationship with her anymore. So when he thinks she's educated enough she'll be allowed to have supervised visits. Thanks again if you have read this far. I know it's not piping hot tea. But that's the update. My husband was secretly trying to teach his mum that the internet does not equal a medical license. And that I am in fact a proud black woman and she needs to think before she speaks.

[00:17:11] Opie clarifies and says because someone says what is ID. Also nothing where I was expecting this update to go. But I'm glad to see a wholesome one. Glad he is not a trash husband. Opie says intellectual disability. And she also has global delays. And thanks. I also think he's great. I've just realized we've had two dodgy mother-in-law stories in a row here bloody hell. But it seems both the partners are stepping up to deal with their mums.

[00:17:39] But we never know if it's fully going to play out that way in the end. But now I'm going to turn this one to you guys. What do you guys make of this situation? And as always I spotted this story just because of the title. It's on the am I the arsehole subreddit. And I was like hmm I wonder what this is about. Correct Royal says am I the arsehole for excluding my brother from my wedding because of his fun facts. I have an older brother David 41.

[00:18:06] David has boundary issues and was in the learning disabled classes. My parents never let him out of the home. He has a very rough personality and because he was never allowed to work or do anything. So in his 40s he doesn't have friends. He still dominates the conversation at every holiday with fun facts and goes off on those. And doesn't realize no one is listening. My other siblings and I just really don't like David because my parents let him do whatever. And just dominate whatever social settings we're in.

[00:18:35] My older sister eloped because of David. Being my mom kept trying to find David a place at a wedding. I'm getting married to Mel. And my youngest brother Nick is my best man. My sister who is close to Mel is in the bridal party. The husband is one of my best men. And their son is a ring bearer. My wife wants a real wedding and not to be forced to elope like my sister did. David has no place.

[00:19:01] He's not going to be invited because the first thing he did was insult the ring I got Mel with his fun facts about how diamonds are worthless and do not resell well. I should have got her a second hand engagement ring out or a colored stone engagement ring. We then got a history on engagement rings and marriage tradition. We tried shutting him up but he wouldn't and my mom said let the professor talk. Even at 40 she thinks my brother's fun facts are cute.

[00:19:29] This put a hard no on Mel's stance that my brother can't come to the wedding. If my parents defend him even once they are not coming. She's not having a wedding like my sister and it's time for David to be put in his place. My mom called and asked about wedding planning and I told her she wasn't involved after what happened to my sister's wedding dress shopping. Mom brought David who told everyone his fun facts about wedding dress history. That's when my sister decided to elope.

[00:19:57] I told mom if she and dad wanted to come to the wedding as guests they can but David isn't invited. Mom didn't talk for a while. I think she started crying because my dad took over the phone call. I told him what upset mom and said David isn't invited and mom can't be trusted to be involved in wedding planning without David tagging along. Dad said he doesn't understand why we all hate David and I told him what is wrong is his fun facts. My dad said the boy likes to talk and there's no harm in it.

[00:20:25] I told my dad that's the thing there is harm in David's fun facts and now no one wants to be around him. Dad started arguing saying stuff in defense of David. And I told dad we were at a stalemate. And I guess all three of you won't be coming to the wedding. I'm sorry but that's how it is. I ended the conversation with my dad and my mom has been upset texting like a crazy person to everybody about how we all need to understand David. What I'm doing is mean.

[00:20:53] Mel feels like this whole thing is why I can't invite David or my parents. I agree that they can't even be trusted to come to my wedding without sneaking David in. Look I'm not going to try and diagnose but it feels like the way that OP talks about David in this situation it sounds like something's there. And I honestly don't mean that in a disrespectful way or anything like that. Because I just feel like the way Dave has been treated by the parents. They failed him at this moment. And I just find it really sad.

[00:21:21] But only ingenuity says mom took David to the wedding dress shopping. I would have walked out the moment I saw him. Not the arsehole. OP says Mel was there and she said it was awful for my sister. They cut the day short. My mom got mad at my sister saying David said he wanted to come. And that was supposed to make it okay. Want to believe in magic says not the arsehole. Let's be clear. It isn't David's fun fact or that he likes to talk is the core problem.

[00:21:48] It's that every gathering becomes about him and only him. That there isn't room for anyone else to say or do or feel anything themselves. And any joy you and your siblings might have in being together is killed by his behavior. You will not let him suck all the joy out of your wedding. It isn't David's fault. It's his parents' fault. Tell them that. Blue Ocean says everyone sucks here. But mostly your parents for not getting your brother an autism assessment. Giving him any tools to connect the neurotypical way.

[00:22:18] Or explaining to you and your siblings his ways of connecting. That last one from an autistic person's perspective. It's obvious that your brother is trying really hard to connect. But in doing so, he's pushing you away further. What he's doing is referred to as info dumping. And one of the many ways an autistic person can show affection is researching a topic of interest to you. Instead of to themselves. And info dumping about that. The engagement ring conversation was almost exactly the same one I had with a friend.

[00:22:48] When I got engaged. And because I had actually been taught about autism. I could see that she was excited about my engagement. And wanted to share that with me in her own way. Overall, this post is just really sad. And one more comment from Golden who says not the arsehole. I have a neurodivergent child. He wouldn't behave in this specific way. But he can dominate life events if you aren't careful. My kids are too young to be thinking about their weddings.

[00:23:13] But honestly, I didn't expect my daughter, who is close to her brother, to invite him if she had a wedding. If she chooses to, I would support her. But if she doesn't, I wouldn't be angry at all. This is ridiculous from the parents. And I'm sorry this is happening. Neurodivergence is an excuse to act like an arsehole. If people are changing their life events to avoid brother, he's gone way too far. But now, I'm going to turn this one to you guys. There was some everyone sucks here as well as the not the arseholes on this one.

[00:23:42] What do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. That's just a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting involved in today's stories. Your love, your support, your time always means the absolute world to me. So thank you so, so much. And hopefully, I'll see you in the next one. Take care. And much love.